Chapter Text
Azula was cunning, even from a young age she knew that her father hated Zuko so much because he was compassionate. She knew that was why her mother loved him so much. That was why everyone but her father loved him so much, including her.
Compassion was not a trait Azula had, as much as she loved it. She was much better at self-preservation. That’s why her father loved her so much, because she pretended to be a sadist like him. That’s why her mother, and everyone else, all but hated her. Her acting was unparalleled.
Despite the fact that both of the children were polar opposites, they both had the shared experience of Ozai. They both had each other. Even if Azula pretended to hate Zuko. Even if, for a moment, Zuko believed her. A late night talk on the roof fixed that, cleared things up.
“You won’t survive being kind.” She had whispered into the night, worry causing her voice to crack for the first time in her short life, “Not in this nation.”
“That doesn’t mean I should stop trying.” Her brother had responded simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Her heart burned with warmth for her brother who would give everything for even a stranger. It burned with anger at the life he was forced to live.
That was the first time she had wished for something else.
~ § * § ~
Zuko was the one to convince Azula to make friends. She wasn’t much of a people person unless she was manipulating them and, according to Zuko, “that’s not the point of friends, Azula!” She was content to only have Zuko, but he wanted her to branch out.
He convinced their mother to find nobles’ daughters their age for Azula to hang out with. He may have been an innocent boy, but he had lived his whole life in a world of politics, he knew how to convince people.
That was how Mai and Ty Lee came into Azula’s life. She preferred to hang out with Zuko, but she begrudgingly admitted that the two grew on her.
Mai taught Azula and Ty Lee how to throw knives, and while Azula wasn’t as good as Mai, she caught on quickly enough. She was a prodigy after all!
Ty Lee taught them acrobatic tricks, how to dodge and flip and never get hit! Azula was… not as good at that one. But she wouldn’t need to dodge if she kept her opponent on the defensive!
That frustrated her a lot, not being able to do something. Even more when she knew how, and her body just wasn’t cooperating. She never lashed out, despite her temper. Azula knew better than that, she knew how dangerous lashing out would be.
In return for their lessons, Azula taught her friends how to act, how to pretend to be someone they weren’t, how to manipulate those twice your age into thinking you’re sweeter than you are. They all learned fast. It was a necessary skill in the upper circle, as much as they all hated it.
The three hung out a lot, though Azula still would rather hang out with Zuko. Through their hanging out, the three girls not only gave the others lessons, but also taught them things by accident, just by being around each other.
Ty Lee inadvertently taught Azula how to be more open with people, even if Azula couldn’t use it. Not in Caldera, maybe not ever. Azula still appreciated it.
Mai inadvertently taught her how to read people, no matter how emotionless they seem. That was a useful skill that she used on a daily basis. The court was always difficult.
Azula taught them both how to lie.
~ § * § ~
In return for Zuko's gift, Azula made a plot of her own.
She had noticed how downcast Zuko had been lately. She knew it was because of Ozai, and the constant criticism of his skills, how terrible they were compared to Azula’s perfection. She felt like spitting just thinking the word.
Zuko was good at firebending, compared to most kids his age. Ozai did not want him to be like most kids.
Azula had heard about Piandao in passing. Servants in the halls, whispering about his accomplishments and the hope that it gives them, assuming no one’s listening.
They’re lucky that Azula agrees.
The next morning Iroh finds an anonymous note at his door, suggesting that Zuko be sent to Piandao’s to be trained in swords.
After some discussion with Ursa and Ozai, Zuko is hugging his sister goodbye in private, a whispered thanks floating in the space between them until long after Zuko is gone.
Azula already misses her brother.
She covers up her loneliness with training.
Mai and Ty Lee visit, while Zuko’s gone. They entertain each other, but they’re all wondering the same thing,
How is Zuko doing?
~ § * § ~
Eventually Zuko returns, a grin slapped on his face, swords strapped on his back.
Dual niuweidao, oddly fitting for him. She was proud.
Seems he was too.
Mai and Ty Lee were there to greet Zuko as well, as his ship rolled into the harbor. Ursa too. Not Ozai.
Azula was glad for that. She didn’t want to imagine how he would greet Zuko.
When he landed, Zuko hugged Azula first. Ursa’s smile grew a little strained, obviously wondering what effect Azula was having on her precious son.
Azula just smiled smugly. Ursa was an adult, she could—or should—be able to handle a few moments of waiting. Azula was a hypocrite, she knew, but couldn’t bring herself to care. It wasn’t like Ursa was doing anything to combat Ozai.
Zuko remained oblivious to the tension between the two women who were much more similar than either would like to admit. Whether he was so naive on purpose or not, Azula wasn’t entirely sure. He happily hugged everyone that was there to pick him up, chattering on and on about all he learned while away.
Azula really hoped, despite her better judgement, that his happiness would never fade.
She knew it would never last, not with Ozai.
