Chapter Text
Kim Dokja never meant to start this “companions with benefits” thing with Yoo Joonghyuk. After all, who in their right mind would choose to do it with their long-time favorite character? If anything, the only thing he should focus on is how he could save Yoo Joonghyuk and the whole company. He doesn’t have the time for this. Rather, he shouldn’t even have the time for it.
But Yoo Joonghyuk, that bastard of a man, despite saying he hated romance and anything related to it, especially in scenarios and apocalypses, actually offered to do it with him, just to relieve himself. The bastard said that he was damn sure that Kim Dokja needed one too, seeing as how he and Yoo Sangah almost kissed while they were drunk.
It was one time, one time, and he didn’t even mean to kiss her. It was the drink and Dionysus.
In the end, with his probably unconscious desire to try to have the man, he agreed to have sex from time to time. Of course, it still didn’t stop him from thinking, why him? He had Lee Seolhwa, and there were other women in the company. If he wanted to try men, he could’ve chosen Lee Hyunsung as well. It’s not like they were strangers anyway.
Lee Seolhwa was there too. They’d been together for what? Once? Twice? It would’ve been easier for him to be with Lee Seolhwa and do it with her than with a stranger like him. But then again, maybe Yoo Joonghyuk was afraid to knock her up again or fall in love again with her when he already lost her twice?
But because he’s a coward and he wasn’t the type to pry into Yoo Joonghyuk’s past, he never asked him about it. Whatever his reasons are, it wouldn’t matter now. After all, they’re still companions. It’s just that they’ll be having sex from now on. It’s no big deal, isn’t it?
“Should we have a barbecue party tonight?” Jung Heewon grinned. Han Sooyoung, who was just near them, acted as if her illusory cat ears perked up, grinning as wide as Jung Heewon.
“With soju?”
“With soju.” Jung Heewon agreed. With a shriek, Han Sooyoung lifted her arms and high-fived Jung Heewon.
“You get me, you get me!”
In the end, with most of the members agreeing with the sudden suggestion, Yoo Joonghyuk had no choice but to cook barbecue for everyone. Meanwhile, he and Lee Hyunsung went to look for soju that’s still safe to drink so that they won’t spend unnecessarily. The kids, being underage, will be separated from them but still get food, of course.
“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Kim Dokja murmured.
“You mean drinking?”
“Yeah.” Kim Dokja nodded. “I mean, who knows if a scenario or something suddenly pops up?” Recently, they’ve been coming across more and more scenarios that he hasn’t even read in the novel. If they come across something very unpredictable and hard to finish, it would be troublesome, wouldn’t it?
“I understand the sentiment, Dokja-ssi. However, we only do this once in a while, no? I think there’s nothing wrong with letting loose from time to time. Besides, not everyone will be drinking themselves to sleep. And please consider this a reward for everyone’s hard work.”
Kim Dokja sighed. “Fine, if you say so.” Then, he held up a plastic bag full of soju bottles. In return, Lee Hyunsung grinned at him, also holding the same.
Not long after everyone started drinking, the kids were sent to sleep by Lee Seolhwa. She said that she didn’t need to drink so much and that a bottle would be enough for her. Han Sooyoung, Jung Heewon, and Yoo Sangah had this game going that had them drink 6 bottles that Han Sooyoung passed out from the dizziness. Jung Heewon lasted a bit longer, while Yoo Sangah was still up. Even going as far as taking the two somewhere to sleep properly.
Kim Dokja grimaced and thought about how it’s probably because of the company celebration parties—where they have to drink everything that their superiors offered, or else they’d be considered disrespectful—that they had to keep attending. And since Yoo Sangah is a woman, Kim Dokja was sure that she had it even rougher than him.
Suddenly, Kim Dokja heard Lee Hyunsung urging Gong Pildu to stand up and stop drinking already. Not wanting to argue even more, Gong Pildu actually stood up and walked with Lee Hyunsung. Lee Hyunsung only waved his hands at them and signalled that they’ll go to sleep. Kim Dokja smiled and nodded.
“Aren’t you going to sleep too?” Kim Dokja looked at Yoo Joonghyuk, who was beside him, still drinking. His cheeks weren’t flushed, but the tips of his ears and neck gave him away.
He’s drunk, isn’t he?
“Not yet.” Yoo Joonghyuk answered him.
Kim Dokja only hummed, drinking one more time before standing up. “Well, I’m going to sleep for—” He hadn’t even finished speaking when Yoo Joonghyuk held his hand and pulled him down to his lap.
“W-wha—” Yoo Joonghyuk held his jaw and kissed him roughly. In panic, he hit Yoo Joonghyuk’s back for air and for him to let go. Seriously, what if the company sees this?
He didn’t care about the constellations since they’ve long known what they were doing. Of course, when really doing it, they’d ask Biyoo to stream something different, or maybe direct the camera to other people instead.
“Yoo Joonghyuk!” Kim Dokja sighed and pushed himself up and away from Yoo Joonghyuk’s lap. “Not here, alright?”
With nothing to say, Yoo Joonghyuk held his wrist and dragged him to their usual place. It wasn’t anything grand. But it had enough space for them to move freely and sleep til the next morning.
Kim Dokja removed his coat, helping Yoo Joonghyuk with his too. “You’re drunk, are you sure?”
Yoo Joonghyuk responded a little too quickly, “No. I’m not drunk.” It made Kim Dokja chuckle.
“You’re drunk. You’re clearly flushed, and your words are slurring. Do you think I didn’t notice how hard you were trying not to sway and stumble while you’re walking?”
“No.” Yoo Joonghyuk refused as if Kim Dokja just didn’t point out all the facts about him being drunk, stubbornly denying, and then even had the audacity to project his drunkness onto him. “You’re drunk too.”
“I’m not. I have my skills.”
“Liar.”
“Whatever you say.”
Yoo Joonghyuk held him close, lightly kissing him. While Kim Dokja wrapped his arms around Yoo Joonghyuk’s neck. “You taste like soju.”
“And you do too, dumbass. I mean, we drank so—”
“Shut up.”
Everything after that was a blur to Kim Dokja. In a blink, they were tangled on the sheets, him clutching whatever he touches, Yoo Joonghyuk inside him, moving as if they just hadn’t had sex the other day, him trying to stay quiet, while Yoo Joonghyuk encourages him to be loud.
He turns red even more from the loud noises, afraid that someone would hear the filthy noises they were making. But clearly, he was the only one who was concerned about it. The bastard, being drunk and everything, obviously doesn’t care whether someone hears or sees them. He just wanted to rail Kim Dokja without a care in the world, didn’t he?
“Yoo-Yoo Joonghyuk, fuck, I’m-I’m too full—”
Ignoring him, Yoo Joonghyuk slid his hands under Kim Dokja’s knees and pressed him even more, going deeper as if he wasn’t deep enough. “Joonghyuk! Joonghyuk! Fuck—ah!”
Tears fell from his eyes, opening his mouth, trying to breathe without screaming. “Ah—ack!”
“Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay.”
“You’re too deep—!” Kim Dokja cried, clawing at Yoo Joonghyuk’s back. In response, Yoo Joonghyuk only groaned, still clearly liking the pain in his back and shoulders.
It was too much. Even when drunk, Yoo Joonghyuk was still a different kind of monster in bed. Worst is, he could barely even talk to him because of how intoxicated the other was. At the same time, how could he even when Yoo Joonghyuk was determined not to make him speak at all and just make him scream for the rest of the night? In a sense, right now, he was just a fucktoy to Yoo Joonghyuk.
Kim Dokja really couldn’t breathe, with Yoo Joonghyuk fucking him hard, his hands on Kim Dokja’s neck, and mouthing at his jaws—
“Yoo—”
“Seol—”
Kim Dokja’s eyes widened, unconsciously holding Yoo Joonghyuk’s hands and wrist on his neck. He wanted Yoo Joonghyuk to let go and ask him if he heard it right. When he looked at Yoo Joonghyuk, he was biting his lips, confirming everything.
He held on to Yoo Joonghyuk’s hands and cried, as if it was the feeling of getting fucked was the one that was making him cry. He wanted to laugh, too, and he wanted to ask.
All this time, what were you thinking?
All this time, were you secretly imagining that I was Lee Solhwa?
This time, are you thinking about her too?
Were you secretly wishing, hoping, that I was Lee Seolhwa instead?
Kim Dokja had never wished for this to end sooner.
He never thought that there’d come a day that he’d wish he had never held Yoo Joonghyuk at all.
And he never thought that there’d come a day he’d regret all that they did.
Kim Dokja didn’t get a wink of sleep that night. He just lay down, sometimes looking at Yoo Joonghyuk, trying to know if he could still look at the other man the same way. But the way his lips quivered, and the way his tears threatened to well up, said everything he had to know.
Then, when morning came, Kim Dokja got out of bed, dressed himself, and cleaned up as if nothing had happened. That’s what he’s good at, isn’t he? Pretending like nothing ever happened, covering up, and then running away.
He went back to his own tent, staring blankly at the ceiling until he fell asleep.
After a few hours, he woke up and went to find a nearby bathroom. If there wasn’t anything that worked, maybe he could just travel and look for a lake where he could be alone with his thoughts. To be honest, he doesn’t have the courage to face everyone yet, especially Yoo Joonghyuk. Not when he hasn’t cleaned himself yet. Not when he feels dirty.
Standing in front of a nearby bathroom, he thought about how he couldn’t shower in here either. So he decided to go to a nearby secluded lake; at least, he could take his time going back, right? Maybe that way, he’d finally have the courage to face the whole company and keep his act up. And maybe then, he wouldn’t feel as pathetic as right now.
He wanted to slap himself with the truth. Why should he feel like this when Yoo Joonghyuk and him aren't even in a serious kind of relationship? In the first place, their only agreement was to have sex for relief. So if Yoo Joonghyuk found some relief by having sex while thinking of Lee Seolhwa, it doesn’t defeat the main purpose of becoming companions with benefits, doesn’t it?
“Ah, fuck. This is so…” He pressed his hands on his face and laughed weakly.
After taking his time bathing, he dressed up and called Biyoo. Without saying anything, he hugged Biyoo, who seemed taken aback. Then, all of a sudden, messages came flooding in.
[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ asks if something good has happened.]
[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ retracts her question.]
[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ asks why the constellation ‘Demon King of Salvation’ looks like he cried.]
[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ asks why the constellation ‘Demon King of Salvation’ looks down and pale.]
[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ asks if the constellation ‘Demon King of Salvation’ has eaten yet.]
[The constellation ‘Prisoner of the Golden Headband’ asks the constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ to let the incarnation ‘Kim Dokja’ speak.]
[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ apologizes and says that the constellation ‘Demon King of Salvation’ is not being pressured to tell.]
“Uriel,” Kim Dokja looked up and breathed out before smiling. “It’s okay. Just feeling a bit under the weather.”
[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ says she understands.]
[The constellation ‘Prisoner of the Golden Headband’ suggests the incarnation ‘Kim Dokja’ to rest.]
“It’s fine. I’ve rested enough. This’ll go in a few hours.”
Even though Kim Dokja already reassured Uriel and Sun Wukong, he knew that he couldn’t fool them unless he got back his usual aura of being ready to swindle at any time. He could even sense Biyoo’s worries towards him. It was understandable since Biyoo didn’t have any knowledge of what had happened the night before.
[The constellation ‘Secretive Plotter’ asks if you are truly alright.]
He paused and then stared at the message. “Of course.”
And when silence came after his response, he figured that maybe Secretive Plotter knew something. He was a questionable being after all. It wouldn’t all be that surprising if he knew. Still, he chooses to keep his mouth shut.
When Kim Dokja came back to the complex, he tried to act normally. Talking to everyone he needed to talk to, scrolling through his phone to review the scenarios and plans he had made, going around and walking or buying things, but it wasn’t like the company was blind. They felt like something was up. No, they knew something was up.
Because normally, Kim Dokja would pester Yoo Joonghyuk at least once a day, especially when they’re together. But this time, it felt like Kim Dokja was avoiding Yoo Joonghyuk. It didn’t help that even Yoo Joonghyuk’s expression also gave it away. Especially when it felt like Kim Dokja was deliberately avoiding looking at him, too.
“Sooyoung-ssi, I think you should talk to Dokja-ssi or Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi?” Yoo Sangah whispered, obviously worried about the two.
“Come on, it’s probably not that serious. I mean, they already did this countless times, so…” Jung Heewon chimed in, making Yoo Sangah shake her head.
“I know they always fight, but I don’t think I’ve seen Dokja-ssi avoid looking at Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi. If anything, he would’ve rolled his eyes at him or maybe glared.” Yoo Sangah answered.
Han Sooyoung nodded, agreeing with Yoo Sangah. As much as she wanted to brush this matter off as a simple disagreement or fight between the two, she, too, hadn’t remembered a time when Kim Dokja avoided looking at Yoo Joonghyuk. Because at this point, it just seemed like he was pretending that Yoo Joonghyuk wasn’t even there. What’s more, he hasn’t even mentioned Yoo Joonghyuk’s name even once, when all Kim Dokja does is talk about Yoo Joonghyuk if he had the chance.
Now, if that doesn’t scream ‘something’s wrong’, then what is?
“Well, alright. Yoo Sangah’s right, something’s clearly wrong, so—” When she turned to look at Kim Dokja, the man was already gone, which made her wince. “Seriously, that slippery bastard. Already gone before I could even ask.”
Sighing, he turned to look at Yoo Joonghyuk, who was looking somewhere. Probably the direction Kim Dokja ran off to. But it’s not like she cares about that right now.
“Yoo Joonghyuk,” She called out. “What happened last night?”
“We got drunk,” He answered simply.
