Chapter Text
Gustave… was not okay.
Honestly, none of them were. The hope and joy of just a few hours ago felt like an eon. They had won. The numbers that haunted them since birth had vanished. The monster at the end of their world had been vanquished. They had come home. They had done what no Expedition before had ever hoped to achieve.
And it had cost them everything.
Their friends. Their families.
Their ignorance.
Their peace.
A Canvas. Everything they had ever known, their entire existence, was nothing more than paint on fabric. Created by the Paintress in an effort to build a world where Verso, her son – the painted rendition of her dead son – could live the life that had been cut tragically short in her world. The Curator was her husband, desperate to pull her out of the fantasy she had lost herself in, erasing her creations in an act of love to force her out before she killed herself.
Gustave hated himself for feeling pity.
Maelle – or Alicia? – was their daughter: wounded and scarred by the fire that took her brother and spurned by her family for her hand, accidental though it was, in his death. She was so… different now. Still youthful, still wilful, but now tempered with a maturity that changed the way she handled herself. More confident than he had ever seen her, but still his Maelle at her core. She seemed sure that she could reverse the damage her father had done, but they needed to expel him from the Canvas before he regained enough strength to truly erase it. She had only been able to bring them back because of how well she knew them. Verso, she had said, had guided her into doing it.
Verso, who had hidden so, so much from them.
Verso, who had allowed them to believe they had won.
Verso, who had let them all be erased.
Lune was furious. Snarling and shoving at him, demanding how he could have stood there and lied to their faces for so long. Sat with them, smiled with them, laughed with them and then marched them to their deaths without a second thought. Gustave knew that whatever bond they had been forging would never be as strong as it could have been. She might forgive, but she would never forget.
Sciel was understanding. Gustave had spotted them standing at the cliffside together, talking in low voices. Sciel said something that made Verso wince, but there was also an air of relief to him. She was never one to hold grudges and Gustave knew she had a soft spot for Verso, both bonding over their dark and personal stories. She patted his arm over his armband, gave him a soft smile that he couldn’t quite return, but he at least didn’t look as haunted as before and then returned to the campfire, giving him a solemn look as she passed.
Verso had yet to approach him, and Gustave couldn’t bring himself to mind yet.
Verso had lied to him. Had allowed him to hope and trust in a future, knowing that there never was going to be one. Had saved his life, only to sacrifice him and everyone he knew for his own goals.
Gustave should hate him.
He almost wished he could.
If only Verso hadn’t looked so fucking devastated.
It would’ve been easier if Verso had been a villain. If he had plotted this whole thing to erase them for some evil plan or desire for vengeance, or anything that Gustave could let loose his anger on.
But for love?
For family?
There was nothing in Gustave that could ever fault him for that. Not when he himself had been ready to throw their mission away to save Maelle. Not when he couldn’t confidently say that he would not have made the same decision to save his loved ones, had their situations been reversed. He had already forgiven him for that.
What he hadn’t forgiven were the lies.
Gustave had thought there had been something building between them. That Verso had started to let his guard down with him, had trusted him enough to shed some of his masks, to share his burdens. He had let Gustave hold out for an ‘after’, knowing they would never have one. He had played with his heart, letting him believe there was a chance for a them, something Gustave had given up on 4 years ago when he and Sophie had gone their separate ways. He had given him hope.
He could never forgive that. He should hate him.
Except…
Something had shattered in Verso.
From the beginning, Gustave had been enamoured with everything about him. His skill in battle. His easy confidence. His dry wit. His care for Maelle that he gradually extended to the everyone else. His hints of vanity. His stubborn nature. His melancholia. His mischievous grin. His bright, quicksilver eyes. And his soft, barely-there smiles.
Everything about him seemed so larger than life. So vibrant.
All the colour in him had been sapped away.
Every time he looked at Verso now, his head was bowed, arms crossed over his chest, making himself smaller like if he curled up into himself enough, he’d fade into the background. Like they’d forget he existed.
It was viscerally wrong. Verso should never look small.
This was the man that had stood before Gustave’s demon and shaken off his death blows. The man who stood tall in a river of blood against a Nevron that had killed hundreds of Expeditioners and rallied them to victory. The man who ignored Serene’s siren call and made She who Paints with Wonders recoil from the strength of his glare. Who played piano for Maelle to make her smile. Who talked about music with Lune. Who exchanged stories with Sciel. Who saw something special in Gustave that he couldn’t see himself.
And damn Gustave’s weak heart, he could not bear to see him brought so low.
But he would not risk his heart this time. No, if there had ever been any truth to what they had only started to grow… Verso would have to be the one to take the first step this time.
