Archive of Our Own

Chan loves Felix so much.

He always had. Always.

As kids, Felix would follow him around like a little duckling. As teens, he’d tolerated Felix despite the fact that keeping a year nine student around in year twelve was embarrassing. Now, even, as they live together and share a little life, there’s so much overflowing love radiating from Felix that Chan can’t help but love him back.

When they were younger, that love was sweet. Innocent. But as they’ve gotten older, it’s morphed into something else entirely.

The problem lies with the fact that Felix is still just as enamoured with Chan as when they were younger. It’s just gotten more intense. It’s grown into something deeper, something heavier. Something romantic. It’s flattering and lovely, and Chan still loves Felix, but Chan is straight. Decidedly so. He wants a girl.

And Chan loves Felix so much. He really does. But he’s straight, and he can’t make an exception to who he is. They’d talked about it, laid it to rest, and life went on.

The love lingers. Because Felix loves Chan, and Chan loves Felix.

He could even say he’s physically attracted to Felix. It’s not hard to be.

Hell, it’s hard not to be.

Felix is so pretty. Round, sparkly doll eyes. Long lashes and pretty lips. Shoulder-length, platinum blonde hair that he takes care of like his life depends on it. He glows with beauty and a sense of self-worth that plenty of men don’t have about themselves, and that alone sort of sets him apart from the other men Chan has in his life. The way he dresses himself is also so careful and coordinated. Soft, bright colours and fluffy layers. Felix dresses himself ambiguously, mixing men’s and women’s fashions seamlessly.

On top of that, his body is just as pretty as the way he presents. He’s tiny; despite the fact that Chan is only a quarter inch or so taller than Felix, he can easily bench press Felix's body weight twice over. Felix is so delicate. His dainty wrists and ankles, his tiny hands, the way his waist could fit fairly snugly into Chan’s palms — none of it helps his case.

Felix is physically attractive. He radiates beauty, and Chan isn’t blind.

He’s caught his thoughts wandering in Felix’s direction during plenty of inopportune times. He’s thought of Felix during sex with hookups. He’s thought of Felix when he’s alone and desperate to get off. Felix is just pretty enough to pique Chan’s interest. He’s just pretty enough to be confusing, even if he isn’t a girl.

Around when Felix starts experimenting with wearing heels and doing makeup is when Chan’s mind starts going down a dark path.

It begins simply.

What if Felix was a girl?

It isn’t just an unattainable hypothetical fantasy. It’s not simply a matter of Chan imagining a world where Felix was born female and was comfortable in that body. Chan doesn’t care that Felix isn’t anatomically female. He’s certainly never been enough of an asshole to equate sex to gender — he’s better than that. That’s not what Chan’s fantasies are about. His fantasies are worse.

The fantasy, for Chan, is the idea of Felix… being a girl. Or, rather, the idea of Felix realising that he is one.

Chan imagines Felix would keep the name. Felix is already such a pretty name, after all. Chan has always thought so. It already gets shortened to the ambiguous-at-best nicknames of ‘Lix’ and ‘Lixie’. If Chan is honest with himself, he knows he calls Felix ‘baby’ more often than his name anyway. The name is not an issue in the way of Chan’s fantasy — it's an enabler.

The pronouns would be so easy. Ridiculously easy. Chan can’t help but notice that so many people assign feminine gendered terms or pronouns to Felix when they’re in public. It's instinctive. They do it simply and easily, not realising that to Felix, they’re using the wrong terms.

Felix is never rude about it. All that those people ever receive in return to their remarks are polite smiles and nods. In fact, Chan doesn’t think he's ever seen Felix correct anyone who's used feminine terms on him. Felix simply absorbs whatever is said, never faltering or panicking in the face of a ‘sweetheart’, never sweating it when the words ‘she’ or ‘her’ are thrown out there.

The realisation alone sends Chan reeling. It’s Felix himself who is enabling Chan’s fantasy. Inadvertently, of course. But it’s still happening, and it only makes Chan’s interest grow.

He thinks about acting on it. He thinks about it constantly.

He’s thinking about it now, sitting across from Felix at a busy restaurant as they catch up about the last few days at their respective places of work. It’s a busy time of the year to work in the entertainment industry, and despite living in the same apartment, they’ve had nothing but near-misses in terms of conversation this week.

This should be a comforting, casual dinner. But Chan’s mind is nothing but a running loop of all the wrong things, unable to even fully focus on whatever it is that Felix is telling him.

“And he didn’t even tell me the deadline had been moved forward,” Felix is saying, all smiles and teeth and pink cheeks despite the way his words are laced with a whining tone. “So I did all that work for nothing! And I got reprimanded for doing overtime.”

“What an asshole,” Chan says, a little absentminded as he stares at Felix. He’s caught up in tracking the way Felix’s hair isn’t staying tucked behind one ear. He watches Felix tuck it back, then huff when it comes undone and it ends up in his eyes anyway. “And your boss was fine with that?”

Felix tucks away the lock of hair again with a roll of his eyes. “He’s always okay with any of them stepping all over my work. I’m surprised he didn’t give him a raise.”

“That’s a little…” It’s laughable; the first word Chan’s mind clings to is ‘misogynistic’. And then he can’t think of any other word to say, so he lets the thought trail off and die instead of finishing it.

Felix shrugs. “It’s a shitty job. I don’t plan to be there in a year.”

“Yeah, I know,” Chan says, trying to feign normality and take a sip of his water between his words. The food sitting in front of him is practically untouched. He’s like a sick dog when his mind gets like this. He won’t eat, no matter what’s put in front of him, like he can starve out the thoughts in his head. “I’m glad. They don’t deserve you, angel.”

Felix kicks Chan’s shin lightly under the table. Chan bites down a wince. It truthfully hurts a little; the platform mary janes on Felix’s feet hold some heavy weight. But he’d never tell Felix that. If it’s Felix kicking him, Chan doesn’t mind the pain.

“You’re too nice to me, Channie,” Felix says softly, picking up the chopsticks that had gotten abandoned during his gesturing while telling the story and grabbing a piece of chicken off Chan’s plate. He pops it in his mouth and chews, tilting his head at Chan. “Won’t you eat?”

When Felix’s head tilts, that same lock of hair falls into his eyes.

Chan nearly lunges across the table, with enough force that it makes their plates clink together and his glass of water slosh a little, and tucks it behind Felix’s ear. He tucks it firmly, more secure than what Felix had been doing. He’s flushing across his entire face, he can feel the heat of it as he sits back in his chair, withdrawing his hand from Felix.

Felix stares back at Chan, looking sort of shell-shocked. “What was that for?”

“Your hair,” Chan says uselessly. “Looked like it was getting annoying.”

“Right,” Felix says, laughing lightly. Awkwardly. Maybe nervously? Chan hopes it’s not nervously. Felix has nothing to be nervous about with him. “I was going to put in hair clips, but I forgot before we left.”

“I like when you wear those,” Chan says, because he’s always found it hard not to praise Felix whenever there’s an opening. “They’re pretty.”

Felix beams, glowing at the praise. “Thanks, hyung.”

And that’s not what Chan means. Not really. She’s pretty, Chan’s mind presses. She looks so good today, and she’d look even better wearing those pink little hair clips she likes.

My pretty girl.

That’s how it starts. It comes terribly easily into the forefront of Chan’s mind. There’s no actual thought to it. He just starts thinking of Felix as his girl, and then there’s simply no coming back from it.

It’s so correct. The sky is blue, birds fly, roses are red, and Felix is Chan’s girl.

Pretty girl, his mind praises when he sees Felix in the mornings, bare-faced and tired-eyed. That’s my girl, Chan thinks smugly when he watches their friends compliment Felix’s outfits, which have only gotten more feminine and soft as time has marched on. The only step left for Felix to take is to wear skirts. Chan’s not sure if he’ll be able to reign it in if that starts happening.

Pretty girl. My girl. My best girl.

He can’t stop himself from thinking it, over and over.

Chan develops a brand-new, stronger-than-ever obsession with Felix, hard and fast. He can’t escape it. It lives in his perception of Felix now, sewn into his consciousness with kevlar thread. In every moment, in every thought, Chan is obsessed.

He knows it isn’t healthy. Chan can feel the way his view of Felix is warping and shifting, bending Chan’s reality, but he’s powerless to stop it.

Maybe Felix notices. It would be ridiculous if she didn’t, honestly. Chan is suddenly all over her, touchier and more protective than he’s ever been in their lives. His hands are on her always — and while that’s not unusual, even Chan himself can feel that the weight of his hands are much heavier than normal. He’s harbouring these new, burgeoning feelings and thoughts in every touch.

He pulls Felix into his lap at random. He picks her up, grabs her from behind and hugs her for no reason at all. She always laughs and lets him, melting into it as she always has.

Chan knows his touches are purposeful — teasing, almost. He knows the weight of his hands, and he knows that Felix can feel it. She’s not stupid. He thinks that it must be that Felix is letting him do this. And she has to want him back if she’s letting him.

“Chris?”

Chan looks up from his laptop, shutting it immediately without even closing the program he’d been working on. What he’d been messing with wasn’t going to work out, anyway. He doesn’t care if it gets lost in the ether. “Yeah, baby?”

“Can I, um,” Felix looks uncertain, those doe eyes sparkling and flicking between Chan and his laptop. “Can I talk to you about something?”

“Always,” Chan says, waving her closer. “C’mere sunshine. I wasn’t getting anywhere with that project. Rather talk with my Felix.”

Felix giggles, the tension easing a little, and comes over to sit with Chan. Before she can get herself comfortable, Chan pulls her delicately into his lap so that she’s straddling him, putting them face-to-face. Felix lets out the softest, sweetest little sound, her eyes fluttering wider and her lips parting.

“Hyung,” she says, and Chan has to put real effort in not to cringe at the honourific. “Th-this— When you’re like this—”

Chan is slipping his hand under her cardigan, thumbing at the fabric of the thin tank top she’s wearing underneath. It’s not fair. She’s so beautiful like this. He pretends not to notice when the touch elicits a shaky breath from Felix. “When I’m like what?”

“You keep—” Felix starts, then takes another one of those soft breaths as Chan places his other hand against the side of her neck, his thumb right against her pulse. “You keep touching me like this. Holding me. Calling me—”

She lets out a soft sound that honestly sounds like the ghost of a moan as Chan’s fingers press to her spine as he slips them past the hem of her shirt. Chan wants to coax more out of her, wants to hear every sound she has to offer him. He pets gently down her spine, looking at her softly.

