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It's not a surprise, but that doesn't make it any less earth shattering.
On a regular Tuesday in the last weeks of Winter, Buck receives a letter in the mail, postmarked to one Mister Evan Buckley from Mister Edmundo Diaz and...her.
They're getting married.
Buck's heart is beating a thousand beats per minute, and he thinks...this is how I'm going to die. Of a broken heart.
++
He doesn't die (unfortunately). The next morning he gets up, gets dressed, and goes about his life as normal.
The stares go ignored, the questions only half answered, and things return to some sense of normalcy.
He holds on too long: That's something he learned from Abby all those years ago, and he'll be damned if he does the same thing this time around.
It's different this time, his mind reminds him.
Stupid, stupid mind.
Shut up, he snaps back. No one asked you.
++
Everything goes smoothly until the day of the wedding.
The 133 is doing a 48 to cover the 118 while they're all in El Paso, and everyone was on the same flight there. Except Buck, who had been in El Paso for a few days already.
The days prepping for the wedding have going at an agonizing pace. Buck feels like he's holding onto a bull, and he's trying not to be knocked off the saddle.
At the rehearsal lunch, he barely eats a bite, and he spends most of the night talking to Christopher (he savors the time he has left).
Then, it's the day and...well... Eddie is absently stroking his throat in the mirror, staring into his own soul. His tie needs to be adjusted. His collar is too loose.
Bobby watches him from the futon, and Chimney looks to Hen silently doing rock, paper, scissors to see who is going up to him. Christopher sits sprawled on the love seat, playing a video game.
"So...uh..Eddie," Chimney approaches the groom, going for nonchalance (that'll help). "We...uh...we have to tell ya something."
Eddie freezes, and then his eyes move to meet Chimney's in the mirror. He knows what the man is going to say before it comes out of his mouth.
"We...uh...we can't get ahold of Buck. His location's off, and he's not answering any calls or texts."
++
12 Hours Earlier
The bachelor party is in full swing.
"Bachelor" party is used loosely, since everyone brought their partners, but hey it's a destination wedding on a shortened timeframe. What else would they expect?
Buck's choice of bar, as always, is spot on, and everyone is having a blast. Athena and Bobby made an appearance and then disappeared earlier on in the evening. Hen and Karen are making out against a wall near the back of the club, Chimney is dancing with Maddie on the dance floor, and Buck and Eddie are doing shots at the bar.
Eddie is wearing a sash that says "Groom to Be" and a festive hat. The attire for the night is retro dance party, since their last first was a disaster (at least Chimney is still here thank God), and they're both sweaty and covered in glitter. Buck is three sheets to the wind and leaning on Eddie as the alcohol sloshes out of his cup.
"Mannnn, can you beLIEVE! In just....HOURS...you're gonna be MARRRRRRRIEDDD !!! AGAIN!!"
Eddie hasn't drank nearly as much, and he brings a hand up to rub the space between Buck's shoulders.
"Yeah..." he agrees, staring at Buck's profile. "Do you think it's...too soon?"
Buck freezes and looks over to his friend, their eyes meeting, and if Eddie hasn't seen Buck put away at least a bottle worth of tequila he would say Buck is sober as a judge.
"Don't do this, Eds," Buck pleads, almost too quiet to hear.
Eddie's brow furrows, and he leans towards Buck, who rears back as if he's about to be hit. He stumbles into a standing position, and they just stare at each other for a long moment, not sure what just happened.
Then, Buck puts on the theatrics, and a grin appears on his face. He lets out a forced laugh and says, "I need some air. Be right back."
Then he basically runs out of the bar, and Eddie's eyes follow him. He gets up after a minute and follows.
Buck's throwing up in an alley when Eddie finds him. He stands away, watching the man wretch, and when he stops Eddie calls out to him.
"Ya wanna get out of here?"
Buck casts a glance over his shoulder, silently considering Eddie.
"Getcha some water. Some Tylenol?"
++
Now
"I need to talk to her," Eddie states.
