Chapter Text
My name is Ainz Ooal Gown, formerly Momonga, formerly Satoru Suzuki. My story is the typical type you’d see from a certain genre of manga and anime, but rather than a truck, I just… never left the world I escaped to.
Yggdrasil, a Dive Virtual World MMORPG, not the first of its kind nor the most advanced nowadays, but when it launched it was ahead of its time. In this virtual world I found friends, a family, and formed a guild… but time eats away at everything and soon only I remained, and then, something off happened.
The night the game was to shut down it’s servers, I was online, taking it all in one last time, and then… Nothing happened.
Well, not nothing. I was never removed, or logged out. Rather… The guild, our NPC’s, all of it became alive and we found ourselves in a new world, one with similar rules but different applications and power scaling. It was fascinating. And concerning.
I went from being a boring human office worker to an undead lich king. That was quite the… Well, I’m not sure if it’s an upgrade or downgrade honestly. I do miss being able to eat and taste food…
“And I especially hate the emotion suppresents…” I thought, as one of the few things that came with my body was the Undead Ability that kept my emotions in check. “Just had to pick the Skeletal Mage I thought, it would be really cool to RP as the Overlord of the Undead I thought…”
It’s inconsistent too. Anything a human would find joyful, painful or panic inducing, it activates… but take joy in a kill, that remains… It’s trying to change me, my psychology…
I wonder how I’ll be as the months continue… will I even be the same person I was upon arrival if years pass? It’s helpful at times, but other times… not so much.
“Lord Ainz.” I looked up from my seat on the throne, seeing Demiurge walk up to me before stopping and dropping to a knee. “I have reports I think you’ll find interesting.”
“Report, Demiurge.” I said, my tone stoic and to the point.
“Some of our lesser reconnaissance demons have failed to return from the mountain range to the south. I went to investigate and discovered a barrier I was unable to penetrate.”
“That’s impossible, nothing in this world so far has shown to have any magic level that high…” I thought quickly. “Tell me, what kind of barrier was it?” I asked carefully.
“It was a barrier with a mixture of Greater Repel Evil, Greater Repel Chaos, and Greater Repel Demons all of Ninth Class minimum, but something else bothered me sire.”
“Speak Demiurge, if there is something amiss then I must know.”
“Well, based on the mana present in both the environment and the barrier, it seems the land might be host to some kind of Disciple or Priestess, possibly two.”
That was a subclass back in Yggdrasil; some female players could take them if they met certain requirements. Could this be another player then?
I immediately grabbed the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown and stood up. “Then we shall meet this person immediately.” I stated. “Please… please let this be another player…” I mentally begged, as having some other person from Yggdrasil would be an absolute blessing.
Heh, me, an undead skeleton asking for a Blessing. Oh the irony.
I had Demiurge take me to the area, where I did see the barrier. It was massive. Hmm… something about this feels… familiar… I can’t quite put my finger on it though…
I placed a hand on the barrier, feeling it repel even me. It even caused me some damage. It has to be a player then, and one of my level… Aside from the guild the number of people that were my level was a rather exclusive pool. Less than a hundred in Japan alone and less than five thousand globally.
“Even after twelve years of the game a lot of people really couldn't get to level 100…” I thought carefully. “Hello?” I called out loudly. “I'd like to speak to the Player who put up this Barrier.”
“W-wait, a Player is here!?” Demiurge asked in shock.
“It’s the only explanation Demiurge, another being such as I but not that you know of.” I said, as the NPC’s all knew about players in the Guild, the ‘Supreme Beings’ and other more generic game terms but still. “I was thinking I was the only one left…”
I tapped the barrier a few more times with my hand. Damage from barriers is chip damage, where I not max level though this damage would be far more concerning.
I could hear something on the other side of the barrier. Footsteps?
“Hmm… better be on guard though, this barrier is the kind that wants people out…” I thought, already preparing some spells just in case. “Hello?” I called out again, hoping this will be a positive meeting and not a fight.
I could see a silhouette appearing on the other end. I kept my guard up as I saw the silhouette begin to clear and-
They were an elf. Long hair a mix of blonde, red and pink with some feathers along the few braids. Their clothes were simple in appearance, and they carried a shovel slung on their shoulders. Their purple eyes saw me and their expression changed. “... Momonga?” They asked.
“... Spite…” I muttered. “How… the actual hell are you here!?” I shouted, all my emotions suddenly exploding from me before it was sadly calmed down with the jingle of my Emotional Suppressant.
“... Momonga…” They said, their surprise suddenly turning to a flat glare… then morphed into a wide menacing smile. Spite then raised his shovel. “Oh Momonga~ I still owe you a beating when you stole my Sacred Soap Stones!” He yelled as he charged.
Oh crap!
“L-l-listen, Spite it was totally justified! Plus I didn’t steal them I swear! Peroronchino made me do it!” I said quickly, flaying my hands as if to ward off this evil.
“You liar! I know you just didn’t want to grind the Lost God Temple for them!” He said, jumping as he flew out the barrier and-
His shovel slammed flat side first into my face. My HP fell by a chunk and pain shot through me. True, genuine pain as their special shovel, despite looking normal, was one of the strongest items in Yggdrasil solely because the game gave players the option to upgrade any weapon to max stats and with special work stations add enchantments to them.
He called it the ‘Bitch Maker Shovel’.
“Asshole!” I shouted at the Divine Level item smacking me in the face.
“Maximize Magic! Hell’s Meteor!” Demiurge chanted as he immediately threw a massive hellfire infused meteor at Spite.
“W-wait!” I snapped, stopping the eight level spell from hitting Spite and crushing it with a Black Hole spell. “Demiurge, this is my friend… and also the Lost God Temple sucked ass and you know it.”
“It only sucked ass for you because you were an undead and the enemies there did critical damage to undead players.” Spite said.
