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Norns, everything hurts.
It felt like his soul was being sucked out of his body. There was a blurry figure in front of him, probably Ebony. He was barely conscious the only thing he could feel was pain.
Just pain
Another spike of pain swiped at him. He let out a scream, he didn’t care anymore.
Just make it stop…
What in the Helheim could the possibly be doing. He was bathed in blood. His own blood.
He wanted his brother.
He wanted Thor.
Too much blood loss could kill him if they weren’t careful. He knew the last thing Thanos wanted was for him to be dead. He wanted Loki to be tortured, then killed.
Loki had always feared death, he was always running from it. Now, he was yearning for it, more than ever.
They gagged his mouth to stop him from screaming, he didn’t even know he was screaming. He felt something poke his skin then a hot rush of warm liquid. Iron.
They were injecting liquid iron in his body. He panicked, he mustered all his strength and kicked at them. He didn’t care if it made a difference or not.
Just make it stop.
Blood gushed from his mouth, it tasted disgusting. He rolled to his side and threw up. He wasn’t expecting blood to leak out. It was dark and under different circumstances, it might have looked pretty.
Now wasn’t the time to think about that.
He was alone and nobody was coming to save him. Nobody would want save him anyways.
Loki shook the thought to the back of his mind but, that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
The words stung.
He hated himself for believing them.
The blood didn’t look like it was stopping soon. He was hopeless.
He could barely see, how was he going to get out of here. There were no exits that were clear of guards.
The whole ship was covered with guards.
Oh norns, what will he do? He couldn’t just give up. He couldn’t let Thanos know that he had overpowered him. That he was weak and pathetic. He wouldn’t let Thanos have the satisfaction of knowing he had torn him apart. He’d rather die.
He tries to sit up, pain shoots across his chest. He was drowning in the pain, and this time nobody was here to tend his wounds.
He traced a hand across his chest. There were nine breaks spread across the area.
Loki takes a deep breath and dragged himself the floor, crawling towards the vents. But he doesn’t get far.
He collapses mid-way, breathing raggedly on the floor.
Breathe
Breathe
It’ll be okay.
But nothing was okay. He was about to collapse on the floor, on the verge of death. Death wasn’t an ideal next-door neighbor.
Thor
The world went dark.
***
Thor cursed under his breath and tightened his grip on Mjolnir. Loki had to be somewhere.
Frigga’s voice suddenly came from behind, making Thor jump.
His mother seemed to sense that something was wrong, she sat beside him and stroked his hair gently. She then said,” Tell me what happened, Thor”
“It’s Loki,” he finally said
“What about Loki?” Frigga didn’t know? Odin must have kept this from her too. He wasn’t the only one. That made him feel a bit better, but not much.
” Loki he’s…uh” Norns curse it! How was he supposed to say this? My manipulative Father took my brother and now he’s being tortured and I don’t know what to do. No, he couldn’t say that, even if he wanted to.
She rests her hand on his forearm reassuringly, she gently spoke,” Loki is in danger, isn’t he?”
Thor nods
His tongue had turned to lead. Why did he have to be the only one in the family born without a silver tongue?
She sighed deeply
“It’ll be alright, Loki will be alright” she gave Thor a strained smile, but didn’t look like she believed what she said. Thor wondered whether Frigga was reassuring him or herself, maybe both.
“I suspect Odin’s behind this” Frigga seemed to read his expression well, despite the walls surrounding it.
“He is” said Thor he didn’t feel good, he had always thought the all-father was good, never thought he would be so…corrupted.
There used to be days Thor wanted to be just like his father, back then he young and naïve. Back then he only wanted attention, and he was bathed in it. He was always in the spotlight, while Loki never was.
How could he have been so stupid? This would have never happened if he had just been there for Loki. If he had ever just paid attention to him.
He loved Loki, with his whole heart.
So why didn’t he act like it?
The throne. That stupid throne was the only thing Odin cared about. He didn’t care whether or not his sons lived or died. The only reason he was keeping Thor alive was to have control to the throne, even after his rule. Like a pig for slaughter.