“Well, thank you for stating the obvious that we all got drunk last night. I mean, what else happened because clearly, if nothing did, you and that squid wouldn’t act like this.” She crossed her arms and tapped her feet in annoyance and impatience with Yoo Joonghyuk’s answer.
It’s not like she’ll try to solve this on her own. It’s just that she knew that both of these bastards can’t do anything on their own. If no one were to push them to talk to each other, God knows how long this would last, and it would completely disrupt the company’s balance and teamwork. And they clearly can’t have that, especially when those two are their cores. As much as it pains her to think and even say it, they’d be dead without those two. So at the very least, if something like this happens, she wanted to help them get back on track.
“So?”
“I don’t remember anything. We had sex last night, and that’s it.”
“Wow, TMI, what the fuck. Not what I really needed to know, but anyway, maybe you did something wrong last night. Try to rack your brain about it while I talk to the squid.”
“Alright. Tell me about it later.”
“Why don’t you go ask him yourself then?” Han Sooyoung turned her back on him and shrugged. “You guys need to learn how to talk, seriously.”
Without waiting for Yoo Joonghyuk’s response, she started walking off to look for Kim Dokja.
And once she found Kim Dokja, she chose not to beat around the bush. “Alright, ugly squid. Tell me what happened last night.” Kim Dokja was about to open his mouth, obviously going to deny and pretend that nothing happened, but Han Sooyoung immediately cut him off. “And don’t even think about giving me the ‘nothing happened?’ crap because clearly, something did. Want me to enumerate my observations, or you’ll confess already?”
Han Sooyoung didn’t really want to force him to talk since it could have been something too painful for him to talk about. But if this continues, not only their relationships will be on the line, but their lives too. No one knows if they’re near the end, but even if it’s not, they don’t have the time to let their relationships and dynamics be destroyed because of a fight or whatever. So if it could be resolved through talking, it was better to do it now than later.
Kim Dokja’s face contorted into a complicated expression. Like he’s hurt, and that it was so difficult to say for whatever reason. Gripping his own hands, he opened his mouth and told Han Sooyoung everything that happened.
Han Sooyoung held her mouth. “Well, shit.” She pressed her lips into a thin line before biting the inside of her lips. Being honest, at first she thought that Yoo Joonghyuk was just joking or maybe dreaming about him and Kim Dokja having sex, but she didn’t think that it was really happening and serious. She doesn’t know if they’re just being cautious about it, so they wouldn’t get caught, or if it's that she didn’t believe it would happen, and her denseness just mixed with it. Either way, the matter was serious.
If it were her, she would’ve smacked the shit out of Yoo Joonghyuk, but she’s not Kim Dokja, and Kim Dokja isn’t her. Obviously, it’d be useless to say that.
“I know he’s a bastard, but not to this extent.” Han Sooyoung pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “Alright, so what do you plan on doing now? You know you can’t avoid him forever, right?”
“I know.”
“I’m not gonna nag you anymore because I just know nagging you now would be useless, and you probably know what I’m gonna nag you about, but you need to settle this matter immediately. It’s not easy, but you can’t run away forever from it, can you?”
“I think you’re nagging me right now…”
“Oh, shut up.”
Han Sooyoung exhaled loudly and ran her fingers through her hair, standing up and preparing to leave, when Kim Dokja went silent, staring at her.
“What is it, you weirdo?”
“Thanks.” He blurts out, “Really, thanks.”
“If you’re thankful, then go talk with the other bastard.” She popped open a lemon candy before finally walking away.
Kim Dokja wanted another day to prepare himself for the conversation he and Yoo Joonghyuk will be having, but he knows that there’s not enough time to drag this out.
“Can we talk?”
Nodding, Kim Dokja signalled Yoo Joonghyuk with his head to come and follow him. And without saying anything, Yoo Joonghyuk followed him somewhere secluded.
Yoo Joonghyuk sighed. “You’ve been avoiding me.”
“Indeed, I am.” Kim Dokja admitted. There was no use pretending that he wasn’t. After all, his goal now wasn't to mend his relationship with Yoo Joonghyuk—
“The agreement,” Kim Dokja started, curling his fists. “Let’s end it.”
—but to end it.
“What?”
“The—companions with benefits, the sex, whatever you call it—let’s…let’s stop it.”
As always, Yoo Joonghyuk held a complicated expression—it was something Kim Dokja couldn’t describe. Rather, he refuses to describe it.
“Is it because we’re not officially lovers? Someone from the company caught us? Did something happen that night?” Yoo Joonghyuk asked, hurriedly. “Or have you found my replacement?”
Kim Dokja wanted to laugh, but a scoff was the only thing he could do right now. “Shouldn’t I be the one asking that?”
“What?” Yoo Joonghyuk looked visibly confused, but Kim Dokja didn’t bother explaining what he meant.
“Look, Yoo Joonghyuk, there’s no reason for us to stay together any longer. Besides, we agreed we could break this up anytime we wanted, right?”
“If there’s an explanation!” Yoo Joonghyuk shouted, clearly starting to get frustrated. “Kim Dokja, I don’t understand why you’re suddenly like this. We’re just fine the other night weren’t we?”
“And that could change at any moment. Just because we’re fine the other night doesn’t mean that we’re fine right now, or we’ll be fine for the coming days.”
“So you’re saying that we aren’t fine right now, is that it?”
“Yes!” Kim Dokja exclaimed.
“Then tell me the reason why!” Yoo Joonghyuk started to move closer to him, only for him to take a step back, which made Yoo Joonghyuk stop, visibly shocked by the man. “Kim Dokja…”
Of course, Yoo Joonghyuk would be shocked. After all, it was the first time Kim Dokja acted as if Yoo Joonghyuk was some kind of a threat right now. He never avoided the man like this unless Yoo Joonghyuk was seriously pissed off at him or was out to kill him.
But before Yoo Joonghyuk could even ask, Kim Dokja cut him off. “Why won’t you even agree? I don’t love you, and you don’t love me either.”
What a sickening lie. It wasn’t enough that he lied to Yoo Joonghyuk, but he even lied to himself. If he could laugh, he would’ve laughed right then and there. Because, contrary to what he said, from the very first day, he knew he loved Yoo Joonghyuk in all forms of love. In his life, where all he had was TWSA, Yoo Joonghyuk was the only character and now, person that he stuck with and fell in love with.
TWSA and Yoo Joonghyuk were the reasons he lived through the bullshit in his life. And now that the words ‘I don’t love you’ were coming out of his mouth felt like his heart was being torn apart. He badly wanted to take it back, tell Yoo Joonghyuk that it was a lie, that he didn’t mean to say it. That he just wanted to end their relationship because he still had Lee Seolhwa in his heart, and he couldn’t bear the thought of that.
“You may not love me…” Yoo Joonghyuk took a step closer, reaching out his hand to him. “But I do.”
Kim Dokja’s heart dropped. “Lies.”
