Chapter Text
The Blue Paladin → The Black Paladin
The Blue Paladin has initiated a conversation.
The Blue Paladin:
keith you are such an asshole
The Black Paladin:
Princess?
The Blue Paladin:
dude what?
no.
this is lance
The Black Paladin:
Oh that makes much more sense
Why does it still say the blue paladin though?
You're red now
The Blue Paladin:
oh yeah, that.
i kind of. forgot? didn't seem very important considering everything else
The Black Paladin:
Right
The Blue Paladin:
also?? you're such a hypocrite.
yours literally still says the black paladin.
you didn't change it either!
The Black Paladin:
Oh
Right.
The Red Paladin has changed their title to Keith Kogane.
Keith Kogane:
Better?
The Blue Paladin:
dude, i didn't mean that you had to change it right this second
and could you not find anything better? "keith kogane"? really?
Keith Kogane:
Oh I'm sorry did you have something better in mind?
I'm not a paladin anymore
No one else is going to be contacting me
So I don't need a proper title or anything. not that I even have one
The Blue Paladin:
……i
nvm.
fine, i'll do it too
The Blue Paladin has changed their title to The Red Paladin.
The Red Paladin:
hey you wanna see something cool
Keith Kogane:
No
The Red Paladin has named themself The Better Red.
The Red Paladin has named you Asshole Kogane.
Asshole Kogane:
Seriously?
The Better Red:
more accurate now, is all.
Asshole Kogane:
Hey fuck you.
The Better Red:
and that reminds me: uh no.
fuck YOU actually
first, you go join the blades.
which, fine, sure! we get it. it was important to you!
and we ARE all happy for you, don't get me wrong.
but you could have AT LEAST not completely ghosted us!!
Asshole Kogane:
What
The Better Red:
three months.
THREE MONTHS!!
no call, no message, no nothing. just complete radio silence.
even a stupid mission report would have been nice
Asshole Kogane:
Why would I send you mission reports?
I'm not stupid.
The Better Red:
THAT'S WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON??
Asshole Kogane:
Yes.
The Better Red:
fine.
you could have sent us mission reports SO WE KNOW THAT YOU DIDN'T PULL SOME FANCY MARMORITE MANEUVER ON A MISSION AND DIE
HOW ARE YOU SO DENSE??
Asshole Kogane:
Oh
You would've wanted that?
The Better Red:
……………YES???
see, if you weren't stupid, you would have known that
believe it or not, keith, we actually DO care for you and appreciate knowing that you're still LIVING and BREATHING
just because you're not an official paladin anymore doesn't mean that we stopped.
Asshole Kogane:
Yeah sure
I'll keep that in mind
Keith Kogane has left this conversation.
The Better Red:
did you just fucking ghost me.
again.
after i just yelled at you for doing that very thing.
i was not done with you kogane!!
…
see, this is why YOU'RE the asshole and I'M better.
………
nothing?
Keith I hate you so much.
The Red Paladin has left this conversation.
—
Keith Kogane has rejoined this conversation.
Asshole Kogane:
I can't send you mission reports, not even if they're redacted. Kolivan said no.
You know we do a lot of top secret stuff. We can't risk a breach.
Sorry.
Keth Kogane has deleted these messages.
Keith Kogane has left this conversation.
—
Keith Kogane has rejoined this conversation.
Asshole Kogane:
2 months and 17 days, actually
It hasn't been three months yet
Keith Kogane has deleted these messages.
Keith Kogane has left this conversation.
Keith Kogane → Princess Allura
Keith Kogane has rejoined this conversation.
Keith Kogane:
Hi, Princess.
I had a mission yesterday with three other Blades.
Mission objective was fulfilled and only minor injuries were sustained. No casualties.
Bye.
Keith Kogane has left this conversation.
Princess Allura of Altea → The Red Paladin
Princess Allura of Altea has rejoined this conversation.
Princess of My Dreams <3:
Lance why is Keith messaging me with mission details?
And why has your name suddenly changed to 'the red paladin'?
Lance what did you do?
Lance McClain you better answer me this second, I know you have your datapad with you.
The Red Paladin has rejoined this conversation.
The Sharpest Shooter:
how are you so sure I'M the cause of whatever this is?
Princess of My Dreams <3:
Lance.
The Sharpest Shooter:
fine fine, yes, you're right
wait already??
Princess of My Dreams <3:
What is that supposed to mean.
