Chapter Text
Beyond the thick stone walls of the Citadel of Minas Tirith it is bitterly cold winter’s night. A north wind rattles the windows and makes the banners flying high above even this chamber snap and strain against their halyards. In the courtyard of the White tree below us a hoar frost covers the ground. I listen intently hearing the wind mourning the coming end of the year and whispering to me of snow to come. But for now the night sky remains clear. If I were at home I might be tempted to go out and spend the rest of the night watching the stars shine and dance but here it would likely be frowned upon as foolish and to be truthful even a wood elf is grateful for solid walls and the warmth of a fire at this time of the year.
I close the shutters on the windows of the chamber I share with my friend when we visit the White City and cross the room to his side, making sure as I do so to see that his pipe and mug of beer are conveniently placed next to where he has taken up residence.
It is growing very late but I am not tired and Gimli seems to wish to linger here before the fire, and I am happy to sit with him and enjoy his company.
It has been a long evening but one filled with joy for we have been reunited with so many who we have come to love and care for. It is ten years since we were all together at the end of the War of the Ring. Much has changed since that happy day, yet much remains the same. At least I seem to remain the same, everyone else appears to have moved on, matured, changed …
As an elf I have years beyond counting before I am considered to be an adult. My mortal friends, many of whom were younger even than I have not only caught me up but passed me by. First it was Estel, a small boy when we first came to know each other. I was the elder brother back then. Yet as a human child, he swiftly reached and surpassed me in maturity until he is now considered the elder and more responsible while I am still called ‘young’ and ‘immature’. Even my Hobbit friends have outstripped me. Merry is married, and Pippin betrothed, while Sam and Rosie already have a large and growing family.
I am fortunate that Gimli appears to understand my considerable discomfort over this situation. I am the youngest elf still here on Arda, I will always be the youngest. The queen, Lady Arwen is over one thousand eight hundred years my senior, her brothers, Elladan and Elrohir more than that. Other than me they are the youngest of our kind still on Arda, and they of course are half-elven, so that they mature more swiftly than an elven child would. So that leaves me, and while I may be over eight hundred years old as an elf I am considered very young. I will not reach my majority until I am a thousand coronari. At home and among my kin I am known as the ‘elfling’. It is not a name I like, but I know there is little I can do about it, for to my family and friends I am little more than a child, and though it pains me to say so, I also realize that my lack of maturity is problematical. I am a consummate warrior, a passable diplomat and leader, but I still have little control over my emotional state, which makes me vulnerable to impetuous and reckless conduct. I wish it did not but it is a fact and I cannot deny it.
As I say I am fortunate in my friendship with Gimli. He is mortal, yes, but as a dwarf he is also relatively long lived, and he understands my situation better than any other, even Aragorn. He knows how it irks me to know that I cannot control my emotions as I should and he also recognises my need for support and guidance, yet he never pushes my immaturity in my face. He merely offers me his broad shoulder to lean on and his hand to guide my faltering footsteps as I need it.
Take tonight for instance. I was happy to see all my friends, and I think- nay I know- I became a little too ebullient in my actions., Gimli said nothing, but came to my side and I was immediately reminded to dampen my fervour a little. I am grateful, very grateful and doubly so that he chose not to call me on my foolishness, for at this season of ‘good will to all’ I would not wish to be called to account in the fashion my dwarf usually makes use of. So I am still sitting comfortably and I hope that situation will long continue.
It has been a long evening, but a very enjoyable one, so many reunions, so much laughter and a few tears of course, the party broke up quite late, and I had thought Gimli would wish to seek his bed along with everyone else but he seems pleased to sit by the fireside and reminisce.
Part of me wonders if he is worried that were he to go to bed and leave me ‘unsupervised’ I would go off with the Elrondionnath to cause mischief in the city but presently I have no desire to do so. I am happy to be with my friend, and to enjoy his company for we have been apart for several months, each of us busy with our new demesne.
