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It had been discussed long before their wedding night. Wally had chewed his lip up roughly that night. Admitting that he was afraid of being like his father— but his dad was a good dad, Linda, a great one; Wally was just a difficult kid and —it had been rough admitting the fear of being like him. He didn't look much like his father and yet sometimes, Wally would stand in front of their medicine cabinet mirror and poke and prod at his own face. He looked more like his mother and she was a little nicer about it all. Rough around the edge, but she clearly held a high amount of love for him so it was fine. There was a hateful little part of him that wished he looked more like Aunt Iris. God, he wishes it still sometimes that he was just her son and no one else's. Slamming the medicine cabinet shut afterwards was always a bad idea because the safety deposit will definitely be gone if he breaks this thing. It's easier to not look much into it.
He liked to swing open the cabinet door so he didn't brush his teeth staring at the mirror in their apartment too. That's something other people do sometimes. It's normal. Linda does it too sometimes even though Wally knows she just does it so it's easier to grab the floss in there afterwards.
—
Barry and Iris used to be careful in raising their hands around Wally. Hell, even as Kid Flash he had noticed the Rogues do something similar as they slowly connected that the fear being shown wasn't because of them but because of someone worse. It made him uncomfortable how many people were aware of the old fear that would bolt through Wally. The lightning had been kinder to him than the fear thrumming in him as Rudy takes the wedding invitation from shaky hands. It's one shot, just one last one to mend their lives back together.
Talking to Rudy made him feel small every time. Years of superhero experience and it all seemed to go down the drain when his dad clapped a hand onto his shoulder. The flinch Wally had done was on pure instinct. He knows Linda saw him flinch. He knows his dad saw him flinch. The three of them don't bring it up as Rudy grunts in affirmation as he skims over the invite. Nothing more than a congratulations afterwards and asking if Wally needs anything else. He swallows his spit before shaking his head no. His posture is awful as he tries to make himself as small as possible for the time as if he wasn't now taller than his dad. He stands tall and proud like Rudy does when he isn't around the man. The fiddling of his fingers as they speak comes from Mary. He is his parent's son in every way he wishes he wasn't.
His father scares him. In so many ways, he knows it isn't good to talk to him. He's getting worse and worse. Iris had told him it might be time to let go there. Wally was starting to agree with that assessment. This one last meeting was just for the sake of closure. For the sake of his mother who had said to give her horrible ex-husband one last chance to make it right with his son. No one here wants to actually be here and it's damn obvious. Just invite the old man to the wedding and move on. If he doesn't show up, Linda put it best; good fucking riddance and goodbye.
—
"...I don't think I want to talk to them anymore. At all."
Mary was actively ruining his fucking life. Everything felt like a new level of hell whenever he saw his mother again. She treated him less and less like a person and more like a personal toy. He stirs the sauce in the pot and wonders if she had pressured Rudy into having him just so she could have a ... Thing. To own. To dress him up, dote on him— "don't flap your hands, Wallace; sit like this, Wally; don't you know I just want what's best for you; you're killing your mother; friends aren't all that important, I'm your best friend." She had never done anything about the smacks over the head or the verbal lashings Wally sat through. Her manipulation was a different breed from Rudy's. He felt bad for her and the fact she married such an awful man, but he couldn't excuse the sinking feeling in his gut lately whenever she made his life harder. She had changed the zeta tubes without asking and appearing in her apartment it just. It broke something in him finally.
Moving sounding right. Moving was a good idea, but what about the dread filling him when he thought of visiting her? He already barely spoke to Rudy ever. Rudy didn't seem to ever care, it's not like he didn't try to have Wally killed. Which was a whole new dilemma that he shouldn't think of right now while he makes spaghetti.
Linda's arms are wrapping around his midsection as she leans her forehead against his back. It's easy to sag into her hold because he trusts her with his whole damn life. She could ask for his heart and he'd try carving it out of his ribs if it would make her smile.
"You know whatever you want, I support you," she squeezes him lightly and seems to take a more protective hold as she shuffles near him, "I don't think talking to either of your parents helps you much. I don't like them and they don't like me either... Plus we have Iris, Wally."
He nods, careful to not look back to her as his eyes sting. It was his mother who told him crying was a weak thing, surprisingly. He knows if he took his attention off the food he'd start crying and maybe wouldn't stop. He has Iris and once upon a time he had Barry too. They were better. He wishes he was their son from the very start.
"I think Barry would be proud of you for taking the step." She sounds more hesitant. Unsure on if she's crossing some sort of line here despite the fact it's what Wally always hoped for whenever he thought of something like this.
It's that line that makes him turn around in her hold quickly. Selfish super-speed usage just to let his wife hold him as he cries into her shoulder. He misses Barry, he misses being a son to a father that cares. He at least his Iris for his mother for now, but a grave isn't the same for a father.
—
It's surreal holding his children. Brushing baby hairs out of two faces and a crumpling feeling overtaking him. How did his parents hold him like this and decide to hurt him for the rest of their lives? How did they write out the name Wallace West and decide to make his life hell for so long? Jai and Iris—they'll call her Irey for the sake of his aunt and mother.
Linda's hands reach out to take their children back and he knows. He knows it then and there that the two of them will never be his parents. Wally refuses to make anyone live as he does and Linda sees this in him and all the cases she's reported on like him. The twins will be different.
—
Irey stands and stares at a piece of art that Kyle drew for him. It was one of the few moments of peace between the two. Barry's holding the twins, small little newborns in his arms. It sits next to the real photograph of Iris holding them. It was the best Kyle could do. Wally had broken down into his arms. They both swore off talking about it and that was that. A simple olive branch that made Connor smug for too long.
