Chapter Text
Phil should probably be worried about this.
Because for one, this is really anything but normal and two, it could definitely be a sign of some sort of serious illness.
For some weird reason, he feels incredibly calm.
Somewhere in the very back of his mind, he can hear the voices telling him that he should definitely be panicked.
Still, he doesn’t find it in himself to actually like…start panicking. Not that he usually had a hard time doing just that. His second name could very much be “Anxious” at this point.
But apparently only when he convinces himself he’s dying from swallowing some glue and not when he suddenly starts seeing stuff.
And with stuff he means a semi-hot stranger sitting opposite him that he has no memory of letting into his house nor ever having seen before.
In theory, he knows that he should call the army or the police—probably an ambulance—but he is really hungry and has just made himself a buttered toast before his mind started conjuring things.
So, he decides to eat first. It isn’t his fault his body decided to go crazy in exactly this moment.
Also, waiting another half hour until he’s eaten his toast can’t seriously do any more harm at this point.
Maybe he has just forgotten to eat and this is now his body’s revenge… Either way, he takes a bite out of his toast.
He chews slowly, purposely biting his tongue several times in the process just to make sure he really is awake.
And yup. Ouch. Not a dream.
He must be pulling a face because the stranger’s lips twitch up in amusement. He—or at least Phil is pretty sure it’s a he—is sitting on the chair across from him, cross-legged with his arms folded on the table, chin propped up in his hands while he looks at Phil with dark brown eyes.
Phil takes another bite while scanning him over.
He maybe has to reevaluate. The hallucination is not semi-hot, it’s full-on making Phil want to howl hot. Like real attractive in used-to-be-emo way.
He tries to decide if him being hot makes this better or worse, when the stranger opens his mouth.
“Something wrong with my face?”
Oh, he talks. So auditory hallucinations too. Awesome.
Phil swallows. Is he supposed to answer? Will that make it worse?
He’s never lost his mind before, maybe he should’ve read a book on it.
When the hallucination pulls up a brow, Phil sighs. Guess he has to fuck around and find out.
“I mean, not particularly your face. More—” He waves his hand vaguely in front of him. “The whole existence of you.”
The stranger pushes himself off the table and presses a hand dramatically against his chest.
“Ouch. No need to be so mean.”
Phil rolls his eyes, though he feels the corners of his lips quirking upward.
“Are you always this dramatic?”
“Dramatic?” He tilts his head, a smug grin on his lips and deep dimples burrowing into his cheeks. “It’s called having edge, babe.”
Phil’s eyebrows cock up and he takes another bite. Anything to stop the smile forming on his lips. He will not laugh about something a hallucination of his says. That was a level of craziness he is not yet willing to take.
“You’re really full of yourself for a hallucination.”
The stranger leans further back and frowns slightly.
“What makes you think I’m a hallucination?”
As normal as Phil is trying to be about all of this, talking to the imaginary man his brain apparently produced… is starting to make him a little uneasy.
Not that anyone can blame him, right?.
This is a totally normal reaction and definitely has nothing to do with the fact that Phil really likes the dimples in the man’s cheeks and not so much the sudden seriousness in his face.
“I mean…aren’t you? You literally appeared out of thin air sitting in my kitchen all weird.”
The man scrunches his nose, looking infinitely offended.
“You know you’re really rude for someone that comes on so friendly and innocently in his YouTube videos.”
“I’m sorry if I’m confused.” Phil furrows his brows. Who does he think he is? Phil should be the one getting frustrated! Hello, hasn’t he listened?
“It’s not every day I suddenly start seeing hot men appear in my apartment.”
Phil only realizes what he has said when the man relaxes in an instant, brows raised, grin wide.
“Hot, aye?”
Phil rolls his eyes and shoves his plate away. He has the subtle feeling food won’t make this alright either.
“For a hallucination.”
“Not a hallucination.”
Phil props his elbows up on the table and drags a hand down his face. His head starts to hurt and he has a suspicion this is not going to make it better.
“Fine, what are you then?”
He looks up in time to see the stranger press his lips together. Only for a second though. A blink later and a grin is back to replace it. He shrugs.
“I’m Dan.”
Phil blinks once. Twice.
And without realizing it, mirrors the grin on the man’s face. He shakes his head because this really does get weirder with every passing second, but oh well. At least his hallucination has a name now.
