Chapter Text
April 14 || Monday 07:00 AM
Releasing a heavy sigh, Mizuki stares at their reflection in the mirror.
Alright.
It’s not so bad. They're just glad they don't feel the urge to smash the mirror. That monstrous image they see from time to time is thankfully nowhere to be seen. For now.
A sigh of relief.
Starting HRT at the age of 20, they didn’t have the highest expectations after suffering the shitty effects of testosterone puberty in all its fucking glory.
Nevertheless, they still consider themselves somewhat lucky. Or is it merely copium? Or maybe there’s a random deity out there who pitied them? Because it seems 6 months of HRT, in addition to several laser hair removal sessions, have surprisingly come a long way in… "fixing them." Not fully, of course. That’ll never happen. But glaring at the mirror, their facial features look to have softened. It’s no longer as angular as they remembered, and it looks more rounded. Hard to tell for sure. It’s a little challenging to be objective about these sorts of things. It could all be a placebo effect, especially early on the transition timeline.
Or maybe they can thank the genetics lottery too for giving them the “you look like your mom and sister” perk. And HRT is simply enhancing the resemblance.
“Why the heck didn’t I do this much sooner?!”
They ask a frustrating question they had pondered for the nth time.
Have they been complacent? All because they believed they were cute and could easily cis-pass in their younger days before puberty reared its ugly head? And while it was turning their body into something detestable, had they simply chosen to delude themselves into denial because they couldn’t accept that reality? Like, did they seriously fucking believe that their body would forever remain a twink, and not turn into... a man's body even when they desperately avoided the gym like it was the plague?! That they could always wear those cute and pretty clothes they’ve always wanted to wear in high school (but ultimately, and begrudgingly didn’t, because they’re a lousy coward)? And how long before their hair started to thin and fall off? Has HRT spared them from that dreadful fate?
Either way, it’s too late for regrets now.
Besides, they doubt they’d have the courage to be themselves anyway.
They know from experience...
Right. Those painful memories.
Those elementary school days, right before middle school.
A long time ago. Yet, memories of those terrible days remain vivid.
Once upon a time, with their sister’s assistance and support, Mizuki dressed the cutest and the prettiest. They still remembered their euphoria upon seeing their reflection in the mirror. It was the happiest and most content they’ve ever been. A rarity in this sorry life they’ve been handed. They felt so pretty, believing they looked indistinguishable from a “real girl.” But somehow, they were still clocked. And in turn, that euphoria was shattered by contempt and ridicule.
“That's weird.”
"Uhm. Why is that boy dressed like that?"
"Is this some sort of cosplay? Or playing a character?"
"He must be seeking attention."
“Pervert.”
And those eyes. Those fucking eyes.
Their classmates. Their classmates' parents. Their teachers.
Those fucking eyes were everywhere, following their every move.
Those hateful eyes... perceiving and judging.
A fucking creepy weirdo.
Recalling those awful memories, they feel a painful pang in their chest, and they have to catch their breath.
Since those days, they suppressed and drowned out their “true self” – their heart – opting to try to meet the expectations of “how they’re supposed to be.”
They entered middle school and high school with that mindset. All the while, their heart continue to wither.
To be… just a guy.
“Because I’m a guy.”
That’s how everyone perceives them anyway.
Born male. Seen as male. What's there to argue about?
“Follow the rules and don’t cause trouble for others.”
Be normal.
“Heh.”
And look where that had gotten them.
A hollow husk with no sense of self. No desire and hope for the future. Static. Stuck in time. Regretting a life that's never to be. A sad, pitiful soul trapped in the wrong body. A mind unbefitting a man's body, unfit to fulfill his societal expectations and role. Just wasting their days away and waiting for the day their life mercifully ends.
Maybe in another life, they’d be luckier. And they didn't have to suffer from an endless torrent of self-loathing, societal hatred, and dysphoria.
Before medical intervention, 21 years old was "the target" age when they would... disappear from the world. If they felt they weren't ready yet and had some regrets, maybe they'd push it back to 24 years. Spend a few more happy years with their family. Maybe travel the world or something. 25 was the most they could handle in this horrid world.
Fortunately, HRT truly is a life-saving medicine.
They push the idea of disappearing aside.
Hopefully, it stays that way.
At heart, they remain a frightened child fearful of ever leaving their shell.
"Don't get involved too closely with other people. It'll be troublesome..."
Mizuki shut their eyes before they could spiral further.
They shake their head defiantly.
“Oh, no, no, no. We’re not going to do this crap again! I TOLD myself I'm going to be more positive!”
Look.
They’ve FINALLY taken steps to be themselves again after denying and suppressing it for a long time.
