Archive of Our Own

James: Just so you all know, your “great genius idea” was complete rubbish.

Sirius: You’ll have to be more specific, dear Prongs. All my ideas are brilliant.

Peter: He made a WandMatch profile.

Sirius: No. You actually did it?

James: You told me it was the best way to meet girls who weren’t Evans.

Sirius: I didn’t think you’d actually listen to me! Show me.

James: Don’t laugh.

Sirius: Honestly? Decent profile. What am I being blamed for this time?

Remus: Wait for it.

Peter: Look closer.

Sirius: JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER. Did you make a dating profile to get over your crush, only to start messaging her on the app?

Sirius: What is actually wrong with you?

Remus: James had to have been cursed by a love potion as a child. It’s the only explanation.

Peter: I can’t believe you think discussing homework counts as flirting.

James: WHAT DO I MESSAGE BACK? I can’t leave her on read. I need help.

Sirius: Match with another girl!

James: I CAN’T. This is clearly fate. I tried to move on and a magical algorithm brought us back together. I can’t ignore fate!

Remus: You called Potions boring and she replied that you have “the attention span of a pixie.” Not sure if this is the beginning of a sweeping romance.

Sirius: Of course it is. Prongs, don’t listen to Moony. Lily is still messaging you back, isn’t she? That means she wants you to keep going.

James: But what do I say?

Peter: Ask her how she polishes her cauldron.

Sirius: Don’t be weird, Wormtail.

Sirius: Ask her to show you what she likes about Potions. Make it competitive. You two freaks love competing in class.

James: What if she says yes?

Remus: Then, statistically speaking, you’ll probably end up making out with her.