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Derek thinks there’s a fine line between love and hate. He’s a poet after all, and incurable romanticism tends to come with the territory. So it’s probably a good thing that he met Dex.
They still argue. They’ve been together for six months, sneaking around while flirting blatantly and still fighting fighting fighting. Bitty knows (which means Jack knows too), but he’d known right off the bat. They’d told Chowder before winter break; because there’s only one secret either of them can keep from Chowder. They hadn’t even meant to keep it hidden, but it just works better this way for now. They can figure themselves out without having to focus on others.
So their parents don’t know.
This doesn’t stop Dex from taking the first weekend off he can over the summer. He jumps in his beat up car and drives with fervour to New York, to the extravagant brownstone where Derek sits now, reading Neruda in his underwear. It’s just a thing he does, ok? There’s no reason for it whatsoever.
He answers the door still clad only in his tightest black boxer-briefs, totally shameless, and is incredibly pleased by the deep flush on Dex’s face, which he knows goes all the way down, and the widening of his pupils. His eyes are rolling but Derek smirks anyway, and Dex only waits to shut the door behind him before jumping Derek with enthusiasm. Derek fucking missed this. They’ve only been apart for two weeks but it’s a shock going from sharing a living space to being hundreds of miles apart. Dex has been on the boat with limited cell reception a lot, and is usually too tired to skype, so Derek has been thirsting for contact that sparse texts and promises couldn’t provide.
It’s here now though, and he’s hardly going to waste it. He lifts Dex bodily off the floor, ass firm in his hands. Dex is a big guy though, and he knows he can’t hold this for long, just takes the opportunity to slam him against the nearest wall.
Dex grunts. He’s going to have bruises in the morning. Derek is usually pretty gentle when they have sex, he loves watching Dex fall apart under butterfly kisses and soft caresses, but it’s been too long and he’s impatient.
“You asshole,” Dex mutters. “For fuck’s sake, I missed your stupid face.”
Derek hums and kisses him harder, one hand still pressed between Dex’s ass and the wall, the other coming up to cradle his jaw, trace those ridiculously endearing ears. Dex bites down on his lower lip and tugs at his hair the way Derek loves. Fuck he forgot how good this gets, when they’re so in tune with each other it’s like everything becomes an extension of self.
“So anyway,” they’re slowing down just a little and Derek remembers how to form words again, how to breathe right. “Hi, babe.”
“Hi,” Dex turns them so Derek is now groaning against the wall and proceeds to maul his neck. “I can’t believe you texted me to say your parents weren’t home.”
“I can’t believe you showed up on my door a few hours later,” Derek breathes. Dex is working hard at the junction between his neck and shoulder, and it’s a little hard to concentrate. “I guess we’re both a little desperate.”
“Damn right.”
Derek lets the devastation of his clavicle continue for another minute before gently pulling Dex away to just stare at him for a minute. Hair an irresistible mess, all blush and freckles over pale skin, and those fucking eyes. Derek has heard dozens of people praise him for his eyes, they’re unusual and he supposes nice enough, but he doesn’t understand why no one ever randomly complements Dex on these amber gems. He could get lost in those eyes and never want out of that smooth golden honey warmth. He’s running out of adjectives here.
“I have something to tell you,” Derek breathes, and he bends forward to pull Dex’s earlobe into his mouth, feeling the shiver this incites. He loves doing this. Dex is the one who’s really loud in bed, but he’s less with the words and more with the incoherent moans. It’s really fucking hot, and Derek can never help the stuff that comes out of his mouth, whether it be a sappy litany of I love yous or a chirp or literal poetry. His favourite though, is coming out with something dirty, in that low voice he knows from experience makes Dex fucking crazy. So he moans I want you to open me up and fuck me right in Dex’s ear and just waits for the inevitable reaction.
It doesn’t disappoint. Dex immediately lets out an unholy sound and brings his leg up around Derek’s waist. There’s no way he can’t feel how hard Derek is, and Derek can’t have that luxury but he doesn’t need it, not with the way Dex is sending out signals, his entire body so blatantly turned on.
