Work Text:
Like every day, Jayce found himself in the lab hours after he had finished teaching his last class, waiting for Viktor to finish teaching so they could discuss a few things before heading home. His spine was rigid in the stool, mood dampened by the raging storm outside. His eyes kept flicking between three points, his notebook on the desk in front of him, the window where the snow was attempting to eat the Academy, and the heavy oak door. It took longer and longer for Jayce to pry his eyes away from the static white window that made him shudder. He perked up a bit when he finally heard the door open, ripping his eyes from the glass to the door, lips parting to greet his partner. The words get stuck in his throat, however, at the sight of his partner. Viktor was holding himself rigidly, eyes on the ground, limp a touch more pronounced than normal. Then he hears it, the soft, pained sigh that leaves Viktor’s throat.
“Viktor?” Jayce whispers, making the other tense up and look over at him.
For a moment, his clear amber eyes take on a haunted look, bloodshot and frantic. The light in the room shutters and brightens, going fluorescent in a way only truly seen in hospitals. The smell of ozone and old parchment was replaced by the cloying scent of antiseptic. Jayce didn't see the man standing before him; he saw a ghost—a beaten, fragile body drowning in the vastness of a clinical bed. His lungs seized, the air in the room suddenly too thin to breathe.
“Jayce, I didn’t see you,” Viktor replies.
Jayce was out of his seat before he’d even registered he was moving, standing close to the other man. Viktor takes a step forward and is suddenly falling, right into Jayce’s large hands, knee having given out on him. Jayce holds him tight, the weight of the other leeching to something skeletal. Viktor wasn’t supposed to be this light, not anymore.
With each blink, Viktor’s face morphed between the healthy glow it had taken on to the sunken, pale version. Jayce holds tight, fingers digging through Viktor’s pants into his hip bones, which made Viktor sneer. He tested his knee before standing up straight, slapping Jayce’s hands away. Jayce blinks a few times and trails after the other, basically walking on the heels of his shoes, hands out to catch the other if his knee gives again. Viktor settles himself on his stool, setting his crutch aside as he pulls out his own notes.
“H-how was class?” Jayce asks softly, leaning on the table next to Viktor, breaking the silence to keep his mind present.
"Fine. My students had an exam today," Viktor answers, fingers shaking as he straightens some papers on his desk, shifting in the stool just a little.
"That's good. So you were able to rest a bit? While they wrote?"
"No, I still had to proctor the exam, Jayce. Even university students are not above the temptation of a shortcut."
Jayce nods, not really paying attention to what Viktor was saying. Instead, he was focused on the way Viktor’s fingers trembled, the way each breath seemed clipped instead of full. His eyes flicked to the window again, where snow had been wrapping itself around the building all morning, a white dress for the stone. "Is ... Is it the cold weather that-"
"Yes, Jayce! But I’m fine. Quit hovering!" Viktor snaps, whipping his head around to glare at his partner, lips pressed together and eyes narrowed.
Jayce flinches back a step, brows furrowing. “Right…sorry,” Jayce mutters, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.
His eyes float over Viktor’s angry face, down his chest and to his cluttered desk. He looks over the papers, models, and tools to Viktor’s favorite mug, empty, of course. Jayce reaches for it, hesitating for only a second before grasping it and taking another step back. He can feel Viktor’s eyes on him, though the other man doesn’t comment. Jayce gulps, looking into the tea stained cup for a second before taking a deep breath. He stands a little straighter, moving for his own mug with quick strides. He pauses at the door to the lab, looking over his shoulder. He was conflicted, not wanting to leave Viktor alone, but knowing it was likely for the best. The door shuts heavily behind him, making him jump a little, heart picking up in speed. Jayce steels himself, walking down the empty hall to the staff break room. He hated this room, it was always too bright and smelled awful, all the different foods that had been made mixed together into a nauseating concoction. Jayce sets the mugs down on the counter, grabbing the metal kettle and filling it with water quickly. He sets the kettle on the hot stove, turning and leaning against the counter, phone in hand. He turns the screen on, but his eyes are quick to leave the glow to the window. The wind was getting louder, turning from a whisper to an enraged howl. Jayce’s knees touched the cold floor before he even registered he was falling, phone held tightly in one hand as his breathing got worse.
Breathe. Just breathe.
He crouched there, the cold from the tiles seeping through his trousers. He closed his eyes and tried to find the rhythm his childhood therapist had taught him, but the air felt like broken glass in his throat. He counted: four seconds in, seven seconds out. He tried to focus on the hum of the refrigerator, anything but the sound of bodies falling on snow. He could see his mother lying there, snow covering her shaking form. He hated the snow, the things it had done to him over and over. He detested the way it turned the world into a beautiful, frozen grave, and he hated even more what it did to Viktor’s joints—the way the barometric pressure seemed to grind his partner’s spine into a singular, agonizing knot.
