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Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest and Co.

Summary:

In this fanfiction: a pakistani guy spawns featherless bipeds, while a vietnamese lad trades gun secrets for youkai pussy. An american fellow amasses a slave army, and a brazilian man gets relentlessly bullied. A canadian fella becomes the cia, an argentenian chap punches a hole in reality over puyo puyo, while his mate recreates the mafia, an australian gentleman causes hyperinflation, and a spanish dude collapses society for a frog.

Chapter 1: Day 1

Summary:

In this chapter: Joaquin nearly gets a surprise circumcision, Sc commits fatphobia, Nomura reveals his virginity, and Joe guns down natives.

Notes:

Finally published a touhou fic! The narrative style is fairly experimental, so feedback would be greatly appreciated!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Dim street lights flash across my eyes as I drive along the quiet highway. Mounted to the windshield of my car is a phone from which several jovial voices blast out; the sound of my friends playing some game together.

 

“Hehe, what the heck just happened you guys?” I angle my head so that my words go through the phone mic while keeping my eyes on the road, flicking an indicator as I check my blind spots. Multiple voices answer me as a sound indicates the beginning of a stream, likely trying to show me what just happened. “Did y'all forget that I’m driving? You guys trying to get me killed?” I shake my head and grin a bit as the voices laugh at someone panicking. Are they drunk? Again?

 

Sighing, I leave the quiet highway and turn onto an even quieter road. The path, void of lines and street lights, slowly turning uphill. It’s a pretty uneventful trip, but eventually the subtle glow of a million distant lights envelops me. The bustling city is an oddly calming light show despite the stories I’ve been told about it. Eventually, I reach the end of the road. For now at least, as it will most likely be extended in the future judging by the empty construction site in front of me.

 

“Alright, guys. I’m getting off for now.” I tell my friends with a strained voice as I stretch my limbs. Afterwards, I reach over to disconnect myself from the group call as another surge of noise is emitted from the phone.

 

It dies too fast for me to decipher; not like I care though. Finally, some peace. I lean back into the car seat as I gaze back at the city through my car window. “Huh, that’s a strange company name…” I squint my eyes at one of the skyscrapers, but I can’t seem to tell what the glowing sign up top says. “Well, it doesn't matter.” I adjust my body forward and—Hm? What’s this? In the middle of the steering wheel is a symbol of a silver flower. It’s what I would imagine a flower’s skeleton would look like if it had one. That’s strange… I don’t remember this being the car brand. As I reach my hand out to feel it… “Huh?” Why isn’t it responding?

 

“Fuck...My hand?” I mumble as I turn my head to look at the…knife its holding? “C'mon!” I try to move it once more but my muscles seem to be frozen. My knuckles turn white as my shaking hand holds the knife in a death grip. “The fuck? Let go already!” I struggle in place as the seat belt starts to get tighter and tighter around me. At this point, I can only move my head. Every twitch of motion makes my binds dig further, but I pay them no mind; I only have eyes for the flowery crest, mind focused on how to destroy it.

 

At the thought, my arm suddenly surges with newfound energy; painfully undoing itself from the tangle of the belt, I reach out to the symbol on the wheel right as it begins to glow. The light radiates in pulses–like a heart that needs to be silenced–and I do just that by plunging the knife into the flower symbol, deep into the steering wheel. The following eruption of light all but blinds me, and the last thing I see before fading is a typhoon of coins spurting out from the emblem.

 



VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

Jesus Christ! Did a nuke just go off next to me or something? The sheer force of the sound sends painful vibrations through my body before I can think any further, and by the time it finally bleeds off, I realize that I am lying on my back over countless blades of grass. “Son of a bitch…” Well that was one hell of a way to wake up, now what was I supposed to do again?

 

Stretching my limbs out with a yawn, I feel the hand on my right give a painful crack. “Ow…” Now finally, time to greet the day! Sitting up straight, the first thing I register is the amount of red surrounding me; dozens if not hundreds of flowers cover almost every centimeter of the ground–and I'm quite sure I’ve trampled a few underneath myself too. No sign of my car, which is odd; I’m pretty certain I was driving before I clocked out, else how would I have gotten here?