“You’re lying.” Kim Dokja took a step back. He didn’t know whether he should laugh or maybe start to cry. He doesn’t even know what expression he’s wearing right now. All he knew was that his heart felt heavier than before and that the lump in his throat started to hurt even more.
Even breathing was starting to get hard, so he just wanted to start screaming at Yoo Joonghyuk.
“I’m not lying.”
“No, you—you don’t love me. You’re just saying that because you don’t want this to end—”
“Kim Dokja!”
“—you’re just saying that because you feel bad for me. You’re just saying that because of whatever we’re doing.”
“Stop deciding for me!”
“I’m not deciding for you!”
“Then what is it you’re doing? Are you stating the obvious? The facts? From what? For that damn novel about us that you’ve been reading for years?” Yoo Joonghyuk slid his hands on his face, frustrated. “Kim Dokja, for fuck’s sake, I—I’m not that man anymore! I’m here, I’m real, and so are my feelings! If I tell you that I love you, then I really do! I don’t fucking want anyone else but you!”
Kim Dokja wanted to believe Yoo Joonghyuk; he really does. If he hadn’t accidentally mentioned Lee Seolhwa’s name that night, he would’ve allowed himself to believe this and be fooled. He would’ve accepted this. He would’ve told Yoo Joonghyuk that he loved him too, even if it wasn’t the same for the other.
“Stop it. Stop fooling yourself. Stop fooling both of us.” Kim Dokja steadied himself on a nearby tree. “I’ll help you get back with Lee Seolhwa. Fair right? No one knows we did it, and I won’t tell Lee Seolhwa either, so it’s your choice if you tell her eventually.”
He avoided Yoo Joonghyuk’s gaze.
“What the fuck, Kim Dokja? Why do you even keep mentioning her? Why are you so insistent on pushing me to her? I just fucking told you I don’t want anyone but you! Are you pretending like you didn’t hear me?” Yoo Joonghyuk scoffed. “And you’re even willing to pretend that nothing happened between us? Are you serious?”
“I am!” Kim Dokja suddenly shouted. “If I am, so what?! Fuck, I knew I wouldn’t be able to replace her, but you didn’t have to rub it in my face that you still can’t forget her!”
“What—what the fuck does that mean?” Yoo Joonghyuk’s voice shook. His face never changed. Still frowning, but it was obvious that he was still confused about everything that was going on.
He didn’t want to say it, he really didn’t. But what choice does he have now when it has already slipped out of his mouth?
“That night, you almost called me Seolhwa. I—all this time, did you keep thinking that I was her? Is that the reason why you aren’t vocal? Because you’re afraid that you’d call me by her name instead of mine? God, fuck you, Yoo Joonghyuk! You—you’re such a real asshole!” Kim Dokja laughed, but in the end, he failed to keep that demeanor when tears started to fall from his eyes.
And not even a minute had passed, he was already bawling his eyes out.
Yoo Joonghyuk was stunned.
“What, are you re-really that surprised?”
“Kim Dokja, I didn’t—I didn’t mean to. I was drunk.” Yoo Joonghyuk went closer and held his arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know, I swear, I—”
“Don’t touch me,” Kim Dokja squirmed, prying Yoo Joonghyuk’s hand away from him. “God, you—you make me feel so dirty.”
Not wanting to trigger the man even more, Yoo Joonghyuk let him be; still, he stayed close. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call you that. I was really drunk, I don’t remember everything I said, but I swear, I wasn’t thinking of her—I don’t think of her when we do it, and I don’t think of you as her replacement.” Yoo Joonghyuk babbled.
To Kim Dokja, it felt like nothing more than empty apologies and excuses.
“Dokja, please believe me.”
Kim Dokja didn’t say anything and slowly passed by Yoo Joonghyuk. He trembled. He felt so weak that even his knees wanted to give up. So he felt the need to go. Because if he didn’t, he might just believe in Yoo Joonghyuk again.
“Dokja!” Yoo Joonghyuk called. He sounded desperate. “Dokja, please!”
“Goodbye, Yoo Joonghyuk.”
“Wait, hey, hey.” Han Sooyoung grabbed his arm to stop him from packing up. “What are you doing? Where are you going?”
“Sorry, Sooyoung.” He held her hand and removed it from his arm before resuming packing. “I’ll be in the underworld for a bit. If a scenario appears, I’ll come back. Or you can just message me, then I’ll tell you what to prepare or do—”
“Hey, hey! Kim Dokja!” Han Sooyoung forcibly stopped him and turned him around to face her. Looking at Kim Dokja, his eyes were red and a bit puffy; he looked pale and gaunt as well. “Calm down, what’s going on?”
“We talked. We talked, and that’s it.” Kim Dokja’s voice broke, which made Han Sooyoung frown, still confused about what’s going on because honestly, she might as well be panicking now, because why in the actual fuck is Kim Dokja packing up if he and Yoo Joonghyuk only talked?
“You know that’s not what I’m asking for, Kim Dokja. I mean, you and Yoo Joonghyuk talked, that’s great—that’s…new. But that’s not the point, I mean that if you guys talked, then why the hell are you packing up?” Han Sooyoung hurriedly asked, “Was Yoo Joonghyuk’s reason that much of an asshole? Was Yoo Joonghyuk really cheating on you?”
“It’s not—” Kim Dokja felt like he was choking on his own spit. Still, he talked. Because at the very least, one of them, especially Han Sooyoung, should know something. “That’s not it…he told me he couldn’t remember because he was drunk and the conversation—I don’t know, I don’t remember. It just suddenly—all of a sudden, he was telling me that he really loved me. That everything we did…to him, it was genuine.”
Kim Dokja sobbed, “Sooyoung, he said he loved me.”
Han Sooyoung’s hold on him faltered. But she never let go of him and instead, pulled him into a hug. “Then why? I would’ve—You know, I would’ve believed him. I would’ve told him that I loved him too, but getting called by a name that I know he once cherished so much actually fucking hurts!”
“Yeah, yeah, I know you would’ve. I can’t say anything about Yoo Joonghyuk, other than he’s such a fucking asshole for that, but… are you not really going to give him any chance?” Han Sooyoung quickly patted his back, along with a hurried clarification. “I’m not defending him or whatever, okay? It’s just…I don’t want anything to happen to either of you. Especially you. You’re—you’re a walking disaster and just the thought of you leaving our sights…”
“Sorry, Sooyoung, but I really want to get away at least for a while. I…I’ll come back, I promise. Just…I just need some space.”
“Alright. Just tell me if you need anything, or when you’re coming back. Whatever happens to you, you have to tell me, alright?”
Kim Dokja laughed, wiping his tears, voice raspy. “Are you really that worried about me?”
“Of course, you dumbass.”
Kim Dokja smiled. It was the kind of smile that Han Sooyoung hated. She wanted to stop him right there and then because that was the kind of smile he always gave when he was about to do something stupid. To show his genuine smile because he’s thankful for them or whatever, but Han Sooyoung never needed that. No one ever did. Because what they wanted was for Kim Dokja to live. To stay with them forever.