“Okay, uh, hi Dan.” Phil wrinkles his forehead then, without thinking too much about it—he won’t come to some reasonable solution anyway—extends his hand for a handshake.
So yeah, maybe he really is cooked. Probably fried even. Put into the freezer and reheated…But if he really goes mental, he will at least make it a nice experience. No need to be rude to his hallucination—or uh, to Dan.
Equally surprised, Dan’s eyes jump to his hand, lingering there for a few moments. His lips are pursed, grin replaced by an expression Phil can’t quite read.
But when he looks back up to meet Phil’s gaze, a small smile plays around them. Somehow looking more genuine than everything before.
Phil doesn’t see him reaching out, but suddenly he can feel Dan’s hand in his and he jumps at the sudden sensation.
He definitely feels him, his skin is surprisingly like any other human’s except…colder somehow.
Definitely too real, though.
A big lump forms in his throat, but he swallows it down when he notices the way Dan’s smile falters. And for some reason, Phil really doesn’t want that to happen.
“Nice to meet you, Dan. I’m Phil.” He rushes in to say. Something like amusement flickers over Dan’s face.
“Yeah.” His voice is barely more than a whisper, tone too soft to match his expression before he clears his throat. “You probably won’t ask too many questions when I say I already knew so much, right?”
Phil huffs a laugh and though the situation is probably the most absurd thing ever, it’s a genuine reaction.
“I have so many questions and that one is probably the last one on that list.”
Dan slips his hand out of Phil’s grip and leans forward again. He wriggles his eyebrows and then props his elbows on the table as well, mirroring Phil but looking infinitely more enthusiastic than him.
“You already have a whole list?”
Phil nods before deadpanning, “I could fill a book.”
Dan grins but waves his hand dismissively.
“We have not time for that many.” He furrows his brow, stopping himself. “Actually, maybe we do.” His eyes flicker away for a second before finding Phil’s again. “But my attention span isn’t that long. I’ll grant you three questions.”
Phil has to hold back a laugh and looks around the room for a moment. He tries to collect his thoughts, fails miserably and quickly gives up instead, shrugging.
“Okay.” He catches sight of the half-empty cereal box that lies across his kitchen counter. The question leaves his mouth before it’s fully formed, “If you had to eat one kind of cereal for the rest of your life, which would you choose?”
Dan looks at him for a second, mouth open, brows furrowed before he doubles over the table laughing.
And look, Phil really tries to have a reasonable reaction to this whole thing but the moment he hears and sees Dan falling over from cackling, Phil’s gone too.
“What the fuck?” Dan presses out between laughs, pushing himself up again, shoulders still shaking.
“What?” Phil asks in mock naivety.
“What? Are you seriously asking me what? Oh my god, Phil.” Dan rubs at his eyes, swatting tears away while still trying to collect himself.
Something in Phil shudders at the way his name leaves Dan’s mouth as if he’s already said it a million times before.
He grins while waiting for Dan to recover again. His curls fall into his face, perfectly framing the pale skin. Phil tilts his head as Dan holds out a hand, closing his eyes, still wearing the biggest grin on his face.
He doesn’t think he has ever seen dimples this deep.
They are beautiful.
“Okay,” Dan says, interrupting Phil’s train of thought. Thankfully, because he doesn’t think it’s especially healthy to think stuff like this about…whatever Dan is. “Are you sure you want to waste your first question to ask me about cereal?”
Phil pouts, badly covering up his own amusement. “Nothing is wasted on cereal.”
Dan tilts his head, seemingly considering it for a moment. “Yeah, you might have a point. Okay, fine.”
Phil grins and Dan chuckles silently, shaking his head.
Before he answers though, his eyes turn soft. Looking lighter for some reason.
“Okay, before you judge, listen up.” Dan pauses and only continues after Phil nods. “Crunchy Nut.”
“Crunchy Nut? Seriously?”
Before Phil can say anymore, a finger presses onto his mouth, catching him off-guard and shushing him successfully.
“I know it’s basic. But sometimes basic is all you need in life.”
Phil considers biting into the finger still covering his lips…would it taste like anything?
He decides against it, not really sure if he actually wants to find out. He still feels the most secure thinking of Dan as a hallucination and tasting a hallucination…Yeah, no.
Bad enough he’s currently having a full-on conversation with him.
At least this way he has enough hope left to still grip onto it with every last bit of strength.