We have both shed our formal finery, which we wore for the feast. Gimli is sitting swathed in a deep burgundy coloured dressing gown. He has unbraided his beard, and his feet are encased in a pair of leather slippers and are propped up on a footstool. I have removed my robes and circlet and am now sitting on the rug in front of the fire in my undershirt and leggings.
“Well lamb that was a fine evening” Gimli growls.
“It was,” I agree, stretching my unshod toes out to the fire. “It is good to see all our friends again. The Solstice celebration will be very enjoyable.”
Gimli cants his head to one side “Ye mean Mettarë lad or Yule as our Hobbity friends call it.”
I frown a little at this reminder for it is easy to forget that we all commemorate different celebrations. It is true we all rejoice at the turning of the year and the return of the light, but each of us does so in a slightly different fashion. Once again Gimli seems to sense my confusion, “we may call it by different names” he chuckles “but we are all acknowledging the same thing aye and we are all grateful to be here to do so.”
I nod at this, for it seems but a short time to me that we rode out from the White City to call the Lord of the Black Lands forth. We knew we had little chance of success in the battle that would ensue; yet we went anyway in the hope that by doing so Frodo and Sam would be able to slip into Mordor unnoticed. And it worked! Our world was freed finally of the Dark Lord, but at a terrible cost to those who dared the most. We have gained so much: freedom, friendship, better understandings between our races more cooperation and mutual respect for one another. But we must not forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice to allow us these things. Frodo never fully recovered from the ordeal he went through, and while Sam and the others Hobbits seem happy in their lives now, they all carry scars of one kind or another. We all do, even my indomitable Gimli.
Aragorn spoke of those we have lost tonight, only briefly but with a reverence and such feeling that all of us assembled knew how much he feels he owes to them. Although why he feels the need to acknowledge their achievements by turning the Solstice into Mettarë I do not know.
“Are you all right Laddie?”
Gimli interrupts my thoughts and I am happy for him to do so. I give him a somewhat shaky smile and explain I was just wondering why remembering the sacrifices others have made to enable us to be here has to be acknowledged in such a strange way.
“Strange lad?” Gimli queries my words
“Aragorn was brought up by Lord Elrond in Imladris. His childhood was full of the elven ways of celebrating the end of the year. Why choose Mettarë now?”
“Because he is a man, lamb. No matter his upbringing he is a mortal, aye, and king of Gondor. We are in a human realm where it is appropriate to do what is their tradition, not ours. Remember also Lad it is our differences that makes us what we are and also what binds us together. Boromir for instance loved this time of year and the traditions that Gondor. If we celebrate them we also commemorate his memory. He spoke of it often as we journeyed south together and Frodo was another who enjoyed Yule as they call it in The Shire. I like to hear of their different traditions and the ways they celebrate the turning of the year. Each to their own is what I say as long as we all acknowledge the joy in it.”
I ponder on his words for a moment or two seeing the sense in them. What right do I have to want to inflict my form of celebration onto the others? I should have known better. I do know better. “I am sorry I was being selfish not thinking of others’ feelings in the matter.”
“Selfish you? You are the least selfish person I know.”
“I have not always been so I am afraid,” I declare. “When I was younger I was once very selfish when it came to the Solstice and what is more,” I admit “I am ashamed to say I have never once considered this Gimli, but how would you celebrate this season if you were at home with your family?”
“In much the same way you do, I suspect,” he laughs, his dark eyes twinkling “although perhaps with not the same amount of trouble and mischief I am sure you indulge in.”
I pretend to be insulted but I can’t deny that for elves the Solstice is a time for fun especially for us younger ones.
I lean back against Gimli’s legs and he almost absentmindedly begins to card his fingers through my hair, loosening my braids as he does so that my hair falls around my shoulders. I gaze into the fire and my mind goes back to the many happy Solstice celebrations I have shared with my father even though the days darkened through my childhood. I cannot recall a single Winter Solstice that was not happy. My father saw to that, my father and those I call family, those who cared for me and wished me well. I have been very fortunate.