 

While my brain stews in its own musings, my eyes turn upwards, and despite the blinding glare of the sun I spot something spinning through the air towards- thunk. “-FUCK!” In between my legs–inches from my body–a long, needle-like dagger is embedded firmly into the ground; one I vaguely remember holding in my dream. The implications are lost on me, however, when I feel an object slam into the back of my skull with an audible thwack. “Agh, not again…” Why god? Why me?

 

After taking a moment to find my bearings for the second time today, I use my arm to wipe away the crust and tears from my eyes, causing it to flare with pain. “Ow! Now what?” I bring it close, and there it is; friction burns stretching across from my bicep to my wrist, at exactly the places I was bound by in my dream. Was it real then? I scratch at my itching neck and feel the same burning pain sensation spread across it.

 

“No way, what the fuck happened?” With a gasp, I check my other arm; raw bruise marks decorate it, with my hand red, swollen, and forearm veins bulging from when I had previously gripped the dagger. The dagger, which is still very much there in front of me. Ignoring the protests of my battered arms, I rise to my feet before crouching over the stuck weapon. Pulling with my uninjured left, I struggle and pull at the hilt–digging out the blade one inch at a time. It loosens as clumps of grass are displaced, still stubbornly refusing to part with the earth.

 

With no choice left, my right hand joins in on the grip, and I give it a final tug; the stiletto frees itself just as I let out a hiss of pain, trying to ignore the throbbing across my abused limb to instead focus on my find.

 

The silvery blade is about as long as my forearm, thinning as it reaches the tip, and affixed to a modest hilt. Spiralling carvings snake along the steel, ending at a pommel engraved with an image of the very flowers surrounding me. It feels fairly light compared to its appearance, and I take a few test swings with it, satisfied with how it feels in my grip. Seems like it won’t be at its best when slashing, however. Judging by the shape of the blade, it looks much more suitable for stabbing.

 

A glint of gold catches my attention while I admire the stiletto, and upon focusing, I realize what gave me that mini concussion earlier: a shiny coin, sitting on the ground. As I move down to grab it, I notice more of the same currency scattered around me, most of it the same sparkling golden as the first, with a few smaller ones in the mix. Bringing it to eye level, I can see it’s…a five-hundred yen coin? What on earth?

 

“Hey.” A voice speaks from behind, and I quickly snap to a stand to face the stranger. Dark hair, and a browned face greet me as I step back to take in the rest of his attire. Rocking a biker jacket over a plain white shirt, faded jeans, and with a crowbar resting in his gloved hands, he looks every bit like someone I shouldn’t be talking to. “What’s your name?” He asks.

 

“Joaquin, what about you?” He just stares at me in response. Maybe I was a bit too rude? I'd better-

 

“Sc.” Oh, nevermind then.

 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Sc. Are you from around here?” Doesn't hurt to be nice, after all.

 

“Do you know where we are?” He didn’t seem to hear me, or maybe he doesn’t want to answer? Well, whatever, I think I should stay polite; that crowbar does not look like it would be fun to feel against my bones.

 

“I don’t, sorry. I was actually wondering if you knew, because I didn't see any sign of my car.” At my denial he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone-I’m an idiot! How did I forget about my damn phone now of all times? Oh whatever, I’ll kick myself for it later–I need to get out of here first.

 

I turn on my phone and start dialing in my pin, stopping halfway when my gaze lands on the top of the screen. “No bars...” Okay, don’t panic. Call 000, their contact works regardless of service. I bring the device to my ear, and my paranoia slowly begins to rear its head; One beep, two beeps, and it continues to ring until an automated voice takes its place.

 

Where the hell would I have to be for the emergency service not to work? “Fuck, emergency services won’t work.” This is bad...

 

I turn to Sc, who seemed to have had the exact same idea. “Same here. 911 won’t pick up.”

 

“911?” What the hell is he doing, calling them? “You know their hotline doesn’t work in Australia right?” Man, why’s he looking at me like I grew a third head? Is he just that clueless, or something?

 

“We’re in America. What do you mean Australia?” I, what? America? This makes no sense, I couldn’t have driven here. The road I was taking wasn’t even done!