“I like touching you, Lix,” Chan says carefully. “I mean, I always have. And you like being touched. I remember you saying that. But if you want me to stop, I will. You know that.”

“I don’t—” Felix presses her lips together, then sighs. “I don’t want you to stop. I-I just want to understand.”

“Understand?” Chan asks. “What don’t you understand, baby?”

“Why are you doing this?” Felix asks, her voice so small and wounded. She shifts on his lap, pulling back enough so that her eyes can flit across Chan’s face.

Chan blinks back at her. Why is he doing this? Because he wants her. She has to know that. She has to feel that. “Felix, I—”

“Please,” she interrupts. “Please don’t lead me on. I-I can’t handle it. We talked about this, and you— Chris, you told me you weren’t attracted to—”

“Baby,” Chan interrupts, reaching up to cup Felix’s face in his hands. “Breathe, please. You’re going to give yourself a panic attack at this rate.”

Felix takes an obedient, shaky breath, holding eye-contact nervously. She looks like she might start bawling any moment, nervous and flighty like a baby bird. Chan thinks for just a second before he acts. And then he stops thinking altogether and pulls Felix in.

Surprisingly enough, this is the first time Chan has ever given in to the urges to kiss Felix. It’s the first time he gets to feel the plush give of her lips or feel the way her breath hitches against his mouth. He basks in the softness of her as their lips meet. She’s so pliant, so willing. Felix just sort of melts in Chan’s hold, kissing him back with the quiet desperation of someone who’s been kept waiting too long.

“I’m attracted to you,” Chan says against Felix’s mouth when they pull back for air. “I have been. For a while, now.”

“Oh, my God,” she whispers, low and quiet.

Chan laughs softly, then kisses her again, short and fleeting this time. “I realised I don’t care. I just—” He pauses to press their lips together again. Felix tastes like cherry chapstick. Chan can’t get enough of it. “I just want you. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” Felix rushes to say. She looks like she really will start crying, now, her pretty brown eyes rimmed with tears and her lower lip quivering. “Chris, yes, of course that’s— You want me?”

“More than anything,” Chan says, and it’s so true it makes his heart do a strange, concerning little skip in his chest. He does. He wants Felix to be his girl so badly that it feels like he’s chasing after oxygen or sunlight, like it’s a basic need for survival. “Can I have you?”

“Fuck,” Felix whispers, making Chan laugh, and then she kisses him on his open mouth, messy and desperate. She sighs into his mouth when he takes her waist, looping her arms around his neck.

Chan can’t help it. He’s waited long enough for this that it feels like an out-of-body experience, like he’s not really in control of his own limbs, as he uses the hold on Felix’s waist to drag her into a slow roll of her hips. She gasps against his lips, her fingers tangling tight into his hair.

“Channie—” Felix breathes, then makes a soft little sound at the back of her throat when he repeats the motion, moving her body against his again. “Please, I— Are you sure?”

“Very,” Chan murmurs. He bumps their noses together, keeps eye contact. “I want to make you feel good.”

“You’re succeeding,” Felix gasps, in a way that’s probably meant to be a playful jab, but it comes out so soft and sweet that it doesn’t land. She’s just so sweet. “Y-you can have me. Want you. I want this.”

Chan kisses her again. He gets to have her. Chan gets to have Felix. It’s a thrill and a joy unlike anything Chan has ever felt in his life.

They end up in Chan’s bed — he has the bigger one between the two of them. Felix is perfect beneath him, pink-cheeked and doe-eyed, staring up at him like he hung the moon and the stars, even though she herself is the sun.

“Breathe,” Chan has to remind her, constantly. It’s like she’s holding her breath, waiting for it to end. It won’t. Chan won’t let it. “Breathe for me, sweet thing,” he prompts, and she shakily fills her lungs, earning her a soft kiss.

Chan undresses Felix like he’s savouring his last meal. She whines, high and complaining, her hands coming up to quicken the process, but he doesn’t let her. He wants to watch every inch of her skin be uncovered. He wants to memorise every birthmark and freckle on Felix’s golden skin, wants to map out a new chart of stars among them as he goes.

“Hyung,” she says, choked and soft, when he kisses her bared stomach after pushing up her shirt to her ribs.

“Don’t have to call me that anymore,” Chan manages, his lips still pressed to her skin. “I’m taking care of you, but I’m not your hyung now, yeah?”

“Um… Okay,” she says, accepting it so easily. “M’sorry.”

“None of that,” Chan chastises her gently, nipping at Felix’s skin and making her giggle. “Just saying. I want you to relax.”

“Yeah,” Felix says, sounding a little out of it. Her fingers tighten in Chan’s hair, tugging lightly. “Kiss me?”

By the time Chan gets Felix naked, she’s flushed across her cheeks and down her chest and breathing heavily, squirming like she’s trying to disappear.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” Chan murmurs as he sits back to strip himself of his own shirt. He watches Felix’s eyes widen, laughs softly. “My Lixie has such a perfect, pretty body.”

“Oh, my God,” Felix says, for what feels like the hundredth time that night. She blinks up at him, awed. “I really never thought you’d actually want me.”

“I was an idiot. How could I not?” Chan says, leaning over her. He kisses her sternum, right between her pretty, tiny tits.

Somehow even in her flat-chestedness, she’s supple and feminine. There’s a gentle, sloping give to her chest. Just enough. She’s so small. Her sweet nipples are a soft, dusty pink, just like the blush gracing the rest of her skin. She’s a beautiful, unreal wet dream personified.

“Look at you,” Chan marvels. “Look how pretty and small you are, sweetheart. Such a perfect, tiny waist and pretty little tits.”

Chan turns his head as he speaks, his lips dragging along the soft swell of her chest until they catch on her nipple. Felix gasps like she’s been shocked, curling her fingers against Chan’s shoulders, pressing into the skin.

“Oh, fuck,” she sighs. “Keep talking, Channie, please—”

He laughs, then flattens his tongue against her nipple. Felix cries out, soft but desperate, her spine bowing so that she pushes her chest into the stimulation of his mouth. He thumbs over her other, neglected nipple, loathe to leave her unsatisfied in any way. Felix gasps and whimpers like she’s being tortured, trembling under his touch.

“All of you is so pretty, Lix,” Chan says, pulling back when he’s satisfied with his work in taking Felix apart. “Even your little cock. So pink and cute, dripping wet for me. I knew you’d be like this for me. My little angel.”

Felix makes a gutted little noise, her lashes fluttering, as Chan wraps his fingers around her cock. She’s so small in his hand, warm and wet, twitching continuously. “Chris,” she gasps. “Please.”

“What do you want, little one?” Chris asks gently, stroking over her in a short little movement that makes her cock twitch again, harder this time. “I’ll give you anything. Anything you want. Just gotta ask.”

“Want you inside me,” she gasps, her eyes rolling as Chan doesn’t let up his touching, thumbing at the flushed head of her cock. “Wanna feel you.”

“Yeah, baby,” Chan murmurs, squeezing gently at her cock and drawing a little mewl from her pretty lips. “Gonna fuck you right.”

He cages Felix in, face-to-face, wanting nothing more than to see her pretty expressions throughout this. Fingering her open is heavenly. None of Chan’s ex-girlfriends or hookups have ever responded like this to being fingered, let alone to anal. Hearing every gasp and whimper from Felix’s lips is heaven on earth, and Chan drinks it all in, greedy and desperate to live in the spaces between each of her breaths and make himself a permanent part of her. He fingers her until she’s begging for him to stop, gasping out that she’ll cum if he keeps going.

“Want your cock,” Felix explains, her voice nothing more than a desperate whine. “Want you in me— Please, God—”

“Condom?” Chan asks as he pulls his fingers from her hole, because he’s trying his best to be a gentleman here, even if he feels like his head isn’t screwed on straight.

“No,” Felix breathes. “Please, please, I wanna— Wanna feel you, want you to fill me up—”

“So needy,” Chan mutters, fucking elated at this new side of Felix he’s uncovering. She’s everything he expected and more. Sweetly, dumbly whorish. Demanding. Chan stands to free himself from his pants immediately, never wanting to deny her a request like that in their lives. “I’ll fill you up, sweet thing.”

All it takes for Felix to start crying is the head of Chan's cock pressing inside of her. She gasps, then sobs, the tears running down her cheeks in sparkling diamond lines.

“S’okay,” Felix whimpers, “I’m okay— Just— Feels right.”

“I know what you mean,” Chan says comfortingly, gently. He doesn’t try to push in any further. Not yet. “I feel it too. It’s all okay, I promise.”

Chan takes his time filling her up. He rocks his hips, plays with her pretty cock. She’s shaking by the time he bottoms out, overwhelmed and pleasured. She’d taken him beautifully, not once asking him to pause or stop, instead relaxing her body and just taking it.

“Fuck, Felix, you’re so fucking tight for me,” Chan finds himself babbling, rolling his hips gently into the feeling. “Such a pretty cunt, so damn tight and wet for me.”

“Oh,” Felix gasps, and Chan can feel the way she tightens around him, her muscles tensing and then relaxing. “Oh, God. I like that.”

“Yeah?” Chan asks uselessly, not really needing a response. “You like when I praise your perfect little pussy?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Felix whimpers, her perfect little hole tightening even more. Her eyes are half-lidded, nearly closed. “Love that, fuck.”

What feels the best about it all is Felix’s willingness. She lets Chan take and take from her, lets him work up to fucking her at whatever pace he likes. She doesn’t ask for anything but him, only demanding that he kiss her or keep talking.

“Fuck,” Chan murmurs right against her lips. He keeps his movement deep, but picks it up from a grind into real thrusts. “My perfect baby.”

“Yes, fuck—” Felix whines, because he’s finally starting to fuck her how she’s been asking for it, slow and dirty. Their lips touch with every movement, intimate and baring. “Oh, God, yes.”

“You’re gonna be so good for me, aren’t you?” Chan says, rhetorical and unthinking. “You’re such a good girl.”

Felix stops breathing for a second, and then she cums. Her whole body seizes up as her cute little cock leaks pretty pearls of release onto her soft tummy, leaving her shaking in the aftershocks, her eyes fluttering and nearly crossing.

Chan strokes her cock through it, groaning at the way she tightens around him, pulsing. He’s already so close to the edge. If she were to let him, he’d cum from just a few moments more of fucking into her.

