Chapter Text
As quiet as I possibly could, I closed the door behind me and sneakily made my way to my desk.
"You're late! Again."
The door to Mr Stevens office swung open violently.
"I know Stevens im really sorry, I swear. The bus blew a tire on the way here and I - "
"No."
Mr Stevens interrupted. "No more excuses, I'll see you in my office at the end of the day."
He slammed the door shut and I sighed. Maybe being let go wouldn't be so bad. I hate this job.
I put my bag down and threw my jacket over the back of the desk chair, logging in to the computer while still standing; the harsh bright screen burned my eyes.
"SYSTEM UPDATE AVAILABLE" i used that as an excuse to grab a snack and drink while the computer updated.
My crisps got stuck in the vending machine. I sighed again and pressed my face against the cool glass as if I could make the stupid bag drop just by staring at it.
"Bus blew a tire huh?"
As if this terrible morning could not get any worse, Eric walks into the breakroom with that stupid condescending smile plastered across his face.
I didn't answer. Just gave up on getting my crisps and went to pour some water in my company issued "Joja Co." bottle.
"I mean if you're gonna be late, at least have a decent excuse."
I screwed the cap on the bottle and went to walk back to my desk, but was blocked by Eric who was determined to make me talk about my tardiness this morning as if he was some kind of shift supervisor.
He was not, just a dick.
"Sorry, haha. You know I'm just kidding? God you're so uptight."
I was not in the mood for his stupid small talk.
"You know..." He took a sip of his coffee and continued while I desperately tried to find a way to sneak past him. "If you would just smile a bit more often, I bet people would think you're a bit more approachable."
I felt my blood starting to boil. I looked up and was about to start cursing him out. I was going to tell him that if he just shaved his mustache, then maybe people would not think that he looked like a sex offender or that if he fixed his receding hairline, then maybe people would not think that he was ten years older than he actually was.
But I did not say any of that. Instead I just said "Excuse me."
Pushed past him, back to my desk. 96% UPDATED the screen said I leaned back in my chair and looked up at the ceiling tiles.
The AC was buzzing and I could hear my co-workers clattering on their keyboards, mouse clicking frantically and the occasional "im sorry to hear that sir/ma'm, could you please describe why our product was less than satisfactory bla bla bla etc" From the customer service department.
My heart feels sunken in. I used to have dreams, aspirations. I had friends and above all I was a happy, kind person.
Before the depression (mostly caused by my work situation) had consumed me and my life completely, my girlfriend used to say
“Some day we will get out of this town and leave all of this behind, you can do whatever you want. Whatever you want."
And that is just what she did. She got out. At first I was angry, then sad but now I get it, I can’t blame her.
We stopped having adventures together, stopped having meals together, stopped having sex because I was never in the mood or just too tired.
She let me stay in her apartment for a while. On the couch. The shit salary did not help when trying to find somewhere else to live but at least she was understanding.
I'm happy she has found her place in the world. People find their place and then they stay there. I guess I did that too in a way.
Safe, predictable. But why did I choose a place that makes me so miserable?
Because I am a fucking coward.
-
At the end of the day I had almost forgotten about the meeting I had to have with Mr Stevens. I had been so busy just imagining myself being anywhere but here. It was no use trying to avoid it so I knocked on his door and stepped in.
I sat down across from him with his giant desk in between us. The gray walls making the office look dark and gloomy. How could anyone work like this? No wonder he is so grumpy all the time.
Pictures of Joja’s “most valuable employees” and corporate team decorated the wall behind Stevens framing the insanely ironic slogan “JOIN US, THRIVE.”
"You've been with us at Joja for almost 4 years now. Isn't that right?"
"Yes?"
I wondered where Mr Stevens was going with this, was he actually going to fire me? I felt a flicker of hope in my chest that made my face want to crack up into a smile.
Stevens' piercing look narrowed.
" ‘Something funny about this, huh?”
“No sir.”
I answered and looked down at my feet.
Stevens sighed. “Look, you're bright. You got potential. When you're not late with some bullshit excuse, your performance is actually quite good.”
I stayed silent, waiting for him to get to the point.
“But…”
Here it comes. I looked up at him, not wanting to look too pathetic.
“You're too good for this job.”
What the hell? What does that even mean? Was this some tactic he used to try to make me less upset about being fired?
“I mean it kid, you're still young. You've got your whole life ahead of you.”
Stevens took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.
“This place… it breaks people. It makes them think that this is it and all there is. Believe me I know. I walk through these cubicles five days a week and every time I pass your desk I can see that your mind is somewhere else.”
Stevens almost looked teary eyed as he slumped down in his chair.
“I'm not firing you.”
Relief and terrible disappointment swept through me all at the same time making me feel sick to my stomach.
“Thank you.”
I said quietly.
“Please. Don't thank me.”
As I stood up to leave and probably cry on my way home, Stevens softly called out
“There is magic in this world and it sure as shit ain't here. Go find it. Be happy.”
His words echoed as I went back to my desk to grab my jacket.
Go find it.
Be happy.
Go.
Find it.
Who am I kidding, I'll work here until I'm dead.
As I pulled my jacket from the chair it snagged on the handle of the desk drawer, pulling it out, spilling all of its contents on the floor.
It forced me out of my dissociative state, making me disproportionately angry, having to take it all out on something, anything.
Pawing through all the old documents and gum wrapper I sobbed. I hated that I always cried when I got angry or frustrated, it made me look so weak.
I frantically wiped my tears and runny nose on my sleeve as I stuffed crumpled invoices wrappers in the bin.
And I almost missed it.
How different might everything have been if I had missed it.
Lying partially hidden in the clutter was an envelope. The paper had a different shade than the others, it almost glowed in contrast.
I picked it up gently. Letting my fingers trace the purple wax seal.
“Grandpa…”
I had completely forgotten about his letter. Memories that had been tucked away for a long time started filling my mind. Seeping into all the emptiness, crushing its exterior, holding on to me tightly.
Even when he got sick he was always smiling. Happy, kind, loving. Brave. He was never scared, not even when he knew he was dying.
He always said that he had an eventful youth that made him into the man he was. All of the stories he used to tell me when I was young, his eyes lighting up like fire made me almost believe it all. Magic places with tiny creatures that live in the forest, tropical Islands with volcanoes, caves filled with monsters,
That is how I got this scar, scaly bastards.
I snapped back to where I was, holding the envelope tightly, wrinkling the edges as I did when he handed it to me.
…and for my very special granddaughter.
I want you to have this sealed envelope.
No, no don't open it yet… have patience.
Now listen close… There will come a day when you feel crushed by the burden of modern life…
…and your bright spirit will fade before a growing emptiness.
When that happens, my girl, you'll be ready for this gift.
Now, let grandpa rest…
He passed later that night.
The tears running down my cheeks fell softly, small droplets stained the envelope. With shaky but careful hands I broke the seal and read grandpa's letter.
My dear granddaughter, If you're reading this, you must be in dire need of change.
The same thing happened to me, long ago. I'd lost sight of what mattered most in life…
Real connections with other people and nature. So I dropped everything and moved to the place I truly belong. I’ve enclosed the deed to that place…
my pride and joy: my farm.
It's located in Stardew Valley, on the southern coast. It's the perfect place to start your new life.
This was my most precious gift of all, and now it's yours. I know you'll honor the family name, my girl.
Good luck.
Love, Grandpa