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5 times vaggi caught couples in the theater + 1 time she was caught

Summary:

The rule is simple: no having sex in the theater. No one is following the rule. Vaggi is exhausted by it.

Notes:

finally a new part! i hope everyone enjoys this light hearted little romp of a one shot.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

1.

Vox and Valentino

 

Vaggi almost always arrived early to the theater. Most of the time Charlie was with her, but Charlie had gone out with Emily and Niffty to get some paint, so Vaggi was flying solo for the time being. There were a couple other cars in the parking lot, but that wasn’t unusual. There were people who worked in the theater outside of their production, so she really thought nothing of them.

She walked into auditorium, setting her bag down at the table set up for her in the front row. She walked backstage to turn on the stage lights, fully illuminating the theater. Any odd noises from before, she hadn’t really noticed, but the loud gasp from within the unfinished set pieces was impossible to ignore.

Vaggi narrowed her eyes and walked over to the set, stepping through the taller pieces. It was a rotating set, already on casters, with a circular bed on one side. The side that was facing backstage, not front of stage. And on that set piece were Vox and Valentino, very much having sexual relations.

”Are you fucking serious!?” Vaggi yelled, covering her eyes. Closing her eyes and covering them with her hands was honestly not enough, she needed to tear them out and set them on fire for the horrors she just witnessed. “Clothes on, NOW.”

She could hear the men, clearly begrudgingly, putting their clothes on. 

“Oh don’t get your panties in a twist,” Vox drawled. Vaggi could hear him rolling his eyes. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

”I need you both to leave my sight for at least an hour. That should give me enough time to bleach my goddamn eyes.”

 


 

2.

Niffty and Baxter

 

Vaggi preferred to not go to the sound booth. 

It wasn’t that she had a problem with Baxter or Alastor, it was more that Alastor sometimes gave her the fucking creeps. Not in the way a lot of men did, more in that he was just… generally unnerving. But unfortunately, as the stage manager, she did have to occasionally talk to him. Regardless of how much she kind of did not want to.

She walked into the booth, eyes down on the script in her hand, where Alastor had scribbled several notes. “Hey Al, I just wanted to- what the fuck?!” The last thing Vaggi expected to find was Niffty, in just her bra and skirt, straddling Baxter’s lap. Baxter’s eyes were wide, practically popping out of his skull.

“Please don't tell Alastor about this,” he squeaked. Niffty just giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck. The girl was completely shameless. Vaggi shook her head. 

“Put yourselves back together before Alastor materializes and makes good on his threat of disembowelment. Though I don't think Niffty would really have to worry that much.” 

“Probably not!” Niffty responded cheerfully. She really wouldn’t. It was well known that Alastor had a soft spot for her. Baxter on the other hand….

“Kay, I'm going to go now.” Vaggi was quick to make her escape after that. 

 


 

3.

Angel and Husk

 

“C’mon Whiskers, it's fine.”

“Angel!”

Vaggi was pretty positive she had never heard Husk’s voice so high and embarrassed. She honest to god had no idea what she was about to witness when she rounded the main set piece to where- surprise- the bed set was. It was always the damn bed set.

On the bed were Angel and Husk, Angel straddling Husk’s lap like it was nothing, Husk somehow putting tomatoes to shame with how red he was. 

“What is going on?” Vaggi asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Angel sat up, which seemed to put more of his weight on Husk and that seemed to make Husk even more embarrassed. Poor guy was getting the full brunt of Angel’s ass (which honestly wasn’t even that much) on his groin. There was not a single doubt in Vaggi’s mind that Angel was doing it on purpose.

“Husk is helpin’ me rehearse my scene,” Angel said, shrugging as if this was a perfectly normal situation for them to be in. Vaggi was positive it was not, if Husk’s spluttering was anything to go off of. 

“And you have to be on top of him because….?” Vaggi couldn't help but ask. 

Angel shrugged again. “I’m a method actor.” Husk looked exasperated at that, but Vaggi had a feeling that despite how red he was, there was a part of Husk that was very much enjoying this. 

She just really didn't want to think about which part that was. Yuck

“Get off of him before he combusts, Angel.” She realized that was absolutely the wrong response when Angel just smirked and raised a brow at her. Vaggi groaned and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “You know what I mean! Just… ugh!” 

She turned and stormed off, ignoring Angel’s loud laughter at her retreating figure. 

 


 

4.

Cherri and Pentious 

 

They had only gone on a couple dates. Vaggi thought for sure that she would be safe from witnessing anything even slightly NSFW from Cherri and Pentious. 

In hindsight, she knew that was foolish. Cherri prided herself on sexuality the same way that Angel did, it’s why they were best friends. And of course, Cherri would have already done something with Pentious. 

Would explain why the poor guy was so often turning even redder around her now. 