It all started with a simple “Oh, maybe I’d look cute again if I could get rid of this stupid facial hair?”
And it didn’t take long before they threw a huge portion of their savings from part-time jobs to get laser hair removal done. They weren’t even thinking when they signed that contract. That was something they wanted. Zero regrets.
Then, they started HRT. On 6 months now. And they’ve been content with the changes so far. Zero regrets.
They started buying clothes and slowly overhauling their wardrobe again. For now, they settled for more of a fem-leaning unisex, genderless, or nonbinary appearance. Eventually, they hope to move on to more hyper-femme clothes again, especially later on with HRT. That also took a major hit on their savings. Zero regrets.
That's not to mention the amount of makeup they bought impulsively, wanting to experiment with various looks and buy clothing materials to revive their passion for knitting clothes again.
And plus, they have the support of their family, particularly their sister. As far as family goes, what more could they ask for?
They’ve also come out as trans to their best friend, Rui Kamishiro, whom they met as a fellow outcast back in middle school, and he accepts and embraces Mizuki for who they are.
Rui aside, Mizuki met a pair of cool dudebros, Akito and Toya, in high school. They aren’t the closest, but they're among the few people Mizuki interacted with throughout high school. They like to think they’ll accept them as well.
And An Shiraishi… Mizuki generally goes out of their way to avoid interaction with cis women, especially due to the triggering of their gender dysphoria, gender envy, and internalized transphobia. However, with time, they slowly became comfortable around An’s presence and became close friends. And well, Mizuki is almost certain she’d accept them too… if only Mizuki had been a little more courageous and wasn’t discouraged by reading horror stories from other trans people online who came out to their cis female friends and were left surprised… in a very negative way.
In any case, staring at their reflection in the mirror again, they have to admit they’ve regained some cuteness. They feel less hatred towards themselves, for sure. Worst-case scenario, they’re perceived as a cute, feminine-looking guy. It won’t get rid of the dysphoria, sure, but maybe they can find a way to live with that, albeit with a bit of spite.
Anyway, it’s not like they're desperate for cis passing as they used to in the past.
At this point, they just want to feel human again. To be treated normally by others.
To live.
“Okay, Mizuki,” they compose themselves.
They give themselves one final look.
Their hair is close to reaching their shoulders. The side lengths cover their jawline. Good. They intend to let it grow.
They covered the male Academy uniform with a white vest. Then, they topped it off with a lilac cardigan.
They’d rather wear shorts, as they're not ready for skirts again, but it seems they can’t do anything with the slacks anyway… which undeniably designates them as a male student in the SEKAI Magic Academy. Not unless they want to break the strict dress code and get kicked out embarrassingly before the Academy term can even begin.
For now, this is the best they can manage.
Their reflection glares back with determined eyes.
“Who cares? It's a stupid uniform. I can live through this.”
April 14 || Monday 08:30 AM
“Please… be kind to yourself, Mizuki.”
Their sister's words slowly awaken them from slumber.
The PA announces the train will arrive at the SEKAI Magic Academy grounds shortly.
They glance outside the window, seeing the outline of the Magic Academy from a distance. It's a network of interconnected buildings. Like a modern-day castle.
It’s raining, too. Great. Is this an ominous sign of what's to come?
The SEKAI Magic Academy.
From what they know, mostly based on the news and HISSer (the infamous social media app owned by Musky Melon), the Academy isn't exactly known for its progressive values. It's a higher education institution for the magically gifted.
In this world, the magically gifted are a rare group of people who develop elemental or supernatural abilities after they turn 18. Overall, they only make up roughly 5% of the population.
For Mizuki, they were 19 when they were diagnosed as magically gifted.
Their abilities? They can make things fly and move around. They'd like to think of it as telekinesis, but it's not as cool and powerful as they make it out to be in movies. For one, they have to touch the object before they can control it, and they can only maintain their focus with a few objects. Sadly, they can't make all the heavy objects around the area move according to their will, and make them violently spin around them like a whirlwind. It would've gone a long way to keep people out and shield them from this shitty world.
Oh, they can teleport too. A special ability. The perfect ability to keep a distance from others. They didn't list that ability in their official documents and kept it a secret.
If you ask Mizuki, the government probably wants to keep an eye on those with literal powers. Yeah, sure. They'll be taught how to properly and safely use their abilities in the magic academy, along with a high-level education, but that's not the true purpose. It's to 'educate' them with nationalistic propaganda and make them loyal to the state so they won't use their powers against it. Many Academy graduates do go on to join the special magic force in the nation's armed forces and become "heroes" for the nation.
As for the magically gifted living outside the political, military, and education system? There are rumors they're under surveillance.
"Why did I accept the damn invitation again?"
