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It had become their routine. Every night they would settle down to watch TV. Steve on the couch, and Bucky sitting on the floor between his knees so Steve could play with his hair.
Bucky had made a lot of progress over the last few months. He had even started leaving the apartment to go on shopping trips with Steve, or to go and visit Sam. Steve was learning about ASMR, and the physical contact they now had made a lot of difference in how Bucky interacted with people. Bucky was so much more open with Steve. So much more affectionate.
Steve wasn’t just playing with Bucky’s hair anymore either. He gave him neck and shoulder rubs too. It took him a while, but the first time Steve had tentatively moved his hands down Bucky’s neck to his shoulders and the top of his back, Bucky had made it very clear he liked it.
The moaning sounds he made never failed to send blood flowing straight to Steve’s dick.
Sometimes, they would even switch, and Bucky would massage Steve’s shoulders, if he’d just come back from a difficult mission. With the healing effects of the super-soldier serum, he didn’t actually need it, but they both pretended anyway. It was comforting.
At first, Steve had completely avoided Bucky’s left shoulder. Even touching it through the cloth of Bucky’s shirt made him uncomfortable. He would never stop feeling partially responsible for it. But then he had worried Bucky would notice he was avoiding it, so he tried to keep his movements as even as possible, forcing down the uneasiness he felt about the arm.
This evening, Steve started lightly playing with Bucky’s hair - running his fingers through it with familiarity. Then he moved his hands down to delicately dance his fingers over Bucky’s shoulders. He rested his hands there and pressed his thumbs down Bucky’s neck, moving them underneath the neckband of his t-shirt, and caressing the soft skin. Sometimes, he wished Bucky would take his shirt off, but he understood why he never did. He squeezed the tops of Bucky’s shoulders and moved the pads of his thumbs in circular motions, digging deep into Bucky’s upper back.
He stroked his thumbs up and down a few times and then removed them to place his hands lower on Bucky’s back, petting him through the fabric. He ran his fingers from the spine outwards. Then, bracing his right hand on Bucky’s shoulder, he used the heel of his left hand to massage long strokes over his back.
He moved his hand back to join the other and began to knead Bucky’s shoulder. He squeezed hard - Bucky liked it when he applied lots of pressure. He then brushed long strokes down Bucky’s arm.
When Bucky groaned, Steve felt the familiar stirring in his jeans. He wished he could get it under control, but it happened every time, despite the fact he had been touching Bucky in this way for months. He would never grow used to that sound. And he didn’t want to.
Ignoring his burgeoning arousal, he continued stroking Bucky’s arm. He ran his fingers back up along the triceps, pressing hard. Bucky moaned again, louder this time, and Steve shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He paused and took a deep breath. He moved his hand back up to Bucky’s shoulder and gave it a half-hearted squeeze, intending to wind things down.
He was surprised when Bucky lifted his own hand and placed it on top of Steve’s, stilling him. He picked up the remote from where it was sitting beside him on the floor, aimed it at the TV, and the room went silent, though Steve had not been paying attention to it at all.
“Buck?” Steve asked. He was frozen. Had he done something wrong?
Slowly, Bucky pulled Steve’s hand forward, and Steve watched in awe as Bucky turned his head sideways and kissed the palm of Steve’s hand. Seeing the profile of Bucky’s features in the soft glow of the lamp made him look even more exquisite to Steve. Light reflected off of his cheekbones and the cupid’s bow above his pouty lips. Steve barely blinked as he stared at the lips that had just left his skin tingling.
Bucky turned his upper body to look right at Steve. But Steve couldn’t read anything in Bucky’s expression, he could only stare back, his heart pounding. He sat motionless, just praying he wouldn’t break the spell they were under.
Bucky got up onto his knees and turned to face Steve fully. He was positioned between Steve’s legs and he placed his hands on Steve’s thighs. Steve’s breaths came in short gasps, and he felt like he was on fire. He watched as Bucky moved his hands along his thighs and up his arms until he rested them behind Steve’s neck. Steve felt Bucky urge him forwards and he started to panic.
“You don’t have to do this, Buck.”
“Steve,” Bucky said, with amusement and exasperation in his voice.
“I just don’t want you to think you owe me anything…”
“Will you stop worrying and just kiss me?”
Then Bucky’s lips were touching his. Any hesitancy Steve had was gone. He leaned forward willingly and took Bucky’s face in his hands. He pressed his mouth hard against Bucky’s, and sucked his lower lip. The only thing left in the world was his desire for Bucky. It had been bubbling below the surface for so long and now he was bursting with it.
Bucky made the kiss better by pushing his tongue into Steve’s mouth, demanding entrance. Steve accepted with a moan. God, he just wanted all of him. Without breaking their kiss he hooked his hands underneath Bucky’s arms, pulling him up onto Steve’s lap. Bucky settled himself onto Steve with ease and Steve couldn’t help but think he belonged there.
Bucky ran his hands up Steve's back and into his hair, deepening the kiss further. Steve was suddenly aware of how hard he was. He placed his hands on Bucky's hips and tried to push him away. “Sorry, sorry.”
But Bucky began pushing his hips forward - he didn’t seem to mind at all. Steve tugged on Bucky’s hair, pulling him away from Steve’s face. “You really want this?” he asked. He really hoped Bucky wanted this. But he had to ask.