I groaned before the Emotional Suppressant activated again. “Anyways, I am glad to see you are here Spite.”
“I’m honestly amazed to see you too. I checked and last I saw Yggdrasil only had about a hundred or two players the last day, and that was global.” Spite said. “I logged back in to check on things, making sure you nor anyone else from your oh so special tomb kingdom stole anything else.”
“The last person I met was HeroHero…” I sighed. “And I was surprised Angelo didn’t show up for some final fight against the Tomb, even though I saw he was online.”
“Huh. Weird.” Spite said, scratching the back of his head. “... So that’s Demiurge huh?” They asked, looking at the suit wearing demon.
“Yes, Ulbert created him when we officially took control of the Tomb.” I answered, seeing Demiurge still in his Demonic Form still ready to fight even if I told him to stand down. “But… when did you get here? How long have you been in this New World?”
“I’d say… five years?” Spite said.
“Five years… have you seen anyone else?” I asked quickly.
“From Yggdrasil? No. I’ve more so just been working on the village.”
Village?
“What village?”
“I guess I can show you, but keep that guy out of here, otherwise Crysaly will try and eat his tail… again.”
I still can’t believe he managed to get a Demon Eater as a pet… The Pet system was rather underutilized by most players but Spite learned it could be used to tame monsters rather than the basic pets one can find in the wilds or sold in shops.
That was one of the few times Demiurge took critical damage… Demon Tails are… a weak spot.
“Yes… and then you all got to Victim and proceeded to have an absolute problem.” I admitted, as Spite was a part of the 1500 man Raid on the Tomb, only thankfully defeated due to Victim.
“Victim’s still bullshit, who the fuck puts every on death affect onto one monster?”
“It’s a massive deterrent that we all needed to make.” I answered simply. “If not for the debuff and the monsters that work for him, we might have lost.”
“Yeah yeah. Oh one sec…” Spite said, reaching into their inventory, same to how I do it, and pulled out a ring he tossed to me. “Here, put that on and you can pass through the barrier.”
I took the ring. It was simple, silver, and rather unassuming. That’s always been more Spite’s style. Fancy, gaudy weapons, armor and items were never his thing. He preferred things that looked simple and practical but worked extremely efficiently.
I carefully put on the simple silver ring, an ‘Admittance Ring’ for when certain players had area’s sectioned off or you needed these for specific quest lines. “Thank you, Demiurge, stay here and keep watch, and warn me if you see anyone approaching.”
“My lord, are you sure it’s safe to follow this… person?” Demiurge asked.
“It is fine Demiurge.” I said with a raised hand. “Like I said before, they are a friend.”
With that, I turned, feeling first with a finger to the barrier as my skeleton hand passed through without issue. With that I walked in fully and followed Spite along the simple pathway here.
“So, what were you doing when the servers were shutting down?”
“I was the only one of my guild to stay… I took one last sit down on the Throne, just… waiting for it to end.”
“I tended the fields, then the last hour just spent it in the house with Emily and Sasha.”
Right. Spite never told me much about his life outside the game, but he did mention using the NPC creation system to make himself a wife and daughter. It wasn’t uncommon for players in this game to roleplay with a family, though most made themselves harems and such, Spite made his wife and child, then his inlaws, siblings of his sister, aunts and uncles to his daughter. He built a large genuine family on that farm land of his.
The Farming system of Yggdrasil was also heavily underutilized but the players who did make use of it learned it could be extremely overpowered. Divine dishes, max rank potion ingredients, and added with his use of the pet system, he basically made an in game company farming and raising the ingredients players otherwise had to farm in dungeons for hours at a time. The guild bought a lot of things from him and even did a few quests for him as a favor for the items that could be made from the rewards.
“I still can’t believe you found Gaea’s Cradle on pure accident…” I said, the World ‘Item’ being a specific amount of farmland that helped the one that took the Druid class as far as it could in several ways, almost like Mare if they were more ‘Gardener’ and less ‘violent’.
“And you guys always doubted my dumb luck.” Spite chuckled.
“Especially given that there was no Luck stat…”
“Imagine if there was? I’d have broken that game way more than I did.” Spite said with a cackle.
“Let’s be glad you didn’t.” I managed, cause seriously this asshole was the luckiest man on the planet!
“So what’s it like outside the barrier anyway? I haven’t explored the world much.”
“It’s… Clean…” I said, that simple word even surprising Spite here with how much weight it held.
“Better than the swap you lot called home?”
“The world is.” I stated. “It’s like Yggdrasil, a fantasy world of monsters and knights, magic and other things but… weirdly they have Tiered Magic, which I haven’t fully figured out why or how.”
“Eh, lazy writing?” Spite offered as we reached… The Farm. I remember it well… but when the hell did he get those floating land masses and all the new houses?!
“I… don’t think Gaea’s Cradle could do this normally…” I said carefully.
“I got way too into Fuga Melodies of Steel and that whole world.” Spite said with a chuckle. “But yeah, welcome to the new farm. It’s like the old farm but better.”
“I see.” I managed, looking at the majesty of it. “... If only I could feel these things.”
“Hmm… Wait feel? Right you’re an undead… Hmm…” Spite hummed.
“There sadly isn’t anyway to fix this, and I doubt there’s a way for me to change races without losing all my levels, abilities and skills.”
“Actually there is an item that, at least back in Yggdrasil’s lore, could help with that.”
“And what item was that?” I asked, as there was genuinely thirty percent of the world actually documented as it was impossible for people to datamine or truly learn about things with it’s aggressive players and TPKers, to guilds hoarding information and loot that it got… sadly ridiculous.
