Chapter Text
Ragatha had always been very touchy feely. Being a ragdoll really was the perfect translation of her very soul— just a woman who wanted nothing more than to be there to give you a big, warm hug when you needed it. It was as much for you as it was for her, honestly. She wanted to love and to be loved, and one of her favorite ways to show it was through touch.
Pomni, on the other hand, didn’t care much for touch. That... might not be the case anymore, though? But that’s not entirely true, either— she didn't like how her hand brushed against Zooble’s as they handed her a drink a few nights ago. Or when Gangle tried to get her attention by putting one of her delicate little ribbon hands on Pomni’s arm during their last adventure. It made her digital skin crawl.
And it wasn’t like she didn’t love her friends— of course she did! It was just... something was different. Ragatha was different. She didn’t know how or why. And thinking about it too hard would make her rubbery guts twist. That’s probably nothing, right?
Recent events at the circus left the cast emotionally charged, to say the least. The upheaval of your entire world can lead to some complicated feelings. But there were also some good feelings that came out of it, despite it all. One of those good feelings was nurtured by Ragatha's comforting touch. The jester found herself replaying these moments in her mind. The way her soft mitt found its way to her puffy shoulder, the way she'd gently heft her weight to lean into the shorter woman, the way she became the jester's entire world during their hug... but, as normalcy— or as close to "normal" you could get here— returned to the circus, Pomni had quietly picked up on Ragatha's gradual return to her usual orbit around the jester. Just out of reach. And that bothered her.
A reassuring pat to one of Zooble’s many arms, a hand tenderly grasping at Gangle’s ribbon, a big hug goodnight for Kinger— but Ragatha had nothing more than a smile and some finger guns for poor little Pomni. Oh, how that made her stew... what was going on with her? And WHY did Ragatha refuse to touch her?! Well, it was her fault, she realizes late one night in the middle of a particularly nasty spiral. Pomni was the one who initiated that hug, not the other way around.
It was as if a cartoon light bulb could ding into existence overhead. Ragatha was just being considerate, despite herself. She had firsthand experience with the little jester flinching and ducking away, as if she would be burned by any hand that was lain on her. She didn't want to make Pomni uncomfortable. Duh.
It was up to Pomni to initiate— or, better yet, just come right out and tell her very good friend that she’d like to be treated with a similar amount (if not more so, she considers) of affection that all her friends had been receiving! But that would be too easy, right?
Pomni doesn’t even have time to process that last thought before she conks out, sleep finally taking her.
When the digital sun rises and morning comes, Pomni can't help but skip out of her room with newfound confidence. The little jester zeros in on the ragdoll of her desire, situated in the common area, currently trying her best to conjure something into existence. Her minky tongue sticking slightly out of her mouth in concentration. Pomni was just gonna go for it.
"Heya, Ragatha!" She bounds up and practically throws herself into the ragdoll’s arms— she catches her, of course, the plane of whatever she was trying to conjure quickly poofing from existence and already forgotten.
Oh, god, she couldn’t breathe. Her hair is going to stick up any second now. What was this stupid little clown doing to her fragile candy heart?
"How’d ya sleep?" Pomni stands on her tippy toes, getting dangerously close to Ragatha’s flushed face.
Oh-kay!
"Fine!" Ragatha barks, wrenching her arms from the jester and takes a very generous step in the opposite direction.
Pomni tumbles forward and faceplants.
"Just fine! How about you, Pomni?" She continues to inch away, as if she didn’t just drop the jester like a hot potato. "You seem... like you’re in a good mood...?" The words come out of her felt mouth more like a question than a statement.
This behavior was. Odd. Ragatha just had to act like everything was normal, though! Maybe Pomni had some stupid sauce when she wasn’t looking...?
"Oh, I’m great, I’m just," the rubbery little jester bounces herself back to her feet, surging forward again, "happy to see you." She wraps her arms around Ragatha’s waist, pinning the ragdoll’s arms to her sides, and nuzzles her big dumb head into the fabric of her dress.
What the f%$!# is happening.
With surprising strength Ragatha manages to break free from this little weirdo’s grasp and promptly books it in a random direction— calling out something about needing to talk to Caine about something very important, like, right now, as she practically sprints away.
Maybe she came on a little strong. A little out of character, even...? Literally just throwing this... level of closeness that she'd like to incorporate into their relationship at the poor ragdoll wasn't going to work, clearly. She reconsiders her approach— that last fuzzy thought before sleep took her scratching at the back of her big, dumb head...
Maybe she needs to just... swallow her thoroughly trounced digital pride and confess to the ragdoll that she just wants to be. Touchy. The request sits awkwardly on her rubbery tongue. But, god, the thought that Ragatha won’t touch her makes her skin itch more than when the others in the circus do touch her. She silently declares that she owes Ragatha two things: one, an apology. And two, an explanation. Now, she just has to track the ragdoll down so she can give them to her.
What was that all about? When did the jester get so... touchy feely? And why did she want nothing more than to match the energy she had been just so graciously and willingly given? She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She has to respect Pomni’s boundaries— but, god, did she make it so hard with whatever that just was! She’s dreamed of that hug Pomni had given her, her mind bathing the moment in a dim pink light despite the circus being dark at the time.
God, what was wrong with her?
She loved offering her reassuring touch to all of her friends— even Caine had received a tender pat to his gummy head from her a time or two in recent days. It was just... something was different. Pomni was different. She didn’t know how or why. And thinking about it too hard would make her cotton filled guts twist. That’s probably nothing, right...?
No, actually, it is something. And she knows it. Deep down she’s always known it.
She had always known the truth about the circus, too. But she isn't sure if she has the courage to utter this truth. To make it live, tangible, real— well, as real as her digital life could be. Which, it is real, she had decided, thanks to her friends. But that decision to take her life seriously, to hold it along with her friends preciously, makes accepting this... thing about herself even harder. A hot wash of shame settles over her fabric skin. Mama would be disgusted. Before her thoughts can get away from her, the truth about her life here in circus strikes her— why should she, Ragatha, care? It’s not like she’ll ever have to deal with her Mother again.
That relief is suddenly dashed away as she considers herself, out there, in the real world. She cut off contact with her Mother, and that did give her some comfort... so, did she feel the same way? She must have, right? These feelings started long ago, well before the circus, probably somewhere in the halls of her all girl middle school. Right now, Ragatha wanted nothing more than to talk to herself— to ask for some guidance, to ask how she was and where she stood with her... feelings. She’d been living out there, ten years of different experiences. Had she accepted herself? She considers, just for a moment, asking Caine to scour her social media for more information. But deep down she knows the truth. In this world, in the real world, in every god%$!# world, she was sure of it— she was a lesbian.
And, oh, of course— her amazing digital gay awakening just had to be one of the five relationships in her entire world! And, oh, yeah, did I mention she just happens to be her closest friend? Great. Great! That's just... great...