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“-I-I can't say his name and I-I-I- and I can't even remember his face-”
“Hey, hey! Calm down!”
“They must have blocked him out of my system! Wh...Why would they do that!?”
“Painter! Listen to me. Just listen to the sound of my voice. First thing we do once we reach the surface and get to safety, I'm going to fix you, alright? We can recover everything you remember about your creator. Chances are there's still some traces of him left inside of that memory of yours. You'll be able to put a face to any portrait you dedicate to him. But we can't do any of that unless you can stay calm until I can get both of us out of here.”
“I... I didn't mean to make you worry about me...”
“No need for any apologies, kid. Just as long as you're feeling fine, that's all I want.”
[Bzzzt-]
“As long as you’re feeling fine.” They honestly felt the furthest thing from ‘Fine’…
They can’t remember… they can’t remember their own Creator…
What if they never remember!?
What if they forget more!?
What if they forget where they came from!? Or their Creators favourite places!?
Or- Or-
What if- What if…
…
What if they forget Sebastian…?
Painter hugged his knees close to his chest, he’s sure if he could be sick he would have several times already, as he desperately clawed at every and any memories he still has within his systems. Making back up after back up and hiding them as well as he could so no one but him could find them.
He tries to believe what Sebastian told him, that everything was going to be okay- that they’d get him his memories back… that there is… something… left, but what if there wasn’t? What if they couldn’t fix his memories? What if everything he has left, every interaction, every picture or memory of places, every person or thing he knew, got erased.
What if their memories were currently being erased!?
WHAT IF IT JUST GOT WORSE!?
Static begins to fill the room around him, the robotic equivalent of sobs, as every bad, nightmarish, situation filled every one of his servos with nothing but pure dread.
-They were so wrapped up in their worse case scenarios that they didn’t even hear his walkie-talkie buzz to life.
What if they did forget Sebastian?
What if they completely forgot about wanting to get out?
What if they forgot about helping Sebastian at all!?
What if them forgetting allowed N.A.V.I. to take full control of the Blacksite again!?
He doesn’t what to forget more, even if it would be things like this hell they are trapped in till Sebastian can get them out. He can’t forget, he doesn’t what to forget, they are his memories! He should be the one to decide! Not some- heartless- selfish- bastards!
He doesn’t even know where to begin checking to see if his memories being erased is a gradual thing, to check if it’s still happening. He keeps repeating memories on loop, trying to see if any will disappear suddenly, but it’s not like he'll remember if one does- he’s essentially just a sitting duck! Literally! He’s stuck sitting whilst, whoever tapered with his systems is who knows where with full knowledge of what they’ve done.
It’s not like it was ever a secret that Urbanshade was trying to bust his systems enough so he’d no longer care for drawing, they’d written as much in his file. Maybe… he should have just kept overclocking his systems till he had destroyed himself… then there would be no worry of losing his memories… but then he’d have never have met Sebastian…
A sudden hand on his head snapped him out of his internal decent of terror and… rather self destructive thoughts. His head shot up and, squished into his little cage that is their cell, there was Sebastian, looking down at him with clear concern.
When did he even get here?
Has he been here for a while?
He lowered his head, feeling guilty for causing Sebastian to worry so much that he decided to leave the security of his shop. Sebastian shouldn’t need to worry about him…
“Painter?” Sebastian’s tone was soft, he doesn’t know how to feel always being on the receiving end of it. “Kid, talk to me, what happened?” Did… something happen…? His arms tightened around himself, he doesn’t know… he can’t recall something happening.
Had something happened?
His chest hurt as static began filling the room once again, just much, much louder. Sebastian flinched and covered his ears at the sound. “I-I can’t- I don’t- I-I-” his hands clutched around his head, one in a fist slamming against the side repeatedly.
“No- Kid! Stop!” Sebastian grabbed his arms and held them in front of him. “I need you to listen to me, listen to my voice and try and slow down. Okay?” He nodded as Sebastian released his arms and gently held the sides of his head, tilting it to each side whilst remaining careful of the wires connected to the back of his head. “You’re going to be okay. I promise.” Was he though? “Can you tell me what caused you to panic so much? Was it to do with your Creator?”
Was it worth bringing up? They already have so much to worry about.
Evidently, Sebastian didn’t seem so keen on letting this slide as he crossed his arms. “Kid, I know that look. We aren’t ignoring this, not if it’s causing panic attacks.”
With seemingly no choice but to surrender he ‘sighed’, adjusting his legs so they were no longer on the table and just hanging off it. He’s not even sure where to start- the fact causing his chest to hurt with a hiccup of static. “I… I don’t want to forget more… I-I can’t…”
“Kid, your not going to forget more-”
“BUT WHAT IF I DO!? WHAT IF I SUDDENLY JUST FORGET EVERYTHING!? WHAT IF MINUTES OR HOURS LATER I SUDDENLY DON’T REMEMBER WHERE I AM!? OR WHO YOU ARE!? ITS NOT LIKE IM NOT ALREADY BROKEN!” They feel bad for yelling but the overwhelming, drowning, fear of forgetting just- it made him- they can’t do it. They just can’t.
