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The bar stood out on the empty street, the warm glow of the yellow lights inside creating a contrast with the darkness outside. It’s a relatively new addition to the monotony of Wiskayok, Melissa was sure the place couldn’t be more than a few months old, considering she’d never seen it before.
In reality, the bar opened its doors about a year earlier, in the fall of 2001, but Melissa rarely frequented those kinds of places. She barely left her house at all, the idea of going down the stairs and having to face her mother’s depressing gaze was enough to keep her in bed for hours.
It was during times like these that she missed those few months right after rescue. She’d received a kind of attention from her family she’d never experienced before, too used to being left in the background by her mother to favor her older brothers. Her dad was the only one who truly made an effort to treat all of them equally.
But then died and Melissa came back from the dead, and for a while she was all her family cared about. Her mother often brought her favorite McDonald’s order; her brothers were all there, even the eldest, despite being actively halfway through his fourth semester of college at the time, and they didn’t annoy her once. With all this attention, Melissa found herself rarely thinking or even needing her.
But now, her father is dead, three of her brothers are in college, the fourth moved out to live with his girlfriend eighteen months ago, and Melissa’s return became old news. Her house felt empty now, a shell of what it used to be back when they were still kids, loud and electric. Melissa knew her mother missed those times, missed her husband and kids, the boys more than her.
So, in the recent months, it’s just been her and her mother, who she’d never had a normal relationship with. And the need to not be in that house was what often prompted her to go out with no specific plan in mind.
In reality, she did know why she’d decided — why she needed — to go out on that particular night. She’d been thinking about her way too much recently, and the idea of getting fucking wasted seemed very captivating, as much as anything that would
make her stop thinking for a while.
So that’s how she ended up here, staring at the entryway of a bar in the outskirts of Wiskayok, mustering up the courage to just get in already.
The inside was just like every other bar — dark, full of sweaty bodies and music loud enough it got to a point where you had to scream everything you said. That was perfect for Melissa, it was enough to quiet the many thoughts going through her head. She just needed one more thing.
She went straight to the bar, and could barely realise what she ordered before she downed her drink. The sharp sting of the alcohol quickly moving down her throat felt like a punch in the gut, and that was exactly what she was hoping for.
Melissa downed another drink before making her way to the dance floor. She wasn’t exactly excited to dance, it’s never been her thing, just like anything that involves concentration and physical coordination. But she went to that bar looking for a distraction tonight and was already a little tipsy, so she figured why not.
At the center of the dance floor, Melissa began to move freely and completely out of rhythm, bumping into a few people undoubtedly, but she couldn’t care less. A few minutes passed, and the song changed.
Melissa let her thoughts wander as she moved. She was feeling hopeful tonight, though it could just be the alcohol giving her false hope, and she thought that maybe she could find some girl who would spend the night with her or at the very least make out with her in one of the dirty bathroom stalls. She noticed a woman standing at the edge of the dance floor, dark brown hair and just slightly shorter than her. That would do, Melissa thought, now she just had to go through the hardest part — actually talk to her and not completely fumble it.
She was just about to take the first step towards the woman when suddenly:
Melissa was straddled by a body spontaneously crashing against her back. Their hands landed on her shoulders, quizzing them more tightly than necessary, making her wince, and she tried to ignore the rapid flash of pain she felt on her right shoulder. She needed more alcohol before memories from her time out there resurfaced.
Before she could fully turn around, she heard a very familiar voice, which felt like a cruel joke the universe was throwing in her direction.
“Holy shit dude, I thought I’d never see you again!”
Van.
Melissa was now face to face with a clearly drunk Van, and just seeing her red hair and the scars on her face was enough to make a thousand memories from the Wilderness cloud up Melissa’s thoughts. The obnoxiously loud music and the chatter of the people around them now seemed far away as her whole world was reduced to the person in front of her. Melissa opened and closed her mouth, in search of anything to say, but nothing came up.
Van was surely saying something, as her lips were clearly moving, but no words actually reached Melissa’s ears. Shortly after, Van’s hand had a strong grip on her forearm and she was being pulled away from the dance floor and guided towards the bar. Before she knew it, they were sitting on bar stools, matching drinks in front of them.
“What are the odds, huh?” Van said, bringing her drink to her lips, body slightly turned to Melissa and a small glint was present in her eyes as if she was expecting an interesting conversation to come out of this. Her voice was relaxed in a way only Van could sound, though there was something off about her tone, it must be the alcohol. “Out of all the bars in Wiskayok, we both ended up here tonight”.
“I, uh… yeah… I just came here for a few drinks actually,” That wasn’t entirely true, but being around Van did something to her brain that gave her the childish need to look cool, so she changed her tone to sound uninterested, which rarely ever worked to convince anyone. Knowing Van, it probably wouldn’t work on her, but anything was better than letting her know Melissa was borderline desperate to find someone that would repress the many thoughts she had about her. “Wasn’t even expecting anyone to notice me,” she continued.
“You were hard not to notice, kid” Van replied with a smirk, gesturing with her head to the dance floor, “You were born with two left feet.”
Melissa felt her cheeks warm up at that, she averted the other’s gaze, opting to stare at her glass instead. She took a long sip of her drink.
Van had called her kid, like she used to do out there. It sprung up a cozy feeling inside her chest. Van had said it with such ease, like they were old friends, like they hadn’t spent years barely interacting.
