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Whenever Ilya leaves for an endorsement in another city and Shane is left home, he cleans. Thoroughly. There is one thing he's not allowed to touch. A box that Ilya brought into their home and never opened in Shane's presence. For the size of it, it's not that heavy. And his curiosity grows even more everytime Shane sees that box.
He ignores it and goes downstairs to clean the kitchen. He eats, he takes Anya out for a walk, he reads, he does his workout and, like that Chinese water drop torture, that box is still toying with his mind.
What on Earth can there be in that box that Ilya doesn't want Shane to see? Now he's growing suspicious.
After contemplating for hours and fidgeting and looking at the tv like he's seeing through it, Shane tells to himself "Fuck it, I'll just tape it back and he'll never know."
Anya runs after him cause she thinks it's playtime when he suddenly stands up from the couch and sprints upstairs.
"Let's see what Papa has in that box. Don't rat me out."
Shane knows a few things about how to open something that has scotch tape on it. He takes the blow dryer and warms the tape so it comes off easily without tearing the box.
Shane's mouth falls open. It's... clothes. And he recognizes those clothes. It's the t-shirt that Ilya wore when they went to his parents for the first time, back when Shane came out to his parents. The Boston Raiders logo doesn't look worn out and now when Shane rewinds, he realizes that he didn't see Ilya wear that t-shirt afterwards. It still smells like the laundry detergent from the cottage and Ilya.
He smiles and takes out another piece of clothing. It's the tank top that Ilya wore when Shane first told him that he likes him. Back in Tampa Bay. When he unfolds it, a small bottle falls from inside it. It's a bottle filled with sand.
Shane's vision gets blurry. It's most likely the sand from the beach in Tampa where their hands touched, out in the open but still looking over their shoulders. Ilya's romance will never cease to amaze Shane.
Still, the tears in his eyes don't stop Shane from taking out the next item — the jacket that Ilya was wearing when they had their first time. The one Shane held at his chest when he waited for Ilya to put his shoes on. It still faintly smells like both of them. And Ilya's cigarettes. Inside it, there's the shirt that he was wearing that night. The black shirt that Ilya once said he doesn't remember where it is. He knew where the shirt is, he just didn't want Shane to know.
Anya climbs into his lap in an attempt to soothe him cause now Shane clutches the shirt at his chest and sobbs into it like it's a long lost treasure that he has now rediscovered.
Oh, pants. Those pants that made Shane stare at Ilya's ass on that night. He shouldn't be surprised to find the wrapper of the condom inside the pants that he wore that night. But he is when surprisingly, the wrapper is not sticky, a sign that Ilya washed the lubricant inside it only to keep the wrapper.
"You romantic crazy man that I love." Shane chuckles into his tears and Anya wags her tail "yes, your Papa is insane and we love him"
Shane gets out something else and his brows furrow. "Oh my God" Ilya kept the sheets in which they first slept together. Like actually sleep. The sheets they woke up onto and from which Shane ran away after. "Good thing you didn't try to fit the couch in this box, lyubimyy" he laughs softly but inside him there's a dam that is threatening to break with more that he realizes these are things that Shane touched.
And Ilya kept them.
Anya stands on two feet, jumping to see what else is in the box. It's like Christmas, only, inside Shane's heart, is years of Christmases that he wished to spend with Ilya. He takes out another jacket. The one that Ilya wore in room 1410. They'll probably never forget that room. It's impossible. It was the beginning of their journey. Inside its chest pocket there's a small note that says "vesnushki 1410".
It makes Shane smile. Ilya once said that one of the reasons he loves Yuna and David is because they gave Shane freckles. He looks into the box and sees the water bottle from the gym. Ilya's water bottle. The one that Ilya "forced" Shane to drink more water from. He looks closely at it and his eyes fill with tears. His mad man put some kind of dust on it and wrapped it in plastic so it shows handprints.
Most likely, their handprints.
"Oh my God, I love you so much, you insane idiot." he shakes his head, taken aback by the intensity with which Ilya loves him. Loved him maybe from the first time.
The box is full of years of love, each one bringing memories at the surface.
A ticket from their first night together in a club as a couple. Ilya's plane ticket and Shane's plane ticket from the first time they traveled to play for the Centaurs. Ilya's gladiator costume. A recipe for 8 burgers — one that Shane didn't think to cut in half at the cottage. The cd of the Fifa Game they played at the cottage. A recipe for tuna melt. A ticket from a movie at which Ilya fell asleep and Shane pouted the whole way back home because of that. Ilya's old phones. A small bottle of the cologne that Shane used to wear when they first met — he can imagine Ilya smelling every cologne in fragrance stores to see if it fits. Ilya's plane ticket from when he flew to meet Shane at the cottage.
Shane brushes his fingers over their plastic toy rings and remembers how emotional Ilya was. How emotional they both were.
Anya chomps on the sheets that Shane left on the floor and drags them to play with them.
Shane warns her "Anya, no. They're dirty, it's gross." Although, they smell clean.
"Anya, sit. Tsk, you're just like your-" his sentence is left unfinished when from between the sheets, an empty can of ginger ale rattles on the floor.
He grabs it. Rolled inside it and a bit left outside, there's a note.
It's written in Russian and Shane smiles, glad that he finally knows Russian well enough to read it.
"Hi, Shane. I'll write this in Russian cause I'm too much of a chicken to write it in English. I just hope you'll try to translate it. I know this is not the best idea to tell you how I feel and I know I'm bad at communicating but I think... no, I know I love you. I'm sorry. I love you so much that just the thought of you spending an entire day with me makes me too emotional and I'm afraid I'll be awkward and won't know how to act around you. I'm sorry if I'm not the man you want and I'm sorry I fell in love. I tried not to but you're... you. It was always you. My first love. I'm sorry. I don't know how you'll feel when you'll see this but I hope you'll forgive me if I said something that I shouldn't have. I hope that after you find this note in the pocket of your jacket, you'll still want to see me. As Ilya. Your Ilya. If you'll want me. Please."
The dam breaks. Between tears that stain the paper in his hands, he re-reads "Your Ilya. If you'll want me. Please."
"I'm sorry" Shane chokes on his tears "I'm really sorry. God I wish I wasn't that scared. I'm sorry." He remembers how he left in a hurry and Ilya never got to put this note in his jacket.
"I love you, my Ilya. I'm sorry." Shane lets himself lie on the floor, knees tucked at his chest and bringing all the things closer to him, clothes and all. He holds the note dearly at his chest.
He's so lost and feels so guilty for what he's made Ilya go through back then that he doesn't even realize that Anya left the room.
"I love you too, my Shane. I knew you're going to discover those one day." Ilya wanted to surprise Shane so he came home earlier than expected.
Shane lifts himself, startled by Ilya's voice and ashamed that he was caught "I'm sorry. Why are you home earlier?"
Ilya comes closer and sits on the floor with Shane. He chuckles and wipes Shane's tears "Heey, don't be. You want me to leave so you can put the things back in the box and pretend you didn't see them?"
"Yes." Shane pouts and sniffles.
"Only if you gimme kiss and smile at me."
Shane kisses him, a small salty kiss and then smiles only with his teeth. Rather forced and a bit creepy, almost like a snarl.
"Okay, that's scary. Show me smile from when you said "See you in October."
And then Shane smiles at him, that same boyish smile that made Ilya's knees weaker than the hockey game did that day. Shane beat him that day, but as a secret, Ilya would let him beat his team over and over only for that smile.
"You smell good." Shane lets himself slide lower in Ilya's arms, his face hidden at his chest.
Ilya leans and presses a kiss on Shane's forehead "what do I smell like?"
"Like love."