They continued to roam the Continent to find Chroma for Maelle to gather, Verso leading them to the most concentrated spots. Slowly, he started to integrate himself in with the others again, Sciel and Maelle making the greatest efforts. Lune seemed content to ignore him for the most part, her anger and betrayal cooling to neutrality, though Gustave could see her eyeing him out of the corner of her eye on occasion, healing him when needed without a word. Verso did not draw any attention to it, just nodding in thanks, which she acknowledged with a small tilt of her head in return. All of their relationships appeared to be on the mend.
Except Gustave. He supposed he knew where he stood now.
They maintained a professional distance. Their combat did not suffer. Verso still marked his targets and Gustave continued to knock them down. Gustave continued to break through enemy defences and Verso followed through with devastating combos. Everything was fine.
Except there were no more late-night talks. No more sitting next to each other for dinner. No more jokes as they travelled. No more light flirtations hinting at something more. Just… cool neutrality.
It worked.
For a while.
They made a detour to Fallen Leaves, Verso claiming there was a Nevron there that had some powerful Chroma they could use. That was the only good thing about the entire thing. Gustave had learned very quickly that his lightning attacks were practically useless and they were force to use a multitude of fire attacks that put Verso on edge. Granted, Gustave could now understand his discomfort of fire considering his other self had apparently burned to death and it had scarred his sister, but it did throw their rhythm off enough to have them all taking more hits than they normally would. They ran into the faceless boy again, who asked them to find out why ‘she’ killed them all. Further exploration led them to a massive lady of sap, who was annoyingly cryptic, making it sound like she was doing it for the boy himself, as well as for herself.
It made Gustave furious, fists clenching as they passed corpse after corpse of previous Expeditioners, the bridge leading to Chromatic Ballet making even Lune tear up and Sciel look away. Verso remained stone faced as ever and Gustave had the wild thought of whether he bled ice if he was cut. It was not a fair thought, he knew Verso mourned many, but he was not feeling very charitable at the moment.
The anger simmered even more as they delivered the message to the boy, who sounded heartbroken, protesting that he had never wanted this, for people to be hurt, to be killed. Verso’s eyes were filled with such terrible understanding as the boy fell silent and Gustave felt more pieces of the puzzle start to come together. The boy asked them to stop ‘her’ creations and Gustave was agreeing before Verso even had a chance to say more.
The Nevron they encountered was one of the most difficult they had ever encountered. Sciel’s Dark power seemed to just make it stronger, which Lune’s elemental attacks were shrugged off with ease. This left Gustave, Maelle and Verso, though the creature seemed weakest to Verso’s Light damage and they adapted the plan with the ease of a team having fought for weeks together.
Gustave and Maelle served as Verso’s guard, distracting, defending and counter attacking, Gustave shooting each mask as it appeared with deadly accuracy, while buying him time to unleash the full plethora of his attacks. Lune healed them as she went, focusing most of her attention on the two mortals in the front line of fire as Sciel channelled her magic into making Verso faster and stronger. Monoco swapped his foot choice for something far larger and stronger, providing Verso with more areas to jump off and letting him build momentum until he was a blur between attacks, slicing and slashing over and over and over again until the Nevron’s blood was staining the cobblestone around them and it was starting to weaken.
And then the sky darkened and the Nevron vanished.
“Merde!” Gustave heard from somewhere in the darkness, gun still at the ready for any sneak attacks, even as his other hand reached out for Maelle’s shoulder, keeping her close even as she whipped around with her rapier. He strained his ears, listening for any hint of a growl, but there was far too much noise to filter. Until it was too late.
Gustave felt the Chrome being pulled behind him and shoved Maelle aside instinctively, whipping around to try to bring his sword up to block blindly. He felt the air move around himself and braced, hoping it would be quick, if nothing else.
A gust of air. A meaty thud. A dull crack. A cry of pain. Metal skittering across cobblestone.
The dark fog blew back from the force of the blow and Gustave blinked his eyes open. His blood curdled, ice shooting through his veins.
Verso stood before him, armed with only his dagger, his right arm dangling limply at his side, lower than it should be. He parried the Nevron’s next blow and the one after that, but the fourth swipe caught him right in the side, knocking him aside hard enough to send him hurtling towards the side of the platform. For a gut wrenchingly horrible second, Gustave thought he would go right over the edge, but his body connected with the stone with one of the shattered stone columns with a sickening thud and he crumpled to the base of it, unmoving.
Gustave was barely aware of Maelle’s furious cry and Gustave’s bellow. His eyes were fixed on the way Verso’s body bounced off the broken rocks to land on the ground like a discarded doll. And then the red haze overtook him.
It didn’t matter that the Nevron was resistant to their attacks, or that it had a tendency to vanish. They fought like it was their last stand and chipped at it’s defences bit by bit until Gustave, arm glowing a bright red with the energy he was generating with each successive attack, jumped onto Monoco’s axe and was flung into the Nevron’s face, where he unloaded the full force of his Overcharge, burning the Nevron to ash and sending it blowing away with the wind.