Melissa never fully understood why Van decided to call her that, she was only a year younger than the goalie, after all. At some point, towards the end of their second fall in the wilderness, Melissa asked Van about it, and she explained something about her being in varsity and Melissa still being a JV, a story that didn’t do much to convince said JV. Melissa ultimately dropped the subject, accepting she wouldn’t get a good reason – maybe because there wasn’t one –, she didn’t really mind it anyway, and she knew in her heart that if she ever felt bothered by it, Van would notice and immediately stop, because that was just the way Van was.
“Did you come here with someone or…?” Melissa almost asked what are you doing here?, but that sounded too accusatory, and she needed to keep this conversation going and couldn’t just stay silently calculating what she was going to say next so this is what ended up spilling out of her mouth.
She’s never been that good with words, especially when talking to people like Van. Melissa assumed it’d be easier to maintain a conversation with someone that knew her in ways so few people did, considering everything they’ve been through in the wilderness, but no, it was just as hard.
Upon hearing that, Van’s smile flatted, just a little. “Nope, just me.”
She turned forward, no longer facing Melissa, her gaze unfocused. Van sipped on her drink and Melissa did the same, not knowing how to deal with the silence that lingered between them. Maybe she fucked it up, though she wasn’t sure how.
Thankfully, Van spoke up again: “Where have you been, by the way? I haven’t really seen you around”.
The song changed again, though it sounded exactly like the previous one, yet another repetitive and obnoxiously loud pop song Melissa did not recognise. She didn’t realise just how used to the sounds of the wilderness she’d gotten until she was put in situations like this. Back there the only sounds you could hear were the sounds of birds or water flowing down a river, a contrast to what she was hearing by now. That only made her feel anxious and out of place. She wondered if Van felt the same.
Melissa shrugged, “Just… around. I-I don’t really go out that much”. She finished her drink in one large gulp.
“Any special reason you decided to go out tonight?” Van looked at the girl next to her before taking a sip.
The other girl simply shook her head, still avoiding eye contact with Van. Another wave of silence hit them, it lasted until Van was done with her drink, then she hit the glass on the counter. She was still holding the it in her hand when she let out a tired laugh, “This place fucking sucks”, she didn’t wait for Melissa’s response before turning to look at her, tiniest smirk forming on her lips, something that was so characteristically Van that it made Melissa’s usual nevousness fade a away, just a little bit, “Wanna get out of here?”
They found themselves outside, and before Melissa could take in the chilling whether and the breeze that hit them, she got distracted by Van, who was heading straight to the parking lot next to the building. Melissa stumbled behind the other girl, suddenly very aware of the drinks she’d had up until that point. The world was a little blurry and walking in a straight line seemed way more difficult than it should be.
Melissa noticed Van’s state wasn’t all that different from hers, considering the way she walked and the way she, upon reaching her car, threw herself against it, her shoulder leaning against the driver’s seat window while looking for her car keys, fingers searching inside her many pockets. Melissa couldn’t help but think she looked so relaxed and unbothered by the world around her, even when drunk, all while Melissa herself had to concentrate very hard not to fall face first on the gravel beneath her feet.
Van finally found her keys and got in the car, adjusting herself on the worn fabric of the seat, until she suddenly stopped. Van rolled down her window and looked at Melissa, who was still standing in the parking lot, with a raised eyebrow. Then, Melissa jumped in place like she’d just realised something, she mumbled “oh, yeah”, and made her way to the passenger seat. Once Melissa was comfortable inside, Van started the car and drove out of the parking lot.
The inside of the car was messy in a way that made it look cozy and regularly used rather than dirty and unkept: empty take out containers and receipts littered the floor and, weirdly enough, Melissa found a few VHS tapes on the back seat.
Only when she heard the soft humming of the motor and the world moving outside the window did it come to her that Van was driving. Van, who just shared a drink with her and had undoubtedly had more before her arrival. Melissa found she did not care right now, and drunk driving and possibly dying in a car crash didn’t seem like such a bad idea.
Melissa shook the thought out of her head, sometimes she spooked herself with the things her mind could come up with. She needed a distraction, something to keep her brain occupied, and that was something she was doing before Van showed up. Now, Melissa was in a car with a person she rarely talked to, with no real distractions in sight. She should probably say something.
“Um… Where are we going?”
Van took her eyes off the road for a second, looking at Melissa to answer, “My place”, she said as if it was obvious.
The words felt weird as they reached Melissa’s ears, they sounded similar to words she’d heard before, in similar situations, sitting on the passenger seat of strangers’ cars and heading to their houses or apartments or college dorms for a regular one night stand.
Melissa didn’t do it often, only on nights she’d have a particularly bad fight with the girl she was currently trying to forget; or much later, after they — read her — finally decided to put an end to whatever it is they had, and Melissa managed to find herself in another girl’s bed only days after the fact.
But this couldn’t be the case right now. Melissa needed to get her mind straight, at least for now, while sitting in Van’s car. The other was just looking for a fun night, and the bar was clearly not fulfilling her expectations.
Besides that, Van had a girlfriend, so she obviously wasn’t looking for anything more than getting drunk and having a chat with an old teammate.
Now that Melissa thought about it, where was Tai? Van was alone at the bar, and she was taking her to her place, which was a little bit weird.
Melissa decided against asking Van about it, after all, what Van was doing could actually be completely normal, though Melissa wouldn’t know, given that the only relationship she’s ever been in wasn’t exactly… normal.