Despite being a firebender, all Ozai ever seemed to do was steal warmth like a mosquito-leech.
~ § * § ~
The second time Azula wished for something else was a few years later, when Zuko had returned from firebending practice all happy because he did everything “acceptable enough” and didn’t get burnt badly.
While she knew that was bad, it wasn’t out of the ordinary. No, the real flame to the hand didn’t come until a moment later, when a messenger ran in in hysterics. It took ten minutes of calming the young man before he revealed the dreaded news; Their cousin Lu Ten was dead.
Zuko cried. Azula just stared, silently contemplating. She wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed at the messenger’s timing, sad at her cousin’s loss, or happy that she might get more time with her brother, without another person vying for his attention.
She immediately crossed out that last option in her mind, she may act cruel for her father, but that was past the line. Her brother was grieving, and while she may not have been close to Lu Ten, death was death, and the only one she would ever celebrate is that of her father and anyone else like him.
Their mother was gone the next morning. Along with their grandfather. The palace was eerily quiet.
Zuko sobbed. His cries had cut through the silence like one of Mai’s knives. Azula connected the ashes, but she didn’t have the heart to tell Zuko that their mother left him.
Only him though, their mother had no one else to leave. Certainly not Azula. She couldn’t, if she was never there in the first place. No one was, except for Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee.
Azula didn’t mind. Those three were all she needed.
Ozai was there for her too.
Azula did mind that. A lot.
~ § * § ~
Eventually they grew older, but Zuko never lost his childish innocence. Azula knew it was selfish of her but she was glad that he hadn’t been broken by their father, despite the fact that it meant he was still being hurt by that monster.
Their uncle returned, and he would always talk to Zuko, host their silly tea parties. He never even tried with Azula, to Zuko’s chagrin. She had assumed that would happen. Almost everyone had given up on her before she could even walk.
The people that were supposed to be there for her were surprisingly incompetent, or would be if she wasn’t used to it by then. The only ones she could rely on were other kids her age.
She knew how messed up that was, she constantly wondered why the most responsible people in Caldera were children. Her uncle got close, but she wouldn’t forgive him for leaving. Not that he ever asked for forgiveness.
While she didn’t mind being ignored—in fact she preferred to stay away from whatever her uncle was plotting—Azula wanted Iroh to regret leaving, and she wanted him to stop dragging Zuko into his adult games like he was just a piece in Pai Sho.
Dragging children in just like Ozai did.
Azula subtly let her disdain for Iroh show. And she did it often.
Especially during training. It wasn’t her fault Uncle was the only one with skill good enough for him to train her! It wasn’t her fault she missed! Everybody misses sometimes!
“Sorry Uncle! I must have missed!” She had apologized one day during training, with a hopefully innocent looking grin plastered on her face.
Her uncle was not convinced, “You are not known to miss my niece.” He raised his non-scorched eyebrow and looked at her. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes and call him an old man, she quickly came up with a response.
“I must be tired, I should definitely train to be perfect when tired too, then this accident won’t happen again.” Seeing he couldn’t argue, her uncle sighed and walked away.
That was around the third time she dared to wish.
~ § * § ~
When Azula heard that Zuko was let into a war meeting, she was downright terrified. She knew that the stuff that went on in war meetings was not stuff that Zuko would approve of, and he might say something that would get him hurt. Her brother had no filter, which was dangerous anywhere in the castle, but even more so in front of the Fire Lord.
Azula pretended not to care.
When she later heard about the upcoming Agni Kai, her mind wobbled from “I knew it” to “He’s dead” to “He’ll be okay, right?” to calling him an idiot in half a second. She put on a sadistic smile like she always did, but internally her gut was churning.
She didn’t know what she was expecting when she sat down in the crowd. Her brother winning? Him dying a heroic, pathetic death at the hands of their father?
Certainly not him falling to his knees and begging.
Azula should have known he would do that, he was Zuko after all. Kind, compassionate Zuko who wouldn’t hurt a spider-fly, let alone the father he had always looked up to. The one he couldn’t help but care about because that was who Zuko was.
Kind, compassionate Zuko who was going to die for the very reasons that he was loved so much. Because despite everything, he still cared for his father.
The father who was preparing to burn his face off over Zuko’s defense of people’s lives. Azula hated—no, despised—that man.
Azula begged too, just like Zuko was begging, but not out loud, and not to Ozai. It was an internal begging, for anyone or anything who could hear, for something, anything else for her brother. For a better life. A chance to give him peace. Make the hope he holds so easily worth the wait and pain he has faced.
“You will learn respect,” the words echoed across the deathly silent room, “and suffering will be your teacher.” As she heard the fated, cruel words from the man that was supposed to love them, the words that were always going to be told, she couldn’t hold herself any longer.
A cry ripped itself out of her throat.
Raw.
Visceral.
Defeated.
Her world went black. Then that, too, disappeared.