He barely let his feet touch the ground before he was running for Verso. Lune made it there before him, but Verso was already waving her off, pushing himself upright with a barely concealed wince.
“I’m fine,” he croaked, though the pallidness of his skin made that a hard sell, “Really, I’m already healing, don’t waste your energy on this-”
“I’ll waste it on whatever I want,” Lune said, tight-lipped, but her eyes were bright with worry. “Your arm-”
“Almost healed,” Verso lifted said arm, waving his hand at her. “I heal fast, really, I’m fine. You should start heading back, it’s going to get dark soon.”
“We should? What about you?” Maelle said, eyes bright with worry, “Surely you don’t plan to stay here!”
“Hey, I haven’t been up here in forever,” Verso said with a grin that would’ve seemed almost genuine if he were so obviously still in pain. But Maelle and Lune were reluctantly allowing themselves to be shooed away, so maybe it was just obvious to him. “I’m fine, really. I just need a few minutes to catch my breath and then I’ll be right behind you.”
“Verso…” Lune did not sound happy about the decision, but Verso had a stubborn set to his jaw and Gustave intervened before things truly got heated.
“We’re all exhausted,” he said gently, touching Lune’s shoulder, “Why don’t you guys head back to camp and get set up? I’ll accompany Verso.”
He felt Verso’s eyes digging into the side of his head, but ignored him, focusing on Lune who looked back at him with concern and a hint of scepticism.
“Are you sure?” she asked, voice gentle.
No, Gustave’s mind screamed, but he nodded. “We’re camped pretty close by and we’ve cleared the Nevrons already. I’m sure we’ll back before dark.”
Lune still didn’t look convinced but Sciel put a gentle hand on her wrist and she allowed herself to be lead away, along with Maelle, who was still throwing concerned glances at them both. Sciel made eye contact with him and he thought he saw a glint of something almost like approval and a hint of encouragement before she led the other two away. Monoco stayed a while longer, looking at Verso, then back at Gustave, then back at Verso, both of the communicating silently until he grunted and went to follow them. Judging by the almost-pout on Verso’s face, that was the opposite of what he had wanted.
Then it was just the two of them.
Normally, this would be the time that one of them would crack a joke, or they would rekindle a conversation that had been cut short before. Normally, Gustave would be fussing over him, or vice versa, which would then turn into friendly jabs and conversation.
Now, it was just silence, awkward and uncomfortable. Both of them didn’t seem to know how to break it. Until Verso did.
“You can go join them,” he said, voice low, hesitant. “I’ll be fine, it’s nothing-”
“If it was nothing, you’d be on your feet already,” Gustave said, crossing his arms, “And I think you’ve lied to me enough.”
He internally winced at the sharpness of his tone, especially when Verso flinched and looked away. That only made the fury in him build: how dare he look so hurt after what he’d done? He should reign himself in. This was not the time or the place to get into a fight, especially not when Verso was so vulnerable-
But maybe this was the only time he would get the truth. And Gustave was done being understanding.
“So how much?”
Verso frowned, eyeing him warily, “How much what?”
Gustave smiled mirthlessly, “How much of it all was a lie?”
Verso’s jaw twitched, lips pressing together even as he looked away from him, “Gustave-”
“Cut the bullshit for once, Verso,” he bit out, metal fingers threatening to bruise his own arm from hard his fists wanted to clench, “Was that your intention right from the beginning? Save me to make me feel indebted to my saviour? String me along, charm me into going along with your little plan-”
“It wasn’t like that-”
“-talk to me about futures and conversations that you knew we would never have-”
“I didn’t-”
“Stop lying to me!” Verso snapped his mouth shut and glared at him, but Gustave was beyond caring now. “You stood in front of me and promised me a future, Verso. You- you let me plan for it, let me imagine that we would share one and the entire time you knew that it never going to pass!”
“Gustave-”
“I watched my apprentices vanish, Verso,” Gustave gritted out, eyes burning with fury and, beneath all of it, pain, “I watched my sister vanish in front of me: my friends, everyone. And this entire time, you knew it would happen and all you had to say to me was ‘it’s okay’? In what world was any of that okay?”
Verso didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look at him, eyes fixed on the floor. He was gripping the stone he was sitting on so tightly his knuckles were white. Gustave wanted to shatter him.
“All this time,” Gustave breathed out, “you let us think we wanted the same things, but none of that was true, was it? We were always just a means to an end for you.”
Verso’s head shot up, silver eyes blazing. It was the most fire Gustave had seen from him in weeks, not since the Axons, and it almost made him take a step back. He stood firm though, meeting his gaze with the fire of his own. He would not back down, not here.
