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Xie Lian was not so much experienced in having relationships as he was in breaking up.
You’re really lovely and I have fun with you but I can’t help but see our relationship as a friendship.
I don’t think I’m ready to move on from my ex, this is not the right time for me. I’m sorry.
Sometimes I have a feeling that the toothpaste stashes in your house should be consumed more quickly than they are.
He was a master of the artful ways in which the trite it’s not you it’s me could be transformed into flourished, palatable words. Thus, over the course of the years he’d become far too well-versed in the monotonous excuses people used to break up with others as well as the more extravagant ones, many of which teeth-brushing related.
As it was with many things, that it had come to this had been seven parts fate and three parts Shi Qingxuan.
He had always been good with words, had never been afraid of speaking his mind but had always possessed a sincere care for other people’s sorrows. It made him the perfect bearer of bad news.
Acquaintances of various nature had come to know him as the God of Misfortune. The nickname took root and spread like plague as it often happened that, when he was spotted talking to someone, that person’s beloved partner could start expecting an unpleasant break-up in the next few hours.
His appearance in one’s closeness was ominous and disaster itself was spurred by the tapping of his fingers on the greasy, cracked glass of a borrowed phone. A text from him was commonly received with curses and spurn: a god of goodwill made grim reaper against his desires. It was no good sign that he often walked around with a broom in his hands as if ready to beat the good luck out of anyone he encountered[1].
It had begun when one of Shi Qingxuan’s friends had needed to break up with a guy and Xie Lian had found himself inconviniently there. He had been asked to craft a kind text to deliver the news and ever since then he’d been the designated executioner of many relationships.
He had helped everyone who’d come asking: exasperated girls, unsure guys, coworkers, old acquaintances.
He hadn’t helped Pei Ming. That was an hazardous full-time job even he didn’t have the strength for.
Thus, it wasn’t unusual for Xie Lian to find himself sitting on Shi Qingxuan’s couch with a semi-stranger briefing him in detail about their love life like a boss with a fresh new-hire. What was strange, though, was the way Shi Qingxuan sat almost thigh-to-thigh to the man at their side, how the man seemed to have been dragged there by force and how reticent he was about his soon-to-be-over relationship.
He Xuan, the impassive-looking commisioner, stared intently at his bowl of instant noodles and looked like he couldn’t care any less about any entity in the room that wasn’t covered in a thick spicy paste. He replied with little more than grunts and monosyllables to Xie Lian’s questioning and seemed every bit as disinterested in the impending demise of his relationship as a heartless stranger who happened to pass by.
The conversation open on the phone in Xie Lian’s hands blinked up at him just as dismaying as the man in front of him: a long thread of dispassionate, vaguely irritated texts that didn’t paint the picture of a loving couple.
A pain in the ass, was the most description Xie Lian had gathered about the mysterious partner. Obnoxious, self-absorbed, single-minded verging on obsessive, annoying, demanding. The last aspect was seemingly related to a debt that made Xie Lian’s job all the more confusing and critical.
Shi Qingxuan, at the man’s side, seemed just as perplexed but oddly interested in setting He Xuan free of his relationship, one that – Xie Lian had noticed with alarm – had never been addressed with any romantic connotation and spoke far too loud of a loveless arrangement.
“It’s best if you’re blunt with him. Just tell him I’ll keep paying but not to bother me with his obsession anymore,” He Xuan said without raising his eyes from the bottomless nest of noodles in the bowl.
The terse texts on the screen didn’t offer any help. Xie Lian scrolled through them hoping to find something to start off and was soundly disappointed.
Free tonight?
No
8 p.m.
Text left on seen by He Xuan.
Have food?
No
Meat?
No
I’m eating there
Text left on seen by the other man, Hua Cheng.
When the conversation wasn’t as laconic as these exchanges Xie Lian found it almost distressing.
9 p.m.
You’re in one of your obsessive phases, I’ve heard about him enough yesterday
9 p.m.
You got drunk and said weird shit about his hands
-1% need paints, go buy them
It’s been eight years, get over it
Nine
A brief pause then:
-5%
One
4%
One
2%
One
What paints?
Nothing made them look like lovers, reluctant friends at best, strays put inside the same cage for too many years if one felt realistic.
Found his profile
<blocked contact>
<unblocked>
He looks the same. Like a god
And you still look like you should be sealed under a mountain. Get over it. Got shrimp dumplings?
“He Xuan.” Xie Lian tried to make his words light. “Who is this man he talks about?” He had long learned that the word cheating earned few useful replies and many unending tirades, sometimes involving screaming and complaining neighbours.
“Some guy that saved him when he was a kid, helped him with his homework until he was a teen or something.”
“And they’re still in touch?” Shi Qingxuan chimed in, a keen light in their eyes. “He seems interested, should get with him and set you free!”
