Chapter Text
The world was ending soon. Plain and simple. There was no other way to put it.
At least, that’s what it felt like to Will.
If the world wasn’t ending, then why did he spend so many nights in the Squawk basement next to Mike as he used the D&D pieces Will made? Why did he watch Mike display another brilliant plan for a very boring and seemingly pointless “crawl”? Why did Hopper willingly throw himself into the Upside Down on countless occasions just to scout? Why was El– Jane – spending so much time training? If the world wasn’t ending, then why did his mother refuse to let him out of his sight unless he went up to the building’s main floor to “get some air”?
He knew that everyone, despite the danger, enjoyed these crawls that the group went on. Will would be lying if he said he didn’t look forward to them too, but he looked forward to them for a much different reason.
The world would end soon, he could feel the confirmation with the tingling sensation at the back of his neck. So in Will’s mind it didn’t matter if, at long last, he allowed himself to be a little selfish. He didn’t mind teetering on the edge for a little while, especially since Hawkins had become ground zero. Because of these crawls, any day could easily be their last. He was only sixteen, and so much had been taken away from him in his short life. He didn’t want to die with regrets. He wouldn’t spend whatever time he had left denying himself.
He knew exactly what horrible desire he’d follow in this unpredictable time that he lived in.
Avarice, greed, covetousness.
No.
It wasn’t that.
It’s much softer, much sweeter than that.
Craving. Pining. Longing. Silent yearning, like an arcane hunger for something that could never be satisfied, regardless of how many crumbs were laid out for him to devour.
… Love.
He’d allow his gaze to linger; to have his heart race when his eyes were met. He’d smile a bit more at things he probably shouldn’t smile at. He would laugh a little harder at jokes that weren’t that funny. He’d let silence fill their shared air without feeling a need to swat it out with useless dialogue. He’d let their hands brush, but if he was brave enough, he wouldn’t allow his hand to pull away. He’d even let his thoughts wander off into an ideal world where he didn’t sheepishly shy away from eye contact when he was caught. He’d let his thoughts wander into a world in which he was longed for in the same way. He knew that with every look he should go crawling to his sister for forgiveness, but he didn’t.
What was one more sin on top of the one he had been committing all his life?
Besides, he knew nothing would come of it.
He knew that what– who – he wanted did not want him back. And he would not put a wedge in a relationship that already existed in the real world. Will may allow himself to be selfish by stealing glances when he shouldn’t, but he would not allow himself to be cruel.
Jane was too sweet to ever willingly cause harm to. Even when she was being bullied or had struggles with her boyfriend, she always looked out for Will. They looked out for each other. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and Will was the wizard who tried to cast a protection spell around it. And though it wasn’t exactly formal or in writing, they were siblings in their own way. Living in Lenora together bonded them like siblings were and should be. To hurt her now, at the end of the world, after she too had sacrificed so much for the sake of battling evil, would go beyond the word cruel. It would be purely despicable. He would not do that to his sister.
And he definitely would not hurt her over a boy.
Even if he had been in love with that boy since before he ever knew her.
Even if that boy was his best friend.
Even if that boy was Mike Wheeler.
But instead of hurting her, he would simply admire from afar. He’d watch from the window like he did a new bike he knew his hardworking mother couldn’t afford.
Especially for a boy he knew didn’t love him in the way he loved that boy.
He instead allowed himself to get lost in that boy as he yet again walked their large group through yet another boring crawl. He let his words fade away as he stared at Mike’s lips, as he had for the last several crawls before. He could practically feel his pupils dilating as Mike ran his fingers through his messy hair in hopes of pushing it away from his face. He ignored the shiver that threatened to form and expose him, and he tried his best to ignore the fact that Mike’s pinky finger was briefly brushed against his as Mike went to move one of the D&D figures Will made for him.
And when the group finally broke into their teams, he ignored the clear distance between the boy and his sister. He instead turned away to grab his pencil and his sketchbook. And like the creature of habit Will was, he took the pad of paper and made his way up the stairs so he could use the solitude of the separated floor to focus on his drawings.
He opened the sketchbook and flipped through the pages, searching for a blank page. He was quickly running out of blank pages to draw on. It seemed that every page he flipped through had been used to draw the same head of messy hair or the same slender fingers intertwined with his own.
He didn’t find a blank page, but instead found one that Will still hadn’t finished and couldn’t seem to find the courage to finish. He stared at it, slowly inching his pencil towards the paper in hopes that at long last he’d finish the piece he started.
“Whatcha drawing?” A voice asked as its corresponding body sat beside him on the floor, leaning back against the wall to peer at the paper through the space between Will’s head and his broad shoulder.
“Uh– nothing!” Will replied with panic as he slammed the sketchbook shut and dropped the pencil from his hand, “I uh.. wasn’t drawing anything. Just… looking at old stuff.”
“Admiring your past pieces?” the voice asked as he tried to slide his hand towards the sketchbook.
Will turned and saw Mike looking at him with his usual softened expression. Only this time that softness had a spark of interest in his eyes. A heat wave rushed through Will’s naturally cold body. “More like laughing at it. I didn’t realise how bad at shading I was last year.”
“Are you kidding me? They’re incredible! Even the ones you think suck are still amazing. You’re amazing!” Mike commented as his hand swiped at the sketchbook.
Will swatted back his best friend’s hand, slapping Mike at the back of the hand lightly to block the attempt at stealing the notebook. He giggled as he leaned away from Mike, holding the sketchbook high above his head teasingly as Mike made a second attempt and failed yet again. They went on for another minute or two, with Will taunting him with the paper and Mike pretending that he couldn’t just lean over and grab it if he really tried.
