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“ivan, please, you don’t mind, right?”
ivan sighs heavily into the phone, wanting mizi to know exactly how much he detested her favor. “i had a date with till that day, y’know.”
“...not to be dismissive, but had as in past tense now?”
the hope in mizi’s voice is almost amusing. as much as ivan wanted to turn the girl down, she was his best friend and was dating his sister to boot. she was also still heavily admired by till, despite his crush on her fading after high school. it was in everyone’s best interests that ivan just suck it up and accept.
“you owe me and till a gift card to that fancy steakhouse you went to with sua,” ivan says in lieu of a proper acceptance.
mizi squeals over the phone. “ahhh, thank you, thank you, thank you! it’ll be painless, i promise! and maybe it’ll be fun!”
ivan chuckles. “we’ll see. i’ll get the details later, okay? i’m meeting till now.”
“sounds good! bye ivan, and thank you again!”
the call hangs up, and ivan finally spots till waiting on a nearby park bench. “were you waiting long?”
till looks up, sees his puppy of a boyfriend wagging his metaphorical tail. he pats the bench next to him as he speaks. “nah, just got here. were you on the phone?”
“mm. mizi.” ivan sits as close as possible to till, wraps his arms around till’s shoulders and buries his nose into till’s hair. “i missed you, it’s been forever.”
“it’s been five hours.” till shoves ivan off. “what did mizi want?”
ivan pouts at the lack of till in his hands. “nothing much. just wanted me to pose as her boyfriend for some family gathering next week.”
“oh, that’s—wait, what?”
ivan sighs, leaning his head back against the bench. “yeah, and it’s on friday too. i wanted to take you to see that band you like. they’re playing a bar in the next district over, and i thought it’d be enough to get me lucky.”
till flushes furiously. “shut up! g-go back to the mizi thing! why do you have to pose as her boyfriend?”
ivan raises a brow. “why’d you wanna know about that? i’ve done it before, you already know that.”
“well, yeah, but that was before sua,” till says, frowning. “they’re dating now, so wouldn’t it make sense for mizi to take sua?”
ivan shakes his head. “nah, sua’s on a work trip for her internship. they’re working her to the bone. and even if sua was available, mizi would ask me. apparently, this gathering has family mizi hasn’t seen in a while and she doesn’t want to come out to them.”
“but then mizi could just argue that she’s single!” argues till, getting more worked up about it.
ivan doesn’t know why till cares so much, but he answers regardless. “she can’t though? mizi’s pretty vocal about her partner on socials, so everyone knows she has someone. she doesn’t post sua anywhere but her private, but maybe you hadn’t noticed that?”
“i... i hadn’t actually.” till looks down at his hands, mind running a million miles a second. “so... you’re going to going to be mizi’s boyfriend? like old times?”
“i’m going to pretend to be mizi’s boyfriend,” corrects ivan, “like old times, yes.”
till stews over ivan’s words for a minute. “and you’re okay with it?” he asks finally.
ivan shrugs. “i don’t care either way. it’s not my favorite way to spend a friday, and i’m disappointed i can’t take you out like i planned, but this way, sua will be happy too. she doesn’t like when shit like this happens to mizi. it’s why she was so okay with me pretending to be mizi’s boyfriend for the better part of high school.”
till scowls. “yeah, i remember.”
ivan grins, leans in toward till. “aww, tilly, are you perhaps jealous i didn’t date you in high school?”
till mutters under his breath. “...i’ve been jealous, idiot.”
“what did you say?”
“nothing!” till shoots up to his feet, holds out a hand expectantly. “come on, i want to go to the arcade. there’s a new ibanny crane game machine. i want you to win me a plushie.”
ivan groans, but lets till help him up. “can we not get ibanny this time? you have enough of him. what about tillbun? he’s pretty cute too. actually, i think he’s cuter.”
till frowns. “i don’t like that character. he looks dumb. i want ibanny.”
ivan locks their hands together, threading his fingers with till’s. “fine,” he says, giving in, “but in return, you owe me.”
“we’ll see.”
ivan grins, letting till stomp off with him in tow.
he may not get lucky next friday, but he may get lucky tonight.