“Yes,” Verso hissed, anger lacing his tone, “That’s exactly what you were, what all of you were. You were never anything special, Gustave.”
The words stung, but Gustave refused to flinch. He faced it head on. “So that’s what the truth sounds like from your lips. I’m surprised, I thought you’d burst into flames.”
Verso’s glare was venomous. “Well, there you have it. I don’t give a fuck about any of the people in this Canvas, or about this world. All I want is for this hell to end and I will use anything and anyone to do it. You, Lune, Sciel, all of you were nothing but pawns for me, and if you knew what was good for you, you’d go back to your friends and leave me alone.”
The words rang in the silence between them, lingering like a phantom in space were they had previously been none. Neither of them reached out to bridge it.
“I thought we were lucky to have found you,” Gustave murmured, watching Verso flinch and turn away. “Un ange. An angel, that was the first thing I thought when I saw you.”
“You were half dead and hallucinating,” Verso said dismissively, but there was a tremor to his voice.
“And every moment I spent getting to know you… what I thought was you,” Gustave swallowed, “the more I thought I was right.”
“Well, you weren’t.” Cold. Dismissive. “This is the reality of who I am, Gustave. I am a lying, deceitful, self-serving bastard, not… whatever you thought I was before.”
“What do you think I thought before?”
“All that… other stuff,” he waved his hand dismissively. “It doesn’t matter, none of it was real.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Believe it.” His eyes glittered in the dark, dull and so, so cold. “I wanted everyone to die. I wanted everything to end so that I could rest in peace. You were all just a means to an end for me.”
The words stung, but they were meant to. But Gustave had lived through losing his arm, remembered waking up to the searing pain at his side and that overwhelming sense of loss that he never got over, not even after getting his prosthetic. He had lived through a bloodbath that slaughtered some of his closest friends and woken up in the dried pool of their blood. He had lived through watching his sister disappear in petals, along with his apprentices and friends as a man he had grown to care deeply about held his hands and watched him fade away.
Gustave was afraid of pain, but not enough to deter him from his goal.
“I cannot believe,” he said, “what a shit liar you are.”
Verso blinked, some of the ice falling from his countenance from sheer surprise. “What-”
“Did you practise that little villain’s monologue?” Gustave crossed his arms, “Because it didn’t seem like it. What a load of Nevron shit.”
“I don’t-”
“It would’ve been easier to believe that if every action you’ve taken since I’ve known you didn’t completely contradict it” Gustave scoffed. “‘Means to an end?’ Oh definitely, Verso, that’s why you cut yourself in half to make us laugh -still an incredibly fucked up thing to do, by the way- or why you make sure to spend time with all of us every night we camp. Was the point of that little exercise to make it even harder on yourself?”
Verso scowled, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I think I’m the only one here who does,” Gustave retorted. “For someone who saw us all as ‘means to an end,’ you got awfully attached, didn’t you? All those late night stories with Sciel? The history exchanges with Lune? Playing piano with Maelle? You expect me to believe all of that was you just, what? Ingratiating yourself to us?”
“So what if it was?” Verso scoffed. “I just needed you to keep me close until the Monolith-”
“Which could have been done without any effort on your part,” Gustave interrupted, smirking the increasingly disgruntled expression on Verso’s face. “You could’ve just taken point, you didn’t have to talk to us or get to know us, or make our problems your problems, but you did. You didn’t have to take me to your favourite spot to watch the city, but you did. You cared, Verso, you still do. Nothing you say or do is going to convince me you don’t.”
“Is that it? A couple cheesy moments and conversation, and you think you know me?” Verso spat.
“I know that you’re scared,” Gustave grit out, “And you’re being an asshole on purpose to drive me away so that you can wallow in self-pity. If you would just-”
“I was going to let Renoir kill you.”
Gustave froze.
His heart skipped a beat, feeling like it had stopped for a moment. He clenched his fist to bring it up to thump at his chest like he normally did, but none of his muscles moved. His entire body would not response. Numbness spread through him.
“I was watching the entire time,” Verso said, eyes bright, verbally advancing on him like a wolf upon wounded prey. “I watched Renoir attack you. I watched him trap Maelle. I watched him toy with you, pretending like any of your blows meant anything more to him than a particularly irritating gust of wind. I was going to just stand there and watch him murder you,” Verso hissed, “because you were a threat to my goal. I was going to let Maelle see her brother -her father- die so that she would have no reason to stay in the Canvas. I was going to let you die, Gustave. Because you would jeopardize my mission.”
Every word felt like a bullet, punching holes in his heart that felt like they’d never heal. Verso’s expression was a mixture of triumph and loathing, an expression Gustave had never seen on him before. The swell of anger rose up in him again, even stronger than before. The thought of Maelle being forced to watch him die, that Verso almost allowed it to happen-
Gustave hated him in that moment.