“I mean, there isn’t much to do around here…” Van continued, “and I’ve got a few beers at home so…”
Van pulled up to an apartment complex not too far from the bar. Which did surprise Melissa for a moment; as far as she knew, Van lived with her mother in a small house on the other side of town. But that was a while ago, and the last time she got news from where Van was staying was right after they were rescued, so she figured she didn’t know much about the other girl’s life at all.
Her apartment was small and clearly lived in, the opposite of her empty house, which offered Melissa a sense of warmth as she stepped into the living room. Van disappeared momentarily, heading somewhere she could only assume was the kitchen, as Melissa took a closer look to the room she was in.
There wasn’t a lot of decoration, except for a couple of paintings and a few framed photos Melissa could not see clearly. On the very centre of the room sat a coffee table surrounded by a small couch, an old TV on a stand and a VCR player on top of the TV.
Around the TV stand, there were a few cardboard boxes filled to the brim with VHS tapes. Melissa’s feet moved before she could fully comprehend what she was doing, she kneeled beside one of the boxes, fingers moving curiously through the collection. She found a large variation of movies: ones that had just left the theaters, Hollywood blockbusters and old, niche ones Melissa didn’t recognise.
Melissa hasn’t always been such a movie lover (she spent her childhood only loving one movie in particular), but, ironically it was during her time stranded in the middle of nowhere that she began to fall in love with movies, and she could thank Van for it.
If she wanted to, Melissa could close her eyes and be brought back to no particular night in the wilderness, ones where it was so cold the tip of their fingers constantly ached, even underneath so many layers of clothes. Nights in which a small group would gather around Van and listen to her retell, with a scary amount of precision, the stories of movies she’d watched before. Those nights were a great distraction to the monotony of their lives out there, and Melissa knew that if it wasn’t for Van, they would’ve gone insane way sooner.
“Mel?” A voice came from behind her, startling the girl. “Shit, sorry.” Van said when she noticed the way Melissa jumped.
“I-It's fine.” The girl on the floor turned her neck to face Van, who was holding two beers in each of her hands she handed on to Melissa.
“You like my collection?” She said as Melissa stood up and grabbed the beer.
“Yeah… you have so many tapes, so many movies I’ve never heard of.”
Van took a sip of her beer “That’s only half of it,” she sounded slightly proud. “Come here.”
She gestured to the couch, Melissa followed her and they both sat down.
“We can watch something later, if you want,” Van continued.
“Yeah, that sounds cool,” said Melissa, after sipping her beer.
Van stared at the cardboard boxes with an indescribable look, “Those tapes were, like, one of the few things I brought from my mom’s place when I moved in here.” She spoke in an annoyed tone that was almost alien to someone like Van.
“Oh..” Melissa responded, not entirely sure of what to say, which was not uncommon for her. But right now, especially, Melissa couldn’t add much to the conversation, even if she really wanted to, because she was talking to Van, and she didn’t want her to think Melissa was uninterested in what she had to say.
But Melissa didn’t know Van that well, and that made it more difficult. All she knew about the other girl was what she could gather from watching her from afar back in high school. They weren’t close at all and Melissa didn’t know anything about her home life. The closest she ever got to knowing – and she really had to search her memories for it –, was when she overheard someone say Van was the last one to leave the hospital they were admitted to after the rescue because the staff simply couldn’t contact her mother.
She also didn’t miss the pronoun used by Van: I, singular, so she was living on her own. That came as a surprise to Melissa, she expected Van and Tai to be sharing a place by now, but she decided not to question the other about it.
So Melissa didn’t have much to add, and she opted to stay quiet. She watched as Van gulped down what was left of her beer, then stared at the empty bottle in her hands. Melissa finished her own quietly, much slower than Van.
“How about we get high?” Van asked out of the sudden filling in the silence that had settled over them. She proceeded to look around the room as if searching for something. She stood up before Melissa could answer, mindlessly tossing the bottle on the ground. “I think I still have a joint somewhere from the last time Nat was here”.
That surprised Melissa to an extent. They all made an agreement once they got back, to lay low and never speak anything about the things they did out there, and, sure, no one’s ever said interacting with your teammates was completely off the table, but doing so would obviously draw a lot of attention. Melissa was guilty of it herself but she’d rather not think about it. “You guys have been talking?”
“Not really”. Van shook her head as she searched cabinets and shelves, there weren’t that many places Van could look, ”She’s been on and off with Travis so we don’t really have the time.”
So Natalie and Travis were together. Melissa tried to process that in her head. How did she not know that? Apparently everyone’s been talking to each other, and maybe they just didn’t want to involve Melissa in any of that.
Van frowned in concentration as she stuck her arm inside the small drawer on the TV stand, “Aha!” She grinned when she found what she was looking for: a small bag. Then, she made her way back to the couch, an ashtray in one hand and the bag on the other. Van placed the ashtray on the table and unzipped the bag, taking a joint and a lighter out of it. She sat down and placed the bag on the coffee table as she said: “Last time we spoke was right after Taissa…”
The girl trailed off, quickly closing her mouth, she looked nervous, as if the words left her lips before she could control them.
Noticing that, Melissa should have ignored the last sentence, she should probably move on, change the subject. But Melissa was stupidly curious. And drunk. So she pushed on.
“Taissa…?” Melissa asked, encouraging the other girl to keep going. She’d picked up a few signs that something had happened, but what she was about to ask sounded almost impossible. “You guys are not together anymore?”
Van shifted on her seat, then brought the joint to her mouth and lit it. She took a hit before throwing herself against the back cushions of the couch, exhaling the smoke. “Yeah she br- we broke up,” she passed the joint to Melissa, “she’s in New York studying law right now, fulfilling her perfect plan for her future. I guess I was never part of that plan.”
