Chapter Text
I groaned and tousled my hair in frustration. I stood outside a door unlike any I'd ever opened and could feel my breath shortening and my heart pounding. I had no idea why I’d thought this was a good idea…
Three days ago I was bold, and possibly stupid. I'd gone and dug myself a hole in a moment of weakness and now I was struggling to follow through. Things like this were always happening, really. I'd be eaten alive by my dissatisfaction and leave my comfort zone, and then as soon as things became uncomfortable I'd run away.
There was probably no running away this time. I sincerely doubted lesbian brothels offered refunds.
Yes, three days ago, the constantly churning gears of frustration and isolation had been clawing around inside my skull. I was agitated, I was restless, and most of all, I was bored. I'd been bored since I graduated high school, I figured. A day I didn't feel overly comfortable dwelling on often.
When I imagined that day I felt as if there was someone with a pair of chopsticks stirring my brain around like they were scrambling eggs.
I didn't dare remember the nearly 2 years I'd spent entangled with that weird ex-classmate for very long, because any unnecessary dwelling on it only served to ruin my mood. But as I lay in bed, whether it was the cabin fever eating at my better judgment, or the bittersweet spiral my life had taken since that day, I couldn't clear my head.
After high school, I went to university for a year. At first I kept my head afloat but over time I felt myself flailing and thrashing around to tread water, barely preventing falling beneath the current and being pulled into the depths. My grades started slipping, and with them went my confidence.
By the end of that first year, I had left. I didn't formally withdraw, nor did I tell anyone I was leaving other than a short text to Maika where I gave some excuse I hardly remembered and didn't expect her to believe. She accepted it and didn't pry. It was that lack of resolve to ask unnecessary questions that made our friendship last so long.
In sharp contrast with that girl.
I sighed. That pattern of thinking had led me down a rabbit hole that led me to this hotel lobby. I'd felt the seeds of nostalgia germinate within my heart and wished I could, just once relive one of those days during my high school years, where when I was frustrated or bored or angry, a text message and ¥5000 yen would be exchanged for…,
for what exactly? That was the question. Trying to put a label on those days always confused and frustrated me. I'd had the bright idea of replicating that and trying to find some clarity. A few web searches led me to a homepage for a lesbian brothel near my old college, and though it was a much more substantial cost than ¥5000, surely in theory it would recreate what I felt back then.
I hadn't given much thought to the girl I booked, the whole point was that anyone would do, after all. It didn't have to be her. I was anxious and sweating as I gravitated to a girl with long, light hair whose face was barely visible in her pictures. Just enough to know she was pretty, not enough to threaten her privacy, I supposed.
My phone buzzed as I got a message informing me my date was arriving and included a description of her outfit. A brown fleece jacket and blue skirt with knee high boots. Fashionable but nondescript. I steeled myself and looked around and….
My heart galloped and then froze in my chest.
No.
Why?
The last face I wanted to see came into view and I panicked.
She carried a much more mature vibe now but it was unmistakable.
“Miyagi…?” her voice stung my ears.
She looked slightly embarrassed and flushed, and started looking around, as if to check her surroundings.
I stayed silent, my words caught in my throat, or perhaps even deeper down.
“That is Miyagi, isn't it? Hey, I uh, I wish I could catch up right now but I’m supposed to be meeting….” she paused and bit her lip.
“A friend” she finally finished, gripping the hem of her navy blue skirt tight.
Her….navy blue skirt?
Realization hit like a truck.
“Sendai..” I barely managed to gasp out her name, my voice hoarse in disbelief.
She looked around, as if making sure no one else was here, and grabbed her phone out of her brown jacket pocket.
“I knew it! Could we exchange contact info, do you think?” she asked.
I blinked at her in disbelief and felt my face get hot.
“I think I….already have it” I sputtered, holding up my phone displaying the messages I had received moments earlier signaling her arrival.
Her eyes widened, and the realization seemingly clicked with her as well.
She flashed a smile I had seen dozens of times before and never wanted to see again. It was the plastered on, kind, angelic smile she had always given to friends and classmates in high school. The one that was so fake it made me sick to my stomach.
She moved in close and wrapped her arm around mine, firmly, as if to hold me in place.
Honestly, she was probably right to do so because I'd already begun mentally poring over the train departure schedule to get back home and as far away from this situation as I could be.