Chapter Text
Gunfire. Shouting. The cries of dying men.
Rain poured down hard on the trenches, turning the dirt floor into mud that soaked into soldiers’ boots. Grenades threw earth and shrapnel into the air, making it even harder to see with every explosion. Suppressing fire from machine guns rattled the ground and pierced ears as their bullets pierced men. Bodies slumped against the ground of no mans’ land, their clothes torn from barbed wire and soaked in blood and mire. Down in the trenches, injured and sick soldiers groaned their pain almost quietly in the heat of the fight, bodies fighting an internal battle to stay alive for just a moment longer as the war raged above them.
War, a Hell on earth.
God closed off his omniscient gaze in the direction of Earth. He didn’t want to see.
The garden was peaceful at this time of night. The wind rustled through the leaves of the Tree of Life above him, the gentle white glow of its bark illuminating the center of the garden. God sat below the tree, deep in thought even as he looked away from the Earth. One man’s death had set off a cascade of events, alliances had been called upon so quickly, and within the year it seemed that an entire continent was at war with itself. The horrors of weapons developed with humanity’s newest ingenuity were unbearable, and it was difficult for God to believe that they all were created with the same curiosity that had brought them lights powered with electricity, vehicles faster than horses, and the ability to heat their homes without fire.
He was unsure of how to feel.
Humankind, empowered with free will but far away and with their shifting loyalties, had waged war thousands of times. It was almost intrinsic to the species. Creatures with the intelligence of angels but no orders except from themselves and others- a strange experiment they were all those years ago, and they still were. His hope- his wish- was that they would be inherently kind. And so often he did see kindness, in all the small ways that it came from angels as well. But humans had shown him the great evil lurking beneath free will.
Without him in the picture, would Heaven be at war just as Earth, he wondered? The Lord placed his head in his hands, closing his many eyes.
Humans, for all their kindness, for all their similarities to himself, were flawed. Perhaps therein was the issue- humans were too much like him.
-
Although angels had no physical need for rest, night was a time of quiet and peace for Heaven, and many chose to sleep through it anyways. That left the Garden of Life empty for the Lord to wander. Despite the power he held, the Lord’s physical form was not the most intimidating to those familiar with angels- short and stout, clothed in an ivory robe and a deep blue capelet slung across his left shoulder and pinned with a golden brooch at the right. Trailing behind him as he walked were three pairs of golden wings that dragged across the floor. His face and several smaller wings were well-hidden by the glowing gold light that surrounded His head, though many eyes could be seen opening and closing at will beneath, as well as mouths when the occasion called for them. His halo of hard light, a crescent moon shape with only a small bit cut from the main circle surrounded by two curled shapes, glowed a dim periwinkle blue at the bottom tonight, as did his wings.
Sorrow and guilt came easily to him these days. He used to never feel sorrow- only anger. During the earliest days of humankind’s existence, the Lord had grown angry with his creations. Their penchant for violence, for harming one another, for acts he did not understand, all boiled over into rage and hate that led to the creation of Hell. The Lord had told the angels all those years ago that the sinful humans deserved their damnation, and demanded that they didn’t question his will. The only one brave- or perhaps curious enough- to ask questions was Lucifer.
God went still, looking up at the sky and blinking back tears. Oh, Lucifer. Poor Lucifer, who had approached the Lord while he was still blinded by rage, and questioned why he would do such a thing- damning human souls to eternal suffering with no hope of recompense. Poor Lucifer, who God had screamed at in anguish, casting him down into the deepest pit of Hell. Poor Lucifer, whose name was remembered by all of Heaven with nothing but spite- for the Lord had claimed that the archangel had attempted to defy and overthrow him.
It was only that night, when the Lord had retired to his chambers, he had wept- for the realization came crashing into him that he had chosen to cast out his thirdborn angel rather than admit Hell was a terrible idea, a mistake made in rage. God had dug himself into a hole of lies, and the only way left he saw was down, down, down.
The night air was cold, so cold that His feathers stood on edge. No one else remained in the Garden of Life to see him. The deity looked up at the stars, thinking.