After a few moments of contented silence, Gimli nudges me with his knee, “I am in the mood for a story lamb, tell me a tale of a winter Solstice with your Ada one when you were young aye and maybe why you think you might ever have been called selfish.”
My friend has always shown an interest in my extreme youth, especially any indiscretions I might have committed, he tells me it gives him some idea of how to ‘handle’ my mischief now, and I know if I do not indulge him with a tale, he will pester someone else to tell him the story.
“Very well,” I admit defeat. “I will tell you the story. This one year in particular was the first time I realized that my Ada being King meant he was not just my father, but also the father of all our folk.” I can see Gimli is intrigued but before I begin I add, “ And perhaps next year you and I can go north and enjoy the Solstice with Ada. I had not realized that we had not yet shared this season with each other’s families. It is an error we must put right mellon nin.”
“We will do that Lamb, and the year after we can spend the night with Mam and Gloin. Now tell me this tale of yours.”
Settling down I begin to do so …
“I was around two hundred years old at the time. It had already been a very long and harsh winter and we had not yet reached the Solstice so that there were still many months to go before the forest would be ready to share its bounty with us again. For some time before the Solstice groups of elves who normally lived all year out in the forests had begun arriving at the stronghold seeking shelter within the from the intense cold. The halls were crowded and noisy there was much to be done and organized and although I did not then realize it with such a large number of elves needing to be fed we were in danger of running out of food. I had no real idea of this of course; although I was told often enough to eat what was given me and not waste good food. Yet I saw little of the real struggle that was going on to ensure all had sufficient food to eat. You would say I was young and spoilt and I was. My family sought only to keep me happy and ignorant of the worries that faced them. They made every effort to see to it that my life went on as normal. But one thing they could not prevent was the fact that Adar was often too busy to spend time with me as he usually did and I bitterly resented that fact.”
I settle back and let my thoughts drift back to that winter “It all came to a head a few days before the Solstice …” I begin.
“I breathed really hard on the glass and attempted to draw a snowflake in the resulting mist. I glared at the result for even to my biased eyes it looked more like a spider than a snowflake. Angrily I used my arm to rub it out and then turned my back on the window to sit with my legs dangling over the seat and my arms crossed over my chest. I was pouting; I knew it and did not care.
Ada should have been there with me, but he was occupied with important things to do with the realm.
He was always busy those days. He had no time for me it seemed, and almost as soon as break of fast was taken he was hurrying off to do ‘kingly’ things. And that was another thing. We usually had special foods for our morning meal at this time of year,-dried apples and spiced pears- but all we had today was porridge. I hated porridge, but I was made to eat it so there would be no waste.
Usually I would be granted a holiday from lessons but that year Ada said that it will be better for me to keep busy as he had lots to do and so could not spend as much time as he would like with me.
Yet I had seen him talking with all the strange elves that had come to live with us in the stronghold. He had time for them. He listened to their stories, gave them time and offered them what my tutor said was ‘solace’ in their time of need.
I was not sure why they needed solace I just wished Ada would spend the time with me rather than them.
My tutor had left me lessons to complete but I did not want to do them. All I wanted was to be outside enjoying the snow with Ada, cutting greenery to help decorate the hall or tasting foods in the kitchens. Sometimes I was even allowed to ride out with him through the snow to visit the settlements nearby to wish them a Joyous Solstice, but not this year. He said it wasn’t necessary to do it.
Yet I knew Adar had ridden out. I saw him go from my window, and many of his court went with him, although they were not dressed as they normally were for such visits. They looked like they were going hunting, although I knew it was not usual for them to hunt at that time of year because most of the animals are hiding or sleeping through the winter.
So I did not see why they were going out that day unless it is for ‘fun’ and if Ada had time for fun, why did he not have time for me?
