Chapter Text
They're carving my name in the grave again
The flowers are fresh and their faces wet
My body has died, but I'm still alive
Look over your shoulder, I'm back from the dead
Finney looked at the clock on the wall as it turned 4am, he adjusted his position on the couch, his back was sore from sleeping there for the last couple of years but it’s the only place he felt safe and comfortable enough to do so. No one could sneak up on him from any angle that he couldn't see within his field of vision. He decided to get up and stretch, it was going to be another sleepless night. He made his way to the kitchen, splashing some cold water on his face, and carefully took himself out to the back yard.
He lit his blunt and hoped it would take away the nightmare he had experienced tonight, it was always the same, well it was always the same scenario. He was 13 again, cornered in the basement, sometimes in his room upstairs, the boy’s toilets at school or even in the back of the black van with the magic company's logo plastered on the side. Paralysed with fear as a silhouetted devil approached him, pearly teeth gleaming in the dark. The belt slowly sliding from strong hips and being tied around his wrists, on really bad nights, his throat. He could only cry silently as a heavy weight settled on top of him, trapping him. His shirt was lifted, pants pulled down, unwanted touches, his tears licked away from his face, whispers from the voice he cannot forget.
“My special boy, my good boy, my Finney.”
The feelings of shame, fear, disgust, guilt and desire all rolled into one as his body responded to the touch. He goes to scream but all that can escape his lips are quiet whimpers and moans. He can wake himself up before it gets too far, bolting up sweating, heart hammering and sometimes a wet patch in his pants. It’s only slightly better than the first year after his captivity where he wet himself for 6 months most nights. His father had never had so much patience and understanding in his face.
It made Finney feel nauseous and weak.
He shook his head as he inhaled another hit and looked out into the yard. He gritted his teeth as he saw the apparition of his tormentor through the trees, standing and staring at him like he would when he stood at the entrance of his prison. It frightened Finney when it first happened, not long after he had taken up this habit of coping, his father and sister rushing to his aid as his horrified screams filled the air. It still makes him feel on edge and sometimes makes him jump when he’s really sleep deprived but tonight he watches it with an air of caution. His mind flashes back to old memories, The Grabber gently sweeping his curls away from his forehead, his large hand cupping his face with adoration.
Finney looked out to his apparition, the spirit of old defiance and false bravado urging him to acknowledge it.
“If you try to touch me, I’ll scratch your face.”
His apparition acknowledged him and answered reenacting the performance he did when Finney first threatened him. It caused an involuntary shiver to run up Finney’s spine.
“This face?”
Finney’s lip quivered and he shut his eyes, he took another hit and when he opened his eyes again, he was alone.
He sat at the breakfast table in silence, most days he would be in a dissociative state until someone interacted with him. He didn’t keep much company these days but his father made an effort everyday to get Finney talking and into a normal routine. Gwen helped as well although she was more preoccupied with her teenage years, chasing boys, hanging out with her girlfriends and working a part time job to earn some cash.
Finney was meant to be starting college this year but finishing high school has taken a massive toll on his mental health as it was. There wasn’t anyone at school who didn’t know who he was. Some looked at him like he was a hero, some looked at him with empathy and some looked at him with disgust. Finney never spoke about what had happened but the rumour mill at school was rife, the local media also fanned the flame of Finney’s story though he had never spoken to a media outlet and had no desire to. The detectives on his case were sympathetic and offered support but that died down after the first year, new crimes took their time away to check in on little Finney Blake, the boy who survived The Grabber. The fights at school didn't help, often finding himself in the principals office, always let off with a caution as they understood how cruel kids could be.
“Morning Finn, I made you a bowl of your favourite cereal, why don’t you have some son? You are looking a little peaky.”
Terrence Blake was looking down at his son with a fake smile and cheery attitude plastered on. Finney slowly lifted his gaze to acknowledge him, Terrence’s eyes winced briefly at the sight of his eldest. Finney’s eyes had constant dark circles around them, he truly wondered if his son ever slept anymore. He can’t remember the last time Finney smiled, his face always defaulting to blank sadness. He missed the bright, cheery, clever young lad he used to be. Terrence felt immense guilt at how he would snap at his son on those hungover mornings, he had always been a good kid.
“Thanks.”