They hadn't intended to pursue higher-level education until that letter arrived in the Akiyama residence mail.
As unbelievable as it is, they were personally invited by Hatsune Miku of all people, a top-tier magic user and a famous worldwide celebrity. Yes, the sort of person that makes everyone go "OMG IT'S HATSUNE MIKU!!!"
Apparently, Miku will be a member of the Academy's administration starting this term.
How could they say "no" to THE Hatsune Miku?
And, well.
Maybe Mizuki still has that childish longing.
Longing and regrets for the childhood and high school experience they were robbed of...
Making friends. Going to classes. Going on excursions on the weekends. Attending events. Eating together in restaurants. Dressing up how they want to. Maybe falling in love... as their... no, as her true authentic self.
Mizuki sighs, feeling silly.
Is it still possible?
It's certainly harder now.
Just look at the uniform they're wearing...
And they're still largely closeted and terrified of coming out.
Will they be able to come out of their shell at all?
Mizuki smiles sadly, remembering their sister’s words and her warm embrace.
"Be kind to yourself, Mizuki."
“I hope I can somehow enjoy life again, sis.”
Exiting the train, Mizuki takes out an umbrella. They’re about to make the trek to the Academy grounds when they see a silver-haired girl looking hopeless at the edge of the station. She stretches out an arm and feels the rain in her hand.
“Eugh…” The girl groaned.
Mizuki gulps, considering.
Normally, they’d rather avoid cis women unless necessary… but they didn't have it in them to leave the poor girl stranded in the heavy rain.
“Trying to take advantage of that delicate-looking girl, you perv? Look at how much smaller and shorter she is than you. Leave her alone,” they imagine a TERF would probably say.
Fuck.
Mizuki shakes their head, trying to dispel their chronically online and doom-scrolling endeavors from further warping their mind.
Mizuki takes a deep breath and hesitantly approaches the silver-haired girl.
“Uhm, hello,” they greeted with the softest voice they could muster.
Upon closer look, the demons are already being triggered. Silky and elegant silver hair that reached her knees. Graceful. Delicate. Undeniably feminine.
Effortlessly, too. The girl is wearing a silly blue tracksuit over the women’s Academy uniform, for fuck’s sake. The sort of girl who doesn’t give a damn about her appearance. And she’s still… all of that. She’s still everything Mizuki could never hope to be.
Mizuki begins to think that approaching the girl is a mistake.
How does this usually go again?
The girl will probably look at them with distaste. She’ll accuse them of having ulterior motives. A creep. A perv.
Mizuki feels the slight quivering of their body, anxiety seeping in.
Okay. Just get over this.
“Uh, you can have this umbrella if you want.” Their voice trembles as they speak.
Did their voice come out properly? Is it soft enough? Or did it sound deep and intimidating?
“Haha. I can hardly have a normal conversation anymore. That's great...”
The silver-haired girl turns to her. Her gleaming blue eyes stare at her curiously. If she notices their nervousness, she ignores it and gives Mizuki a friendly half-smile.
“U-Uhm… but wouldn’t you also need the umbrella?”
“O-Oh, that’s okay!” Mizuki quickly replies. “I-I’m used to walking in the rain. No biggie.”
The girl ponders for a moment. “Hehe,” she chuckles lightly. “If you insist on kindness, we can share the umbrella and walk together. Wouldn’t that be a simpler solution for both of us?”
“H-Huh?” Mizuki is a little dumbfounded.
“Hm? O-Oh," the girl gasps like she realized something scandalous. "Is it because you’re worried about us being seen together, and how it can cause misunderstandings? I appreciate your consideration, but I don’t care about that sort of thing. I find it stupid, to be honest. Anyway, more importantly, you shouldn’t try to walk through the rain. You can get sick. I… I know well from experience. Ha…”
Oh.
“She’s basically saying that cliché about a man and woman being seen together or whatever.”
Mizuki’s stature deflates.
They look down at the ground, sighing and watching the raindrops.
It’s not like they can blame the girl. It's too selfish and unfair. The girl doesn’t know anything about them. And well, they’re literally wearing the Academy uniform for the guys. They are, officially speaking, designated as a male student.
It’s a brutal reminder of the rigid gendered norms imposed by the Academy.
“Uhm… d-did I say something to upset you?” The girl asks with genuine concern, noticing the sudden shift in Mizuki’s demeanor. “I’m sorry.”
“N-no, no, no!” Mizuki quickly denies any wrongdoing on the girl’s part, waving their hands frantically. “Sorry, I was just thinking! Anyway, I agree it’s best we share the umbrella if you’re okay with me!”
“Hm,” the girl nods, forcing a smile. She isn’t convinced and remains concerned about possibly hurting them. However, she doesn't press the issue.