Like a pawn
He needed to find Loki
He needed a way out of Asgard. Without Odin noticing.
He looked at his mother, Frigga was staring at waves.
She seemed to notice him staring at sent him a questioning look.
“I need to find Loki” he said firmly as if daring her to argue.
“Thor, I understand that you want to look for your brother but your Father won’t let you” she said sharply
“So, I’m supposed to let my younger brother die? I will find Loki and there’s no stopping me. I’ve been protecting him before I could even write, and now you won’t let me find him just because of my father. He’s, my brother. My baby brother. I don’t wanna lose him.” He took deep breathes, his voice felt suspiciously over-whelmed.
“Stop shouting Thor, I understand you want to find your brother and I will help you” that explains the scared look on her face. He was shouting and he didn’t realize it.
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t realize” he apologised
“It’s alright” she gave him another strained smile
Loki was all he could think about, norns he hoped he was okay.
Thor and Frigga made their way back to the castle. Both of them didn’t speak a word about Thor’s outburst. The silence between them was a painful reminder that Loki’s voice would never break it.
***
Thor ran into his room, shoving the doors close.
And began to cry.
Hot tears gushed down his face, the only thing he could focus on was Loki.
Loki
Loki
His best friend. His brother was gone…
The world felt too…
Too lonely
He was sick and tired of Odin’s lies, He didn’t want to see his father’s face ever again. He would never see it as The All-Father but as a monster.
Odin was a monster…
He hated himself for being ashamed.
It was the truth.
No more lies. That’s all he ever wanted.
He wanted the truth.
But it still hurt though…
“It hurts, doesn’t it? Being lied to” Loki had told him that a few years ago and it did more than ever. Thor couldn’t imagine the pain Loki must have felt when he was told that he was a frost giant. Odin had taught them to hate frost giants, he had told them that they were blood thirsty creatures who deserve to be killed.
Loki wasn’t blood thirsty nor does he deserved to be killed.
Wherever Loki was, Thor was certain he wasn’t happy, he was in pain. Thor could still sense his seidr Loki could be on the other side of the planet and Thor would know where he is. His seidr was weak, probably due to starvation and…other ways Thor doesn’t want to name.
He needed help he couldn’t do this alone.
Frigga won’t help him, she’s too scared of Odin. Thor doesn’t blame her, he’d be too. Asking her would be useless, but you never know. She just might help him, since she was the only one who could help him.
It’s worth a shot.
Thor grabbed his suitcase, stuffed it with all the cloths he could possibly find and ventured into the dark corridor.
He came to a sudden halt at Loki’s chambers, and soon found himself inside the room.
There weren’t many decorations except a few pictures of them when they were younger.
He opened the Loki’s cupboard, inside was his battle armour, his horny helmet, a few night suits and his daily attire. His attention came to a small box tucked away in the corner.
Thor carefully unravelled the wrapping, as gently as he could.
It was a picture of him, it was well maintained, there was a note folded and tucked into the side. He opened the paper and creased it’s folds. There were only two words scrawled on it, in Loki’s curved handwriting.
“I’m sorry”
The words meant everything to him.
Loki cared too.
That was enough for him.
He had always thought Loki hated him. He didn’t understand why, what did he so great to cause this. Loki’s forgiveness did not come for free, it was earned.
He had just never understood, Loki cared all along, he just never showed it. He didn’t know how to show it.
Since no one ever showed it to him.
Loki’s life had been like this from the start, and Thor was realizing this right now, norns how did Loki live like this?
He must have hated it.
Thor would’ve.
He felt guilty. Loki deserved everything but got nothing, meanwhile he got everything, Loki should hate him after everything Thor had done him. He should be the one apologising, and he will.
He would get Loki back and fix everything, no matter what was stopping him he would overcome it.
For his best friend.
For his brother.
For Loki.
Thor ran through the dark corridor, towards the queen’s chambers, when a voice came from behind.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Thor froze it was his mother.
He turned to meet her, “I was looking for you” he said earnestly
“In the middle of the night?” she raised an eyebrow
“I-I need your help finding Loki…” Thor begged. Please he needed to find his brother. He wouldn’t be able to cope with another loss especially Loki’s death.