Bucky slammed his lips back into Steve’s. "Yes,” he hissed. He pushed his tongue back between Steve’s lips and massaged it against Steve's, until Steve was pushing back with the same intensity.
Steve tugged on Bucky's hair again, this time so Bucky would pull away, exposing his neck. Steve hungrily kissed the warm, salty skin. He felt Bucky’s elevated pulse beneath his lips and sucked hard, making Bucking moan.
“Steve,” he said breathlessly as he started grinding his hips again. Steve found Bucky’s lips and thrust his tongue into Bucky’s welcoming mouth. He pulled Bucky flush against him, and even when Bucky was as close as he could be, and there was nowhere else for his body to go, Steve kept trying to pull him closer.
He thrust his hips up, pushing back with abandon. He could feel the pressure building and knew he should try and calm himself down, but he needed Bucky so badly. God, it felt so good. He opened his eyes to look at him. Bucky. His Bucky. He'd wanted Bucky for almost as long as he could remember. He couldn't believe this was happening. It was a gift he wasn’t sure he deserved.
He watched Bucky. His eyes were closed as he wantonly moved in Steve’s lap. He imagined what it would feel like to be inside Bucky, like this, but with Bucky bouncing on his dick. He moaned. He was already on the brink of ecstasy. It was too much. He pressed his forehead to Bucky’s shoulder. “I'm gonna come,” he gasped. Bucky didn’t stop or slow his pace, and the sensation grew stronger. “Buck-” he feebly attempted one more time. But it was too late. He hunched his shoulders and came hard.
He had his face pressed into Bucky’s chest and remained there long after he came back to himself, breathing in Bucky’s scent. He was already uncomfortable in his sticky underwear, and embarrassed for going off so quickly. And he was too afraid to look Bucky in the eye. What would he see? When he finally looked up, Bucky was staring at him, and Steve was certain he had made a huge mistake. He had just ruined all of Bucky’s progress, he knew it.
Steve looked away, and was about to push Bucky from his lap, but Bucky started to push away from Steve first. Steve couldn’t help but glance back at him. He was expecting to see Bucky get up and leave the room, but was amazed to see that Bucky was only making room to unzip his fly.
Bucky held Steve’s gaze as he pulled out his dick and began stroking himself. Steve had thought Bucky’s expression had been blank, but now he could see he was wrong. The half lidded eyes and blown pupils, and the way Bucky licked his lips. He wanted this.
Steve tentatively reached his hand out, wanting to touch, but also afraid.
“Please,” Bucky said.
Steve carefully wrapped his hand around Bucky’s length. He felt solid in Steve’s hand, not very different from his own, but Steve couldn’t help but marvel at it. Bucky was incredibly slippery, and Steve stared in fascination at the glistening pink tip. He spread the slickness around with his thumb experimentally. He didn’t think it would be long for Bucky either.
He was so swept up in looking that he was barely moving his hand at all. Bucky thrust forward, urging Steve to stroke him harder. Steve eagerly sped up the pace. Bucky leaned in for another kiss, then pulled away to place his metal hand over the one Steve had resting on his hip. He guided Steve to place that hand around him as well, making a tight fist.
Bucky grabbed Steve’s shoulders with both hands and lifted himself onto his knees, with his legs spread wide. He leaned heavily on Steve and relentlessly thrust up into the fist Steve was making.
Bucky bit his lip and threw his head back, moaning loudly. His hips snapped faster and faster as needy grunts spilled from his lips. He thrust forward one more time, then his body went rigid and he spurted onto Steve’s t-shirt.
Steve squeezed his hands and dragged his fist up, eliciting another shudder and whine from Bucky. Then Bucky collapsed forward and rested his head on Steve’s shoulder, trapping Steve’s hands between their bodies. He breathed heavily into Steve’s ear. After a moment, he started laughing.
Steve felt his face heat up. “It’s not that funny. I couldn’t help it. I’ve wanted you for so long, Buck.”
“No,” Bucky interrupted, grabbing Steve's head and kissing him hard. “I'm laughing at how ridiculous we are. Both of us. We couldn't have figured that out eighty years ago?” He reached down and dragged one of Steve’s messy hands up and kissed the back of it, grinning at him.
“Do you really mean that?” Steve asked. It took his breath away, he almost felt like an asthmatic again. Only he wasn’t scared any more. It sent a thrill through him instead.
Bucky nodded and looked down at Steve’s t-shirt. “Here, let's get this off of you.” He pulled it out from where it was tucked into Steve’s jeans and off over his head. He gently took Steve’s hands in his and wiped them off with the t-shirt, before throwing it behind him onto the floor. Then he placed his hands on Steve’s bare chest and began tenderly moving his palms around. Steve couldn’t believe the look of awe on Bucky’s face. That he was the one to make him look like that. Could he really feel the same way about Steve that Steve felt about him?
Bucky leaned close and wrapped his arms around Steve, holding him. They stayed like that for a long time. When he finally moved back, he kissed Steve on the cheek. "So stupid,” he said, with laughter in his voice.
Steve loved Bucky so much, and he really wanted to say it, although the words caught in his throat. But the way Bucky was looking at him, with that knowing smile… maybe he didn’t have to.