The Sharpest Shooter:
nonono no it's nothing bad, really.
it's just…
Princess of My Dreams <3:
'Just' what?
The Sharpest Shooter:
okay don't get mad, first of all.
Princess of My Dreams <3:
Lance.
The Sharpest Shooter:
and don't type my name like that jfc.
it scares me so bad
Princess of My Dreams <3:
Oh, I know that one.
"jesus fucking christ" right?
The Sharpest Shooter:
yeah, that's the one!
Princess of My Dreams <3:
:}
Now, elaborate.
The Sharpest Shooter:
ughh fine, I'll tell.
so, I may have temporarily lost my mind :)
Princess of My Dreams <3:
What a promising start.
The Sharpest Shooter:
you're so mean to me princess. :((
anyway!
I was losing my mind all alone, as one does on a solo mission when one is Lance McClain.
and my datapad was just lying there, all innocently. and i was bored! i was very very bored.
so i'm sitting there, bored and alone, scrolling on the datapad. i didn't have any intentions! none at all!
but since I was bored, and pidge made me wipe all the fun stuff i had from it because i had to focus on the mission or whatever, i had Nothing. To. Do.
Princess of My Dreams <3:
Poor thing.
The Sharpest Shooter:
>:(
so i had nothing to do right?
well, i started scrolling through all the old chats i had with you all. ya know, yours and mine, hunk's, pidge's.
and i reach keith's contact at the bottom.
and it's empty. because we had never talked on the datapad before.
so onbviously it was empty. blank!
but it pissed me off for some reason.
Princess of My Dreams <3:
Of course.
What did you do Lance?
The Sharpest Shooter:
nothing too damaging!
i just MIGHT have angrily texted him.
and then i panicked and threw the tablet and left it.
and by the time i calmed down and picked it up, keith had already seen it. and replied.
so we talked a little bit
Princess of My Dreams <3:
Isn't that good?
I know you've been wanting to.
The Sharpest Shooter:
well. it would be under normal circumstances
except……
honestly i mostly just yelled at him
and called him an asshole
actually I BEGAN with calling him one
so, i wouldn't say it went very well
Princess of My Dreams <3:
Oh, Lance…
Sometimes I want to body-flip you by your human ears and then give you a very big hug afterwards.
The Sharpest Shooter:
uh. thanks maybe? or should i be offended?
Allura, what?
Princess of My Dreams <3:
No, I meant that with all the love in my heart.
Ignore that, actually. It was just a silly comment.
Now tell me more. That still hasn't answered my questions.
The Sharpest Shooter:
yeah well.
while i was yelling at him i told him that if he didn't want to call or text, he could've at least sent a mission report or something
to let us know that he was fine and not dead
because it was the silliest thing i could think of
so i guess he took that very literally?
Princess of My Dreams <3:
Oh. That does seem very Keith-like.
The Sharpest Shooter:
yeah, good old keith. ha
what did he send you anway?
Princess of My Dreams <3:
Just the shortest, vaguest, most concise mission report ever.
Well, that or the universe's dryest "I am alive, do not worry" ever.
The Sharpest Shooter:
i am so glad we corrupted you into revealing your sense of humor
also this isn't nearly enough information
when i get back you ARE showing me his exact texts.
Princess of My Dreams <3:
I look forward to it, Lance.
Now go do what you are actually supposed to be doing.
I want every spot of those plains marked and labelled. Meticulously.
The Sharpest Shooter:
aye aye, princess ;D
Princess of My Dreams <3:
:)
Princess Allura of Altea has left this conversation.
The Red Paladin has left this conversation.
shalpidunk
[The Yellow Paladin + The Green Paladin + Princess Allura of Altea + The Black Paladin]
Princess Allura of Altea has rejoined this conversation.
lura:
I bring news.
The Green Paladin has rejoined this conversation.
pidgeon:
interesting…
The Yellow Paladin has rejoined this conversation:
HONK:
and so very ominous.
yes, princess, spill
lura:
Lance messaged Keith today. Or yesterday night? I don't know the exact timeline.
But, the thing is
They talked! They had a conversation!
HONK:
wait WHAT???
pidgeon:
Allura you better not be messing with us
lura:
I would not mess with you all about something like this!
pidgeon:
so this is 100 percent real?
and this happened, like, now?
lura:
Yes!!