“Shit,” Felix gasps, and then she’s crying harder than she was before, her breaths stuttering and ragged as she gasps for air. “M’so sorry, shit, I-I didn’t mean—”

“That was the single most sexy thing I’ve ever seen in my life, Felix,” Chan cuts her off. “Are you okay? I— I’m gonna fucking cum in ten seconds, I swear.”

“Oh,” she breathes. “Fuck, Chris. Fuck me full. Please—”

Chan pins Felix’s hands on either side of her head, leaning over her and looking right into her face as he starts to move again. It’s a little more desperate, a little less controlled, now that he’s so close to the edge. The drag of her perfect body clinging to his cock is driving him insane. She’s perfect, so hot and wet.

“Oh fuck,” Chan groans, snapping his hips harder into her. A sound he’s never made in his life before, something like a whimper, escapes him. “I’m gonna cum.”

“That feels so good—” Felix whispers, almost like she’s speaking to herself. She’s holding intense, almost panicked eye-contact with him as he fucks her, her eyebrows knitting together and jaw dropping. Her hair bounces with every thrust, falling in her eyes and sticking to the thin, soft sheen of sweat on her skin. “Your cock feels so good, your cock feels so good— Fuck— Ah, ah—”

“Felix—” Chan’s hips stutter and then he’s slamming his hips into Felix one last time as he finally follows her over the edge. He tightens his grip on her hands as he does, grinding into her to ride out his orgasm. “Oh, fuck, Felix, fuck, baby girl.”

He registers the way that Felix sobs at that pet name, tightening up around him, her spent cock twitching against her tummy. She’s perfect. She’s perfect for Chan, and she doesn’t even know it yet. Felix can’t even know yet how good she’s been for him.

“God,” Chan pants against her lips, smiling like an idiot. “Fuck, that’s— that’s the fastest I’ve ever cum in my life.”

Felix giggles and kisses him, messy with teeth and tongue, and Chan feels like he could die happy.

“I liked it,” she says later.

Chan’s gotten her all cleaned up and changed into something comfy to sleep in — one of Chan’s shirts and a pair of cute little panties that Chan didn’t even know Felix owned. There are apparently multiple pairs. Chan has only barely managed to keep a lid on his urge to immediately ask to buy her more. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, watching Chan throw their clothes from before in the laundry.

“All the— the girl stuff,” Felix clarifies.

“I’m glad,” Chan says, in what is likely the understatement of the century. He comes and stands in front of her, cupping her cheek with one hand and thumbing at her chin with the other. “How do you feel about it?”

Felix bites her lip. She’s somehow more pretty when she’s like this. Barefaced, dressed down, her hair twisted up into a cute white claw clip. “I don’t even know how to feel. I didn’t even know I liked it sexually, but I even—” She looks up at Chan, then looks away. “I think I liked… Chris, I—”

Chan gets on his knees in front of her, his beautiful girl, putting them more at level with each other. This is all he’d wanted. It’s all he needed to do. Chan has planted the seed for her, and now it simply needs to grow. His heart is beating out of his chest, but he manages to just smile up at her and squeeze her thighs.

“Hey,” Chan says, catching her eyes. “It’s okay. You don’t need to make any conclusions because of this, huh? It can just be.”

“Be?” Felix asks, scoffing slightly, looking wholly unconvinced. “So much just happened, and I—”

“Exactly,” Chan soothes. “That’s what I mean. A lot just changed. We can focus on us. Let’s see where it takes us instead of trying to map it out.”

“Okay,” Felix says quietly, reaching out to hold Chan’s face in her hands. She blinks down at him. “I think I love you.”

Chan’s heart lurches. He smiles, putting one of his hands on top of Felix’s. “I know I love you. I always have.”

Felix's expression falters for a moment, then comes back more fond than ever. “Can you tell me something?”

“Anything,” Chan says, utterly truthful. He’d tell her everything, every single twisted, off-beat thought in his head if she only asked.

“Is it just me?” she asks softly. “Is it— Only me that you’re— ?”

It takes Chan a second to decipher that. And then it clicks. “I think so,” he says, a little bit sheepishly. “I just… Only want you. I don’t care, anymore. I don’t give a fuck what this makes me. I’m just tired of pretending I don’t want you.”

Felix is looking down at him with the softest, loopiest grin on her face that Chan has ever seen. “Oh,” she says. “Okay.”

Chan kisses Felix’s palm. “Let’s go to bed, yeah?”

It’s bliss.

For the first week, Chan feels like he’s walking on air. There’s an odd feeling to continuing life as it’s business as usual after such a huge, life-changing event has occurred.

Chan works. He eats. He sleeps. He goes out with his friends. He doom-scrolls on social media. He goes to the gym.

Felix works. She eats. She sleeps. She spends time with those same friends as always, the loud ones Chan has started to grow a bit fond of. She bakes. She games.

It’s so regular. Except it’s not. It’s not, because Felix crawls into bed with Chan at night now. It's not, because Felix comes home from work and spends her first thirty minutes in Chan’s lap, kissing him breathless and telling him that she missed him. It’s not, because they fuck like rabbits, like their lives depend on it. Chan has never felt this way about any of his ex girlfriends.

The smaller moments are what hit it home. Chan gets to watch Felix plan her outfits — down to the panties and socks — when before, he’d just gotten to see the final product. He gets to wake up before her and watch her sleep in. He gets to hold her cute little hands in his and marvel at the freckles on the back of them, dotting her tendons and even the webbing between her fingers.

“You know,” Chan says as Felix lays with her head in his lap, holding one of her hands in his, “Your hands would look so nice with pretty nails.”

“Really?” Felix asks softly, wiggling her fingers in his hold. “I’ve always worried they’d look stupid. It’s always the cliché, right?”

Chan raises his eyebrows at her. “Cliché?”

“You know,” Felix sighs. “It so quickly becomes a joke when someone like me tries too hard to be super feminine.”

“A joke?”

“Mm,” she hums, low and soft, not seeming keen to elaborate much more. “People suck.”

Chan tightens his hold on her hand and brings it up to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “I don’t think it’s funny,” he murmurs, the words pressed into her skin. “There’s nothing funny about how pretty you are. You’re made for this, Lix. I mean, fuck, I would—”

He cuts himself off, taking a shaky breath in. Felix looks up at him with curiosity shining in her eyes as her gaze darts across his face.

“You would what?” Felix says carefully, her voice barely above a whisper. She blinks up at him, slow and trusting. “What would you do?”

Chan laughs softly. “There’s nothing I wouldn't do for you, angel.”

“Boo,” Felix laughs. “That’s not what you were going to say.”

Chan smiles at her. The moments where she’s like this — as sunny and playful as she’s always been — feel so good. She’s still his baby. The same person that he’d begun coveting. She’s just more his now than she’s ever been, because he’s replacing all the little pieces of her with ones he’s touched and changed, making her a newer, softer version of herself.

“You got me,” Chan says softly. He takes another unsteady breath, then jumps in head-first. “I was going to say I would spoil you if you let me. I want to. I would do anything for you, you know I would.”

“Oh, God,” Felix says, picking her head up from his lap to put them on eye level. “You really mean that, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Chan says, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I really do. I want you to—” He cuts himself off with a laugh. He’s not really worried about her reaction to this, given how receptive she’s been to everything else, but it doesn’t hurt to be careful. “You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“I don’t think so,” Felix says, finally climbing into his lap. Chan has long stopped what he was doing and Felix has long abandoned her Switch, the pause screen of TotK starting to fade to darkness from inactivity. She settles comfortably over his thighs, puts her arms around his neck. “Knowing you, I think I’m probably gonna start crying. Or kiss you. Or both.”

“I see,” Chan says, smiling.

His hands have fitted themselves instinctually to the backs of her thighs, fingers pressing underneath her to cup the soft line of the hem of her panties. She’s taken to wearing less and less clothing around their apartment, and Chan couldn’t be happier. All she’s wearing today is a soft, cream-coloured hoodie and a pair of baby blue panties.

“Tell me,” Felix presses, her voice low and enticing. “I want to hear what you want from me.”

“It’s more what I want for you,” Chan says, feeling a little helpless. He squeezes at her thighs, nosing against her cheek to press his lips against her earlobe. “I want you to get everything you want. I mean, I can afford to give you everything you want. We both know it.”

“Oh.” Felix’s breath hitches, and she tilts her head as he kisses down her neck to give him the space to bury his face in her skin. “Everything I want?”

“Anything,” Chan promises. He kisses Felix’s skin, soft and open-mouthed, letting his teeth scrape against it. Felix shudders. “I want to pay for you to get your nails done all nice. I want to pay for your hair. I want to dress you up pretty. I want— God, Lix, I just want to give you everything. You deserve it.”

“I—” Felix’s nails scratch into Chan’s scalp as she curls her fingers into his hair, blunt and soft. Chan really needs to change that for her. They could go today, even. He thinks Felix would choose soft almond-shaped acrylics. Something pink or blue. “I think you’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had, and we’ve only been dating, like, a month and a half.”

Chan laughs into her skin, then lifts his head. He feels a little out of it, so relieved and so filled with affection that he’s dizzy with it. He finds Felix staring at him, grinning toothily and blushing enough that her cheeks and ears are visibly pink. You’re definitely the best girlfriend I’ve ever had, Chan doesn’t have the guts to say aloud. He’s not sure Felix is ready to hear that, even if it’s true.

“Is that a good reaction, then?” Chan asks, the question entirely rhetorical and his voice laced with his smile. “You like that, baby?”

“So much,” Felix says, blinking a couple times, her smile indelible on her face. “I’ve always liked how much you took care of me, you know? I kind of thought that you liked it too.”

“God, I do. I did. It makes me happier than anything,” Chan admits, holding Felix tighter to himself. “It’s sort of what made me realise I wanted you. I want to take care of you. I want to give you everything, Lix. Will you let me?”

“Yeah,” she answers easily, nodding sweetly. “Want it.”

Chan can see the way Felix is sinking into it. This softly curated state of mind she gets into whenever they talk like this, about them. Chan feels almost proud of it. It’s like he’s already done the hard work of piecing together a perfect comfort zone for Felix to live within, for her to flourish and grow within. He keeps her like this, soft and happy, and she’ll blossom. Chan knows she will.

He pulls Felix in and kisses her, careful and sweet. She sighs into Chan’s mouth as he palms over her body, hands on her waist and trailing higher to cup softly at her chest through the thick fabric of her hoodie. Felix lets out a little gasp at the feeling, pulling back inadvertently from the kiss.

Felix presses her forehead to Chan’s and they breathe each other in for a moment as Chan touches her, petting over her figure and tracing the line of her sternum down her chest. Felix’s thumbs press into Chan’s jaw as she cradles his head in both hands.