“Well in the Lore one of the Lost Gods was said to be this God of Forgiveness, not sure why the devs made them look like some weird hybrid dog thing, but the imagery of them is adorable. Anyway, there’s a rare item that can spawn in their dungeon called the Reclaimed Heart. Now in game it’s mainly a cosmetic item that does debuff the player by ten percent across all stats, but the lore and item description says that when used on an Undead, it gives them back the emotions they lost upon death.”
“Huh… I suppose that is fair, and now that you mention it, Bukubukuchagama did say how adorable this ‘God of Forgiveness’ was, but I thought it was some weird fan art about one of the missing portions of the ‘Lost God Temple’...” I admitted.
“There are a lot of Lost Gods in Yggdrasil’s lore… but anyway I have it in my house so come on.”
HUH?!
“Excuse you!?” I snapped, once again the Emotional Suppressant hitting me… “How did you get this Relic?” I asked calmly as I followed along.
“The part of the Lost Gods Dungeon, the God of Forgiveness stuff is located has a lot of spawns for food items and preserved seeds and even still edible food items. Hell the buffs the food that spawns there are way better than anything I’ve been able to make, I wanted to stock up since they never seem to spoil unlike other foods and I found it in one of the reward chests.”
“Hmm…” I hummed. “If only we knew… how there was no Scouting Guilds or Lore Hunters is still beyond me… would have made a killing from it now that I think about it.”
“Tell me about it. Though the lore in some places was pretty weird.”
“Yeah, some of the lore can be… weird…”
I followed Spite down the path… I don’t recognize some of these NPC’s. Others… Wait, these are literally one to one copies from other older games… I’m sorry is that The Knight from Hollow Knight?!
“Did you literally just make half of these characters from the NPC creator?” I asked, given that Gaea’s Cradle was a World Item ‘Area’, it was classified as a Castle Class Guild Hall, allowing them to make NPC’s for the ‘village’ if they so chose but… really?
“Some yes but I found a thing here when I was expanding that was… basically like the NPC creator but with less requirements needed when creating an NPC. I’ll show you later.” Spite said as soon we walked up to the large communal farm house. Some extensions and add ons were here now that I don’t remember being here from my last visit. Spite opened the door and quickly side stepped as a frying pan flew out and hit me in the chest.
Owe… The damage was way less than what Spite can cause but the fact it hurt still threw me.
“Well if it isn’t ol’ Skeletor himself.” An elderly woman’s voice spoke. I picked up the frying pan and looked up, seeing an old elf woman with hair grey from age, skin wrinkling and wearing a simple set of clothes covered with an apron that simply had the image of that God of Forgiveness on it.
I recognize them. This is Matilda, the NPC Spite made to be Emily’s mother and Sasha’s grandmother. Spite got really into NPC roles and character stories. She usually only throws her pan at people she sees as malnourished, and given I’m a skeleton, her pan was always thrown at me.
As for the Skeletor thing, well she’s also called me W.D Gastor and Papyrus, so I know Spite loaded her with old references.
“Hello Matilda… glad to know you remember me.” I said carefully, another Emotional Suppression activating and… the jingles and glows hurt what part of my humanity remained…
“Ah look at you. Always so thin.” Matilda said as she walked up to me and took her pan back. “Honestly why do all your skeletons think not needing to eat means you never should?”
If I remember right, Matilda is around level sixty. All NPC’s start off anywhere between level 1 and level 10 depending on the player making them’s level. From there you can upgrade them by having them fight enemies for or with you in dungeons or completing certain tasks that earn EXP. The level cap for NPC’s is one hundred, and with certain items and buffs you can make those stats rival a max level player. Course the only way to give an NPC an ability is for a Player to give it to them from themselves.
Yggdrasil really made you grind for everything.
“And this is just from rare ways that aren’t just dumping the levels into them…” I thought carefully, as the Great Tomb gave us 2750 on our first try success, we didn’t think about leveling up the other auto generated mobs during game play and Victim was designed to be a sacrificial lamb to stop would be raiders.
Making them a lower level seemed more reasonable and it meant a more tired or paranoid group would see an easy target after all the hell they experiences prior. Works every time.
“You listening to me, bone boy?” I snapped back to reality where Matilda was still looking up at me with a small frown.
“Sorry Matilda, just deep in thought.” I answered. “I thought I would never see or hear you again ever since getting to this new world.”
“Same honestly. How are your servants and guardians doing? Hope they’re eating right, especially that little thing Shalltear and the twins Aura and Mare.”
“There is not any amount of food in the world to fix that cauldron of Pero’s fetishes…” I shuddered. “And Aura and Mare are still young, especially for elves so they have plenty of room to grow.”
“Well trust an elf to make food for elves. Haven’t met many who can put mana into food like me or Spite there so maybe bring them over, I’m sure Sasha would love to play with them again.”
Huh, that is true… they are still children. Well, children by Elven years. Roughly they’re the same age as Sasha if I remember right.
“Hmm… I think I will have to bring Aura and Mare around here sometime.” I hummed.
“Good.” Matilda said, then forced what appeared to be a hotdog in my hand before walking off.
“Heh, with an actual voice her personality shows way better.” Spite chuckled.
“Yes, it is quite a change of pace to finally give a voice to them.” I said, putting the hotdog into my inventory space.
I followed Spite into a fair sized room with many spare tools and random items as he opened a chest and began looking through it. “Alright now where was it…”
“Detect Relic Item.” I said, activating the spell to detect the Relic Class Item he was looking for.
Okay that’s… okay that’s more relics than I expected- Why are there so many relic class items just laying around this land?!
“How in the world do you have so many Relic Class items!?” I asked in surprise, knowing Relic Class is a step below Divine Class but still!
“Yeah so… remember how my main thing is farming?” Spite asked as the moved over to another chest.
“There is no way in hell Yggdrasil let you farm Relic class materials… wait… no, it fucking would…” I groaned, remembering one time with other minerals from mines we were warring over produced new minerals…
“Well not all of them, the vast majority I found by doing something I wondered if it was possible so out of curiosity in the Lost Gods Dungeons and some others, I started digging… and found shit.”
