Chapter Text
''Mugiwara no Luffy?’’
The aforementioned man rolls around the sand before rubbing his eyes and opening them to look at the person talking to him. There is a small group of men behind him, looking not unlike pirates, or bandits, or criminals of some sort, what with their scarred skin and unruly, careless clothing. He makes eye contact with a den-den mushi resting on someone’s shoulder.
Mugiwara no Luffy, the pirate who managed to defeat Kaido, an Emperor Of The Sea, who is also the newly appointed Emperor Of The Sea himself, the rookie who broke into the three major Government strongholds, pissed off the World Government in a million different ways, son of the Revolutionary Dragon, brother of Gol D. Ace, the chief of Staff- ok, you get it. He sits up slightly and stretches out his arms and neck, yawning and sighing. His eyes are puffy from the obviously comfortable sleep and his hair is sticking out in every direction. Wearing nothing but a long red bathrobe, x-shaped scar visible to the world, no shoes, hat missing, laying in the sand with specks of it sticking to his skin, and hair damp, he looks like a true child of the Sea.
''Who the hell are you?’’ he says after a few moments, looking at the man who spoke.
The men nervously stare at him and at eachother. ''Uh… we are… we are just humble… journalists, if you will. We noticed you getting washed up ashore and, uh… well, we decided to come over and talk to you… If that’s alright.’’
''Alright.’’ Luffy nods enthusiastically, still sitting down with his legs stretched out in the sand.
''...’’
''...’’
''...’’
''...’’
''So! Uh… we work for the Cross Guild. We interview infamous pirates and post them on our blog, trying to get their side of the story. I apologize for being presumptuous, but, uh… would you be willing to participate…? Perchance?’’
''Hmm. Sure!’’
''...’’ The men openly stare in disbelief for a moment before someone punches their elbow at the leader of the group.
''Right, uh. So, would you like us all to just move and sit over ther-’’
''What’s with the snail?’’
The man follows the pirate’s eyes and looks behind him at the den-den mushi. ‘’Right! We’re recording, if that’s alright? It’s just for, y’know, evidentiary support. So people know we’re not making up these interviews.’’
''Cool.’’ The literal Emperor (of the sea) finally stands up, brushes off some sand, brushes through his hair and looks at him, waiting.
''Oh, right here?- A-alright.’’ There is a murmur among the group, deciding who’s gonna ask the first question and, most importantly, which one to ask. It is very important that they do not offend the Emperor, after all, lest they lose their heads. Or worse - miss their only chance at an interview with The Mugiwara no Luffy.
One man bravely steps forward, ''So, would you be willing to share, mayhaps, about your adventures during those 2 years you were presumed dead?’’
''I was presumed dead during that time??’’
''...’’
''...’’
''...Yes? You didn’t know about that?’’
''But I came back to Marineford! The whole purpose of that was to show I was still alive!’’
''So that was the reason… What about the whole, y’know, bell thing? And the other things you did? There were many theories, but the general consensus is that you were announcing the beginning of a new era.’’, another brave soul speaks up.
''What? No, I don’t care about any of that stuff.’’
''...’’ Silence falls over the group of men. Someone, yet again, speaks up. ‘’So, then… it wasn’t like… A declaration of war? Or any kind of declaration? What about Dark King Rayleigh?’’
''Wow, you guys were really overthinking that, huh?’’
''.....’’ Even the den-den mushi seemed speechless, despite not speaking.
''I was communicating with my crew because we were all separated, and I had no clue where they were. Had to somehow send them a secret message. It was meant only for them, so don’t feel bad for not getting it!’’
''...Oh…’’ The group exclaims simultaneously. ‘’So what was the message? Apart from letting them know you’re alive.’’
''Not telling.’’ The Emperor childishly… yeah, childishly, crosses his arms and sticks out his tongue in a mocking gesture.
''...’’
''...’’
''Anyway… Excuse my forwardness… Mugiwara-sama…? Speaking of your crew, where are they?’’ A lanky-looking fellow from the furthest back in the group asks.
''No clue!’’ Mugiwara-sama exclaims with an almost impossibly wide grin.
''’’What??’’’’
''Bahahahahaha!’’
''What do you mean you don’t know where they are? You’re their captain! What about your ship? And, and, you’re a devil fruit user, you could’ve drowned! Will they even be alright without you?’’ The same lanky fellow fires off the questions almost recklessly, with every sentence the group getting more worried and glaring at him with increasing intensity. Someone slaps a hand over his mouth and hides him behind some guys in the group.
''They’re adults! They can take care of themselves. Well, apart from Chopper, but maybe he’s an adult in reindeer years? Huh… Anyways… Where am I? What is this island?’’