“Jesus fuck,” Dex breathes hot into Derek’s mouth. “Nursey…”
“I’m serious, babe,” Derek meets his eyes again and keeps his gaze. Dex looks a little unsure and that’s not cool. “I bought something for you.”
Derek has seen Dex in various shades of red, but he’s never seen him blush like this, goddamn. He smirks as Dex splutters and gasps.
“Derek,” he whines. “Holy shit, really?”
“Of course,” Derek kisses him hard and closed mouthed, reassuring. “You have no idea how badly I want this.”
He knows Dex has wanted this too. He knows enough about Dex to be aware that he likes to be in control, unless he’s getting eaten out and then all bets are off, and Dex had told him about his fling with the cute blonde, who’d let him fuck her and still featured in his fantasies. When the raging jealousy wore off Derek realised he really wanted to be fucked by one William J Pointdexter.
So he prepared a bit.
Dex goes back to making sure Derek won’t be able to go out in a tank tomorrow, teeth and spit and smooth lips over heated skin. Derek takes the opportunity to steer Dex towards his room. They bump into the doorway but otherwise make it there unscathed. Dex looks up and then, unfortunately, is immediately distracted.
Derek doesn’t think his room is anything special. He’s usually very messy but he’d made sure to clean up when he first texted Dex to come over. He likes to decorate but Dex already knows that, it’s the same kind of stuff he has up at the Haus. Except –
Oh right, Dex immediately pulls away and gravitates towards the door to Derek’s walk in robe. It’s covered in photos. The older ones mostly feature his moms, and a miniature Derek with friends he barely even remembers the names of, who he’s sure were very important to him at the time, three years old and throwing mud cakes. He’d been an average looking kid until the end of middle school, and Dex outright laughs when he sees Derek’s longhaired angsty 12-year-old phase. The photos started getting more frequent as he got older, and by the time he graduated from high school he had almost run out of space, so all the shots of the guys laughing at Faber and Derek’s English major friends lying out by the lake and Bitty baking at the Haus and Chowder giggling about something or other, and Dex and Dex and Dex, are layered over the top. They’re shitty iPhone photos, but Derek has never cared about that. He’s not a photographer; he just likes the reminder while he’s cooped up in here. It gets pretty empty. Sometimes.
Dex turns back and kisses him again, arms curling around Derek’s neck.
“You are such a sap, holy shit,” he’s grinning uncontrollably though and Derek knows he’s touched. “I don’t know how anyone ever takes you seriously.”
“Being a six foot two hockey player helps,” Derek demonstrates by lifting Dex, again, and setting him down on the bed. The edge has been taken off and everything is softer now. Derek loves it, feeds off the way Dex finds himself in the TLC.
They’ve never done this in a reasonably sized bed before, always fumbling and squirming on Derek’s bottom bunk or in hotel rooms or a few times in the bathroom at the Haus, only once in the locker room (though if anybody asks, they would never). Derek takes advantage and splays his limbs, trailing hands over Dex’s long pale arms, pressing harder at the tender spots where veins come near the surface, where skin is clear of freckles and pale as snow. He laces their fingers together and they just make out for an eternity. There’s no hurry here, not in this big empty house with parents days away and the rest of the world behind closed doors. Derek groans into his boyfriend’s mouth and feels Dex let out an answering moan, gently pressing a thigh against Derek’s hardness. It’s not long before they’re loose and sweating, Dex sinking pliant into the sheets and Derek moving sinuously over him, finding some kind of rhythm.
“Babe,” Derek whispers. “Do you want to keep going like this or…”
Dex’s eyes flash at the suggestion. That raw, coiled strength he has in spades suddenly makes itself known again as he flips them and Derek is the one drifting in pleasure on soft sheets.
“Derek, you have no idea,” Dex bites down loosely on his pulse point and Derek twitches, breathing hard. “How much I want to fuck you until you can’t even speak.”
Derek just about shuts down at that, because Jesus Christ how did he get so lucky? He’s so turned on he can barely focus enough to remember where the stuff is and pull away from Dex to rummage through his bedside drawer.
“Are you not worried you moms might find these?” Dex asks, bemused as Derek dumps lube, condoms and toys on the bed.
“Well, they’d have to explain their own,” Derek says before leaning back in for another heated kiss. “Can we not talk about my moms right now please? There’s something I’d much rather be doing.”
