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"So hey," John said, and gave Jennifer a grin and a rakish waggle of one eyebrow. "I hear congratulations are in order."
Jennifer made a face. "Which one of my husbands leaked the news?"
John raised his hands, palms out. "I don't give up my sources," he said. "Especially since I know both of them can kick my ass any given day."
"Well." Jennifer sighed. "Just don't spread it around. We're past 15 weeks, but still..."
John nodded easily, and that was when Jennifer remembered that he'd lost his first child. She knew her embarrassment showed on her face – she had a terrible poker face – and she caught John's brief grimace before his expression smoothed, pretending he didn't know what she was thinking.
"Can I ask you a question?" she asked, abrupt, and crossed her arms, curling her fingers around her elbows. She was always cold these days; something hormonal, she was fairly sure. She tipped her head at the balcony and the golden spill of sunwarmth there, and John followed her out, light on his feet and wary.
John joined her at the railing, looking down over the city's spires. "I probably won't be much help," he said apologetically. "Oh, unless you need some good elastic socks. And extra-large hoodies, I've got a box of those still in the closet somewhere." He rolled his eyes in self-mockery. "Hand-me-downs I can do, not so good with advice. Or whatever."
"My mother emailed me a bunch of books," Jennifer said. John looked relieved. "No, but what I, I wanted to ask you – are you still in love with Cam?"
John went very still, from the inside out, like a deer sensing a threat. He looked at Jennifer sidelong, curled the corner of his mouth up in what was not in any way a smile, and said, "I never was."
Jennifer blinked. She was used to Cam's personal brand of bullshit, and the sparse framework of Ronon's speech, but John had a way of... flustering her.
John made a face, blowing out air and anger, obviously trying to put words to something that he didn't know how to express. Finally he said, "If I'd loved him, he wouldn't have left me all those years ago, so it's better for everyone that..." He shrugged, shaking tension from his shoulders. "It was a fucked up situation, and I fucked it up worse."
Jennifer was teetering on the edge of an understanding that made her feel like the stable net of all the relationships around her was suddenly mutable and strange.
"I've also got some baby-name books," John added, face brightening. "And hey, if you need a crib or diapers or whatever. I probably owe you a few years' worth of babysitting."
Jennifer grabbed the offer like a safety line. "Can I get you to put that in writing?" she asked, teasing weakly. John chuckled, and warned her against drinking coffee, and Jennifer bumped shoulders with him, because that had been her advice to him, years ago.
Over dinner that night, she took advantage of Cam having to work late to ask Ronon if he knew that John was still in love with Cam.
"Doesn't change anything," Ronon said, leaning back in his chair and eyeing her as if hoping that this didn't turn into a long discussion of feelings.
Jennifer stuck her tongue out. "Why am I the last person to know?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "And did you tell John about – " her cheeks heated – "you know. Our baby."
Ronon shrugged. "I was happy. He guessed. Was I supposed to lie?"
Jennifer sighed. "He's a friend, it's okay, but tell everyone else to come ask me."
She saw Ronon sort that away in his mental rules the Earth people live by file, and wondered what people did on Sateda to celebrate pregnancy and childbirth, and whether Ronon would mind being asked.
"Does Cam know how John feels?" she asked, still worrying the problem in her head.
"Doesn't matter," Ronon said, patiently, like it was obvious. "Cam's with us, Sheppard's with McKay, that's not changing."
Jennifer felt a sudden horrible flood of tears, and scrubbed them away with the backs of her hands.
"I'm reading a book," Ronon said, alert and knowledgeable. "Hormones."
Jennifer glared. "You get to say that once. After that, I get violent with the bantos rods." She sighed. "But John's happy?" She hated that she sounded doubtful. She saw evidence of John's happiness every day.
"Yeah," Ronon told her. Jennifer wondered if he was saying that because this was one of the times when he thought he was supposed to lie, of if it was the truth, or if the truth made any difference at all. "We all are," he added, a reassurance and a warning, and Jennifer nodded.
"I'm tired," she said, and got up, holding out a hand. "Come hold me?"
Ronon didn't even bother answering, just wrapped her up in warmth and love, keeping her safe until she fell asleep. In the morning when she woke the secret's sharp edges were already wearing away, like it was something she could hold onto for a very long time.