Later, when this story is told, his friends will say they knew the wedding was off before anyone stepped in El Paso. ("The vibes were off," Chimney says, and Hen agrees. "It didn't feel real, even though we were all standing there.") Before he said anything. Before anything was announced.
They clear the room and just a few short minutes later, there's a soft knock on the door.
Eddie takes a deep breath, gripping the lapels of his coat, and then walks over to the door. When he opens it, he says, "Hey."
++
10 Hours Earlier
Buck's hotel room is extravagant, to say the least. He has spent probably 90% of Eddie's engagement under the influence of something - alcohol, marijuana, sativa. Nothing too hard (he's not an addict), but he has been careful to maintain his composure and be there for his best friend, despite sending the love of his freaking life off to get married. And in another state!
So anyway he was drunk and a little high when he ordered his hotel room. It's got a whole seating area with a couch, and there's a little kitchenette. The shower is HUGE, and the bedroom is separated from the rest of the area. Overall, it was a hugely irresponsible purchase, but at the moment it's elevating the...experience.
There's clothing leading in a trail to the bedroom, where, for lack of a better term, Buck is getting absolutely railed by Eddie.
If he was of clearer mind, he probably would have pushed for a more in depth conversation, but their main form of communication right now is grunting. Short grunt means no, long grunt means yes. Every other sound is just...pleasure.
After Eddie blew Buck up against the door, Buck's legs felt like absolute jelly, so Eddie carried him over to the couch, where they made out for several minutes.
Then it all started again, and eventually they got here. Buck lets out a surprised scream, as he loses his balance in the bed, but he catches his fall with his hands. He's basically in a push up off the bed, and Eddie only pauses a moment to adjust before he continues to pound. Buck's eyes roll back into his head.
++
The next morning (sunrise)
Buck is watching Eddie sleep as they're facing each other on the bed. Eddie's arm is slung over Buck's hip. His hair is in complete disarray, and he looks like he's been in a brawl with all the hickeys up his throat and down his torso.
There's liquid heat rolling in Buck's gut, and he pushes the thought away.
He rolls onto his back, and stares up at the ceiling blankly.
Why would the universe do this to him? Why would it allow him this?
Eddie stops snoring for a moment, and Buck looks to him. Eddie smacks his lips and rubs his nose, and then goes back to snoring.
Buck smiles wistfully and then sits up. Time to get dressed.
++
Now (again)
"And you were just going to...go through with it?" she asks, incredulous.
Eddie's face is red up to his ears. "I'm sorry," is all he says.
But what he wants to say is: I wasn't exactly thinking this morning when I left Buck's hotel room. He was just...gone. No note, no nothing. As if nothing had ever happened.
But the evidence was there, all over his body and in his heart and in his mind.
He grimaces, the evidence. Of his infidelity.
Why is he like this? He cheated on Marisol too. Is he a cheater? If he runs after Buck, will it even be worth it, if he's just going to hurt him again?
"I think I knew," she blurts out, and it's like a sense of peace washes over her after she says it. "You guys are so close. I am...not surprised, but this is sort of earth shattering. Feels like it came out of nowhere and everywhere at the same time."
Eddie scratches his head.
++
Buck has been sitting in the loft of the 118 for maybe 15 minutes when someone clears his throat right behind him.
He knows who it is before he turns around, but there he is. In all his glory.
"Bobby," Buck greets him, looking and feeling smaller than he's ever been.
Bobby comes to sit next to him on the couch and pats him on the shoulder.
"Tell me what's up, kid."
++
When Buck finally makes it to his apartment, just after midnight, he's not even surprised that someone's there.
All the lights are on, there's a pleasant aroma coming from the kitchen, and he can hear the shower going. He places his wallet and keys (the only things he took with him when he left El Paso) and places them in the dish by the door.
Then, he kicks off his shoes and walks into the kitchen, taking a peak in the oven to see what smells so good. Lasagna.
"It's Stouffer's," Eddie says, making Buck jump.
He spins around to see Eddie, damp head to toe and clad only in a towel. Buck says nothing, just stares.