…
…
…
I swear to god if I ever meet one of the devs I might just strangle them…
“... This is worse than when the guild figured out hoarding two separate minerals from mines we were warring over fused into new materials…”
“Yeah. The devs really put a lot of work into Yggdrasil… shame they had to close the servers…” Spite sighed as they pulled out a green and red crystal heart. “Ah, here it is.”
He handed it to me. Hmm… To feel genuine emotions again… a ten percent debuff to all my stats is a steep price to pay, but that still leaves me as one of the strongest on this planet, and items and other buffs can correct that.
To feel… human again…
“... Is there a way to regain my Stats back? I do have the Shooting Star ring if possible or is this permanent?”
“It’s considered a cosmetic item, at least back in game and could be removed and the stats return to normal when it is… Though as far as I can tell the debuff comes from the fact it’s part of a set.”
“It’s part of a Set? The hell?” I asked in confusion. “What kind of set?”
“Not sure, but the item description says it’s part of a set of four.”
Hmm… interesting… I wonder if it’s possible to find these items here, or make them? If the other parts of the set do the same then perhaps the full set counters the debuffs?
“Well, that is certainly something I will need to look into.” I hummed.
“So, gonna use it?”
“... So far, the only thing that’s holding me back are the emotional supressents… and me not truly not caring about death.” I managed as I carefully placed the crystal heart into my chest cavity.
It still feels a bit odd and abnormal when I do this… Surprisingly once I placed it where a heart should be it floated in place all on its own before I could hear… the faint beating.
I heard and felt what was like a chain, collapsing and hitting the ground as my mind felt less clear but I felt… I felt…
… I can… feel. I felt a rush. An overwhelming rush of emotions long since suppressed but mainly I felt… joy as I didn’t even realize I pulled Spite into a hug.
“I… I can feel!” I said happily. “My emotions aren’t suppressed anymore I… I can think for myself.”
Wait… Oh god the guilt hit me! Ah fuck all the people I’ve killed!
“Do you like, need a moment?” Spite asked with a raised brow.
“... I have personally murdered… over a hundred thousand people… I got a new record for the Iä Shub-Niggurath and made four Goat Spawn… Oh no…” I groaned in pure pain. “The Guilt… this thing negates Karma too I think…”
“I’m sorry you killed how many people?” Spite asked lowly.
“It was for a genuine War, I’m the king of the Sorcerer Kingdom, back to the matter at hand, I feel guilty! Why didn’t Gazef take my offer damn it!”
“Oh this is gonna be a whole thing isn’t it…” Spite muttered as I proceeded to have a total mental breakdown.
“N-no, no… I’m good… this isn’t the first time I’ve had to deal with this…” I said weakly. “I didn’t work corporate to fall under… just a silly little mental breakdown, those are normal right?”
“Not when they’re caused by the guilt of your mass murders…”
“It… it was during a War, between the Re-Estize Kingdom and the Baharuth Empire… I was an Ally of the Baharuth Empire because of my new Sorcerer Kingdom.”
“Stop.” Spite said, putting a hand to my skeletal head. “Even soldiers and generals get PTSD in war. You’re… heh. You’re only human.”
It felt both good and painful to be called that again…
“... You… genuinely have… no idea how good it is to… have someone here to help me…” I managed. “Everyone in Nazarick… I’m scared they’ll hate me or rebel against me if I showed them what and who I really am…”
“Really? I made it info as part of my family’s lore.”
“Well, it’s not lore reasons it’s just… they’re Karma levels tend to be very negative, the only ones that aren’t Evil are Sebas, Aura, Mare, Cocytus and Pandora’s Actor among others.” I said carefully. “But they all… they all see me as a God, or their father and… I don’t want to upset them… they’re the only part of my friends I have left…”
“Hmm… So there’s a few you can probably tell, but the others might be a risk then…” Spite hummed as he sat me in a chair nearby as he thought.
“I can tell all of them but… it’s still a problem with what they’ll think of me if I do.” I sighed. “Especially Albedo… oh god Albedo… I’m such a dork…” I groaned and double facepalmed.
“What’s with the bitch?”
“I… I opened up the Dev Console for her Lore before the servers shut down and… turned her lore from ‘is a massive bitch’ to… ‘is madly in love with Momonga’...” I whined. “I’m terrible! That’s practically my best friends daughter! And the less we talk about Shalltear the better!”
“Yeah… When it comes to Shalltear, well not the first NPC made to be the embodiment of someone’s fetish list, but in terms of Albedo… Two things. First.” Spite pointed a finger at me. “Simp.” He then poked my eyesockets- Ah why did that hurt!? I got stabbed in these and it didn’t do anything! “Pervert…”
“It was a harmless thing I thought wouldn’t matter when the servers shut down!” I whined. “I’m not a Simp, you asshole.”
“Albedo is now forever living proof you are…”
“Shut up!” I groaned. “Ugh… seriously, ever since getting to this world it’s been… trying to say the least… paranoid as hell for a lot of pretty good reasons…” I sighed. “This world has World Items…”
“Huh, now that’s interesting. What have you come across so far?”
“Well, I don’t know what World Item was used, but it Mind Controlled Shalltear, a True Vampire, she is immune to Mind Control… and I had to personally kill her just two weeks after I arrived here in this new world with the entirety of Nazarick.” I sighed bitterly. “I was able to revive her thankfully but… where there’s one, there is most likely more.”
“Hmm… Wait, are you sure it was mind control?”
“Yes, but due to circumstances I don’t fully know, she was set from the ‘normalcy’ in this world for NPC’s, to being an actual NPC until attacked.” I explained.
“Huh… Well that’s concerning. Was it someone from Yggdrasil or someone from this world?”