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mizi’s family gathering comes and goes. ivan plays the perfect boyfriend, talking himself and mizi up in front of her extended family, showing just the right amount of interest in others, and helping mizi’s mom and aunt with the dishes afterwards. everyone loves him.
despite himself, ivan did have a little fun, just like mizi wanted. he got to play with mizi’s younger cousins and had the opportunity to feast on mizi’s mom’s amazing food. all in all, a job well done.
ivan returns to his and till’s dorm room with a shiny new gift card in hand. he tosses it at his boyfriend upon entering his room, making sure till catches it before launching himself onto till’s mattress.
“hey, watch it!” till yelps. “i have history notes laid out here!”
“but i’m tiiiiired,” whines ivan, “and i want my boyfriend.”
till bristles. “you’re the one who agreed to go out with mizi.” he turns the gift card in his hands over, reading the fine print. “hey, this doesn’t expire soon, does it?”
ivan crawls until he reaches till’s lap, laying his head down on the boy’s soft thighs. “not sure. wanna go this weekend anyways? we can make up for me not taking you to see that band tonight. i wish you would’ve gone by yourself, y’know. why are you studying on a friday night?”
till softens, and cards his fingers through ivan’s soft hair. “i’m okay without going,” he murmurs. “it wouldn’t have been the same without you.” he looks over the gift card again. “do you wanna go on sunday? to the steakhouse?”
ivan’s eyes light up, and he shoots up from till’s lap. “really?!” he searches till’s expression, becomes more elated when he realizes till isn’t joking. “yes! date night, let’s go!”
till laughs when ivan tackles him into a hug, making him fall on his back. “down, puppy. you’re acting like we don’t go on dates that often.”
ivan chuckles. “they’re not like this. this is like... a date date. usually, we’re being third-wheeled by a damn ibanny plushie or end up seeing people we know at the cafes we go to.”
“you’re not wrong,” till says thoughtfully, “hmm... should we dress up nice then? to make it more date-like? this place probably has a dress code, anyways.”
ivan doesn’t answer, chooses to pepper sloppy, wet kisses all over till’s face. he relishes in till’s giggles when he tickles him inadvertently. when their eyes meet, ivan pulls back a little, becoming a little lost in that sparkling teal color.
till lowers his gaze to ivan’s lips, then looks back at him with hooded eyes. suddenly, the air is electric, charged and ready to spark with their next move. both of them are very aware of ivan’s thigh pressed against till’s crotch, aware of how thin till’s shorts are and how the rough of ivan’s jeans feels against it. when till rolls his hips, grinding against the tense muscle of ivan’s thigh, ivan snaps into action, grabbing till’s wrists and locking them in place above his head. till leans back into his pillow, quirks his lips up in challenge.
“well? what are you waiting for?”
ivan grins. it’s a little feral, a lot horny, but it’s exactly what till was hoping for.
the gift card falls from till’s fingers and lands somewhere in between the bed and the wall, but that’s okay. they can grab it later.
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despite till’s alternative aesthetic, he can clean up pretty well when the occasion comes.
ivan has to keep himself from pouncing when till walks out of his room in skinny, black slacks and a collared, white button-down with his sleeves rolled up. till’s usual jewelry remains, joined with the addition of a silver necklace ivan gifted him for their first anniversary.
ivan wants to eat him.
luckily, he’ll probably eat him after they’ve both had their fill of steak.
ivan presses his lips at the sensitive skin under till’s ear, reveling in till’s shiver and inhaling the scent of his boyfriend’s woodsy cologne. “i won’t hold back later, y’know,” he murmurs into till’s ear.
till smirks, letting his eyes rove over ivan’s figure, licking his lips salaciously. “i don’t expect you to.”
everything goes well for the first half of their night. ivan and till arrive in time for their reservation, despite leaving home a little late and having to straighten up again, and they order their plentiful portions of steak. they order some wine, despite till not being a fan, and genuinely enjoy their night.
the bliss comes to an end when one of the restaurant’s patrons, whilst leaving, spots ivan and walks over to him. turns out it’s one of mizi’s relatives. they hadn’t left seoul yet, deciding to drive back to ilsan after the weekend was over.
“i’m surprised you’re not here with mizi. is this your friend?”
ivan smiles genially. “this is till. we share a dorm at college.”
it’s a perfunctory answer, not establishing till as just a friend yet not exposing him as ivan’s actual partner.
till knows this, and stays quiet while ivan and mizi’s relative finish exchanging pleasantries and bid each other goodbye.
after that, try as ivan may, till wasn’t in a talkative mood, choosing to down a bit more wine than he normally would’ve and frowning in thought every so often. it was as if his mind couldn’t stop from overthinking about god knows what.
ivan wishes he knew what was on till’s mind.
till is still quiet during the drive home, and ivan thinks the appearance of mizi’s relative might have ruined the entire night for them, but before ivan can bid till goodnight, till pulls him back, holding onto the back of ivan’s shirt in a tight grip.
till’s face is flushed red, and he’s probably a bit tipsy, but he has enough of his faculties to pout, to undo the top two buttons of his shirt, and turn his bedroom eyes onto ivan.
