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Iruka pinched the bridge of his nose.
These were the children of clan heads.
Sasuke was an Uchiha.
Naruto was the Fourth Hokage's son and was raised by Iruka himself.
Sakura had an excuse. Her parents were civilians.
But still...
Every one of them had graduated from the Academy. They had been assigned to a jōnin instructor.
Which meant that, theoretically, they should have learned at least the basics of chakra sensing.
And yet.
They were currently debating increasingly elaborate methods of uncovering Hatake Kakashi's face.
While Hatake Kakashi sat beside them, unmasked and entirely unnoticed.
Sukea.
He had introduced himself as Sukea.
And he wasn't even masking his chakra.
These children had traveled with Kakashi for months.
Months.
Honestly, Iruka had thought his own Academy pranks had been legendary.
But this?
This transcended trolling.
It was art.
Iruka had spent years believing himself to be a master prankster.
Clearly, Hatake Kakashi had been operating on a level all his own.
Kakashi was a man after his own heart.
“Why would you want to uncover Kakashi’s face?” Iruka asked offhandedly, trying to give them a hint, “Don’t you think that Sukea’s face is a work of art?”
Naruto groaned.
"Yeah, yeah, we get it."
Iruka blinked.
"Get what?"
"You've got a type," Naruto said, waving a hand dismissively. "You don't have to push it on the rest of us."
For a moment, Iruka could only stare.
Beside him, Sukea turned away abruptly.
His shoulders were shaking.
He was laughing.
God. These kids were dumb. They were a lost cause.
"Fine," Iruka sighed. "You have fun trying to unmask Kakashi."
He stood and gestured toward Sukea.
"In the meantime, I'll keep our guest entertained."
Beside him, Sukea's shoulders started shaking all over again.
"No! We need Sukea!" Naruto argued. "He's the one who's going to get Kakashi's photograph. Stop ruining everything."
Iruka stared at him.
Then he looked at Sukea.
Sukea had his face buried in one hand.
His shoulders were still shaking.
He wasn't even trying to hide his laughter anymore.
Iruka looked back at Naruto.
Naruto looked completely serious.
Dear God.
"Naruto," Iruka said carefully, "have you considered that Sukea might have other things he'd rather be doing?"
"No?" Naruto replied.
"I haven't either," Sukea said.
Iruka closed his eyes.
That was Kakashi's voice.
The exact same voice.
Not even disguised.
Across the table, Sasuke frowned.
"Huh."
Hope flared briefly in Iruka's chest.
Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Sukea.
"You kind of sound like Kakashi-sensei."
Hope died.
"A lot of people say that," Sukea replied smoothly.
"Weird."
And just like that, Sasuke moved on.
Iruka contemplated walking into the nearest wall.
"Hey! Look, there's Kakashi!" Naruto yelled, pointing at an obvious clone. "Sukea! Come on. Make a move."
Iruka followed Naruto's finger.
Sure enough, a silver-haired figure was lounging atop a nearby roof.
Reading.
Iruka could just make out the familiar orange cover of Icha Icha.
Beside him, Sukea snorted.
The clone looked up.
Then it gave them a lazy wave.
"There he is!" Sakura hissed.
"Don't let him get away!" Naruto shouted.
"I'm aware of the mission, Naruto," Sasuke snapped.
Iruka looked at Sukea.
Sukea looked at the clone.
The clone looked at Sukea.
They nodded to each other.
Right in front of Team 7.
Nobody noticed.
Iruka suddenly wondered how Kakashi had survived this long.
It had to be luck.
Nobody around him possessed a single survival instinct.
Sasuke managed to get the clone’s mask off somehow. Clearly henged. That was not Kakashi’s face.
"Sukea!" Naruto pleaded. "Take the picture!"
"Of course," Sukea said solemnly.
He raised the camera.
The clone posed.
Click.
Click.
Click.
"Perfect," Sukea said.
"You got it?" Naruto asked eagerly.
"Several excellent shots."
"Yes!"