“I like it,” Felix starts, then chokes on her next breath when Chan slips his hands under her hoodie to repeat the action without the obstacle of fabric. His thumbs press into her soft nipples, rubbing slow, purposeful circles. Felix whimpers, trying again. “I like it when you do that. Feels so nice.”

“When I do what?” Chan asks, slow and prompting. “Tell me what you like.”

“You touch me like—” Felix gets so close to saying it. Chan can see the way it sits on her tongue. Like a girl, she doesn’t say, but Chan doesn’t need her to say it out loud. He knows. She pauses, looking unsure, then settles on saying, “You touch me like you love me, and I don’t think I’ve ever been touched like that in my life.”

That somehow hits even harder than what she was originally going to say.

Because Chan does love her, and he touches her like she’s his girl because of that. What she’s feeling, all the ways he holds and touches and kisses her, it’s all a manifestation of his love. Chan’s love is a perfect, pretty little glass box for Felix, one that will always surround her and define her.

He loves Felix, and so she’s his girl.

“I do love you,” Chan says, closing the gap between their lips to give her a little peck of a kiss, chaste and short. “I love you, and I love touching you. I’m so glad I’m— we’re finally doing this.”

Felix makes a soft little noise at that last statement. Maybe one of confusion, or maybe just one of enjoyment. It’s unclear.

Either way, she melts when Chan pulls her closer and flips them over, laying her flat on her back on the bed. They’d just been laying there on Chan’s bed, coexisting, before. Felix’s switch is lying forgotten next to her head, and Chan’s laptop is perched a little precariously on the nightstand. There’s a pair of Felix’s underwear lost somewhere under the messy comforter.

It’s chaotic but it’s perfect, because Felix is looking up at Chan with so much complete and utter devotion that it eclipses her features, twisting her face into a mask of nearly desperate desire. Her eyes seem to unfocus when he starts touching her over the fabric of her panties, cupping at her cock and running his fingers gently over the length of it. He can feel the way she’s leaking already through the fabric.

“Oh, Felix, you’re already so worked up,” Chan sighs, smiling around his words.

He loves it. Chan loves the idea that she’s already this much of a mess just from a conversation about him taking care of her. Felix makes the softest, most pretty noises as he touches her.

“You’re so good,” Chan murmurs, not fully thinking. “The best.” Felix blinks wetly up at him, and he can’t help himself. “My best girl,” he finishes, unable to stop the words from coming out.

Felix takes a shaky little breath, just looking up at Chan with this sated, pleased expression on her face.

“More,” is the first thing out of her mouth, so soft that he almost doesn’t catch it. “More, please.”

“More,” Chan repeats contemplatively, scanning her features. He pets over her clothed cock, slow and purposeful. “You gotta tell me what it is you want more of so I can give it to you, sweet thing.”

“Just— Keep calling me that,” Felix breathes, getting all the words out in a rush, her eyes wide and shiny. “I like it.”

“You want me to call you my best girl?” Chan asks softly. He knows. Maybe Felix even knows that he knows. But he asks anyway, testing the waters.

Felix takes another breath, soft and stuttering. “Yeah,” she says, barely above a whisper. “Yes. I want it. Like, more. More often. I like it.”

The way her cock twitches in her panties says it all. Chan smiles down at her, soft and encouraging. He lets his hand drift to her waist, grabbing gently at her body.

“Good. ‘Cause you’re my best pretty girl,” Chan says, watching the way Felix’s lips turn up into a blissed-out little smile at that, brilliant and soft. “Always.”

Chan is reeling.

This is six steps further over the line than he’d meant to take it. Chan has already gone crazy — that much he knows — but he’d originally planned to stay mostly hands-off to let Felix grow at her own pace. He had only intended to watch. And now he’s gone and gotten his hands dirty. And it feels… incredible.

“Talk to me,” Chan says gently. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Felix says softly, sounding remarkably grounded given how dazed she looks. “Safe. I like it, Chris. I told you, like, three times. Too many times. Keep— keep going.”

Chan lets out a breath that’s something halfway between a scoff and a laugh, soft and incredulous. “Anything for you, angel.”

Felix giggles, soft and sweet.

Chan feels consumed by the need to claim her. He pushes her hoodie up, all the way up, enough to expose her pretty tits, and starts there. He kisses and licks and sucks at her skin. He devours her, like he’s a dying, starving god and she is ambrosia. Chan doesn’t leave a single mark on her skin, because he can’t bring himself to, no matter how tempting the call of claiming her as his is. He doesn’t want to hurt her, doesn’t want to mar her beauty.

Felix’s voice is so soft and sweet as he kisses his way down her body that she really does just sound like a girl. Chan hums against her skin, not immune to how pretty she sounds.

“Pretty baby,” he murmurs into her stomach, kissing her belly button. “Sound so pretty, Lix.”

“Just feels good,” Felix whines, sounding a little complaining, like she’s defending the way she sounds right now.

“I know, sunshine,” Chan says. “Nothing wrong with sounding pretty or feeling good.”

Felix hums, then gasps as Chan finally reaches her cock and kisses the head of it through the fabric of her panties.

They’re such a thin material, sheer enough that Chan can see the way her cock is fully hard. She’s so affected by all of this that it sort of goes to Chan’s head. It’s him making her feel so good. It’s all him. Her cock is leaking, twitching, a wet spot seeping into the fabric and staining the baby blue darker.

“Such a pretty little thing,” Chan says, not really thinking as he speaks. “My baby girl has the cutest cock.”

“Oh, my god,” Felix gasps. She’s pushed herself up so that she’s propped on her elbows, looking down at Chan where he lays between her thighs, face hovering over her cock. “Channie.”

Chan leans down and runs his tongue over the fabric, holding eye contact with Felix. It shouldn’t be pleasant. It shouldn’t make Chan’s own dick throb in his sweats, but it does. He can feel Felix’s pretty cock under his tongue, so warm beneath the material of her panties.

“Chris—”

Felix’s hands card through Chan’s hair. She tugs lightly, then moans when he kisses over her cock once more before raising his head.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Chris asks softly, thumbing at the hem of her panties.

“I just—” Felix blinks down at him. “Are you sure?”

Chan looks at her like she’s the crazy one between them. “About— About what?”

“I, uh— I just don’t want you to force yourself,” Felix stammers out, looking a little terrified. Her wide, brown eyes are full of doubt, like she’s certain he’s going to be upset. “I know you've never—”

“Hey,” Chan says, cutting her off as firmly and kindly as he can, smiling. “I have never wanted anything more in my life than to make you feel good right now.”

“Oh, come on,” Felix mumbles, looking embarrassed. Her cheeks were already flushed from arousal but now the tips of her ears are, too. “You make me feel good so easily that it’s embarrassing. You don’t have to do this. If you don’t want to—”

“Stop, Felix,” Chan interrupts again, firmer this time. “Do you want this?”

She nods, instant and enthusiastic. “I do, I just—”

“Then relax,” Chan says softly. “Let me suck your pretty cock, baby girl.”

Felix’s reaction is adorable. She bites her lip and lets her eyes fall shut, moaning softly as her cock twitches in her panties, darkening the wet patch in them further. She’s so plainly affected by it, so transparent and open for Chan. Felix can only helplessly moan again when Chan pulls down the waistband of her panties, tugging them down so they’re around her thighs. Her cock slaps gently against her tummy, which makes both of them moan for entirely different reasons.

Chan groans, because he’s able to appreciate Felix’s pretty cock more than he’s ever been able to before when he’s face-to-face with it like this. He wouldn’t mind spending an eternity here, resting his cheek against her plush thigh as he worships her cock. It’s even cuter up close. So pink it’s almost red at the tip, beading a little pearl of precum at the slit.

Chan has never really had much of a reason to think about dicks, not in a sexual sense. He’s always been the kind of lover that eats pussy like it’s his life’s mission, loving the feel and taste. But for Felix, for her pretty cock, Chan feels drunk. In a way he’s never been for anyone, Chan is drunk on Felix’s body.

He holds eye-contact with her, watches her pretty eyes flutter open as he leans in close, taking her cock into his hand and dragging his tongue against the tip. Felix’s mouth drops open, those pretty doll lips parting enough for him to see the perfect, beautiful row of her lower teeth.

The taste of precum is bitter. Chan notes it as he repeats the action again and again, lapping softly at the head of Felix’s cock. He remembers it feeling incredible when girls had done similar to him and feels a little smug when it elicits the desired response from Felix, who makes a soft, dying sort of sound; like the air is being punched out of her lungs.

“Chris—” Felix chokes out, her eyes heavy-lidded like she’s having trouble keeping them open. “Fuck, baby.”

Some sort of thrill runs through Chan’s body at the pet name, especially because it’s paired with Felix’s cock twitching against his tongue. He watches her face with rapt attention as he endeavours to close his lips around the head of her cock, letting his tongue go lax in his mouth and breathing through his nose.

Felix gasps, then bites her lip, watching him right back. They’re watching each other, observing each other.

Chan swallows down as much of her length as he can. He stops the moment the head of Felix’s cock gets uncomfortably close to his throat, just taking her into his mouth. It’s honestly not far from the full length. She’s small enough that Chan thinks that he could get himself used to taking the whole thing with some practice.

“Oh—” Felix looks stunned, her breaths coming quick and feather-light. Her pretty chest heaves with them, her hoodie slightly slipping down to her stomach. Chan thinks she’s beautiful. She shifts her weight so she can reach out and brush his hair from his eyes, looking fondly amazed. “Fuck, Chris, you’re doing so good. Feels so good.”

Chan pulls off her cock gently, releasing it from his lips wetly and smiling up at her when she cups his jaw with her hand.

“I want you to ride my face,” he blurts out, all selfish desire and genuine bravado. “Please.”

“You— You mean—?” Felix’s eyes are suddenly wide open, so round and brown, shining with something. Interest, or maybe just raw lust.

“Yeah,” Chan says, still smiling like an idiot, sure that she understands what he wants from her. “Want you to take what you want from me, baby girl. Wanna make you feel good.”

“Fuck,” Felix breathes. “Okay. Fuck.”

Chan doesn’t wait for any more confirmation. He takes Felix’s cock back in his mouth, looking up at her as he sinks down, his fingers pressing into her hips. Felix’s hand runs through his hair, then tightens in it, so slow and careful that Chan can tell she’s giving him room to back out.

He doesn’t back out. He would never.

