Chapter Text
Sex is his sixth sense -- his element.
...Very unfortunate that Kenny's stuck in a bet...
It happened out of nowhere. Kenny was just chilling out with his best friends Kyle, Cartman, and Stan at Kyle's house. They all decided to hang a day before their third year of high school.
Kenny, at first, didn't see the point. What's so special about being a Junior?
But Kenny suppose that it's a big deal to everyone. It's the very last cusp where sneaking out to parties is easy and parents are not yet ready to breath down their child's shoulder about life after high school. So cheers to that.
Nonetheless, Kenny found that the little get together is actually pretty nice. He get to spend all day with the people he liked the most, just pigging out on junk food Cartman brought and playing video games that Stan bought last minute. No parents, no siblings, no responsibility (at least for the day). It's almost like a little unspoken ritual the four teens started ever since they were little. Kenny is glad that nothing has changed their friendship, and most likely nothing ever will.
Apparently, Kenny spoke too soon.
Cartman announced he was done with video games, effectively ending whatever party they had going on. He insisted (more like commanded) on playing some party-type games. After a few moments of pondering, Kyle offered 'Truth or Dare' to the table.
Cartman, of course, is first to protest. Probably just because it's Kyle who said something. Kenny and Stan obviously backs Kyle up, and the fat boy grumbles in submission.
Kenny doesn't really like truth or dare--unless there were girls involved and enough alcohol to get them all drunk. It made for rather interesting dares. But these are Kenny's friends, even though it's pretty much established that he'd put his dick in anything with a pulse and a hole.
But Kenny would never fuck his best friends. That's like, bro code number 17.
"Okay, Kahl. Truth or dare?"
Kyle breathes in.
"...Dare."
Of course Kyle pick dare. Not because he's a daredevil, no. It's because Kenny is about 99% sure Cartman knows about Kyle's crush on Stan.
They've been best friends ever since the diaper ages, and has been inseperable since. Of course feelings would develop. But goddammit Stan is so fucking dense. Kenny would admit it's kinda cute seeing Kyle trying his hardest to get Stan's attention away from Wendy just to fall short because Stan is such a dumbass. Kenny's sure Stan likes Kyle back, but he's being too much of a fuckboy for Wendy. Seriously, the whole lasting relationship thing wore off ages ago, and everyone and their mother knows that Wendy is just too much for Stan to handle. She's too high maintenance. Not like that's completely a bad thing, but she's also annoying and a hypocritical slut disguised as a 'true' feminist.
The gleam in Cartman's eye snaps Kenny from his thoughts.
"I dare you to kiss Stan."
As expected. Kenny really did feel bad though. Kyle probably thought he'd get away to avoid answering "do you like Stan" if he'd chosen truth, but the dare isn't so peachy either. Maybe it can seem less awkward since Cartman made the dare?
"Aww dude, really?" Stan whined. His face slowly turned red and he started to shift in his seat on the couch. Kyle turned the same shade.
Cartman smirked and snickered, obviously enjoying the moment too much.
Kenny sighed and just watched passively as Stan fumbled with his jacket zipper and Kyle looking everywhere but at Stan. This seemed to go on forever until Cartman started making mocking kissy faces at the two, trying to speed things up.
"Just..." Kyle starts, but never finishes. Stan seems to get the message though, and they both just looked at each other for a hot minute before leaning in. The couch is an evil bitch, though, and when Stan tries to lean into it for balance, the soft cushion sank Stan even lower, making him stumble into an awkward kiss that even made Kenny flinch.
Cartman didn't seem to mind. In fact, he's rolling all over the floor, cackling on top of a bag of Fritos and almost spilling Kenny's soda. The bastard.
"HAHAHA! Dude, that was fucking hilarious!" Cartman manages between gasps as Stan and Kyle both tear away as quickly as humanly possible.
Kenny can feel himself getting more and more impatient with Cartman. Kenny didn't see anything wrong with what happened. Despite being the most cringy kiss he has ever saw, Kenny actually supports Kyle and Stan's relationship. Hell, he'll ship it all the fucking way.
Kenny huffs and leans back on the couch, adjusting himself on the hard tile of the floor. "Hurry up, fatass." he says simply.
Immediately, Cartman stops laughing and sits up, ready to counteract the comment--but he just glares and smirk. Shit, Kenny hates being on the recieving end of that devilish glance. He'd rather die, and that's saying something considering his frequent (but almost nonexistent ever since middle school) unexplained deaths.