Iruka buried his face in his hands.
They were congratulating Kakashi.
For successfully photographing himself.
He couldn't do this anymore.
"We got him!" Naruto cheered.
"That wasn't Kakashi's face," Sasuke said, watching the clone pop.
"But it was one of his tricks!"
"Which means we're getting closer," Sakura agreed.
Iruka stared at the three of them.
Then he looked at Sukea.
Then back at Team 7.
"You're not getting closer," he muttered.
"What?" Naruto asked.
"Nothing."
Because explaining the situation would require first explaining how spectacularly they had failed to notice that:
One, Sukea had Kakashi's chakra.
Two, Sukea had Kakashi's voice.
Iruka felt something inside him quietly give up.
“Surely they can’t be this dumb,” Iruka muttered under his breath.
Sukea was still facing forward, one hand over his mouth.
His shoulders were shaking again.
Iruka closed his eyes.
Damn Kakashi and his absurdly good hearing.
“Iruka-sensei,” Sukea purred.
Naruto gasped.
“Iruka! Stop seducing Sukea!”
“I’m not seducing anyone,” Iruka frowned.
“That sounded like flirting,” Sakura said, slightly uncertain.
“It absolutely did,” Naruto nodded.
Iruka slowly turned his head toward Sukea.
“What are you doing?”
Sukea finally looked at him.
“Maintaining my cover,” he said innocently.
Iruka felt a deep, personal sense of betrayal from reality itself.
Okay. If he was going to play that game. Iruka could play along.
“Sukea-san,” Iruka said slowly, leaning in just slightly, “it has been a while. A very long time. There’s an itch that I need scratching.”
Naruto’s jaw dropped.
Sakura made a strangled noise.
Sasuke narrowed his eyes.
Sukea, however, didn’t even flinch.
“Oh?” he said lightly. “Has it?”
Iruka held his gaze.
A silent challenge passed between them.
Team 7, meanwhile, looked like they had accidentally stumbled into an entirely different genre of mission.
“Is this part of tracking Kakashi?” Naruto leaned toward Sakura.
“I don’t think this is part of anything,” Sakura whispered back, “I think Iruka-sensei likes Sukea.”
“Unfortunately,” Sukea sighed, standing up, “I do have work to do.”
“Yes! Go get Kakashi!” Naruto brightened instantly.
“Of course you do.” Iruka didn’t look away from him, “Such a shame. I was really looking forward to getting to know you better.”
Sukea walked a few steps, then paused just long enough to glance back.
“Iruka-sensei,” he said mildly, “try not to distract me again.”
A beat.
Then he added, quieter.
“It makes things… harder.”
And then he was gone.
“He’s so cool.” Naruto gasped.
It was probably a joke.
Which was unfortunate.
Because Iruka had spent the rest of the afternoon wondering what exactly had become harder.
——
A soft sound came from Iruka’s window.
He didn’t turn immediately.
There was only one known person who climbed through people’s windows.
“You are quite the minx,” Kakashi commented from the windowsill.
Iruka froze.
Slowly, he turned his head.
Kakashi was sitting there like he had always belonged there. Mask up. Book open. Completely uninvited.
“Why, thank you.” Iruka snorted, “Should I be worried about your team? Their lack of chakra sensing is quite concerning.”
A lazy page turned.
“They’ll eventually get there,” Kakashi said mildly, as if that explained everything.
Kakashi didn’t look up from his book. The orange cover of Icha Icha caught the lamplight like it was part of the room’s furniture.
“Eventually? I’m not that optimistic.” Iruka exhaled through his nose.
“You’re not?” Kakashi asked, tone light.
“Your team thinks they are closing in on you.” Iruka finally turned fully toward him.
“That’s good for morale.”
“They think they’re photographing you while you’re photographing yourself while you’re—” Iruka stopped, stared at him. “Actually, I don’t even know what they think anymore.”
Kakashi’s eye crinkled.
From the distance outside, a faint shout echoed. Something about “he’s definitely over there!” followed by an explosion that was probably Naruto’s idea of stealth.