 

“No, man. I was just out on a drive, not a flight. Besides, how would I have made it to The States without a passport?” Yeah, there’s no way. This guy might be on something, no one sane calls themself Sc of all things. “You already failed to contact 911 too, so we’re definitely outside American soil right now.”

 

“Oh yeah, meatball? Then tell me where we are right now.” Well, fuck you! And why’s he getting closer? My hold on my weapon tightens, and he seems to notice–stopping dead in his tracks.

 

“Hey now, let’s calm down.” I don't wanna fight an American first thing in the afternoon. “I don’t know where we are, but it looks like we aren’t in either of our home countries. We should probably focus on finding a road, or some other landmark of civilization.”

 

“I guess that makes sense.” Oh thank god, no fighting for now. “You came up with the idea. So go ahead and lead the way then.” Well, sure. I don’t think I’d feel safe trusting this guy’s sense of direction anyways.

 

“Oh!” Right! I almost forgot. “Give me just a minute!” I get down on my knees and quickly start scooping up the yen coins still scattered across the ground. Counting them, there’s about five of the five-hundred, and three of the one-hundred variety.

 

“Can you be any slower, big guy?” Sc’s voice snaps me back to the task at hand. I pocket my meager wealth and rush over to where he’s still stood unmoving. “Finally, now let’s be quick and move fast.” I swear, if he didn’t have that crowbar…

 

I start walking in a random direction, with Sc soon following a few steps behind. The scenery stays as unassuming as ever; flowers, flowers, and more flowers with the occasional placement of peculiarly purple cherry trees to break up the monotony. There is the odd everyday item under some of them; mangled umbrellas, random tools rusted to uselessness, and–more worryingly–shattered remains of bones that I hope belonged to animals.

 

The atmosphere keeps getting more and more imposing, and moreover, my wounds keep getting unbelievably itchy–so I’m fairly glad when Sc tries to strike up a conversation. “Do you really know where you’re even going?” Even if it is a very pointless one.

 

“Not really, I’m just hoping we find something soon.” It doesn’t help that everything here looks the same. “What about you? How are you holding up?”

 

“I’m getting bored. We haven’t found anything helpful or useful so far.” Yeah, kind of losing hope myself… “You were right chubby, I really don’t think we can be in America.”

 

“What?” I turn my head to look at him. “What do you mean, ‘we can’t be in America’, man?” I thought we already had this conversation, and of course, another fat joke; is he trying to start something?

 

“Just think a bit about it.” He points to a few of the cherry trees in the distance. “Those trees aren’t from the US, I’m pretty sure.” Wait, now that he mentions it…

 

“You might be onto something, Sc.” I start fishing around in my pocket for the change I picked up before, pulling out a hundred-yen coin to show to him. “I found this when I woke up, too: a yen coin. I’m also pretty sure cherry blossom trees are found in Asia.” Wait a minute. I pause, fully turning to face my companion. “Actually–now that I think about it–we might be in Japan!” A bit far-fetched, but what else do we really have to go off?

 

Sc seems fairly surprised to hear this. Before he can really respond, however, the loud Bang of a gunshot tears through the air like a firecracker. Both of us flinch at the sound, turning our gazes to the direction it came from a moment later. “You heard that too, right?” Pretty sure I’m not mistaken, but…

 

“Yeah, sounds like a gunshot.” Well, that’s just dandy. Nothing but flowers and trash, and the first sign of life is gunshots! “We should probably check it out. They could know where we are.” Is this man serious?

 

“Let’s maybe not do that?” Approaching gunfire in the middle of nowhere is a one way ticket to the news headlines. “They could be dangerous, and besides, if they’re already firing, they're definitely in trouble.”

 

“Yeah, but finding anyone right now would be good. We’re already lost, and we have nothing on us.” He makes a good point, actually. We haven’t really gotten anywhere, have we? “Trust me.”

 

“Alright, you make a sound argument.” I shift my body to face towards the direction we heard the shot from, nudging Sc forwards. “You’re leading, though, since it's your idea.” There’s no way I’m taking the front, man.