With practiced automation, Finney picked up his spoon and started to eat his cereal, always careful not to slurp as he stared out to nothing. Terrence sat beside him at the table, coffee cup and newspaper with a round of toast to start his day as always. They sat in familiar silence as Terrence read the newspaper and reminded Finney he had some orange juice to enjoy on the table as well, Terrence read the local sports news mentioned to Finney about his team winning against the local rival team hoping to get some reaction but Finney just nodded his head as he took a sip of his orange juice.
“Morning Dad, morning Finn.”
Gwen entered, putting some toast in the toaster and grabbing herself a glass of juice. She joined them at the table, she rambled to them both about her day ahead. It was the school holidays and she was planning on going to the mall with her pals.
“That sounds like a great day Gwenny. Finn, maybe you should go to the mall too? See if any of your school pals are hanging out there too?”
Terrence smiled at his son to be met with no reaction, Gwen exhaled through her nose and lightly kicked Finney under the table.
“Hey jerk face, Dad just spoke to you”
Finney looked at her and it made Gwen feel uncomfortable, he was looking at her but it seemed his eyes were boring through her.
“Gwendolyne! Don't talk to your brother that way”
He stared at her with a warning anger in his eyes. Gwen sighed and went back to her toast, she hated how her dad treated Finney like he was made of glass, didn't ever raise his voice at him, when they found out Finney was smoking weed he only gave an unimpressed look but stated if it made him feel better he understood and didn't mind. When Finney refused to sleep in his room after he offered to rearrange it, do it up to make it more suited to a boy his age he said that it didn't matter and he could go back into it when he was ready, the fights at school he proudly stated that Finney was standing up for himself as all young boys should. She was more understanding a couple of years ago but it had been 4 years (well 3 years and 9 months, Finney had been missing for 3 months) and he just decided to rot in his trauma, not confronting it, healing from it and moving on from it.
The awkward silence continued on and Gwen excused herself, giving her brother a disappointed look as she rose to go finish off getting ready. Terrence carried on making comments about the local news, he didn't mind that Finney didn't respond, he just wanted to give him some normality. He has given up the bottle after Finney was found safe, the image of his two children huddled up in the back of the ambulance giving him the push to sobriety, he had already lost enough and nearly losing Finney too was the wake up call he sorely needed. He never hit Finney again, he still threatened Gwen with it in extreme circumstances, usually when she was shouting at Finney for his current state but the threat was always enough to get her to back off her brother.
An advertisement caught his eye. A new therapist residing in town, he didn't recognise the name as he did hours of research for a therapist for Finney to feel comfortable enough to speak to. Every time Terrence had sat Finney down to try and see one he thought was appropriate, Finney would lash out, shouting that he didn't need therapy, that he was fine and wished everyone would just leave him alone. Terrence never argued back, going back to the peace keeping dad role, allowing Finney whatever he wished.
Dr. B HAWKE
Specializing in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Taking on new patients 17+
Residing at Outreach Offices, Galesburg, North Denver, Colorado. Call today for initial enquiry.
Terrence gave a quick look at Finney worried that he could sense what he was looking at but the boy slowly got up from his chair to wash up his dishes and go freshen up. As he heard Finney trudge up the stairs he made his way to the phone with the advertisement page clutched in hand. He punched in the number and waited as the dial tone went out.
Finney let out a relieved sigh as the tepid water hit his skin, this was his favourite part of the day, he felt at peace in the water. The shower curtain gave him a sense of privacy he craved, at The Grabber’s house whenever he needed to bathe, it was usually a bath and he was never alone. Sometimes he would have a shower but he was always joined by his captor, insisting to Finney that it was what lovers do. He cleared his mind of any thoughts about that place and let his mind wander to his favourite topic, space. He was going to ask his dad if they could pick up the movie Alien to watch, the VHS had released last year. He was now old enough to watch it although if he had pushed his dad enough, he reckoned he would have let him watch it last year. He had heard a few older kids say it was one of the greatest horror movies they had ever seen, Sigourney Weaver was a badass hottie who got down to her underwear and faced one of the scariest monsters they had ever seen. Finney was intrigued, he had finally watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre but it took him a few attempts to get through it, the subject matter hitting close to his own personal experiences in some elements and the harsh sting of Robin’s absence. He remembers his dad rubbing calming circles on his back and instructing him to breathe as he was throwing up in the toilet. He disliked being touched but in those moments it brought a sense of comfort he needed, he didn’t mind Gwen’s touch but anyone else’s sent him into a spiralled panic.
