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The sky in Hokkaido was always glittery. And to be honest, Shirou missed this crispness when he was away. Was that what they called Homesickness? Liocott Island was an adventure in itself, and Inazuma Japan pulled something impossible. Rising to be the dark horse of the tournament and eventually winning it? Wow. As much as he hoped for the win and made sure to give it his all, he really did not think that was possible. But playing with Endou’s support in their back, and working with Kidou’s strategies were the cornerstone of the win.
But he still missed home. This city had his memories of his family. Of him. His other half. His twin. He keeps looking at the stars and wonders, what it would feel like to have Atsu at his side during the tournament. Playing on the same field again. Being on the national team together. He knows it's no use crying over spilt milk, but he can't help but wish. Wish that he had his brother. Wish he was not so alone.
(Just out of the periphery of his sight, a shooting star streaked through the sky and vanished.)
Shirou always took the time to wake up. When he was still struggling with his dissociative identity disorder, he had spent endless nights fighting insomnia and Atsuya. This usually left him too tired to wake up early, so he usually took time to roll around on the bed with his eyes closed and get additional time to rest before having to power through the day. So, it took him too much time to notice that it was not his bed. In fact, it was not even his room.
As soon as he got a peek of pale-yellow walls and a second bed across from his, he sprang up on his bed and started to look around frantically.
What the hell? What is this? Where is he? Did someone gas him and kidnap him? The only person he knew of being evil enough to hurt middle schoolers was Kageyama and he was dead as a doornail. So, what the fuck? Excuse him for his foul language but he is starting to panic. The last time he had a lapse in memory was when Atsuya’s personality had suddenly taken over and took him on a joyride in Kyoto instead of joining a practice with everyone. Ever since Atsuya vanished from his mindscape, he had never had such an episode.
Just as he was ready to hyperventilate and call someone from Raimon, Kidou-kun more specifically, someone barged into the room.
“The hell, Aniki. It’s almost time for break…..Why are you standing on the bed?”
And Shirou just forgets to breathe. Because right in front of him, stands the embodiment of his deepest regret. Biggest trauma. Biggest wish. His one and only twin brother. Who is also dead. Shirou feels the loss of strength in his legs and tumbles backwards to the wall, only to slip down like a limp noodle.
Atsuya’s (how is he here?) eyes widen in alarm and dives in to catch his brother in case he tumbles down the bed.
“Aniki. What happened? You, ok?”
When he doesn’t get any response from his brother other than a glazed-eyed stare, Atsuya immediately reaches for him. Apparently, he hasn’t started breathing again and started hyperventilating because Atsuya is quickly climbing on the bed beside him and starting to rub his sternum fretfully.
“Breathe Nii-san. Breathe.” And he must be following his coaching as Atsuya’s instructions take a steadier tone, “Yes. Just like that. Take slow and deep breaths. Keep breathing with me. 1…2…3…4”
And he completely relents the control because if starts to think now, he might combust. Soon enough, someone else walks in. And thankfully, it is a familiar face, which gives him a semblance of peace.
“Atsuya. What's taking you so long? We have to start the practice after breakfast.” Kazemaru’s deeper voice calls them from the doorway.
“Wait a second Kazemaru-san. Something is wrong with Aniki. You go ahead. We’ll be right behind you” Atsuya is quick to reply but his eyes remain on his brother’s pale face and his hand keeps rubbing his brother’s spine. But instead of leaving as instructed by the younger Fubuki brother, Kazemaru enters the room fully, looking a little worried.
“Is he ok? What happened?”
“I dunno. Aniki never sleeps in late. So, I came looking for him. He was standing on the bed and totally freaking out. Then he almost fainted. 1…2…3…4… Keep breathing, Nii-san”
Kazemaru gives a really puzzled look. “Does he have a fever? Do you think that sudden change in the climate is affecting him? But I thought you two of all people would have the least trouble with Russian cold.”
While this was really fascinating, Shirou was dealing with an internal crisis. What was going on? How is Atsuya here? Was this a dream? It must be. Atsu is dead. Has been for the last 8 years.
It took him a long minute or maybe ten, but his breathing finally evened out and he could hear the other two occupants talking.
“This has never happened before.” Atsuya sounds really stressed, and all of a sudden, a sudden calmness washes over Shirou and he looks at his brother. “Aniki. Are you feeling ok? Are you feeling lightheaded? Can you breathe properly now?” Atsuya is asking frantically and signaling Kazemaru to bring water for him.
Shirou gives a meek nod and takes the glass of water gladly. He is highly confused but thinks, maybe it is a dream. A wistful dream. So, for once, maybe he should let it go and live it out for the night. Come morning, he will be back in his lonely reality anyway. So, maybe he should just bask in the presence of his brother as much as he can.
He gives a meek smile to his brother and assures him that he is fine and he had a bad dream last night and he woke up in a panic. An understanding flashes across Atsuya’s face and he readily accepts the explanation.
The rest of the day is pretty bizarre for Shirou. He follows his brother and Kazemaru-kun to the mess hall. He listens quietly and tries to collect the information. Apparently,
They are Inazuma Japan.
They are in the middle of the FFI tournament.
They are in Russia.
And to be honest, these facts line up pretty neatly with the fervent wish he had before he fell asleep. So he spends the entire day following his 'not-dead' brother around the camp. He stays silent and observes. There are several new faces he has not seen before and some of the faces he knows are missing from the team. He watches Atsuya laugh and smile with other guys and practice like there is no tomorrow. His competitive streak is shining. One of his passes does not connect to Hiroto (What? That’s not Hiroto. Hiroto is practicing on the other side of the field with Saginuma.) And they start to bicker. People turn to him for some reason so he gives a placating smile to them. Hiroto and Atsuya’s fight taper down after a minute and they resume their practice. While he is told by everyone else to take breaks more frequently, Atsuya keeps an eye on him like a hawk. While others have a break in an hour, he is asked to take it every 30 minutes. He wants to protest but he sees worry in everyone’s gazes so he complies.