They laughed together as Will slid further and further back along the wall until he hit the corner, Mike leaning forward and reaching out with every resisting motion Will made. But when Will backed himself into the corner, he finally noticed just how much Mike was reaching towards him. With nowhere else to slide away to, he held the book slightly higher than he had only moments before. His one arm was stretched as much as it could, almost to the point where it strained the muscles he worked so hard to build in Lenora.
He looked up at the sketchbook, and the joy melted away into panic, his eyes widening at a realisation he should’ve made before he started toying with the boy.
Mike would actually get a hold of the book.
When he looked away from the book, he watched with horror as Mike leaned in, holding himself up with one hand while the other reached yet again for the sketchbook. He smirked innocently like he knew that at long last he’d finally win this game of theirs.
When Mike leaned closer, almost directly into the other boy, Will couldn’t help but notice how close they were. He could hear every breath he took and could almost feel Mike’s chest rising and falling with it. He watched, frozen in place, as Mike leaned even closer, their bodies almost pressed together. Almost, but not quite. There was a very small sliver of space between them, barely enough for air to pass through, but it was just enough to keep them apart.
And maybe if he were cruel, he might’ve rid them of that small space between them. He might’ve taken his free hand, which was pressed against the wall beside him, to ground him. And used it to press Mike into him at last. He might’ve dropped the book and cupped the boy’s warm cheek with his cold palm. He might’ve even kissed him then if he was both cruel and brave.
But he wasn’t cruel. And he certainly was not brave.
He took his free hand and put it against Mike’s chest, using all the force his shocked body could muster to push his best friend as far as he could from himself.
Mike went flying back, landing on his back a few feet away from Will, who had pulled his legs closer to his chest and wrapped himself around the sketchbook. He watched for a moment as Will looked at his knees and refused to meet his gaze.
“What the hell man?” Mike snapped as he sat himself up and slowly inched himself back towards Will. He stopped after each slight motion, trying his best not to upset his best friend further.
Will didn’t respond. Instead, his mind raced.
Why the hell did I just do that?
God, I’m such an idiot.
Oh no, what I screwed up?
Does he hate me now?
Mike then slid closer to Will again, trying to clear the distance without upsetting the boy further.
“Hey,” Mike began again, this time with his usual soft tone that he saved only for Will Byers, “Look, I’m sorry for upsetting you. Truly. But I don’t really know what I did to upset you, so please talk to me here.”
“The… sketchbook,” Will began, his voice trailing off as he slowly slid his legs away from his shoulders and back towards the ground,
“Yeah?” Mike acknowledged, “Oh god, did I mess it up? Shit, I am so sorry man.”
“No!.... No, you didn’t mess it up.” Will reassured him as he finally looked at Mike. He could feel a butterfly in the deepest pit of his stomach as it finally left its cocoon and began fluttering around, “It’s just…”
“...You find them embarrassing,” Mike finished, “Seeing it after a while makes you realise how much better you are now, and they feel embarrassing now.”
“Yeah. That’s one way to put it.” Will nodded as his legs finally hit the ground and his tense position finally loosened.
Mike saw it as an opportunity to slide next to him, their bodies shoulder to shoulder again, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just think all your drawings, even the bad ones, are amazing.”
“No, it’s my fault. I kinda made a game out of it.”
“No no no, it’s all me. I should’ve known,” Mike protested as he looked at Will and then at the empty doorway, “We okay?”
Will’s eyes trailed Mike’s to the empty doorway, but he watched as it was filled with the silhouette of an all too familiar figure.
“Mike.” She said firmly, “Talk?”
Mike sighed, “Yeah, give me a sec El and I’ll meet you. Roof?”
She nodded and walked through another doorway, rolling up the sleeves of a faded yellow and purple flannel that obviously belonged to Will.
Mike leaned his head against the wall and let out a second and much longer sigh.
“What’s wrong? I thought you wanted to work things out.” Will asked as he raised one one of his eyebrows.
“Yeah. I do. It’s just….” Mike began.
“...She hasn’t spoken to you since Lenora.” Will finished.
“Yeah.. So whatever she wants to say now can’t be good.” Mike added.
“I mean, did you try talking to her since then?” Will asked.
“Not really,” Mike admitted, “I just thought she wanted space, and I didn’t want to push it. Especially after….”
“....Vecna.”
“Yeah.”
“Just talk to her now. Explain yourself. Apologize. She’ll understand, especially if you use that heart of yours. She loves you,” Will suggested as he nudged Mike’s shoulder towards the door that Jane just walked through.
“Yeah. You’re right. Thanks man,” Mike replied, giving a playful punch back at Will’s shoulder before he stood up and walked towards the door.
Will watched Mike pause in the doorway, letting out one last deep breath. He looked back at Will, and Will let the selfish eye contact linger between them for a moment before he looked away.
“Wish me luck.” Mike commented.
“Always.” Will replied as he stood and left the room and walked back down into the basement of the Squawk, leaving Mike there in the doorway.
Will didn’t waste time finding his older brother, who was sitting on the couch with his arm wrapped around Nancy. He walked up to them and held out the sketchbook for Jonathan to take. He reluctantly did so, looking at Will with clear confusion as he took the small book from his brother’s hand.
“I’m done with it.” Will tried to explain, keeping his words as minimal as he could.
“Okay. Want me to hold onto it then?” his brother asked.
“No. Burn it. Throw it out. I don’t care, I just don’t want to ever see it again.”