After a minute, the roaring in his ears subsided enough for him to stand. His fingers tapped a frantic, irregular beat on the laminate counter as he waited for the kettle to boil. After another shaky breath, he lifts his phone again and opens his cab finder app. He couldn't drive in this—not with his hands shaking like this, not with the roads turning into sheets of black glass—and he wouldn't let Viktor try.
He navigated the cab app with stiff fingers, adding a note for a larger vehicle. Needs legroom, he typed, his jaw aching from how hard he was clenching it. Medical necessity.
He flinched when the kettle suddenly hisses, throwing him back into that room. Viktor’s oxygen was a constant hiss at this point. It didn’t matter that most of it went to waste, unable to make it into Viktor’s smog-damaged lungs with his persistent cough. Jayce swallows thickly, pressing his fingers into his eyes, trying to physically wipe the memory away. He gulps and opens his eyes again, making the tea on autopilot; honey and milk for Viktor, double sugar for himself. His phone buzzes in his hand, notifying him that the wait would be near an hour for the cab. Jayce groans, shoving the device back into his pocket. He just wanted to take Viktor home, at this point. He wanted to cuddle on their ridiculously sized couch with their cat and watch a movie so loud they couldn’t hear the snow.
He takes a breath, nothing he could do about it now. Instead, he lifts both mugs and trudges back to the lab, pushing the door open with his shoulder. As the door opens, the sound of a cough reaches Jayce’s ears. His steps pick up in pace, the boiling water sloshing over the sides of the mugs and onto his hands, down his wrists. He could barely feel the burn through his panic, hands shaking. He slams the mugs down hard, not caring if they shattered from the force. His hands are immediately on his partner, one over his back, right on the brace, the other on Viktor’s thigh. Though, he couldn’t seem to actually feel the other, limbs heavy and numb, like he was drowning in the very snow that was burying the Academy.
Viktor had his wrist pressed to his lips as he coughed, head down, hair covering his face. His heart was pounding to the rhythm of Viktor’s coughs and the man kept morphing between the one in front of him and the one that was dying.Viktor liked to sit up in the oversized bed, despite the fact that it was best for him to stay laying down. His skin was pale, dark circles under his eyes and in the hollows of his cheeks. His thin wrist was pressed to his lips, crimson splattering against the near translucent skin as he coughed. His ribs were clear through the opening of Viktor’s gown, expanding and deflating quickly with each hacking cough. His short brown hair was sticking up in every direction from the smaller man’s hands constantly running through the strands, tugging when he got so frustrated he couldn’t speak.
Jayce was standing beside the bed, warm rag in hand to dab at the blood, other pressed to the man’s spine. He could feel the notches where Viktor’s back brace latched into place, missing for almost two months. His own eyes were puffy from crying, though never when Viktor was awake and his knuckles were white from where they clung to the rag.
"Jayce," The voice was thin, but it had an edge of steel.
Jayce blinked, the sterile yellow light of the spare bedroom snapping back into the cool shadows of the lab. There was no blood. Viktor wasn't pale; his cheeks were flushed with an irritated heat, and his hair was long and silky, caught in the waves of his usual routine.
"You made tea?" Viktor asked, his gaze dropping to Jayce’s trembling, tea-stained hands.
Jayce swallows thickly, "Y-yeah. T-tea,” the word feeling like a stone in his mouth. He looked at the window, where the snow was no longer just falling—it was scouting the glass, looking for a way in. “And ordered a cab. I can't drive in this and it's only going to get worse."
Viktor swivels slowly in his seat, lips pursing when he sees the snow, seemingly for the first time. "It was not snowing like this when we arrived this morning. What about your car?" Viktor turns back to Jayce.
He didn't care about his car. He cared about taking his partner home and tending to him where it was warm and safe. "I'll...text Cait. I'm sure she and Vi will have no problem getting it once they're both off. They love the snow."
Viktor nods, lifting his mug and taking a slow sip. Jayce watches, still with his hands on Viktor. After swallowing his mouthful, Viktor gently brushes Jayce off.
"If we're waiting for the cab, we should try to get some work done, don’t you think?"
Jayce swallows, but nods, taking his mug and trudging back to his own desk. Though he doesn't get anything done in the near hour it takes for the cab to arrive.
When he feels the familiar buzz in his pocket from the cab app, he jumps up. He quickly grabs his coat, shoving it on before holding Vitkor’s out for him. Viktor walks over slowly, giving Jayce a hard look before sliding the coat on. They stepped out into the night, and the world was gone, replaced by a howling, white void. Viktor limped heavily, his posture skewed as the cold bit into his spine. Jayce offered his arm, his elbow bent in a rigid invitation. He didn't look at Viktor; he kept his eyes on the sidewalk, searching for the treacherous shimmer of ice beneath the powder.