But she couldn’t help but trust Kim Dokja. Because even though he’s such an idiot at times, he was still someone she could trust. Someone she could put her trust in.
This time, she just wanted to believe that he would come back. This time, he really just needed space. That he won’t do anything stupid. That he won’t die and leave them alone.
Kim Dokja wouldn’t, right?
“Bye, Sooyoung-ah. Thanks for everything.”
Han Sooyoung bit the inside of her lip, stopping herself from saying ‘don’t leave.’
Instead, she didn’t.
“Yeah, see you.”
Two weeks after Kim Dokja arrived in the underworld, quite a few things happened. Yoo Joonghyuk sent him messages every day. It was full of apologies, random things that Yoo Joonhghyuk wouldn’t normally tell, I miss yous, and then…I love yous.
At some point, he stopped reading Yoo Joonghyuk’s messages. He didn’t want to see any more of it, especially when he didn’t know if the man was truly genuine or not, but what’s the point of contemplating it if he wouldn’t even talk to the man?
Besides Yoo Joonghyuk’s matters, he started to feel weird as well. To be more specific, it was his stomach that felt weird. He dismissed the feeling, thinking that maybe he was just having a funny stomach. But four weeks into the underworld, his stomach started to get bloated. He started gaining weight, too.
At first, he thought that maybe it was because Persephone and Hades had been feeding him a lot after coming down, but deep inside, he knew that it wasn’t the reason why. Nausea, weight gain, bigger stomach—pregnancy. He must be pregnant.
He knew it wasn’t impossible, seeing as how Han Myungoh got pregnant with Asmodeus, but he and Yoo Joonghyuk were nothing like Asmodeus. Maybe him, but he was the one getting—well, that’s about it. That was the point. Maybe it really does go both ways.
With a heavy heart, he went to meet both Persephone and Hades.
“I think I’m pregnant…”
“Wonderful news!” Persephone beamed, clapping. But Hades stayed silent, remembering the reason why Kim Dokja’s been down in the Underworld for weeks now.
“Is it that bastard’s child?”
“I think so, yes.” Kim Dokja answered. “He’s the only one that I…you know.”
Hades sighed while Persephone patted his back. “Come on, now.”
“Do you plan to keep it?”
Kim Dokja looked down, his expression morphing into something screaming that he can’t, he couldn’t. Not now or ever. He knows he isn’t his father, but still, they’re the same blood. How can he be sure he won’t end up like his bastard of a father?
He knows that so far, he’s doing well with the other kids, but he knows that it’s probably because they weren’t from him—because it’s always been easier to care for others he came to cherish rather than his own biological family—so who knows what would happen if this time, it came from him?
“Dokja,” He looked up at Persephone, who was now kneeling in front of him, holding his hands.
She smiled, the kind that he wished he’d see again from his biological mother.
“I’m confident you’ll do great.” She caressed his cheeks, wiping the cold sweat out of his face in the process. “You’re not your…father. Besides, you have a lot of people beside you—you have us, and you still have your mother. Everyone will be willing to help.”
With Persephone and Hades’ help, he only experienced little to no hardships. He even reconciled with his mother along the way. Their relationship now wasn’t the best, nor was it like in the past. But still, it was better than nothing.
His cravings and morning sickness were always monitored by Persephone and Hades, with Lee Sookyung sometimes taking over. Whenever he wanted something, they’d be prepared to give it to him. But sometimes, when he wakes up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep, he couldn’t help but think about how it would feel with Yoo Joonghyuk beside him—how it would feel if Yoo Joonghyuk were the one taking care of them instead.
Being honest, he missed Yoo Joonghyuk too. He missed Yoo Joonghyuk’s meals and probably the way he nagged and scolded him about eating. Now, he couldn’t help but think, would Yoo Joonghyuk be more of a nag now that he’s pregnant? What if he didn’t leave the complex? What if he didn’t leave Yoo Joonghyuk, and he chose to believe him? What would it be like if they found out if he’s pregnant?
“It would’ve been nice, isn’t it?”
A few months later, Rayeon was born. The first time Kim Dokja held her, he nearly burst into tears. Not from happiness but worry whether he’ll be able to take care of her and love her.
“You can.” Lee Sookyung pulled him into a hug. “I know you can do it. Because I’m the one who raised you. You resemble me, and me alone. You never took anything from that bastard.”
With Rayeon in his arms, he gripped Lee Sookyung’s sleeves and cried to her.
It didn’t take long for them to notice his slow recovery. Rather than calling it as it is, it was more accurate to say that his health and body showed signs of deterioration. He’d been warned that there was a possibility of this happening, but he didn’t mind at all. He wanted to give birth to Rayeon.
In time, he knew that he’d die soon, but he never told anyone. He acted like everything was alright. That everything is fine and that it’s just normal since he just gave birth for the very first time, of course, his body would still be new to it and would have a hard time adjusting. Thankfully, his parents bought it and let him go back to his companions to pay a visit and, of course, introduce Rayeon to them.
Besides his parents, he wanted the members to take care of Rayeon just in case he died. He doesn’t want to leave Rayeon all alone. And most importantly, he wanted Rayeon to know everything about him, have people tell her about him, and have them tell her that he really loved her. That no matter what happens to him, it wasn’t her fault at all.
If anything, he’d be the one to blame.
Rayeon was the best thing that happened to him. How can he even blame this lovable child? It was his and Yoo Joonghyuk’s, most importantly. And she’s like Biyoo too. Quiet, never gave him a hard time, and easy to please. Although it was a bit concerning, maybe she just took it from him. Even Lee Sookyung said that he was like this when he was little, too.
“Papa,” Rayeon called out. Kim Dokja was currently reading a bedtime story to her. Just ike him, Rayeon liked listening to stories too. It didn’t matter if the stories kept repeating. In a way, he thinks that maybe Rayeon just liked these kinds of moments with him, which made him really happy.
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Where do babies come from?” Kim Dokja winced, chuckling awkwardly.
“Mm…sweetie, I think you’re too young to know about that. Why? Do you want a baby sibling already?”
“No…just curious.”
“Then…uhm…when two people fall in love deeply and get married, they’ll have a baby afterwards! When you get a bit older, that’s when Papa will tell you more about it, okay?” Kim Dokja ruffled Rayeon’s hair, chuckling.
But then, Rayeon sat up and sighed. “Then…Papa, why is Daddy not here if you loved each other enough to have me?”
Kim Dokja blinked and nervously laughed, holding Rayeon’s cheeks. “Sweetie, what do you mean?”
Kim Dokja could feel his lips and throat going dry, his heart starting to thump faster. He knew where this conversation was going, but he wasn’t prepared for this yet. He knew that someday, Rayeon would start to ask questions, but not this early.
“If you and Daddy Joonghyuk really loved each other, why’s he not here? No, Papa, why did you leave him in the first place? Did he not want me?”