“Shit”, Melissa said after taking a hit and passing it back to Van, “That’s fucked up.” The smoke clouded her thoughts and she genuinely couldn’t warp her head around the fact that Tai and Van weren’t dating anymore. After watching the two of them interact for months in the wilderness, all loving kisses and hand holding Melissa secretly envied, it was hard to imagine them not living a perfect life together.
“No it’s… it’s fine”, Van hesitated, “I’m glad at least she got to live a normal life after all the shit we’ve been through.” She sounded sincere. “Last time I saw her was at Shauna’s wedding, she seemed genuinely happy.” Van’s lips perked up at the memory.
She continued to talk beside her, partially reliving her most recent memories with Tai, though Melissa couldn’t hear it. Van was noticeably unaware of the damage her words had done to Melissa. Shauna’s wedding. Shauna. Precisely the one she’d been avoiding thinking about all night.
Melissa shifted in place, uneasy, she took the joint Van was offering back to her. The girl next to her spoke again, the words felt like a slap to the face, “You didn’t go,” she stated the obvious, ”Shauna looked for you, y’know?”
She said that so simply, as if just stating a fact. In truth, she was, though for Melissa, the words had an impact greater than expected. It resurfaced memories she’d rather stay buried. Memories of intense nights shared with Shauna, in the backseat of her car or under her sheets, both of them sweaty and panting, staring deep into each other's eyes. Nights Melissa knew wouldn’t last long.
Those were the moments Melissa clung to the most. The seconds before Shauna left, or kicked her out, and right after sex; in that short window of time Melissa could pretend she had a normal relationship, she could pretend there was no wilderness and no Jeff, just her and Shauna.
Those moments were always brief though, and Shauna’s soft gaze, one that would appear right after a breath-taking orgasm, would turn stern, or tired, as it was most of the time. Then their weekly meet up would be over, leaving Melissa anxiously waiting for their next time together.
Because, really, she had nothing else going on for her. Her best friend was dead, left forever stuck in the wilderness; she lived in a house that she didn’t recognise as her home anymore and she had no job, or any hopes of getting into any college.
But the moments shared with Shauna came to a definitive end in the shape of a letter, an invitation to a wedding. Shauna was getting married to Jeff. That shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Melissa. The signs were spread out right in front of her — the way their meet ups grew further and further apart, Shauna insisting they should stop altogether, the engagement ring Shauna forgot to take off one time as she made out with Melissa —, but she chose to ignore them.
So that was the real reason she’d gone out tonight. The wedding took place months ago, but Melissa – for some stupid, masochistic reason – still kept the invitation in a drawer in her room, the piece of paper still sat in the same place she’d shoved it into when she revived it. Earlier today, Melissa was going through her things and came across the invitation, which sent her down a spiral, and motivated her to leave her house, looking for anywhere that’d offer her alcohol and a good distraction.
She just would never imagine she’d end up here, getting high on Van’s couch.
Melissa took a hit and passed it to Van, “She did?” She continued the conversation, trying to sound uninterested, but she felt like Van could sense how nervous she was.
“Yeah… the wedding sucked though, you didn’t really miss much”.
Part of Melissa wanted to ask more, mostly about Shauna, but Van pretty much let the topic open, mercifully letting Melissa opt out of this if she wanted to, which Melissa gladly accepted. They were both feeling the effects of the weed by this point and it was slightly harder to truly put thoughts in order.
Van noticed they’d be better off doing anything else other than talk about relationships, so she took the last hit of the joint and put it in the ashtray on the coffee table. Then, she was staring at her TV, an idea forming in her head, and, without turning to face Melissa, she asked, “Hey, how about we watch something?”
She was already on her feet, making her way to the boxes scattered around the TV, when Melissa replied with a “sure”. Van knelt down near one of the boxes Melissa had not checked before, fingers searching through dozens of tapes.
“What do you feel like watching?”
Melissa parted her lips to say she didn’t mind and that Van probably had a better taste in movies than her anyway, but before she could get any words out, Van spoke up again:
“Oh, no, wait… I think I have and idea…” Van mumbled. She was now looking with more precision, clearly with a specific tape in mind. Melissa changed her position from slouched on the couch to resting her elbows on her knees, suddenly very interested in what the other girl was doing she tried to peek over Van’s shoulder, to no success. “Here!” At that, Van pulled up a tape from the box, holding it up to Melissa with a proud smile on her face.
Melissa’s eyes shined as soon as she realised which movie Van chose.
“The Princess Bride?”
“Yep.”
Van stood up, reaching for the VCR and inserting the tape.
“That’s my favorite movie.”
Van looked at her with fake disbelief. “You think I don’t know that, kid?” She turned on the TV and grabbed the remote, “That’s like, the only movie you’d ask me to retell back there.” She explained as she made her way back to the couch then pressed play.
Melissa felt her cheeks heat up a little at that. Sure, she’d mentioned that movie a few times, but she’d been used to always staying in the background, and never expected Van to actually remember that, even after years have passed. But that was simply Van. She was the type of person Melissa always admired for being attentive and funny.
For the longest time in high school, before the crash, Van often caught Melissa’s attention. It started when she finally made it into the team and could watch her play from the bench.
It was mostly her personality that stood out to Melissa: Van’s easy going attitude and her seemingly intrinsic need to make everyone feel included in her own way. Not only that but Van was also a beast on the field, rarely ever letting any ball get through her and having killer reflexes, she was truly something to look at.