The feeling that rushes throughout Chan’s system when she uses that grip to lift him halfway off her cock is debilitating. He feels broken, owned, and cherished all that once. He’s giving her everything. He’s giving his sweet girl everything.

“O-oh, my fucking God,” Felix stammers as she lifts her hips slightly to press her cock back into Chan’s mouth. She looks fucked out, her cheeks so pink and her eyes a little blank. “Ohh, God, Chris. Your mouth is so perfect. S’so good.”

Chan just lets his head go pleasantly blank as she fucks his mouth, so tender, shallow, and slow that it almost feels like she’s just rutting the head of her cock against his tongue. She might be. Chan doesn’t care; he just wants her to feel good. If using his mouth like this feels good, he wants Felix to keep doing it. Anything for his girl.

Honestly, the feeling itself is good. Maybe Chan just has an oral fixation. It’s as good as, if not better than, the feeling of having a girl ride his face as he eats her out. It’s better than receiving oral has ever felt, if Chan is honest with himself.

He can get lost in it, and he does, just watches Felix’s face as she moans and bites her pretty lip, her eyebrows knitting together like she’s already close. Maybe she is. Her fingers are tightening in his hair and her movements are starting to feel a little erratic.

“M’gonna cum,” Felix whimpers, confirming Chan’s suspicions. “Sh-should I—?”

Chan stares at her flatly. He hopes she gets the message, because if she stops using him now, he feels like he'd collapse in on himself. He wants to give her everything.

“Okay,” Felix gasps, understanding immediately and blinking rapidly as she presses her lips together. “Okay, okay— fuck—”

Her face just crumbles, her eyebrows furrowing hard and eyes squeezing shut as her sweet doll mouth falls open. She gasps, then cries out, as her orgasm hits her, her cock pulsing against Chan’s tongue as cum fills his mouth. Chan swallows it all down, greedy and eager to please. It’s Felix, so the bitter is sweet. It’s Felix so the way it overwhelms Chan is good, so good.

“Thank you,” Felix is babbling, “thank you, thank you, Chris, fuck— So good. Oh, my God.”

Chan lets her use him. He lets her ride out her orgasm against his tongue, blinking up at her adoringly. He would do this for her a thousand times over. He would do anything for her.

Only when she’s shuddering from overstimulation and tugging at his hair does Chan pull off of her cock. She’s still whimpering praises and gasping for air when she pulls him up by his face to kiss him.

“You,” Felix starts, then kisses him on the mouth three times before continuing, “are the best. And I love you.”

Chan loves her too, but he doesn’t get to say that, because she keeps kissing him. They’re both insane. Or maybe what’s between them has been building for long enough that it isn’t actually insane. Chan laughs into Felix’s mouth as she pulls him in for another kiss, a deeper one this time, her teeth and insistent tongue presses at his lips.

“Baby,” Chan tries, and gets only a hum in response. “Lixie.”

“Lemme touch you,” she groans, making to grab him in the same way he’d been touching her.

“No, sweetheart,” Chan says easily, catching her hands in his own and gently guiding them away from himself. “I can wait until we’re back home.”

“Back home?” Felix asks, looking a bit lost and dazed. “What do you— Where are we going?”

Chan brings one her hands to his lips and kisses her knuckles, then her nails. “We’re getting you a pretty set of nails. It’s about time, yeah?”

“Right now?” Felix laughs, radiating joy. “Pushy.”

“Always gonna be pushy about getting you what you want,” Chan counts, smiling as he kisses her nose. “Let’s get you all clean and dolled up to go out, huh? Go shower for me.”

The thought occurs to Chan while Felix is still in the shower, after Chan has already called the highest rated nail salon near them and made an appointment for a slot within the next hour. He hadn’t ever even thought or fantasised about doing this before right now, but he’s already taken six steps over the line. What’s another two?

Chan decides to choose Felix’s outfit for her.

Down to the socks, down to the panties. Chan is going to choose something he knows Felix would have chosen for herself. That’s not the point. He’s not trying to push her over the line. Not yet. He just relishes the idea of choosing for her. His ex-girlfriends probably never would have let him do this for him, and he never would have asked.

But with Felix, Chan doesn’t ask. He just sits her down on her bed and begins to go through her clothes. Felix lets him, sitting pretty and dazed on the edge of the bed, watching.

He chooses pretty pink panties, white ankle socks. He knows she has a favourite pair of jeans, buttery baby-blue acid-washed low rise ones, and so he chooses those too. Chan admittedly takes some liberties with the top. He chooses a cream white crop top he’s only ever seen her wear around the apartment, then pairs it with a safe, oversized blue zip-up hoodie.

Felix looks up at him with soft, expectant eyes as he pieces the outfit together.

“Okay, angel,” Chan says when he’s got everything he needs. “Let’s get you ready.”

Felix is still naked, freshly showered, having put her hair up in a high ponytail to keep it dry. She stares at Chan, looking halfway between awed and nervous as he gets down on his knees in front of her. Chan picks up one of the socks, then sits with it in his hands looking up into Felix’s face.

“Can I?” Chan’s voice wavers slightly as he ridiculously asks permission. He can feel the way the tips of his ears are burning. He feels slightly vulnerable like this, like he’s revealing something monstrous to Felix by wanting to do this for her.

Maybe he is.

Felix’s eyes widen a little. “Oh— Yeah. Yes.”

She lifts one of her feet slightly, then gasps softly when Chan catches her foot by the ankle. He gently pulls the sock into her foot, holding back a coo of fondness when she points her toes and pushes a little forward to meet him partway and help. Chan bends her knee and pushes her leg back down, then repeats the process with her other sock.

It’s both mind-numbingly mundane and the most intense thing Chan has ever done for or to another person in his life. Felix just sits and watches him, docile and bambi-eyed, as he picks up her panties and kisses the inside of her knee as he slips her feet through the loops.

“Stand up for me, baby girl,” Chan says softly, watching as she gracefully picks herself up from the bed at his request. He smiles wider. “Thank you.”

He gently tugs her panties up to her waist, taking the time and effort to carefully cup her pretty cock and adjust the fit of the panties so that they cover her snugly. Felix lets out the sweetest series of quiet little sighs as he does it, like she’s enjoying it as much as he is.

“You’re so fucking pretty, Felix,” Chan says absentmindedly when he’s buttoning her jeans just under her belly button, his fingers brushing against her navel. “Do you know?”

“Know what?” Felix asks, blinking down at him blankly. She looks out of it, her bangs falling into her eyes and her lips slightly parted.

“How pretty you are,” Chris pushes as he rises to his feet and stands in front of her, hands petting over her waist. She’s still topless, and so he touches, running his hands over her sides and dragging his fingertips under her chest.

“You’re sweet,” Felix hums, and Chan knows she will never know how he sees her. She’s the sweet one — too sweet to ever think of herself that way.

She’s still for him as he guides her into putting on the shirt he’d chosen, then the zip-up hoodie. Felix moves where he needs her to and doesn’t comment on the insistence of his hands. She likes it, clearly, blinking softly at Chan and smiling whenever his hands touch her skin.

Felix is so very special. Chan thinks that he will never be capable of loving anyone more than he loves her, his pretty and perfect girl. When she stands fully dressed, Felix looks exactly like Chan had expected her too. She’s so soft, not a question or a doubt in her eyes, just looking at him like she’s waiting for more. More touches. More guidance. More. Just, more. And so Chan kisses her softly, then tucks one the tendrils of hair that frame her face, not pulled up in the ponytail, behind her ear.

“Come here,” Chan says, hands on her hips guiding her to stand in front of the full-length mirror.

Felix’s face lights up when she sees herself.

“You did so good,” she comments, doing a little shift of her hips to look over her shoulder and look at the outfit from all angles. “Are these the perks of dating a straight guy? Had practice with your ex-girlfriends?”

Tight, white-hot anger balls up in Chan’s chest. Felix doesn’t have anything to worry about. He would never do this for anyone but her. He would never want anyone like this but her. She has to know that. She will know that.

“I've never even tried to do this before, for anyone,” Chan manages to answer. “I just… pay attention to you. I know what you like.”

“Oh, wow. You might know even better than I do,” Felix says thoughtfully, clearly not picking up on any hint of the poorly-concealed rage in Chan’s voice. She beams at him in their reflections. “I should let you do this every day.”

“Would you?” Chan says in a rush. The knot in his chest tightens. He needs her to say yes.

“Let you?” Felix asks, sounding a little surprised. She turns away from the mirror, reaching out to cup Chan’s cheeks. “Do you really want to?”

“Yes,” Chan breathes. He closes his fingers around her wrists. “I want to.”

Something in Felix’s eyes melts and she smiles, blissful and full. “You’re so good to me. I can’t believe this is real.”

“Oh, it’s real, baby,” Chan teases, finally finding it in him to smile. “Just as real as the nail appointment you have in 20 minutes.”

“Chris,” Felix gasps, almost chastising. “I didn’t actually expect you to call for me…”

“Surprise?” Chan says half-assedly. He’s not sorry, especially not when her eyes are so mooney and soft with awe. “I just called the highest rated salon closeby. Is that okay?”

Hi, I’m calling to make an appointment for my girlfriend to get her nails done… I've never made one before, sorry. Are there multiple options? Ah, okay. The luxury package sounds good. Okay, perfect. Thank you.

“Is it too early to get married?” Felix asks, lighthearted and framed with a toothy, pretty grin, but her question smacks into Chan like a freight train. He imagines her, gown and veil, walking down the aisle to meet him, and has to take a couple deep breaths. Felix giggles, thumbing at his cheeks. “Silly boy. Calm down, I’m kidding.”

“Yeah,” Chan says, laughing lightly. He hopes his face isn’t somehow betraying that he’s imagining it all. How Felix would look wearing white and how their vows would sound. “Yeah, I know.”

“We should go, right?” Felix asks softly. “Can’t be late.”

Chan looks over her face adoringly, smiling, then kisses her nose. “You’re absolutely right.”

As it turns out, Chan was also right.

Felix picks pretty, almond-shaped acrylics that fade from a soft lily-white to a perfect powder pink at the tips, glossy and a little translucent. They look perfect on her. They make her tiny fingers look even more adorably small, accenting each and every one of her hands’ movements to be something elegant and beautiful.

They’re distractingly perfect. Felix is distractingly perfect, pretty and pleased with herself, constantly glancing down at her nails like she’s as enamoured with them as Chan is.