“i thought you weren’t going to hold back.”
ivan hesitates. “do you still... are you sure—”
till silences ivan, reaching up on his toes and swallowing ivan’s words with a searing, wet kiss. their lips mold together, tongues entering each other’s mouths and taking up as much space within one another. ivan feels till’s hands on his chest, working on ivan’s tie and tossing it aside. ivan follows in suit, reaching for till’s belt and unbuckling it with deft fingers.
till’s kiss is deep, sensual, as if wanting to inhale as much of ivan as he possibly can. it’s a far cry from what ivan imagined for them earlier, but he knows till’s upset. and even though he’s not sure why, he wants to make this good for his cute boyfriend. so ivan unbuttons till’s pants, letting them slip down easily, and places his hands under till’s ass. without more prompting, till jumps up, wrapping his legs around ivan’s middle as his boyfriend helps keep him in place.
their mouths move furiously, taking only the barest of breaths in between kisses, as ivan moves them toward his room. when ivan lays till down on the bed, breaking them apart, he notices the unshed tears hovering at till’s lashline. he ghosts his lips against till’s eyelids, flicks his tongue out and prompting them into falling down.
ivan wants to ask why till’s so sad, what he did to make till this upset, but till can sense what ivan’s going to ask before he says it, so till wraps his arms around ivan’s neck and presses their swollen lips together again, plunging his tongue in and forcing ivan to memorize the taste of till, till, till.
when they part, there’s a single string of saliva connecting them. it breaks when till speaks.
“no condom,” he demands, voice a little wobbly. “i want to feel you. let me feel all of you tonight, ivan.”
ivan searches till’s face, making sure this is what till wants. when he sees the resolve in till’s eyes, he sighs in defeat. till doesn’t want to talk about it, and ivan doesn’t want to push him, so he gives in.
he always does when it comes to till.
under ivan’s fingers, till falls apart beautifully, moving his hips and meeting ivan’s ministrations with an insistence ivan hasn’t seen from till before. when ivan’s cock finally presses against till’s rim, till clutches onto any bit of ivan he can reach, and when he enters, till screams. its like liquid gold has entered his bloodstream, and he feels it fill in the cracks. like kintsugi, he feels like he’s whole again. he feels the depth of the love ivan has for him, and this time, he can’t help but cry freely as ivan thrusts into him.
ivan takes till’s tears in stride, allowing his boyfriend’s desperation to fill his own lungs as he pounds into till’s hole. he matches the rhythm of his thrusts with his hand working till’s cock, already so wet with precum that the tight friction of ivan’s hand causes till to see literal stars.
it doesn’t take long for till to fall, to feel the sensations in his body rise and burst like fireworks. he comes hard with a loud moan, and it’s the prettiest sound ivan has ever heard. it’s enough for ivan to tip over the edge, slamming in one more time and groaning when he feels his seed burst inside till. there’s enough to create a small distension in till’s stomach, enough for till to whine at the feeling of being full.
ivan gingerly removes his dick from till, eyes following the cum now leaking out of till obscenely. he’s about to reach for a nearby towel to clean them both up, but stops when he feels till’s hand on his arm.
till’s eyes are hazy, still glazed from the force of his orgasm earlier, but his voice is stable when he speaks.
“again,” he demands. “fill me up again.”
ivan is now at a loss. “till, we should really talk—”
“no,” till glares and repeats himself. “fill me up again. i want to feel your cum dripping out of me for days. wanna feel the shape of you inside me even after we’re done.”
“and you don’t want to be done anytime soon?”
till shuffles his body closer to ivan, lifting his leg and ghosting the bottom of his foot against ivan’s dick. it tickles, but ivan’s turning pink and his dick is perking up with interest.
“i’m not done. and neither are you.”
ivan grabs till’s leg, then grabs the other just as quick. he pushes them apart and settles between them on his stomach, mouth dangerously close to the head of till’s cock.