He wanted to punch him. Wanted to wound him. See, for one sick, terrible moment, just how much pain an immortal could endure before he begged for death-
But his mind had snagged onto another detail.
“So why didn’t you?”
Verso blinked. The question appeared to have stunned him. His mouth opened and closed a couple times. “What?”
“You said you ‘were going to’,” Gustave repeated, heart pounding in his ears, practically trembling from a mix of emotions he couldn’t even begin to parse. “So why didn’t you?”
“Wh- does that even matter?” Verso looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “I was there, Gustave. I was going to let him kill you-”
“But you didn’t,” Gustave shot back, taking a step forward, crowding into Verso’s space and finally forcing him on the backfoot, figuratively. “You stepped in the middle and pushed me out of the way. You got me to our friends and got me healed. You kept me company while I was unconscious. You’ve defended me in battle multiple times, you even taught me how to fight better. If you wanted me dead so bad, why didn’t you just let me die?”
“I told you-”
“No, you’ve told me lies!” Gustave grabbed the front of his jacket, pulling him forward, making him scramble to find a hand-hold on the rubble. “You’ve done nothing but lie since you’ve opened your mouth here. You owe me the fucking truth, Verso, why did you save me?
“Because I wanted to!” Verso shouted back, and this time he didn’t even try to lower it. If anything, he just got louder, like the words had been ripping him apart to be said and now the dam had burst. “Because I was too fucking weak to go through with it and I-I didn’t want her to lose anyone else. Because I saw you here together and you cared for her so much, not even her own family could compare! Because I am so fucking sick of leading people to their deaths, of lying to them, betraying them, ripping myself into pieces over and over and over because he had the audacity to die and his mother decided that I needed to be punished for it! I’m- I’m tired, Gustave! I’m so… so tired…”
Verso turned his face away then and Gustave let him pull back, allowed him the small modicum of privacy. His heart ached, both at the revelation and the pain in his words.
“I wanted so badly to warn you,” Verso said, voice hoarse. “Every day, when you smiled at me. When you treated me like a person rather than a disobedient ghost. And every time you sat next to me, or you treated me with- with kindness, I wanted to tell you. To tell you what was coming, what I was allowing to happen… but I couldn’t. Because telling you would mean admitting that I lied. That I took advantage of your trust. That I was betraying you. And it would risk everything that I’ve been trying for decades to achieve. It…” He took a shuddering breath, then, quietly, “I’ve had to do so many horrible things in my life, Gustave… very few even come close to lying to you.”
The words rang with aching sincerity. Gustave had wanted a glimpse behind the mask and now he was getting the full view. It didn’t hide a sadist, or a villain, or a man angry at the world and spiteful at the people who got to enjoy it while he suffered. Instead, it was a son wounded by his parents, a brother who stood alone, a man who lived through more than he should have and had more pain to show for it than peace. Verso felt guilt. He felt sorrow. He was tired, but he was fighting.
That was genuine.
That was what Gustave had wanted to see.
The anger in him ebbed as quick as it had risen. His target had shifted now: from Verso to the Paintress and her husband, who had caused all of this misery in the first place. One was done with and the second… well, they would take care of him too. And then Gustave had a few things to say to the man who had wiped away entire generations with a sweep of his hand. But for now, there was a more pressing concern.
“Has your leg healed yet, or is it going to be a while?”
Verso blinked at him, surprise making his eyes wide. Gustave felt a pang of satisfaction at catching him so off-guard again. “What?”
“Your leg,” Gustave repeated, nodding towards it. “You injured it, right?”
Verso stared at him like he’d just grown two heads, “You knew?”
“Well, I didn’t think you were sitting down to enjoy the view,” he gestured at their dilapidated surroundings. “Plus, I know how fast you are: even with your shoulder, you would’ve been able to dodge that, unless something else was hindering you. Did it happen when you were jumping off Monoco?”
“Landed wrong when it went dark,” Verso admitted.
“Thought so. Even with things at their worst, you’ve never been further than a quick sprint from us, so wanting to stay back was… obvious. I figured you didn’t want to draw attention to it because you knew Lune was drained. She would’ve healed you anyway, you know? Even if she’s pissed at you, she wouldn’t leave you in pain.”
“I know,” Verso said and Gustave raised an eyebrow. He looked sheepish, “It’ll… take some getting used to.”
“I know,” Gustave said, then quietly, “I’m just asking that you try. I know it’s not going to be easy to change a decades-long habit overnight, I just… start with the small things, yeah? Like telling us when you’re hurt so we can help.”
“I’ll heal,” Verso said, matter-of-fact and a little resigned. “It’s just… taking time.”