 

Thankfully, he seems to accept my reasoning without any more snide remarks. I strafe until he’s more or less in front of me, and we begin jogging towards what I hope are friendly folk. Barely a few minutes pass before I see it. A rural path splits the grassy fields ahead of us, snaking along into the distance with twists and turns every so often. Man, we were stupidly off course. I slow down for a second to catch my breath, but Sc continues running forward. Wait, why’s he changing direction?

 

“Woah, wait up!” I get my ass back in gear after him. “Where the hell are you going?” Coming up next to him, I try to get his attention to no avail. Man’s eyes are locked straight ahead, and he speeds up even more as I try to grab his shoulder. “Dude, what’s wrong?”

 

“Look, there’s the people we were looking around for.” What’s he- Oh. Following his gaze, I move a bit to the side to get a proper view–just in time to notice two people. One is looking our way, saying something I can’t quite make out while the one in camo is crouched over what looks to be an animal carcass. As we get within earshot, he looks up, hastily getting up before pointing the barrel of his gun right at us.

 

“Woah, hey dude! We’re not looking for trouble!” I shout as he starts taking aim, making sure to stand completely still. “We just want to talk, so how about you put the gun down?” I knew it. I knew this was a stupid idea.

 

“Drop your weapons!” The gunman shouts. “Before I fucking shoot you both.” Immediately, I drop my dagger onto the soil–Sc’s crowbar joins it with a thud soon after. “Good, now talk. One wrong move, and both of your fucking lives will end right here.”

 

“Easy, man. We’re a bit lost…and we were hoping you could tell us where we are.” I say that, but I don’t think he’s in any mood to help. I raise my hands in surrender–just in case–before speaking again. “Please? We just want to go home.”

 

He stays silent, looking me over while I do the same to him. A bit on the taller side, with messy black hair, a small moustache, and stubble adorning his spectacled face. His body looks fairly average, but the clothing is just plain weird. An army green jacket over a white shirt, and camo pants for some reason? All in all, the blackened combat boots seem like the most practical part of the attire. I’m so caught up in gawking at his getup that I nearly miss what the other guy's saying.

 

“Hey uh, Joe? Let’s hear them out.” He seems to be avoiding eye contact with us while he mumbles, staring instead at the carcass at Joe’s feet. “We could use the help…” He isn’t too abnormally tall–a good head or so shorter than me, with a pair of glasses and a thin beard–but that grey hoodie of his casts a lanky figure. The rest of his gear further sells the image; some pale trousers and some red sneakers, along with a frying pan…?

 

Another minute of silence stretches on before Joe speaks again, just as I finish my examination. “Fine. Approach us, slowly–and don’t try anything funny while you’re at it.” Don’t need to tell me twice. Inching closer, I stare at the blood still slowly pooling from the corpse at his feet–courtesy of a bullet wound in its side–before snapping my gaze back to the duo of strangers. “Tell me your names.”

 

“I’m Joaquin Bell,” I nod to myself. “And my friend here is...” Don't say something stupid, please.

 

“Sean Crowley.” The fuck? That has to be a pseudonym; what dumbass names their kid Sean Crowley? “Just S.C is fine though.” Simply amazing work... I would applaud your genius if I weren’t being threatened right now.

 

“What about you guys?” Joe’s gun lowers, and my arms follow suit as he takes a deep breath.

 

“Joe.” I see, good talk. Turning to the other one, the dude is fidgeting with his hands, murmuring something under his breath.

 

“I’m, um. Nomura, yeah.” He gives us a nervous smile after finally catching my gaze. At least he seems friendly, if a tad shy. “So… You guys are lost?”

 

“Yes, we woke up here.” Sc starts. “We don’t know, but we already tried calling the Australia and America hotlines.”

 

“Same here…” Nomura looks pretty worried. “I was taking a nap after uni, but then I woke up here. Ah, I had work today too…” Yikes.

 

“I’m guessing the same thing happened to you?” I turn to Joe.

 

“Yeah. Just woke up in the middle of nowhere with this guy.” He points his thumb at Nomura. “Then this fucking dog thing attacks us out of nowhere.” Well that clears things up. I glance at the body again, which looks nothing like any dog I’ve ever seen. Might be a wild breed, if those big fangs and bristly fur are any indication.