Finney finished up his shower feeling refreshed and changed into his normal wear, the yellow gingham shirt being one of his favourites in his wardrobe currently. The brighter colour gave a false sense of normality to the inner turmoil Finney fought against daily. He rejoined his dad downstairs who was sitting at the kitchen table looking nervous.
“Hey dad, everything alright?”
Terrence jumped and smiled at his son.
“Finn, of course! Sorry you just caught me in deep thought.”
Finney gave a nod and asked his dad if they could go and grab Alien, although Finney was old enough to rent it himself he tended to get anxious at the thought of having to talk to a stranger, it helped having someone there he knew and trusted to support if he started to verbally flail.
Terrence beamed at his son, happy that Finney seemed in a good mood today and hoped he
could convince him to meet the good doctor he had made an appointment with today. Plucking up all his courage Terrence pressed forward.
“Come sit with me, Finn, let's plan our day!”
Finney joined his dad, feeling oddly optimistic for the day ahead.
“So Finn, I thought we would go to IHOP for lunch - I hear the pancakes are out of this world with amazing fillings and toppings!”
Terrence paused to see his son’s reaction, he was looking at him but focused and waiting for him to continue, Terrence felt pleased Finney was actually here in the moment and not phased out like he was at breakfast.
“Then we can go grab that movie you want to rent and grab some junk snacks to go alongside it, perhaps we can pop into that comic store you like and see if they have those Star Wars comics you used to like?”
Finney reminisced, he went to see Star Wars with Robin and Gwen. He was 12 when it was released and Robin’s uncle had taken them to the drive-in, he left feeling exhilarated and idolising Luke Skywalker. He and Gwen picked up sticks on the way to school and wielded them like lightsabers. Finney broke into a small smile and Terrence quietly gasped, slowly tearing up at seeing Finney smile, he hadn’t smiled in so long.
“After that, I made an appointment for us both to attend - just an initial introduction.”
Finney stared at his dad, his smile replaced with his more familiar blank state.
“What? What appointment?”
Terrence sucked in a breath, it was now or never.
“An appointment with Dr. Hawke, it’s just an initial introduction. You don’t have to say anything or stay, I am just begging you to meet them please Finn.”
Finney felt anger surge through him, he thought he had got it through his dad’s thick skull last time he tried this shit. He didn’t need to see some head shrink to peer into his mind and save him, bring back sweet little Finney Blake who had his youth and innocence taken by The Grabber. Finney’s anxiety rose along with his anger, his dad knew nothing of what happened to him, no-one did. He hadn’t told anyone anymore than he had to. As far as his dad and sister were concerned, he had just been held captive by a serial child murderer and managed to escape.
“Dad, I thought we had talked about this.”
Terrence rose from his chair and kneeled next to son, an action which took Finney by surprise.
“Please, Finn, please I am begging you to just meet this Doctor. If it’s not right for you then I promise I will never ask this of you again. Please.”
Finney looked at his dad properly for the first time in what felt like years. He had aged significantly, years of alcohol abuse apparent, his face carved and darkened through years of blue collar work. His eyes were full of emotion, the promise he made Finney to be true, tears glistening at the edges threatening to fall. Finney felt young again, felt vulnerable for a moment, he took a deep breath and finally spoke. His anger wading and anxiety easing.
“One meeting… you’ll be with me? You promise this is the last time?”
Terrence clasped his hands together which made him jump.
“One meeting, I promise son, I will be with you all the way unless you want me to leave then I will.”
Finney huffed and rose, he went to put his shoes on for the day ahead, he pondered what this Dr. Hawke would try and hit him with. Finney had attempted to be seen by two other therapists since he escaped all coming at him with soft words and gentle caution. He couldn’t stand it, how could they possibly know how to empathise with what he had been through? This doctor will be no different and would likely give up at the first hurdle like the rest of them.
Terrence awkwardly joined him and got his shoes on too, he shouted up the stairs to Gwen.
“Gwenny! We are going out, you don't be out too long now and keep me updated with where you are young lady!”
Gwen’s muffled confirmation filtered to downstairs and they left for the afternoon.