"Bobby was...he knew where you were - or, or, or he thought he did. So I came here, so you'd have something to eat because you barely ate...last night."
He looks down at his feet, guilty. "He texted me when you left the station. Thought I had at least 10 more minutes."
Buck's throat feels dry when he pipes up, "No traffic."
Eddie hums, "Of course."
"For once," Buck agrees.
They stand in silence.
Buck traces a droplet of water, as it travels down Eddie's bruised torso, until it stops at the towel-
"You left," Eddie declares. He looks absolutely wrecked, and Buck feels bad about that. "You didn't give me a chance to...to say anything. Not an...an apology, not a-"
"Apology?" Buck repeats, squinting at Eddie. The water works are about to start, and he needs to keep them at bay.
Come on, brain. No tears, no tears!
"I...am the one who...initiated," he says, barely able to get it out. He thinks he might puke again. "You were...taken...i shouldn't have-"
"It takes two," Eddie interrupts him, taking a step forward. "I...I am the one who's sorry. We should've talked before we did anything. I was less drunk than you, and-"
"We were both drunk," Buck corrects him. "Levels of drunkenness...we both knew what...who...we were...doing."
Silence.
"I didn't get married today," Eddie says. "I...I shouldn't have been getting married in the first place." Buck stares at him silently. "I've been in love with you for over 5 years, Buck, but to me .. you've always been...just a dream. This little thought at the back of my head that...gets me to sleep on bad nights or brightens my spirits in the...most awful circumstances. You are...the best addition to my life since Christopher. I'm not...I'm not saying you're above my son, but you both are the most important people in my life. After Shannon died - even before, when we were talking about divorce - you were where my mind went. My day dream. My...guiding light. I just... I never thought this was possible. That you might feel even a little bit of what I feel for you. And I didn't want to ruin what we have. You and me are forever, Buck, and I...don't ever want to lose that. But I'll...on my...on my trip here, in the helicopter... I...I decided I'll be whatever you want me to be, so that we can keep each other. Just friends, friends with benefits, anything. I want you to stay in my life and Chris's."
Buck stares at him for a moment, and then he asks, "A helicopter?"
"That's all you got from that?" Buck lets out a choked laugh, saying, "There's only one guy we know who has access to a helicopter like that."
Eddie blushes and shuffles his feet. "He said to tell you, 'I told you so.'"
Buck's heart clenches at that, but as it releases it's like a weight has lifted off of his chest.
"I'm sorry made another wedding all about me and my big gay crisis."
Eddie eyes him fondly. "I think this one was justified, Buck."
Buck sighs and walks around the kitchen island, until he's up close enough to Eddie to breathe the same air as him.
"I would've been fine being your mistress," he whispers, a breath away from Eddie's lips, "if not for the whole...love of my life thing. I've been sort of...crashing out...since I got the invitation. I want anything you're willing to give me, but I'm hoping for forever. Just you and me...and Chris. I like him better than you anyway."
Eddie chuckles and leans in for a kiss, and Buck smiles into it, thinking, There go my legs again. Turning to jelly.
They kiss for a long moment before they pull away.
"You're not gonna cheat on me are ya?"
Eddie's eyes go wide and his mouth slack.
Buck puts a hand to his mouth and chuckles. "I'm kidding. I'm kidding. The first time was closure. This time was...the love of your life?"
"The love of my life," Eddie speaks into Buck's hand and then places a kiss on his palm. "I love you so much. I want...forever."
Buck drops his hand.
He doesn't necessarily believe in forever - just right here and right now. He believes that people can haunt the narratives of our lives, that we carry them wherever we go. Those who left us, those who broke our hearts.
But then he sees Athena and Bobby, Hen and Karen, Chimney and Maddie. And he thinks, There's no way this will ever end.
And he believes in this. In them. In Buck and Eddie. He believes that what they share is rare and real and, Hell, maybe even forever.
"I like the sound of that," Buck murmurs leaning into kiss Eddie again. "Forever."