Thor lifted his gaze to meet her eyes, they were streaked with tears.
Frigga was…crying
He took her hands, hoping that would comfort her and spoke, “Please I need your help, I need to save him” Thor found himself unable to use Loki’s name.
“Thor, I don’t know…How do we help him when he’s watching” she nudged him forward, pointing him towards a door.
A hot rush of anger filled him, his father was the reason they couldn’t save Loki. Just because he didn’t care didn’t mean they didn’t.
” Please” his voice barely above a whisper.
“I’ll help you but I can’t promise you that I’ll come, you’ll have to do that on your own” she seemed to hesitate.
***
Thor stood at the castle gates, he was to meet Frigga in five minutes.
Norns, he was nervous.
He couldn’t tell where his body’s shaking started and ended. Why was he so nervous? He had done a ton of quests like these. No, it was different.
His brother’s life depended on him.
Him.
The shaking worsened. He trembled awkwardly as Frigga emerged from the gates.
"I can get you close to him," Frigga said, her voice tight with strain. "No farther."
"Close is enough," Thor replied.
Frigga would conjure a portal for him. This portal would take him wherever Loki’s magic signature last was, most probably the nearest point connected to Loki but, not the exact location.
Sounds easy, right?
It isn’t.
She snapped her eyes shut and moved her finger in a circular direction which Thor, who has never studied magic in his life has no idea what it means. He had only ever seen Loki do it once before but he never bothered to ask.
Because it wasn’t important.
Now wasn’t the time to dwell on it.
Thor stepped into the portal, an odd nerve-whacking sensation hit him, it felt like roaches were crawling all over his body, he shaked of the tingling. His body was numb, his hands twitching weirdly.
He had arrived in a vast chamber. The walls were shaped like human ribs. The tech almost looked organic like it was grown, not built. There was a sign which read “Chitauri Sanctuary” so, this was what this horrifying place was called.
Loki’s seidr aura was growing stronger, he must be close.
To him, this place looked pretty abandoned. He couldn’t think of a reason why Loki would be here.
Because he’s being tortured idiot.
The silence ringed in his ears, it was too quiet. If Thor dropped a pencil the sound would echo all around the chamber.
And also get him killed.
He didn’t want to know whether him meant him, Thor.
Or if it meant Loki.
He found himself at the end of the chamber, ahead was a candle-lit corridor, the flames were almost out, Thor had to squint to see.
He comes across a large number of restraint frames, specifically mounted on the wall, those were the worst kind, followed by scratch marks on the walls, scorch marks probably made by Loki’s magic. Thor realized with a shudder, dried blood, pieces of shattered glass.
He came to halt at the last cell.
It was him, sitting with his back facing the door.
Loki’s cell was covered with blood, lot’s and lot’s of blood. Loki was the last prisoner left, the only one who wasn’t freed. Thor could hardly process all of this. Who on the Helheim would do this?
Were they splitting open Loki’s skull?
Thor supressed a sob, resisting his sudden urge to cry.
“What brings you here, Brother?” spoke Loki his voice irie calm. He still doesn’t look at him. Why won’t he look at him?
“You should go” said Loki as if Thor was the one in danger.
“I’m here to save you, to take you back home” said Thor addressing Loki’s first question.
Loki laughed mechanically, “I have no home, your All-Father made sure of that” he hissed.
“Loki come with me, Frigga is waiting” Loki’s eyes seemed to gleam when he mentioned their mother’s name but, the light was sucked out as soon as it came.
“Thor you should go, Maste- Thanos. Thanos is coming” Loki seemed scared, who could scare Loki. Who could scare his little brother that much.
“Thanos? who’s Than-“ he started to ask but, Loki bet him to it.
“Listen Thor, you need to go Thanos is coming and…he’ll kill me. He’s going to kill all of us. Please save yourself” Loki’s eyes were wide with fear.
“I won’t go without you” said Thor stubbornly
Loki smiled sadly, “That’s the problem, I can’t get out”
“I’ll-I’ll find a way” he croaked, his voice raw with emotion, he was not going to leave Loki behind, never. He summoned Mjolnir into his hands and began to struck the door with all his might. His first attempt died in vain but the second cracked the glass and the third shattered it completely.