He felt Viktor hesitate—a prideful pause—before a gloved hand finally threaded through his arm, gripping him with a strength born of pure necessity.
Jayce pulls the sliding door on the left side open, helping Viktor in. Once the man is settled, he runs to the other side, getting himself in as well. He buckles, leg bouncing quickly with nerves. He looks over at Viktor, who was sitting on the edge of the seat, leg scrunched up, belt pulled forward. Jayce huffs and gently touches Viktor’s leg.
“Up,” he orders.
“I’m fine, Jayce. The car is too small for that.” Viktor brushes him off.
“It’s a van, V. I specifically - nevermind, it doesn’t matter. Up,” He says again, this time gently maneuvering Viktor the way he wanted him. Viktor grumbles the entire time, back pushed up against the door and right leg now propped in Jayce’s lap. Jayce massages his calf gently, trying to figure out where the pain was stemming from. They hit a small patch of ice, car sliding, causing Jayce’s fingers to clamp down on the spot. Viktor hisses, slapping at his wrist.
“You’re going to leave bruises,” he growls out, face scrunched in pain.
“Sorry,” Jayce says instantly, loosening his grip as the car settles back in.
“It’s fine. I just hate the snow. I mean it when I say I’m going to take Hex and go somewhere tropical.”
Jayce can’t help the soft laugh that leaves him. Jayce felt the first real breath of air reach the bottom of his lungs in hours. He looked down at Viktor. The flush from the lab was gone, replaced by a grey, hollow exhaustion that made the dark circles under his eyes look like bruises.
When the cab finally slid to a halt in front of their house, the streetlamp overhead was swaying violently in the wind. Jayce paid the driver, overpaid, his fingers fumbling with the bills in his haste, and moved around to the other side.
He tries to use his larger body to shield Viktor from the snow as they walk up the sidewalk.
"Almost there," Jayce breathed, fumbling with his keys to get the door open.
Viktor looked up, his eyes glassy but focused. He reached out, his damp glove catching Jayce’s chin, forcing him to look away from the door.
"Jayce," he rasped, his voice barely audible over the winds screeching. "Look at me. We are almost inside. The snow will stay out there. I am here."
Jayce looked. He saw the damp hair, the pale skin, and the stubborn, infuriating spark in Viktor's eyes. The "death bed" memory flickered one last time, the yellow lights, the hissing oxygen, and then it finally went dark.
"Yeah," Jayce whispered, his shoulders finally dropping an inch. "You're here. Why don't I draw us a bath?" Jayce offers as he finally gets the door open.
"I would like to bathe alone tonight," Viktor responds.
"No problem. I can make dinner while you do." They step into the entryway together, Viktor checking his phone.
"The weather is only going to get worse this week. It looks like the Academy is going to close until the snow stops," Viktor mutters.
He slowly sits down on the little stool they kept by the door and removes his shoes. Jayce does the same before padding to their second bathroom and starting a bath and hitting the little button by faucet to get the bath walls heated up. He makes sure the temperature is just how Viktor likes it before adding Epsom Salt, magnesium flakes, and eucalyptus to the running water to help rid Viktor of some of the pain. Once the tub was filled, Jayce hits the jets, knowing Viktor liked the way they hit his leg and back when he soaked. He could hear Viktor walking slowly to their bedroom, likely to take some of his pain relief medicine. The man's voice drifted softly from the room as he greets their cat.
"Hello, my darling, Hex. Did you have a good day? Nice and cozy here while your dad and I went to work? Hmm? Lucky girl."
Jayce smiles despite himself, relaxing a bit more into the environment. Soon, the tub was filled and Jayce was opening the bathroom door to fetch his lover, who was standing next to the dresser, half undressed. He was breathing hard, head bowed, holding onto the dresser so hard his knuckles were white.
"The bath is ready," Jayce whispers, setting his hand on the bare flesh under Viktor's back brace.
The other nods, slowly standing straighter. Jayce guides him into the bathroom.
"Can I help you get these off?" Jayce asks, to which Viktor simply nods.
Viktor sits down on the toilet, resting his cane against the sink. Jayce moves diligently, starting with the back brace, then his partner's pants, underwear, and finally his knee brace. "Up we go," Jayce breathes, gently lifting the other and setting him into the steaming tub. Viktor groans softly, body immediately spreading out in the tub. Jayce smiles a bit, grabbing a wash cloth and gently dunking it in the water. He wrings it out before settling it on Viktor's eyes. He presses a gentle kiss to the man's nose before standing.
"Give me a shout when you're ready to get out, okay? I'm going to make dinner."
Viktor nods, but doesn't say anything. Jayce lingers only a moment longer before stepping out, phone in his hands. He quickly dials his mother, wanting to know she was safe while also having her guide him through one of her soup recipes.