So instead, he swats at his hand until Dan pulls it back.
“Basic doesn’t fit you, though,” Phil rushes to get out. “I mean based on the last three minutes I’ve known you.”
Dan winces at Phil’s words. He’s not really sure why…has he said anything wrong?
To a hallucination? Yeah, sure Phil.
He isn’t left wondering for long though, because a second later Dan shrugs.
“So what would you choose?”
“Lucky Charms,” Phil answers without missing a beat.
Dan grins, nodding. “That’s actually probably the worst but best fitting option for you.”
Phil frowns, his lips quirking upward despite himself. “Thanks?”
“It’s sickeningly sweet.” He says it as if that explains everything.
Before Phil can answer to that though, Dan pushes himself up from his chair.
He turns around on the spot once, then starts wandering around Phil’s kitchen.
He lets a finger swipe over the counter and has a look at every single kitchen tool that he can find before starting to open every single cupboard.
“Where are you living? Like what city is this?” he asks after a few seconds.
“London,” Phil answers. “Why?”
Dan shrugs but doesn’t say anything.
He’s really tall, Phil notices as Dan grabs a picture of Phil’s mother and himself from a shelf even Phil has difficulty reaching. When standing however, he leans forward just slightly, probably used to making himself look smaller.
The kitchen suddenly feels too quiet and weirdly enough Phil would much rather go back to speaking with imaginary Dan.
But he’s busy looking at the photograph before quietly and carefully putting it back into its spot.
He only turns around to Phil again after looking through every single drawer as well.
“Are you living with someone?” is the first thing he says while leaning against the counter, playing with the knife Phil used to make his buttered toast earlier, concentrating on it way too hard to seem as unbothered as Phil is sure he would like to look.
“Uh.” Shouldn’t something made up by himself know that already? Then again, should something his mind has made up even feel this real? He really should stop arguing with logic. “No, I lived with PJ and Sophie for some time but uh…this is all mine.”
Dan’s eyes jump up to him. “So Sophie and PJ exist here too?”
Phil feels his forehead wrinkle up. “Do you know them?”
Dan bites his lip before pulling up one shoulder. “No, I suppose I don’t.”
Before Phil can ask any more questions, Dan interrupts him by dropping the knife onto the counter with a loud clang. He looks back at Phil, grin back in place. It doesn’t reach his eyes.
“That was question two, by the way. So, start using that big noggin of yours.”
Phil bites his lip. He hasn’t even noticed how he had wasted his second question…then again he asked about cereal before.
At the end of the day though…he’s not really sure any question can explain this.
Still.
“If you’re not a hallucination…do you know what you are?”
Dan wraps his arms around himself, his eyes going dark in an instant, brows pulled down, lips pressed together so hard all color vanishes.
He looks down at the ground before nodding. “I think I do.”
Phil doesn’t know why he stands up. This is surreal and crazy and not real.
He knows that. He may be crazy but he knows this much.
But the man in front of him, the hallucination, the stranger—Dan looks so incredibly sad. Hurt and broken in so many ways…
And when Phil stands up, carefully walking toward him, stopping inches in front of him, Dan looks up at him. His brown eyes are glassy and wide open, mouth a flat line and Phil can’t help but think he looks…guilty.
And no matter how weird all of this is. No matter how demented he probably is, he closes the remaining space between them without another thought.
He wraps his arms around Dan, pulling him into a hug and Dan melts against him in an instant. Arms still wrapped around himself, but his head finds the crook of his neck immediately.
Dan’s body feels cold, so very cold but Phil doesn’t pull back. His skin tingles and despite all of it, it feels exactly right.
Phil brushes circles over Dan’s back. Neither says anything but he feels Dan leaning into him more with every passing second.
Phil should probably be worried. This should not be normal. This should not feel this right. This familiar?
This can’t be a hallucination. And if it is…Maybe going crazy isn’t that bad after all.
“Dan?” Phil tightens his grip around him, scared he will pull away. “Can you tell me?”
Dan doesn’t react. Not for a few seconds.
When he eventually does pull back, it’s just enough to look at Phil with a small smile.
He sniffles before tilting his head. “Well, depends. Does me being a ghost make all of this better or worse?”
Phil’s knees go weak and Dan has his arms wrapped around his waist in seconds, keeping him from falling over.
“What the fuck,” Phil whispers.
Dan chuckles quietly. “So, huh, guess that means worse.”