Then, Melissa began to notice Van outside the field, too. The way she chose to dress when she wasn’t wearing the team’s jersey – flannels and jackets and loose clothes, very similar to what Melissa herself often wore. This, unsurprisingly, caused stupid comments to be thrown in Van’s directions, comments Melissa had heard variations of as well, but, unlike Melissa, Van always had a clever way to retaliate the comments, and she never seemed bothered by it, at least on the surface.
Melissa knew Van was like her, a cooler unbothered, funnier version of her. There was a part of her back in high school that wanted to be Van.
But then, their plane crashed, and everyone had better things to concern themselves about than the way you dressed or who you were attracted to. So Melissa stored her thoughts about Van on the back of her mind, and busied herself with other things, like tasks, her relationship with Gen, and especially Shauna.
For months out there, Shauna was the focal point of Melissa’s every thought, and the girl was so sure she’d found in the wilderness the teenager love she craved. But their love died quickly, as young love often does, coming to a definitive ending in one of the worst days of Melissa’s life: the day Shauna pointed a gun at her.
Melissa had few memories from that day from after Shauna pulled the trigger, they were all blurry and overlapping one another. However there was one thing she remembered clearly: Van.
Van had been the one to offer her help, she’d been the one to save Melissa from that embarrassing situation. For the first time in her life, Melissa was at the centre of Van’s attention, and it was covered with care and reassurance.
Melissa felt something else that day, a feeling she’d repressed for her own and everyone else’s sake. Van had been so nice and comprehensive to her during a moment she felt the most vulnerable, and it sparked a feeling inside Melissa, something new to her: she found herself wanting Van.
But Van had Tai back then and Melissa was trying to recover from her complicated relationship with Shauna. Now, though, they were out of the wilderness and Tai and Van had broken up, which was still hard to believe.
They’ve been rescued and Melissa hasn’t seen Shauna in months and she was high, sitting on Van’s couch and Van was right there, just inches away from her.
“I’ve always kinda admired you…” words spilled out of her mouth before Melissa could control them, which brought Van’s attention to her. Neither of them had been truly paying attention to the movie, and Melissa didn’t mind, she’d watched it so many times she could recite every line and story beat by heart, after all. Plus the fact that they were both high, and that made it just a little bit harder to concentrate on the film and easier for the words to just flow freely. “You’re funny and so fucking good at soccer. A-And you never cared about what people thought about you…” Melissa rambled, “I think I’ve always wanted you in a way, because you’re so amazing, Van.”
Melissa was vaguely aware of how corny and messy that sounded but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Truthfully, she didn’t know where all of that came from, maybe it was because she was lonely, or because the filter between her thoughts and her words was currently as thin as a sheet of paper, but it felt right to say it at the moment. Especially based on the curious look Van was giving her now, there was something else to it, though. Melissa could’ve sworn she’d imagined the way Van’s eyes flicked to her lips or the tiny smile that formed on her lips, but then…
Then Van lunged forward, clashing their lips together. Melissa couldn’t contain the surprised gasp she let out as her brain took a few seconds to catch up to what was happening, but soon enough, Melissa eagerly returned the kiss. It was wet, hot, open-mouthed and so uncoordinated, as if it was the first time they were kissing anybody, as if they weren’t really meant to be doing it. They kept going anyway, not in spite of it, maybe because of it.
Van’s hand landed on Melissa’s cheek as she scooted closer to the girl, fingers digging into the skin there, the gesture came not from a place of affection but more as a way to ground herself.
Melissa briefly wondered if she should do the same. Should she be touching Van? She felt stupidly lost, she was hesitant, fingers twitching in place. Melissa had done this many times before, afterall, so she had no reason to be nervous. Deep down, she knew the reason, it was because it was Van, someone who actually knew her, someone she actually desisted, the whole thing was way better than any one night stands she’d had in the past.
Before Melissa could make up her mind and do anything though, Van pulled away, a soft huff of air leaving her nostrils.
“What the fuck are we doing…” She shook her head lightly, not looking at Melissa as she stood up and walked towards the kitchen.
The movie still played in the background and Melissa was left to her own thoughts, trying to comprehend what just happened. Van kissed her, then broke the kiss moments later. Did she regret it? She didn’t look particularly displeased, just in shock, Melissa reassured herself.
Van returned to the living room, two beers in hand. She handed Melissa one of them and sat on the couch.
A partial awkwardness lingered over them, as both sipped on their beverages, looking at the TV despite not actually watching the movie.
Melissa wanted to talk, to say something, anything. She wanted to ask if Van was disappointed at Melissa, if she was expecting more in any way. She couldn’t stop the thoughts from bouncing in her head, though one thought reigned over the others: she desperately wanted to continue whatever it was Van started.
But she didn’t know how to. Back in the wilderness, Melissa was never the one to start anything. Not out of personal choice, but something imposed on her. She’d learned at a very early point in her relationship with Shauna that Shauna was the one to begin their romantic interactions — whenever Melissa would land a suggestive hand on Shauna’s arm during their shared time in the hut, or start a sentence that would imply something, she’d be met with a shove or a scoff from the other girl, who would then spend the rest of the night ignoring her.
And given that that was the only relationship Melissa’d ever had (and that it wasn’t exactly normal), she didn’t have much to go off of when it comes to starting romantic interactions.