“They are not efficient.” Iruka pressed his fingers to his temples again.
“They’re young,” Kakashi said simply.
Sukea has been sitting in front of them for weeks.” Iruka lowered his voice as he stepped closer to the window.
“Iruka,” Kakashi said at last, finally glancing up. “If I corrected every misconception my students had, I’d never finish my book.”
That earned him a look.
“A responsible teacher might consider that part of the job.”
“A responsible teacher,” Kakashi echoed, like he was tasting the phrase. “Dangerous concept.”
Iruka stared at him for a long moment.
“You’re enjoying this.”
“A little.” Kakashi’s eye smiled.
Another distant crash echoed outside.
“So what happens when they finally realize Sukea is you?” Iruka sighed again, longer this time.
“They won’t.” Kakashi flipped another page.
Iruka opened his mouth—
Stopped.
Closed it.
Because the worst part was, he wasn’t entirely sure Kakashi was wrong.
Outside, Naruto’s voice rang out again, triumphant and completely misplaced:
“SEE? I told you he was right there!”
Iruka looked out the window.
Then back at Kakashi.
“…You’ve ruined them.”
“They were like that when I got them.” Kakashi hummed thoughtfully.
“That is not comforting.” Iruka sighed, then leaned back against the wall beside the window.
“So, do you want to tell me why you intentionally made things harder for me?” Kakashi asked curiously.
“You wanted to play with them.” Iruka grinned, “So I decided to play with you.”
Kakashi went very still.
It was subtle.
Just the smallest pause in the rhythm of his breathing, the faintest shift of weight on the windowsill.
But Iruka caught it.
The page of Icha Icha didn't turn.
Kakashi noticed the exact moment Iruka noticed.
“That’s a dangerous admission,” Kakashi said lightly.
Not because of the flirting.
Because Kakashi suddenly looked interested.
“Is it?” Iruka crossed his arms.
Outside, another distant boom echoed through Konoha. Naruto, presumably, had discovered something flammable.
Kakashi finally lowered the book a fraction.
“So,” he said, eye narrowing slightly, “I hear there’s an itch you’d like to scratch?”
“It’s very persistent.” Iruka said lightly, “I can’t seem to reach it.”
For a moment, Kakashi didn’t move.
Then slowly he closed Icha Icha.
The kind of motion that suggested a decision had been made somewhere behind that ever-calm eye.
“Iruka,” Kakashi said.
“Yes?”
"That's not a safe thing to say to me."
"It sounded perfectly safe in my head."
Kakashi stared at him.
Longer than he should have.
“…You’re bold tonight,” Kakashi said at last.
“I’ve been grading essays,” Iruka replied. “It does things to a person.”
Then Kakashi exhaled through his nose almost a laugh, but not quite willing to fully become one.
“You’re going to be a bad influence on them.”
“I already am,” Iruka said. “Apparently I have a type.”
Kakashi’s eye curved again at that, but there was something sharper behind it now.
A pause.
Then Kakashi leaned back slightly on the windowsill, one hand lifting the edge of his book again but not opening it.
“For the record,” Kakashi added lightly, “Sukea thinks you’re distracting.”
“Is that so?” Iruka raised an eyebrow. It was funny that Kakashi still insisted on referring to himself in third person.
A faint pause.
“…Harder to work,” Kakashi amended, voice almost too casual.
Then he was gone.
Out the window.
Into the chaos.
Leaving Iruka alone with the echo of distant explosions and the unsettling realization that the worst part of all of this
Was that Kakashi might not actually be the most dangerous prankster in the room anymore.
The truly concerning part was that Iruka wasn't entirely sure he'd been joking.
Which was a problem for Future Iruka.
Iruka had a different problem right now.
"WAIT!"
Naruto's voice echoed through the night.
"I figured it out!"
Iruka froze.
"Sukea is helping Kakashi because they're cousins."
"That explains everything."
Iruka put his face in his hands.
God. They were hopeless.