“Shalltear didn’t remember everything due to her blood rage, but she did remember fighting a group of people after dealing with a bandit camp and… after that she doesn’t remember anything.”
“Locals likely then… A few have come near the barrier but thankfully Emily uses some magic to make them forget about it and they wander off away from the village. So aside me you haven’t run into any other players?”
“No, and to be honest I’ve started the Sorcerer Kingdom as a way to call to other Players if their here, cause the Great Tomb of Nazarick is the thing from Yggdrasil everyone knew about.”
“Made yourselves an unofficial boss dungeon.” Spite chuckled. “Largely I’ve just been keeping to myself and working on the village here. Without a map or anything I didn’t want to wander too far and even with new Warriors I made after arriving here-”
“You made NPC’s after arriving?!”
“Oh yeah, I was gonna tell you about that.” Spite hummed.
“How? Why? I know this is World Item counts as a Castle Class or hire but… how!?”
“Come on then.” He said, moving for the door.
I got up and followed them back outside and near the farm’s edge where I saw what appeared to be a stairway down into the underground.
“So you know how you can terraform the land on claimed land, building up and down right? Well I wondered if I could dig down and turn the farm into a layered thing and that’s when I learned there’s secrets hidden in the dirt here.”
“... The Dev’s can eat my boney ass…”
“You mean your pelvic bone? Not any meat there for Albedo to bite into.”
I whacked them on the head, earning a laugh from them.
Heh… that was the most normal interaction I’ve had in months…
“But anyway, I began making the second underground area for storage and maybe more farms when I found this.” He led me to a door where upon opening it, I saw still partly buried in the dirt was a large clay statue. The figure looked like the silhouette of a pregnant woman, but the belly was formed into almost a cauldron shape.
“Well… this place is called Gaea’s Cradle, so maybe this is Gaea?” I suggested.
“Not sure, can’t move the statue from here, at least not in game so I just made the room for it. You put clay, maybe some other materials in the womb-cauldren there and either a description or drawing and once the light show ends, a new NPC is made.”
“... What bullshit is going on here…” I muttered.
“I dunno, but it still works. It’s how I got most of those people out there. The more detailed you are, especially with abilities and powers the stronger they come out. Back in game it just opened the NPC Creation tool.”
“That is… an invaluable Divine Item…”
“I’m still finding stuff as I dig but I’m out of clay to make more people, and it’s needed for a lot of the buildings.”
Hmm… Spite is strong enough to damage me and pretty much everyone in Nazarick, not to mention his tools being Divine types that deal extra damage to us. But he’s a good friend and an ally. Sure he joined a few enemy raids, but to be fair we welcomed it back then and he did take his fair share of spoils. Should I see about adding them to the kingdom as a merging entity or as an ally? The village here can’t even really be called that. There’s likely less than a hundred people here in total, I think that technically makes them a hamlet?
“Hmm, how would you feel about either joining the Sorcerer Kingdom, or be a vassal entity?” I inquired.
“A vassal what now?”
“Means that, while you would still function as your own separate entity you will be apart of the Sorcerer’s Kingdom, with the benefits and responsibilities that come with it.”
“If you try and tax me I will turn your skeleton head into a Day of the Dead decorative skull.”
“I’m not going to.” I said, even though I know full well I can beat them in a fight. “But it’s to at least help you get acquainted with the rest of the world as I’m… trying to get somethings sorted.”
“Do I need to go anywhere for this?”
“Well, at least to Nazarick to meet the Floor Guardian’s proper, then meet Jircniv, the emperor of Baharuth.” I answered.
“Fine…” He sighed, then gave a whistle as I heard someone run here.
I looked down the hall and… The Knight? The little being walked up to us.
“Come on kid we’re heading out.” Spite said, patting their helmeted head.
“Are you sure?” I said carefully, looking down at The Knight as it waved it’s arms up in the air… i would be cute if I didn’t know better…
“Yeah, Emily always said if I end up leaving I should take a guard and Knight here is strong enough. Not sure how strong exactly but I’ve seen them do enough to feel confident in their abilities.”
Hmm… Check Entity.
A basic spell, basically the Appraisal skill but for entities. I don’t use it much but- WHAT THE FUCK!?
That little guy is not only level 100 but also his stats put them on even ground with Cocytus and their speed stat is faster?!
And what are these abilities and magics? Half of them I don’t even think were in Yggdrasil!
“You good? Did your jaw dislocate?” Spite asked me.
“I… used a spell, Check Entity and uh… he’s as strong as Cocytus with abilities and magics I’ve never heard of…” I explained carefully. “He’s even faster than him…”
“Huh. Hear that little guy, you’re cute and deadly.” Spite said, patting The Knight’s head affectionately as they seemed to enjoy it.
“What the hell did I get myself into…” I thought worriedly.
“Let’s just go find Emily before we leave. I’d rather not just up and vanish on her or Sasha.”
“That’s alright.” I nodded. “I’ll head out and set up a Gate for Nazarick.” I said as I cast Message and put a hand to the side of my head. “Demiurge, can you hear me?”
“Sire?” They replied quickly.
“I need you to head back to Nazarick, inform the Floor Guardian’s there of some important guests that will be arriving soon.” I told him through the magical connection and also super thankful that this form of communication wasn’t blocked by the barrier.
“Understood. I take it one is that Elf, Spite?”
“Yes, but he is also a bodyguard… but be careful and don’t make any threatening actions, the guard is as strong as Cocytus with abilities even I don’t know about so please, warn everyone to not start something.”
“Understood.” Demiurge said.
I followed Spite to the fields. These herbs… we use them to make the red potions… Ahead was another elf woman. Darker skin with bright fiery red hair dressed in more modern shorts and a shirt. I could sense a strong magic from her, and saw it came from the ring on their finger. Emily.