“You’re… a very kind person.” The girl says as they walk together in the rain, shielded by a shared umbrella.
The girl pouts, feeling a little guilty when she notices Mizuki is intentionally pushing the umbrella more to her side, letting the rain fall on Mizuki’s right side.
“But you should also be kind to yourself,” the girl continues, surprising Mizuki by how it mirrors their sister’s words.
With a smile that’s a little mischievous, the girl retaliates by pushing the umbrella more to Mizuki’s side. Likewise, allowing rain to fall on her left side.
“Girl, how the heck can you shamelessly say something like that while doing the same thing?” Mizuki couldn’t suppress a grin, laughing a little.
The remaining trek to the Academy becomes a battle of pushing the umbrella around.
Unable to help it, Mizuki teases the girl by using their ability, making the umbrella go higher and out of her reach. They tilt it to her side to give the girl more cover.
"That's your ability, huh? Not fair." The girl complains.
In the end, both wind up partially soaked.
They share a hearty laugh over it.
When they arrive at the entrance, the two are greeted by a girl who appears to be the silver-haired girl's friend. She's a taller woman with chestnut-colored hair neatly tied in a ponytail.
Mizuki takes the opportunity to separate from the two and blend in with the crowd of students beginning to fill and loiter around the entrance.
They watch as the silver-haired girl, “Ms. Yoisaki,” the other girl had called her, scans the crowd to look for them. She frowns when she fails to find Mizuki.
Mizuki sighs under their breath, disappointed in themselves.
“… what am I doing? Maybe that could’ve been a chance to make new friends. And I ended up running away… again.”
And because of what? Because of their discomfort around cis women? Because of the crap they’d seen on the internet from TERFS and transphobes?
Well.
If they’re to truly move forward with their life and take a major step, they know they need to stop letting these insecurities get in their way. They had been so determined to start over, and finally “live the life that she wanted” when they left the safety of their home. It's pathetic how they're already stumbling on the first day.
They clench their fists in frustration, biting their lips to prevent their eyes from watering.
Mizuki sighs again. Takes a deep breath. Tries to drive the bad thoughts away. And think of something more positive.
"It's okay. It's okay. Take it easy. Little steps, Mizuki. Little steps."
It was only brief, but Mizuki… had smiled. And laughed. Genuinely. All the while getting slightly soaked in the rain with the silver-haired girl.
Yeah. It's a little silly and childish, but Mizuki feels genuine happiness.
It's evident that “Ms. Yoisaki” is a very kind and nice person. The kind of person Mizuki wants to be friends with.
It's just... it's their anxiety around cis women rearing its ugly head again.
To someone like Mizuki, rejection and scorn by other women hurt far more than men. The cruel and mocking words said to them by girls, back in their elementary and middle school days, have always carried far more sting.
They know it'll be a challenge to overcome that fear, and it'll be easier to avoid it altogether.
But despite that, they truly do hope they'll get a chance to talk with "Ms. Yoisaki" again and become friends with her.
Mizuki soon notices a shift in the crowd and atmosphere. Murmurs and chatters began. Most students’ attention is being directed towards a few individuals.
Walking cautiously, Mizuki tries to see what the fuss is all about.
And then…
They see her.
A familiar face.
Ena Shinonome.
Ena is a micro-celebrity famous on social media.
In their early high school days, Mizuki remembers Ena’s humble beginning as an internet artist who created original and fan art. Ena only had a few thousand followers on HISSer, and Mizuki was one of them. Mizuki was a big fan of her works, having practically favorited and reHISSed most of her works. However, over time, the amount of artwork uploaded by Ena decreased, while the number of selfies increased. The follower count blew up as expected, but Mizuki was a little sad when Ena stopped doing artwork altogether one day, choosing to focus more on selfies and being a social media star. At some point, she started doing song covers, which became popular too. She has a powerful but sweet voice.
Not that Ena can be blamed. She’s pretty. Enviously so. She has a great sense of fashion, too.
And so, she’s another person Mizuki could never hope to be… and someone they could only admire from a safe distance.
Nowadays, Ena has started getting more into politics. No surprise. It seems to be what everyone’s up to on that shitty snek hell site. She started being involved in radfem spaces and politics, becoming notorious for her "I HATE MEN" spiel and rants.
And well... rumors began to circulate among the trans community of her being a TERF.
Of course, it could all be BS, and Mizuki badly wanted to believe they were BS.
But the mere idea of a person they once admired being… that? They can’t handle it. So, to spare themselves from potential hurt and disappointment, they unfollowed and blocked Ena on HISSer, preferring not to dwell and suffer a massive brain rot over their maaaaybe former internet crush hating the simple fact that they exist.