~
Viktor could hear Jayce up and moving around outside of their bedroom the moment he opened his eyes. The soft, domestic sounds of the other man getting ready while trying to be quiet always made a small smile appear on his face. Which it does, but only for a moment, because he is suddenly very aware of his own body. Last night, he had gone to bed with a gentle throb of pain in his limbs, sharpened only slightly from his normal amount of pain. This was usually a hint that there was a temperature change coming for their home. The pain he now felt was significantly worse, like a dog left starving on the streets chewing on his bones. He could feel its teeth crunch into him with each minute movement he made. He slowly stretches his leg out, regretting it immediately. He squeezes his eyes shut as the pain roars, making his ears ring and his chest tighten. The pain fires up his leg, through his hip, and along each ridge of his spine.
Tears pricked his eyes and his breathing grew rough. Each intake of breath made the pain that much more vivid, forcing him to keep his breaths shallow, slowly moving his leg back into its original position, which doesn't alleviate the discomfort. He whines softly, trying not to alert Jayce to his distress. Tears pricked his eyes — involuntary, humiliating — and he squeezed them shut, jaw clenched so hard he felt the tremor in his molars. He waited for the pain to ebb, but it didn’t ebb. It pulsed. It crawled. It settled into his joints like something sentient, something that had been waiting for him to wake up so it could sink its teeth in. The weather must have taken a nose dive as he slept for this to be the result. If that was the case, his partner was already stressed enough without the addition of his pain. The snow always frayed Jayce’s nerves because he almost lost his mother to the cruel, white mistress.
Viktor takes another deep breath, sliding his shaking hand over the covers towards his bedside table where his meds were hiding. He slowly peels the drawer out from its place, whining softly at the pain that kept coming from his movements. The drawer stuck for a moment, and the tiny resistance made his spine flare so violently he had to bite down on a gasp. He pants softly as he pulls out his emergency pain medicine, a higher dosage than anything he took on a normal day. He quickly opens the top, shaking two pills directly into his mouth and swallowing them dry before closing the pill container and tossing it back inside, slamming the drawer shut.
Just in time for his partner to push the door open with a soft, "Good morning, V."
Viktor grunts in response, not trusting his voice yet. He bites his lip to cut off a hiss caused by Jayce jostling the bed. The other man was now kneeling over the bed, one knee on it and both hands bracketing Viktor's head. He had a nervous smile on his face, which meant there was definitely snow outside. Jayce bends and presses a gentle kiss to Viktor's lips. Viktor tries to lean into it, but his body revolts against the motion with another flash of pain that cuts off his thoughts for a moment.
"- drive us in today? I know your class doesn't start until later, but I don't trust the snow," he says bashfully when he pulls out of the kiss.
Viktor blinks a few times, trying to parse together the words he missed before he nods, "Yes. But I want food on the way.”
He takes a breath before forcing himself to sit up, wincing at the pain it causes, not meeting Jayce’s eyes as he does.
"Hand me my back brace," Viktor mutters, gesturing at the room for it.
Jayce quickly gets off the bed, jostling Viktor again. He swallows thickly, schooling his face into neutrality. The brace is placed gently in his hands, his leg brace set beside him on the bed with the same care. Viktor moves stiffly, buckling everything into place slowly, the familiar movement feeling more like piercing himself over and over than it did attaching his supportive items. Once both braces were secured, Viktor stands, grabbing his crutch and leaning on it heavily. The pain explodes out from his knee and settles behind his ribs, making a soft, humiliating gasp leave him. Jayce hovers for a few moments, lips parted to say something, but stops when he sees the look in Viktor’s eyes. Instead, he presses a kiss to the mole on Viktor’s cheekbone before leaving Viktor be. He slowly dresses himself, each movement like touching a live wire to his skin over and over, shuffling into the living room after. He shoves his feet into the large snow boots and slides his coat on, looking Jayce over as the man scrolled on his phone, leaning against the counter with a furrow between his brows, lips moving silently as he read.
"Come on, Jayce," Viktor calls, voice thinner than usual.
Jayce stands up straight and looks over at Viktor, eyes wide. He nods, hurrying over and putting his boots and coat on. The two trudge outside together. The cold was like a slap to his skin, instantly finding its way under his heavy clothes and to the metal that kept his body together. He shivers, chewing on his tongue to keep any noise in. The snow fall was light, but the sky was dark, indicating it would probably keep snowing all day. Viktor gulps in a shallow breath, taking gentle steps to try and keep some of the pain at bay. It doesn't necessarily work, but walking any heavier would likely give Jayce a heads up on his pain levels.
Viktor unlocks Jayce's car, sliding into the driver's seat with a bit of difficulty. The angle of the seat twists his spine just enough to make his vision white out for a moment, jaw dropped open. When his mind settles back in, he sets his crutch between Jayce's seat and the center console before the other man gets in, breathing deep. He was so thankful Jayce had already started the car before he'd come and gotten him. The warmth eased the pain a little.