 

“Well, it looks like we’re in the same boat then.” I gesture to them. “What do you think about teaming up with us?” Joe seems a bit overly aggressive, but it would be smart to stick together if we’re really stranded, and more people than just Sc to talk to would be nice.

 

“That sounds like a good idea!” Nomura’s up for it at the very least. “...What do you think, Joe?” He turns to his companion with a sheepish expression.

 

Joe looks like he’s having a tough time deciding, twitching his facial muscles every so often while his eyes stay on the gun he’s fiddling with. After a couple seconds of thinking, though, his face relaxes as he reaches a decision. “Fine, then. It’s better than getting eaten alive by these fucking things if I go alone.”

 

Alrighty then! “Great! I uh, see you found a road?” I stare into the distance. “Is this where you two came from?” Would be a shame if that was a dead end.

 

“Oh! Not really...” Nomura pipes up. “That dog attacked us right after we got here, too.” It could be worth following then…

 

“Speaking of which,” Sc speaks as he walks past me. “We should get moving fast. It’s almost going to be night soon.” Oh actually- Yeah the sun’s over halfway past the sky. Shit, we’ll really need to hustle at this rate.

 

“More dogs are probably going to come soon, too.” Joe joins Sc. “Get your weapons. Quick.” He points back to my stiletto and Sc’s crowbar.

 

“Oh, right!” I nearly forgot about them in the excitement. We rush on over and grab our respective metal sticks, joining Joe–and Nomura–soon after.

 

The path is pretty awful all things considered; It’s uneven, overgrown, and half the time seems to bend for no apparent reason. Still, no one has tried to stray from it after Sc tried to take a shortcut and nearly tripped face-first over a skull. Now he's busy trying to talk to Joe, who looks more than a bit ticked off.

 

I don’t particularly feel like dealing with the shenanigans occurring up front, so I let myself fall behind until I’m walking right next to Nomura instead. He hums to himself while idly inspecting his pan. “Hey, Nomura?”

 

“Hm?” The humming stops as he turns to focus on me instead. “What did you want to ask me?” The pan is lowered, though he doesn’t seem to be keen on loosening his death grip on it.

 

“Oh uh, just wanted to ask about your pan.” His hold relaxes. “Why are you carrying that around? Wouldn’t something else be better as a weapon?”

 

“Actually…" The man pauses for a few seconds. "...This pan is special to me.” He raises it to give me a closer look. There’s a lot of wear and tear on the interior; scorch marks and scratches, that kind of stuff. The apparatus is quickly lowered before Nomura continues. “I uh...really like cooking! So I don’t want to just throw this away, you know?” I nod. Well, that’s fair, I suppose. “And don’t worry about weapons!” He reaches into his trouser pocket and pulls out a knife. Huh. “I’ve got it covered...” He says with a big smile. It isn’t much, but at least he’s got his bases covered.

 

“Oh! Alright then.” Might as well get to know him, as long as we’re travelling together. “Say, you got any other hobbies besides cooking?”

 

“Well...I uh, watch anime? Mostly, action ones, and magical girls!” He’s getting extra fidgety but his gaze shifts to look at my face instead. “I really like history too; I played a lot of historical games, like Hearts of Iron Four!” Oh...one of those guys, I see.

 

That is a bit of a sad set of hobbies, but he looks quite excited, so I just settle for a grin of my own. “That’s pretty cool, man! I like to play competitive games myself, and I play the violin with some piano on the side.” Though I haven’t practised in a bit… “So you’ve got the knife and the pan, do I assume you have some ingredients too?” Some cheese perchance?

 

“About that, hehe…” Nevermind then. “I don’t have any ingredients on me, sorry…” Of course you wouldn’t, my mistake, man. Only insane people carry ingredients with their dollar store kitchen knife and century-old pan. “But don’t worry! I’m sure we’ll find something to eat soon.” Out here? A bit optimistic, isn’t it?

 

“Eh, I guess.” No use dwelling on it, then. “Did you see anything interesting before we met up? That dog back there looked pretty weird.” I don’t think wild dogs were quite that big?