“Rayeon,” Kim Dokja called out, horrified. “Rayeon-ah. Rayeon-ah, where did that come from? Who told you that?”
“Papa, I’ve…always known. Everything, from the start. Since I was here.” Rayeon pointed out Kim Dokja’s stomach, which made him reflexively place his hand over it.
“My God…”
“I know that whenever you talk about it, it’d hurt, but I don’t understand why. Papa, I want Daddy too.” Rayeon held his hand. “Please tell me, Papa.”
“Rayeon-ah,”
“Please?”
“I love your Dad, Rayeon-ah. And I’m sure he’ll love you too. But I needed to leave because that’s what’s best for both of us at that time. I went here in the underworld, only to discover that I was pregnant. I wasn’t expecting it; no one did because I’m a human, and I’m a man. But I still did anyway and gave birth to you. I don’t regret it one bit, Rayeon-ah.” Kim Dokja’s tears streamed down his face. He didn’t want to cry—show his daughter that side of him, but what can he do now?
“I’m sorry, Rayeon-ah. I didn’t mean to keep it from you. I was planning on telling you once you grow up a little more…”
Rayeon hugged him, crying. “It’s okay, Papa. I swear, it’s okay.”
“I’m sorry if Papa doesn’t have the courage to face your Dad or tell him the truth, but give me a little more time, Rayeon-ah, I’ll correct my mistakes, okay?”
“Okay…I’m sorry, Papa. Please don’t push yourself too hard.”
Kim Dokja contemplated whether to tell Rayeon about his death. If everything is already out in the open, revealing one more secret wouldn’t hurt, right? At least Rayeon would be prepared to say goodbye, and she won’t question whether it was her fault or anyone else’s.
“Rayeon-ah…” He called out. “If you already know everything, then…you know I’ll be leaving soon, right?”
Rayeon’s clutches in his clothes tightened. He could hear and feel Rayeon’s heartbeat quickening as well. “W-What do you mean?”
Kim Dokja tightened his hug. “I’m sorry, Rayeon-ah. I won’t be here for long.”
“Why? Why are you leaving me, too? Do you not love me anymore?”
“Rayeon-ah, it’s not that. Papa loves you very much, you know that. But I’m getting weaker day by day, and I don’t know how long I’ll last. That’s why we’re going to your aunties and Daddy tomorrow. So you’ll have more people if I leave. So that even without me, maybe you’ll feel a little less lonely.”
“I don’t want them if I’ll lose you, Papa!” Rayeon shouted. “You promised to stay with me! You said…you said you’ll wait for me to get married too…”
“Papa, don’t leave me alone!”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Rayeon-ah. I’m sorry if I’m breaking my promises.”
Throughout the night, Rayeon never let him go.
She reminded him of Yoo Joonghyuk.
Kim Dokja was someone Yoo Joonghyuk could never understand. He was someone…so unpredictable. Unpredictable in a way that it scares him—he was reminded of the first few turns where he didn’t know anything about what his world had become, what he had become, and what his future would be—because Kim Dokja was someone he had never accounted for through all of the lives he lived.
At some point, Kim Dokja became irreplaceable. Because Kim Dokja knew everything and had a plan for everything, he became someone they needed to ensure everyone’s survival. For them to reach the end.
“Yoo Joonghyuk. A former regressor.” Is what he finally introduced himself to Kim Dokja after having a talk with them. It was a new start for them. He’ll trust Kim Dokja, he won’t regress anymore, rely on him if he needs to, and he’ll fight with Kim Dokja until the end. In turn, Kim Dokja won’t shoulder everything alone. That even if he knew everything, it was a promise that Yoo Joonghyuk would stay beside him, protect him, and fight alongside him.
It was an unspoken agreement alongside the new introduction.
It took him time figuring out and remembering that this worldline, this life, was the 1864th turn. Not the third, not the fourth. And it certainly took him a long time to figure out that he’s here because of Kim Dokja. That he lived, died, and continued to regress for the sake of wanting Kim Dokja to have a happy ending as well.
The first time they learned that they were just characters from a book that Kim Dokja had obsessively read for ten years, none of them understood the reason behind Kim Dokja’s actions. Because how would it make sense that Kim Dokja was willing to die and sacrifice himself just because, say, they were his favorite characters?
Kim Dokja never explained. Only told them it was because they saved him—he saved him. Because of that, Kim Dokja continued to live. At first, of course, Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t understand something as vague as it. Because how did it save him? How did he save him?
Still, what is there to doubt when Kim Dokja had already proven himself? When he already repeatedly sacrificed himself to save them?
“I don’t want to kill you.” He doesn’t think he could ever, really.
It would’ve been easier to love Kim Dokja
Maybe it’s because of that, Yoo Joonghyuk started this even more complicated relationship with Kim Dokja. It was an excuse; he wanted to have more of Kim Dokja. He wanted someone who could tie Kim Dokja down, be more of a reason Kim Dokja would stay.
Although contrary to what he wanted, it seemed like he became more of a reason why Kim Dokja would leave.
There would be times when Yoo Joonghyuk would reminisce about his previous lives. When Lee Seolhwa and their child died, he swore never to witness it again. It was the reason why Yoo Joonghyuk decided to never be with Lee Seolhwa again. More specifically, he thought about how he probably wouldn’t be able to handle it if someone who’s a lover, or more special to him, died in his arms.
His other allies and companions dying again and again is already enough to drive him crazy. What more if it’s someone whom he especially loved?
Now, that’s what he’s thinking about. Kim Dokja, Kim Dokja, Kim Dokja. That man, it’s annoying—he’s annoying—but it never fails to make him smile. There’s this damn heart beating again for someone—beating again as if it wouldn’t end with a shattered heart and tear-streaked face. Love was a disaster he never wanted to experience again, because in the end, he’d just lose someone he dearly loved, only to start over again as if nothing had happened. As if Yoo Joonghyuk was never left broken.
How would he even be able to take that?
Yoo Joonghyuk dreamt, and dreamt, and dreamt. All the love he ever poured into people, all of the care, all of the sacrifices he made, he dreamt it all. That’s when he remembered the reason why he kept regressing. It was funny how, in the end, all the roads still led back to Kim Dokja.
He wanted to see him again, wanted to save him too, wanted to see him to achieve his own happy ending, just as Kim Dokja helped him to achieve and experience it.
He wanted to be Kim Dokja’s savior again.
But Kim Dokja continued to walk away from him. It was a familiar sight, one he never got used to. He still felt the same fear and anxiety. He didn’t want to lose him like this, but would this actually be better than him dying just like how Lee Seolhwa and their child died?
Coward, coward.
“...Don’t go.”
When Yoo Joonghyuk woke up, Kim Dokja wasn’t there beside him.
For the next few days, it was obvious to everyone how Kim Dokja avoided Yoo Joonghyuk. He talked to everyone but him, never pestered him even once, and never attempted to be near him at all.
As much as it pisses him off, it’s not like he could just get angry at Kim Dokja. He knew there was a reason why Kim Dokja was avoiding him again. And from the looks of it, something was bothering Kim Dokja.
