Chapter Text
CHAPTER 1
𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟
𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟
Jisoo & Jeonghan — 2:45 PM
Jeonghan: SHUA.
Jeonghan: SHUA.
Jeonghan: JOSHUA
Jeonghan: JISOO FREAKING HONG. WHY THE HELL AREN’T YOU REPLYING???
Jeonghan: Alright. I swear I’m about to brutally murder you first and then swan dive off a cliff right after. I will make us both popular on the crime channel.
Jisoo: …wth.
Jeonghan: FINALLY.
Jisoo: What did I even do??
Jeonghan: Huh? oh Nothing.
Jisoo: “Nothing”? You literally just threatened to murder me.
Jeonghan: Well yeah. Obviously. How would I murder you after I jump off a cliff? That wouldn’t work.
Jisoo: I’m blocking you.
Jeonghan: WHAT?? NO.
Jeonghan: I dare you. Do it, and I will personally smear the stickiest, most rancid slime into your hair while you’re sleeping. You’ll have to shave your head and take hour-long bald showers to get the smell out.
Jisoo: …
Jisoo: …Alright. Let’s restart our delightful conversation.
Jisoo: So, Hannie sweetie, what is the heartbreaking reason you want to BRUTALLY murder me and then throw your beautiful self off a cliff? (Which would be such a shame!) I’m dying to know!!
Jeonghan: Because if I’m dying, I’m definitely taking you with me. Obviously.
Jisoo: I’m about to cutely throw my phone at the wall and cutely imagine it’s the face of a certain guy. Maybe the impact will bless him with some sense.
Jeonghan: I'm getting a vague passive-aggressive vibe from you. Must be my imagination.
Jeonghan: Anyway. I have terrible news.
Jisoo: Oh? Really?
Jeonghan: You know the captain of the soccer team, right?
Jisoo: I don’t.
Jeonghan: The one with the dark hair and those eyes.
Jisoo: Fabulous description. Very helpful
Jeonghan: Y’know, muscles?
Jisoo: Pretty sure muscles are a required part of the human body.
Jeonghan: CHOI. FUCKING. SEUNGCHEOL.
Jisoo: Ohhh
Jisoo: Just say his name then.
Jeonghan: Ew, no.
Jisoo: Just tell me what’s wrong
Jeonghan: Right! So, I share this required small class with him. And for that class… we got paired for a group project. With some other guy too.
Jisoo: That’s it?
Jeonghan: “That’s it”??? I HATE that guy.
Jeonghan: He’s the type of person I’d pelt with boiled eggs soaked in expired garlic sauce.
Jisoo: You seriously need professional help.
Jeonghan: And you need to take “How To Be a Better Best Friend” classes. I’m here confessing my life crisis, planning to romantically die with you, and you can’t even offer emotional support??
Jisoo: I need to check my blood pressure.
Jeonghan: Huh? Why?
Jisoo: I think I’m getting actual health problems dealing with you.
Jeonghan: Aw, Shua, I didn’t know I had such a big effect on you. Lowkey blushing rn. (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)
Jisoo: Why the hell do you hate that Seungcheol guy anyway? He doesn’t seem that bad.
Jeonghan: Yeah, of course you’d say that. You’re too young to understand he’s literally the devil disguised in angel’s clothing.
Jisoo: First of all, I’m only a few months younger than you (and still ten years more mature). Second, that description fits a very specific longhaired someone else much better.
Jeonghan: Alright, my child, let me explain. You know I was planning to create a basketball team, right?
Jisoo: Yeah. But it didn’t work because of budget and no space.
Jeonghan: EXACTLY. Guess who went to the principal to speak against my idea?
Jisoo: Wait. For real?
Jeonghan: YES. There was some big soccer tournament coming up, and they needed new expensive equipment. That disgusting man convinced the management to invest in the already successful soccer team instead of my new team.
Jisoo: But… you didn’t even seem that upset when they said no.
Jeonghan: You don’t understand. It’s not the rejection — it’s the audacity of him standing in the way of my plans.
Jeonghan: Blood. Boiling.
Jisoo: So… basically just an ego problem of yours.
Jisoo: Have you even had a single conversation with him?
Jeonghan: Oh yeah. You know when?
Jeonghan: WHEN HE HIT MY FACE WITH A SOCCER BALL.
Jisoo: Uhm… well…
Jisoo: did he at least apologize?
Jeonghan: He did.
Jeonghan: …Right before telling me I “shouldn’t have been walking across the field during practice.”
Jisoo: Were you… actually walking across the field during practice?
Jeonghan: Yeah, so? I can walk wherever I want.
Jeonghan: It’s fine though. I just took their ball, threw it onto the roof, and walked away.
Jeonghan:My basketball skills are no joke.
Jisoo: You know that cliff thing you mentioned earlier?
Jeonghan: Yeah, what about it?
Jisoo: Can I just push you off it myself?
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
Seokmin & Mingyu – 3:20 pm
Mingyu: Bro, why the hell did you eat ALL THE CHICKEN I left in our fridge?
Seokmin: Those were yours?:O
Mingyu: Of course they were??
Mingyu: We are literally the only two people living in this dorm. If you come across something that clearly doesn’t belong to you, there aren’t many other options for who it could belong to, y’know???
Seokmin: Makes sense! I’ll just buy some on my way home, don’t worry!
Mingyu: You better.