Anyway, Mizuki is a little surprised to see someone like Ena in the Academy. They didn't know she's also magically gifted.
Also…
Has Mizuki been staring too much?
... because Ena shortly meets their gaze.
Their gazes locked on each other for a moment; Ena’s intense glare against Mizuki’s nervous stare.
Mizuki immediately averts their gaze, slipping into the crowd to hide from Ena’s sight.
They take a deep breath.
In contrast to “Ms. Yoisaki,” Ena is actually the type of person Mizuki NEEDS TO AVOID.
Ena is soon joined by two famous idols and her good friends, Airi Momoi and Shizuku Hinomori.
Then, another famous special student enters their space and greets the three friends with a friendly smile: Mafuyu Asahina.
Mizuki has heard so much about Mafuyu. She's an insanely talented girl who’s the top student among all new students. People speak of her like she's the most perfect girl in existence. Brains, beauty, athleticism, charisma, magical talent, and overall talent in general. She has it all. Apparently, she can put many guys to shame in physical combat, too.
Geez. That's fantastic and all, but Mizuki wonders if all those expectations will ultimately be too much to handle. Regardless, maybe the purple-haired ace has it all under control beneath her charismatic smile.
"Ah. But that smile doesn't seem to reach her eyes?" Mizuki ponders, curious. "There's something about her... that's not right? Dunno."
Meanwhile, Airi and Shizuku return Mafuyu's friendly greeting, while Ena… crosses her arms and scoffs in disgust upon seeing Mafuyu.
"But who cares? That's none of my business."
“Greetings, princess.”
Mizuki hears a familiar voice, lighting up their world.
“Rui!” They grin and hop into his welcoming arms. “Dude, how are you? Damn, it’s been a while, huh?” They playfully hit his shoulders. “And sheesh. Don’t call me that. Not here.”
Rui gives his trademark :3 smirk. “Well, I’m not the one who disappeared in their abode for... an undisclosed amount of time.”
“Ugh, good point.”
“Hmm. How are you, Mizuki?”
Rui's expression suddenly turns solemn.
“I… apologize for this indignity, princess. I wish… I could be of assistance.”
“Oh,” Mizuki glances at the male uniform they're wearing. “It’s okay.” They force a smile. “I’ll get used to it. Somehow. I mean, I don’t intend on getting expelled, you know? I mean, yeah, I'm probably still going to skip classes when I need to... recuperate... but getting expelled? No way. Haha. And especially not because of these damn uniforms. They're only stupid uniforms, Rui. It doesn't matter."
Mizuki's clenched fist and nervous rambling don't escape Rui's attention. He knows her way too much for that.
"..."
"I… I already missed out on so much by not being myself," Mizuki opens up more. "I’m scared… I'm so scared about all of this. I probably won’t be able to do this well, and I’m sure I’ll stumble a lot. But having more regrets… is scarier, Rui.”
He closes his eyes. “… Mizuki…”
“Let’s just think of this as boymoding while I’m within the oppressive confines of the Academy or something. Haha!” Mizuki tries to lighten up the mood, winking. “Besides, I still look cute, don’t I?”
Rui’s smirk returns. “Yes, indeed. You look amazing, Mizuki.”
Mizuki smiles, feeling warm.
"And Mizuki. I will be here to give you a steady hand when you need it."
“Thank you for always affirming me, Rui.”
“Even if it’s only to make me feel better.”
“Hmm, it seems the opening ceremony will soon commence,” Rui observes.
They follow the direction everyone is walking in.
“By the way, An, Akito, and Toya have also received invitations to attend this oppressive magical institution,” Rui reveals. “I have yet to find them, though.”
“Wait, really?! That’s great!” Mizuki beamed.
More than anything else, they’re glad they won’t be as alone as they initially thought. If all else fails, at least they’ll have a few people they can talk to.
Arriving in the auditorium, they settle for seats near the back, far from everyone else.
There aren't that many students. Not surprising. There are about 100-something students.
Thanks to the largely empty auditorium, it wasn't difficult to find An. She's sitting next to a blonde girl wearing a backward cap. Likewise, An notices them and they exchange greetings, waving at each other.
Next, they find Akito and Toya sitting together. And oh! There's Ms. Yoisaki! She's still together with the other girl from earlier. And... Mizuki also glances in Ena's direction. They can't help it. She's with her group from earlier, including Mafuyu. Unsurprisingly, based on the tension earlier, Ena sits as far away from Mafuyu, with Airi and Shizuku between them. What's all that about anyway?
Once the clock hits 10:00 AM, the ceremony promptly begins.
