Chapter Text
Seokjin stirs awake to a delicate hand gently tapping his shoulder. He’s always been the lightest sleeper in the group – most times he’d wake just from a member opening his door.
“Hyungs, not that this isn’t really cute and all, ‘cause it really is, you two look so cozy. But we’ve gotta be out of here in 45 minutes, and it’s already past noon. You should both eat something and wash up before we have to head out.” Jimin murmurs all of this from behind the couch Seokjin has apparently occupied for over 12 hours.
Seokjin’s neck feels stiff, and he’s sure Namjoon’s arm has fallen asleep where it’s still wrapped around him. They look away from Jimin at the same time only to catch each others’ eyes. Namjoon’s currently wearing Seokjin’s favorite version of his face: sleepy, mussed hair, the beginnings of a smile, and those intense eyes, slightly unfocused from sleep, just inches from his own.
Properly awake this time, the prolonged eye contact jolts something in Seokjin and he sits up abruptly. Namjoon’s arms dislodge from around his back only to land somewhere loosely wrapped around his waist. Seokjin refuses to make this weird. “What happened, Joon-ah? Last thing I remember is falling asleep on the couch alone…”
“Yeah, sorry hyung–” Namjoon pauses to yawn. His voice is deep and rough with sleep and Seokjin feels like he’s going to implode for a second. “You were shivering in your sleep when I left the studio. I meant to go grab you a blanket, but I was so sleepy, I thought I’d fall asleep the second I went upstairs. And,” his eyes narrow into happy crescent moons as he grins lazily, “Hyung just looked so cozy. Figured the couch must be really comfy so why not share?”
Seokjin lets out an incredulous laugh, “And how did you end up wrapped around me, might I ask?”
“You were shivering, hyung! I cuddled you out of the kindness of my heart! You could say thank you, you know. You clearly slept great. What’s the problem?” Namjoon tightens his arms around Seokjin’s waist as he speaks, still lying down, burying his face into the couch cushions. Seokjin gets the sense that he’s somewhat shy about this, so he stops pushing, despite how badly he wants to.
“There’s no problem, Namjoonie. Thank you for doing your hyung the honor of being his human blanket. Ten out of ten stars, best cuddle buddy hyung’s ever had.”
“Shut up, hyung,” Namjoon sulks into the cushions, ears turning red, “It’s fine. Obviously, I slept really great too.” He then turns his head further into the cushion and mumbles something Seokjin doesn’t quite catch. “Hmm? Say that again, Namjoon-ah?”
He meets Seokjin’s eyes then, red flush spreading from his ears down his neck. “It was nice, to fall asleep holding… um, someone. Don’t get to do that very often.” Seokjin can feel his own face heat up, and he tries to think of how he’d normally respond to one of his dongsaengs saying something like that, if he hadn’t had certain realizations recently. He lands on his usual response to being flustered by a member: deflection, and deliberate, obnoxious overconfidence.
“Of course, Namjoonie. Who wouldn’t kill to fall asleep with the World Wide Handsome in their arms? Maybe you should be thanking me, instead.” He tosses his head haughtily, not catching the fond way Namjoon is watching him bluster through this performance. He shouldn’t have taken his eyes off of him, though, because in the next second, Namjoon is sitting up too.
Arms still wrapped around Seokjin’s waist, he pulls him in so he can speak lowly into his ear: “You’re right, hyung. I’m so lucky. Thank you for letting me hold you.” There’s barely a hint of humor in his words, the earnest way he speaks them makes Seokjin’s stomach flutter. There’s no way Namjoon doesn’t catch the redness exploding across Seokjin’s face, neck, his whole body, and all Seokjin can do in response is giggle lightheadedly, letting Namjoon pull him in for a lazy hug.
“Okay, come on, Joon-ah. Hyung’s making you breakfast, and then we’re both going to get ready for the day, let’s go,” he moves to escape Namjoon’s embrace, but Namjoon doesn’t release him just yet, pulling him in tighter and burying his face in Seokjin’s shoulder. “Mmm, give me a minute, hyung. So cozy, you smell so good. Like sunshine.”