"You okay, V?" Jayce asks as he sits down.
"I'm fine. Just sat weird." Viktor responds, his gut giving a little twist at the lie.
Viktor hated lying to the other, but he hated being worried over more. Jayce hums, clearly not fully believing his partner, but doesn’t press, “If you say so, V.”
Instead, he buckles in and starts telling Viktor about an idea he had for their most recent project, something about shifting the battery output. Viktor listens half heartedly.
Instead, his mind was more focused on the road and the pain that raced along his limbs, dancing around in a way he himself never could. Each shift of his muscle as he presses down or eases up off the gas and brakes makes him want to scream. It was as if the muscles were shredding apart then being stapled back together over and over. Lightning was arching between the joints, zinging up and down from his ankle to the top of his spine. It made his vision blurry around the edges and his teeth grind together so hard he swore he could feel them moving. When they hit a bump, Viktor cursed very softly. Though it was enough to catch Jayce's attention, hazel eyes trained upon him with worry. A large, warm palm settles on Viktor's thigh, gently rubbing the skin there as if it could magically leech the pain away. Viktor does relax a bit under his touch.
"You're shaking. Are you cold? Or...V are you in pain?"
"I'm always in pain, Jayce," Viktor says instead of answering.
"You know that's not what I meant," Jayce replies, eyes narrowing.
Viktor doesn’t respond, just turns into the drive-thru of his favorite donut spot. He gets them both two donuts, a black coffee for himself and a hot cocoa for Jayce. He could feel his partner’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t dignify the long look with words. Instead, he takes a quick bite of one of his donuts before shoving it into Jayce’s hand. He drives the last few miles to the university quickly.
"We're here. Do you want me to drop you at the door so you're not late?"
"No, we can walk in together."
Viktor nods and parks the car, turning it off quickly. He pushes his door open, unbuckles, and grabs his crutch. He takes a few deep breaths before pushing himself up. His knee gives out, dropping him back in the seat.
"Are you okay?" Jayce asks, voice panicked.
"Fine, I just slipped on some ice," Viktor tries again, biting his lip to focus as he forces himself up.
His leg buzzes and his eyes cross for a moment. He takes another breath before taking his first step away from the car, slamming the door and locking it. He takes slow steps through the lot, careful of any actual ice. The cold gnawed at his joints. His muscles cramped. His spine felt like it was being twisted by invisible hands.
He grabbed Jayce’s arm when he got close enough, not out of affection, but necessity. Jayce didn’t comment, just adjusted his pace to match Viktor’s uneven gait. The cold seeps in through his jacket and pants, seizing the metal and making his muscles cramp up again. Jayce pulls him along a little faster.
He releases Viktor at the door with a soft apology, handing over his breakfast, before pressing a kiss between his brows and darting off.
Viktor rolls his eyes and heads in the opposite direction, toward the elevator that would take him to the lab. He sits down on the small couch they kept there, munching on his breakfast while gently massaging around his knee. It wasn’t nearly warm enough in the room, but Viktor couldn’t seem to get himself off the couch in order to turn the temperature up. So, instead, he lays down, pulling the stupid little blanket Jayce left on the couch over himself.
When Viktor opened his eyes, the lab was filled with light, the sun reflecting off the snow. He sighs and rubs his face before he grabs his phone and checks the time. His eyes bugged a little, he was officially late to class. He grabs his crutch and uses it to push himself up from the couch, groaning softly at the pain that shoots through him, each step a negotiation within his body, one he was losing. He grits his teeth as he walks through the halls to his room, greeting the students with a simple wave. He grabs the tests that were left on his desk and begins passing them out, going over the directions as he does.
He gasps when his foot catches against someone's bag. The world lurches around him and he hits the ground hard, pain exploding in his body like a landmine. He sees stars, completely unable to move for a few moments. He couldn’t seem to drag any air into his lungs, reminding him all too much of when he was dying. When finally he is able to speak, he yells.
“Damnit, what have I said about making sure your things are not in the way?” he shouts, glaring up into the face of a frightened first year.
“I’m so sorry, professor!” she squeaks out, grabbing her bag and shoving it under her feet.
“It’s…fine. My apologies,” Viktor grumbles curtly, taking a few moments to get himself back on his feet. He hands the stack of papers to the girl. “Please pass these out for me.”
She nods, shooting up and moving around the room swiftly while Viktor limps back down the lecture hall steps to the podium. Once there, his head falls into his shaking hands, trying to take a moment. A moment to breathe. A moment to relax. Just a moment. The pain doesn’t even give him that much.