So the movie kept playing and they continued to not-watch it. Empty beer bottles ended up pilling on the floor, they’d gone through Van’s entire stash, which wasn’t a lot but it was enough for them.
Around the time the third act was beginning to develop on the screen, Van’s eyes were still on the screen as she spoke in a quiet and cautious tone, which was so uncharacteristic for her:
“Uh… sorry about that, Mel.”
“What? N-No it’s fine, I don- I…” Melissa stumbled on her words as Van turned to look at her. She’d been hoping for an opportunity to talk to Van about what happened and the other girl had just given her one. So she closed her eyes and concentrated on what she was going to say. She’d finally mustered the courage to express what she really wanted (the alcohol being a great part of it, no doubt). “We… We can continue what happened earlier, if you’re cool with it. I mean, I really want to and… it doesn’t have to mean anything…”
She didn’t miss the way Van’s eyes briefly lit up upon hearing the last sentence. And she must have done something right, because Van was leaning into her once again.
Their second kiss started slowly, evidently less urgent than the last one they shared. Melissa’s hands grabbed Van’s cheek, this time without hesitation, mimicking the gesture the other girl had made prior. She pulled Van further against her, fingers clenching the soft and scarred skin of her face.
That encouraged Van to deepen their kiss, as she leaned even closer to the blonde, in a way their bodies practically flushed together. Van’s hands flew to Melissa’s waist, crumpling the fabric of her shirt, and her tongue met Melissa’s closed lips, to which Melissa parted them slightly for her to slide her tongue in.
Now Melissa could taste Van on her tongue: she was struck by, mostly, the taste of the cheap beer they’d been drinking and the faint hint of weed. But also Van. The simple fact that she was actually kissing Van — someone she’s been attracted to since their second fall out there, but never acted on it — was enough to send a wave of heat down between her legs.
Melissa changed her hand placement, moving them further down, until one of them rested on the back of her neck and the other on her upper back, then she pulled slightly, prompting Van to break the kiss and change their positions. They shuffled a bit until Mel was laying on the couch, Van on top of her. The couch was small and old in a way that made it uncomfortable to lay on, but Melissa managed to ignore all that when Van put her lips to the side of her neck.
Melissa let out a small grunt as Van sucked the sensitive skin there, leaving marks that would undoubtedly still be there in the next morning. Then, Van brought her hands to Melissa’s breasts, giving them a tentative squeeze, while still working on her neck. What she got in response was a contained moan, giving Van all the confirmation she needed.
She continued to knead both of Melissa’s breasts and the latter could feel herself progressively wetter with each movement. Until Van adjusted herself so they could join lips again, and, as she raised her upper body, she placed her hands on either side of Melissa’s head for support. Before she could continue though, one of her hands slipped out of the couch, making her lose balance completely and fall hard against the girl below her.
“Oh shit… sorry,” she mumbled against Melissa. That unfortunately killed the mood a little bit.
Van wasn’t a clumsy person at all, the complete opposite Melissa, but she’d been drinking all night, and was more prone to doing stupid things like this. She turned her head to Melissa, who was currently staring at her with a funny expression, heavy lidded and the corner of her mouth perked up.
Before Van could direct a light hearted “sorry dude” at her, Melissa was giggling, it wasn’t long before that became a full laugh.
“What?” Van was laughing too, she couldn’t help it, Melissa’s laugh was almost contagious. “It’s not that funny.”
It really wasn’t. Had they been sober, maybe they wouldn’t be laughing at something like this, but they weren’t.
In a quick movement, Van stood up, stumbling backwards a little bit before she extended her hand to the other girl still laying on the couch. “C’mon, this couch wasn’t made to fit two people.”
Melissa took her hand and stood up much faster than she should have. She was immediately hit with the room spinning around her and a headache that made her clench her eyes shut and bring a hand to her forehead like that’d do anything to help her case. Melissa took a step forward, and she’d probably have fallen face first to the floor had Van not been there holding her.
“We might have gone a bit overboard on the booze…” Van joked as she guided her, with careful steps, to a door on the other side of the room.
Unsurprisingly, behind that door was Van’s bedroom. Melissa had little time to take in the small room she was in — the many posters that filled up most of the wall space, the few picture frames scattered around, the soccer ball that sat in the corner, the single bed against the wall — before Van’s lips were back on hers, her hands met Melissa’s waist. That action was enough to re-light the fire that started inside of her once their make out session began.
Van’s fingers slided down to fidget with the hem of Melissa’s shirt as they kissed, tugging it upwards, which prompted the latter to break the kiss and remove the piece of clothing. Silence sat between them for a few seconds, and Melissa could feel Van’s gaze on her, taking in every inch of her bare chest. She could feel a dash of pride in her when she noticed the other girl’s eyes were filled with want.
Another thought filled her mind as Van removed her own shirt, then her sports bra: Van didn’t stare at her scar, unlike so many other girls she’s done similar things with. Melissa wouldn’t have to deal with the momentary look of curiosity, or pity or awkwardness Melissa’s seen in the eyes of so many other girls. Melissa wouldn’t hear a “what happened?” by the end of the night, and she wouldn’t be forcefully thrown back to that night and the memories of everything regarding Shauna.
Melissa wondered if Van had ever gone through similar scenarios. She must have, her scars were undeniably more drastic and harder to hide than Melissa’s.
That made what they were about to just seem right in a way. There were only so many people who could understand them and not judge or pity them, because they were actually there when everything happened.