The President of the Academy steps onto the podium and welcomes everyone for the new academic term.
He's an imposing man in his 50s. A bastion of masculinity, almost like a caricature. Tall and muscular. Deep, booming voice. Slick hair. Thick beard. Stern eyes. Powerful standing posture. Most likely filthy rich. Like damn. He looks like the type of man younger guys would fawn over as they read his self-help books and willingly pay for his scammy courses.
Mizuki remembers meeting him when they stepped into the Academy for the first time to attend their scheduled orientation and pick up their uniform.
He sternly and explicitly told them that they were required to wear the uniform according to their biological sex per the institution's rules. Failure to do so will result in disciplinary action, including the threat of expulsion.
Oh, the panic they felt on that day. There's no way he didn't know they're trans. Mizuki figured the Academy probably pried into their medical records and knew about their medications.
Mizuki took that as a personal warning.
A subtle or not-so-subtle "you're a man, and you will be a man on the Academy grounds."
Back in the present, the President's overwhelming aura fails to paper over how much of a dross his speech is.
It's the usual cliché. Future. Success. Effort. We're here to help you excel. Follow the rules. You will be the leaders of tomorrow. Preparing you for the challenges of tomorrow. You are the future of our great nation. Blah blah.
"I'm bored, Rui."
Mizuki leans their head against Rui's shoulders, pretending to fall asleep.
"Oh my. Do you not want to hear about their hopes for us to be valued members of our great nation's oppressive patriarchal system, Mizuki?" He asks sarcastically.
Ultimately, Mizuki did genuinely end up dozing off.
Mizuki only starts paying attention when Hatsune Miku is introduced as the new important staff member.
"Thank you for the powerful words, Mr. President! I'm sure the students' spirits were invigorated and awakened by your awesome speech. Hihi!" Miku says as she takes over the stage. She almost sounds snarky.
"Anyway! Hi, students! As your new student body administrator, I will implement a new system called COLORFUL Friendship & Bonding!" She announces before lowering her voice and murmuring. "Ooh, they absolutely hated that name, by the way. Probably because they think it sounds too homosexual or something."
The students gasp collectively. Then, some start chuckling.
"Pfff," Mizuki covers their mouth to stifle laughter.
Shit. Miku totally did that on purpose!!!
Even Rui looks surprised. Wide-eyed, staring at the stage.
"Oh dear. It appears things will be more interesting with the diva's introduction."
The President scowls, sitting in the background, while Miku continues her speech.
"Sooooo, as I'm sure many of you are aware, there have been concerns about the growing division in this nation due to the political and social climate. The effects of such a turbulent landscape have seeped into this Academy. The Board noticed how it affected your upperclassmen and recent graduates. Simply put, students are not talking and interacting as much anymore. Wary of each other, they're no longer collaborating and working together. So, you see. The Board is very worried about it, and I've been hired to fix it! Long story short, a new system will be implemented to assign everyone to a unit of four. A TEAM. The units will be determined by an advanced sorting system based on who you are and match you with the appropriate partners," Miku smirks, glancing at the students. "Yes, yes. I know, I know. I see some of you groaning and complaining that you don't get to choose your unit, but I promise the system WILL assign you to the unit you rightfully belong to. Yeahhh. I'm sure it will be rough and awkward at first. But we hope to see you work through and overcome your differences. Find common ground. Learn how to work together. Build deep and lasting bonds. Improve and grow stronger together. That kind of stuff! And I hope... that unit will become almost like your 2nd family throughout your time here in the Academy," she paused to let it sink in. "Lastly, each unit will be assigned an instructor. And uh, they'll explain more details when you get there!"
The President clears his throat.
"You missed a crucial detail, Ms. Hatsune." He criticizes her out of spite. A lousy attempt to get back at her. "Each unit will be one of three categories: an all-male group, an all-female group, or a 2-male, 2-female mixed group."
Miku rolls her eyes. "Yes, yes. Very important detail, Mr. President. You hear that, everyone?" Miku returns her attention to the students and whispers again. "Don't worry, ladies. I assure you I won't let them put all-girls groups into disadvantageous positions and 'support-only' roles." Miku winks.
"Ms. Hatsune."
"Whoops, I was thinking out loud. My bad! Anyway, one last thing! The units formed by the system are final, and there won't be any further changes. Do we agree on that front, Mr. President?"
The President cracks a confident smile. "Absolutely, Ms. Hatsune. We did numerous test runs on the population with resounding success. The sorting system was developed by the most advanced minds in our great nation. There won't be a mistake."
"Oookay, then." Miku gives him a challenging smirk. "We'll see."
After Miku's speech, Mizuki and Rui exchange uncertain glances. An, too. She turns to them, shrugging.
