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Larry had failed Spanish for all four years he took it in High School, and for all three of Middle, and six of Elementary for that matter. He just… Wasn’t good at languages. And maybe it had been stupid of him to assume everyone else in the museum would be the same, but could you blame him? Sure, Teddy would call out greetings in other languages, and Ahkmenrah spoke Egyptian and Hun, but everyone who spoke English to him only spoke English to him, and others who spoke different languages seemed to only speak one.
So yes. Larry assumed most inhabitants only spoke one language. And then that assumption was shattered.
It had been about a week after the showdown with the old guards, and Larry had just finished locking up the windows so no one would get out and, you know, die. He’d been meandering over to the front desk, saying hi to anyone he saw, when he ran into Attila and Jed. Rather, he saw Attila bent over somewhat awkwardly next to a ledge, and figured he must be talking to a miniature, who he saw was Jed when he got closer.
He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he heard Jed. He was speaking, but certainly not English. When he finished, Attila said something in return, seemingly less sure of his words than he usually was. It must have been a joke, because the two laughed after.
Larry took the lull in conversation to say something. “Hey Attila, Jed. I didn’t know you spoke Hun.”
“Hun?” Jed yelled up at him. “Now what in the world are you talking about boy? That was Mandarin!”
“Oh. I didn't know either of you spoke Mandarin.” Larry was starting to feel rather lost in this conversation.
Attila said something to Jed, who replied. Larry supposed they were speaking Mandarin. Attila let out an annoyed “humpf” then turned to Larry and said something to him, first making a gesture to imply something large, then small.
“He said the Hun Empire was so dang big, he spoke to lotts’a Chinese and learned soma their languages!” Jed translated. “An’a’course I know Mandarin, half my damn workers speak it!”
“Wait, I thought Chinese was a language?” Larry was definitely lost now.
Attila evidently understood enough English to understand what Larry had said, because he laughed loudly, and slapped Larry on the back. It hurt. It also attracted the attention of several nearby exhibits, including one Ahkmenrah.
“Good evening, Larry, Jed.” He said, before saying something to Attila. Attila laughed loudly, and said something back. Ahkmenrah laughed as well, as did Jed, who didn’t seem to understand the two, but always loved to laugh at someone’s expense, usually Larry.
Ahkmenrah wiped a finger under his eye, as if he had been crying with laughter and needed to clear tears away (he had not, and did not) then turned to Larry. “I believe I understand your confusion, many researchers at Cambridge had it as well. You see, Chinese is not a spoken language, but rather a writing system, which can be used and generally understood across multiple languages from the area in the country of modern day China.”
Larry took a second to take that all in, both the information and the fact that that was the most he had ever heard Ahkmenrah say. Then he opened his mouth. “What.” He elegantly articulated.
Attila and Jed laughed again, while Ahkmenrah gave him a plaintive smile. Larry left because he was an adult and didn’t have to stand for bullying like that.
He marched himself over to the front desk, where Teddy and Sacajawea were sitting. He pulled out one of the chairs, and slumped down, wallowing in his own misery for a moment, before he tuned in to what the others were saying. They were not speaking English.
“No!” Larry shouted, jumping up and pointing accusatorily at them. “What’s this now! What language is this!”
Teddy and Sacajawea looked at him in shock, then slowly turned to look at each other.
“Wait, sorry.” Larry tried. “No, um-” Sacajawea was suddenly in his space, pushing him down and feeling his forehead with worry in her eyes.
“Are you feeling alright son?” Teddy asked, standing beside her with a bottle of water he must have pulled from the mini fridge under the desk.
“No, no, I'm fine.” Teddy gave Larry the water, but he put it aside. He was the only one in the museum who knew how to open them, so it wasn’t like the others could force him to drink it. “It’s just that Jed and Attila-”
Sacajewea clicked her tongue at him. “You can’t let those boys get under your skin like that Larry.”
Teddy sighed and shook his head. “Really Lawrence, you must learn to stand up for yourself! Now, tell us what happened.”
“You’re not my parents…” Larry tried lamely. Teddy and Sacajawea gave him looks that suggested they might disagree. Larry held out for another minute of sullen silence, but, like it or not, he was trapped by two people whose relationship had somehow brought out the parental sides of each other and were determined to now parent him.
“They were speaking Mandarin, and I didn’t know Chinese wasn’t a language until Ahkmenrah told me so they laughed at me.” Larry mumbled.
“See now!” Teddy said, “All you have to do is show off a language skill that they don’t know to impress them! Get back on equal ground! Tell me Lawrence, what languages do you speak?”
Larry looked at them in shame. Teddy looked back in excitement, while understanding dawned on Sacajawea’s face.
“Ah, English.” she said. Larry shrugged. “Well, I was just teaching Teddy some Shoshoni, would you like to join us?” Larry nodded, since he felt like that was the only answer she would take.
“First, you must learn how to say hello: Pehnaho.”
Larry and Teddy repeated the word back to her, Teddy with much more enthusiasm.
“Very good Teddy!” She praised, before turning to Larry. “Larry, try to make more of an ‘o’ sound rather than an ‘o’.”
“Huh? I’m sorry Sacajewea, those sound the same to me. But hey, at least I can get your name right now!”
