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It had taken weeks for Bucky to fully recover physically after Steve first found him again in D.C. Since pulling him out of the river, Bucky had been staying with Steve in the Avengers tower in his own little isolated room close to Steve’s. Steve thought this would be helpful— being close to his best friend may help him recover memories, and he could be monitored closely in case of any drastic changes in his health. It has been relatively smooth, granted they're only a few weeks in, but Bucky seems to be in much better physical health than before. He’s able to keep down full meals, he remembers to eat and drink water on his own now, his skin looks less dull, he still isn't exactly sleeping very well, but he’s sleeping more than he had when he first arrived. Any progress is good progress.
HYDRA had kept him on a cocktail of drugs while he was imprisoned by them, anything to make him more docile— or “in line”, they'd use on him. They even used fucking MPA on him. Chemical castration. Steve was livid when he found this out, livid. He had to be kicked out of the tower to go and clear his mind. Not like it really helped, but he was being intense and figured it was best for everyone involved if he at least tried to cool off.
Bucky was on a week-long detox and it was hell. He was on a specialized diet, which never actually stayed in his stomach, he'd always throw it all up soon after eating it. He was always so hot and sweaty, his hands trembled and shook violently, he ached all over— it sucked. It was worth it all in the end, he feels drastically better, but it was not easy.
The following weeks went smoother, other than a slight change in his demeanor, he acted more like a person with feelings rather than catatonic, he felt relatively the same. Nothing else changed really, he just felt a little better overall. Until this morning. For the first time in what feels like forever, he woke up with morning wood.
He can't even remember the last time this happened to him, he has no clue what to do. He tried ignoring it at first. He woke up earlier than he usually does and just laid in bed for a while, hoping it would just die down on its own. After that didn't work, he distracted himself with some light reading. He always kept a book in his bedside drawer and he is extra grateful he’s too lazy at night to get up and put it away properly. After that too didn't work, it started to get painful. Really painful.
Sure he knew what masturbation was, technically, but HYDRA wanted nothing good to retain in his mind so stuff like that— he didn’t really know how to do it, for the lack of a better term. Just like kissing or physical affection, he knew what all those were, but they just felt so unnatural to him it was awkward trying to do them. When he was a bit more conscious and self aware, Steve hugged him, and he froze up completely. He remembered that kind of stuff, he wasn't dumb— but it all just felt weird.
He knew that yes, technically, he should try and fix his situation, especially since Tuesday mornings one of his recovery plans is to go out on a run with Steve. He doesn't want Steve to think anything is wrong, so he can't just cancel with no warning, but he can't go out and do anything like this.
He finally decides that he should do something, so with heavy hesitation, he pulls his covers down just past his knees. He takes a deep shaky breath as he stares down at his issue, giving himself a moment to calm himself down, he rids himself of his boxers.
He tries to continue, but his hand is shaking like a leaf as he tentatively wraps it around his aching dick. He's scared of this. He's terrified of doing anything more than this, he can feel his chest start to ache at just the mere thought of continuing. He must've been too preoccupied with calming himself down; he doesn't hear the light knock against his room door, followed by a softly spoken— “Bucky? Are you awake yet?”
Bucky’s gaze shoots up and he makes eye contact with Steve, thank god it's Steve. He doesn't make an effort to move, he just stares at Steve like a deer in headlights.
“Steve.” His panic must be very evident, because Steve steps into his room fully and quickly shuts the door behind him.
“Buck, Are you okay?” He can see Steve's eyes flicker down to Bucky’s “issue” for just a moment before they're right back up looking in his eyes. He tries to keep his face neutral best he can to avoid making the situation worse.
“Yeah— I am. I didn't realize what time it was, I’m sorry.” He starts to relax as he speaks to Steve, this should feel so awkward. His lifelong friend walked in on him with his dick in his hand, but he hasn't felt this relaxed since waking up this morning.
“Bucky, what is going on? You look—”
Bucky was quick to cut him off, "I'm fine Steve. This just— It's been a while since,”
It's Steve's turn to interrupt, “Do you want help?”
“What?” Bucky isn't sure he heard that right.
“You just— you look sacred, Buck, will it help if I just… sit here?”
Bucky just sat there, staring at Steve. Trying to decipher if he was kidding or not. It didn't seem like Steve, he may not have all his memories of the two of them back yet but, this just doesn't feel like something Steve would ever joke about. Technically he was Bucky’s recovery buddy; they basically share an en-suite, and Steve takes him everywhere. Even to his therapy sessions, he's always there for Bucky, but this doesn't feel like something he should be here for. But, Bucky is scared, and it hurts, and all he's ever wanted is Steve by him when things hurt. So he nods.
Steve is by him in an instant, trying his hardest to maintain eye contact. He sits on the edge of the bed, sitting just close enough Bucky could hit his lower back with just his calf. It’s nice, the room feels much warmer and breathing is a lot easier now that Steve is here. All the nervous energy surrounding Bucky is gone.