''...’’ Yet again, for the nth time, this group of men- journalists, is speechless. He never fails to catch you off guard! As expected of the Emperor! They attempt to catch him up on things, though he doesn’t seem to be paying much attention.
''Ehhh, you know what? Nevermind. I gotta find my hat, it probably washed up ashore with me.’’
''Shouldn’t you, erm… I mean, doesn’t finding your crew first take priority? Aren’t you worried about them? The hat can’t wait?’’ The men follow him around as he speedwalks down the beach, looking around on the sand and in the waters for any sign of yellow.
''My hat is my greatest treasure; I have to find it. And my crew is strong and independent! They are the best crew in the world, I have bigger problems to think about right now.’’
''...Like what?’’ Someone asked hesitatingly. It must be the fact that he’s lost, or half naked, or barefoot, or broke, or-’’
''Well, first of all, my stomach is empty.’’
''...’’
''Actually, no, first of all is my hat. Hat first, food second… Unless…? Huh…’’ He stops abruptly in thought, the men forced to brake behind him and nearly crashing into each other.
''No, no, no, seriously, I’m confused on how you’re gonna find your ship and reunite with your crew.’’
''Woah, calm down, old man. One problem at a time.’’
''I’m… I’m 30…’’ He whispers, meanwhile someone else chimes in.‘’What problems are you going to tackle first, then?’’
The pirate scratches at his collarbone. ''I need food, water, shoes, maybe some clothes. And a bath, I’m all itchy from this sand and salt.’’
After a last attempt at scouting the view with his eyes, he gives up. ''Ah, I’m never gonna find it at this rate. Yosh! Food it is.’’ The fearsome pirate whines before turning 90 degrees and walking away from the beach and into the city. The journalists rush after him.
Said fearsome pirate quickly decides on a nearby cafe and sits down outside on a small table that can only fit four. The crew of journalists flood the tables around him. As he’s scouring the menu, the men whisper among themselves, the leader and the den-den mushi guy choosing to sit at the pirate’s table. He’s very seriously observing the menu, completely ignoring everyone around him. Thankfully, he doesn’t protest sharing the table.
Once the waitress comes, he points at the menu and orders the 10lb spicy ramen challenge that is completely free of charge if you manage to eat the whole thing in 30 minutes, as well as a huge dessert with a similar bargain. You also get a groovy t-shirt and a spot on the wall, or whatever. To top it all off, he also orders an absolutely filthy-sounding milkshake that might as well be a ticket to heaven in disguise from the sugar content alone. The waitress walks away, and a completely different waiter comes to take the orders of the journalists. The cafe is now buzzing with enthusiastic conversation and a light atmosphere. Nothing like good food and drinks to unite humanity and bring world peace, amirite?
The milkshake arrives first. It is a thick, pink liquid in a huge glass, topped with like a meter-long mountain of whipped cream, with a whole cake slice shoved in there, among other things. Filthy. Criminal. The leader guy passes off his fries to someone behind him and instead decides to take advantage of the pirate’s obvious good mood to interrogate him a bit further.
''Many people wonder where you got that scar on your face. If you… don’t mind me asking…’’
Mugiw- Strawhat just stares at him for a second. ''Oh! You mean this one. I gave it to myself!’’
''...Elaborate, please?’’
''I wanted to prove my bravery,’’ he continues, ''Well, technically, I wanted to take my eye out, but I missed, and it hurt, so I chickened out, haha!’’
''You chickened out?’’ The leader guy and the den-den mushi guy look at each other in surprise. What did he mean by chickened out? The same guy who fearlessly challenges everybody and their mom? Chickened out? Ain’t no way.
''Yeah, well, I was 6. Don’t judge.’’
''’’You did that at 6??’’’’ They couldn’t hold in their volume as they yelled out.
Another person chimes in, ''Strawhat, you never did tell us what you and your crew did during those 2 years,’’ the man seemed nervous, as if he was thinking about saying that for a while.
''Uhh, training, researching, studying, cooking, getting stronger in general... One of us became a rock star, haha! Always fun to think about!’’
''Right, how do you feel about Soul King Brook becoming a rock star in your absence?’’ The journalists are all now involved in the conversation- err, interview.
''I’m so happy for him. Brook deserves it! Brook is the best!’’
The men look at him in awe. He’s eating the cake on his milkshake, with sips in between. He’s young, his skin is clear and tight, he’s short, he’s… barefoot. The more time that passes, this pirate seems less and less like a fearsome Emperor who committed nothing short of incredible miracles with endless hoards of allies at his call, and more like… a very lovable little sibling.
…Do they have the right guy? Ah, but, this guy lost his straw hat, has the same, recognizable scars, he was in Marineford, and he knows Soul King.
"What will you do if you don't find your hat?"