“Right,” Dex’s flush seeps down over his chest. When had he lost his shirt? Derek doesn’t even remember that happening. “Um, I’ve never…”
“It’s ok,” Derek lays back, pulling Dex with him. “It’s not my first time.”
“Weirdly enough, that doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“Just means I can walk you through it, okay babe?”
Dex hums and starts fiddling with the bottle of lube.
“Do I do this first, or…”
“Uh, well I mean I’ve never used a strap on, actually. I think you could put it on first, I’ll probably get impatient when you finger me.”
Dex drops the bottle. Derek is used to being frank and open about sex but it never fails to delight him when Dex is surprised. He stammers a bit and then reaches for his jeans, sliding them off quickly, boxer-briefs following.
There’s some fiddling with the straps, but it’s a pretty straightforward model and Dex has done this before, Derek remembers. Seeing Dex poised over him, miles of pale freckled skin, and the black prosthetic nestled comfortably among that thatch of dull red hair does things to Derek. There’s no way Dex doesn’t notice how his cock swells and his breathing starts to come more shallowly. Fuck but he’s wanted this.
“Ok babe,” he manages to form words as Dex is opening the bottle of lube. He gets it everywhere while Derek slips off his underwear but it’s not like they’re not going to have to clean the sheets anyway. “Warm it up between your fingers and then just… one at a time, go slow alright?”
“I know the basics,” Dex huffs as he rubs his fingers together, lube slick over long thin digits. Derek is not a patient man.
Dex leans in to kiss him before testing out the waters. He jerks Derek’s cock gently a few times before looking down to move slowly over his perineum, pressing just enough to make Derek squirm before circling his hole.
“Fuck, Will…”
Hearing his name seems to be enough to give Dex his confidence, and he presses in gently. Derek breathes through the strange feeling; he knows it’ll get better in a few seconds. Dex is being agonisingly slow, and Derek is close to telling him to get on with it already when he eases out slightly and then pushes all the way in, crooking his finger and searching until oh.
Derek lets out a litany of fucks as Dex keeps at him, gently nudging his prostate and watching Derek’s face avidly the whole time. Derek can imagine what he looks like, and he loves watching Dex come apart himself, flush and mouth open over a silent moan, eyes squeezed shut as all of the sensation gets to be too much.
Dex leans down to kiss him as he cautiously adds a second finger. The stretch is starting to feel really fucking good and Nursey whines into his mouth.
“Fuck, babe, faster, please.”
Dex complies and soon a third finger joins the others, Derek groaning through it as he eases over his prostate on every thrust.
“Will, Will you have to stop if you don’t want me to come right now,” he breathes. Dex is watching him again, pupils blown wide. His fingers come out all at once and the loss feels strange. But a second later Dex has folded a condom over the strap on and slicked it up hastily with lube, jerking it a couple of times to warm it up. Derek watches him, rapt as Dex is so clearly affected by everything laid out before him.
Nursey grabs a cushion and slips it under his ass, folding his knees up to his chest. Dex watches him with a smirk and he can feel a blush growing.
“I literally do not care at all how much Ransom and Holster chirped me about doing yoga, if it means I can do this without straining a muscle.”
“I think that’s fair,” Dex poises himself over him and takes a deep breath, Derek slipping his legs over those compact, freckled shoulders. “This is worth a fuckton of chirps.”
They’re silent for the next part, not really knowing what they would say, even if they weren’t content with the muffled noise of New York traffic in the distance and the sharp sound of their breathing. Dex fits himself to Derek’s entrance and then Derek eases onto him, holding their gazes the whole time. Derek feels the temptation to shut his eyes against the swell of heat but he doesn’t want to miss anything, just keeps staring back up at Dex. The amber iris burns in a narrow ring around his endless pupils, Dex’s breathing is coming out fast and he moans quietly. All that seems to exist in that moment is the feel of not-quite-Dex inside him, every point of contact, the overwhelmingly loud sound of their breath mingling in sharp pants, and the sight of Dex above him, so fucking beautiful Derek honestly can’t believe that people don’t think he’s attractive, that anyone could see him and not think he’s practically ethereal. Derek’s reality narrows down to the here and now, nothing is beyond this and he doesn’t want anything beyond this.