It earned them what Xie Lian had come to recognize as an approving grunt. “Guy’s family bankrupted when Hua Cheng was fifteen, I think his parents died. Wasn’t nice, anyway. Then he moved. Hua Cheng hasn’t heard of him in like eight years.”
“Nine.”
He Xuan and Shi Qingxuan turned to look at him at the same time. “Nine years,” Xie Lian supplied, tapping on the screen. “He said it here.”
He Xuan stared at him with a peculiar mixture of disinterest and surprise. “Anyway, it’s quite pathetic.”
“It’s normal to be affected if someone plays a big role in your life. It makes sense you would want to find them again.” Xie Lian kept brousing aimlessly through the texts, only meeting He Xuan’s questioning stare once Shi Qingxuan subtly cleared their throat and made his attention snap back to them. “Ah, but of course, we’re not here to discuss this! What I meant to say is that, after all, it’s just platonic admiration for someone he has high regards for, isn’t it?”
He Xuan’s snort took both Xie Lian and Shi Qingxuan by surprise. “Sure,” he said with a huff and amusement left his features only when he opened his mouth as wide as a snake and devoured a mouthful that would have put to shame many creatures of the Mesozoic.
Xie Lian observed his chewing with the awe reserved to predators of the wild before he glanced one last time at the phone in his hands. “To be honest, I’m not sure I can help you with this one. Your way of writing is…really unique. I don’t think I can emulate it and write a nice text, he would realize I’m not you.”
His observation wasn’t deemed concerning enough to issue a pause in the chewing endeavor. “So what? I don’t care if he knows you’re the one writing, as long as you get him off my back. Do whatever.”
Xie Lian didn’t know wether to laugh or cry.
He stared at the screen for ten minutes, then spent half an hour typing and deleting just to start typing everything all over again. The afternoon sun was already dipping low and turning the fresh light of the room golden when he finally contemplated a fully fleshed message waiting to be sent.
Hi. It’s not easy for me to tell you this but I think I need our relationship to take a different shape. I have to ask you not to contact me unless it is for necessary matters. I assure you I will keep on paying what I owe you and I am grateful for your help, I swear to compensate it until we’re even.
“Do you want to check it?” He asked when he was done. He received the disinterested dismissal he had been expecting. Observing the text for a moment longer he took a deep breath and sent it.
The contact blinked online in a second.
Is this some sort of alarm signal or are you trying to piss me off?
An unusual sort of trepidation made his limbs a little restless as he maintained his composure and urged He Xuan to show a sliver of involvement in his own personal affairs. “He replied, take a look,” he said.
It didn’t work. “Deal with it as you want, as long as you get him to leave me alone and not worsen my debt I’ll pay you for your trouble.”
“You’re not paying me.”
Shi Qingxuan let out an amused chuckle. “Ah A-Lian, in a way this will be your first actual break-up. You don’t have to follow instructions! Give way to your creativity,” they said, grinning and adding a wink for good measure.
With a smile that felt as unconvincing as it must have looked Xie Lian turned back to the screen.
I’m serious. Please accept it.
There was a moment of pause before Hua Cheng started typing a reply. When it appeared it was every bit what Xie Lian had been waiting for.
+5%
Even though the result had been the only one Xie Lian had been asked to avoid, he couldn’t help a chuckle at the short, undeniable threat.
He Xuan perked up at the sound. “It worked?”
“No,” Xie Lian replied amusedly. His eyes didn’t leave the cracked screen and the little dots blinking at him as Hua Cheng wrote more on the other side.
Coming at your place.
That was unexpected.
“Why are you smiling if it’s not going well?”
There was the soft thud of a palm striking. “He-xiong, let him work!”
Hua Cheng, I realize my previous texts might have sounded odd. I’m not He Xuan, I am a friend who’s helping him write what he feels but can’t express in the right way. I’m sorry if this is unconventional but I think both of you might benefit from some space and time apart to sort things out. You have that person you’re looking for who seems important to you, you could use this occasion to focus on that.
The dots appeared instantly, as if brimming with the anger of the person writing on the other side.
He told you about him??
And who the fuck are you
Fuck off
Xie Lian stared at the three lines for a long moment. He typed an apology, then deleted it. Went for an introduction but it seemed even more stupid. At last, he raised his gaze to find two pairs of eyes already set curiously on him. “I…don’t think it’s working,” he admitted and passed the phone back to He Xuan.
The single ring at the doorbell that came half an hour later couldn’t be said to arrive as a surprise. Nonetheless, it plunged the room into an immediate, frozen sort of fear.
“I’m sure he won’t be so mad,” Xie Lian offered with a smile and was promptly shushed by two angry whispers and a pair of manicured hands pressed over his mouth.
“How does he know you’re here?” Shi Qingxuan asked in a low but deeply distressed voice.