It was a nice day, the sun shining in the sky which made Finney’s eyes hurt, he shielded them until they reached Terrence’s car. They started on the road to the mall, Terrence turned the radio to a generic station playing the latest hits. Finney looked out the window as they passed through the suburb, watching people go about their day as normal, he longed to remember what ‘normal’ felt like. After a couple more minutes he recognised the road they had just turned into, dread rising in his chest, it was the road where he had first met his abductor. The spot where the van was parked highlighted in his mind, at that time of day the area had been quiet, unlike now. He cringed at his naivety that afternoon. He genuinely wanted to help the man who had sadly dropped his groceries; failing to see the trap that was spring loaded, just waiting for him to step close enough to set off the pressure plate. He had always been warned to never talk to strangers but after the lousy day he had endured, being beaten by his tormentors at school without his best friend there to back him up and awkwardly trying to be confident in front of Donna who he thought was his dream girl at the time. He relished at the idea of a magic trick to brighten up his gloomy day. The man had an aura of confidence but on reflection also haste, Finney had been blind to it, too encaptured by the man’s practiced showmanship.
“Finn, you alright son?”
He didn't realise he had been hyperventilating and coughed to cover his mini panic episode - he regained his composure and let the practiced calm wash over him.
“Just need to grab a soda.” He answered bluntly.
They reached the mall and mooched around the shops until they felt the grumble in their stomachs confirming it was lunch time. Finney had to give it to his old man, the pancakes were out of this world. They got to the video store and rented Alien, an old poster still up on the shop wall of glowing green egg that was cracked with the film’s iconic phrase below.
-IN SPACE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM-
A simplistic but effective design, it drew the audience in wanting to know more, the chilling tagline sticking with Finney for the rest of the afternoon. It got closer to the appointment time Terrence had made with the doctor and he kept making subtle glances towards Finney to gauge his mood, the fear something would tip him over the edge, making him back out of the appointment. Terrance had long since given up on the idea of therapy for Finney but when he spoke to the doctor, something about his tone of voice made Terrance want to give him a shot.
They left the mall, bags filled with goodies for the film this evening and a few comics for Finney to read in his downtime. It had been an expensive afternoon for Terrance but it was worth the sacrifice of working overtime if it meant Finney could start healing.
They arrived at their destination, it seemed to be a building where you could rent out office spaces, lots of small companies offering different services including Dr.Hawke - Therapist. Finney stared at the plaque outside the building with the doctor’s name and profession, he scoffed, this was a waste of time. Terrance gave Finney an encouraging look and stepped inside the building, the front desk was manned by a elderly lady, Terrance told her who they were here to see.
“Ah Dr.Hawke, lovely man, so charming and yet so brilliant. Go down the hall to the left - he’s the office at the end.”
Terrance thanked her, Finney followed his dad to the door of Dr.Hawke, he turned and placed his hands gently on Finney’s shoulders and looked him in the eyes with parental concern.
“I am so proud of you Finn, just try your best and if you aren’t feeling it just tell me okay, you can say you are unwell if you don’t want to be rude in front of the doctor.”
Finney shrugged his dad’s hands off his shoulders, he just wanted to get this over with, his lack of sleep catching up with him after a day full of walking around and being in the general public, it became too much after a while for him. He had gotten so used to hardly any noise when he had been in the basement. He glared at his dad as he huffed out a response.
“Let’s just get this over with.”
Terrance gave him one last positive smile and gently knocked at the doctor’s door.
A strong voice came from the other side.
“It’s open, come on in.”
Terrance opened the door as he let them both inside the office. It wasn’t a huge space but big enough for its purpose. There were two armchairs facing towards a small table with a box of tissues on.
Typical… Finney thought cynically.
They were facing towards a large oak desk where the therapist was sitting in a plush office chair, behind him a bookcase with different types of books on. On one of the walls to the left of the bookcase displayed a row of masks, all different in style. It made Finney feel on edge. To the right of the bookcase is a plain wall with a couch and small windows.
Terrance had pushed forward and went to shake the doctor’s hand, the man stood like he had all the time in the world and smoothly shook Terrance's hand with a strong grip.
“Oh Dr.Hawke, thank you so much again for seeing us on such short notice, I can imagine you are a busy man. I’m Terrance, we spoke on the phone and this is my son, Finn.”
Finney joined his dad and finally took a good look at the man after tearing his eyes away from the many strange masks on the wall.
Finney didn’t know what it was about the man but his presence felt familiar in a way to him. It also made him feel on edge, anxiety bubbling in his stomach. The doctor was tall, around 6 feet if he had to guess. Even though Finney had received a growth spurt he felt small in comparison. He wore a black turtleneck with business slacks, a plain black belt and smart shoes, he wore a watch on his left wrist. He had short hair that was slicked back; it was greying with specks of his natural colour still present, a strong jawline which was clean shaven. His eyes are what caught Finney off guard, blue but with a tinge of grey, they were focused in a calculating but cold way behind his reading glasses. The man meant business. He was staring at Finney and he felt his throat go dry, paralysed on the spot. The man had offered his large hand out for Finney to accept and shake but his big doe eyes could not move away from the man’s face.
