Chapter Text
"Woah, Nerd, it's so kind of you to have us all come over to prepare the critic's house for sale! We all can FINALLY take something to remember him by! Forever!" Filmbrain exclaimed. He was the first one to arrive in the great Chicago, very soon after the Angry Videogame Nerd sent out the first chain email.
"Why are we the ones that have to do this anyway? YOU were the one married to him after all." NostalgiaChick complained, as she actively combed through different drawers in the living room, hoping for a wad of cash or the critic's login information for all kinds of online-shopping websites.
"A dead man's wish" The nerd shrugged with a smile. Seemingly unaffected by the loss of his partner, he wiped the dust off of tabletops and shelves, reorganising the critic's DVD box sets in subtle ways, just enough that it would have really pissed him off.
"He actually wrote, by himself, in his will that he wanted all of you to choose from his personal belongings what you will inherit."
"Oh yeah, and following a guy's questionable will went SO great for us last time?" Linkara flipped through the small collection of comic books the critic owned, hoping to find a gem somewhere in there.
"You know, I really didn't expect him to have such mediocre taste." He stated condescendingly.
Filmbrain carefully outlined the frame of a poster the group had made of one of their own Adventures: Kickassia, where NC's face shined pridefully in the centre of the image. The observing man shed a tear.
The angry videogame nerd to his side checked his Casio watch. A small gift he had gotten from the critic for a birthday which proved to be very useful, especially for a man like him who tended to get lost in time. Right now though, Nerd knew that it was April here in Chicago, and that meant it was time.
"OW- WHAT THE FUCK! NO, FUCK YOU, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? NO!"
This loud screaming could be heard from the kitchen, a room over from where a majority of the people present were. Angry Joe stomped out of the room, covering his eyes and dragging Paw Dugan, who looked almost star-struck right behind him and slammed the kitchen door.
"NO. I did NOT agree to this. Who's responsible for HIM being here?" Joe looked around the room dramatically, but he was only met with many innocent and scared faces at his sudden rage. All but one person were clueless to the source of his rage, and he pointed to the outlier. Before he could state the person's name, though, a loud, booming voice, annoying to many, already exclaimed what he and some others in the room were thinking.
"NEEEEEEERD!"
The Nostalgiacritic slammed open the door, pushing Paw and Joe out of the way to reveal his glorious figure, as in he looked the exact same as he always had. The Nerd crossed his arms with a subtle smile, stepping out to face his foe.
"So the Ouija board wasn't lying? It really is you, isn't it, critic."
The silence around them was telling, as everybody's heads visibly filled with different questions. Angry Joe was the only one who looked back and forth frantically between the two, rubbing his eyes in disbelief.
The Critic stepped closer, and the Nerd followed. There was about a foot of space between them.
"Ah, Nerd, I would respond but your stupid face and that stupid smile on it is just so distracting!" They were looking each other deep in the eyes, a sense of longing that was finally being fulfilled, masked by a thin veil of mutual hatred. They got to enjoy this moment for very little, before Filmbrain practically jumped the film reviewer and wrapped his arms around his waist.
"OH CRITIC! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH, I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE FINALLY BACK AND HERE FOR ALL OF US HELPLESS, HELPLESS SHEEP!" He cried dramatically, hanging off of the helpless and slightly agitated critic, who pushed him away subtly by the shoulder, while smiling at the rest, mumbling something along the lines of "yeah, I'm happy to see you too… movie head or whatever your name was.."
Nostalgiachick crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, not shocked by the appearance of the critic — more so very, very let down.
"Weren't you supposed to be in the plot hole? For the safety of the multiverse, or whatever? She asked, with a tinge of sarcasm in her voice.
"Good question!" The Nostalgiacritic remarked.
He then continued, more loudly and optimistically, turning his head in sharp angles to have everybody in his view, one after one.
"I'm very glad to have all of you here, my expectations for who would and would not be here were certainly… met"
He looked each reviewer in the eyes, one after another.
Filmbrain. Linkara, Nostalgia Chick, Angry Joe. Paw Dugan and the Nerd.
"Spoony and Snob were gonna join too, but they're both busy" Nerd added on.
"Great, what a relief." The critic said and flatly, before continuing his point.
"Now that we're all here, and I'm sure you've all already reacquainted with each other… We can cut straight to the chase, right? And how convenient that it happens to be April" His expression soured for just a moment, before defaulting back to the wide grin he loved wearing.
"So you baited us all to come here, so you could return unannounced and… make a new anniversary movie?" Linkara questioned him with a raised eyebrow. He put the comics to the side, but kept one hand on the stack as to protect it.
"Exactly, my dear friend. We're having an adventure for this anniversary that exceeds every single plot we've had until now." His gaze involuntarily turned to meet that of Paw as he spoke, who was bopping his head very subtly to music he was probably listening to. He must've been a lip reading master or something. He resumed.