Their systems were already broken, their emotions and thoughts were already fried to the point of being unstable from the over working Urban Shade put them through, and their legs were just completely busted and unusable from the lack of maintenance and use.
Sebastian didn’t say anything for a long while, probably annoyed at him for yelling at him. They just stayed silent, their drawn on face disappearing as they ‘cry’.
The next thing they knew Sebastian had picked up the tablet pen laid on the table next to him, complaining about how small it was, and began doodling something on the drawing tablet that was connected to them.
After a long few minutes of complete silence, asides from their static and the clicking of the pen touching the tablet, Sebastian spoke up. “Can you check this quickly for me?” They moved their head nodding and silently pulled up what he’d drawn on the drawing tablet- wait- not drawn, wrote.
’ name: P.A.I.nter
a very caring but also cocky little guy
computer that loves to do art
currently stuck deep under water in a place called the Hadal Black Site by an evil company called Urban Shade
what’s to return to the surface to continue making landscapes
friend down here Sebastian (brother) a big blue fish guy
Read this in case you feel you have forgotten something, also add what you wish ‘
They paused, repeatability rereading the few sentences Sebastian wrote, the letters were very shaky but legible. They saved it immediately before they returned their face to their screen and looked up at their brother. Sebastian didn’t look annoyed with him, worried definitely.
“They don’t seem to delete any art you make so I figured; it’s worth a shot.” He set the pen down gently. “And for another thing, yes you’re broken because of those ass hats, but I promise I will fix you. You’ll be able to feel properly again without any mood swings, you’ll be able to walk and run and stand again. You just need to hold it together for a little longer.”
He fidgeted with his hands for a good while. “I-I’m sorry, I-I-I shouldn’t have freaked out like that… you shouldn’t have to worry about me…” Sebastian shook his head at his words, how annoyed they sounded at themselves.
“Kid, you’re allowed to not be okay, and as it stands, I’m going to worry about you, because you’re one of the only good things I have left. So don’t you dare, and I mean it, don’t you dare down play how you feel. I know I’m asking you to hold it together, but by that I mean don’t let all the negative crush you, it’s okay to ask for help.” Sebastian patted them on the head lightly as his words began to process in their head. “Now, how about we talk about this phobia you’ve developed a bit more, unless you really, really, don’t want to.”
They took a deep ‘breath’, rubbing his hand against his palms in a circle. “… I’m… scared… I-I don’t want to- to forget and accidentally let N.A.V.I. have control again, and- what if- my memories can’t be recovered? What if I never remember… what-… what if my memories are currently being erased and I’m not noticing… I… I don’t want to let you down…” They tap their hands against their legs, waiting for a response.
Sebastian hummed thoughtfully, his ears twitching like they normally did when in thought. “If you do end up forgetting and that thing does take over again, that’s not your fault.” They were about to say something but he hushed them. “You aren’t choosing to loose your memories, and I can understand why that scares you, you don’t know if someone is controlling what you remember or not. Either way, it’s not your fault. No one who suffers memory loss really chooses to forget. Something just happens, and then the memory is gone. I won’t blame you if you forget anything.”
They look back at the list Sebastian wrote for them, feeling silly for make a big deal out of it, but the fear is still there. “Thank you… digits, I feel so dumb for letting it get to me so much, even now I- I still feel…”
“Fear doesn’t go away, you just learn to go through life with it till it doesn’t feel as suffocating anymore. It can take years or maybe you’ll never get over it, either way I’ll always be just a radio away if you need me, and once we get out, I’ll always make sure to check in on you.” They smile, leaning forward till they can grab onto Sebastian’s coat. They could hear Sebastian sigh before they were carefully pulled into a hug. “Yeah, yeah, I got you kid. I’ll always be here for you.”
Sebastian ended sticking around for a bit, the two of them just casually talking about the odd thing, apparently there’s a new toy remote that’s shown up, a blue one, and they don’t get along with the red one. It was driving Sebastian up a wall with how much the two bickered whenever an expendable entered the shop with both equipped.
Speaking of…
A loud beep sounded off within the room, alerting them that another group- or singular expendable was on their way down. Hearing Sebastian curse over how brain dead a good portion of them were made them laugh. He made sure they were properly secure on the table before slowly beginning to manoeuvre his way out of their cage.
“You’d think with how many large rooms they have they’d give you one, god.” Sebastian grunted and they eventually managed to slither out. He stretched once out, which fair the cell is very cramped, his back cracking. “Thats better, I’ll come back later once the expendable inevitably dies. Okay?”
“Yeah, I- thanks. I’ll see you later.” He waves Sebastian a goodbye.
“See you later Painter.” He waves back before crawling up and into the ventilation.
Back to sitting alone.
I should probably start getting the turrets up and-
“What are… you doing..? Help- HELP! SEBASTIAN! HELP ME! SOMEBODY!-“ [crash]
They stilled suddenly, beginning to tremble.
What the hell was that!?
He could hear the faint sounds of bells in the background.