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After finishing all of the “Parade to Heaven” performances, Rui couldn't stop worrying. Not because the show had gone wrong; it was quite the opposite, really. The audience showered all of Wonderlands x Showtime with neverending praises, including the staff and other important people that had watched it. Most of the praises were directed to Tsukasa, of course. The lead actor had done an astonishing job, by the guidance of director Sakaki.
However, that's exactly what bothered Rui.
Having this great of a response, he could tell that Tsukasa had found his way on Method acting. He didn't mind much when it was him directing Tsukasa, but now it's a completely different setting. Sakaki didn't mind how broken Tsukasa looked after almost losing his mind to madness, in sake of his character. But Rui did.
When finishing the general cleanup backstage, Rui looked for Tsukasa all over the place, but couldn't find him anywhere. That is, until he saw the boy sitting down on a bench, in a room isolated from anyone else.
“Tsukasa-kun?” He tapped Tsukasa's shoulder from behind, making the boy glance at him. The glance was cold, almost scary. It sent shivers down Rui's spine. That boy didn't look like Tsukasa at all.
Having his star look at him like that… that itself made Rui's breath hitch. That was not the look of love that usually twinkles in Tsukasa's eyes whenever he sees his director.
“Rui, it's you! I was just… trying to look over this final scene again. I feel like I was so close to grasping the character's feelings today…” Tsukasa sighed while his eyes went back to examine the script in his hands. His voice sounded uncanny. Too low to be Tsukasa, or maybe not as soft… Rui couldn't tell.
“There's no need for that, Tsukasa-kun. The performances are already over.” Rui says while looking at the other's focused expression with a worried one on his own face.
“This one might be over, but I need to be ready when a similar opportunity comes at me!” He retorts with a slightly louder voice, which isn't enough to calm Rui down, since his words weren't what he wanted to hear. A similar opportunity might lead to a similar situation, and a similar outcome. That was something Rui absolutely didn't want to see.
“... Like being directed by Sakaki-san again?” Rui's tone had a hint of impatience in it, and he kept staring at Tsukasa until he raised his head to look back with those… weird eyes. The opaque golden hues directed at Rui’s worried gaze still weren't exactly what the director wanted to stare at.
“Well, yes.” The other answered with a frown, looking at Rui's eyes and trying to understand why they looked so troubled. “He's a renowned director, Rui!”
“That doesn't make him a good one.” Rui mumbled to himself, although it was still audible by the blond. He was lying, of course. He knew more than anyone how amazing of a director Sakaki was, and it made him even angrier at the situation. It pissed him off how easy it was for Sakaki to take his actor to such heights, while he was unable to fix what needed to be fixed, using safer methods. Methods he didn't think of yet.
Rui is such a loser.
“Rui, what are you trying to say?” Tsukasa's voice is lower this time, making it clear that he was being dead serious now.
“I didn't like the way he trained you.” The director’s voice goes back to higher volume, as a newfound courage rises for him to say what he's been bothered with. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “You should stop method acting.”
The frown in Tsukasa's face got bigger at these last words, and he scoffed. “What? Rui, that was my best delivery ever, and you want me to quit what made me better? I don't understand.”
“It's not worth getting better by the wrong means. Your mental state along the performances was precarious, Tsukasa-kun. That's not healthy.” Rui kept looking at Tsukasa's face deeply while keeping a steady voice, making sure he sounded professional enough to be taken more seriously. However, Tsukasa's expression didn't seem to waver. His stubborn actor didn't want to listen.
“It wasn't that bad, Rui. I lost myself a little there, but I was fine until the end, you see. If I got too bad, you would intervene! That's what you said when I played Thorpe, remember?” Tsukasa's voice got higher and less uncanny as more words came out of his mouth, but Rui couldn't stop finding it absurd. Exactly as he thought, Tsukasa was more than willing to put his mind at risk for the sake of acting. That's just the kind of person he is.