The two hour exam was excruciating. The two carbon copy classes after that are something beyond excruciating, a kind of slow, grinding torture that made time feel viscous, stretched thin between each breath he managed to take without wincing. By the time it was all over, he couldn’t help the sigh of pain that left him once he was alone in the lab. It wasn’t even a dramatic sound — just a thin, frayed exhale that slipped out of him like steam escaping a cracked pipe. He’d thought he was alone. He should have guessed Jayce would be there waiting for him. He was tense as he watched the other, trying to compose himself. He lifts his head and moves to take a step forward, though his leg gives out on him instead. He was lucky Jayce had been there, his large hands steadying him with that terrifying gentleness that made Viktor feel both safe and unbearably exposed. Viktor wasn’t sure he would be able to handle another fall. He forces himself back up with gritted teeth, not wanting to seem weak in front of the other. Which was stupid, all things considered. Still, he brushes the other off and heads to his stool. He can’t help but snap at the other, his worry making Viktor feel nauseous. He just needed a bit of time to get his head on straight and settle down. He was grateful when Jayce left him alone. Even more grateful when he learns of the cab that was coming for them. He would have driven if Jayce had asked, but it would not have been a good thing.
At home, Viktor was tempted to collapse on the bed with Hex, their two year old speckled black and white cat. She was purring from the bed, eyes half closed as she looked at Viktor. He runs his shaky hands through her soft fur, relaxing with every pass. He sighs and moves to his dresser, starting to undress. He managed to get his shirt halfway off before the world narrowed.
The pain hit so hard his knees buckled. He caught the dresser with both hands, fingers digging into the wood. His breath stuttered. His vision blurred. Tears slid out from under his lashes before he could stop them, hot and humiliating. He hated crying. He’d only done it a few times in his life. But this wasn’t crying, not really. This was his body breaking rank, betraying him, leaking emotion the way a wound leaks blood. His shoulders shook once, a small, silent tremor he couldn’t suppress.
He bowed his head, gripping the dresser so tightly his knuckles went white, waiting for the pain to ebb enough that he could breathe again. He wasn’t able to get a hold of himself before Jayce came in. The man’s hands were warm on his skin, relaxing his body enough to get a breath in. He lifts his hand and wipes away the tears, allowing himself to be led into the bathroom, then settled in the tub. The warmth seeps into his skin, unfurling the clench of his muscles. He feels his body loosen in increments, like rusted joints finally catching a bit of oil. He sighs softly, allowing himself to finally rest. He doesn’t know how long he is in the tub, unmoving, simply enjoying the warmth surrounding him. He would have to remember to thank Jayce properly for getting the oversized, heated monstrosity when he was feeling more himself.
Eventually, the door opens and the smell of soup wafts in, following the heavy steps of his partner. He can hear Jayce sitting down beside the tub, reaching one hand out of the water for Jayce to take. He does so instantly, curling their fingers together and tracing his arm with his other large hand. Viktor sighs.
“Is the water still warm?”
Viktor nods.
“Good. I know we didn’t really have a reason to test this bad boy out since it’s been so warm. I was honestly hoping maybe this winter would surprise us, you know? Be kind of dry.”
Viktor cracks a smile, “We could never be so lucky.”
“Never say never, V. But, maybe this is a sign? I mean, we’re a week out from winter break. So maybe this time next year we should go on vacation? Somewhere tropical like you said? Pack Hex up and just go? I mean, we have the money to even get a little beach house-”
Viktor nods along to Jayce’s rambling. It reminded him why he loved this man so much. He was so incredibly optimistic and did everything in his power to help.
“I love you,” Viktor blurts.
Jayce snorts and a quick kiss finds its way onto Viktor’s lips.
“I love you too, but I wasn’t done, you know.” Jayce admonishes in a teasing voice.
Viktor sticks his tongue out and is rewarded with another gentle kiss. The two settle into a calm silence, Jayce still gently stroking up and down Viktor’s arm, which was starting to shake a touch from the cold. Viktor doesn’t try to move, accepting the slight bit of cold as the sacrifice for Jayce’s touch. He allows his mind to wander again, drifting over the idea of getting a beach house with his partner, their current project, their life together, everything. He is pulled out of these thoughts when his stomach begins to rumble, reminding him he hadn’t eaten since that morning. He lifts one hand to pull the cloth from his eyes, blinking against the low lights of the bathroom before turning his head to face the other, who had his eyes closed, cheek resting against the tub. Viktor lifts his other hand, gently stroking Jayce’s cheek, smiling when his eyes open.
“Ready?” Jayce asks softly, lifting his head.
Viktor nods, dropping his hands, which were pruney. He groans as his body is lifted from the warm water, squeezing his eyes shut as the pain worms its way back in. He misses the water immediately, taking slow breaths as Jayce sits him on the bed, warm towel rubbed over his skin. He takes the cloth from Jayce’s hand to dry his hair, watching as the other man opens their shared closet, pulling out his favorite hoodie. It was a bright red and worn down, something Jayce had owned since he was a teenager. Viktor often stole this hoodie simply because of how soft it usually was and because it always smelt like Jayce. He lifts his arms so Jayce could slide it onto him. He sighs happily as the cloth settles on his skin.