“How much longer?” Gustave looked up at the sun, “It’s going to get dark soon: sun’s going down.”
“You can go, I’ll catch up,” Verso offered, shifting his weight a bit to test his leg and grimacing, “This should take another hour.”
“I’m not leaving you injured in the dark for Nevrons,” Gustave looked him over, “What’s still hurting?”
“My ankle,” Verso said, then added after a moment, “Hitting the pillar broke my hip and dislocated my knee, but those are fine.” Another pause. “Mostly.”
Gustave winced in sympathy, “Ouch. You think you can walk if I support you? Or will it hurt too much?”
“I can push through it, it’s fine-”
“Verso.”
He sighed. “You’re like a dog with a bone, you know that?”
Gustave grinned, “You’ve got nothing on Maelle and I’ve out-stubborned her at her prime teenage angst phase. And don’t change the subject: will it hurt too much?”
“It’ll hurt,” Verso admitted, “but not- I can push through it. It’s just temporary anyway.”
“Hm,” Gustave looked him over and then stepped over to kneel next to him, “Tell me if this hurts- and be honest.”
“What are you-” Gustave’s flesh hand gently touched his ankle and he hissed, “Ow!”
“Definitely broken, I can feel the swelling even through your boot,” Gustave said with a soft tone, hand shifting up to the side of his knee, “Here?”
“Tender,” Verso said after a moment.
“Okay,” Gustave’s hand shifted up, trying very hard to keep the touch clinical but also very aware that this was the closest he had been to Verso since that day at the beach. “And here?” he gently laid a hand on his hip.
Verso’s breath hitched, but Gustave didn’t think it was from pain. His eyes were wide, but the pupils just a bit dilated, the faint hint of a flush visible underneath his dark beard. Gustave felt his own face heat but he didn’t not pull back, just gently prodded, “Any pain, Verso?”
“No,” the other man responded finally, just a hint of breathlessness in his tone, “None.”
“Good,” Gustave said, giving his hip a gentle squeeze, just to hear him inhale sharply before standing back up, rummaging in his backpack for a Pictos that he slapped onto his arm. “Then let’s get going so that you can lie down.”
Verso nodded and made to stand up, accepting Gustave’s arm that he offered to haul him up… only to yelp as Gustave bent down, hooked his other arm behind his knees and hauled him up into a carry. “Gustave-!”
“This is far easier,” Gustave said, immediately starting off on the path, giving Verso no choice but to wrap his arms around his shoulders. “At least we’re lucky there are stairs and it’s all downhill back to camp: if we’d needed to climb something, we probably would’ve had to risk the night travel.”
“You can’t possibly be planning to carry me all the way back-”
“Well, I was planning until your leg healed, but now that I’m picturing the absolutely relentless teasing that you’ll have to face when we get back-”
“You wouldn’t-”
“Oh, I would.”
“I’m a grown man-”
“One might say an old man.”
“I can still punch you.”
“And then I’ll drop you, so would it really be worth it?”
“I think so,” Verso said tartly, but there was a shine to his eyes that hadn’t been there since before everything went wrong, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Gustave felt his heart beat faster and didn’t think he could blame it entirely on the exercise.
“Mind providing us with some light?” he asked, craning his neck. “I would really hate for my dashing moment to end with us breaking our necks rolling down the stairs.”
“Making me do all the work?” Verso brought one hand down from his shoulder to summon the light orb. “Seriously though, you could just-”
“I’m not leaving you behind,” Gustave cut him off, “and I would like us to be back by nightfall. I’ll be fine, I used one of our strength-boosting Pictos, plus, you’re not heavy. It’s actually concerning, considering how much equipment you’re wearing. You don’t eat enough.”
“Just because Maelle’s my sister doesn’t mean you’re my father too, you know.”
“You think I have to be family to care about you?”
“You shouldn’t care at all,” Verso said, with a hint of bitterness that sobered them both. “I still don’t understand how you’re being so nice. I nearly let you die, I let you get erased-”
“I know, I was there,” Gustave said sharply, immediately regretting his tone. Merde, he hated how good Verso was at getting under his skin. “And you don’t have to understand, you just have to accept that I am. I’m not gonna tell you that it’s okay and what you did was right, but I will say that I understand. You were in a horrible situation with terrible choices and you made an absolute clusterfuck of a choice as a result, but I don’t think you’re a shitty person. I think you’ve just been fighting a thankless battle alone for far too long and you deserve far more kindness than you’ve gotten, especially from yourself.”
Verso stared at him, eyes wide in something Gustave vaguely recognizes as awe. It’s both discomforting and heady to be the target of, especially in reaction to what Gustave thought was basic human decency, but he couldn’t imagine Verso had seen a lot of it before. The thought made his chest ache.