He Xuan’s voice was equally careful. “He knows I’m here most afternoons.”
Panic rose in Shi Qingxuan’s wide eyes. “And how does he know where I live!?”
He Xuan shrugged with too stiff shoulders to truly look unaffected. “It came up.”
Shi Qingxuan took a deep breath in and let a shaky one out, then they started nodding slowly as a sage finally coming to a solution. “We’ll make Xie Lian open the door,” they said, voice contemplative but final. “He might be able to reason with him…and if not he’s really good at that wushu thing he does on the weekends.”
Xie Lian could only sigh and light a cheap incense stick in his heart for his own life. He nodded at the others and moved to the door, when he gripped the doorknob a jittery kind of energy made his fingers shake, though in honesty he couldn’t have called it fear.
He smiled pleasantly and opened the door. “Hello. You must be – ” His eyes met an exceptionally handsome face and a series of expressions he hadn’t been expecting.
The man leaning against the opposite wall of the hallway raised his only eye lazily, eyebrows already arched as if ready to reject the amiable tone on the spot, his gaze met Xie Lian’s and he froze. In a second the look of livid disinterest that had been written on his face morphed into one of shock, then one of horror and then, just as easily, into the warmest smile Xie Lian had ever seen.
“Hello, gege,” he said pleasantly. The eye that wasn’t covered by a black eyepatch curved sweetly and his lips formed a soft smile. “Are you a friend of He Xuan?”
Xie Lian wondered briefly if it could be possible that, after all, the daoist masters of the past had been right and gods did in fact occasionally roam the earth. “Ah, I – we’re getting to know each other.”
The smile froze into something eery on the man’s face.
“Not in that sense!” Xie Lian rushed to explain and warmth immediately returned to the pitch-black stare fixed on him. “I’m Shi Qingxuan’s friend, Xie Lian. I was here to…help He Xuan, actually.” Truth would come out soon anyway, he mused, so he soldiered on. “I was the one to text you, Hua Cheng.”
To his surprise none of the otherworldly, earth-shattering fury he had expected came sharpening Hua Cheng’s soft, attentive gaze. “Nice to meet you, gege,” he said instead, eye squinting even more in pleasure like a spoiled cat stretching in a patch of sunlight. “Gege should call this one San Lang. I am terribly sorry for how I replied to your texts,” he said, looking genuinely contrite.
For having been dumped less than an hour before Hua Cheng didn’t seem particularly concerned with He Xuan.
Xie Lian found himself sharing the feeling. “Nice to meet you too, San Lang.” He offered a bright smile, leaving behind the polite one he had worn as he opened the door. “Don’t worry about that. Should we get inside?”
The question came just as naturally as the whispered, “No!” he heard from inside the apartment. Hua Cheng didn’t show to care about it more than Xie Lian did.
Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end and the relaxed atmosphere changed into one of furious coldness as soon as they stepped inside and the door closed behind.
“Didn’t he say not to come bother me anymore?” He Xuan spat out as a way of greeting.
Hua Cheng looked utterly calm. “Yes, he did say that, alongside many other things,” he replied dreadfully placid. He sounded bored, perfectly at ease, as if a snap of his fingers could have made the building turn to rubble. Xie Lian thought it would have been a wondreous sight to behold if he let him get his way.
Without letting his imagination run freely he cleared his throat, claiming the attension back to himself. “San Lang, I think we should all talk about it calmly, since you’re already here.”
“Of course, gege,” Hua Cheng replied pleasantly, all fury gone, at the same time as He Xuan let out an astonished, “San Lang!?”
It took He Xuan a moment to get over the shock, then he asked, voice openly incredulous, “Do you know each other?”
“Not yet,” Hua Cheng supplied without hesitation and turned to give Xie Lian a look that was every bit that of a mischievous child with his pockets full of stolen candies. Xie Lian couldn’t help a grin as he followed him to the empty sofa and sat down at his side.
Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan took place on the sofa in front of them, on the other side of a low coffee table, not bothering to hide the disbelief in their stare. Xie Lian was about to start a long, heartfelt explanation about relationships changing in life when Hua Cheng spoke first. “So, what does gege do for a living?”
Xie Lian, lips already parted to speak, stopped in his tracks, mouth still agape. It took him a moment to register the impish look in Hua Cheng’s single eye and respond with a chiding click of his tongue. “Ah, San Lang, we’re not here to discuss this. We should talk about you and He Xuan.”
“But gege, I really don’t want to talk about him,” Hua Cheng bit back not the least bit ashamed of the fact that it sounded, undeniably, like a petulant whine. On the other side of the coffee table someone audibly sucked in a breath.
Ignoring the sound, Xie Lian stared at Hua Cheng with a look that had every intention of being reprimanding. “San Lang, this is important. You surely want to know why He Xuan wants to break up with you.”