He walks by and ruffles her hair gently. She's peering up at him with big old eyes that seem to know immediately what he thinks. He stops and crouches down to her level a bit more, grappling with the fact his kids seem to grow so damn quick. Quicker than any speedster could even keep up with. It makes him proud and it always makes him think of his parents in a bitter way. He glances again at the art and bites the side of his cheek before looking back at his daughter scuffing her tennis shoe on the ground.
"Me and Jai wanted to know if you think Grandpa Barry would have liked us." The first time they called Iris grandma had brought her tears. The first time they called Barry grandpa Wally had to hold that breakdown until he was in bed with Linda. He knows Barry would have ugly cried about in private if he knew how much the kids adore him in even death.
"He would have loved you so, so much. Would have ignored all of mine and your mom's little rules just to give you guys more candy," he lets out a huff of laughter as he thinks of Barry handing him candy bars even before the lightning struck him and made him Kid Flash. He had been desperate for the approval of his girlfriend's nephew unaware that Wally was already looking at the older man with stars in his eyes. A forensics guy that lived in the same city as his hero— who had ended up being his hero in every meaning of the word.
Irey pulls him into a hug and as he holds her close to him with a smile all he thinks of is how much he's been like Barry in this regard. He may be Rudy's and Mary's, but in every way that mattered he was Barry's and Iris's child. Their son that brough home two kids and planned for more some day in the future. It's alright. He's a good dad in the way that he never thought he would get to be. That fear of being just like Rudy began slipping away as his son joined their hug without a question.
There's a kiss pressed to each of their temples and then an immediate ew from them both. He's shooing them off and standing up from the crouch starting to put a pinch of pain in his lower back. Man, he's getting old. The thought of that makes him glance at the artwork again. He brushes the tip of his finger against the framed smile. He wishes it was real. He wishes desperately that Barry was getting older and older too instead of finishing his rot in the ground. Unfair thoughts at a bad moment. He turns his head away and walks off. It's time to drop the kids off anyways then go off to do hero shit.
—
Not existing is a conundrum that perhaps Wally should not think of too deeply. Moving around and making everyone remember him after Barry had brought him back was perfect. The hugs and kisses to his cheeks and the ultimate kiss from his wife were just right. All those missing gaps suddenly seemed to make more sense to everyone. When it came down to the final two people though, he hesitated. He had his family again; Linda, Irey, Jai, Iris, Barry, Titans and League, all the other speedsters... A peaceful existence with the final two sitting on opposite sides of the country from one another after a messy divorce. Their own little care for the gaps in their lives that they never really bother to look further into.
What did it mean to him to look Rudy and Mary in their eyes again and make them remember a son they forgot? He didn't want to see them again. He wanted to pretend he was always just Iris and Barry's son. It would be easier. Sitting down on the couch of Iris and Barry's new place is awkward sometimes. They seemed to have instinctually known something was wrong with the random hole in their lives. That the gaping hole was the tall and freckled ginger playing with his thumbs on the couch. Just like Mary does, but Wally's been saying lately it's just his own habit instead. A further way to mentally disconnect from the guilt of not telling his biological parents.
Barry's slipping down and sitting next to him, a soft look in his eyes. Sometimes he stares like he could hardly believe he has a son at all. Sometimes he stares like he's guilty for not having looked. Wally knows the feeling well at this point. Everything about this was so much more ridiculously difficult than it should be and that includes voicing his feelings to Barry about Rudy and Mary. Iris had told him softly that he never had to tell Rudy and Mary. If they ever remember him, they were unlikely to reach out. They had never bothered beforehand nor do they seem to care about the gaps at the moment. He knew she was right, but he was always scared in a way that Barry would disapprove of his actions. He looks up to him in every way possible and it shows in every interaction they have.
"Barry, I talked to Linda and Iris about this, but I wanted to tell you that..." he trails off now, the speedster brain working against him as every anxious scenario flitted in and out of existence. His leg bounces in place as he takes a deep breath in and out. "I don't plan on making Rudy or Mary remember me directly or you know uh. Talking to them. I had stopped talking to them a long time ago."
The sharp inhale from Barry tells him enough and also at the same time nothing. It's not disapproval though and he can tell this from the way Barry's putting a gentle hand on his knee to stop the incessant bouncing. He looks up and is met with that same soft look but also a sort of understanding Wally's gotten used to since he was first taken in by them. They know he's afraid of things most kids should not ever be afraid of. It makes him swallow and try to smile a little in reassurance as Barry mulls over what to say likely. It's only a minute of time and that is practically hell for them both with how quick they view life overall.
"Son, I never expected you to want to keep talking to them. You don't need to do it for my sake either. I quit talking to them both the day that you were home for the first time and safe in my arms. If not doing it yourself is what you want, I support you fully, Wally—"
He's cut off with a harsh huff of breath as Wally throws himself into Barry's arms with superspeed. It was a mix of everything in that cut-off speech that made him act. Son, home, in Barry's arms. That's what Wally would fall asleep wanting in his old bed. Dreaming of the Flash carrying him out of there and his mom and dad waving goodbye. That they never looked for him again. It's a dream come true to have Barry hug him back tightly. He's not Rudy's or Mary's. He's the son that Iris and Barry had always wanted. They clothed him and put bandages on bruises and scrapes he got fighting crime. Iris tailored Barry's suit to fit him. He grew snug into it and modified it every which way just to make sure he carried his real dad around on his back. Sure, he's their nephew, but above all else he's their son. There can be ones in the future and other family messes, but Wally's content in knowing it's the same here. He can crawl into his dad's arms and have Barry smile at him like he's the one that hung the sun in the sky.