Verso seemed to pick up on it as he fell silent, turning his gaze back outwards, on alert for any Nevrons that may ambush them, despite them clearing the way earlier. Gustave focused on getting them down the stairs carefully.
“Do you remember our conversation after the Dualliste?” Verso asked softly. Gustave hummed in response, silently urging him to continue. “You said… you told me that you thought I was graceful and… some other things-”
“Incredible,” Gustave said, mouth feeling a bit dry, “Angelic.” A swallow. “Beautiful.”
Verso looked stricken and Gustave gently prompted him, not wanting to sidetrack them when Verso was finally showing hints to opening up, “What about it?”
“I- you were so quick to dismiss your own accomplishments and abilities-”
“I didn’t do anything that someone else could’ve done-”
“You- why do you always do this?” Verso said, a hint of frustration in his voice. “How do you- do you really not see it?”
“See what?” Gustave asked, bewildered.
“See how incredible you are,” Verso said, words almost bursting out of him and Gustave’s grip on him nearly slackened in surprise. “You talk about how you think you’re not special, that anyone could do what you do, and it’s maddening. I don’t know how you don’t- you’re so fucking brave, Gustave.”
Gustave stopped short and blinked, stunned. “What?”
“You’re brave,” Verso said, fingers digging into his shoulder where his arm was draped around them, a determined set to his jaw. “You’re the bravest man I’ve ever known.”
“Verso-”
“Anyone else would’ve told me to fuck off and die after what I did,” Verso cut in. The words had an edge to them, like he had been holding them back for ages. “At best, they would’ve tolerated me as another sword arm, but they wouldn’t have made sure I had a space by the fire. A meal even when I didn’t eat with them. They wouldn’t have stayed back to check on me to make sure I was okay and wouldn’t be left alone. They wouldn’t be- be taking the risk of opening their heart to me again after I proved to be so fucking careless with it the first time.”
Verso’s grip on his shoulder was almost painful, but it was grounding in a way. Every fibre of his being was locked into this moment, staring at Verso with a wide, astonished eyes, unable to believe that all that righteous indignation was for him.
“You’re the heart of this Expedition,” Verso whispered, swallowing audibly. “None of us would be where we are right now without you. That’s what horrifies me the most about what- what I nearly allowed to happen at the Cliffs. To imagine what it would’ve been like without you here… without your optimism, your passion, your excitement, the way you see beauty in this world which I’ve long since become blind to… I haven’t hoped for a better future in decades, Gustave, it’s been far too painful, but you… you make me want to try. You make me want to be brave.”
The idea was staggering. That Verso – confident, competent, charming Verso – wanted to be more like him? The man who lost a few friends on the first day of his Expedition and couldn’t find the will to go on? Who had to be stopped by Lune from making a decision he knows now he would’ve regretted immensely? Who then almost died again and had to rescued by a broken, fallen angel?
“I’m not-” Gustave said hoarsely, “I’m not that brave.” He felt his throat tighten as his vision grew blurry. “I’m… I tell myself that I wait because I want everything to be perfect, but it’s because I’m scared. I’m always scared. I knew within weeks of breaking up with Sophie that I wanted her back, but I didn’t go to her because I was scared. Of what she would say. Of what she’d think of me for changing my mind on something I felt so strongly about so quickly. And then it was too late. I almost gave up after the attack on the beach, Lune is the only reason I didn’t. I didn’t even make it a day by myself, Verso, I just… couldn’t. I was ready to die at the Cliffs, and I would’ve if you hadn’t intervened. I know-” he cut Verso’s protest off “-that you thought about staying away, but you didn’t. You saved me, Verso, do you hear me? You saved me. Thinking of what ifs… what’s the point?”
“Gustave…”
“If I was actually brave,” he continued adamantly, heart pounding in his chest loudly enough that he was sure Verso could hear it, “I wouldn’t have wasted as much time as I did.” He met silver eyes with his own, “I would’ve done at the beach what I had been wanting to do since the moment I saw you standing over me.”
Verso was so still, Gustave wasn’t even sure if he was breathing. Night had nearly fallen, the foliage of the trees making it almost pitch black and only the light of the orb Verso still held allowed them to see each other. For a moment, there was nothing but this. “And what was that?”
Gustave took a deep breath. Steeled himself and called on the bravery Verso insisted he had. It was surprisingly easy to find right now. “I would have kissed you.”
Verso’s breath caught.
“I would’ve told you how much I care about you,” he continued, “how much I want to see you smile and sit next to you when words are too hard. How much I want to help you carry your burdens and take them from you when it gets too hard. If I’d… if I had been braver back then, maybe we would’ve found another way.”
“If I had been braver,” Verso murmured, “maybe we would’ve.”
