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Sometimes Matt doesn't want to go on.
It's never anything in particular that gets him down, but he's tired all the time. The cowl weighs heavy on his head and the past weighs heavy on his soul and it gets harder and harder every day to get up and face the world. It's so cold here in the city. The shadows and the rain leech the heat from his bones, leaving him dull and grey. More and more often he falls into bed at night unable to remember what it feels like to be warm.
How easy would it be, he wonders, to simply let go? He wouldn't need to do anything special, just stop dodging.
Every now and then he pauses for a moment, barely fraction of a beat, and closes his eyes. Maybe he won't dodge this time. Maybe he'll finally let everything come to an end. Possibility crackles electric over his skin and he savours the bitter tang of it rushing over his tongue.
Before he makes his decision, though, Karen's words ring loud and hollow in his ears.
"Never stop doing what you do, Matt."
His heart throbs and he dodges the bullet, makes the jump, lets the speeding car thunder down the street and pass him by, because he remembers that he isn't allowed to make this decision, not anymore. He lost that right when she died for his sins, died for loving him.
So he lives on, loving her, pushing forward as penance for his failure. One day he will see her again, his Karen, his angel. Until that time comes, this is the only way that he can say 'I love you'.
He wonders if she can hear him.