He held out his hand for his brother, but Loki shook his head.
“What’s the matter now? “Thor asked, frustration slowly seeping in his voice, why won’t Loki just come with him?
“I can’t come Thor, I’m supposed to die now…and there’s nothing you can do” he added sadly.
“It doesn’t matter where I run or hide, Thanos will find me” he let out choked sob.
Tears began to blur Thor’s vision. He sat beside his brother, pulling him into a hug. Loki wept quietly on his shoulder. Loki was so thin, he could feel his ribcage despite the fact he was wearing a jacket and was covered from head to toe.
“I’m sorry…” Loki began to say, but seemed to find himself uncapable of doing such.
“It’s okay…” murmured Thor reassuringly. If these were his last moments with his brother, he wanted to spend them well.
No, what was he thinking? Loki wasn’t going to die.
“Brother” he croaked out “I can’t-can’t do this with-with out you, I don’t want-want to” his voice was trembling terribly.
Please don’t leave me.
I can’t do this.
Not without you.
He pulled his brother closer. He could feel Loki breathing down on his neck. His breathes were short gasps. He was panicking.
Thor wanted to tell him that it was okay, they were going to be fine. But his tongue seemed to fail him. Loki didn’t deserve this.
He didn’t care, Loki was going to come with him.
He swinged Mjolnir in his arms preparing for fight. If Loki won’t come willingly, Thor will take him by force. Loki seemed to realize what he was doing a spilt second before he did it.
“No!” He screamed, he kicked at Thor desperately but, he missed terribly
***
They flew across the vast skies, darn it! He couldn’t stop shivering, it was cold. Thor had never been this high and he should probably go lower sooner or later or else they might freeze to death.
Thor would freeze to death but Loki would be fine, his Jotun heritage was useful in these ways. Especially to save his life.
He was grateful for that.
Loki didn’t protest, he simply chose to remain silent.
Loki was always so awfully quiet, that’s what makes him different from other Asgardians. They were loud and all they did was talk, his brother did the opposite. He listened.
When they were younger Thor always used to find himself complaining to Loki about one thing or the other, and Loki he just stayed quiet. Always observing, always watching.
Loki’s silvertougue didn’t exactly help either. His words were always sharp and cut like a knife. One that left you bleeding and it never seemed to stop. They were worse than a knife Thor realized.
He knew his brother never meant it.
But it hurts all the same.
Loki just knew how to get under his skin, he didn’t even need to say anything.
That’s brotherhood for you.
“Thor” Loki murmured softly “You oaf, you’re going to get us killed” his voice lacked the usual energy it had. Loki was probably exhausted.
“I couldn’t leave you there” he protested “Not in that horrid place” his voice filled with disgust, he shuddered as he imagined the creepy rib cage structured. Does Loki truly think so little of him?
Loki fell asleep after that from what Thor guessed was sheer exhaustion.
The wind rattled against his hair, pushing it back from his face. It seemed to soothe him, like he was being cradled by his mother’s loving arms.
“Rest little brother” he spoke gently, pulling Loki closer to him. He combed his hand through Loki’s dark and shiny hair. A few minutes later Thor found himself tying Loki’s hair into an elaborate braid Loki would make for him when they were younger.
It was about time he returned the favour.
***
The first rays of sunlight streaked the sky. The golden lights of the palace danced in the dawn.
Loki shifted uncomfortably in his arms.
For the first time in months, Thor allowed himself to hope.
He swooped down in the palace’s direction. His feet gently touched the floor. Years of practice made sure he didn’t fall, he tightened his grip on his brother.
He received a curt nod from the guard and he hurried inside.
Loki needed a healer.
Loki had regained his consciousness, his eyes bored into the side of his head. Thor climbed down a few flights of stairs and ran into Madam Eir herself.
She looked at Loki then at Thor and let out a long sigh, “Give him here”
They carefully made their way back to the Healing Wing. Loki looked slightly like he was going to throw up. Thor quietly followed behind Eir making sure not to block her way. He felt Loki’s stare lingering on him, he forced his eyes to look at his younger brother but Loki had already averted his gaze.