Seokjin almost never gets to see this soft, sleepy, and rarely cuddly version of Namjoon. He smiles indulgently and relaxes into his embrace, “One more minute, then, Namjoonie. But then we’re getting up.”
“Mm-hmm, thank you. Best hyung.” Seokjin laughs, “So sappy this morning, Joon-ah. I should let you cuddle me to sleep more often!” He’s joking. Really. He’s really just joking!
A deep chuckle resonates against his shoulder and makes him shiver. “Hyung, if you want me to hold you again, all you have to do is ask. You’re so cute, pretending you didn’t like it.” How many times can Seokjin turn bright red without passing out from his blood rushing around like that? It seems like Namjoon’s trying to find that limit.
“Oh ho ho, what’s this then?” A new voice enters the room. Yoongi’s dressed already, peeling off and licking a yogurt lid as he walks in. “Sooo cute,” he simpers sardonically as he walks by the couch to claim one of the nearby armchairs.
Namjoon and Seokjin both pull far enough away from each other to exchange glances. Yoongi’s not usually quite this biting unless something’s wrong. The other members have a silent agreement of sorts, to let Seokjin handle Yoongi when he’s like this, as Yoongi’s only hyung in the group.
“Good morning to you too, Yoongi-yah. We were just getting up. Who pissed in your yogurt?” Seokjin says, not wanting to let the tension seep into the rest of their day. Let Yoongi say what he wants to say now.
Yoongi startles, like he’s only now realizing that he was a bit sharp just then. He sighs and his shoulders relax. “Nobody. Sorry. You guys actually did look cute.” He turns his head to the side and mumbles something that neither of them catch. Seokjin’s surprised to get an apology out of him so quickly and painlessly, but maybe he shouldn’t be. He’s picking up on the signs of Yoongi sulking, feeling left out.
He untangles himself from Namjoon gently, sharing a soft smile with him as he pads over to Yoongi. “Aww, did my Yoongichi want a cuddle from his hyung, too? All you had to do was ask, Yoongi-yah!” He pulls the yogurt from Yoongi’s hands to deposit it safely on the coffee table, yanks him up off the armchair, and wraps his arms around him, holding his breath and hoping that he won’t be shoved away, that he’s read this right.
Yoongi sighs again and melts into his embrace, wrapping his own arms around Seokjin’s waist. “Yeah, hyung. Just needed a hug.” Namjoon, hearing all of this, fights the urge to pinch Yoongi’s cheeks and coo at him, knowing that would be asking for trouble; but feels an enormous amount of ‘cuteness aggression’ towards his smaller hyung. He settles for angling for his own hug instead. “What about me, Yoongi hyung? Want to hug me, too?” He watches Yoongi roll his eyes and bury his widening smile in Seokjin’s shoulder before mumbling “Yeah, okay. Get over here, Joon-ah.”
Namjoon bounds up like a golden retriever, suddenly wide awake. He wraps Seokjin in an embrace from behind, stretching his arms around Yoongi too, so they’re making a hyung sandwich. Seokjin laughs and wriggles like he’s trying to get away, but both Namjoon and Yoongi can tell he’s making no real effort. They sway from side to side as the embrace lingers, until Seokjin says, “Okay, thrilled that the rap line is getting in touch with their emotions this morning, and I’m truly always available for a snuggle, but we should probably go get ready now, Joon-ah.”
Namjoon sighs and unwinds his arms from around his hyungs. “Yes, hyung. You go ahead, I’ll meet you in the kitchen.” Seokjin smiles and pats both Yoongi’s and Namjoon’s cheeks before making his way into the kitchen. Yoongi moves to sit back down, but Namjoon catches him first, winding his arms around Yoongi’s waist tightly and waiting, unmoving, until Yoongi returns his embrace. “Are you okay, hyung?” He asks quietly, not wanting to push him to speak, just making sure he makes space to listen.
Yoongi is quiet for a second, breath fanning over Namjoon’s neck. “I’m okay, Joon-ah. Nothing to worry about. Did you get enough sleep?” Namjoon nods. “We slept well, don’t worry, hyung. I’m here if you need to talk, you know that, right?”
Yoongi pulls back and smiles fondly at him. “Yes, I know that, thank you, leader-nim. I will come find you when the time is right.” Namjoon grins and pats Yoongi’s waist before leaving the room.