“let me clean you up first. you won’t deny me that, will you?”
till doesn’t speak. instead, he threads his fingers into the soft, black strands of ivan’s hair, pulling hard until ivan’s bottom lip is touching his shaft.
get on with it, he seems to say.
ivan answers with his tongue laving over the length of till’s cock.
with pleasure, is ivan’s answer.
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it’s a very long time until till allows ivan to untangle themselves.
when they’re done cleaning up, ivan joins till on the balcony. till smokes his cigarette, watching one specific streetlight flicker on and off continually, while ivan stands next to him, back against the railing, staring at the calm expression on till’s face.
“so?”
it’s only one word, but ivan knows it’s enough.
till takes another drag of his cigarette, blows out and lets the smoke waft around him. only after does he answer.
“i’ll tell you later. i just... i don’t know how to say it.”
ivan nods. “i can wait. just don’t shut me out, okay? i don’t want a repeat of high school.”
at the mention, till’s eyes darken. “no,” he agrees. “i won’t let that happen again.”
when till glances at ivan, his heart beats hard at the gentleness in ivan’s dark eyes. it’s one of the few glimpses of ivan that only till is privy to.
it’s one of the few things till knows is all his.
which is why—till shakes his head.
the thought is forgotten for the moment, but it festers.
it lingers.
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it all comes out when mizi, unexpectedly, posts a picture of herself and ivan on her instagram account, the public one which anyone can view.
it’s a cute picture, depicting her and ivan cupping each of their hands into the shape of a ‘c’ and putting them together, effectively making a heart. the picture is captioned with a succinct ‘bf <3.’ those in mizi’s close circle know it stands for best friend. but others...
it only takes one random stranger in one of ivan’s classes to come up to them while they’re outside eating lunch and ask ivan if he’s dating mizi for till to snap.
“no, he’s not,” he seethes, fury bleeding from the words. “he’s dating me. he’s my boyfriend. now fuck off!!”
ivan’s classmate scowls as he leaves, but ivan doesn’t care about that.
it’s not that ivan and till hide their relationship; everyone knows that ivan spends the majority of his time around his childhood friend slash roommate. there were suspicions of their relationship, but nothing was ever confirmed. no one had ever had the guts to approach till nor ask ivan point blank.
it’s never been a problem.
but right now...
till narrows his eyes at ivan. “what the fuck are you gaping at?”
ivan does not stop gaping. “what was that?”
“what was what?”
“that!” ivan points in the direction his classmate left. “you’ve never called me your boyfriend like that before.”
perhaps this was the wrong thing to say, because till only gets more mad. “then what the fuck am i supposed to call you if not my boyfriend?!” he rages. “my fucking friend? roommate? what?! it’s fact that you’re my boyfriend and people need to fucking get it. you’re not mizi’s, you’re mine!”
and so, it clicks. “so this is about me posing as mizi’s boyfriend that one time!” ivan is confused, and he expresses as such. “i’ve done this before, you know. i used to do it in high school, and it never bothered you then.”
“wrong.”
“huh?”
till’s eyes burn with the sting of tears. “you’re fucking wrong,” he says, voice cracking on the last word. “it did bother me. everytime you pretended to be mizi’s boyfriend, it bothered me. doesn’t matter if we weren’t dating back then, i didn’t like it. i’ve never fucking liked it.”
there’s a disconnect, and ivan so desperately wants to bridge it. “till, please. can you please explain it properly?” he pleads.
till sends him a scathing look before scowling. “it’s... it’s fucking dumb. just... i’ve never told you, but the reason i realized i liked you was because of that. because of you telling everyone you were mizi’s boyfriend.”
when ivan goes to open his mouth, till gives him a look that makes him shut it again.
“let me finish, will you? i... probably won’t have the guts to tell you this again, so just... let me get it out now.” till looks down at his hands, plays with the chipped black polish on his nails. “i didn’t know why i was so upset and hurt everytime i saw you next to mizi. at first, i thought i was just jealous that you got the chance to pretend with her. i spent a lot of years thinking i loved her so... but, but i wasn’t jealous of you. i was jealous of her.
i didn’t want people to think you guys were together, even if it was help stave off mizi’s fan club. i didn’t want anyone next to you. and, and i thought i was shit for that,” till admits with a self-depracating laugh. “i thought i was an asshole for wanting you to be alone. you weren’t actually with mizi, but someone out there was right for you, and i didn’t want you to find them. and then i thought, what about me? what if i dated you? and that’s when...”