"Hmm, Jimbe could probably help. Either way, I'll find it for sure."
Several waiters bring in a huge bowl of ramen that is bigger than Strawhat’s thorax and a huge platter of the dessert, which is also bigger than him. Stawhat’s attention is suddenly monopolized by the food in front of him. He looks like an excited kid who got 3 scoops of ice cream… except he has received who knows how many pounds of ice cream. And chocolate. And honestly, stuff that is not even really recognizable from how drenched it is in… who knows what. Is he… gonna be okay?
Well, he certainly wasted no time grabbing his comically long chopsticks and digging in. The men cannot even attempt to speak a word to him, whoa, he’s really going in there- and it’s gone. The dessert is the next victim, he seems to savor it about 0.1% slower than the ramen. Hopefully, the men can get a word in this time- nope, it’s gone too.
The pirate sighs loudly in contentment and shows his appreciation for the food to the waiters, who seem like they didn’t even have enough time to react. He is immediately ushered away for a photo that is later hung up on the wall of fame, and he recieves some t-shirt with their logo on it. The men are observing from their seats, now finishing their own food, how he seems to deny a second shirt, presumably from the dessert challenge. Instead, he takes his arms out of his sleeves, the robe hanging from his waist, and he essentially puts on a show for the whole world to see as he puts the t-shirt over his muscular torso and arms. With the way the literal, individual muscle fibers are rippling, visible to a blind man even, he must have a very low body fat percentage. Even the den-den mushi seemed to do a double take. You could study anatomy on this guy! In a literal sense!
Then he puts the robe back on over the t-shirt. Right, still missing pants…wait.
He sits back down at the table, takes a toothpick, and finishes the glass of water on the table. ''Only thing missing now is some pants and shoes. And hat.’’
’’Strawhat, do you not have any pants on? What’s with the bathrobe, anyway?’’
’’Nope. Didn’t bother changing into pajamas. I mean, they’re pretty much the same thing anyway, right?’’ he says as he toothpicks away.
’You are butt naked underneath that??’ is what they all thought and would've said, if they had the balls.
Well, this particular guy must have been neutered with the way he instead proceeds with the safer option; ’’So you fell asleep in it… But how did you get washed up?’’
He seems to ponder for a second, ’’Hm, who knows?’’
They should be used to it by now. At this point they’re less exasperated and more… hopeless. Given up. Is it improvement?
’Let’s just go back to the interview’, is what one of the guys say to him with his eyes.
The leader guy clears his throat. ’’Well, uh, I have to say, Strawhat, you have shattered the image that has been painted of you during your travels. Which is also one of the reasons why we formed this group. Apart from having fun, of course, the News Coo and other sources are very unreliable when it comes to objective information. We want to debunk some info, or rather, rumors, that have been circulating about you.’’
Strawhat is just staring blankly at him, rocking on his chair and still toothpicking away, not seeming interested.
’’If you don’t mind…?’’
’’Ok.’’
’’Alright, so, most recently there was new info that you… Well, that you have taken Vegapunk hostage and eventually… Well, rumor has it that you have some animosity towards him, and that you went to Egghead island for him.’’ Leader Guy wisely chose to keep the word ’’kill’’ out of his vocabulary.
’’Old man Punk? I remember, they wrote in the news that I took him hostage, but we’re literally on the same team!’’
Leader Guy turns and looks at the den-den mushi, gesticulating widely. ’’And there you have it ladies and gentlemen, we debunked a rumor from those marine dogs right off the bat! And who’s to say they’re not lying about countless other things?’’ He turns back around. ’’Strawhat, I don’t believe I’ve thanked you properly for allowing us to do this interview. Your valuable insight is truly priceless.’’ The sole change in Strawhat’s chair-rocking posture is the slightly raised eyebrow, still uninterested.
Somebody else chimes in, ’’Back to the topic - how did you meet Vegapunk?’’
’’I met him on Egghead Island.’’
’’Like…A long time ago? You visited Egghead before?’’ somebody else asks in confusion.
’’You guys are kinda stupid, huh? No, I met him, like, now, on Egghead.’’
’’...So, uh, how come you guys teamed up…? Recently…?’’
’’No reason.’’
’’...’’
’’I mean, there was, like, this whole thing with the marines surrounding us and the elders coming down to fight us, so it became convenient, but that happened later. He was just so nice and created these super cool machines that can create any meal instantly!’’
’’’’...what?’’’’’
’’I know, right? Sweet! Salty! Spicy! Umami! Combination! Anything at all that you crave, there it is, in a blink! That was the moment when I realized, wow, this guy is a genius.’’
’’’’That’s what made you realize??’’’’