“How does some underwear sound, hmm?” Jayce asks in a soft tone, hands rubbing at Viktor’s thighs, making Viktor wince.
“Thrilling as going without would be, no.” Viktor responds, knowing it was going to hurt to get the garment on.
Jayce nods, grabbing a pair from the drawer and kneeling. Viktor blushes a little, looking away with only his eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that when you’re putting clothes on me.”
“I wouldn’t be putting them on you if you weren’t in so much pain, V.”
Viktor frowns, knowing Jayce didn’t mean it the way it sounded. Jayce’s large hands are extremely gentle as he slides the piece of cloth onto him, lifting him with one hand to get it on over his butt, which makes Viktor hiss.
“I know, V, I’m sorry,” Jayce whispers, rubbing Viktor’s hips once it was over.
They sit together for a few moments, Viktor waiting for the pain to subside and Jayce waiting for the go ahead to move again. Viktor’s stomach gives another loud groan, making Jayce snort.
“Shut up, I’ve been busy today,” Viktor says in an annoyed tone, pushing at Jayce’s face.
The other pouts up at Viktor, his hazel eyes going wide like a puppy’s.
“Cut it out. Take me to the food.”
Jayce salutes before gently lifting Viktor once more, carrying him to their couch. He settles the man down, wrapping one of his heated blankets around Viktor’s shoulders. Viktor melts into the warmth, feeling like a content cat. His eyes fall shut as he waits for food to be presented to him. He doesn’t wait long, the sound of bowls being set down comes mere moments after his eyes shut.
“Oh, mom says hello, by the way,” Jayce says, lifting Viktor’s legs and setting them in his lap.
“Oh, how … is she?” Viktor asks.
“She’s well, all things considered. The snow is pretty bad there too. She says the roads are a mess and she keeps looking out her window to make sure the people driving weren’t getting themselves hurt. She also kept telling me to make sure we left the water running in all the rooms at least a little so our pipes don’t burst-”
Viktor nods, grabbing his bowl as Jayce continues speaking.
“Hmm, unfortunate,” he responds when the other finally stops talking.
Jayce gives Viktor a small smile, the kind that indicates to Viktor that he was trying not to worry. “After all of that, she finally walked me through her soup recipe that you love. I wrote each step down so I can make it on my own next time. Honestly, I was surprised I was able to get through the entire two hour call without you calling for me.”
Viktor chokes on his bite of food. “T-two hours?”
Jayce nods slowly. “Yeah? I kinda figured you knew?”
Viktor shakes his head. Jayce shrugs as if to say, ‘well, what can you do?’ Viktor licks his teeth, letting the comment die. Instead, he shovels another bite into his mouth, focusing on the flavors of the soup. It wasn’t quite like the one Ximena made, but in some ways it was better because Jayce made it.
“How about a movie? We could watch something like Studio Ghibli?” Jayce offers, despite knowing what Viktor would request.
“Pan’s,” Viktor says simply.
Jayce nibbles his lip, but nods, grabbing the remote and turning the tv on. It doesn’t take long to find the film, saved to their recorded files. He hits play before trading the remote for his food, still rubbing at Viktor’s flesh as the movie begins. Viktor’s eyes train on the screen as he finishes his soup, pushing the bowl into Jayce’s hands for a refill at about the 15 minute mark. He keeps his bowl in his hands for another 40 minutes, pushing it into Jayce’s hands just as the Pale Man comes on screen. Jayce lets out a sigh of relief, gently moving Viktor’s legs as he gets up, staying in the kitchen for the entire six minute scene. Viktor couldn’t help the smirk, knowing how much Jayce hated the creature. The other returns as Ofelia is being scolded.
“Do you want to lay down, V?” Jayce asks, lingering behind the couch so as not to obstruct Viktor’s view of the screen.
“Yes.”
Jayce nods and pauses the movie before helping Viktor get turned around, head resting in Jayce’s lap. He wraps his arm around Viktor’s head, hand cushioning his thigh. Viktor holds onto Jayce’s wrist, tense for a few minutes. He breathes slowly, trying to relax his body again. Jayce reaches for the remote to the blanket, turning the heat up to help speed up the process. He waits until Viktor is once more lax to start the movie back up, not wanting his partner to miss even a moment of his favorite film. Viktor yawns softly, jaw popping, eyes watering a bit, sending the film into colorful, blurry stars. He blinks the stars away, though each one seems to get longer and longer, the Spanish growing fuzzy in his mind, to the point he’s not sure the words being spoken are even real. His thoughts start slipping between the sounds, drifting, loosening.
~
The lullaby was barely more than a whisper, but it slipped under Jayce’s ribs and cracked something open.
Fat tears slid down his cheeks before he even realized he was crying. Viktor lay curled in his lap, face finally smooth with sleep, and Jayce reached down with his free hand to push the hair from his eyes with trembling fingers, holding Viktor steady, holding himself together, failing at both.
