Chapter Text
The floors on the Nemesis were always dirty. No matter how many times the drones cleaned and polished them, filth and dust would always find its way back, carried in by soldiers and miners alike. Earth spread its muddy crust like a disease and beings as big and heavy as them could not walk two steps without getting soiled by it.
Starscream followed the patterns of dark brown pede prints with disdain. He hated earth, both the planet and the substance. It was crawling with microorganisms and despite knowing that organic diseases had no effect on Cybertronians, Starscream felt disgusted by the mere notion of bacteria crawling its way between his plating and into his seams.
Still, looking, no, glaring at the floor and musing about the mud stains was preferable to acknowledging the pain that made big red warnings flash on his HUD. Preferable to acknowledging the pitiful state and humiliating pose he was in. Preferable to thinking about how he had failed Megatron yet again.
His lord had been furious, had kicked him around and then left to let him wallow in his own misery. It was not the most brutal of beatings, he had experienced much worse, but this time, he had truly wanted to please Megatron. It made the taste of failure turn from bitter to unbearable. In all those eons of war, Starscream felt himself confronted with two universal truths:
He could not kill Megatron. He could not please Megatron.
What he could do seemed secondary, unnecessary even in the face of these two specific shortcomings. Both would have him end up in similar positions, at the mercy of his master's ever changing moods. The instances when Megatron's heavy gaze had been laced with something akin to approval and pride and that had made Starscream's spark jump and flare in the strangest patterns could be counted manually, on one servo.
Starscream's servos balled into fist, his talons dragging along the metal flooring as he did so, creating an eerie scratching noise. He needed to get up and return to his duties. A new chance to prove himself or fail miserably.
Starscream liked to pride himself on being a mech who never gave up and always found a way to rise once he had fallen. But this time perhaps he needed... a break. A short one.
Slowly, Starscream stood up, wincing silently at the pain in his cockpit and at the base of his wings. Megatron – sadly – knew exactly where all of his weak points were. Perhaps he should visit the med bay, even if every fiber and plate of his frame bristled at the thought of Knockout saying something, anything. He didn't need snide comments or worse, pity. Before he could turn and walk out of the room however, he stilled. He felt him before he saw him and certainly never heard him but he was definitely headed this way.
The door opened and Soundwave entered. Immediately, as if out of instinct, Starscream corrected his posture that favored one side, even at the cost of another damage level warning harassing him like advertisements harassed those that visited the human electronic communication network. (Perhaps he had visited that virtual dumpster a bit more than was recommended. And it wasn't like he had any use for human devices, anyway. He didn't even know what a “penis” was! ...or why it needed to be longer.)
Soundwave tilted his helm to the side, an inquiring motion, before approaching, his steps calm and quiet. Starscream frowned.
“What do you want, Soundwave? Are you here to gloat because you succeeded where I did not?”
Of course that was a silly notion. Soundwave was not the type to gloat – or talk, for that matter – but the part of Starscream that always suspected everyone and everything to be out there to get him had been faster than his more rational thought protocols. Who could blame him though?
Not to mention, Soundwave was undeniably Megatron's favorite. Starscream could tell himself all he wanted that it was his superior skills and intellect that had granted him the position as second in command but the truth was that the position of second in command was, in general, more stiff than that of the third. They were designed that way on purpose. Soundwave could concentrate on special assignments and surveillance and whatever it was Megatron made him do, while Starscream's place was right at Megatron's side, leading his armies and accepting his anger.
If not for these dynamics, Starscream wasn't sure what rank he would be. Not that it mattered. The only thing that mattered was that he had the superior rank and whatever it was that Soundwave wanted, he would not let the wretched aft-kisser have his way.
It was just then, when he had finally decided on a course of action to get rid of Soundwave before the silent mech could notice his current predicament, that two very familiar cables wrapped themselves around him before lifting him into the air with little to no effort. That was, until Starscream started struggling.
“What the-?! Soundwave! Put me down! This is an order! You can't do this to your superior officer!” But Soundwave didn't listen. A blank, black screen stared into Starscream's direction as the seeker fruitlessly attempted to free himself from the hold. Agonizing sensory feeds originating from his pain receptors made the ordeal harder than anticipated. Despite his best efforts, he winced and needed to pause in his endeavors.
The cables were flexible and quite soft, actually. They wrapped around his frame almost delicately, as if Soundwave was trying not to hurt him further. Of course that notion was ridiculous. Even more so than Soundwave gloating.
Soundwave cared for only one thing and that one thing had left this room not too long ago to rid himself of the pitiful sight that Starscream had displayed.
Weak as he currently was, Starscream had no choice but to temporarily accept his position, lest he show the damned communications officer how he actually felt right now.
Soundwave made no indication of his current mood. He could be happy, smug, angry, no one would ever know. He face as well as his EM field were a perpetual blank slate and that was perhaps his most dangerous feature.
Slowly, the cables retracted, carrying Starscream closer to their owner. Starscream frowned, silent for once and waiting for whatever it was that Soundwave intended to do to him. If the third in command decided that he wanted to hurt the seeker too, then there would be no one around to hear them just like no one had heard when he had been at Megatron's tender mercies. Not that anyone would have even cared.