---
Once the album drops, Bangtan are obviously even busier than before. They spend their days in hair/makeup, giving interviews, filming various promo materials, recording performances, while still practicing for tour on top of all of that.
This is one of those particularly hectic days. The comeback live show was less than 12 hours ago, and already the group are on a long-haul flight to New York for promotional appearances. Most of them pass out the second they’re seated, but Seokjin is starving, and he pesters Yoongi, seated next to him, into passing the time together until the first meal service comes around.
They settle on watching back the Apple Music interview about the new album, with Zane Lowe. They’ve always appreciated the nuance and preparation that goes into these interviews, and watching it back will let them catch anything they might have missed while actually in the room (eight people is kind of a large group for one conversation, and though they’ve improved immensely, neither Seokjin nor Yoongi are as fluent in English as they’d like to be yet). It’s an early morning flight, so they settle in their seats with hot cups of coffee (decaf for Yoongi, of course) warming their hands as they watch the interview attentively.
Zane asks a question that is often on the hyungs’ minds. “RM, you’re now in a situation where you’ve grown so much as people, as a band. What was that perspective like for you, when everyone came back together and you could sort of take a look and go, okay, ‘these guys I’ve known since we were kids and some cases, teenagers’ you know, how does your role as a leader kind of evolve, now everyone’s growing up and become, you know, men?”
They both watch in absolute silence so they can finally fully absorb Namjoon’s response. “Um, yeah, that’s the, um, trickiest point. I don’t know, man, sometimes, I put, like, too much weight on myself, like ‘oh, you’re the leader, so you have to do something, like get your ass off the sofa and say something to the label, or to, like, people…’
“...but like you said, we’re all kind of grown up, we’re all like 30s right now, and we all got back from the very unique experience (military service) but I think, like, through the process, from the LA session, it’s been almost like 7-8 months… and I think there’s still something that I can do for this team. Like, maybe just to communicate with the label, or to represent or say some words… that could bring the whole team to a better level.”
Zane comments on how their roles will become more comfortable and familiar the longer they’re together. Yoongi and Seokjin watch, enraptured, as their leader speaks: “We’ve been together for like, half of our lives. Like fifteen years? That’s a long time. That’s like a family. So, you know, as we see each other’s eyes, we just understand. We just get it. Like, oh, you’ve been through your hard times, bro, then, I’ll do some more, I’ll take care of you. Like, we could just do that, without any, like, words or something. So, they support me, and I just, I could do my roles. But, it’s always tricky. I put, sometimes, so much weight on myself as a leader. But at the same time, I feel like I'm just one of the members. I’m just part of the team. I’m just one of the seven. So I just- sometimes, you just gotta let it go. Just go with the flow and just be part of the team.”
Namjoon cuts himself off and chuckles “So, I’m still figuring out what is a ‘good leader.’”
Seokjin’s and Yoongi’s gazes meet, shining with unshed tears. Namjoon’s love for the members so often goes unacknowledged, simply because he may not be as effusive or outwardly affectionate as other members. But his devotion to the group is unquestionable, even after all of these years, and Bangtan’s hyungs almost can’t handle being confronted with his undeniable loyalty to their family.
Both men watch the rest of the interview in silence, coffee turning stale and cold in their hands. Zane approaches the end of his questions, “You have an opportunity now, probably the first of your generation, to mature this experience, and to start to build a legacy…”
Namjoon cuts in, “It’s still a big challenge, and I’m also really afraid of a new chapter, because we have to show different things - you know, to convince the fans, and the people out there - we wanna reach, maybe, different types of people, as well… since we love each other so much, we’re just here, still. And, the fans are there. So, what is the reason that we have, to stop? This precious brand, and thing, and family. Because, you know, for the rest of my life, I can’t ever meet people like this. Because, I’m like 33 - I was 15, when I first met them. But now, I’m like 33 - maybe, but you know, it was like, my teenage, and you know, they are, really, symbolizing my youth, as well.”
“So, I don’t want to miss this chance, and I don’t want to regret, like years later, ‘man, we had to do it again! We shouldn’t have stopped this journey!’ We didn’t want to do that thing-” Namjoon giggles, “like Interstellar, you know.”