“But I couldn't intervene when I tried, could I? Sakaki cut me off, and I couldn't— I tried talking to you too, and you didn't even listen.” Rui's words got faster out of his lips, and the boy walked two steps away from the blond to keep himself from saying something he'd regret. Even if he'd already been doing exactly that.
“Of course I couldn't talk to you of all people! I couldn't think about anything other than the last scene, and I can't help but feel at ease when you're around! Besides, it's not like I haven't done similar things with your direction, either.” Tsukasa kept talking with that loud voice of his, making Rui sigh, although still not in resignation.
“Yes, I was the one who introduced you to method acting. It's mostly my fault, I know that. But I don't think that's what's good for you anymore. Shouldn't this be enough?” The boy's words sounded guilty, insecure. In his mind, he sounded pathetic. In the other's mind, he sounded desperate. It made him want to rethink his choices, but he couldn't forget everything Sakaki said to him. Every… promise.
“Sakaki-san said this is what could make me an unforgettable actor.” He replies, looking down at his fidgeting hands on his lap. Tsukasa sounded small, for once. He would still not give up the idea, clearly because Sakaki said exactly what he wanted to hear.
Rui didn't like this at all. He had already doubted the man's ways while the situation was happening, but now it was evident that he had taken advantage of Tsukasa's vulnerabilities. And the sheer thought of what he could've possibly said in those lessons made Rui's blood boil.
“You can't be an unforgettable actor looking like that, Tsukasa-kun! I saw you on that stage! In the last scene, that wasn't William. That was you!” Rui steps closer to the actor, finally exploding. He leans down to look deeply into Tsukasa's eyes, poking his chest with force, as if that gesture would make his anger and worry dissolve. “You broke character in the middle of the performance and no one even noticed because of how deeply lost you were. Do you have any idea of how dangerous it was for that to happen while your hands were encircling Nene’s neck?”
The director was already too lost in his heated monologue to notice how Tsukasa’s frown deepened even more. It was not like Rui to lash out at him like this. Actually, lash out at anyone. The last time the actor saw that, it was at the beginning of their troupe. The words said by Rui then and the way he treated him afterwards was a dreadful thing to remember. And it was with dread and fear that Tsukasa kept listening.
“You can never be a world future star if you get completely mad in the process. And I know for sure I'm not going to be able to take it if you keep looking at me with William's eyes or talking to me with his words, even outside the stage.” The last sentence sounded more sentimental than it should, making Rui click his tongue and step back again. This wasn't about Tsukasa anymore, it was about them.
Tsukasa slowly stood up, stepping towards Rui and closing the distance again, refusing to break eye contact. “... Are you saying this as my director?”
The blond’s soft voice made Rui shiver. That was the first time in that conversation he sounded like the boy he loves. If the situation was different, he'd be melting completely by now. However, he was currently unable to say any of the cheesy phrases his mind had thought of.
“I don't know. Can I even say this as your director anymore?” He sighs, turning around to face the door. This sounded so out of character for him. Maybe he should just stop talking. This conversation isn't going anywhere good. “I’ll go out for a while.” Rui continues while striding quickly towards the door, running away from all that.
“W-Wait, Rui!” Tsukasa's body moves before his mind can process, and he tugs to Rui's shirt, preventing him from going out. “Don’t do this again, please. Don’t go.”
Rui turns in confusion. Not because of his sudden action, but because of his words. “Do what again?”
“Get angry at me and leave.” The actor lets go of Rui's shirt with embarrassment, avoiding eye contact. “Can't we just keep talking, this time?”
Tsukasa's expression looked strangely vulnerable. What was he talking about, anyways?
Is it about when I left Wonderlands x Showtime, that one time? Rui thinks. Does he still think about that? Is he still affected by it?
Without thinking any longer, Rui stops on his way out and just lets his star lead him back inside the room. “Yes, we can keep talking. I'm sorry for that.” He naturally apologizes, sitting down quietly and continuing to discuss the matter with his actor, even if their feelings don't overlap. Because even if they don't, the challenge of finding a way out it's still exciting. And, for both of them, that's exactly what it means to love each other.