Atsuya and him share a table during lunch with Hiroto and Fudou. And he silently watches everyone getting along. He does not know how he conjured up this team where only a few are from the real one. The only people he can recognize are Endou, Goenji, Kazemaru, Hiroto, Saginuma and Fudou. So, he is a little confused. But his focus is on his brother.
Atsuya is as boisterous as he was before his death. He gives a wolfish grin and pokes the other Hiroto as well as one guy with really messy hair. They get into another fight and somehow, he feels a lot of expectant gazes on him, again. What? Is he supposed to do something about it? Atsuya is his own person. And other guys too behave very similar to Atsu. They are bound to clash. Keeping Atsuya caged for smaller fights always led to bigger tantrums when they were children. So if they do not let simple banter pass, it might become major fight later.
The fight really mellows down on its own after few minutes (See? They just need to get it out of their system.) So, the afternoon workout starts. They perform various exercises to keep their muscles strong but for some reason, his right leg keeps flaring in pain. After those movements, he has to stop and allow his pain to subside before continuing on. Every time he hisses under his breathe, he can feel Atsuya's worried gaze on him.
All throughout the day, he keeps glancing towards his brother. He’s so lively. Smiling confidently as he competes with other forwards. Sometimes his smile turns cocky and his words become sharper. But he was glad to see that people just shake their heads fondly instead of feeling indignant. He also catches his brother looking back at him frequently. He looks a little worried but then he is called for something else by someone and he has to attend to that. This keeps them pretty busy till dinner.
Dinner is also very similar to breakfast and lunch. Players get together in the dining area while managers (he only recognizes Aki. It's really bizarre to not see Kidou-kun or Otonashi-san in the team. What’s with that, by the way? Even if he is back in Teikoku, Kidou-kun would not have been passed over for the national team. There is no one like him when it comes to strategy in the field.) have prepared them a well-balanced meal to support their athletic body. The dining area is full of conversation, jokes, banter and a light atmosphere. Shirou quietly eats his dinner and tries to hold a conversation with people around him. Atsuya keeps talking mischievously and it hurts his heart to think that come morning, he won’t have it anymore. So, he keeps his eyes on his brother and soaks his presence. He may never be able to have this dream again.
Soon enough it's time for bed, and Atsuya joins him in his room. But before that, brothers are required to study and complete their worksheets (Wow. Homework won’t leave him alone. Not even in his dreams). So, both the brothers work on their worksheets silently, with Hiroto on their other side. (The one who Atsuya, and others too, keeps calling Tatsuya)
“You were very quiet all day today, Shirou-kun,” Hiroto asks him without even raising his head from his own workbook.
And Shirou, who has been looking at the same math problem for the last half an hour without a single shred of understanding, looks up at his friend, “I am not feeling too well today. Sorry if I worried you.” And smiles prettily. This smile had fooled the Raimon team for a full month before his breakdown. He is sure that it can fool Hiroto again.
Atsuya’s pencil also comes to a stop, “Aniki. Are you feeling sick?”
Shirou turns his disarming smile towards his brother next, “Not sick. But I have been feeling a little out of place since this morning. But don’t worry, Atsu. It's fine. I’m sure it will go away by tomorrow morning.” Atsuya gives a contemplative look but goes back to his worksheet.
The rest of the hour passes silently, only broken by the scritch and scratch of the pencil of three boys occasionally. By the time it's 10 o’clock and it's time to head to bed, Shirou has been unable to solve a single math problem. Atsuya gives a quizzical look at that and Shirou gives a sheepish one in return. But all of them get ready for bed. As an athletic team, they are required to follow a strict timetable so as not to impact their performance.
And he is caught totally off-guard when instead of leaving the room for his own, Atsuya just climbs into his bed and gets ready to sleep. Shirou looks at him wide-eyed and gets under the cover as well. To be honest, his heart is racing like a cheetah. Because that’s it. He will wake up any moment and lose Atsu again. He can’t contain his tears. But thankfully, Atsuya is too engrossed in his phone so Shirou is successful in wiping away his tears discreetly.
“Atsu,” he whispers but seems like he is not successful in keeping tears out of his voice.
“Hmm,” Atsuya hums absently, still engrossed in his phone.
“What if I tell you that there was a world where I don’t have you?”
Atsuya’s hand still and he turns to look at his brother, “Was it another nightmare?” And asks softly. So softly that he doesn’t even sound like the same boy that fought with his teammates all day.
“Maybe” It's not like he can tell him that this is the dream. Not the other one.
Atsuya puts down his phone and shifts his entire body to face his brother. “There is not a single world in any universe where you are alone. You will have lots of amazing friends, but most importantly, you will have me. I will always be there. To steal tamagoyaki from your bentos. To hang off of you like a leech. To punch jerks in your place,” Atsuya gives a mischievous grin at that, “but most importantly, I’ll always be your brother and love you unconditionally. I promise” and intertwines their pinkies together. Shirou gives him a watery smile in return but does not speak. He wants to look at his brother as long as he can. This is his last chance.
Soon enough, Atsuya falls into a slumber and Shirou’s eyelids are getting heavy as well. But he has to tell one last thing before waking up in his lonely bedroom.
“I love you, Atsu”