Terrance decided to cut in on their awkward stand off.
“Uh sorry Doc, Finn doesn’t feel comfortable with people touching him, please don’t be offended. He isn’t being rude.”
Finney got with the program and stared down at the large hand still hovering and waiting to be shook. He didn’t know why but he felt a compulsion to shake it so he raised his hand and accepted it. He watched in awe as the man’s hand swallowed his and shook it with gentle force.
“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Blake.”
Finney looked back at the man’s face, he registered he had just spoken to him, his voice was strong but smooth like whisky being poured down his throat. Finney could only nod as he felt his hand being released.
“Please sit.”
Terrance immediately sat in one of the armchairs as Dr.Hawke made himself comfortable behind his desk again. Finney felt like he was moving in slow motion as he backed himself towards the other chair, refusing to take his eyes off the doctor, there was just something about him that Finney didn’t trust.
“Again thank you for seeing us today sir, I am truly grateful. My son Finn has been struggling these past couple of years with his social life and general routine, you see…”
Terrance was babbling but his voice died off when Dr.Hawke had raised his hand to silence him.
“I am sure Mr. Blake here is old enough to explain his…. Issues to me without your input. I don’t think he needs his father holding his hand through this.”
Terrance was baffled by the doctor’s sudden dismissal of him but the man’s gaze left him no room to argue. He slowly got up and addressed Finney.
“I… I’ll be outside then if you need me Finn. I’ll wait in the lobby with that nice lady.”
Finney looked back and forth between his dad and doctor in a panic, he didn’t want to be alone with this stranger, he didn’t want to come here in the first place and he certainly didn’t want to tell this man anything. But any protests died in his throat as he controlled his panicked state, just give the doctor the usual spiel and you will be out of here in no time he thought, he had promised this was the last one. Terrance left the room and shut the door, the click deafening in the silence, Dr.Hawke solely turned his attention to Finney waiting for him to state his reason for coming to therapy.
Finney gulped but pressed on with his plan, starting to speak with a confidence he knew he didn’t really feel.
“Look, there’s nothing to talk about. I was abducted a few years ago and managed to get away. My dad thinks I am messed up but I am fine the way I am and I don’t need therapy to fix my issues. So I’m sorry we wasted your time and feel free to bill him for the 5 minutes you spent with us okay?”
The doctor continued to stare at him, making Finney feel antsy in his chair as he looked down at his hands. He let out a soft chuckle and leaned back in his office chair, clearly not phased by Finney’s little act.
“I will never make you talk about anything that you don't… like”
Acknowledging what the doctor had just said, Finney's eyes widened and shot towards Dr.Hawke in horror. His voice barely above a whisper.
“Wh… wha… what did you say?”
The doctor gave him a pointed look.
“I said you don't have to discuss anything you don't want to… Mr.Blake.”
Finney could only stare, the doctor pressed on.
“If you don’t want to be here then you can leave, the door isn’t locked. But I can see it in your eyes, you are lost. You get by on the bare minimum to sustain yourself and keep your defenses sharp to keep the prying questions at bay. You don’t talk about what happened because you are ashamed of something, something you are scared to admit in fear of being rejected by the few people that stand by you. You act defiantly and unbothered but deep down you're terrified of being weak again in any situation. You act like your… struggles… as your father put it, do not phase you but they consume your every waking moment and looking at the darkness enveloping your eyes I would say your every sleeping moment as well.”
Finney looked at the doctor, mouth agape at his bold observation. Annoyance rising to the surface of his emotions.
“Wh.. whe… where are you getting all this? You think you’ve analysed me just like that?”
The doctor smirked as he rose suddenly, it made Finney jump but the other man simply made his way towards the wall with the array of masks on.
“We all wear masks Mr. Blake to hide our true selves when we are faced with dealing with others or situations that challenge us or we simply wish to not confront, I will admit you wear a good mask but the moment you entered my office I saw it slip. I saw the true you peeking out from under it, you can hide all you like but eventually that mask is going to crack and the ugliness will spill from it in ways you wished you could take back. To deal and resolve whatever struggles you are having will mean you no longer have to hide behind this mask you’ve carefully constructed to keep yourself safe.”