So Vaggi really shouldn’t have been surprised when she found them in the wings. She was a little surprised, however, at the fervor with which they were sucking face. Cherri grabbed Pentious’ hands and dragged them down to her ass. Vaggi heard him make a noise she never thought she'd hear come from Pentious of all people.

“Seriously, Pen? You're breaking my theater rules now?” Vaggi asked, a brow raised. Pentious gasped in response, holding Cherri away at arms length. Cherri did not look amused. 

“Vagatha! I swear, it's not what it looks like!” he said. 

“Not my name and what is it then?”

“It's… it's uh… um….”

“Oh c’mon Vaggi, I was just about to seal the deal!” Cherri groaned. Pentious blushed at that, but he looked so happy, Vaggi almost couldn't be mad at them. Almost. 

“At least take it to your car or something. Please.”

 


 

5.

Alastor and Vox 

 

“Come on Alastor, how do you still not see it? How good we could be together!” 

There was no verbal response that Vaggi could hear as she approached the sound booth, the door left wide open. But Vaggi could just tell that regardless of whatever smile Alastor was wearing, he was not amused

“We’d be an absolute power couple! And if this show works out for me, I could be getting some big offers. I'll need a strong… business partner for that.”

The words sounded like shop talk, but when Vaggi peaked into the booth, Vox had Alastor trapped in his chair, leaning into his space so far that he might as well have been sitting on his lap. 

“Don't you already have a business partner?” Alastor asked, tilting his head in that infuriating way he always did. His tone was dripping with condescension. Honestly, Vaggi normally hated it, but Vox kinda fucking deserved to have some of his own shit handed back to him. 

“Val is different.”

“Oh I'm so sure. See, I personally think you use him and Velvette as a shield for your own mediocrity.”

Vaggi almost snorted. Vox growled and got right in Alastor’s face. He was close enough he could fucking kiss him, and Vaggi had a feeling that's what he wanted to do. Like an angry kiss. Jesus, this guy was crazy. 

Vaggi cleared her throat and Vox jumped back away from Alastor. He glared at Vaggi. “What?!” 

“All good in here, Al?” Vaggi asked, staring Vox down. Alastor chuckled, clearly amused at Vaggi basically acting as a guard dog. The irony didn’t escape Vaggi, that Alastor was the last person who needed protection.

“Oh nothing to be worried about, my dear. Vincent here was just leaving,” he responded. Vaggi did snort at that. 

“Vincent?!”

Vox/Vincent spluttered indignantly before flipping both of them off and storming out, shouting “Fuck you, Alastor!” as he went. 

Alastor turned to Vaggi, looking completely unphased by the entire situation. “Did you need something?”

 


 

+1.

Charlie and Vaggi 

 

Look, Vaggi wasn't perfect. She never claimed to be. She was strict about the rules of the theater, and about everyone respecting them, but at the same time… her girlfriend was really fucking hot. 

They'd broken for lunch after a pretty long morning rehearsal. Charlie, being the perfectionist she was, wanted to stay back and read some lines with Vaggi. Vaggi was happy to oblige, while also trying to get her to snack at least. 

But Charlie was just so talented and beautiful and the allure of the bed on the set behind them on the stage- already out, facing towards the seating- was hard to ignore.  

Vaggi was only so strong. She leaned over while Charlie was mid sentence and kissed her. Charlie made a surprised noise, but was happy to kiss back. Vaggi stood, their lips still connected, and pulled Charlie up with her. 

“What are we doing?” Charlie asked. 

“We're the only ones here. Might as well take advantage of the bed.”

“Vaggi!” 

Despite sounding scandalized, Charlie let Vaggi pull her towards the bed and lay her out on it. She even giggled, the sound getting cut off as Vaggi kissed her again. Charlie moaned softly into her mouth.

Vaggi’s hand slid south, sliding easily right into Charlie's pants and underwear, and she grinned at the sound her girlfriend made. Vaggi really loved taking care of her.

“Well look at the hypocrite in action.”

Charlie shrieked and Vaggi pulled her hand out of her pants, whipping around so fast. There stood Husk, in the pit, his brow raised at them. 

“You left!” Vaggi snapped.

“I did. Angel forgot his purse. I came back for it,” Husk responded. 

“Awww!” Charlie cooed, her eyes practically sparkling. She’d talked often about how cute Angel and Husk would be together. Normally Vaggi agreed, but right now she was on high alert that this would make front page group chat news. 

“We don't speak of this,” she said. Husk hummed, reaching down to pick up Angel’s purse from where he'd left it behind. 

“Sure. Hypocrite.” Husk smirked at them before he walked out of the auditorium. Vaggi groaned. 

“He's gonna tell Angel for sure.”

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

Notes:

hope you enjoyed! comments would be so appreciated!