Yoongi and Seokjin exchange fond eyerolls at this. Both men have been subjected to Namjoon’s late night, drunken lamentations about preventing BTS from becoming the Interstellar crew, as though any astronaut has ever been so far up another astronaut’s ass, as Bangtan happen to be up each others’.
They watch, as Hobi explains that the group hadn’t needed to have a conversation about reuniting. That being together was a foregone conclusion for them. They each hide their smiles, as Hobi’s surety prompts Zane to ask,“Can this be forever?”
Seokjin almost cringes inwardly, watching back his response. “Nothing lasts forever,” he was quick to answer, “but we have to make an effort, so that the good times can last.” He didn’t say anything untrue, so why does he feel a pit in his stomach, waiting for Yoongi’s reaction? He had spoken in Korean, so he knows Yoongi had absorbed his answer in real time. Why does it feel higher stakes, now?
He watches quietly, as onscreen Yoongi says, with all the calm in the world, “I think we can make it happen, even when we’re 80 or 90.”
Seokjin may have been too caught up in the moment, to catch that response from Yoongi in real time. But hearing it now, he whips his head around to stare at his stoic, sleepy bandmate. Yoongi is silent as the interview ends, chugging half of his lukewarm coffee before setting the cup down, pointedly avoiding Jin’s gaze.
Knowing perfectly well that Yoongi will most likely ignore his question, Seokjin quietly asks anyway, “Did you mean that, Yoongi-yah? You’d keep going until you’re 90?” He purposely avoids asking about the rest of the group. Currently, he’s interested in confirming that Yoongi, personally, wants Bangtan around for the long (long) haul.
Yoongi rolls his eyes and scoffs under his breath, avoiding Seokjin’s eyes at all costs. Jin is fine assuming he won’t get an answer, until he hears a soft, yet firm, “I’ve never been a flight risk, hyung. I’m in this until the end. I’d prefer for that to happen after I’m gone, but you can count on me as long as I’m around.”
Okay, now Seokjin is choking up. A tear rolls down his cheek, and he has to muffle a sob into his palm. He’s usually an expert at controlling and masking emotional reactions, so that should tell you how much Yoongi’s words have rattled him. Yoongi, to his credit, is appropriately alarmed by Seokjin’s ‘more dramatic than usual’ reaction, and reaches up to wipe Seokjin’s tears before he can stop himself.
“Hyung… seriously? You know me so well, yet this comes as a shock to you?” He chuckles humorlessly. “I didn’t think I could be more obvious, honestly, hyung. But for the record: if the law didn’t mandate it, I’d never have wanted to be apart from you, or the others. The pressures that come with being Bangtan… I could take or leave. But this group… hyung, the group is my life.” He tears his gaze from Seokjin’s while simultaneously reaching for his hand, the movements so entirely Yoongi in their essence that Seokjin feels wrecked.
He heaves another anxious sob as he clutches at Yoongi’s skinny, long fingers. Yoongi glances around them, making sure that they aren’t being watched, before putting his arms around Jin’s shoulders and tugging him in for a brief, but firm embrace. He murmurs into Seokjin’s ear, “Hyung, please stop crying, or I might do something crazy.”
Seokjin startles at this and pulls back to stare at him, shocked out of his teary daze. What could Yoongi possibly mean by ‘something crazy?’ Surely not… the same kind of crazy that has been plaguing Seokjin’s every waking thought around every single member lately?
“We’re in public right now, please let’s wait until we’re somewhere more private to finish this conversation,” Yoongi implores, rubbing one of Seokjin’s shoulders comfortingly. Seokjin nods and hastily wipes at his eyes, breathing deeply as he tries not to spiral right there and then.
The flight attendant appears over Yoongi’s shoulder right at that moment to inquire whether they’d prefer the veal tenderloin or the Chilean seabass for their first in-flight meal. They make their selections, and then Yoongi ducks under the flight attendant’s arm to nudge the others awake so they can eat. New York (and a terrifying? exhilarating? conversation with Yoongi) awaits Seokjin, but the Chilean seabass can be his distraction for now.