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There were no sounds to accompany him. Fitting, he thought, as he stood alone in front of the unmarked grave with nothing except the breeze. Even that was nothing but a mockery, a rustle through his hair that was as gentle as a lover's touch. It was as if the magics were laughing at him and his misery, standing there with tears in his eyes and his fists clenched.
Fitting. And wrong.
Slowly he sat until the mound was just in front of him, enough for him to reach out and touch the dirt that he'd handled so long ago. It had taken an effort of the likes he'd never felt before nor since, a toll that weighed on his heart, body, mind and soul. No lover should ever have to bury the light of their life with their own two hands, should ever have to feel the already shattered pieces of their heart rattle in their chest with every scoop of the earth that they pulled themselves, should ever have to see the one they cannot live without slowly fade as the hole covered itself once more.
Yet, here he was. And it was so wrong.
The smile on his face was merely a shadow of what it once was, and the silence was broken by the quiet voice that spoke from his lips.
"Hey, T."
Wrong, wrong, wrong, everything about this was wrong.
He shut his eyes and lowered his head, his fingers curling in the dirt, willing for it to become solid, warm and real, living and true and right. But nothing was ever right anymore. Everything was flipped upside down and twisted into something terrible and ugly from the moment it happened. He can still remember it; he wasn't fast enough, he wasn't paying attention, and he'd turned and he'd, Teddy was -
It was all so, so wrong.
When Billy opened his eyes, he wasn't surprised to find them full of tears again. He'd cried much more often after it happened, and he raised his free hand to wipe at them with the heel of his hand. Enough.
"I think I'm going to be in big trouble soon. They figured it out." His voice was still a whisper of a thing, and he lifted his head to study the simple rock, created with his own power, that had adorned the grave he had made. "Well, just Tommy figured it out. He's my sort-of brother; I think I'm more surprised it took him so long."
They'd met in the garden, Billy completely unsuspecting until he saw the look on Tommy's face. He was irritated, and then angry, livid, shoving his chest and pointing accusingly at his face and shouting that this was wrong, wrong, and that he had to stop all of it. There were many other things he had to say to him, all of them true and right, yet Billy had tuned it out. He'd turned his head away and stared down at ground and the grave just beyond it, seeing and unseeing, remembering better times when he and - and Teddy would sit, silent and supportive against shoulders tense with grief.
"He's not speaking to me anymore." A ghost of a smile came across his lips again. "I really can't say I didn't see it coming. All those times we wished he'd just leave us alone, and now... I don't know. I feel like I'm losing everyone - "
Billy cut himself off by clenching his jaw and shutting his eyes again. It had almost shattered, the wrongness of it all. It was always this way; when Billy felt like the world was spinning too fast, Teddy was his anchor, bringing him back down to earth and into the warmth of his arms. With no one to do that now, Billy was free to spin too fast, forgetting the feel of safety beneath his feet and security wrapped comfortably around him. He both longed for it and wished desperately to shove it away.
"I... took everything for granted, I know I did. I've been so... awful to you, Teddy. Back then. I know I said so before, but I just... You're gone, and now Tommy's gone, and I - " He bit his lip against the tightness in his throat, the pain only clearing when he swallowed too thickly. It was only when he was sure that it had disappeared completely that he dared to speak again. "You know I can still remember your voice? Your face? People always say that it all fades with time, but I remember it. Ha... Of course I remember it. I'd be a really bad boyfriend if I forgot anything about you, T."
So wrong. That voice was echoing back at him now, loud and clear despite the wind that howled at him, as if there was another anger unleashed upon him, and the horns that blared from across the street. Selfish. Coward. Running from it all. At least do this for him, for them. At least own up to it.
To what? You know.
Billy nodded to himself, and his voice was once again quiet, as if wanting the body beneath him to be the only one to hear him, despite there being no one in the vicinity. "I've stopped using magic. When you died... I just... I couldn't do it anymore. My powers... hero work. That... That's what got you killed, Teddy. I can't..."
He's still wrong.
Stop being such a damned coward.
He squeezed his eyes shut, and finally, he felt the tears he'd been holding back let loose. They burned hot and wet down his cheeks and dripped into the ground beneath him, and his breaths came in uncontrolled gasps. His fingers clutched into the dirt, as if it were merely cloth covering warm flesh, and it was the only thing keeping him from spinning out of control. He was right. Tommy was right, and he was so very wrong. For stopping. For not stopping. For lying to himself for such a long time. For lying to everyone. For...
For...
"I'm so sorry, Billy." The new voice overtook the old, and bigger hands dug into the earth when his eyes opened again. No longer were they a light brown color or, as Teddy would call them, the color of deep honey. They were now blue. Just blue. And the hair that hung in front of his face was blond, no longer black. It was the body that he'd spent most of his life in, the body he had considered his and his alone, the one he felt like himself in. And it still felt wrong.
"I'm so sorry," Teddy repeated before he took in a gulp of air. "I just... I didn't know what to do. When you... When I lost you, I felt like I lost myself. It was like I died right alongside you. And you - you have so much to live for. You have a family, people who would miss you, a life... What do I have? I don't have any of that.
"You... You're so much better for this world. I don't have anything. That's why I did this... that's why I said that Teddy Altman was gone. You understand, don't you? You probably won't forgive me for any of this, but I - Teddy isn't... I know he - I know I'm right here, but I'm really down there with you. You're the only reason I had to live, Billy."
It was true, and even with the weight of the future on his shoulders and the knowledge that he'd have to face the wrath of so many people, he couldn't find it in himself to care. Like Billy had been after the death of Cassie and Jonas, Teddy could only stare impassively at Tommy's enraged face and not even flinch when he threatened to tell his parents, Dr. Strange and even the Scarlet Witch. He didn't care. In fact, he deserved it. Teddy Altman was a lonely, clingy, worthless excuse for a human being, and he wasn't even that. And without Billy as his anchor, he couldn't care less what happened to him anymore. With Billy gone, the only remnants of him covered in earth and long dried blood, there was nothing else in the world Teddy could find to live for.
"And now, you..."
He'd tried, Teddy had tried so hard to beat it and burn what he'd built up all this time. But the moment he faltered, he knew that it was over. The lies he'd fed himself that he'd shed away for this moment started to leak back into him, and almost without even realizing it, his shoulders thinned, his hair bled to black, and his eyes shifted to brown. It was wrong. And yet, in the time that he'd spent without Billy in his life, it was the only right thing he'd come to know.
"No," he muttered in his true voice now, "You're not down there. You're... I'm not the one down there. I'm still living up here. I'm... not doing that great of a job without you here with me, T, that's for sure. Who else is supposed to look after me? It's gonna be even worse now that Tommy's not talking to me anymore."
He chuckled, even as the voice hissed in his memories again. For God's sake, the words were shouted right to his face at the time, at least show them where the body is!
Billy shook his head to himself, and he sat back on his knees, but not before leaning his weight on his hands and pressing his lips to the mound of earth before him, one, two last tears trailing down his face. They were not just for the love of his life whom he'd lost. They were for two lives who were destroyed in a single instant.
"I'll always keep you with me." He stood, eyes dry for the first time since he set foot onto this sacred piece of land, and turned away to return to his life, all right and wrong but the only thing he really had anymore. "That's your true power, T."