A virtual image of Starscream's frame appeared on Soundwave's visor as well as various numbers. It took Starscream a moment to realize that those were his damage levels. Soundwave was certainly no medic but it seemed like he could at least do a rough check up and assess the situation, presenting Starscream with the results. There really seemed to be nothing this mech couldn't do and Starscream hated him for it.
“So? What is that supposed to tell me? I know that I'm in pain without you showing me.”
There was a short flash and the pictogram for medical assistance appeared.
“I was just headed that way. Before you decided that I make for a splendid hanging lamp.”
Long thin digits reached out, tracing Starscream's faceplate with a touch so light it was barely there at all. The way the cables were wrapped around him, Starscream couldn't use his arms, so he turned his helm away. The touch followed.
Something new appeared on the screen. It was nothing more than the punctuation mark of a question. Eons of having to work with the silent mech had made Starscream somewhat adequate a guessing the vague motions, visuals and recordings Soundwave used to communicate, so he had a pretty good idea what this meant.
“Isn't it obvious?! I failed! I failed and paid the price. Not like you would ever know! Has Megatron ever punished you before?”
It was subtle and gone after a blink but Soundwave shook his head.
“I didn't think so. Because you're perfect, aren't you, Soundwave? Perfect and loyal and capable, a true Decepticon, better than any of your peers, even the second in command, your superior only in title.”
Perhaps it was the pain or how tired he suddenly felt but Starscream didn't even try to hide the bitterness spilling from his intake. The spark-crushing envy.
“You might remember that I had devoted my life to Megatron as well, a long time ago. When he promised me to help me reach my goals. But they went up in flames just like Vos did. And I was left with a position that put me right by his side, within his reach at all times. You would not be as loyal as you are if you knew what that's like.”
There, he said it and there was no going back now. Soundwave was coddled, always just out of reach of Megatron's anger. Because when their master was furious, it didn't matter who had done what. Starscream had had the pleasure of learning that, too.
He could not please Megatron.
His defectiveness had, in the beginning, been a result of this treatment and the fact that he didn't agree with Megatron concerning... many things. This war had destroyed their planet but Starscream? He had not wanted that. What use was an empire in shambles? Conquering meant seizing and changing for the better, not ruining the work of a whole planet's life. But Megatron, in his insatiable thirst for vengeance, had not seen that.
But it wasn't like a blind follower like Soundwave would understand, so chance after chance of taking the throne for himself had slipped through Starscream's fingers, just because of the third in command.
He could not kill Megatron.
Soundwave was eerily still, even for his standards. Then, Starscream was pulled closer still until he was right in front of Soundwave, his pedes even touching the floor again. That was his chance, he decided, if he aimed right and drove his knee right into Soundwave's abdomen, he could probably free himself and buy himself enough time to flee.
Starscream tensed, his gears and joints ready to move. He only needed the right moment to-
Soundwave hugged him.
Starscream froze. He suddenly wasn't so sure if any of this was real or if he was having the weirdest nightmare of his entire life. Even weirder than the one where he had decided to get a new frame and kidnapped Bumblebee to tell him stories about himself.
Soundwave was not made for hugging. His arms had a strange shape and wrapped awkwardly around his frame. The cables, Starscream could understand, but this? No.
Starscream was tempted to renew his escape attempts when he heard it. The tune coming from Soundwave. It was the recording of a song that had been popular in Vos not too long before the start of the war.
Starscream had not liked it back then but now it felt like home. He renewed his struggling but more out of a desperate attempt to not show his emotions so openly when someone he didn't trust was so close.
“Soundwave, what- what are you doing?! Stop that! I don't want to hear this song and I certainly don't need you to coddle me like a newspark!”
Had he sounded indignant and demanding before, now he only sounded pitiful and confused.
Again, Soundwave did not listen. He stayed in that position, arms and cables wrapped around Starscream, digits pressing light, soothing patterns into the silver plating while the song kept playing softly. It was almost like a lullaby.
Out of other options, Starscream stopped his attempts to flee. Whatever had gotten into Soundwave, perhaps it was best to leave him be until he was bored and left Starscream alone. It was painful, hearing this tune that was so familiar yet felt like a dream from the past, the ghostly remnant of a better, easier time. The touches were careful, even if a bit strange, but they didn't hurt and seemed to have only friendly intent. That was... something Starscream hadn't felt in a while. He hated Soundwave for reminding him that he, too, craved such a thing. And – to a lesser extent – he hated himself from craving it in the first place.
He was Starscream, ruler of the skies, second in command of the Decepticons, not some touch starved piece of shareware!
Now that the immediate danger seemed gone, Starscream's damage repair protocols demanded for him to fall into recharge. He felt heavier, staying awake became a chore. It didn't help that Soundwave's actions unintentionally assisted the protocols.
But he couldn't. Not right in front of Soundwave, who knew what that damned mech would do to him then?
Starscream had barely started considering all the possibilities when he fully slipped into recharge, exhausted and empty in more ways than one.
When Starscream came online again, he was inside the medbay. Briefly, he considered the possibility that everything had just been a dream but quickly discarded that idea.
He could hear Knockout as he was seemingly maintaining his equipment. He was humming a song. The same song Soundwave had played for him before he had slipped into the comforting black of recharge.
There was only one question left:
Why?