Gustave took another breath, letting the evening air fill his lungs and then exhaled slowly. “Maybe…” he said, tentative, “we can both be braver… together?”
Verso didn’t answer and Gustave tried not to let that sting. He nonetheless shifted his grip on the other man and started to walk again.
“Still?” Verso’s voice was so quiet, Gustave thought he was hearing things for a moment. He swallowed.
“I won’t say that I’ve completely forgiven you,” Gustave said, finally. “I’m not going to forget that you were going to let me die and that you hid so much from me. From us. But I understand: better than I did before. I know you well enough now to know that you were doing your best in a horrible situation. I wish… I wish you had spoken to me before, that we had had a chance to do better, but I also wish you’d never been put in that situation in the first place. You’ve been alone so long… I suppose it would have been foolish to expect you to rely on us so quickly. And you’re trying now, so… I do want to give us a chance. If that’s something you still want too.” Gustave held his breath.
“I’d like that,” Verso finally whispered, so quiet it was almost inaudible. “… Can you stop a moment?”
Gustave stopped immediately, tense as a bowstring, “Sorry, was that too-”
“Gustave.” Only Verso could stop his panic ramblings in their tracks with just a single word. “You’re alright, I just… I don’t want us to roll down the hill because I did this.”
“Did what-” The arm around his shoulders tightened, a warm hand cupping his face and turning it just enough as any concerns or thoughts faded into nothingness at the sensation of warm, dry lips on his own. Gustave inhaled sharply through his nose, the sensation of a beard rubbing against his own foreign but so quickly intoxicating that he was sure he would become addicted to it, as much as he was already addicted to Verso’s taste on his lips.
It was far too short, but maybe it was just his perception as he felt breathless by the time Verso pulled back. His eyes, those piercing, luminous eyes, were scanning his face, just a hint of apprehension that seemed foolish to Gustave to even consider because only Verso could be worried when giving Gustave exactly what he had dreamed of for weeks.
“Was that okay-” it was Gustave’s turn to interrupt him now, leaning forward to kiss him with such eagerness, he almost tipped them both down the flight. It had the added advantage of letting him feel Verso gasp against his lips and his grip on him tighten as he boldly took the opportunity to let his tongue slip between Verso’s parted lips. Judging by the muffled moan that he swallowed, Verso did not mind.
Time lost meaning for a while as they kissed again and again, neither letting the other pull back for longer than the time to take a quick breath. By the end of it, they were both breathless and panting, Gustave was sure his hair looked like he’d been sitting outside in a windstorm and Verso’s lips were slick and kiss-swollen. It was the most attractive sight he had ever seen and the heat in Verso’s eyes was only matched by the flush in his cheeks.
“Yeah, that was okay,” Gustave said, voice cracking a bit and Verso’s lips quirked up in that charmingly crooked grin that made his heart race. “That was… more than okay.”
He felt Verso’s hand leave his cheek and felt bereft for a moment, only to feel it shifting into his hair, fingers combing through the strands, leaving it looking like less of a bird’s nest. “I’m glad,” Verso murmured. “I’ve… I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.”
“Me too,” Gustave said hoarsely. “We can… maybe we can do it again?” Forever rung in his head, but he bit it back.
Verso chuckled, the sound gladly heard and sorely missed. “We can do it as many times as you like.”
“Well, that’s just not true.” He felt Verso tense and added hastily, “We’d never do anything else. Lune might just leave us to get eaten by Nevrons.”
“She can deal with it.”
“Do you want to tell her that?”
“Absolutely not.”
Gustave laughed, bright and airy, like a weight had been lifted from his chest. “That’s probably the most self-preservation I’ve ever seen you exhibit.”
“Nevrons I can handle, Lune though…”
“I’d be more worried about when she finds out you hid your injury.”
“Merde… any chance you’ll let me walk now?”
“Hm…” Gustave pretended to think about it. “Nope.”
“You know my leg has healed.”
“I know.”
“I could walk myself.”
“I know.”
“Which means you don’t have to keep carrying me.”
“I know.” He hefted Verso up a bit and continued down the stairs, “But I want to. Let me?”
He followed the path to their camp and, after a moment, felt Verso’s head rest gingerly on his shoulder. He exhaled shakily and drew him just a bit closer under the pretence of shifting his grip. Judging by Verso’s hitched breath, he wasn’t as subtle as he would have liked, but the other man only settled more firmly against him, letting him carry his burdens, if only for a moment. In the pitch-black darkness with the growls of Nevrons faint in the distance, the light orb nestled between them and shining light on the path before them, Gustave felt at peace for a precious moment. There were trials to be faced and complicated emotions to work through, but they had pledged to face it together.
The road ahead was dark no longer, an orb of light nestled between them lighting the way.