He was not met with the reaction he had expected.
“Break up!?” Two twin, outraged voices yelled, in agreement for the first time.
“Gege, how could you think I would be with him!” Hua Cheng protested, looking terribly offended, as if Xie Lian hadn’t known him for less than five minutes.
For his part, He Xuan didn’t sound any less indignant about the idea. “Break up?! You think I hired you to break up with him?”
“Once again, you didn’t hire me…” Xie Lian was interrupted before he could really make his point.
“I don’t pay you because we’re in a relationship!”
“You don’t pay me at all…”
“He’s not a…partner,” He Xuan spat out the word as if the mere sound of it disgusted him. “He’s just an…”
“Acquaintance,” Hua Cheng supplied. “He Xuan’s a nuisance, if anything.”
He Xuan was equally miffed. “He’s just Hua Cheng. What the fuck, Qingxuan why did you tell him we were together?”
Curled up in a corner of the sofa Shi Qingxuan was hesitant to speak for what was, in Xie Lian’s experience, the first time in his life. “I…thought you were together?” They murmured after a moment.
Silence reigned in the small living room. Only the buzz of the air conditioning was brave enough to respond to their words.
“When I talked about Xie Lian writing break-up texts for my friends you told me you wanted him to write something for you….I assumed you needed help breaking up with someone!”
Everyone paused. Even the air-conditioninug gave a small rattling sound as if ill at ease.
“So all those texts were because you thought He Xuan wanted to break up with me?” Hua Cheng asked after a while, his attention once again focused on Xie Lian even as his words bore an unmistakable trace of disgust.
Xie Lian nodded. “That’s what I thought. I understand now that it might have been another type of relationship entirely.”
“Entirely!” Hua Cheng’s confirmation sounded slightly urgent. “I would never date someone like him, gege. He just owes me a lot of money and pillages my fridge regularly.”
On the sofa opposite to them He Xuan gave a grunt that could have been one of assent just as well as one of displeasure.
“Then,” Shi Qingxuan wondered with some hesitation. “What did you need Xie Lian’s help for?”
“To get him off my back!” To his credit, He Xuan’s voice was perfectly steady, even as Hua Cheng shot him a murderous glare looking every bit like someone who would make good of a threat. “I’m not listening to you talk about your savior-gege another time. Especially now that he’s back in town, you’re getting obsessive. He probably doesn’t even remember you!”
As if sensing the potential for later gossip, Shi Qingxuan slowly straightened their back and leaned in, as if to bridge the distance across the table that separated them from a good story. “So…this gege of yours, He Xuan told us a bit about him. How did the two of you meet?”
At Xie Lian’s side Hua Cheng sat up straighter, shifting from the careless sprawl he was in to something more composed. For the first time in the evening there was a slight tension to his posture. “He saved me when I was young and then tutored me for a while,” he replied, calm but succinct.
Shi Qingxuan hummed thoughtfully. “So you’re looking for him to ask him out?”
This time it wasn’t Hua Cheng that replied but He Xuan with a snorted laugh. “To say what, I had a crush on you when I was fifteen and have been wanting to ask you out since? It’s creepy.”
“It’s sweet,” Xie Lian said curtly and only realized his expression had been quite dark when He Xuan looked at him with the same apprehension he reserved for Hua Cheng. When He Xuan’s gaze flickered to Xie Lian’s right he followed its line and found Hua Cheng staring at him, surprise and awe in his wide eye.
“Gege is generous,” he said, turning to look at his own hands with a soft smile. “To answer your question, no I wouldn’t. I’m not looking for him to ask him out, even though I won’t deny my feelings for him.” His eye darted to Xie Lian before they settled on Shi Qingxuan to properly address their question. “When we were young he went through terrible things, I could only watch him suffer without being able to help in any way. None of his friends or the people that used to be close to him lifted a finger and after he moved away I suspect life wasn’t easy for him. I just want to make sure he’s well, that he lives the life he deserves. I don’t want to burden him with my affection, I would be happy to just be useful to him, to be able to help this time around.”
The room fell silent again. Xie Lian found himself battling different emotions. As moved as he was by the gentle thought, an acrid taste coated his tongue, like he’d been parched for too long and had tried to quench his thirst with the first thing he found, only to end up gulping down vinegar instead of water.
When he spoke, Xie Lian’s voice was particularly low. “If this person really found himself as alone as you say he was, I think he would be very happy to find out that someone cares so much for him and to know that even back then someone was still on his side.”
He offered Hua Cheng a small smile and was rewarded with one that was equally soft. “Does gege not think it’s wrong, that I would want this even after all this time?” Hua Cheng asked as if Xie Lian’s opinion was the only one that mattered on the subject.