“that’s when you started avoiding me,” ivan finished for till, finally connecting the dots.
till cringes visibly. “yeah,” he whispers, “not my finest moment, i’ll admit. but at the time, i thought i was straight. you were, essentially, not only my rude bisexual awakening, but you also felt just as far as mizi to me. when i liked her, i never thought i would be able to reach her. the same thing happened with you. it was like you were at the end of some dark tunnel and no matter how much i ran, i wouldn’t get to you.
“ever since then, i’ve hated every single instance where you’ve pretended to be mizi’s boyfriend to help her. it reminds me of the time i couldn’t have you, it reminds me of when i was unable to show you how i felt, of my own fucking cowardice.”
ivan blinks, processing till’s words.
it’s not that ivan had doubted till’s love for him. when till confessed to ivan a couple years back, it was after he had found out from sua about ivan’s own feelings. it gave till the courage to push for the relationship they had now.
ivan thought till’s feelings developed more recently, maybe in the beginning months of college. but to hear till’s feelings for him ran this deep since high school?
high school ivan didn’t think till was unreachable. no, high school ivan didn’t bother to turn toward till’s direction in the first place. there was no point, he told himself. till would never look at him back, would never acknowledge ivan was there. no matter how much ivan yearned, no matter how many stars ivan wished upon, it was hopeless. what could till possibly gain from someone like ivan?
during the brief months when till avoided ivan at every turn, ivan was convinced till was upset because of mizi, because perhaps he wanted the chance to play as her boyfriend. it took ivan cornering him and dragging him to get hotteok for till to start thawing out, to start acting normally around him again. it took some time, but they were able to regain the relationship they once had. if anything, their friendship became stronger than ever.
ivan frowns, blinking furiously. he was gaining a headache and it was blurring his vision.
if what actually happened back then was that till gained feelings for ivan, that he felt jealous enough to want ivan all for himself, then...
oh. oh.
“ivan?!” till sounds startled. “are you okay?”
why can’t ivan see till? why is he so blurry?
ah. he’s crying.
till looks around, as if looking for something that would help. “fuck, i... i’m sorry, i didn’t think i would upset you. shit, ivan. i...”
till quickly wrap his arms around ivan’s head, one hand braced behind it as he pulls ivan in, laying ivan on his chest. ivan feels till shaking, hears him whisper next to his ear.
“i’m sorry,” till says forlornly, “i should’ve told you earlier. i... it’s so stupid. i’m such a fucking dumbass. i’m really sorry, ivan.”
slowly, ivan closes his eyes and brings his arms up to hug till around his middle. he savors the warmth of till’s body, the feel of till’s rings and bracelets on the back of his neck, the soft words of apology that till kept uttering, the scent of paint and sandalwood mixing with something indescribably till. it all comes together to slow ivan’s heartbeat until it’s no longer pounding erratically.
they stay like this for seconds, minutes, what feels like hours. finally, ivan squeezes his arms, buries his nose into the dip of till’s collarbone.
“i’m not upset,” he says quietly. “and i’m not hurt. or sad. you have nothing to apologize for.”
ivan feels till tense at his words. “then,” till begins hesitantly, “then why did start crying? i’ve never seen you cry before.”
“i just felt really loved all of a sudden.”
silence settles upon them. around them, the wind blows, the leaves rustle as the fall, branches shake from birds launching off them to soar, and till realizes that it’ll never be anyone but ivan. all facts of life, cemented and sealed.
when the two break apart, they look at each other, ivan with a bright smile and till with an uncertain one.
“so,” ivan begins cheerfully, “it looks like i’ll never be mizi’s fake boyfriend ever again.”
till sighs. “you’re gonna be insufferable about this, aren’t you? fine, whatever. get it over with.”
“nooooo! i would never!” the grin on ivan’s face betrays his words.
till groans. “just... ugh. you already know i love you. i just love you enough for me to want to keep you tied to me, okay? and for people to know that! what’s so bad about that?”
ivan reaches up to ruffle till’s hair, to which the other scowls. “nothing at all, tilly. hey, do you want to go to the arcade? i’ll win you more ibanny plushies.”
till looks at ivan suspiciously. “do you promise not to insult ibanny even once?”
“sure, sure,” ivan says easily. “but you’ll have to make it up to me. being nice to ibanny is hard work.”
till huffs, but his words are teasing. “we’ll see.”
ivan’s definitely getting lucky tonight. but then again, he’s pretty lucky all the time.
after all, he has till.
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