“Fuck, baby girl,” Chan says softly, grabbing Felix’s chin and gently pulling her face down to have her gaze rest on the way her fingers are curled around his cock, returning the favour now that they’re home from the appointment. “Look at your pretty little hands. Didn’t I tell you they’d look perfect with nails?”

“Yes,” Felix says shakily, her wide eyes locked on her own hand as she strokes over Chan’s cock with practised familiarity, twisting her wrist on each stroke. She cups his balls with her other hand, presses her fingers to the sensitive skin. “I love it.”

“Good girl,” Chan says, and the words out of his own mouth make his cock pulse in Felix’s hand as his orgasm hits him blindsided, cum spilling heavily from the slit and dripping down, over Felix’s fingers, sliding against the pretty pink of her nails. His fingers tighten in Felix’s hair as she leans in.“Fuck, look at you.”

Felix starts kitten-licking the cum off her own fingers, the softness of her tongue pressing against her own nails and Chan’s cock as she laps it up. She keeps her eyes locked on Chan’s face, wide and unblinking, as she hums and cleans up his mess. The sight alone nearly makes Chan’s cock twitch back to life, but ignores it in favour of pulling Felix away by a soft grip on her hair and kissing her the moment she's done.

“You’re so perfect for me, Lix. Such a good girl,” Chan murmurs, and he’s not talking about the handjob.

Of course he isn't. He’s talking about how Felix sat pretty and perfect for the nail artist, chatting with her and reacting with an enthusiastic nod when the woman gestured to Chan in the waiting area and asked if it was her boyfriend. He’s talking about the way all of the salon's employees insisted Felix call them ‘unnie’, when she tried to use more formal terms, and the way she had simply made the change without comment. He’s talking about the way Felix had simply giggled and hugged Chan’s arm when, while he had been paying, the woman at the register had cheekily said that his girlfriend was very lucky.

“I did good?” Felix asks, breathless and pink-cheeked.

Chan smiles at her and tucks her hair behind her ear. She’s so pretty. He didn’t really give her the chance to put on makeup today, and her bare face is always just so intoxicatingly beautiful. Such dark freckles and pretty eyes.

“Yes, baby. You’re my best girl.”

A door opens after that.

More accurately, Felix has opened a door. She has opened a door and invited Chan in, by her own free will and under no duress. She’s invited him in and now he won’t leave. Not ever.

It starts with the little things.

The first thing Chan buys her is panties. She already has her little collection, but Chan can’t be satisfied knowing they’re all years old. A set of eight pairs in pretty shades of pink and lilac, the same low-cut bikini shape she seems like so much — Prada. Felix gasps when she opens the little package, then gasps even louder when she sees the designer label.

“Why would you do that?” Felix demands, her cheeks and ears flushed pink and her eyes a little glossy.

“I love you,” Chan says, a little bemused. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“The— They must have been so expensive,” she protests, looking back down at them with wide eyes. “How am I supposed to even put them on my body?”

“Felix,” Chan laughs, “if you won’t put them on, I’ll do it for you.”

Felix somehow manages to blush even harder, making a soft, complaining sound under her breath. She doesn’t fight him on that, because they both know that he’s going to, no matter what she says. Instead, she whines, “You’re doing too much for me.”

“You deserve it, sunshine,” Chan says softly. “You deserve it all. I told you I wanted to do this for you, didn’t I? I told you I wanted to keep you happy and pretty and safe.”

The metaphorical tub is overflowing. The water’s simmer is rolling into a boil. Now is Felix’s time to get out. Chan is laying all his cards out on the table. He’s scaring even himself. He sounds unwell, even to his own ears.

And yet, Felix doesn’t even seem to bat an eye. Not at that part of the situation, anyway.

“B-but you can’t just go around buying me designer clothes,” Felix says weakly, fumbling for her words like she’s been shocked. “We have bills to pay.”

“Don’t start worrying about that, baby,” Chan says, carefully pulling the box out of her hands and putting it on the counter. They’re just standing there in the kitchen having this conversation, out in the open. “You know my salary is nearly twice yours, right?”

Felix seems to shrink into herself a little. It’s been a point of contention between them in the past, Felix wanting to pay for more to make up for her shortcomings, and Chan refusing to let her cover even half of their utilities and rent, knowing that he can take on more of it without sweating it. He’s always been the provider, and he’s content with it that way.

“I know,” Felix says weakly. “I— I’m trying, hyung, you know—”

“Shh, Lix, what did we say about calling me that?” Chan says, stepping in closer and holding her face. “Breathe, sweetheart. You’re working yourself up. You know that wasn’t my point.”

“Yeah,” Felix sighs. “I know.”

“I’m always going to want to take care of you,” Chan says. He draws her in close and kisses the sharp cupid’s bow of her lip. “All I’m saying is that I don’t need you worrying about money, okay? Just let me spoil you.”

“Okay,” Felix whispers, looking at Chan with big, shiny eyes. “Promise?”

“Yeah, baby girl.” Chan says, then without thinking, says, “Oppa promises.”

Silence for a moment. Chan holds his breath silently, wishing the floor would open up and swallow him. Felix stares at him. Presses her lips together. Then nods.

“Yeah, okay,” she agrees softly. “Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t— I should have thanked you.”

“It’s okay,” Chan murmurs. “Maybe I should have run it past you before I bought them. I wanted to surprise you, but—”

“No,” Felix says. She smiles a little bashfully. “I like it. I do, I just… Was nervous. But it’s you, and I—” She breaks off with a laugh. “I don’t have anything to be nervous about with you. I know that.”

“Good,” Chan says, breathless and stunned. She’s stealing all his lines for herself. She’s refusing to get out, even as the water boils.

“Thank you, Oppa,” Felix says lightly, innocently, and leans against his hands to kiss him securely on the mouth. “I love them.”

And, with that, things evolve. Felix is blossoming. Chan had always known she would.

He had planted the seed and had taken care of the seedling as best he could under cover of darkness, tending to it and feeding it as it grew. But the door is open now — Felix has opened the door — and sunlight is streaming in, allowing that seedling to bloom.

Felix is something rare and beautiful. Something to be treasured, and Chan knows that he is more than capable of treasuring her the way that she deserves.

So he does.

The next set of purchases are not small things, relative to the panties from before. Work clothes, because Felix deserves to feel as pretty there as she does at home. A couple soft, oversized blazers. A few blouses. A new set of reading glasses. Two maxi-length pencil skirts, one brown and one dark charcoal grey with pink pinstripes. He doesn’t stay loyal to any particular brand for this one. Louis Vuitton, Prada, Michael Kors, LuisaviaRoma. Even the glasses are Chanel.

Chan knows he’s being overzealous. Of course Felix doesn’t need designer clothes. It’s that she deserves it, and that Chan can easily provide it. So, why wouldn’t he?

True to form, Felix’s reaction is adorable. She almost gets indignant, almost lets herself feel guilty, but then she looks up at Chan and visibly softens, her eyes going shiny and wide and her lips puffing out in a little pout. Verbally, Felix just thanks Chan, asks to try things on immediately.

That’s something that honestly sort of surprises Chan. She asks him, as if she’s incapable of just doing it herself.

He bites. He always does. It gets to a point where Chan is dressing Felix far more often than she’s dressing herself. She sits pretty for him, lets him smooth every wrinkle in her clothes and adjust her hair so it falls perfectly around her face.

“So beautiful,” Chan says, as he brushes his fingers through Felix’s hair. He’s starting to see the way her darker roots shine through, and smiles to himself. “Mm. We need to make you an appointment for your hair, huh, angel?”

“Mm-hmm,” Felix agrees, her eyes still closed against the feeling of her hair being played with. “S’getting long. Need to retouch.”

“We’ll make one later,” Chan promises, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.

For that appointment, Felix insists on going alone. Chan understands, he thinks. There’s some amount of vulnerability about the process of dying hair, as far as he understands. His ex-girlfriends were the same way about it. Chan doesn’t fuss over it. He just lets Felix borrow his card when she goes, then showers her in praise and compliments when she comes home, freshly Barbie-blonde and glowing.

That alone brings on the onslaught of thoughts and urges that result in Chan’s next purchases.

These ones are presumptuous. If Chan has to count them, he’d say he’s definitely gotten more than twenty steps over the line, by now.

It’s lingerie. Fleur du Mal, Kiki de Montparnasse. Chan has to do genuine research to find the top brands, but he does it, because Felix deserves best.

Chan doesn’t just let her see these. He has Felix close her eyes and let him dress her. Maybe that’s another step over the line. Chan has lost count. He’s lost whatever moral compass he used to have, when it comes to Felix.

“Open,” Chan murmurs, and Felix blinks open her eyes.

He’s got her standing in front of him facing the mirror, his hands on the soft, exposed skin of her waist. All Felix is wearing is one of the pretty matching sets Chan got her, a lily white one. It’s a pretty, sheer pair of panties and a bralette, both of which fit her perfectly. The lace panels are so beautifully, painstakingly crafted that they look like little ivory tableaus of flowers and fruits against Felix’s golden skin.

Felix gasps when she focuses on her reflection, her mouth dropping and staying open. Of course she felt him put the clothes on her body, but Chan is sure the sheer beauty of her body in them is earth-shattering, beyond what any of her expectations could have been.

“Chris,” Felix breathes. “This is…”

“I know,” Chan murmurs, dropping a kiss on her shoulder. “Look at you, little one.”

Felix’s lashes flutter as she shakes her head slowly, her hands pressing along the waistband hem of the panties. “I never thought… I guess— I don’t know what to say.”

“What do you say?” Chan prompts lightly, though in truth he doesn’t even care if she does thank him. He’s just happy to see her like this.

“Thank you, Oppa,” Felix whispers, her eyes so big as she looks over her form, again and again.

“Good girl. There are others. This set was just the prettiest,” Chan says softly. “Wanted to start with the best.”

Felix turns around in Chan’s arms and kisses him, hard and insistent. Chan laughs into the kiss and holds her tight, as tight as he possibly can.

“The best,” Felix mumbles somewhere against Chan’s mouth, repeating his words like she’s processing them.“You’re the best boyfriend.”

“My best girl,” Chan says back, nonsensical, but Felix makes such a soft, pleased sound into his mouth at the words that he’s not even embarrassed.

Chan couldn’t be happier.

He’s gotten what he wanted. But, in some sick way, Chan hasn’t actually done anything at all. He’s not forced Felix into a single thing. He’s never laid a hand on her or made a single threat. All that Chan has done is simply let her acclimate. He’d put his hand carefully in the touch-tank and let her come to him, and his patience is being rewarded, now, in spades.