Smiling wrily Xie Lian shook his head. “If this person really left such an important impression on you then one can only be jealous of such a connection, it’s not something that can be created at will. Since you seem very respectful of this person and I don’t think you would do anything that would make him uncomfortable, then why should it be wrong? He can count on you if he wants to and be left alone if he doesn’t want the help. To me this person seems very lucky to have met San Lang in the first place.”
Hua Cheng observed him with a rapt sort of admiration. “I’m the one who lucked out when I met him,” he said simply, after a moment.
Shi Qingxuan lightly clearing their throat stopped Xie Lian from saying more. He turned towards them and Hua Cheng did the same. “Hua Cheng, you really aren’t how I was expecting you from how He-xiong talked about you! No offense.” Next to them He Xuan stared intently at Xie Lian, only bothering to throw a fleeting glare in Shi Qingxuan’s direction at their words. “Isn’t he…” Shi Qingxuan added, elbowing He Xuan for good measure. “Quite a romantic?”
He Xuan’s stare stayed somberly fixed on the couple in front of him. “Yeah,” he drawled, gaze once more intent on Xie Lian as if studying him closely. “Quite romantic.”
“So,” Xie Lian exclaimed, clapping his palms on his thighs to break the tension that seemed to travel straight towards him from the sofa opposite to him. “Are you staying for dinner, San Lang?”
Having dinner with Hua Cheng turned out to be the best idea Xie Lian had had in possibly a decade.
To begin with, when blanched expressions and sound refusals met Xie Lian’s offer to help with the cooking, Hua Cheng was the only one to welcome the prospect enthusiastically. If that could have been ascribed to a well-meaning ignorance, the fact that he actually ate what came out of the burnt pan was a testament to his sincerity. He prepared the dish with Xie Lian as if it was the occasion of a lifetime and seemed to genuinely enjoy the cooking as well as the tasting when the purplish blob was done.
Conversation with him flowed easily and – even though halfway through dinner Xie Lian’s cheeks hurt from laughter – he didn’t shy away from more uncomfortable topics, ones that even Xie Lian’s few friends tended to avoid.
He asked about his job as a cleaner in a school, about his dangerously cramped apartment on the ouskirts of the city and about the extenuating commute it took from one place to the other. When the details of his stories started hinting at a life less than glamorous he didn’t stir away from the ugly but asked about it with a light attentiveness that didn’t judge, didn’t pry but was interested.
When talking about himself, he shared about his job in an architecture firm with the same ease with which he talked about growing up in less than favourable conditions. If Xie Lian mentioned a room being too small he had suggestions for how to make the best with the space he had, if he talked about the soup he made to eat more with less he recounted his own experiences to offer inputs on ingredients. His eye bore an unmistakable sadness when Xie Lian opened up about the hardships of his day-to-day but it never came with pity.
“Gege could come by my office when he gets off work,” Hua Cheng mentioned idly as he chewed on the remnants of vegetables that floated in his wanna-be stir-fry soup. “Your house should be on the way to mine and I have to go to work by car, this way you could keep me company as I drive. It’s so boring alone.” The pout he gave to drive the point home looked exceptionally peculiar on a face as sharply cut as his. He Xuan and Shi Qingxuan seemed to be thinking the same if their wide eyes were anything to go by.
“Ah, San Lang, I doubt my apartment is on the way of anyone’s house, really,” Xie Lian protested, thought it didn’t wash off the smile he had sported all evening.
“Gege’s right, it might take us a while. Then perhaps we should eat together on the way, to save some time. This way gege can keep me company for dinner too, cooking for just one person really is too bothersome.”
To that Xie Lian only laughed and went back to eating the soup that had long gone lukewarm. Hua Cheng seemed satisfied by his response.
“That seems like a nice routine!” Shi Qingxuan chimed in merrily. “Maybe we can join you sometimes.”
They got an indiscernible grunt from He Xuan, who was entirely focused on his steamed fish and apparently took it as assent. Nodding satisfied Shi Qingxuan went on. “Architect, seems like a though job to get. You must have studied a lot! Did your old tutor inspire you to become a diligent student?”
Hua Cheng’s lips curved into a smile. “I wouldn’t define myself diligent, exactly, but I owe it to him if I was able to pursue any education. Art in particular.”
“Oh, was he an artist?” Xie Lian asked, though the new topic had slightly quieted his enthusiasm.
Hua Cheng replied with a crease around his eye that felt like a wink. “More like a muse,” he said lightly. “He caught me drawing once and saw some talent in it. He encouraged me to keep working on my art and I did. I still prefer painting, but architecture seemed the best option to find a job so I went for it, at least as a starting point.”
“Ohh!” Shi Qingxuan cooed. “And what were you drawing that time?”
Oddly, Hua Cheng hesitated for a moment. “Him,” he answered sounding a little stilted.
