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Alhaitham finds out by accident.
He didn’t know Kaveh was home, the night before he had complained about the ridiculous amount of time he wasted on a project that ended up being cancelled and heard him say he needed to clear his mind. That, more often than not, meant he was visiting the bar to forget about it by drinking and while he normally returned, he finished off by saying he might as well visit Tighnari so the forest helped him relax.
He had been concerned, of course, it’s not the first time Kaveh has done this and Sumeru is, overall, a safe place but accidents can always happen and Alhaitham finds it pointless to risk himself like that and told him so. As stressed as Kaveh was, however, he didn’t take it in the best way and complained about it until it ended in a mild argument where the other said spending the night at the bar was better.
So the least Alhaitham expects is to find Kaveh in the middle of bandaging a still bleeding cut on his forearm when he pushes the door to the bathroom open at two in the morning.
“Alhaitham, what in the— Get out!”
The first thing he notices is that Kaveh’s voice is not exactly slurred or even affected by the consumption of alcohol. He sounds… distressed and mortified, and his face shows the same plus a small spark of anger that doesn’t really say much. The second is that the wound is deep.
“The bleeding is concerning,” he says instead. “It needs proper care.”
And for a moment, Kaveh looks completely lost in what to say or do. He’s staring at Alhaitham as if he can’t believe what he just heard or as if he can’t quite understand his reaction. The mess of emotions swimming inside of him almost looks violent, tough, he guesses it is understandable.
“No! I told you to get out,” he snaps a moment later, trying to sound only angry. “I can handle things on my own and— Fuck!”
It surely is Alhaitham’s fault for distracting him, but he can immediately see the damage done to the area when blood is quick to soak into the bandage he had wrapped around it, so despite being sure it won’t end well in terms of arguments, he reaches for his uninjured arm and pulls him out of the bathroom.
Despite clearly not wanting to, Kaveh doesn’t say anything or do anything to actually stop him or resist. He’s looking down at the floor, teeth grinding so hard he’s worried about him hurting his jaw, hands balled up into tight fists as Alhaitham drags him back into the living room and makes him sit down before heading back for the necessary things.
Alhaitham is someone who has no issues when it comes to silence. He prefers it, in fact, but the silence that extends when he comes back and falls between both feels abnormal, uncomfortable in a way he doesn’t remember feeling before.
There’s still a bit of resistance from the other when he reaches for his arm, but it’s short-lived, allowing him to extend it towards him to reveal the now completely soaked bandage half-wrapped around it, the amount of blood making him feel dizzy.
Still, it’s far from being the first time he has been in contact or close to blood, so he pulls his mind back from the part that insists how different this is and starts to unwrap it, placing it to the side to then start cleaning the excess of blood to then work on it to pull it close.
But he freezes.
It’s not just that the cut is deep, it’s that there are more cuts.
They’re scars, sure, healed tissue leaving brownish marks, with some deep enough to leave a small bump with a pinkish tone, but they are definitely there and the implications behind it freeze him once more, all while blood still flows out of it.
“I told you I could do it on my own!”
Kaveh’s angry tone, however, brings him back to the present in time to tighten his hold and keep him from moving, resuming his work more efficiently and until the bleeding is under control and he can pull the broken skin closed and bandage it properly.
The silence is still deafening.
His roommate isn’t saying anything and Alhaitham realises he doesn’t know what to say either. Nothing feels appropriate, despite being used to his straightforwardness that most people find insulting, that same part inside his mind seems keen on telling him he can’t go that way right now and how that, at the same time, leaves him lost in how to approach it, then.
The other, on his side, doesn’t seem interested in doing something about the situation either. He’s staring down at his own legs, injured arm close to his chest and his other hand pressed against his knee, his eyes with this reddish tone that leaves clear how he’s feeling.
It’s probably the first time he wishes he knew how to act like a normal human who is sociable by nature.
In the end, however, he starts to pick everything up and cleans everything before heading for the kitchen to prepare that tea Kaveh enjoys after spending a night at the bar and is always complaining about the pain in his head and dryness of his mouth.
When he returns, the other hasn’t moved so he sets the cup on the small table in front of him and heads for the room to bring one of those comfy blankets the other bought because they were apparently better than the ones Alhaitham suggested, and places it at his side. He hesitates for the millionth time but in the end, he settles with sitting across him and reaching for his book.
“Who goes to the bathroom at two?”