 

“Yeah, it attacked me and Joe barely a few minutes after we met…” Sc and I might have gotten lucky then. “It was out here sniffing around near the road.” Yeah, really lucky. I don’t think we would’ve gotten off scot free against that bulky mutt.

 

“There weren’t any on our end, and we were walking for a good while.” Nothing but trees and flowers, thankfully. “We did see some old junk lying around though. That and some uh, bones.”

 

Nomura looks a bit more nervous hearing that last bit. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that? “W-well, that’s normal right? The dogs have to eat other animals…” Yeah but those remains didn’t look very animal to me; not that I’m going to correct the man. “-oh Look!” I follow the direction he’s pointing in with my eyes, and there does seem to be some sort of structure jutting out from the now grassy plains in the distance; something I might have missed if the sun wasn’t almost gone by now. “It might be a village!” Good eye Nomura!

 

The guys up front haven’t noticed yet, so I shout the message to them too and soon enough, we’re moving double time to get to the village as fast as we can. We still don’t dare to traverse the foliage however, and despite our best efforts night falls halfway across our trek. Even with the moon shining clear in the sky there’s barely enough light to see a couple meters ahead of us, but the village glows brightly like a beacon in the night.

 

“How far are we?” I direct towards the group. “I’m starving.” It’s been hours and I still haven’t eaten a scrap of food, not to mention the fact that we’ve spent half the day on our feet…

 

“Shut up.” Joe, as usual, isn’t in the mood for talking. “We’re getting there when we get there. Save your energy for walking.” I really need something to focus on aside from wandering, anything at all!

 

Just as I say that someone trips and slams into the dirt, accompanied by the metallic clang of a pan. Nomura lets out a pained grunt when I stop to help him up–and he’s hurt his foot. “Ow, I think my ankle’s twisted…”

 

The rest of us gather around him to check the extent of the damage, and it is most definitely sprained. “Not good at all…” We won’t be making it to the village anytime soon, that’s for sure. “Should we take a rest here? It should get a bit better by morning.” No use moving at a crawl through the night.

 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ve got this.” Sc leans over and picks Nomura up like a toddler, slinging him across his shoulder. “Come on, we’re wasting time here.” Nevermind then? Nomura looks a bit too embarrassed to protest, and neither Joe nor I have a better idea, so we roll with it.

 

Another couple of minutes pass, bringing with them more hunger pangs, and I’m about to lose it. I prepare to ask Nomura if he has anything edible on him–just in case he forgot something–when my wish for change is granted. Padding movement disturbs the fields either side of us, accompanied by the growling and panting of canines. Fuck.

 

“We’re surrounded!” Sc yells, as the cacophony of shifting grass slows to a steady crunching–growls devolving into snarls. “Get together, don’t leave your back open.” Wasn’t planning on it.

 

I reorient myself so that the path is in front of me and the overgrowth either side of it is in my peripheral vision, slowly edging closer to Joe and Sc. The wolves haven’t tried anything, but better not to take any chances. “Hey guys, how many are there on your side?” We might be able to scare them off?

 

“Two on this side, and there are probably more.” Joe says, hopefully aware of the odds. “We need to run.” Thank god, we’re going to live. “You better get ready to start running.”

 

Not a moment later and we bolt, Sc and Joe leading the charge with Nomura in tow while I bring up the rear again. The pack has given up all incentive of stealth by now and there are no less than eight of the things hot on our heels. They’re taking me first at this rate.

 

“Joe, you have a gun. Use it!” My legs were not made to run a marathon at full sprint! “They’re not letting up, and I don’t think I can keep up for the rest of the way!” They haven't gained on us yet, but I have a bad feeling. From the peeks I’ve chanced, the wolves are just about keeping pace with us, and I’m pretty sure they’ve gotten farther and farther apart each time…

 

“I don’t have enough bullets for them all!” Yeah, you’re just saying that because you aren’t in the back!

 

I turn back once more–and now half of the pack is missing. The remaining ones are spread out across the path, and I think I can take a guess as to where the rest are going...

 

“There are some fields up ahead! We’re almost there.” Just a bit more to go, but it isn’t meant to be. The missing half of the wolves slips out of the tall grass up ahead, ready to intercept us and cut off all hope of reaching the village.