Shi Qingxuan hummed knowingly in reply. “Tell us more about him! This sounds so much like a movie! Doesn’t it, He-xiong?”
For the first time since dinner had been mentioned He Xuan’s attention focused again on the conversation. “Yes,” he said with an interested tone that sounded odd on him. “Tell us more about him, Hua Cheng. Like where did you meet, exactly? What did he do to save you?”
Shi Qingxuan almost squealed in excitement at the question. Xie Lian too was curious to know more about this mythical figure, even though he tasted a bitterness that had little to do with the charred quality of his dish.
“I already told you most of it,” Hua Cheng said calmly, sounding almost detached. “He found me getting beaten after school once and stepped in to chase away the bullies.”
Although he sat languidly in his seat as he had done all evening, playing with one of his chopsticks like an unruly child, there was a tension to him that was new. The details he relayed were sparse, the tone of his voice flat and the line of his shoulder wasn’t as relaxed as it had been before.
“Bullying really is a problem that sprouts everywhere,” Xie Lian said on instinct, wanting to stir the conversation back to something idle and away from a topic that visibly troubled Hua Cheng. “When I was young something similar happened to me, I found a kid being bullied in the streets and luckily I saw them before they could do too much damage.”
Shi Qingxuan’s expression immediately morphed into one of concern. “Oh that sounds terrible. It’s lucky you were there! Was the kid alright?”
“He’d been roughed up quite a little but fortunately it was nothing serious. I brought him home with me and patched him up as best as I could. It was lucky that I met him though, I got him to start coming to an after-school program where I volunteered as a tutor.”
Shi Qingxuan eyed him curiously for a moment, eyes shifting briefly to Hua Cheng next to him. “Well, that surely is a coincidence…”
“Does gege still do any volunteer work?” Hua Cheng asked promptly. “I’d see you well working at a pet shelter.”
“Ah, no, not really!” Xie Lian took the change in subject easily, glad his efforts to shift the conversation had paid off. “Between working at the school, commuting and the other spare jobs that I take on sometimes, I really don’t have time for it anymore.”
“Of course, gege is very busy,” Hua Cheng commented easily. “They tried getting me to do some volunteering for a company project but that didn’t turn out as they expected,” he added launching into a story about him terrorizing what he called the rabble during a conveniently not-retributed project he’d been sent to on a weekend. By the time his tale was over Xie Lian had forgotten what they had been discussing before.
Shi Qingxuan, unfortunately, didn’t seem to suffer from the same memory faults.
“I didn’t know you used to volunteer as tutor, A-Lian,” they said playing with a roasted mushroom. “How was the kid you were talking about?”
“My memory really isn’t the best,” Xie Lian replied, sensing tension mount again on their side of the table. “I remember he was nice, though. A menace to anyone else but he was sweet with me.” He hummed, trying to recall more details from the fog he’d plunged most of his memories in. “Oh, he had amazing eyes, one red, one black. Incredible.”
Next to him Hua Cheng breathed in sharply. When he turned Xie Lian found him already looking back, mouth slightly agape as if to say something.
“Is something wrong?” Xie Lian asked, awkwardly stopping himself from reaching out only half-way through the movement.
Hua Cheng promptly flashed him a smile. “Nothing to worry about, gege. I just remembered I have to wake up pretty early tomorrow so I’d better get going,” he said already starting to stand up from his seat. “It has been a pleasure meeting you. Maybe we could stay in touch, so that gege can decide how he wants to organize our carpool to work?” He grinned widely as he spoke and Xie Lian was nearly distracted enough not to notice the stiffness in his movements.
Despite the strange atmosphere Xie Lian got up as well, starting to lead Hua Cheng to the door. “Of course, I’d love that. Even though I can’t possibly impose with the carpool.”
“We’ll see about that,” Hua Cheng replied with a glint in his eye that made it difficult to believe him convinced.
As they exchanged contacts He Xuan and Shi Qingxuan followed them to the small entryway and hovered silently behind them. Hua Cheng had already his hand on the doorknob when He Xuan called him, tone cold but eyes spirited. “Hua Cheng,” he drawled, scratching lazily below his ear. “What was the name of the program where you met that gege of yours?”
Hua Cheng froze with his fingers still hovering over the handle. He turned slowly, meeting He Xuan with a cutting grin. “I don’t think that’s relevant now, He Xuan.”
“Ahah, well,” Shi Qingxuan cut in, laugh too nervous to sound anywhere near natural. “I think it would be nice to know.”
Hua Cheng observed the two of them before turning to Xie Lian with a wary expression. He sighed and let his hand fall from the handle. He admitted the name as if to a crime, eye fixed on Xie Lian like a convict asking forgiveness. “Dao shan xue hai[2].”
The piece fell into place with sudden clarity. Xie Lian stared back at Hua Cheng in a hazy rush of understanding.
