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The first Natasha had been stuck in that particular air duct, it was with Clint—or Barton, as she would have thought of him back then—and it had kinda sucked because the whole Budapest mission had been hell. However it had also been the seed of their friendship. Crazy the amount of things you can learn about someone when you're stuck in a confined space with them with absolutely nothing to do to pass the time but talk.
This time, Natasha was hiding there with Yelena. She didn't think it would leave the same impression in her memory. Her once fake sister was annoying.
Maybe it was the place, bringing forth old memories, but Natasha found herself sharing things about Clint. Yelena decided to interpret that in a completely wrong way. That irked Natasha who was trying to set the record straight, but of course she was wasting her breath. The other Widow didn't care.
"Come on!" Yelena insisted. "You've been describing him and his tiniest habits for an hour and you're telling me it means nothing?"
"Yes, exactly."
"You remember everything Barton does! That's love!"
"No, that's intel."
Yelena humphed, clearly not believing her.
"That's what I was—we were—taught in the Red Room. Cataloguing any piece of information because everything can be useful. I never lost the habit."
"Do you remember that amount of, intel, about everyone, then?"
Did she? No, but that didn't mean Yelena was right either.
"He's... important."
That wasn't an admission. That wasn't, but Yelena must think otherwise.
"Hm."
Yes, she clearly thought her case was made, or she would be pushing again.
Natasha sighed. "He's my friend. And, I guess, that's a form of affection. But I'm not in love with him!"
Natasha internally winced at how hollow that sounded. Yelena tilted her head to the side, scrutinising the redhead.
"Then, you're clearly deluding yourself."
Natasha would never admit it to herself. What good would it make? Clint was married and she was on the run. She didn't know when, or even if, she would see him again. Maybe it was for the best.
Changing the subject, Natasha told the other Widow: "We should go before he comes back and realises we fooled him"
They had more important and urgent matters to focus on, like escaping Dreykov's pet soldier.
*
Natasha would had rather had a jet, but the chopper would have to do.
She and Yelena were getting ready, having already doned their combat gear, and were finishing braiding each other's hair.
The familiar task brought her back to simpler times, back when she and Yelena were little girls, or when Natasha would be staying at the Bartons' farm and Lila would ask her to do her hair. It was permeated with thoughts of childhood and family.
They should have been going over the plan to free Alexei again, but instead Natasha found herself talking about the Barton kids—and her place in the Barton family.
"I've always felt like an ill-fitted piece in the jigsaw of their family."
"Because you're in love with their father?"
"He's a great dad," Natasha said in lieu of an answer. "Their mom is amazing too."
"Are you in love with her too?"
Natasha shrugged. Her bond with Laura was different from the one linking her to Clint, but it was just as profound and sincere.
It hurt that she probably would never see either of them ever again.
*
After the Raft, once he was home, an electronic tag on his ankle bounding him to the premices, Clint had a long conversation with his wife.
One of the subject was Natasha.
It was something they had been avoiding talking about for years, but the dam broke and they were finally spilling the beans: they were both in love with their redhead friend.
At least, they were united in those feelings.
Then Laura and the kids were gone and Clint spiralled. How could he be close to Natasha without feeling like he was emotionally cheating on Laura?
Then Natasha was there, giving him hope again.
Then Vormir.
Vormir was his worst nightmare all over again. Losing the woman he loved again. He felt like it was his soul he had to surrender for the stone.
He could not just leave Natasha there. He trekked back up to the mountain. Climbed down the cliff, almost falling and breaking his neck several times. Kneeled by Natasha's body.
Her eyes were still open. He reached to close them, but as soon as his fingers made contact with the fragile skin of her eyelids, she took a breath.
Startled, he froze.
"Natasha?"
She didn't answered. Merely looked at him absently. It was like she didn't recognise him.
*
He brought her home.
No one knew what was wrong with her. No one knew how she could still be alive either.
It was only after the last battle, after the dead had came back to help them fight Thanos again, after the dust had settled, that they had the beginning of an answer.
Doctor Strange, both sorcerer and MD by profession it seemed, was just as puzzled but offered a theory. Natasha was soulless. She also had retrograde amnesia. How the two were linked, it was anyone's guess.
Physically, she was fine, so Clint brought her with him when he went back home. She looked at his family with curiosity but with no recollection lighting her eyes.
Then he met Yelena.
There had been no time before Vormir for Natasha to announce him she had found her sister and after Vormir she didn't even remember she had one. So it was a surprise to realised the Widow trying to kill him had been the little girl Natasha had told him about years ago.
For Christmas, he brought Kate and Yelena home.
*
Despite being there to see her sister, Yelena seemed to be avoiding Natasha. Clint could understand. It was a painful thing to see a loved one that couldn't even recognise you.
Yelena gravitated around Kate a lot. The two girls seemed to go along like a house on fire.
When she wasn't busy teasing the young archer, the Widow would find either Clint or Laura and ask them about Natasha. He was always happy to oblige, so was his wife. They had so much to share.
"It's good to see she's loved," Yelena told them wistfully.
"She's part of the family. Which means so are you now."
"You don't even know me."
"But we do," Laura corrected her. "Natasha told us so much about you as a kid."
The redhead, upon hearing her name, perked up.
"Yeah," Clint added, "like we know stuff like you favorite food, or—"
Kate interrupted him: "I bet it's mac—"
"Mac'n'cheese."
Natasha's quiet declaration was followed by a stunned silence.
It was Yelena who broke it, with tears in her eyes.
"You remember?"
"I, yeah. I think. Mac'n'cheese. And your favorite veggies are green beans."
"Yeah, that's right."
It was the first thing Natasha had remembered since Vormir. Clint hoped it wouldn't be the last.
For the first time he had hope she could be herself again.