 

We’re so screwed. Nomura even takes the moment to come out of his catatonic state to scream, “I see water, right there!” He’s pointing into the thick greenery, where some moonlight is shimmering before the fields.

 

Going off the path seems like a death wish, even without it being the dead of night, but we don’t have a choice at this point. “Guys, through the grass!” I yell, changing trajectory and diving into the plants. I can’t hear anything beyond the crunching and swishing of grass as I run completely blinded, uselessly swinging my blade around to clear away the few patches of plant life weak enough to be cut; I can only hope that the others are behind me.

 

Vision returns to me as I burst through the last of the flora, just in time to trip from a change in ground level. The fall lands me on my shoulder, and the dagger nearly flies out of my other arm as water permeates my lower clothing. “Ouch…” This day sucks. At least I made it to the river, though I feel like it’s narrow enough to classify as a canal. Right then, almost to civilization! I get up as best I can with my throbbing shoulder and stumble out of the water. “God, it’s cold…” What season is it even? With my luck, it might be winter or something…

 

My moment of respite is interrupted by the grass shifting on the other side; two of my companions emerge–third in tow–and both of the bastards make the jump across the canal just as the pack follows. “Holy shit! We actually made it!” Joe pants out. The wolves aren’t following us, though, maybe for- Oh shit, they're looping around!

 

“Guys they’re circling around!” I start hauling ass. “The sooner we get going the better!” Sc follows–surprisingly unwinded by all the running–while Joe takes a moment to catch up, looking quite exhausted.

 

“I thought w-we were done for!” Nomura’s more animated now, probably the adrenaline acting up. “You’re really strong S.C…” Yeah, no kidding, how much does this guy work out?

 

“Thanks. But we need to move faster.” With that, the man starts jogging again. How the fuck?

 

Joe and I keep a slower pace, neither in the mood to really talk, when howls and barks carry through the air again. All of us are shy of outright booking it again–mostly due to our dwindling stamina–but the pack is covering ground a bit too fast for my liking.

 

Not to fear, the village walls are only a few meters away at most, but where’s the gate? “Cross the river on the west! The gate’s on the other side!” We’re about to die out here with any luck, but whatever.

 

We hurry along the wall, the wolves cutting distance with every minute passing. Only when they’re almost upon us do we reach the river, and at that point we just leap into the chilly stream.

 

“Gah!” I can feel the cold through my bones! Sc surfaces next to me, followed shortly by Joe and Nomura, a ways away. “You g-guys alright?”

 

“I feel like shit.” Joe’s waddling through the current. “At least it’s gonna be done soon.” Looks like it anyways.

 

“Guys, I’m gonna need some more help here.” Nomura hobbles along, pretty uncomfortably till Sc moves to help him. “Thanks…”

 

The wolves still haven’t followed us in, and they’re actually retreating when I turn to check; finally, talk about persistent. The rest of the journey across the river is fairly uneventful–and we make it out without too much fuss. I can see the light of what I assume to be the gate from here, and as we get closer there’s shouting from the walls above. The guards at the entrance whip out their weapons in our direction before relaxing at our probably miserable appearance. “Get in, quickly.” One of them ushers us in as the gate opens before returning to his post. “Find wherever to sleep for now, and get yourselves sorted in the morning.”

 

The inside of the village isn’t much easier to navigate than the outside; buildings of varying shapes and sizes are set at varying intervals, with little regard for traversal or organization in mind. All in all, the place looks medieval levels of impoverished.

 

The place seems interesting enough, but I’m bone tired–and I doubt any of us feels up to explore so we just settle into the first alley we can find before collapsing in a heap. The air is still cold as hell, but I’m not the one sleeping next to the opening so it’s bearable.

 

As sleep begins to tug at my fatigued body, I hear Nomura calling out next to me. “Good night, everyone, have sweet dreams.”

 

“Love you guys, no homo.” Sc adds, for some damned reason.

 

“Shut the fuck up. Go to sleep.” Joe’s voice retorts, moments before I find myself gently drifting into a dreamless sleep.

 

Notes:

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