He watched wide-eyed as Hua Cheng’s expression turned from anxious to alarmed, though his voice wasn’t rushed when he started talking. “Gege, I don’t know what He Xuan told you about the person I was looking for. I assure you, I had no presumption, no expectation whatsoever I just wanted to be there.” He tooke a deep breath in before continuing. “You did so much for me, back then, and when your parents’ company went down and they,” he paused, the air coming out sharply from his nose. “When you were left alone I was still a nobody that couldn’t help you.”
“The flower on the windowsill.” The words sounded distant and didn’t match the subject but Xie Lian found himself recalling the small, wildflower from the depth of his most dreaded memories. “Was it you? Did you leave it for me back then?”
“Yes.” Hua Cheng’s tone was that of another grim confession. “You saved me when my life was bleak. Every day you stepped inside that dingy classroom I grew more determined to keep living and find a way out, yet when you lost everything I could do nothing.” He gritted out the words even though his voice stayed even. “I just want a chance to be there, for anything you might need.”
Xie Lian sighed. Pressing a hand to his temple he took a step back, feeling a pang of dejection. “You don’t have to repay me or anything, if that’s what you’re feeling. Really, you don’t owe me a thing, I’m just happy I could help.”
“No.” Hua Cheng’s eye had instantly lost all the despondency and was alight with resolve. “Gege misunderstands. This is not done out of obligation, I just selfishly wanted to find you and carve myself a place in your life once again, however small it might be. I want to know that you’re well and that I can help you if you need it, if you want me too, but I also wish to get to know you. Not just like a misbehaving rascal in a charity project.”
Xie Lian found himself smiling at that. The curve of his lips widened when he saw it reciprocated on Hua Cheng’s face, hesitantly at first then grinning with a wild sort of joy. “I would really like that,” he said easily. “Although I should warn you that you might find me quite different from what you remember…”
“Nonsense,” Hua Cheng countered immediately, the smile still etched on his lips. “Gege hasn’t changed one bit.” At Xie Lian’s disbelieving snort he added, “I was almost afraid you would ask to see my homework.”
Xie Lian openly laughed at that. “En, I might have to check it after leaving you unsupervised all this time.”
Hua Cheng beamed as if he’d just been promised a winning lottery ticket.
“Then,” Xie Lian wondered a bit hesitantly. “Since you were already leaving, maybe I could take you up on that carpooling offer for tonight as well? My house is actually quite far but I could make you some tea when we get there.”
Hua Cheng opened the door without waiting a second, eye glinting as if he’d been invited to dinner by a king. “Of course,” he said leaving room for Xie Lian to exit first even though he was running to retrieve his jacket and struggling to put his shoes back on. “I could also help fix the sink that yous said was starting to trouble you,” he said enthusiastically, as if that prospect alone would keep him up at night with excitement.
“I also have a door to fix!” Xie Lian countered just as happily, striding out of the open door with Hua Cheng following close behind him. “It’s already quite late though and it will be a lot of work to do. You could stay the night if you want to.”
The sound of Hua Cheng’s steps faltered behind him but when he turned he was steady on his feet and expression even. “Gege’s so considerate, this one would be honoured,” he said with mirth and still managing to sound sincere.
“Ah, San Lang, no honor at all, actually it’s better if you decide when you see the place.”
Hua Cheng nodded still grinning. “En, let’s see then,” he said making it perfectly clear that his answer wouldn’t change even if Xie Lian’s place were flooded with boiling water.
Their voices echoed in the hallway as they started walking down the stairs. It didn’t occur them that they were on the sixth floor. “San Lang…what happened to your eye? Was it another fight?” Xie Lian asked keeping his voice down though it still reverberated around them.
Hua Cheng didn’t seem to mind. “En, another fight. It was a lot of time ago.”
“It must have been terrible for you, you must have been so scared. Does it still hurt?” His tone was somber but Hua Cheng’s lips were still upturned and he simply gave a shrug.
“It was back then but I was never fond of the thing anyway. Good riddance. It doesn’t hurt anymore now.” He hesitated for a moment then added in a softer voice. “Did gege really like it, back then? My eye?”
“Of course! It was mezmerizing! The eyepatch suits you too though, very mysterious,” Xie Lian replied cheerfully, earning another arresting smile.
They took a couple of steps in silence and Xie Lian basked in the moment in a way he had long forgotten. “Ah, tonight was really so exciting, I had forgotten it was so easy to be happy,” he commented idly, only realizing his words once they were out of his mouth.
Next to him Hua Cheng blinked and seemed to be incapable of replying for a moment. When Xie Lian dared meeting his gaze Hua Cheng simply offered a soft smile that looked strangely timid on him. “Mn, this one had forgotten too.”
They descended the remaining steps in a thrilled kind of silence and though they didn’t say anymore, they walked a little closer together.