“Do you, uh, have anything to help?” Steve’s voice is a bit shaky, but he does his best to keep it level and calm for Bucky.
“No?”
Steve clears his throat before nodding, “Right, of course, um.” he looks around before dipping into the bathroom a moment. He isn't gone long before he returns with a small hotel size bottle of lotion. He hands it out to Buck, looking anywhere but right at him. “This will help.”
Bucky tentatively takes it as Steve returns to his previous sitting spot. It really is some unscented hotel lotion, not the best but hey, he isn't in much of a position to complain about what he gets to use as lube right now. No one could have been prepared for this really, he’ll get what he can get.
“Thank you…” He takes a deep shuttering breath as he lathers his hand up with lube, before rewrapping it around his dick. A huge shutter rips through his body, both from pleasure and how cold the lotion had been. Steve looks concerned for a moment, but relaxes moments later when he sees Bucky is just fine.
All Steve can focus on are the little puffs of breath and small whiney moans that leave Bucky’s lips. He's trying so hard to remain unaffected by all of this, he just needs to be here so that Bucky isn't scared, not… get off on this. He’s doing his best to keep his eyes locked onto Bucky’s face, but all he can see are the slight jerks of his shoulder as he moves his hand up and down his shaft. Steve holds out as long as he can, but as soon as Bucky bites down on his lip to stifle a particularly loud moan, it's all over for him. Before he can even think about what he's doing, he starts to speak.
“There you go Bucky, you're doing so good. Keep going.”
Bucky’s breath hitches and he looks back up at Steve with shock. Steve's gaze has since fallen from his face down to Bucky’s dick. All of his movements stopped, prompting Steve to gently hold Bucky’s wrist.
“Here, like this. Move your hand up, pay attention to the head a little anytime you pass it. It’ll feel good,” After Bucky makes no move to continue himself, Steve starts to slowly guide his movements back to a steady pace.
“Steve— Fuck!” Bucky's non-preoccupied hand flies up to cover his own mouth, his teeth biting around his metal fingers gently. This does feel so good, how'd he know? Once Bucky had taken the hint and started moving by himself, Steve let go of his wrist to grab his metal hand, pulling it out of his mouth and down into Steve's lap. Interlocking their fingers together.
“No one else can hear you, don’t hold back.”
Bucky lets out a pathetic whine, a violent shiver racking through his body. It feels so intense, his whole body just feels like it's vibrating. It's getting harder to keep pace like this, he's shaking like he's cold but his body is slick with sweat. It's such an odd feeling.
A gentle tug on his hand from Steve causes him to shift forward, his head thudding against Steve's shoulder. He’s so close, almost in his lap at this point. He doesn't think he'd particularly mind that right now though.
“There you go Bucky, just lean on me, it's okay. Focus on how good it feels, that's it.”
Anything Steve says gets a rise out of Bucky, whines and moans flood out of his throat and he's unable to stop them. He can feel the almost familiar warm feeling pool in his stomach as Steve keeps on rambling on and on. Telling Bucky how pretty he sounds, you're almost there, keep going. It's driving Bucky crazy.
He arches up, shoving his head onto the crook of Steve's neck. The hand that's intertwined with Steve tightens, almost into a bone crushing grasp. If it bugged Steve at all, he didn't say anything about it. Bucky’s working arm bumps against Steve’s in a continuous yet faltering pattern, just like Steve said, he's close. With one final breathy moan seconds later, followed by a sharp bite to Steve's neck, Bucky cums.
It's messy. It gets all over Bucky’s hand, arm, shit even Steve’s arm. Again, if it bugged Steve, he didn't say anything. He just simply lays Bucky down with a soft kiss to his temple, leaving his side momentarily to grab a wetted towel to clean the both of them up. Bucky lets him, mainly because he knows if he tries at all to help, Steve will brush him off and insist on doing this himself. Because that's just so Steve.
“Sorry.” Bucky still manages to mumble out, this morning was supposed to be their running day, and he's now way too exhausted to do anything. He doesn't remember it being like this, so tiring, but he just assumes it's because this hasn't really happened to him in almost 70 years.
“Oh, don't be sorry Buck.” Steve stands by his side, pulling up a thin blanket to cover Bucky up, giving him some resemblance of modesty. “I’d do anything to help you out, Bucky. There's plenty of other days we can go for a run on, don't worry about it.”
When Steve makes a move to leave, Bucky quickly grabs his arm in a grasp that's a bit too rough. He softens it almost immediately once he realizes though. “Sorry. Stay? Please.”
Steve responds with a soft smile, a wordless yes as he crawls into bed beside Bucky. They lay side by side for a good while, a couple inches apart from each other. Bucky’s eyes flutter open and closed every few minutes.
“Steve?”
“Yeah, Buck?”
“Thank you.” He responds quietly, finally giving in and closing his eyes. Its early, he can nap without it affecting his sleep later tonight. Steve laughs behind him, scooting closer to wrap a gentle arm around Bucky’s waist.
“Anything for you, Bucky.”