“Hey hun, I’ll be heading out.” Spite said.
Emily turned, pale red eyes seeing me and looking surprised. “Momonga! I haven’t seen you since you stole my husbands soap stones…” She glared at me with the ferocity of a protective wife/mama bear… and she is in fact both…
“I’m going by Ainz Ooal Gown now, and again, I didn’t steal shit.” I huffed.
“I’m not calling you that.” She huffed. “Your Momo until I say otherwise.”
Spite snorted.
I sighed, but felt the crystal heart beat against the Undead Emotional Suppressants as I knew it was in good fun. “I understand.”
“I’m gonna head out with him. Apparently we’ve missed out on a lot.” Spite said.
“I see you’re taking Knight with you. Good.” Emily nodded. “How long will you be gone?”
Spite turned to look at me, asking without speaking.
“It will depend on how long the talks with the others will go.” I said. “I am a King, and certain things will need to be talked about with your humble hamlet possibly joining the Sorcerer Kingdom.”
“Tax us and I swear…”
“Will you stop?”
“Taxes are evil, taxes are the devils…” She scowled.
“How about rather than taxes just a trade. We still have all the herbs and such your guild used to buy in bulk back in the day. How about reviving that old deal?” Spite offered.
“That works for me.” I nodded.
“Alright then.” Emily nodded. “I’ll hopefully see you soon.”
She then quickly gave Spite a kiss on the cheek.
“I’ll be fine. I have Knight and my inventory.” Spite said, kissing her cheek back.
Damn… I just realized how much I miss having lips…
I sighed. “Well, let’s get going then.”
—
“So you mean to tell me that you just… never realized Albedo was rubbing her scent all over your bed?!” Spite yelled as I’ve now come to realize something…
“... Oh no…”
“My guy I know you don’t have a nose but you can clearly smell!”
“I mean… yes I can but uh… I didn’t think it would be… this bad…”
“My guy she is literally trying to get you to associate the rest and calm of your room and bed with her… I’m pretty sure that’s a form of brainwashing… Or Skullwashing in your case.”
“... I was told someone made a body pillow of me…” I said weakly.
“And that is just wrong and I’m not sure how the fuck that’s even possible…”
“I don’t know…” I said weakly. “It’s concerning, especially the one time she assaulted me because I treated Mare like my own son…”
“Oh so she’s possessive and obsessed… That’s a bad combo…”
“It sucks how massive Tabula likes to write background lore… I just made sure to get rid of the ‘Albedo is a turbo bitch’ because he wanted to do something silly to ‘juxtapose’ the perfect housewife…” I sighed. “But we all forgot… she’s a Greater Demon and a Succubus…”
“Well, you forgot.”
“Yes I did.” I sighed.
“And I’m guessing you’ve avoided touching her right?”
“It was a harmless joke I made… and I feel uncomfortable with it…”
“Um… Lord Ainz?” I turned, seeing… Aura and Mare there…
…
“How long… have you two been standing there?” I asked worriedly.
“Th-the whole time my lord…” Mare, the male crossdressing druid, said nervously.
“Well we are in their arena.” Spite said.
“... Aura, Mare, this is an old friend and business partner, Spite.” I said, motioning to the Elf. “He is an Elder Druid just like you Mare, but while you specialise in AOE combat, Spite here is more focused on buffing and farming.”
“Yo.” Spite waved.
“Cool! But… why isn’t he wearing a dress?” Aura, the female crossdressing Master Ranger, asked curiously.
“Not everyone dresses like you and Mare, it’s the special part of you two that Bukubukuchagama gave to you two.” I said rather quickly as I did not want to have this conversation right now.
“Does it give advantages to spellcasting?” Mare asked.
“No, it's purely a fashion choice.” Spite said.
“Oh. So girl clothes look good on me then?”
“Well yeah, our maker made you with that in mind right? So of course you’d look good.” Aura said.
I nodded in agreement and gently patted both of their heads. “I know Buku would be as proud of you two as I am.” I said, genuine warmth from this boney form felt so much better now that it won’t be suppressed or stunted.
“So who’s the tiny creature with you?” Aura asked.
Knight sat next to Spite as they seemed to be swinging their feet and nodding their head along to some unheard tune.
“That’s Knight, they’re my bodyguard.” Spite said.
“But they’re so small and… rather cute looking. Can they even fight?” Aura questioned.
“Yes, though I guess he hasn’t really had a chance to battle anyone or anything seriously?”
“Oh, can I duel them Lord Ainz?!” Aura asked eagerly.
“If you two can make it as non-lethal as possible.” I said carefully to Aura and the Knight. “And be weary Aura… he is as tough as Cocytus.”
“Wait, seriously?! But they’re so small?” Aura said as she looked down at Knight who looked to not be paying attention.
“You know as well as I do that size isn’t everything.” I answered to the Beast Master themselves. “Remember ‘Mr. Snuggles’?”
“Hey! Mr. Snuggles is not dangerous.” Aura huffed.
“U-uh… the Primordial Ether Cat broke through the wall last week and kn-knocked you three miles away…” Mare said nervously.
“Oh he was playing.” Aura pouted.
“Point being,” I stated. “He is very powerful, and is capable of things I don’t know about, so please, during this sparring match, make it as non-lethal as possible.”
“Knight.” Spite said, and The Knight turned to look at them. “Go easy on the kid alright?”
Knight nodded, jumping to their feet.
“Alright,” I said, raising my staff as me, Mare and Spite were on the stands. “Begin!”
Aura was on the attack immediately, using her Divine Beast Master Whip and swinging powerfully towards the Knight, who easily dodged and ran towards Aura, but while the Knight was fast, Aura was equally as fast as she always needed to keep up with Level 90+ Beasts. Aura tried to keep her distance, using the whip to its maximum potential but the Knight was swift, dodging or parrying the attacks with his Nail weapon before firing off a blast of pure Soul energy.