"Sooo... in other words, they're putting us in randomized groups," Mizuki tries to summarize. "It's kind of like those dreadful group projects in high school. But this time, it's sprinkled with some... uhh, colorful friendship?"
"Not quite a random sortation," Rui adds his input. "It will be determined by a supposedly highly advanced machine based on... vague and subjective criteria."
"Huh. I suppose it's gendered, too. Because, of course, it is."
"Mizuki..."
They shake their head. "It's okay. On the bright side, there's a better chance we'll end up on the same team!"
Rui nods. "Hm! That would be great, yes."
"It'll be funny if it's me, you, Toya, and Akito. No way that's going to happen, but maybe this sorting machine thing will put you with people you're already friends with?"
"We shall see if that's the case."
"Haaaa." Mizuki slumps forward and hides their head behind their arms. "Honestly, all of this sounds troublesome."
Rui frowns.
Underneath the facade and distractions, he can see how much this is getting under Mizuki's skin.
She'll either end up in a dangerous situation with three guys in her team or a mixed group. He hopes it's the latter, at least. For Mizuki's safety.
"..."
Rui curses the unfairness of it all.
The poor girl is truly trying her best despite the horrendous situation she's been handed. But she's constantly being forced and expected to be someone she's not. Over and over again. It's a lot to endure. And while it's admirable how Mizuki keeps going despite everything, there will be a breaking point at some point. Rui fears the inevitability of that moment. Can he do anything to help Mizuki survive?
He remembers when Mizuki came out to him as trans after graduation. She was so nervous and could hardly say any words. At that moment, he finally knew the reason behind the despair he could always sense in Mizuki underneath her carefree facade and the look of endless sadness in her eyes throughout high school.
And now, matters that made her feel miserable are happening again.
It will keep happening in the future.
"Moment of truth, huh?" Mizuki mutters bitterly when they begin announcing the units.
On the big screen, four students' names, along with their ID pictures, appeared. Additionally, their assigned instructor was also displayed. Plus, a designated room number where they're supposed to meet with the rest of their unit and instructor after the opening ceremony's conclusion.
Mizuki and Rui anxiously anticipate their name and pictures to appear.
Units were announced one after another. Names have gone.
Ms. Yoisaki's friend, revealed to be Honami Mochizuki, is among the first to be announced. She's assigned to an all-girls group.
"Saki... Tenma?" Mizuki curiously mentions one of the names with Honami's team.
It's the girl with twin-tailed blonde hair and low pink highlights.
"Oh. That's Tsukasa's sister, by the way," Rui reveals.
"Woah. Tsukasa has a sister? She's cute."
The next familiar faces to go are Ena's friends, Airi and Shizuku. They're in an all-girls group with Minori Hanasato and Haruka Kiritani. Ena looks disappointed she doesn't get to be with her friends...
"Isn't this also a unit of idol girls?" Mizuki ponders. "This sorting thing is wild. Is it sorting you by interest and profession, too? Sometimes, it feels random..."
Moments later, An's name is announced together with Akito and Toya. The other member is the blonde girl An is sitting with. Kohane Asuzawa. That's her name.
"Damn. I'm jealous. This team mostly knows each other already," Mizuki complains.
That only leaves Rui among their friends. Otherwise, they'll be left with people they don't know much about. They'll have no idea what type of people they'll end up with; what their views are, how they feel about trans people, whether they're racist and homophobic, and such.
Mizuki is starting to feel the claws of anxiety grip them.
"Okay, calm down. The silver-haired girl is still there."
And so is Ena. But Mizuki doesn't want to be in the same group as her.
The top student, Mafuyu Asahina, also remains waiting. She seems like the person who won't bother you unless it's to get you to do your homework or whatever. So it shouldn't be too bad if they're on the same team. But honestly, Mizuki is a little scared of her too...
The pool of students is slowly shrinking.
And...
SHIT!!!
They didn't see them until now, but those guys are here too. Mizuki doesn't remember their names, so they call them "The Three Stooges - A, B, C."
Basically... those three have bullied and harassed Mizuki at times in high school for being "a fag" and "low testosterone."
Moreover, they've been in the same school as Stooge A since elementary. So he fucking knows about them dressing up in the past!!
"Yo, Akiyama! Why don't you ever go to the gym? Is it by choice, too? Haha! More like shitty excuses for being a gay loser!"
Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Knowing their shitty luck, they'll end up on the same team as them, won't they?!
"Mizuki."
Rui holds their hand, calming them down.
"Rui."
He smiles.
"It's okay. I am still here-"
Oh.
Rui's name finally appears on the screen.
Tsukasa Tenma. Emu Otori. Nene Kusanagi. Rui Kamishiro.