"It's your turn, Kinny..." Cartman drawls, malicious intent laces his words. Kenny slowly looks up with puppy eyes at Kyle and Stan, hoping they'd at least try to save him. But the two are too busy avoiding each other's gaze and oddly squirming in their seats, trying to get comfortable again. Kenny sighed. Guess he's going into the crossfire alone.
Wait, no, not without a fight.
"You can't do that. You can't just go twice."
Cartman's smirk melts into a full smile and points to himself, all high and mighty. "Ya huh! I said we should play, so I get to do whatever I want, goddamit! Now...truth...or dare?"
Kyle suddenly perks up and looks ready to say that he was in fact the one who suggested the game, and that going twice is in fact against the rules. However, something must've occured to him, because Kyle shut right the hell up.
"Okay, okay, whatever. Dare."
Kenny wasn't a pussy. Give him a fucking dare. Let Cartman do his worst. Kenny don't give a flying fuck.
But now Kenny wished he could have been more of a pussy than a cat could ever be. Because he was not prepared for the blow.
"I dare you to never, EVER, fuck again."
Silence.
"But..." Kenny starts, taken aback. "...You can't just give me a dare like that! Why not something I can do right here right now?"
Cartman raises his eyebrows in a 'really, bitch?' tone. Yeah, Kenny figured as much.
"...Never?" Kenny weakly mumbles, his life crumbling before his very eyes. He knows he's being dramatic, but he couldn't do this. No fucking way. He'll back out right now, he don't care if he's ridiculed and called a--
"Mhm, well, I guess we could compremise..." Cartman contemplates, but Kenny couldn't care less that it sounded more like an elaborate, evil plan than genuine concern for Kenny.
"...A week. Wait, no...a month."
"A month?"
"A month."
Kenny groans, slouching, not even caring that his back aches from the new and uncomfortable angle. It also seems that Stan and Kyle is finally over their little bitchy fit and tries to cheer the distraught blond boy up with, "Don't worry, Ken. It's not that long..." or, "Dude, you can totally do this."
"...Okay, whatever." Kenny sighs in agreement. He was soooo gonna regret this later. But he just want the game to be over already. "So I just gotta not put my dick in anyone--"
"Uh uhh~ Silly Kinny.There is more to it~" Cartman sings. Kenny mumbles and frowns. Goddammit. He thought he could just get away with porn or something. It probably wouldn't last him a whole month without real vagina, but he could wait it out with magazines and internet if it really meant it.
Then, Cartman starts to list all the things Kenny couldn't do for the month of the bet. He even asked POLITELY for a pen and paper to write it all down.
No fucking.
No masturbation.
And worst of all, no ejaculation PERIOD.
If Kenny could abide by those rules for a full month, thirty one days, he gets fifty bucks from EACH person here. And if he loses, he owes them each thirty bucks. (Kenny let Cartman joke about him being too poor to afford giving them fifty each in a lifetime. Whatever dough boy. Keep laughing, maybe you'll sweat off a couple of pounds.)
$150 for a month of abstinence? Fucking sweet. That probably sounded pretty cool to the average high schooler, but to Kenny, it was a million dollars.
Okay...so really, Kenny only has kissing to work with, or at least that's all the possible loopholes he could make out of the outlandish situation he found himself in. This month is gonna be some real fuck-shit.
Kenny would've almost just disagreed with the terms, but something hit him.
He is Kenny fucking McCormick. Not some horny sex slave who can't keep it in his pants. Yeah, he takes pride in his reputation that he so rightfully earned, but it's not like it's out of his control. His family are the ones without control. His father can't go a day without ingesting large amounts of beer and wasting away their money. His mother constantly threw her cool out the window to start verbal--and sometimes physical--arguments; a few times for no reason. His brother Kevin practically breathes meth and his sister Karen can't stop worrying about her weight and cutting back on meals.
THEY were the ones who were out of control and constantly let themselves sink further in obsession. They didn't know when to stop. It's gotten to the point where it hurt others...hurt Kenny, both physically and emotionally. It's hard to see his family crumble under the ground. They practically made their name McCormick into "The dysfunctional family".
Kenny McCormick, even though he holds the same name, is nothing like his family. He actually has control over his desire and somewhat abnormal infatuation over sex. He knows when to quit it and when to indulge. Somehow, this was more than a bet for the blond. It was a test of endurance. An opportunity to really show how much better Kenny is compared to all the rumors, even if it seems like it's just going to stroke his own ego.
And this bet is all that he needs to reassure himself of that fact.