When Han Sooyoung talked to him, he told her he didn’t know either. It was the truth, though. Since they don’t know anything, he asked Han Sooyoung to come talk to him again if she discovered the reason why Kim Dokja was avoiding him.
But Yoo Joonghyuk couldn’t wait anymore, that’s why he decided to talk to Kim Dokja. He just wanted to know the reason why Kim Dokja was avoiding him, but he didn’t expect Kim Dokja to ask him to break their arrangement. Why would he even agree to that? That’s the only hold he has on Kim Dokja. If he ends this relationship, what would happen to Kim Dokja? Would he just go around, dying, without any hesitation, because nothing is holding him back anymore?
“Is it because we’re not officially lovers? Someone from the company caught us? Did something happen that night?” Yoo Joonghyuk asked, hurriedly, panicked.
“Or have you found my replacement?” Say no. Say that’s not the case at all. Any reason would’ve been fine, just not that.
“Shouldn’t I be the one asking that?”
What did Kim Dokja mean by that? All this time, there was no one else but him.
“—We’re just fine the other night weren’t we?”
So what happened? What’s going on for you to adamantly end this relationship I desperately created just for you to stay? Tell me, Kim Dokja. Tell me, and I’ll fix it, I beg you. Don’t go. Don’t leave me. I don’t care if you die in my arms; all I want is to keep holding you. It doesn’t even matter if I break in the end. As long as I have you with me—that’s all that matters.
Yoo Joonghyuk reached out only for Kim Dokja to avoid him with a pained expression.
Don’t look at me like that.
Why are you looking at me like that?
“I don’t love you, and you don’t love me either.”
No, that’s a lie. Stop lying. I know when you’re lying. That’s not what you told me when we would make love. Kim Dokja, just as you love me, I love you too. Why can’t you see that?
“—But I do.”
“Lies. You’re lying.”
“I’m not lying.”
Why would I?
Why would I when it’s easier to admit that I do rather than I don’t?
“Stop deciding for me!”
I beg you, why are you even doing this to me?
“Then what is it you’re doing? Are you stating the obvious? The facts? From what? For that damn novel about us that you’ve been reading for years?”
“Kim Dokja, for fuck’s sake, I—I’m not that man anymore! I’m here, I’m real, and so are my feelings! If I tell you that I love you, then I really do! I don’t fucking want anyone else but you!”
At some point, Yoo Joonghyuk felt like he couldn’t hear anything anymore other than Kim Dokja constantly bringing up Lee Seolhwa’s name.
Lee Seolhwa, Lee Seolhwa, Lee Seolhwa—it never ended. Why is it that Kim Dokja keeps refusing to look at him? Was it so hard to think of him as a separate individual from the one he’s read about?
“What the fuck, Kim Dokja? Why do you even keep mentioning her? Why are you so insistent on pushing me to her? I just fucking told you I don’t want anyone but you! Are you pretending like you didn’t hear me?”
Why can’t you ever listen to me?
“That night, you almost called me Seolhwa. I—all this time, did you keep thinking that I was her? Is that the reason why you aren’t vocal? Because you’re afraid that you’d call me by her name instead of mine? God, fuck you, Yoo Joonghyuk! You—you’re such a real asshole!”
Fuck.
Fuck—he…he messed up. That must’ve been the time he was dreaming about the timelines. He’s not entirely sure, but that’s the only plausible explanation for it. He never thought he’d be dreaming of it while he was drunk and while he was doing it with Kim Dokja.
“Kim Dokja, I didn’t—I didn’t mean to. I was drunk.” Yoo Joonghyuk went closer and held his arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know, I swear, I—”
I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m at fault, so don’t cry.
“Don’t touch me,” Kim Dokja squirmed, prying Yoo Joonghyuk’s hand away from him. “God, you—you make me feel so dirty.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call you that. I was really drunk, I don’t remember everything I said, but I swear, I wasn’t thinking of her—I don’t think of her when we do it, and I don’t think of you as her replacement.”
“Dokja, please believe me.”
Please. Please, listen to me. Don’t leave me like this.
“Goodbye, Yoo Joonghyuk.”
2 years. Yoo Joonghyuk kept their midday tryst alive and kept sending Kim Dokja messages in hopes he’d read them and someday respond. Just one, even a dot, would’ve been enough. He just wanted to know if Kim Dokja was doing fine or if he was alive. If he’s living well, getting taken care of, or he’s not out there dying or sacrificing himself.
Yoo Joonghyuk looked for any traces of him everywhere when Han Sooyoung refused to tell him anything. He understood her, because it was Kim Dokja’s wish. But at the same time, he felt conflicted because he wanted to know at least something. Anything. He tried going to the Underworld as well, but he was never granted permission. So he guessed that Kim Dokja was probably staying there if that was the case.
During these times, Lee Seolhwa was the one who looked out for him. Lee Seolhwa never held any feelings for him; she simply cared for him as the group’s doctor and poisoner. But remembering how Kim Dokja would often push him and Lee Seolhwa together because of that damned book, he started to think, if he did get together with Lee Seolhwa again, would Kim Dokja be happy about that? Would he finally come back?
As much as it pained Yoo Joonghyuk, that’s what Kim Dokja would probably indeed want.
A year after that, Kim Dokja came back with a child, strikingly similar to Kim Dokja and Biyoo. He wanted to bombard him with questions, but all he could think of was, is this the reason why Kim Dokja wanted him to be with Lee Seolhwa? To stop whatever they had in the past because he had another?
“Whose…child is that?”
“Mine.” Kim Dokja smiled and picked her up. With that, all that he wanted he asked, and what he felt disappeared into thin air. All he could do was look at Kim Dokja, who seemed to be doing well after all these years. He watched Kim Dokja look at Rayeon like she was the most precious thing that he had ever gotten. Like he was willing to do anything for him. Like Rayeon was his whole world, one he wouldn’t trade for anything.
And it hurts to look at, because he knows that it also meant that even Rayeon wasn’t enough to tie him down. After all, Kim Dokja once looked at him the same way he looked at Rayeon now.
Then, if it’s not him, and it’s not Rayeon, who the hell can tie him down in this world to live?
Yoo Joonghyuk wasn’t surprised when Kim Dokja slowly started disappearing at the end of the scenarios. Still, just like 3 years ago, he cried and begged Kim Dokja like it was his life on the line. Everything was blurred, and everything spun in circles. He couldn’t hear anything other than his own screams and cries. His heart and head hurt so much that it felt like it was his first time dying.
It felt as if his heart crumbled along with Kim Dokja.
Kim Dokja left a letter for everyone to read.
In there, he told everyone, including Rayeon, that he was sorry for doing this. For not staying. But it was an unavoidable sacrifice he had to make for everyone to live happily. But Yoo Joonghyuk was unimpressed; he stared at the letter, then at nowhere.
If you were actually sorry, you wouldn’t have done that.
