Work Text:
Toto moved quietly as to not disturb the silence of Kanit's apartment, gathering cutlery, dishes and the glasses and quickly putting everything in the dishwasher.
He knew that resetting the room would do absolutely nothing to calm down the tornado that the evening had left in his chest, but he had spent too many sleepless nights— both in his own home and at the foundation — with only tidying up as a companion to his worries, not to try anyway. Even here, in a room he had only gotten to know hours prior.
Dishwasher loaded and table cleaned, he dealt with the stupid candles he had set up for the entirety of the afternoon. Without the gentle clinking of the ceramic and glass of the kitchenware, the silence of Kanit's apartment felt even heavier. The whirlwind inside him, slowly drilling a hole in his soul.
Had they almost kissed?
Kanit was drunk, he shouldn't have let that happen. But just like the man sleeping off the alcohol in the next room, he was tired. He was so tired.
It had only taken a moment, the conversation switching to a more serious note, and his guard had slipped. His defensive corny and sarcastic humor had disappeared and he had dared to hope that someone like Kanit could actually—
Enough,Toto.
Lew's tuition was not going to be paid by magic, and his team was counting on him. He could not afford to be weak, he could not afford to falter he could not afford to be…sensitive.
No matter how much he wanted to. No matter how painful it had been to see Kanit so disappointed, so heartbroken.
The world was truly unfair.
On one side; Lion had it all. A perfect job, money, stability and devoted, handsome, sharp tongued and incredibly intelligent Kanit who loved him, and still he chose to cheat on him, like he was worth nothing.
On the other side; he struggled to make ends meet, to care for his little sister, and worked 30 hours shifts some days to help people for a laughable income.
Toto sighed, putting back the power strip and closing the TV drawer.
He knew his heart was not going to survive their arrangement. The more time he spent with Kanit, the more he could feel the ground give way underneath his feet, the stronger the pull towards him became.
He had hated to see him like that after Lion bailed on the anniversary dinner, and that Lion was truly lucky Toto was the man he was.
Another man, a lesser man, would have found him and punched his face.
Toto only wanted Kanit to feel better, because who was he kidding, the feelings for him were growing fast and unchecked.
Troubles, he was in so much troubles.
Regardless of Lion, Kanit wanted someone of his status, someone who complimented him, he'd never fall for someone like him, someone who was…a stray dog.
Sure, he might flirt a little, but Toto knew it meant nothing anyway, they were too different, two planets who could never collide. He simply wasn't enough for Kanit. He would never be. No matter what he held in his heart, that was not enough.
He also had more pressing matters, like his sister and her education.
"No time for love, Toto." he whispered to himself, as he closed the box with all the fake candles, and put it next to the couch. He had no idea where Kanit wanted them, so he just left them there.
The apartment was now back to normal. Kanit was sleeping off the wine and Toto…
Toto stopped for a moment, to look at his reflection in the entryway mirror Kanit had, and gave himself time to feel everything he was feeling, before bottling everything up once more.
He was a good man, rough on the edges maybe, but that was his way to cope. He had a he little sister whom he loved more than anything else in the world, a job that gave him the opportunity to help others every day and save lives, and right now, he was unfortunately nurturing feelings for the man sleeping in the bedroom on the opposite end of that corridor.
A man who would probably never see beyond the rough edges.
A man who would probably break his heart.
A man he would still go to the end of the world for, if that would make him smile again, and erase that sadness from his features.
And if his own heart was the price to pay for this….well, for someone like Kanit, it would still be worth it anyway.