Mingyu: Where are you anyways?
Seokmin: I’m at a friend’s dorm! It’s pretty loud here — his roommate is yelling about how to get rid of that corpse!
Mingyu: Cool.
Mingyu: WAIT, WHAT?!
Seokmin: Huh? Ohhh, I mean a mosquito corpse.
Seokmin: Now my friend is threatening to throw him out the window together with the mosquito corpse if he doesn’t shut up.
Mingyu: Uhm… great!
Mingyu: I won’t even question it at this point. You definitely have only weird people as friends.
Seokmin: You being my best friend says a lot then!
Seokmin: You want anything else? I’ll be home in 1 hour.
Mingyu: Nah, I’m good. Are you having fun?
Seokmin: Yup! I’m not sure about Minghao though. He keeps telling me to get out of his room ‘cause I’m being “too loud” and his headache is getting worse — but that’s just his way of joking!
Mingyu: Definitely! Seems like a fun guy. It’s probably his love language!ヾ(〃^∇^)ﾉ
Seokmin: Ikr? I think so too! He’s now threatening to knock me out with his water bottle and then drag my body out of his room.
Mingyu: What a funny guy! It’s a shame you’re leaving soon — you should stay with him longer, he’s probably gonna miss you!
Seokmin: GREAT IDEA! I’m gonna tell him that!ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ
Seokmin: Alright, so I told him your suggestion and he would like to meet you!!!
Seokmin: Oh… wait.
Seokmin: He wants to meet you so he can burn you alive for that suggestion.
Mingyu: Hahahah, he sure has some humour!!! He reminds me of Wonwoo. He also keeps threatening people as a joke!
Seokmin: Ohhh, speaking of Wonwoo, you know he moved to a new dorm, right? He moved here — into Minghao and Jun’s dorm!
Mingyu: Really?? I don’t know who Minghao and Jun are, but does that mean Wonwoo’s also with you right now?
Seokmin: Yup! He’s currently getting strangled by Jun for accidentally stepping on that dead mosquito.
Mingyu: Sounds fun!! Tell him I said hi! I was planning to visit him in his new dorm. So take me with you next time!
°❀⋆.⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ ⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ
°❀⋆.⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ ⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ
Seungcheol & Mingyu 4:11 pm
Seungcheol: hey mingyu
Mingyu: what's up, hyung?
Seungcheol: you know that we got paired up for that group project thing in our natural science class, right?
Mingyu: wait Fr? I usually just sleep through that class and only attend it so I don't feel bad!
Seungcheol: …
Seungcheol: anyways, so as you definitely don't know, that jeonghan guy is also in our group. So… do you maybe happen to have his number so we could make a group chat?
Mingyu: WAIT
Mingyu: DO YOU MEAN THAT YOON JEONGHAN GUY??
Seungcheol: …I guess?
Mingyu: dude that guy is CRAZY. Isn't he the one who gifted that popular guy a huge birthday cake with a giant balloon… only for the cake to explode when the guy tried to cut it? He was covered in frosting AND glitter. Glitter. Everywhere. Like, in his ears, his hair… his soul.
Seungcheol: what the hell
Mingyu: and the balloon? FILLED with garlic powder. The guy smelled like garlic for a whole week. He literally moved cities after that!
Seungcheol: why the hell would someone even do that???
Mingyu: I told you! CRAZY. But honestly… the guy kinda deserved it. He was an asshole
.
Seungcheol: I mean… we just have to be nice then. Make him like us so we won't have to worry about exploding cakes and garlic balloons.
Mingyu: and raw eggs hidden in our shoes… or shampoo bottles filled with mayonnaise…
Seungcheol: …
Seungcheol: I don’t even wanna know.
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Horanghae Family 🐯 (5)
Chan: Can someone pick me up?
Chan: …
Chan: guys
Chan: I just got beaten up.
Seungkwan: YOU GOT WHAT??!!!
Hansol: what the actual fuck???
Jihoon: are you okay??
Hoshi: SEND ME YOUR LOCATION NOW
Hoshi: it’s time to unleash my tiger claws.
Hansol: I’m coming too.
Hansol: bringing my special frozen baguette for self-defense.
Chan: guys, calm down.
Chan: the grandma’s already gone, don’t worry.
Jihoon: …
Seungkwan: what grandma?
Chan: the one who beat me up?
Hansol: you got beaten up by a… grandma?
Chan: yeah! I was shopping and saw her drop her umbrella, so I picked it up to give it back. She thought I was trying to stab her with it.
Chan: she started screaming, snatched it back, and then beat me with it like I was a piñata.
Hoshi: WHAT A BITCH!
Hoshi: tell me if she’s still there!
Hoshi: I’M GONNA TAKE HER DOWN!
Hansol: YOU ARE NOT FIGHTING A GRANDMA!
Jihoon: seriously, are you out of your mind??
Seungkwan: no, he’s insane…
Seungkwan: insane for trying to do it WITHOUT ME!
Jihoon: both of you should be banned from interacting with the general public.
Jihoon: every day I question how I survive living in the same apartment as you.
Hoshi: I don’t see the problem. Equal rights mean equal fights.
Hansol: Seungkwan, take the car and pick Chan up.
Seungkwan: fine.
Jihoon: and do NOT take that frozen baguette… or Hoshi with you.
Hoshi: you guys are no fun.
Jihoon: jail time for beating up a grandma is also no fun!
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