Some floors above, on the threshold of Shi Qingxuan’s apartment, two sets of eyes stared at the empty air and listened to the echo of their voices growing distant.
“Wasn’t Xie Lian that pure, chaste friend you could never get to go out with anyone?” He Xuan asked distantly.
Shi Qingxuan replied with equal stupor in their voice. “Yes.”
“The ‘not even a model could sway him’ friend?”
“That’s him.”
Sighing loudly, Shi Qingxuan gestured for them to get back inside. “As far as I know he’s never invited anyone for the night. This is really…”
With a loud groan He Xuan closed the door behind the two of them. “He’s gonna become even more insufferable! I will need Xie Lian to dump him all over again!”
After that evening, time started passing with a touch of unrealness to it.
On the first night Xie Lian made them tea, oversteeped it and then showed Hua Cheng to the sink that needed tending to. An hour later Hua Cheng, a bit bashfully, agreed with him that it couldn’t be saved and that they should call it a night. Neither of them mentioned the possibility of Hua Cheng going back to his place and neither considered that he could sleep on the sofa. They both politely curled up each on one side of the bed and woke up that way.
The next day Hua Cheng insisted on taking Xie Lian to work and suggested they meet in front of his office that night so that he could drive him back. Xie Lian didn’t put up much of a fight and the day both flew by and never seemed to pass as he flitted from one classroom to the other with a flurry of children following him and asking him why he was grinning so much. When Hua Cheng met him in front of the tall office building with an artfully dishevelled suit and a wide smile they walked to the car talking aimlessly about their day and both went back to Xie Lian’s apartment as if by agreement.
The following morning Xie Lian woke up to a flawlessly fixed door.
The next day he woke up to a groggy looking Hua Cheng clinging to his side, too drowsy still to apologize for the closeness. That day Xie Lian was unable to stop himself from going back to the way Hua Cheng had looked with his hair mussed and his eyepatch slightly askew, fingers weakly fisted in Xie Lian’s shirt as he begged for five more minutes. That night he was panting against Hua Cheng’s lips, sitting on the sofa with dinner forgotten on the stove as they stared at each other with wide eyes before falling into another kiss.
They never woke up another morning politely divided by space in the middle of the bed and, more often than not, Xie Lian’s days were occupied by thoughts of the hazy gaze Hua Cheng sported in the morning and the hungry kisses that followed when it cleared enough. Hua Cheng seemed to bee often similarly occupied, because Xie Lian received many texts that ranged from praising his ethreal looks in the cold light of early morning as well as the way his hands roamed warmly over Hua Cheng’s skin at night.
Most of all, though, their conversation soon became one of pleasant domesticity, made of groceries for meals they wanted to try, hacks for repairing stubborn sinks and ideas to spend a Saturday afternoon. Especially, after Hua Cheng spent a well-meaning night at his own apartment in an evident effort to show that he was able to make himself scarce and Xie Lian made it clear that such an occurrence was not particularly appreciated. After that, an impressive amount of red clothes made its way to Xie Lian’s half empty closet and Hua Cheng didn’t go back to his own place for another night.
It was only a few weeks later that Xie Lian – and Hua Cheng – were invited once again to have dinner at Shi Qingxuan’s place but it felt like a lifetime had passed in that time. When they arrived with a thoroughly blackened batch of mantou to offer their host, He Xuan was looming behind Shi Qingxuan’s shoulder in the doorway.
“You’re here too,” he grunted Hua Cheng way. “Doesn’t matter. Xie Lian, I have another job for you.”
What followed was a succinct – and clearly evasive – recount of He Xuan’s dealings with a guy named Ming Yi that may or may not have fallen into the category of identity fraud. Xie Lian had long since learned that He Xuan used his break-up services for what were decidedly not romantic partners but the arm he kept slung over Shi Qingxuan’s shoulder at all times chased away any possible doubt if there were any.
“Gege doesn’t have to do it if he doesn’t feel like it,” Hua Cheng offered helpfully and spitefully in He Xuan’s direction when the recap was done.
With a grin Xie Lian took the familiar phone he’d first used to “break-up” with the man clingily draped over his back as if unable to stand on his own. “It’s alright, San Lang. I’m sure this one at least won’t end up with the man asking me to fuck off.”
The rest of the evening was spent with Hua Cheng groveling and apologizing with a shameless pout until he was promised forgiveness in exchange for a full-time calligraphy lesson, “ like in the old times”.
[1]In Chinese tradition it is believed that being beaten with a broom will bring bad luck. (According to my research at least.) Also Xie Lian is a cleaner, so, LOL
[2]道山学海。- Dào shān xué hǎi. It literally means “Mountain of Dao, sea of learning”, as if saying that learning is as high as the mountains and as wide as the seas.