Kaveh’s voice cuts the heavy silence despite not being louder than a whisper. Alhaitham looks up from his book to find the other hasn’t really moved outside of closing his eyes and gripping his own knee harder than before.
“It happens every now and then,” he replies after considering his words. “Did something happen at the bar?”
And he feels stupid for not asking this before. Kaveh needed the distraction alcohol provided and he left around eleven with even the clear intent of not coming back until the next day, so why did Alhaitham find him instead in the bathroom?
“Nothing outside my miserable life,” he hisses, suddenly standing up to walk to the window. “Absolutely nothing.”
Alhaitham’s mind seems to pause again and he moves very slowly while placing down the book he has been reading. His mind is struggling to work faster to keep this from derailing into a complete mess. “Kaveh—”
“Go on and say what you want to say,” he cuts him off. “Pahetic, ridiculous, you name it, you’re better with words.”
A very uncomfortable and unwanted sensation settles on his stomach. “Do you really believe I would make fun of it?”
Kaveh’s shoulders actually drop in that way he has to show his hesitation, his eyes glancing at him before snapping back to the front. “I—no, it’s just… just say what you want to say.”
Alhaitham takes another moment to consider things again, pushing away the sensation Kaveh’s assumptions left him with, convincing himself that it is because of the troubled state of mind he is in rather than it being something he genuinely believes.
“I don’t think it’s reasonable.”
Kaveh’s snort probably isn’t a good sign.
“Being reasonable doesn’t come as naturally as it comes for you,” he says, red eyes turning to almost glare at him. “Especially when life isn’t at its prime like it is to you.”
“My life it’s not at its prime,” he argues, standing up to look at him
“You’re part of the group who saved Sumeru, you have people begging you to take one of the best positions in Teyvat and you say you’re not?” he asks. “What can I expect, then?”
“Nothing if you compare two lives that have nothing in common,” he argues. “Nothing if you assume that’s what makes me happy.”
Kaveh hesitates again, Alhaitham knows it still is the despair he’s feeling the one talking. Even with their fights and need to mess with each other, they have a level of understanding that allows them to continue living together without walking up hoping that will be the day the other finally moves out.
“What do you want from me, Alhaitham?”
“To stop doing it,” he says, glancing down at his arm. “Is not the solution.”
“So simple—”
“You’re not solving anything,” he cuts him off. “And I’m not judging you for doing it… despair does that to people, I know it’s not easy, but you’re not solving anything by doing it.”
His answer comes in the form of a shaky breath, his figure faltering as he leans back against the wall. “You don’t understand what I feel.”
“I don’t,” he agrees and there’s nothing that makes that aspect better. “But… I wish to understand how to avoid this.”
It isn’t easy to open himself like that, really, he has been this rational being his entire life, but he does remember feeling the pain of losing his parents, of losing his grandmother and he remembers how consuming that pain can be, how it makes someone disconnect from the real world.
It’s the kind of pain he doesn’t want to feel with Kaveh.
Kaveh’s eyes drop to his bandaged arm, reach for it with his healthy one, the tip of his fingers tracing the bandaged area. “It’s easier to focus on physical pain… easier to think about it instead of asking myself what I was doing getting drunk on a Monday night.”
“It is.” With that, he agrees, the tiredness after the burial was easier to handle than remembering everything he had lost. “But it’s just a momentary and tricky sense of relief.”
Kaveh blinks in confusion for how sure he sounds, but his conflicting emotions are bigger and he sees the tears filling the corner of his eyes as he brings both hands to rub his face. “It’s pathetic, as everything about my life is.”
“You’re not pathetic,” he says. “You’re… human and just need to find a way to deal with it, one that doesn’t involve having to do this.”
The sob breaks his heart, the way his body seems to shake as he tries and fails to hold himself together makes him wish he could find a way to help him more efficiently, have that something that makes it easier for people to help others, but there is none and the only thing he thinks in that moment is placing the blanket on his shoulder to make sure he’s not cold.
Kaveh cries harder in response, but before he can think of something, he leans against his side, pulling the blanket closer. “I want it to end…”
It feels dumb to freeze in that moment, but Alhaitham can at least be proud of reacting before the other moves back by wrapping his arm around his shoulders.
“It will be alright. I… will support you,”
It sounds generic, but it’s his way of being and maybe his way of being is what Kaveh needs to feel a bit better.