’’And also, funny thing, the Marines there thought we were teamed up before we even met. But then later, they wrote the opposite. Kinda crazy. Maybe they’re polar?’’
’’Hold on, hold on, what did you say about the Gorosei? The Elders?’’
’’They're polar? I think that's how you say it.'' He looks to the side and furrows his brows, as if in thought.
’’No, no, they came down to fight you? The Elders?’’
''Yeah, they jumped me.’’
''...Seriously?''
’’It was so fun!’’ He grins, seeming very interested now.
Silence takes over the cafe. Not even crickets can be heard.
Strawhat continues, describing the situation and counting on his fingers as he lists off; ’’There was a spider guy, bird guy, boar guy, pony guy, and…. Uh… Oh! Boar guy! Man, he was the toughest!’’
’’You said boar twice…’’
’’Huh?’’ He brings up his fingers again. ’’Spider, bird, pony, bear… Ohhh worm! Sandworm! He was the easiest.’’
’’...’’
’’He would open his big mouth and start vacuuming absolutely everything like a black hole. But his mouth is not that big, so just plug it up, and, boom! Problem solved.’’ he says. ’’But the boar, man, I couldn’t even take him down. Like, the other guys I could at least take down, even though they would just regenerate, but still. But, maaan was the boar tough.’’
’’...Is it safe for us to listen to this??’’ Someone asks.
Leader Guy decides it’s up to him to de-escalate this situation before they learn too much.
’’...Back to Vegapunk… In your opinion, do you think that Vegapunk was telling the truth on the broadcast?’’
’’I wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying, but, yeah, he definitely was.’’
’’What makes you say that?’’ Someone asks.
’’Do you think it’s wise to trust someone you don’t know that well?’’ Someone else asks.
’’I mean, I don’t understand anything about the topic, and even if I didn’t trust him, I would still know he was truthful.’’ The men listen on with focus. ’’With the way the Elders were running around like headless chickens, trying to find a way to end the broadcast, I think it’s safe to say he wasn’t lying! Hahahaha!’’
‘What?’ ‘Like headless chickens?’ ‘They tried to stop the broadcast?’ A murmur takes over the cafe, people whispering amongst themselves.
’’They were so hell-bent on capturing me and my friends, but all of a sudden, once Vegapunk started talking, we became the least of their worries. At one point, they completely abandoned me! After they tried so hard to kill me! I didn’t know whether to be offended or relieved.’’
The men ponder the revelation. Once the interview is posted, it will surely flip the world upside down, as the broadcast itself did. It will be like Whitebeard confirming the existence of the One Piece - but this time it’s Straw Hat Luffy confirming the flooding of the world. Among other things. This is the first time in their line of work that they hesitate.
Alas, the greed of men knows no bounds, and they are free, after all. Why should they control themselves? It’s just so much easier to indulge. ''Speaking off… The broadcast cut off before Vegapunk could reveal something about those with the name ’’D’’. Since you have that name, do you know anything?
’’Not really. Something about being ’’the enemies of the gods’’ or whatever. I don’t really get it. Robin would know more. Torao also likes to say that ’’D will raise a storm’’, whatever that means.
Before they could question him further, suddenly, he yelps as a brown pouch falls on his head. He grabs his head and looks down at the table where the pouch fell and bends down to grab it, brows furrowed in confusion. He opens it, and a shimmering yellow light shines on his face.
''Oh, sweet. Now I can get some sandals. Oh, right, the milkshake.’’ He goes back inside, seemingly to pay for the milkshake, which wasn’t free.
''...............’’
The journalists, waiters, busboys, cooks, managers, customers, and the den-den mushi cannot believe their eyes.
What the fuck?
''... He just… was that… planned?’’ A guy says.
''This literally isn’t possible.’’ Another guy says.
''What the hell just happened?’’ A third guy says.
’’Bruh, I’m gonna fucking faint. Is this even real life?’’ A fourth guy says.
''You guys live here, right? You know where I can buy some shoes? I could also go for some pants, they didn’t accept the money, so I have extra.’’ Strawhat comes back outside, looking at the guys whose eyes are as wide as saucers.
''...''
''...I’m not gonna answer your guys’ questions anymore if you won’t help me out a bit.’’
''...Right… let’s go… get you some shoes…’’ the leader guy just gives up. Ignorance is bliss, or whatever they say. He turns around and gives a stare to everybody that says: ‘This interview is way too exclusive and way too interesting to screw up!!’. Everybody calms down, and the sound of Berries can be heard as they all obediently pay for their food, silently pondering the elephant in the room.
Straw hat started the day with 0 berries, barely clothed, and lost. He ate, had dessert even, acquired some clothes, cash, and now they’re on their way to finish his outfit and find a bathhouse, hopefully.
At least they’re getting good content out of this.