Perhaps Heaven would be better off without him.
“My Lord?”
A voice from behind made God jump, whipping his head around in fright. Behind him on the path was a familiar figure, standing over a foot taller than him but clearly not threatening. The Lord relaxed, breathing out in relief.
“My apologies, my Lord- I did not mean to startle you.”
“It is alright, Gabriel.” The deity turned to fully face the archangel, hoping that no tears were visible upon his face. “What are you doing awake this time of night?”
Gabriel, the Lord’s herald, guard, and right hand, folded his arms behind his back politely, speaking with respect as usual.
“Well, I’ve… had a bit of trouble sleeping, as of late. Nothing terrible, but I thought a walk may clear my head.” Difficulty sleeping? That was unusual for Gabriel. God felt a pang of worry for the angel.
“I see… ah, there’s a gazebo nearby, would you like to sit with me?” the Lord suggested.
Gabriel’s smile was not visible beneath his helmet, but God sensed it all the same. “I would love that.”
The Lord and his herald made their way to one of the gazebos in the Garden of Life, spots for the angels to rest and enjoy nature and shade. It was constructed of white wood and had branches of ivy and flowers running down its posts.
God took his own seat first, followed by Gabriel. “What has you so troubled that it’s affecting your sleep?”
The archangel shifted against the wooden seat of the gazebo, looking down at the floor. “Well… a lot of things. Michael has told me he is worried about the loyalty of Minos, our Judge of Hell. And the war on Earth has caused a great deal of stress, in every part of your world. Both myself and the public worry about the humans down there, and the casualties have already caused a great deal of stress for the ferrymen of Wrath…” Gabriel paused, turning to look out at the garden. “I must admit I am scared for the future, my Lord.”
God’s heart sank in his chest. Seeing the archangel lacking sleep and anxious, made him He had known of the war on Earth, but the issues in Hell…? He hated turning his gaze upon Hell- so much so that he always kept it firmly out of his sights. He hadn’t even known. The Lord looked up at Gabriel, trying to hide his own worry at the news.
“I see. There does certainly seem to be a- a great deal of turmoil, between Heaven, Hell, and Earth,” God muttered. “Your stress is reasonable, when times are so uncertain.”
Gabriel chuckled under his breath. “Thank you for your understanding, my Lord. It feels nice to know that I am not worrying over nothing.”
A comfortable silence fell between the two of them for a moment. The Lord always found these moments calming, the atmosphere between him and his herald peaceful despite both of their fears. Gabriel looked down at the Lord, his wings shifting behind him.
“I am grateful that I so often receive the opportunity to speak with you like this, my Lord,” the angel said, breaking the quiet. “Despite everything that has happened, and all the troubles we are going through… I feel safe. And I truly do have faith that we will make it through this time of strife.”
God bit his lip, a strange feeling settling in his chest. Gabriel’s words were so full of hope- and yet here he had been so utterly dejected before the angel arrived. He hadn’t even known about the issues in Hell, and yet Gabriel’s utter faith in the Lord that things would turn for the better was almost contagious. The guilt writhing in God’s stomach quieted for a moment.
“I… thank you, Gabriel,” the Lord murmured. Gabriel smiled beneath his helmet.
“Of course, my Lord.” Gabriel stood, observing the Lord closely. “You seem tired…”
God laughed softly, standing up alongside him. “I suppose I am. I’ve had a lot to think about today. Perhaps it’s time I went to bed.”
The angel nodded twice. “Thank you once again for listening to me. Your presence calms me greatly, and I feel much better after confessing my fears to you.” Gabriel stepped out of the gazebo, spreading his bright wings. “I will see you tomorrow, my Lord.” With a final short bow, he flapped his wings and took off, flying back into the city.
God stepped out and looked up at the sky, at Gabriel slowly fading into the distance. Wind rustled through the trees, the night air cold as ever, as a realization dawned upon him.
He did not want to disappoint Gabriel.
The Lord swallowed his pride, choking back tears for the second time that night. For the sake of all the angels’ trust in him, he would try once more.