Loki’s avoiding his gaze. Again.
A rush of panic spread across his mind and suddenly looking at those emerald eyes became important. Thor forced himself to calm down, taking in a deep breath but the tension in his shoulders didn’t fade, it only grew.
He attempted to get close to Eir but she came to a sudden halt and Thor had to put all his might to stop himself from bumping into her. She sent him a questioning look and Thor felt his cheeks grow hot with embarrassment.
The woman guides Loki to the bed and immediately straps an IV onto his left arm, she eyes a screen Thor assumes are Loki’s vitals which seem to be dropping rather quickly.
“His vitals are low” she announces confirming Thor’s suspicions.
His heart starts beating faster against his ribcage, Madam Eir offers him a seat but he stubbornly refuses, believing the longer he stands the faster Loki will be better.
Loki’s face is scrunched up in obvious discomfort.
Thor wants to reach out and squeeze his brothers hand, reassure him everything is alright.
But he doesn’t do that.
He just stands there uselessly besides, there isn’t much he can do.
Loki let out a sharp gasp, Thor’s neck snapped up to look at him.
All color had been washed from his face, his eyes shut in obvious pain, his fingernails digging into the tender flesh of his arm as if it might ease the pain. It was clearly not working, Loki knows this because he releases the tight grip and starts fidgeting with the corner of the blanket he spread across his legs.
Thor walks towards his sibling but stops when he notices Eir staring, she gives him a nod of approval and Thor grabs Loki’s hand giving it a quick squeeze of reassurance. He was fairly surprised when Loki squeezed his hand in return.
His brother wasn’t exactly the type of person who was fond of touch. But he seemed to appreciate it all the same.
Eir carefully extracted a vial from the bottom shelf of the healing room. The vial’s contents were a sick, pale green color. Thor eyed the liquid suspiciously. A foul smell covered the room as she split opened the cork. She gingerly transferred a small amount of the mysterious liquid into a small beaker.
Loki curled on himself shaking his head and pushes Eir’s outstretched arm back.
“Loki” Eir coaxed.
“No, I refuse to take the sedative” said Loki drawing his knees even closer to his chest in what Thor thinks is an attempt to comfort himself.
***
Loki fidgets with the corner of the blanket on the hospital bed, Did they think him weak? Fragile? Incapable of taking care of himself? He could handle the pain, why couldn’t they see that?
You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.
Loki barely repressed a shudder at those words, he noticed Thor staring and his cheeks grew hot with embarrassment. Thor wasn’t supposed to see that.
He snapped his attention back to Eir. Her long, bony hands ran across his wound. Pus leaked out of the injury but at least it wasn’t blood. Eir held the thread with her teeth, with a steady hand she began stitching the skin piece by piece. Loki tried not to grimace at the pain but his efforts were quickly overthrown.
At his side Thor squeezed his hand tighter for which Loki was grateful for. He desperately needed a distraction from the pain.
He tries to bring all his attention to his older brother ignoring the fact that he wants to rip out his hair. He was scared that if he opened his mouth, he wouldn’t stop screaming. So, he silently sits there trying to ignore the pain while chewing on the left side of his inner cheek.
Thor’s vibrant blue eyes lift up to his own finally noticing his stare, his brother moves his free hand to open the messy braid which he had not noticed that it was there until now, and waved a hand through his hair.
Loki squeezed his eyes shut as Eir moved to the wound on his shoulder, that particular injury had been throbbing for days, it was annoying to say the least.
The rest of his body ached everywhere his back was on fire and his migraine wasn’t doing him any good.
He wanted to laugh, these were the least of his concerns. Oh, what his master will do once he finds out Loki escaped. He quickly realized he didn’t want to know.
Thor was a fool for bringing him back to Asgard but felt relived all the same. Anything was better than that-that prison. That horrifying Sanctuary. The thought of it made Loki want to throw up.
“There all done” announced Eir patting his broken leg gently.
“When will I be able to walk again?” asked Loki genuinely curious.