"I've got GREAT plans for all of us and there is lots to be done, so I hope you all let your families and work know that you'll be gone for the next week or month!" He announced with great enthusiasm (and volume). Against his expectations, the room did NOT fill with thunderous applause and cheering, instead remaining in dead silence as he froze in his victorious pose, ready to receive all the praise he could have gotten.
"Well, what's the plan?" Paw asked quietly and curiously. He smiled slightly and waited for the response patiently.
"Very good question, Paw. Very good question." The critic clasped his hands together, waiting for an idea to strike.
A moment passed.
The critic could feel everybody's eyes on him.
"Such a shame that Phallous couldn't make it here in time" He nodded with a smile.
"To be very honest with you all — which I think you deserve considering my heartbreaking absence — I don't have an idea!"
This confession was met with a groan from everybody, even the nerd.
"What?" The Nostalgiacritic began to defend himself. "It's hard to plan such a perfect return from a place like the Plot Hole and find a quest to do AFTERWARDS"
"Don't worry Critic, no matter what you do, we'll follow you in your footsteps, no matter what you do!" Filmbrain cried dramatically. His opinion did not seem to reflect that of the majority.
"Well-" Paw cleared his throat and started moving around the room, still smiling softly. "Why does it have to be some elaborate quest? Maybe this year to celebrate we should do something more… slice of life?" Everybody else began nodding and agreeing.
"YES, WE NEED A CALM SIDE-QUEST, DAMNIT!" Angry Joe stomped his foot as he loudly agreed. He noticed that he was getting weird looks over this sudden wish for something peaceful, especially from Linkara and NChick, to which he crossed his arms. "What, I can want to do something fun too, it's not just about guns and violence!"
The critic, who looked as confused as ever, turned to the Angry Videogame nerd, who shrugged. "I could bring the NES and some games over" He suggested, looking impartial to the situation and holding out his right hand for the critic to grab.
"Then…" NC gave it another second before making up his mind.
"Let's do this!" He enthusiastically got a hold of the Nerd's hand and held it up, which surprised the gamer.
"We're bringing this group back, greater than ever! Spread the word, people. Because this will be the most Awesome gathering you can possibly ever imagine. Bring anybody else you can think of and try to see why the others couldn't be here today! You'll get all the details before tomorrow and I'll see you then!" He announced with grandieur in his voice.
"And NostalgiaChick" He added on as everybody started leaving, "that better not be my brand-new Cinderella DVD box set in your pockets! You know I care deeply about my collection!" The critic said in a deeply annoying, sing-songy voice, before she, too, left the house. Leaving only him and the Nerd over until the next day.
All the room lights had already gone out. The only things left illuminating the room were a TV that couldn't be younger than 20 years playing a marathon of Universal's Monster series movies and the critic's iPad, on which he was scrolling and looking through different E-mails and Comments he received during his time in the Plot Hole. They both laid in his bed, with the Nerd resting his head on his chest, listening less to the movies and more to the critic's calming breathing.
Usually they couldn't meet up that effectively, with both having their own shows to run, but they used any excuse they could to spend time in each others presence.
"I can't believe this much time has passed.. it felt like a month at most for me" The critic said, astounded. He spoke quietly, and so did the Nerd.
" 'Twas hard as shit without you here, I missed you. Really." His speech was slurred slightly and he was already half asleep. The movie served as nothing but background noise, some flashing lights for him to squint at since he wouldn't be able to see anything without the glasses regardless. "Tell me 'bout the plot hole, asshole. I wanna hear" He asked.
"I don't remember much, really. You know how when you dream, you think you remember it but all the details are really fuzzy?" He was going to gesture according to his thoughts, but his partner had already grabbed his only free arm in a tight hug.
"Mhm.."
"One moment I was in a role, directing horrible remake reels of classic movies. The next I was reviewing my own films, convinced of the fact that they had been conceived by a different man." He put the tablet down and stared at the ceiling.
"But what I remember most, is the blinding, blinding glow of the plot hole itself. So bright you have to describe it twice. It persisted, even in that horrible part where I had to compete in a game show that was hosted by myself. And when I got the sign that it would be over soon, it only got stronger…" he paused.
"It might have carried over into our reality for a second too.." Critic had almost forgotten how much he missed a physical form. The real perception of the world around him. The tactility and warmth of the Nerd laying on his chest, and his short hair tickling him ever so slightly.
"Nerd, do you think it was the right call to start a new adventure this early?"
The silence spoke, and it was just as unsure as he was. The Nerd had already fallen asleep, snoring quietly. Critic put the tablet on his nightstand, turned off the television with his free hand and closed his eyes, for what felt like the first time in eternity. He, too, was fast asleep.