“L-Lord Ainz, what was that?” Mare asked in surprise and shock.
“That… is a Soul Blast.” I answered, seeing several more parries and another Soul Blast that Aura dodged deftly. “It’s one of the Knight’s abilities, he gains energy from parries or hitting something and, with a quick ‘chant’ he is capable of firing it off rather swiftly.”
But the fight continued on, Aura even whistling and bringing out a level 92 Pteradrone, a powerful bird of prey that swooped down and tried to attack the Knight, who simply jumped, and with his etheric wings, double jumped, pogo’d off the bird without causing too much damage shockingly, and dashed swiftly towards Aura, getting a little too clo-
SNAP!
“OW!!” Aura screamed, holding her broken left arm that she used to block his swing.
“H-hold!” I snapped, Mare already rushing towards her sister.
“Knight! Withdraw.” Spite said, The Knight put their nail back to their back and walked back to the seats where once they sat down they pulled out a book and began writing.
“Sister!” Mare said quickly, bringing out their staff, the ‘Shard of Yggdrasil’ divine weapon, and started to cast a greater healing spell on them.
“I-I’m alright… man, is he strong…” Aura admitted.
“Don’t put yourself down though Aura.” I stated, wanting to hopefully nip a bit of self-doubt brewing in her heart. “Remember, you were not created to be a Warrior like Cocytus or Albedo, you are a Beast Master who fights alongside your brother, be proud that you held your ground against the Knight.”
“Why are they just called The Knight?” Aura asked.
“Because he was created without a name, and all he has known is ‘The Knight’.” I answered. “It’s… also due to the world he was in…”
“Is he from Yggdrasil?” Aura asked, starting to move their freshly healed arm.
“... No.” I answered carefully. “He is not from the New World either which is… concerning and I will leave it at that.”
The two seemed to accept that. I did peek and… damn they have good art skills. Their drawing of me, Aura and Mare are very well detailed.
“Sorry about that. Didn’t think they’d break her arm.” Spite said.
“I didn’t think his attack stat would get past her defenses and stats…” I said carefully. “Also, the Knight is really good at art.”
“Maybe it’s their nail?” Spite hummed.
“If it’s the Dream Nail then… maybe?” I hummed, scratching my chin in thought.
“Maybe… They were made from the statue then appeared with the nail already.”
“This is just getting more and more concerning…” I admitted carefully.
“Add it to the list.”
“Yes… to the very big list of things that I need to do…” I sighed, raising my head as I saw a Gate open up and out walked Albedo, Shalltear, Demiurge, Cocytus and even Victim. “Oh, Cocytus, Victim, I didn’t expect you two to be here.”
“My lord has summoned all Floor Guardian’s to meet someone that, while has attacked the Great Tomb, has been of great support to our Home.” Cocytus, the four armed Insect Sword Saint, said with a fist chested solute.
“.ezigolopa ot emoc ev'I” The Archangel fetus, Victim, said, though through the telepathy we understood that they’ve come to apologize.
“... Why did you make them look like what a Republican imagines an aborted fetus looks like?” Spite asked me while looking at Victim.
“Let’s… not bring up our world please…” I grumbled, as a Japanese person I barely know what their talking about…
“You’re the one with the angel fetus that causes mass death upon its own death…”
“No, it’s a massive Debuff on everyone in the area, it’s Victim’s followers that do the clean up.” I corrected. “But as some of you might not know, this is Spite, an old friend and business partner of Nazarick.” I motioned to said American.
“Hey.” Spite waved. “Also this is Knight.” He motioned to The Knight who was adding to their little journal.
“Stop!” Albedo said quickly to the other Floor Guardians that just arrived, her hands clutching Ginnungagap, a small scepter with a darker than pitch black orb floating on top of it as one of the tankiest beings in this place took a shaky breath. “The… The Knight is strong… I know his power…”
“He’s a bean.” Spite said, patting Knight’s head.
“His power is that of Ginnugagap…” Albedo said shakily, clutching the world item tightly.
“What do you mean?” Shalltear, the loli true vampire with that stupidly padded chest, asked carefully.
“In Nordic Mythology, what Yggdrasil is mostly based on, Ginnugagap is the Inbetween of Worlds, the Primordial Void between the Lands of the Fire and Ice Giants.” I explained carefully, staring at the World Item that seemed to radiate a dark energy as I looked to the Knight, who was still writing or drawing in his notebook even as he stared intently on the World Item. “And given how long Albedo has had ownership of the item, against the Guilds better wishes cause Tabula can be a bit of a bitch, she… understands the feeling and knows what The Knight truly is.”
“Still a bean.” Spite said.
“He’s a monster of the deepest Void…” Albedo said carefully.
“He’s a Hero that chose damning himself to save people and his sister.” I stated.
“And a bean.” Spite added.
Albedo sighed as Cocytus stepped forward and kneeled down, the two insect being’s making some strange beetle like noises… before the Knight gave a thumbs up and Cocytus laughed.
“O-oh my…” Mare said, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment as I was now super confused.
“Should I even ask?” I asked carefully.
“Well he is a bug so, eh.” Spite shrugged. “Oh yeah, Albedo, Momo now knows you’ve been perfuming his bed with your scent.”
“W-well not… perfuming technically.” Albedo said, scratching her chin as her entire face turned beat red.,
“She has actively rubbed her naked body on our lords bed.” Demiurge said with a quick fix of his glasses as Albedo gasped.
“How dare you!”
“You bitch! You’re cheating staking your flabby body all over Lord Ainz’s private chambers!”
“I’m the bitch!? How dare you!” Albedo snapped as the two started to get into a cat fight.
“... As you can see… half the time I’m reminded of my friends here with their bickering.” I chuckled.