“In a week or so, keep of that leg or you’ll only risk damaging it further.” When he nodded Eir left the room giving the brothers some privacy.
“So, how are you feeling?” asked Thor, he sounded concerned.
Loki shifted slightly, testing the weight in his injured leg before letting out a quiet breath. “I’ve felt better,” he admitted, gaze fixed somewhere just past Thor’s shoulder. “But I’ve also felt far worse.”
Thor huffed a small, relieved laugh, pulling a chair closer to the bedside. “That’s not exactly reassuring.”
“It’s honesty,” Loki replied dryly.
Thor leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. "You don't have to pretend you're fine with me."
Loki's expression barely shifted, though his gaze lingered on the blanket draped over his legs. "I'm not pretending."
"No," Thor said softly. "You're avoiding the truth."
A faint, humorless smile tugged at the corner of Loki's mouth. "That's a dangerous habit to accuse a liar of."
“Mhmm now tell me what happened” remembering Loki’s infamous talent for lying and twisting words he quickly added. “All of it”
Loki didn’t know where to start. There was so much that had happened during his time in the void that it felt overwhelming having to explain it all. So, Loki began telling his tale but he could tell that Thor knew he was editing parts of the story. He didn’t question it so he moved on.
By the time his tale had finally come to an end the sun had dipped well below the horizon. Loki tried to remember the last time he basked in it’s light and quickly found he couldn’t. The Chitauri had always preferred working in the dark.
He hated it.
He wishes he could just stop think about it. (Stop. Stop. Stop.)
He tried to focus on the vase kept next to his bedside, noting how the designs represented Midgard’s famous tulip gardens in- what was the place again? Netherlands. Yes, the tulip gardens in Netherlands. Loki had never personally visited the place but he certainly wished too. It had always been a private longing of his.
Tulips were quite a rare flower in Asgard, and they grew at a slow pace so most farmers didn’t even bother to try and grow them.
Unfortunately for him, Thor caught him staring ,”Do you like it?”
He gave a small nod, he wasn’t in the mood for conversations.
He reached for the glass of water set beside the vase, he almost dropped the water but Thor managed to steady his shaking hand. Loki raised the glass to his lips and downed the thing in one gulp, receiving a skeptical look from Thor which, he happily ignored.
Norns, he didn’t realize how dehydrated his body was.
***
*a few months later…*
Thor couldn’t sleep that night.
He tossed and turned in his bed, experimenting different angles to sleep in. When he soon realized this was a fruitless attempt, he let his thoughts wander off. His troubles consuming every bit of energy he had yet, his mind remained restless.
He lay still letting the silence calm him.
He was grateful Loki had decided to come with him.
He knew his brother regretted what he did, and Thor knew that he could change. Loki had already started changing back into the man he was. The man Thor loved so dearly. He saw the way Loki’s eyes lit up when the Eir managed to uncover the truth by running some tests on him, proving the usage of Mind Stone on his brother by the Mad Titan.
His younger brother just gawked at him.
There were still nights where Loki would scream in absolute terror, mistaking him for the Chitauri. But the episodes had lessened over the past few months.
Thor smiled to himself.
***
Thor got up as early as he deemed acceptable, he was always more of an early riser than a night owl anyways.
He was surprised to find Loki outside, his brother had settled himself on a rock. Loki stared at the sunrise, eyes unfocused.
Thor took a seat next to him. Attempting to get his brother to talk he asked, “How do you fare, brother?”
“Well enough” answered Loki, his voice felt distant.
“Not in the mood for small talk, are we?” Thor teased.
“Am I ever?” Loki retorted.
Thor gave a small laugh, trust his brother to lighten his mood.
“The Avengers wanted to talk to you” Thor informed him.
Loki raised his eyebrows in disbelief, “I attempted to invade their planet, why would they want to talk to me?”
Thor simply shrugged.
“I don’t hate them you know, their quite nice and I appreciate their concern. But I don’t think I’m ready to meet them just yet.” Loki admitted.
At Thor’s silence Loki continued, ““Now I wait… and see what fate Thanos has decided for me.”