She gave him a strange smile. “Yes Larry. You are pronouncing my name correctly. Right Teddttsi?”
“Yes, indeed you are Larry!” Teddy did some sort of encouraging motion. “Pronouncing it just right!”
Larry found himself leaving because he was an adult and didn’t have to stand for bullying like that. Since he saw Attila and Ahkmenrah still on one end of the entrance hall, he went the other way, where he ran into Octavius and… Jed.
“Ah, Larry! Just the man I wanted to see!” Octavius yelled up at him.
“Gigantor! Hang this up!” Jed was much less polite, as per usual.
“Why, Jedadiah! That is no way to speak to a friend!” Octavius declared.
“Why Octagon, I’ll speak to my Gigantor however I damn well please!” Jed yelled.
Larry ignored their squabbling to pick up the paper they had with them. It was a terribly made poster declaring the Holy Roman Western Front would be expanding into the main hall within a week. Larry hung it up on the cork board, since he was fairly certain they wouldn’t actually be able to take over the hall and he wanted them to keep getting along. When he bent back down, the two were still bickering, but now…
“You speak Latin too?” Larry exclaimed.
“No! That don’t count!” Jed exclaimed.
“What on earth do you mean? You speak Latin quite well, almost beautifully I would say!” Octavius said.
“Nuh-uh! It only counts if I wanted to learn it!” Jed was practically screaming by then. “I ain’t wanted to learn Latin, so it ain’t count!”
“Alright, that's it.” Larry said. He held out his hand, which Octavius climbed onto, followed by Jed, who was still yelling about not knowing Latin. Larry brought the two back over to the main desk, where he deposited them. Sacajawea and Teddy were still there, and Attila and Ahkmenrah had come over as well.
“Alright, you.” Larry pointed to Jed. “What languages do you speak.”
“Why English an Mandarin ‘ocourse!” He yelled, despite the fact that everyone was close enough to hear him at a normal volume.
“Jedadiah also speaks Latin.” Octavius said, at a normal tone.
“Well if we’re gonna count Latin, why not also count Cantonese, Tsalagi, and Hidatsa!” Jed yelled.
“You speak Hidatsa?” Sacajewea seemed surprised.
“O course I did!” Jed yelled, before adding something in the third language Larry heard him speak that night. Sacajawea replied, to which Jed yelled some more.
Sacajawea laughed in disbelief, then switched to English. “I had no idea so many people thought of me that way!”
“I always admired you, Sacajawea!” Jed yelled, but less loud this time. Sacajawea laughed giddily and blushed.
Larry took that as a chance to switch to her. “What about you, what languages do you know Sacajawea?”
“Ah, I spoke Shoshone and Hidatsa of course, though I learned some French from my… Husband and English from Lewis and Clark. I’ve learned English quite well these past fifty years!” She said proudly.
“Ah. I never knew you were married.” Teddy said.
“Oh, that was only a technicality.” She said. Teddy nodded, like he thought that made perfect sense.
“You.” Larry pointed at Teddy. “What languages do you speak?”
“Why in my life I learned English, German, Latin, French, Italian, Dutch and Greek!” He exclaimed, “Although, I’ve gotten conversational in about twenty more while here at the museum!”
Larry choked, as did Sacajawea, although hers seemed more in hunger than his surprise.
Octavius perked up from where he and Jed had been speaking in Latin, and said something to Teddy.
“Oh no you don’t! Ya can’t go switching to Greek when I’m talking to you!” Jed yelled, physically turning Octavius back to him.
“You speak Greek as well, Octavius?” Teddy questioned.
“Yes, although I must admit my repertoire is less impressive than your own. Latin, Greek, English, and some Yacatec are all I know.”
Jed gasped dramatically. “You’ve been learning to speak to them Mayans without me!?”
Larry turned away from the fight that was about to ensue, to talk to Ahkmenrah and Attila, who had been conversing quietly in Hun the whole time.
“I’ll ask.” Ahkmenrah said before Larry could speak. He turned to Attila, and some words were exchanged. Ahkmenrah turned back. “Like he said earlier, the Hun empire was vast, and he traveled to many parts of it and learned small amounts of countless languages. Although, he only speaks Hun fluently, and couldn’t tell you the names of any others.” Ahkmenrah said, before Attila added something. “He said he indeed did not even know the name of Mandarin until tonight.” Ahkmenrah finished translating.
“And what about you?” Larry asked, ready to finally get to the bottom of how inadequate he should feel around all his new friends.
“Ah. That is tricky.” Ahkmenrah said. “I spoke Egyptian in my lifetime, and learned English at Cambridge. Although, the tablet somewhat allows me to speak any dead language.”
“What!” Larry yelled. Everyone else stopped their conversations and turned to look at him.
“Yes. I am unsure how it works, but if a dead language is spoken by someone who has been brought to life by my tablet, then I too will be able to speak that language, to a degree.” Ahkmenrah barely finished before he was surrounded by the language hounds Larry had unintentionally surrounded himself with, all clamouring for him to say something or another in languages they did or didn’t know.
Larry threw up his hands and walked away. This was it. The final straw. He was going to quit.
(Larry got a beginners Spanish book the next day. No one else had said they spoke Spanish, and he already had a whole schooling career’s worth of a head start, however bad that start was. He would show them.)