Then Dex moves and it’s practically incandescent, lighting Derek up from the inside with pleasure, and he can’t keep his eyes open anymore, shuts them tight in order to hold on to the waves of sensation. Dex kisses him, but it’s more like they’re gasping into each other’s mouths, every now and again one of them will let out a noise and it’ll just make things hotter, more desperate.
Dex has started moving in earnest pretty quickly, and he’s soon clutching at Derek’s sweaty hair, groaning into his mouth. Derek knows that he’s probably getting some physical stimulation from the strap on, but a lot of it is just Dex’s reaction to him. To him writhing and shaking when Dex hits the right angle, to him getting so much out of this he can’t believe they didn’t try months ago.
“Fuck, Will,” Derek can hardly breathe but he needs to talk, needs to let Dex know how much he’s enjoying this. “I love you so much, I need you, shit, babe you feel so fucking good. I just need you to keep fucking me, keep going baby, fuck.”
“Derek,” Will moans right back and just holds on. “Jesus fucking Christ you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“You’re so fucking beautiful, baby you don’t even know, you can’t understand how lucky I am oh my god touch me please…”
Dex reaches down and takes him in hand. He’s gotten to know exactly what Derek likes and it’s not long before he’s right on the edge, so overcome with the onslaught of ecstasy that he can’t even warn Dex before he’s coming harder than he ever has in his life. The backs of his eyelids explode into colour as everything tightens and expands inside of him, that culmination of sensation almost breaking him in half. Dex fucks him through it, lips sliding messily over Derek’s cheeks.
He comes down from the high slowly, with shaking breaths and limbs. His cheeks feel wet and yeah it’s still embarrassing but after the third time Dex promised to stop chirping Derek for crying during sex. He has a lot of very poetic feelings, ok?
“You back with me?” Dex whispers, still placing light kisses to Derek’s jaw. He eases Derek’s legs down from his shoulders.
“Yeah,” Derek claims his mouth in a searing, open kiss and then rests their foreheads together. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Sometimes they manage to save the chirping for later. Derek knows that the people close to them would be surprised at how honest they can be in these situations, but everything feels so gorgeous and loose that when they open their mouths nothing apart from the truth spills out. “It scares me a bit, actually.”
“That’s ok,” Derek sighs and wraps his arms around Dex. “It scares me too.”
They lay there for a few seconds before Derek realises he’s missing something.
“Shit, babe, do you want me to – ” he reaches down and notices that Dex has already taken off the strap on at some point, it’s lying at the foot of the bed. Fuck, he must have been pretty out of it.
“I’m so close, sweetheart,” Dex doesn’t use pet names often but when he does it sets Derek’s nerve endings on fire. “I just need a little…”
Derek complies easily, kissing Dex as he leans down to massage his clit. It’s only a minute before Dex is straining and breathing hard into Nursey’s mouth, not even two before he seizes up and squirms, moaning long and hard as Derek whispers encouragements.
Afterward they lie in silence, Derek grabs a tissue and mops himself up so that Dex can lie on his chest without a repeat of their first time. They’re still sweaty and sticky and overheated but neither of them wants to move.
“I missed you so bad,” Dex murmurs, tracing patterns on Derek’s shoulder. “It was only two weeks but I hated it. Going home is never great and I always miss Chowder and Bitty and the guys but fuck it was hell not talking to you.”
“I missed you too,” Derek keeps his eyes on the pale ceiling. “I kept wanting to text you and then remembering you were out on that stupid boat. I get why and it’s fine, babe, I know there’s things that I have to do but I don’t want to lie and say it doesn’t hurt.”
Dex curls up tighter in Derek’s arms.
“After I have my degree I can work things out. We can work things out.”
Neither of them mentions the assumption that they’re still going to be together a year from now. It seems like an inevitability to them, there’s no use in planning otherwise.
“Everything will be better,” Derek sighs and closes his eyes. He can feel himself drifting off. “We can just be us.”
Dex’s answering hum is the last thing he remembers before sliding into a comfortable doze. There’s promise in that gentle hum, promise and love like you wouldn’t believe.