My heels drummed against the wood panelling my frustration and displeasure at my situation growing as the minutes slip by. Ada said he would ‘try’ and see me but soon it would be too dark and too cold for me to go outside. It was unfair.
Perhaps if I were to go down to the bridge beyond the Great Gates I could wait for Ada to return and he would let me ride home with him.
I left the schoolroom and made for my chamber where I put on boots and find a warm winter cloak, for I felt the cold more than the older elves and it was very cold outside. Then I made for the main doors. There were so many elves there in the stronghold that I had little difficulty in slipping by the guards and making my way to the bridge.
I wrapped myself in my cloak and sat on a stone near the bridge watching and listening for the return of the hunters. Snow was continuing to fall and I found the cold quite hard to deal with but I was determined to stay there and wait for Ada so I gritted my teeth and waited.”
“Eh lamb, that was a very foolish thing to have done,” Gimli scolds, “Had you fallen asleep you could have died out there in the cold.”
I grin at the loving concern he shows. Not many see this softer side of my friend, but those of us who know him well and are loved by him recognise the gruff scolding tone for what it is, caring!
“That I know, now.” I tell him “I did fall asleep, and when Adar and the others rode by I was already half covered in snow. Fortunately Brethilas spotted the edge of my cloak and I was found and carried back home safe in my Ada’s arms. I did not wake until the next morning and it was to find Ada sleeping by my bed, he had been there all night it seems.”
“And was no doubt frantic?”
“He was, and relieved that I was safe but determined to find out the reasoning behind my foolish actions.” My lips twist into a grimace, as I add, “He was not best pleased with me when I told him that it was his fault and accused him of not caring about me and having fun without me. I was a selfish brat I am afraid”
“As far as I can see, you are still a brat.”
I laugh at that, “Very amusing Master dwarf. I trust I have improved a little since then. I certainly learned some important lessons through it. Ada certainly believed I was a brat back then and he was rightly angry with me.”
“Aye, or more likely angry at himself and frightened as to what might have happened to you.”
“That too, of course. Anger is often a cover for fear, as we both know. Whichever emotion he most felt he made sure that I realized how wrong it had been of me to do what I did. So, after we had um, shall we say … discussed my impertinence and I was standing up right once more …”
Gimli’s deep chuckles fill the air at my reference to Ada’s penchant for addressing my misconduct in that particular fashion and I cannot help but join in with his laughter before I complete my tale.
“As I was saying, after the discussion, Ada explained to me what had been taking up so much of his time and why it was so important.
Because of the harshness of the weather, we had a great number of elves sheltering in the stronghold. They all needed to be fed and cared for, and our food supplies were running low, hence the hunting party. It was not sport that took them out, but necessity and they had by their efforts managed to bring back enough meat to keep us all fed over the worst of the winter. The logistics of housing all those in need of aid also took up his time, not to mention the importance of him being seen by his people and his being able to offer them his strength and reassurance that all would be well, for many disliked being ‘trapped’ beneath the earth. With all that to do, as well as his usual duties, it was hardly surprising that he had been unable to spend as much time with me as he would have wished. Sometimes a leader has to put the needs of the many before the needs of the one, even the one they love more than life itself. I did not appreciate the full importance of that duty back then. I do now, that I have my own colony in Ithilien. And Ada decided it would be better for everyone if I was included in what was happening rather than remaining in ignorance so that I got to see the full extent of the difficulties we were experiencing. So many were making sacrifices for the good of others that I realized that I would be selfish indeed to demand more of my father’s time than he could give me. It was a lesson I learned well and never forgot.”
“So it was a pretty sad Solstice feast that year then?”
I laugh, “In point of fact no. Because of the meat they had brought back from the hunt, and the ingenuity of the cooks we all feasted well at the Solstice. There was singing and dancing, the hall was decorated as usual. it was a good celebration one of the best, for we shared it with so many, just as we are going to share Mettarë with so many of our friends this year.”