“Yeah, like parent like child I guess.” Spite chuckled. “Also like herding cats. Say Momo, have any of the guild rules changed since I was last here?”
“Nope.” I shook my head. “But I’m trying to get the NPC’s to start thinking like normal people.” I whispered to Spite, as if I just told them openly it would defeat the purpose.
“Good, now I’m gonna ruin their day.” Spite said with a smirk as he reached into his Inventory and pulled out two familiar books. One was the general rules for Guild Members, the other was a rule book one of my friends made that was for the servants. “Ladies!” Spite spoke up, getting Albedo and Shalltear’s attention. “As servants of this guild and kingdom I hope you two are familiar with the rules and regulations of your roles, yes?”
That made the two pause.
“W-we do know the rules and regulations.” Shalltear stated.
“I am the leader of the Floor Guardian’s, I know the rules and regulations and enforce them as need be.” Albedo stated as well.
“Do you now?” Spite asked, his smirk widening as he first opened the Guild Member book for Players. “According to this, as a founding member Momonga, also as the only current active member not only has the right of total authority over your stations but also said rules and regulations which he himself has confirmed to be unchanged since my last visit. And while I’ve been largely isolated and focusing on my farm and family since arriving to this land five years ago, I’ve gotten to read these rules over repeatedly. And as your Lord has informed none of these rules have changed at all… so tell me, where in the rules does it dictate the servants, The Floor Guardian Leader and a Floor Guardian of multiple important floors, to attempts to take on the roles and obligations of a Guild Member’s bride, concubine or similar partnership?”
Albedo and Shalltear both took a step back.
“There isn’t any. In fact there are no rules regarding this at all anywhere, meaning the two of you for the last several months have been actively harassing your own lord and master sexually and inappropriately with your actions… some more than others…” Spite gave a look at Albedo. “And trying to take on the role of a position that your lord has not yet or even considered creating for what you two bicker over, leading to discourse and dysfunction within the servants.”
The other guardians were whispering now to one another while I saw Demiurge grow their own smirk as he fixed his glasses. “How shameless.” He muttered.
“W-well, I mean…” Shalltear tried to argue.
“L-Lord Ainz changed a part of me, to love him dearly! Th-that’s true right my lord?” The demonette asked, looking at me with pleading eyes.
“... Maybe tone it down a tad?” I said nervously. “Um…”
“While our lord would need a proper heir in due time,” Cocytus let out frozen air out of his mandibles and stood up. “You two have been acting like spoiled children over your favorite snack!”
“Yeah, it’s been getting really bad between you two, I mean come on!” Aura groaned.
“... P-please calm down…” Mare said sheepishly, shrinking in on himself with how nervous they were.
“Now then!” Spite said, clapping their hands. “According to these rules you two claim to know well, breaking them in any conduct that is not a matter of life or death in terms of a fellow servant of a Guild Member’s safety or for the safety of the guild as a whole, punishment means typically either being expelled from the guild, or death.” He said, making Shalltear and Albeado panic. “But your Lord is merciful, and I have a punishment in mind I think would be better for you two. I’ll tell it to your lord now and see what he thinks.”
Spite then leaned in and whispered to me… I laughed. Oh, Oh that might work!
“Oh that sounds fantastic.” I laughed, even though seeing all the Floor Guardian’s shocked at my genuine laughter was… a little hard but it was worth it.
“Very well. Starting today the floor guardians Albedo and Shalltear are removed from duty and will be reassigned to work as simple serving staff, taking on cooking, cleaning and laundry duties around the castle for three months.” Spite said, making Albedo and Shalltear balk. “Additionally the two will have uniform requirements. Albedo must wear only covering and concealing attire that shows no skin from the neck below, and Shalltear must wear age appropriate clothing relating to her biological age which appears to be between ten and thirteen, also no padding anything under them. Any transgressions against these conditions will add on another month to your sentences.” I think the smirk Spite had on was giving them Vietnam Flashbacks…
“HA! Finally.” Aura laughed.
“It seems reasonable.” I stated honestly.
“I bought you time but you are gonna have to figure out how to handle this nonsense.” Spite whispered to me.
“I know…” I sighed, but then, out of nowhere, another gate showed up and…
“Mein Gott hat mich gerufen!” Pandora’s Actor said in German with a proper army soldier salute.
“What did I say about speaking German!?” I whined and double facepalmed.
“... As an American I feel like I have an obligation to shoot this guy…” Spite said.
“He’s not a Nazi!” I whined. “He’s just German…” I sighed. “Hello, Pandora’s Actor.”
“I-I’m so sorry my lord.” He said with a quick bow. “I didn’t mean to upset you in front of your guests, I deeply apologize.”
If I could cringe into a black hole I would… “It’s alright Pandora… this is Spite, and their guardian The Knight.” I motioned to the two.
“I’m still on the fence about shooting him.” Spite said.
Knight looked up at them. Pandora looked down at them. Their hollow dark eyes met for an uncomfortably long time.
“Um… you two good?” I asked nervously.
“I can’t tell who’s breaking who…” Spite hummed.
“... The Dreams are Beautiful.” Pandora’s actor said with no context at all, and the Knight nodded.
“... Um… I don’t like that…”
“Well all in all I think this went very well either way.” Spite said.
The whole place suddenly shook as the sound of breaking glass seemed to come from above, outside the building.
“Not my fault!” Spite added fast.
“Set the Tomb to high alert! Now!” I ordered.
“SIR!” The Guardian’s said as Gates were created and rushed in as I created my own and went outside, the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown clutched tight in my hand.
“Damn it, what’s happening now?” I thought quickly.
I looked around, then up and…
Oh… That is… A giant crack in the sky…
“Well that doesn’t look good…” I turned, seeing Spite walk out the gate I made.
“What… the actual hell is going on?” I asked in horror.
“No idea.”
To be continued...