If you were actually sorry, you wouldn’t have left your child alone.
If you were actually sorry, you would’ve stayed.
But you didn’t.
You don’t actually feel sorry for any of us, do you?
“Papa often told me about you.” Rayeon sat beside him. “It wasn’t like those tales of what you guys went through or anything like that.”
Yoo Joonghyuk quietly listened to her. They sat in front of the fireplace, staring at the fire, never daring to make any move other than their mouths. “I think it’s more like, Papa often looked for you.”
Yoo Joonghyuk’s heart thumps, growing heavier.
I don’t want to hear it; that's what he wanted to say. But how can he ever have the courage to do so when all he wanted to hear was how Kim Dokja’s life was in that span of three years he couldn’t see him?
“He might not know it, but he often calls for your name.”
“I did too.” Yoo Joonghyuk’s voice was hoarse. So hoarse that it was almost like a whisper. But Rayeon heard him as clear as ever.
Yoo Joonghyuk could see Rayeon smile in his peripheral vision. “I once asked Papa about you. The usual questions of a curious child who was looking for her other parent.”
Yoo Joonghyuk’s eyes widened. His head snapped so quickly to his side to face Rayeon. “What?”
But Rayeon only showed him a rueful smile. “I told him I knew everything. But it’s not like I could understand it, you know? He told me he really loved you. He just left because that seemed like the best for both of you. Clearly, I don’t think that’s the case at all.”
Rayeon faced the fire and continued, while Yoo Joonghyuk only stared at her. “He wasn’t expecting that he’d get pregnant. But he told me he never regretted having me, ever. At first, I thought, if he knew before he left, would he have stayed? Would you have made him stay? But then—”
“I would.” Yoo Joonghyuk cut her off. “I would have done anything.”
Rayeon huffed a low laugh, “Right. I know you would. But it’s pointless to think about that now, would it?”
Rayeon adjusted the way she sat, facing Yoo Joonghyuk. Of course, Yoo Joonghyuk did the same. “Dad, could you tell me more about Papa?”
Yoo Joonghyuk held his arms out. “Come here.”
The way Rayeon breathed became different. Quickened, lips bitten, eyes starting to red. She lunged forward to hug Yoo Joonghyuk. “Sorry. I’m sorry for not noticing immediately that you were my daughter.”
“It’s okay.” Rayeon’s voice was as shaky as his. And he couldn’t do anything but offer her a tight hug.
“Of course, I’ll tell you everything about us.”
A lot changed 13 years after Kim Dokja disappeared.
With Han Sooyoung’s help, he managed to get back on his feet and support Yoo Mia and Rayeon. When he deemed he’d be fine, he talked to Han Sooyoung about his plans of staying away from the group. But he promised to visit them whenever he has the chance.
Then, he discussed things with Rayeon. He had hoped that Rayeon would come with him, even if that meant it would be a little lonely. After all, she won’t be able to grow up with Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung, the ones closer to her age. But surprisingly, Rayeon decided to move with him.
Rayeon grew up to be a splendid young woman. When she was little, she resembled Kim Dokja a lot. But as she grew up, she started to resemble him so much that it worried him a little. Even Yoo Mia gets him worried, too. His little girls were now grown enough to be targeted by boys and men, after all.
Since Yoo Mia is older than Rayeon, Yoo Mia basically became Rayeon’s aunt and older sister at the same time. Both of them would often go shopping or stroll around. Sometimes, even dragging him with them. Yoo Mia also planned on pursuing medicine, so in a few years, she’ll stay with Lee Seolhwa to at least learn from her too. Yoo Joonghyuk, of course, let her.
Biyoo was busy running around with the Dokkaebi King, managing the collapsed star stream to prevent it from acting up. But she did visit everyone every time she could, holding small or long conversations if she had the time.
“Are you not lonely?”
Biyoo only gave him a small smile. “A little. But it’s bearable.”
“Visit Rayeon when you can. She misses you, too.”
“I will. Maybe next time.” Biyoo stood up. “See you, Captain.”
Lee Jihye continued her studies and graduated. At first, she had a little bit of a hard time adjusting to a classroom. After all, it was where her best friend had died, and the first time she witnessed such horrific scenes. But she’s a brave girl, Yoo Joonghyuk knows that. And Yoo Joonghyuk was confident that Lee Jihye would be able to recover in no time with help. He wasn’t wrong, though. Lee Jihye even had a girlfriend.
Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung were the same. All three of them stayed with Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon. They were more than glad to have the three as an addition to the family.
Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon got married. He and Rayeon were naturally invited. But at that time, he had work, so he only dropped Rayeon off at the venue and then came by for a moment at the party. Naturally, the three of them talked. Yoo Joonghyuk asked the reason why they were fine to adopt the three. Jung Heewon only told him that she isn’t ready to have kids. And having the three would be enough for them. After all, someone had to look after them while they’re still growing up.
Lee Hyunsung shared the same sentiment as Jung Heewon. And even if they decided to have kids now, it’d be too late. They’re already old, and as much as possible, he wanted them to enjoy this newfound freedom.
Gong Pildu, who managed to secure his apartment buildings and lots, naturally offered everyone a place to stay. Of course, they had to pay, but at least it’s discounted, and they don’t need to handle any complicated matters since Gong Pildu already settled everything, for which they were thankful. Now, he’s just enjoying travelling around using the money he’s earning from his tenants.
Yoo Sangah became a government worker and a teacher. When she and Yoo Joonghyuk talked, she initially said that she was just planning on managing a library, just like what she did once on Kim Dokja’s library. She found it fun, just reading and being surrounded by books. In a way, maybe it was just her wanting to adapt to Kim Dokja’s habits to remember him by. But then Han Sooyoung refused and told her to become a professor with her instead. Everyone in the Kim Company shouldn’t be left alone, or else, there’s no way they’d know what’s going on with each other.
Han Sooyoung continued writing, but mostly focused on being a literature professor. She lived with Yoo Sangah. Yoo Joonghyuk pondered at this point whether when will Han Sooyoung or Yoo Sangah would ask each other out, since it’s pretty obvious that they like each other.
Lee Seolhwa became a doctor, as predicted. She lived near Han Sooyoung and Yoo Sangah’s place. But it was more like Han Sooyoung forced her to live nearby to monitor her as well.
Jang Hayoung and Aileen Makerfield opened up an antique and clock shop. They live near Gong Pildu. But since Gong Pildu often goes out to travel, not much has been going on with the three.
And lastly, Kim Dokja. He didn’t change at all.
All that was left of him was a photo from years ago. Just as he had remembered what Kim Dokja looked like when he was still with them, that is how Yoo Joonghyuk still remembers him up until now. It’s a bit bittersweet and disappointing, repeating all the rounds without even giving Kim Dokja the happy ending he deserved.
Maybe, when this round ends, or in another life, he’d do that for Kim Dokja.
For now, he’ll just live this life caring for their daughter and everyone, just like how Kim Dokja wished.