Melissa was pulled away from her thoughts by Van’s hands on her neck and Van’s mouth on her once again. Melissa held on to her waist as they kissed. It wasn’t long until she felt Van lightly push her backwards, and the other girl understood it as a sign to start moving. She was blindly guided to the single bed without breaking the kiss, and upon reaching it, they laid down and Melissa found herself under Van for the second time that night, only this time she was far more comfortable.
Van wasted no time before warping her mouth around one of Melissa’s nipples. Each suck and twist of tongue the girl received sent a pleasant feeling down her body, which added to the familiar wetness gathering in between her legs. Melissa placed her hand on Van’s hair as the other girl’s hand worked on her other nipple.
The pinching and sucking were doing wonders to her, Melissa knew that was an easy way to quickly get her worked up, and she wondered how Van figured that out so fast. Then, to add to the situation, Van opened her eyes and made eye contact, and that in particular was what made Melissa moan as her hips shyly jerked upwards. Noticing that, Van shifted their position slightly, sliding her leg in between Melissa’s and pressing her knee right against her crotch as she continued stimulating the girl’s tits.
The pleased sound Melissa involuntarily let out was louder than any other she’d made so far. She could feel Van smiling against her skin at that. Then, she let go of her nipple and raised her head to meet Melissa’s lips once again. While her hand unceasingly worked on her nipple, her other arm rested on the bed, next to Melissa’s head.
The new position allowed Van to press her knee even further, and as she did, she was rewarded with a moan against her lips and an encouraging squeeze to her waist, which was enough for heat to begin to pool in Van’s pussy.
Her hand let go of Melissa’s breast and moved downward to the hem of her shorts. With precise finger movement, she slid her hand inside. Melissa exhaled contently as she felt the other girl work tired circles on her clit through her boxers.
Melissa could feel herself getting wetter with the constant stimulation, and she needed more. She tugged her own shorts down, silently giving Van a sign of what she wanted.
With Melissa’s assistance, Van pulled down the girl’s shorts along with her underwear, leaving her fully naked on the bed. Her eyes lingered on Melissa’s body for a few moments, focusing specially on just how wet she was, before throwing her clothes on the floor beside them. Then, Van returned to her previous position, on top of the other girl while her fingers returned to her clit.
Now, given that there were no more barriers between them, Melissa felt a moan escape her lips as she felt Van’s warm touch. Upon hearing that, the girl on top smiled to herself and lowered her head to work with her mouth on Melissa’s nipple, the one opposite from the one she’d sucked earlier. Melissa seemed to like that, Van noticed.
The way her back arched into Van’s touch, “Van…” Melissa said, her voice low and pleased.
At that, Van briefly seized her constant movement on Melissa’s clit and moved her digits lower, to the girl’s entrance. With the amount of slick she’d gathered, her finger slipped inside with ease, but before she completely inserted her finger, Van quickly glanced up at Melissa, a silent question in her eyes.
She received a quick nod in response and promptly continued to insert her middle finger. Once Van was knuckle deep, she pressed against a spot that made Melissa moan loudly, so she repeatedly pressed on that spot in a few quick movements with short intervals between them.
With all the stimulation on her breasts and pussy, it wasn’t long until Melissa was panting beneath her. She was rolling her hips trying to match Van’s moments as she held onto her back. But still…
“Van… more…”, she managed to say in between short breaths.
Then, Van stopped, and removed her fingers, which was not at all what Melissa wanted. She raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to protest, but before she could get words out, Van spoke:
“I… I have an idea”, she seemed to be in deep thought, as if trying to remember something, then, her eyes focused on Melissa, “but only if you're up to it, if not that’s fine too.”
Van’s vagueness sparked some curiosity in Melissa, she turned her head slightly to the side, like a curious puppy, and said “What is it?”
Van got out of bed swiftly, and Melissa found herself missing the warmth she’d gotten used to. She watched as Van made her way to a dresser in a corner of the room and pulled a drawer open and took a box out of it. Van walked up to Melissa with the contents of the box in hands.
“Oh…” was all Melissa could say as she eyed what Van was holding: a purple dildo and a harness. She knew what Van was implying and didn’t quite know how to react to it. Melissa has never tried anything similar, not with any girl and definitely not with Shauna, there were only so many different things they could do out there after all.
So the idea of something new actually excited Melissa. She gave Van a nod, a silent confirmation.
Van removed her pants and underwear and adjusted the strap-on on her body, all the while Melissa watched, intrigued, thinking how it must feel to have it inside her.
“Have you ever done this before?” Van asked.
Melissa shook her head in response.
Van returned to the bed, kneeling right between Melissa’s spread legs. Van used her hand to guide the tip of the strap and align it to the centre of Melissa’s lips. Given just how wet she was, Van found almost no resistance when she slid it inside.
Still, she took her time, sliding in less than an inch and stopping to check on the girl. She understood this was new to her and the last thing she wanted was to make Melissa uncomfortable.
Melissa sucked in a breath as she tried to get used to the new intrusion. It was… different but not unwelcome, only uncomfortable in a way all new things are. She nodded to Van for her to keep going.
So the girl on top readjusted her position, looking to get more comfortable. She placed both her forearms on either side of Melissa’s head, now they were face to face and their bodies were almost flushed against each other. Melissa’s hands met Van’s back, in a desperate need to grab on to any part of her skin she could find, as the latter resumed her movements – sliding in inch by inch until the base on the cock was touching Melissa’s clit.