“Channie-oppa,” Felix calls to him as she and two of her friends come back to the table from the bathroom — that being a rather new development that Chan has observed — all three linked at the arms. “Jisoo-yah wants hotteok with the next round.”

“Okay, baby,” Chan says, not looking up from the meat he’s grilling at the table for much more than a few seconds to send her a little smile. “Whatever you want.”

A soft little flutter of chatter runs through the three of them as they take their seats, Felix next to Chan and her friends next on her other side. Chan can hear Jisoo whining about Felix exposing her, then can hear her boyfriend, Minho, comforting her quietly. Their entire mutual friend group finally had organised a night out after over half a year of near-miss planning, opting for BBQ, like they used to in uni.

Not a single one of them has said anything negative about Chan and Felix. Or anything at all, for that matter.

Felix’s friends, the two loud ones Chan has always known she’s been attached at the hip to, compliment her developing new style and tell her she’s pretty. Chan greatly approves of this, especially when it makes his girl's face light up like the sun every time it happens. Chan catches the subtle glances both of the girls send him. He smiles.

The louder one, a nice girl named Hyunjin, greeted him warmly and smiled hugely at the sight of Chan and Felix together. Chan thinks it’s because Hyunjin sees what’s really happened. How Felix has blossomed. She’s always seemed like the observant type.

The other, Jisoo, is as much of a nervous wreck as she was in uni. She’s nice, but she’d eyed Chan a little like she was scared of him when she and Minho had arrived. Chan doesn’t really care what she thinks of him. He just hopes she doesn’t say anything that might hurt Felix’s feelings.

Chan grills the meat for the whole table, because he’s the oldest and because it’s the way it’s always been. Felix feeds him bites of meat and chats with everyone on his behalf to let him grill in peace.

No one says anything about it.

What could they say? Chan isn’t doing anything.

Felix is just blossoming, and she just so happens to be blossoming under Chan’s touch. He’s not doing anything except guiding her, loving her. Even an outsider to their relationship can see that.

“I can’t tell you how good it is to see h-her,” Changbin says quietly to Chan, stumbling just a little over the pronouns, as they watch their respective girlfriends hug each other goodbye at the end of the night, “so happy with you.”

“Yeah,” Chan says. He claps his open palm against Changbin’s shoulder. “Thanks, Changbin-ah. I didn’t even know she could be any more happy. She was always such an angel.”

Changbin laughs, a funny, airy little snort that makes Chan tear his eyes off Hyunjin and Felix to look over at him. Changbin is studying him. “Hyung. You’re such an interesting person.”

“What does that mean?” Chan asks, utterly bewildered. He’s nothing special. Especially not when put next to an enigma as bright and beautiful as Felix.

“Nothing,” Changbin says quickly, smiling crookedly. “I’m just glad it all worked out. Feels like fate.”

Maybe Felix’s friends gave her similar talks that night. When they come home, she’s very quiet.

Felix is capable of being quiet of course. This isn’t out of the ordinary. But the way that she’s quiet is what gives Chan pause. She keeps staring off, and not in the spacey way that he’s used to her doing. It’s like she’s contemplating something, her pretty brows furrowed and her jaw set.

“What’s on your mind, sweet thing?” Chan finally caves and asks when her expression doesn’t fade as he’s undressing her for bed. She’s laying there, pliant as ever, but frowning at the ceiling. It’s putting a raw, acidic taste at the back of Chan’s throat. “Talk to me, Felix.”

“I don’t know,” Felix says. Her voice comes out flat. Sobered. Not the tone she usually uses with Chan. “Just thinking.”

Chan's gotten her stripped down to her underwear and bralette. When his hands smooth along her hips, Felix flinches. Chan freezes and stares at her, his eyes wide and mouth hanging open. What had he done wrong? Why is she responding like this?

“Baby,” Chan tries, pressing his hands to her skin. Felix makes a soft, unhappy sort of sound, squirming. “Felix, I—”

“Stop touching me, please, Chris,” she whispers.

Chan takes his hands off of her like he’s been burned. He staggers a step back from the bed, staring. Shakes his head. “What’s going on, Lix?”

“There's something wrong with this, isn’t there?” Felix asks, the words leaving her in a soft, shaky breath, like she herself isn’t really sure of what she’s saying. She sits up a little, props herself up on her elbows. Her lower lip is bitten raw and bloody, Chan notices. He doesn’t know when that happened. She’d been fine at dinner. Felix wets her lips and sighs. “This isn’t…”

“It isn’t what?” Chan presses. He doesn’t step any closer to the bed. It’s him between her and the door. He knows that’s not a normal thought, but he swallows it down anyway.

“I just,” Felix starts, then stops short.

Her teeth press into the bloody divot she’s already worn into her lip. It takes genuine effort on Chan’s behalf not to reach over and tug her lip from between her teeth, desperate to get her to stop ruining herself over this. Felix blinks wetly up at him. She’s started to tear up.

“Things have changed so much,” Felix finds the words to say, staring right at Chan as she says it. It’s like she’s waiting for him to make some sort of expression and relieve her of what she’s trying to say. “Haven’t— Haven’t they?”

“What do you mean?” Chan breathes.

He can’t be certain what she means, because she’s right. Everything has changed, for the better. She has changed. They have changed. Felix and Chan have built a new them, and now Felix is swinging a sledgehammer at the drywall of the house they’ve built together.

“Look at me,” Felix says, so urgent and panicked that it makes Chan flinch a little. She gets her legs underneath herself and shifts forward, crawling pitifully on her hands and knees to come right up to the edge of the bed, right in front of Chan. She kneels there, defeated and incredulous, and gestures at her body — at the pretty black lingerie she’s wearing. “Look at me.”

All Chan can think is that she’s so beautiful like this. Her perfect, blonde hair is falling in her shiny, wet eyes. Her pretty button nose is red, one of those tells she gets before she cries. She’s small, pitiful. Of course she is. But she’s beautiful.

“I’m looking, Felix, but I’m not understanding,” Chan says, his voice coming out so steady that it registers as a little creepy even to his own ears. “I don’t see a thing wrong with you.”

“I— Why—” Felix laughs wetly. She blinks, and those pretty tears start to fall. “You always have just the right thing to say, don’t you?”

“Lix,” Chan says, and Felix laughs again. Loud, a little unhinged. Chan stares at her.

“You’re not saying it now.” Felix tilts her head. “You’re not saying any of it now, are you, Oppa? Where’s the ‘baby girl’? Where’s the ‘best girl’? Are you scared?”

Chan is not scared.

He is horrified.

“Is that what you need right now? Reassurance?” Chan asks, his brows knitting together. “I can—”

“I need— I need you to speak straight,” Felix interrupts. “We’ve— We’ve changed. You can see that, right? Suddenly I’m looking around and I don’t fucking recognise the person I am anymore. Do you know how fucking scary that is?”

Chan flounders. He’s not sure what to say here. Of course he sees it. Of course he sees the beautiful girl that Felix has become. But it doesn’t feel safe to say that. It doesn’t feel safe to do anything. He’s just standing in front of Felix, staring at her stupidly with his hands useless at his sides.

“I don’t know why I’m even asking you,” Felix says, her words coming out as a sob. She smiles through it, laughing again as tears fall down her cheeks. She looks down at herself, sucking her lower lip into her mouth and then releasing it to sigh as she runs her hands over her body, lifting her head and meeting Chan’s gaze. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it? Is this what you wanted from me? Wanted me to be your pretty girl?”

She’s teasing him. Toying with him. Her fingers drag slowly over the soft material of her lingerie. She’s daring him to say it, that she’s right. The single scrap of self-preservation Chan’s got left in his system keeps him from just caving under the heavy weight of her eyes on his.

“I don’t understand,” he lies. “Are you… unhappy?”

Felix hums noncommittally. Her hands graze her own hips, then slide down her thighs. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life, but I don’t even recognise myself in the mirror anymore. Isn’t that strange?”

“What’s strange to me is how unhappy you seem now,” Chan says. He finally takes an unsteady step back in Felix’s direction. “You weren’t unhappy before tonight. What happened? Did someone say something at dinner?”

“No,” Felix stresses. Her fingers press into the soft flesh of her thighs, her pretty pink nails digging in. She just had them redone two days ago. “That’s the problem. No one said a thing.”

“I’m lost,” Chan says quietly, and with a little hesitation, he reaches out and brushes his knuckles against her soft, damp cheek. Felix doesn’t flinch at his touch like she had before. Instead, she just stares up at him, leaning into it despite the nearly lethal look on her face.

“They all accepted it. Is it because it’s you? Maybe they assumed you would have said something if there was something wrong. You’re always right. Safe. Maybe that’s it.” Felix says, like she’s genuinely wondering it aloud. Her eyes soften as she seems to think silently for a moment, her gaze flitting across Chan’s face. It’s relieving. She looks like his girl again, when she’s soft like that. “There’s something wrong with me. But no one noticed.”

At that, Chan finally gives in. He gets on his knees in front of Felix, hands on her thighs, and looks up at her pleadingly.

“Baby girl,” Chan says, saying it firmly, as if to spite what she’d said earlier, “There is nothing wrong with you.”

Felix looks down at him, stunned. Her mouth is open slightly and her eyes are wide. She looks ruffled, like a startled baby bird. Her chest rises and falls with soft breaths.

“Can I ask you something?” Chan pushes after a moment of silence between them.

“Yes,” Felix says softly. Her voice comes out thin and weak.

She’s shattering in slow motion. The cracks are spreading in thin, spiderwebbing lines throughout the façade she’s putting up. Her bravado and anger is being eaten up and replaced with desperation, panic. Felix stares at Chan as she shatters, pleading with her eyes for him to catch.her when she falls.

“If you’re the only one seeing something wrong with yourself,” Chan starts, looking up at her with all the earnest intent in the world, “is it possible that what you’re feeling is just… doubt?”

“Doubt,” Felix repeats emotionlessly, but her eyes are shining. She’s so intense like this. She’s something unfiltered and dangerous now. Desperate. Panicked. But willing, underneath all of that. Chan can see the willingness seeping back into her eyes. “I’m feeling… doubt.”

“Maybe,” Chan says gently. “I want you, Felix. I want you as you are.”

“What am I?” Felix asks, so genuine and unsure that it sounds like she’s begging him to answer, like she doesn’t even know, herself. “What is it that I am that you want so badly?”

“Felix,” Chan answers. “You’re Felix. You’re my Felix.”