He hadn’t understood how tightly he’d been wound these last few hours. Something about Viktor being safe and warm against him, something about the soft, circling melody and the way Viktor’s favorite movie always ended in both ruin and mercy: it all hit him at once, sharp and overwhelming and unbearably gentle.
His lip wobbles as he stares down at the other, feeling his warm breath against his wrist and the slight shifting of his body with each measured inhale and following exhale. His voice cracks as he hums along with the gentle lullaby, tracing his fingers over Viktor’s brow, down to his cheekbone, over his favorite beauty mark and to his plump lips. Then, back up to the start again. He traces the lines over and over, repeating the melody long after the screen had gone dark, leaving the only light to come from the little robot nightlight that sat on their kitchen counter. It was a trinket Viktor had made for Jayce on their first anniversary since he always tripped over himself in the darkness, waking Viktor.
From the darkness, Hex approaches the two, meowing softly before jumping up, curling beside Viktor, right on top of the heated blanket, effectively sealing all the warmth inside. Jayce smiles wetly at the small cat, who watches him with unblinking gold eyes. He lifts his hand from Viktor’s face to gently pet the cat. She begins to purr instantly, filing the silent stillness of the room. When her little eyes finally close, Jayce stops petting, lifting his hand to his lips as fresh tears make their way to the surface. He stares at the opposite wall as he cries, shoulders trembling slightly.
His grip tightened just a little on Viktor’s face, enough to make the other release a soft sound and shift in his hold. Jayce froze, breath caught, waiting for Viktor to sink back into the bliss of full sleep. When Viktor’s fingers curled faintly over his arm, an unconscious I’ve got you, Jayce let out a wet, shaky laugh, quiet enough not to disturb him.
He knew he’d have to wake Viktor eventually, get him into bed before tomorrow’s pain could carve him even deeper than today’s. But not yet. Not when Viktor was warm and safe and breathing steadily against him. Not when Jayce’s own chest still felt tight with everything he’d held back.
So he stayed there, letting Viktor rest while he cried out the day: the fear, the helplessness, the memory of almost losing him, the terror of ever losing him again. His tears fell silently, slipping down his jaw and into Viktor’s hair, and Jayce bowed his head over him, holding on as gently as he could.
He sniffles softly, squeezing his eyes shut for a few moments in hopes of tapering off the tears. It seemed, however, as if they weren’t ready to leave him be. So, he lets them keep falling, let’s the emotion swell in his chest. In the end, he is crying because he gets more time with Viktor, because he gets to be there for the good and the bad days, because Viktor was strong and still fighting everyday. He smiles down at his lover, pride blooming in his chest.
He wishes he was flexible enough to bend and kiss at Viktor’s slumbering face, wanting to bathe him in all the love he felt. He settles instead for touching the other’s face once more, tracing each spot he would kiss if he could. First, his favorite mole high on Viktor’s cheekbone, then the one above his lip. His lips themselves, between his thick brows, over the small scar between his eyes, his temple, his jaw, the hollow of his cheek, his chin, his throat, his hair — everywhere. Viktor pushes into the touch just a little, just like Hex had a tendency to do when she was bathed with such tender affection. It was ridiculous to Jayce how similar the two were, despite being of different species and only knowing one another for a few years.
The tears finally end, and Jayce takes a deep breath, settling into the warmth and stillness of their home. It wraps around him like a familiar hug, seeping into the cold, hollow edges that had cracked open with the memory of Viktor’s illness. He closes his eyes for a moment, letting the quiet settle in his chest. The clock above their dining room table ticks softly, marking the late hour. Jayce sighs and pushes Viktor’s hair back one more time.
“Alright, V,” he mutters, shifting around to try and get up.
Hex yawns beside him and hops off the couch, her tail flicking across Viktor’s face on the way down. Viktor’s eyes blink open, heavy with sleep, unfocused and slow.
“Eh?” he mumbles, not fully aware.
“It’s time for bed. I’m going to move, okay? Brace yourself,” Jayce warns gently, lifting Viktor’s head just enough to slide out from under him.
Viktor huffs out a breath, eyes falling shut again almost immediately. Jayce snorts under his breath and switches off the heated blanket before gathering Viktor into his arms. He lifts him carefully, walking through their home with quick, sure steps. Viktor shivers the moment Jayce lays him down, so Jayce pulls the comforter over him first, then adds another heated blanket on top. He tucks it around Viktor just so, turning it on and smoothing the fabric over his chest before heading to the bathroom for a quick shower.
When he returns, Hex is curled on Viktor’s pillow, just like every night, purring softly. Jayce pauses in the doorway, taking in the sight, warmth blooming in his chest. Then he climbs into bed, pulling the comforter over himself and drawing Viktor close, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.
“Good night, V.”