Then, Van pulled out until the tip of the dildo was almost out, and immediately thrusted the whole thing back in again, deep. Which earned her an encouraging moan from Melissa. Van’s repeated thrusts became more precise and the intervals between them shorter and shorter as minutes passed and Melissa got more used to the intrusion.
Van’s lips collided with Melissa’s face, leaving wet kisses anywhere she could reach – her cheek, her jaw, her lips and neck. Melissa pulled Van closer, nails digging into the skin of her back, when Van began to suck the skin of the neck. That, combined to the constant stimulation on her core was making Melissa feel good in a way she hasn’t felt in a long time.
“F-Fuck, Van…” Melissa mumbled through the haze of pleasure she was in. She could tell, by the way her heart was beating faster, the pulsation of her pussy and how the world around her was seemingly reduced to Van and how she was making her feel, that was getting closer to her orgasm.
Van apparently noticed that too, she brought one of her hands to Melissa’s clit as her thrusts became faster and deeper, fingers circling the sensitive part.
Melissa’s back arched and her hands clenched into fists against Van as she reached her orgasm, loud noises escaping her mouth. Van fucked her through it, her repetive movement slowing coming to a stop as she watched the girl underneath her try to regular her breathing.
Van removed the strap carefully and laid down next to the girl, trying to fit on the small bed. She watched as the dildo glistened with slick before her eyes turned to Melissa, who was now laying on her side, facing Van. They quietly stared at each other's eyes for a few seconds that felt longer than they should have.
After that, Van took off the harness and tossed the strap-on on the floor next to them. Melissa wanted to ask her something, but the words never quite leave her mouth the way she wants them too.
“Do you… want me to…” she said, then directed her gaze to Van’s crotch, now free from any barrier, she could tell the other was as turned on as she was. Melissa placed a hand on Van’s thigh, slowly inching closer to her pussy, gestures were easier than words for her.
Van nodded, understating what she was implying, which prompted them to readjust their position on the bed: Van parted her legs, and Melissa slotted herself between them. She laid on her stomach, face directly in front of Van’s pussy.
Melissa grabbed both of her thighs with her hands, applying a bit of pressure, while she spread soft kisses to the inner side of one of them. Not soon after, her mouth reached Van’s wet lips, she gave them a long lick. The other girl moaned at the feeling of Melissa’s hot tongue on her, her hips involuntarily jerking up to match her movement.
She repeated her movement before she warped her lips around Van’s clit and sucked, to which the girl reacted with a sharp inhale. Then, Melissa felt a hand intertwine with the locks of her hair, and Van pushed her head slightly forward.
Melissa continued to suck and lick her, alternating between the two with clever balance. She could hear Van moan, a sound so addictive she could listen to it forever. That, added to the pleasant feeling of Van’s nails scratching her scalp, were what motivated Melissa to do what she did next:
One of her hands let go of Van’s tight, finding its way to her pussy. She gathered the wetness there, formed both by Van’s slick and Melissa’s saliva, and inserted two of her fingers, slow and tentative, all while her tongue never left the other’s clit.
Van raised her head to look her in the eye before saying, “Fuck, Mel, keep going.”
Melissa almost immediately picked up her pace, pushing her fingers further until they were knuckles deep inside Van. She was rewarded with a grunt, that only became louder and more desperate the faster Melissa stimulated the perfect spot inside her.
She knew Van was close when she felt herself being pushed impossiblely closer to the other girl, the hand on her hair now more brutal. So, she vibrated her tongue, and pressed even harder, until Van reached her climax.
The thighs around her head almost crushed her with the intensity they were trying to close. Despite it, Melissa kept sucking as Van came down from her high.
Only when she was sure Van was coming back from her senses did she remove her fingers and slowly separated herself from Van. Melissa scooted up to lay next to Van, in a similar position they’d been in previously.
Silence lingered over them as the reality of what they’d just done fell upon the two of them. They’d both sobered up a little bit after the sex and they could tell there was a palpable awkwardness in between them, after all what are you supposed to do after fucking your old teammate you’ve barely seen in years?
None of this was wrong per se, but it felt weird in a way that made Melissa tense up. Staring at Van now, she could tell she wasn’t feeling much different. Melissa left her house tonight in search of a distraction, someone that could take her mind off Shauna. And, maybe, Van’s motives for being in that bar weren’t so different from Melissa’s.
Neither of them expected to find each other tonight. Melissa certainly didn’t expect to end up in Van’s apartment. Van, someone who’d seen and lived through everything she’d been through, and it added an unwanted weight to the situation.
Melissa suddenly felt the need to not be there, “I-I should probably…”, she gestured to the door. She wasn’t sure if leaving was the right thing to do at the moment but she felt like it was for the best.
“Uh, yeah.” Van agreed with her.
Melissa slipped out of bed, collecting her clothes that were scattered on the floor, silently putting them back on.
Once she was done, Melissa made her way to the door. She placed her hand on the doorknob, before turning around, she should probably say something before leaving.
“See you around.” Was what she came up with.
Van turned to face her, “See ya.” She answered, watching the girl leave.
The room was briefly invaded by the light from the TV, that was still on in the living room, when the door opened. Then it was thrown back in the partial darkness just as quickly when the door closed.
So Van was left staring at the door, at the space Melissa occupied just seconds ago. She felt a weird feeling settle in her guts, like something was wrong, she just couldn’t know what it was.
She didn’t know that, in two weeks from now, she’d be going to Melissa’s funeral.
She didn’t know that, in two decades from now she’d be staring at Melissa’s eyes once again, and that’d be the last thing she’d see.