HONK:
Oh my jesus this is the best thing ever since that space spice shop
this is huge!
pidgeon:
wow
i did not know lance had it in him
lura:
No no, you don't understand! This is not even the best part yet.
HONK:
THERE'S MORE??
pidgeon:
of course there is jfc.
lura:
So, Lance was explaining the whole situation to me.
And he tells me that
1. He initiated by calling keith an asshole.
2. He yelled at him a lot.
Why? Because he was angry that Keith did not keep us updated on his health.
pidgeon:
LMAOO HE CANT DO ANYTHING NORMALLY CAN HE
HONK:
allura you threw so much shade in that last text.
like, the shade-to-word ratio was literally 7:2
lura:
Oh I don't think I know that one.
'Shade'?
HONK:
oh it basically means to show attitude without being explicit about it
lura:
Huh.
I DO do that a lot. Especially in diplomatic meetings.
Wow. Slang!
HONK:
princess I love you so much.
pidgeon:
yeah, seconded
lura:
<3
The Black Paladin has joined this conversation.
intergalactic father:
I was asleep.
You all should have been too.
pidgeon:
scroll up and read the messages.
intergalactic father:
…
Wow.
When we get back to Earth, I am going to spend my entire war veteran savings on hair dye because they will have turned all my hair gray.
HONK:
you create such vivid visual experiences shiro
lura:
Yes, indeed.
But that is still not the best part.
;)
HONK:
HOW IS IT STILL NOT THE BEST PART??
HOW MANY MORE PARTS ARE THERE
pidgeon:
Allura i will throw my datapad.
lura:
Well, we can't have that.
pidgeon:
we really really cant.
especially because ill be the one rebuilding it
lura:
:))
Yes, so
Amongst the many things Lance told Keith, one of them was that even mission reports would be acceptable as a form of verification that he was alive.
I received a message from him today.
pidgeon:
no don't tell me
HONK:
omg was it what i think it was
lura:
It indeed was a short mission report from Keith vaguely detailing his last mission.
HONK:
wow. just………wow
pidgeon:
i do not have the words
HONK:
man, i'm speechless for once
lura:
Yes, I also did not know whether to laugh or cry.
HONK:
end my suffering.
pidgeon:
*our
HONK:
you're absolutely right pidge mb
pidgeon:
im always rigwait wht the Fuck was that??
lura:
?
What was what?
HONK:
it was a very loud banging noise
it came from down the hall i think
pidgeon:
yeah definitely somewhere near shiros room
wait wasn't he here at some point
HONK:
yeah but he disappeared
pidgeon:
it doesnt say he logged off or anything tho
HONK:
shiro???????? you good?
lura:
Did he fall over?
intergalactic father:
NO
I did NOT fall over.
HONK:
oh thank god i was starting to think someone abducted you
lura:
Don't be ridiculous, the Castleship would have alerted us if that were to happen!
pidgeon:
the castle was haunted at some point
that isnt very convincing, princess
HONK:
yeah yeah whatever
can we focus on the VERY VERY loud noise we just heard? from two rooms and a hallway away??
lura:
Yes, I am curious now.
Didn't you say it came from Shiro's side?
Shiro?
intergalactic father:
Don't worry, it was nothing.
pidgeon:
didnt sound like nothing
intergalactic father:
I just…
Tripped.
lura:
"Tripped"?
HONK:
it means his feet caught on something
didn't you just say you DIDN'T fall over
intergalactic father:
Well, I didn't fall OVER. It's nothing, don't worry about it.
lura:
I am beginning to suspect it is not nothing.
pidgeon:
yeah im with Allura on this one
quit lying shiro
intergalactic father:
It's seriously nothing. I just fell.
HONK:
……………how?
intergalactic father:
…
I read Allura's text and got a little over-excited. And fell on my face getting out of my bed.
pidgeon:
shiro.
shiro.
HONK:
i can't believe you are our black paladin sometimes.
head of voltron, everyone.
lura:
Politely, I am laughing quite loudly.
pidgeon:
okay but what does over excited even mean
you got mad didn't you
intergalactic father:
Hypothetically, if I had, it would have been justified!
Hypothetically.
HONK:
ofc ofc. never said it wouldn't be
intergalactic father:
I mean, we all reached out to Keith! We all talked to him!
pidgeon:
wouldnt call three messages talking but ok
intergalactic father:
It wasn't THREE messages.