Instructor: KAITO. Room Number: 016C.
"Mizuki Akiyama" is nowhere to be seen on that list.
Mizuki and Rui stare at each other's eyes, mouths agape.
"Well, shit," Rui curses, which is a rare occurrence.
"... hahaha..." Mizuki releases a humorless chuckle. "Yeah..."
Their luck is truly rotten. They'll really end up with the Stooges at this point.
"Mizuki, I'm sorry..."
Mizuki slowly withdraws their hand. "It's okay. Don't apologize. It's not your fault... I-I need to learn to stand on my own. I can't expect you to babysit me around, you know? Haha..."
"Mizuki. We may not be in the same unit, but that doesn't mean I won't be there to support you anymore!" Rui reassures.
"Yes, I know. Thank you, Rui."
"Mizuki..."
In the meantime, Tsukasa, sitting on the other side of the auditorium, stands up to give Rui an exaggerated thumbs up. Rui acknowledges the gesture with a nod and a :3 smirk.
Mizuki forces a grin.
"I'm truly happy for you, Rui. It looks like you found your place."
The two continue watching in silence.
Mizuki is somewhere between indifferent, anxious, and dissociating, seemingly flickering in and out of existence. Caring and not caring. Only to eventually start worrying about their unit again.
Haaaa. They sigh.
Why bother anymore? They'll be assigned to a unit soon. With their friends off the list, odds are they'll be with (mostly) strangers. And there's nothing they can do about it. All they can do is wait. It won't be long now.
"E-Eh?"
They feel Rui shift beside them.
He gently taps them on the shoulders.
"Mizuki?"
Oh.
It seems Mizuki wasn't paying attention and was "out of it" when their name finally appeared.
"H-Huh?"
They quickly turn their attention to the screen on stage.
Their eyes widen in shock.
"W-Wait. What the fuck?"
Kanade Yoisaki. Mafuyu Asahina. Ena Shinonome. Mizuki Akiyama.
Instructor: Luka Megurine. Room Number: 025C.
Surely, this has to be a mistake? Because what the fuck do you mean they're in a unit with three cis women? They hadn't even considered this outcome! Isn't this supposed to be an all-girls group?!
"Well, you're a girl. This makes sense." Rui points out, finding optimism.
"Uhm, y-yeah... maybe..."
Even after acknowledging themselves as trans, Mizuki still struggles with being referred to as a girl. Even to themselves.
"B-But..."
Mizuki turns their attention to the stage, waiting for this to be retracted. To be declared a mistake.
They can see the President is seething in his chair. Miku raises a curious eyebrow before her lips twist into an amused smile.
"There won't be a mistake," the President confidently declared a while ago.
He can only grit his teeth in annoyance.
The event continues without objection.
Looking for their unit members, Mizuki meets Kanade's kind blue eyes first. There's no judgment in those eyes. She smiles at them warmly.
Then, they gaze toward Ena and Mafuyu... aaaand they're already staring at Mizuki.
Mafuyu nods and gives them that perfect smile before turning her attention elsewhere. Probably to look for Kanade.
Ena's stare remains fixed on them. It's impossible to tell what she's thinking. But she doesn't give them any acknowledging gesture, unlike Kanade and Mafuyu.
Mizuki quickly turns away.
The announcement moves on to the last remaining units, but everyone's attention remains on the previous unit.
"Uhh, weren't mixed groups supposed to have 2 guys and 2 girls?"
"What? A 3 and 1 mixed group like that is allowed? It would've been nice to be surrounded by 3 hot guys. Haha."
"What's a guy doing in their group?"
"This is weird."
Those were the general sentiments. And Mizuki can hear a lot of the chatter.
Right.
People's confusion is understandable. In the Academy's eyes and legal documents, Mizuki is undoubtedly male. And regardless of whether they passed or not, their "official" gender was visibly obvious just by seeing their uniform.
This isn't supposed to happen.
They aren't supposed to be in a unit like this... with three "real girls."
Did someone play a sick joke on them?
Mizuki swallows their breath.
Their heart rate hasn't slowed down.
Their breaths become heavier.
They start to sweat.
They can't stop themselves from quivering.
From now on, there will be eyes on them.
Watching their every move. Scrutinizing them. Judging them. Searching them for any wrongdoing. For signs of them being "a creep" or something.
Surely, they'll create some twisted reason they could blame Mizuki for this, too.
They've become visible to everyone.
Mizuki believes they were prepared to face the challenges when they decided to pursue their true self again.
But are they ready to face and overcome their fears?
This is supposed to be a chance. To make up for something they never got to have.
That's all a silly fantasy.
In reality, they're just an "other."
And it fucking hurts so much.