“Okay,” she says, and her voice breaks a little. Felix grabs and holds Chan’s face, looking between his eyes like she can’t decide where to look. “I want you. I want you, too.”

“You have me,” Chan murmurs. He lets his face be held, blinking up at Felix dutifully.

Felix makes a soft sound at the back of her throat. She’s finally cracking open, right down the middle. Her insides are even more beautiful than the outside skin, sparkling like a geode as her face twists into something softly broken. “Come. Come here. Please.”

Chan doesn’t waste a moment. He’s lowering her into her back on the bed, leaning over her, in what feels like the blink of an eye. He cups her cheek again, looking over her features lovingly, carefully.

“Did you know I prayed for this?” Felix asks, staring at Chan with such unnerving focus that he almost wants to cover her eyes. “I prayed. I— I got Hyunjin-ah to tell me about the properties of crystals and I talked to Jisoo-yah about spells. Spells. I didn’t do any of that, but I thought about it. What I did do was pray. I opened my bible for the first time in years and I prayed to be right for you.”

“Felix,” Chan mumbles, a little shell-shocked. “You are right for me. You’re perfect.”

“I wasn’t,” Felix says, matter-of-fact. She rubs her cheek against his hand, her lashes fluttering a little. “But I changed. And you’re obsessed with me, now.”

“Yeah,” Chan says unthinkingly — carelessly. He shouldn’t just agree like that, but it doesn’t matter anymore. It falls through the cracks anyway, forgotten in seconds.

Felix’s breath hitches in her throat, and then she drags him down with hands buried in his hair to kiss him. Chan kisses her back, so desperate to make up for — everything, everything that’s gone wrong — that he just loses himself in it.

She tastes distantly like soju and the lip gloss that has long rubbed off of her lips. She tastes a little like the iron tang of blood, from biting her lip. She tastes like Felix. Chan drags his tongue along hers, coaxing a little whimper out of her.

“You’re okay, baby girl,” Chan murmurs when they part for air. “I’ve got you.”

“I know,” Felix says brokenly, her fingers tightening in his hair. “I know you do.”

Chan brushes his lips against her softly, almost teasingly. “Good.”

He sits back from her so he can look at her. She lays still for him, watching him as much as he is watching her. Chan sees the way Felix’s back arches slightly as he rakes his eyes over her body, watches the sharp little intake of breath that a soft caress of her skin produces. He can only imagine what she can see on his face, within his body.

“Can you—” Felix stops herself, swallowing heavily when his eyes come up to meet hers. “Can you make it better?”

Chan immediately knows what she needs. He can give her what she needs. He’d give her anything.

“Always, baby,” he promises. “Anything.”

Felix goes as easy as she ever does, like nothing has happened. As if this isn’t so much more than sex has ever been before between them. This is a pact. An agreement. Felix whines a little when Chan starts to take off her panties, but lifts her hips obediently and straightens her legs, so eager to please. That newly sated, intense glint in her eyes doesn’t go away. Not when Chan undresses himself, and not when he cages her in and starts touching her, reverent and careful.

Chan can’t stop thinking about how it must feel for her, knowing that she’s perfect for him. He hopes she knows that it wouldn’t — couldn’t — have been anyone else. It’s always been her.

“Good girl,” Chan praises, when she takes three of his fingers without any hesitation as he fingers her open. “Good fucking girl.”

“Fuck,” is all Felix says, looking right through Chan. “Feels good.”

“You’re made for this,” Chan mumbles. His eyes flick down to her pretty little cock, useless and hard against her stomach. He follows the instinct to wrap his hand around it and stroke in time to his fingers pressing inside of her over and over. “Made for me.”

“Oh— Oppa, Chris, ah—” Felix gasps, her eyes refocusing on him, desperate and pleading. “I— I’m close—”

“Already?” Chan asks, smiling at her softly. He curls his fingers inside of her back toward himself, savouring the way she clenches around him at the movement. His own cock throbs, angry and neglected. “Not even inside you yet, sweetheart.”

“Want it— oh, fuck, I’m gonna cum—” Felix whines, her body going tense in his hold. “Can I—?”

“Do it,” Chan says, a little carelessly. He doesn’t let up fucking her with his fingers, “Cum for me. Gonna fuck you anyway, angel.”

“Yes,” Felix says, raw and breathy, and then cums into his fist, her pretty eyes rolling back.

Chan waits until she’s shaking in the aftershocks before he pulls his fingers from her and replaces them in one sure, fluid movement with his cock. He doesn’t hesitate, just pushes in.

Felix lets out a punched-out moan, her jaw dropping. “Oh, fuck.”

“Shh, sunshine, breathe,” Chan murmurs, dipping his head to kiss the corner of her mouth. “You can take it.”

“I can,” Felix agrees, so desperate and quick that it comes out almost indignant, like the mere flipside of the statement even plausibly existing has somehow offended her. “Can take it— Made for it— ah—”

Chan draws his hips back and then presses back in, slow and steady. She’s so tight. She always is. “Fuck. I love your fucking pussy so much, Lix,” Chan groans, thumbing at her upper arms and bumping their noses together. “So perfect. So wet and tight for my cock.”

Felix mewls, maybe because of the words or maybe because Chan is building a slow, wanton pace, dragging out every movement to feel every moment of it as fully as possible.

“You know how pretty you are,” Chan pants nonsensically, looking over her features. “I know you do. You like looking pretty for me, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Felix agrees easily, her eyes heavy-lidded, barely open anymore. “Wanna be good for you.”

“You are. You’re so fucking good. Makes me want to worship you,” Chan says, a little too raw and truthful. He sighs. “You deserve it. All of it.”

“Mmh, fuck,” Felix moans, an intoxicating mixture of disorientation and pleasure crossing her features. “What— What are you saying?”

“You like it all,” Chan murmurs. “You want it all, don’t you? You want to be worshiped by me. Your little cunt got so fucking tight when I said that. You want to be so good and pretty for me.”

“I want you,” Felix whimpers. “I want you, I like it all— I want to be yours—”

Chan groans approvingly. “And what does that make you?”

“Chris, I—” Felix whimpers, looking lost and confused.

“You asked me what you are,” Chan murmurs. “You asked me what it is that you are that I want so badly.”

He pairs the words with a well-timed, fluid roll of his hips that makes Felix’s face twist in hazy pleasure. She looks like she’s barely following his words, but she nods anyway.

“I think you know,” Chan hums. He’s taking his time. Every movement is deliberate and deep, but he’s fucking her slower than he ever has before. “So answer me. What does it make you?”

He sees the moment it occurs to her. Felix’s eyes shoot wide open, her pretty lips parting. She looks up at him like she’s receiving a divine revelation, like he’s clicked the last puzzle piece into place for her.

Chan smiles at Felix with all the warmth and affection he can possibly pour into a single expression. There she is. There’s his smart girl. He grabs her jaw gently and leans down to kiss her on her open mouth.

“Tell me,” Chan urges, snapping his hips into her harder. He’s willing to fuck the words out of her, if he has to. “What does this make you?”

“Your girl,” Felix gasps, quiet at first, just an outburst of breath. She blinks up at him, then repeats, louder, more desperately, “Your girl. Your girl.”

“What did I make you?” Chan asks, then, past the point of regret or caution.

“Your girl,” Felix sobs, her eyes going unfocused as he fucks her harder. “M’your girl— Ah, please— Oppa—”

“Good girl,” Chan mutters through the dazed smile on his lips, kissing her mouth fleetingly again, then her nose and cheeks, then her forehead. “That’s right, angel, fuck. My girl. All mine.”

Felix whimpers softly, her hole tightening around him even as he fucks her. Her nails dig into his biceps, perfectly painful. She’s so beautiful, crying under him like this. Such pretty, wet eyes and dark streaks of mascara running down her freckled cheeks.

“M’gonna cum again,” Felix cries out, interrupting his appreciation of her. She’s blinking up at him desperately, eyebrows turned up sweetly and lower lip trembling. “Oppa, ah— ah— fuck—!”

Chan lets go of her face to fist over her little cock, rough and a little uncoordinated. She’s so wet for him.

“You’re gonna cum for me,” Chan says, his voice coming out winded. “You’re gonna cum on my cock and then oppa is gonna fill you up like you deserve, huh?”

If Chan is honest with himself, he’s unsure if he’s even going to make it that far. It’s always like this with Felix; Chan is on a hair-trigger around her. At least Felix makes it easy for him, somehow even more sensitive than he is.

“Yes, fuck,” Felix gasps, her eyes fluttering shut and her jaw dropping. Her cock twitches in Chan’s hold, telling of her impending orgasm. “Oh, God—”

“Cum for me,” Chan begs through gritted teeth. “Cum for me, pretty girl.”

Felix lets out a sound like a yelp, high-pitched and loud, her spine arching off the mattress as it hits her. Her hips snap up into Chan’s hand as she rides it out and her cum paints her soft tummy and the edge of the pretty back lace of her bralette. The sounds Felix lets out are light and breathy, so girlish. She’s so fucking pretty that the sight of her is what really sends Chan right over the edge after her.

He groans, loud and strung-out, pressing his forehead to her shoulder as he cums, burying his cock as deep in her as possibly can.

“Oh, God, yes,” Felix sobs, throwing her arms around Chan’s shoulders and clawing at his back as they both come down from their highs, her sharp nails sure to leave lasting marks. She’s shaking, picture-perfect and open-mouthed.

For one raw, terrifying moment as the haze fades from Chan’s vision, he worries that it’s all going to fade away. He’s terrified that perfect, pretty Felix is going to melt through his fingers like a mirage.

She doesn’t.

Felix, unperturbed and adoring, stares up at Chan. She’s real. She is a direct consequence of all that he’s done, and she is real. Chan has lovingly sculpted Felix into the girl he has beneath him.

“I love you,” Chan mumbles unthinkingly. He just needs her to know. Needs to get it out. “It was always going to be you.”

Felix takes a stilted little breath, her lips curling into such a soft smile that she almost looks frail. Deceptively delicate, something that Chan needs to wrap his whole being around and protect. Something that would break with nothing but a wrong touch.

“I waited for you,” she breathes. “I waited.”

“I know you did,” Chan says, and he’s almost sorry. He loves her, and he’s almost sorry for it — the way that she’d had to wait so long for him to act on this. “I know.”

“I love you, too,” Felix says belatedly, softly. “I always have.”

Chan kisses her. He can’t really do anything but kiss her, because it seems like the only appropriate thing left to do. Felix melts into putty beneath him. Chan smiles into the kiss.

He’ll never be able to love Felix any louder than he already does.