I texted him so many times! And you know what he'd say back?
pidgeon:
oh god not again
lura:
I believe we have been over this.
intergalactic father:
"Yes Shiro" "I know Shiro" "Don't worry Shiro" "I'm fine Shiro" "Fuck off Shiro"
It was like talking to tiny teenager Keith again! Dryer than his desert shack.
But when LANCE tells him to keep us updated and keep in touch, SUDDENLY he decides to?
HONK:
yes yes no respect for the elderly these days
intergalactic father:
He wasn't even nice about it! He just YELLED at him
And I am still not the elderly.
pidgeon:
maybe maybe not
but also shiro you would be the type of grandpa to complain about kids these days
intergalactic father:
If we were at the Garrison, I would have ensured mandatory weekly compassion camps.
I don't even know why I stay in this group. It's like talking to a bunch of 14 year old Keiths.
lura:
Oh you love us :}
HONK:
yeah you're our space dad
i think you legally can't leave us unsupervised
intergalactic father:
We're in space, it's lawless.
pidgeon:
"were in space, its lawless"
where was this attitude when my head got stuck in that quintessence vial
back then it was all
"that was reckless pidge!"
intergalactic father:
It was.
pidgeon:
"dont do this again pidge!"
intergalactic father:
You better not.
pidgeon:
"there are better ways to conduct experiments pidge!"
intergalactic father:
There are.
lura:
Hypocrisy at its finest.
intergalactic father:
Why do I even try
HONK:
yeah why DO you?
intergalactic father:
Goodnight you pests. And Allura.
HONK:
that's fair
pidgeon:
yeah Allura couldnt be pest even at her worst
lura:
Good night Shiro :}
intergalactic father:
And before I forget, I'm making you all do the holo-deck tomorrow. Every level.
pidgeon:
WAIT NO THAT'S NOT FAIR
HONK:
HOW COULD YOU
intergalactic father:
AND I'm telling Coran tomorrow that you all miss his cooking.
HONK:
okay let's not get TOO hasty. we all know that's too far shiro. too far.
pidgeon:
you wouldnt dare.
intergalactic father:
I've already lost my arm, I'm prepared to lose my taste buds.
HONK:
Allura do something he's trying to kill us help
lura:
You are on your own this time.
I don't mind Coran's cooking or the holodeck.
I'll let him have this one :}
pidgeon:
space truly IS lawless, huh
intergalactic father:
See you all for training. Sleep.
The Black Paladin has left this conversation.
HONK:
i love how he says goodbye and then ACTUALLY leaves
pidgeon:
sometimes i wonder what its like to be shiro
old. responsible for roughly four teenager-ish people. old. not chronically addicted to screens
HONK:
if anything he's chronically addicted to sleep
lura:
I would be too if I were Shiro.
HONK:
you've got me there
lura:
For the record, I do think we should all head to bed now as well.
I do not think Shiro was joking about the holo-deck exercises.
pidgeon:
wait shit what if lance comes back tomorrow
what do we tell him
HONK:
"hey sorry man we pissed shiro off in the middle of the night so now you have to suffer too"
lura:
Something tells me that would not go over very well.
HONK:
wait speaking of lance
shouldn't we do something about the whole. situation??
pidgeon:
oh right i forgot we were all here for a reason
lura:
No you are right, we do need to do something.
I haven't the faintest about what, though.
pidgeon:
i fully believe you were british in all your past lives
HONK:
yes absolutely. she's british in everything but name in this one too tbh
lura:
"to be honest"?
HONK:
yeah
lura:
:}
But seriously, I think we should think this through some more.
Tomorrow, of course.
pidgeon:
noo i dont wanna sleep yet
HONK:
yeah me neither :(
lura:
Well, I need my beauty sleep. You don't wake up like this, now, do you?
HONK:
careful princess your lance is showing
pidgeon:
i still don't know how you two went from That to This
lura:
;}
Now sleep both of you.
I'll see you before training.
Princess Allura of Altea has left this conversation.
pidgeon:
she just had to rub it in one last time
HONK:
i feel so bad for future us
pidgeon:
i can already feel my mind melting
my bones shattering
HONK:
remind me to NEVER risk shiro's wrath EVER again
pidgeon:
will that stop you
HONK:
yeah probably not
pidgeon:
yep.
okay i am actually gonna log off now
Allura'll kill us if she sees this tomorrow
HONK:
you're so smart pidge
pidgeon:
i try
The Yellow Paladin has left this conversation.
The Green Paladin has left this conversation.