The doctor turned towards Finney to await his response. But Finney could only stare at him, taken aback by his actions and his words. He reminded him so much of his tormentor but it couldn’t be possible, although Finney never did see the man’s full face (always donning the top half of the mask when he wanted to taste him) he killed him, snapped his neck with the phone cord and walked his way to freedom. Although all of Finney’s instincts told him to get up and leave he could only process what the other man had said.
The next thing Finney knew he was hunched over, his hands gripping his jeans turning his knuckles white breathing erratically. A large warmth rubbing circles on his back. When he was able to control his breathing he realised the doctor was comforting him, talking to him in a firm but softer tone.
“Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, repeat.”
Sweat formed in his brow, the doctor was touching him. He wanted to push him away, tell him to get the fuck away off him but the man’s voice was anchoring him, helping him regain control of his breathing and focus. Although he felt anxious he felt more grounded and managed to mumble out a response while following the breathing pattern the older man had instructed.
“Wastebasket? Do you have a wastebasket?”
The doctor moved away and came back within seconds as Finney grabbed it off him in time to throw up. The doctor moved away for a moment and came back placing a glass of water on the table in front of Finny, he resumed his position at the side of the younger man and proceeded to rub circles on his back. Once he thought he had got it all out he put the wastebasket down and focused back on his breathing reaching for the water, he took a small sip and after a few minutes he felt back in control. Sensing this, the older man stopped touching him and moved back to sit at his desk. Dr.Hawke had felt the raised lines underneath his shirt, the scars of the past that were painted on his skin, his back a detailed but convoluted map of abuse from multiple hands.
“So when are you available to start a proper session of therapy?”
It took Finney a moment to stop staring at the floor and look the man in the eye. His defiance and anger wanted to the tell him to go fuck himself but he reconsidered for a moment. This doctor wasn't like the others, they hadn’t spoken to him so bluntly and analysed some of the main issues he was struggling with so easily. Did this one really understand what he was going through, had this doctor faced a similar trauma of his own? The way he spoke seemed like he had understood and was able to scratch the surface without delving into what Finney had gone through. What he was really struggling to let go of. He was afraid, he didn't want to say it out loud, to say it loud meant admitting it. He felt bile rise in his throat again and he reached for the basket to deposit some more. Once again regaining his composure, Finney slipped back into the blank unbothered state he was comfortable wearing.
“You're wasting your time.” Finney tried.
The doctor gave him a smirk, it made Finney’s heart flutter uneasily.
“I’m sure you'd love to prove me wrong, stubborn boy.”
The audacity of this man! Who did he think he was? Finney gave him a defiant glare, the way he said ‘boy’ it sounded so similar to…. No he was just wound up and emotional, it isn’t him, he’s dead.
“Fine… I am free to start whenever. What exactly are you charging to try and fix what isn't broken?”
The doctor grabbed his diary and was writing something down.
“Don't you worry about that.”
Again… that tone and his answers…. Finney was spiraling in his mind. He told himself to get a grip. He hated how much this doctor had gotten under his skin and how he reminded him of well… him. Maybe this was a good thing, if he took out his frustrations on this poor sap in the next session then hopefully he would drop him as a patient, not being able to handle the agro. Finney could go back to being left alone, as he preferred it these days.
“You can leave now Mr.Blake, I'll see you tomorrow, 11am.”
The doctor didn't look up from his diary and Finney scoffed as he stood up on his trembling legs. He didn't bother to say anything else and left as quick as his legs would allow him, taking one last glance at the wall, those hollow eyes seeming to follow him out the room.
Terrance Blake jumped up as he saw his son approach, he looked worse for wear and it made Terrence feel afraid so he put on a positive attitude, he would be strong for Finney.
“Hey Finn, you alright? How was it?”
Finney glared at his dad and shrugged his shoulders.
“I have my first session tomorrow, can we go now?”
Terrence's eyes widened in shock, quickly he composed himself to look happy. He was desperate to ask Finney more, what had they discussed? What time was the appointment tomorrow? Was he feeling better? Was he feeling worse? Did he feel like this could help him? He restrained himself, not wishing to overwhelm him and make him regress back to his stance on no therapy. He would call Dr.Hawke when they got home to confirm the details for tomorrow.
Finney settled himself on the couch, the TV was set up ready to start the movie as his father placed a bowl of popcorn and a bowl of nachos down in front of him on the coffee table. He turned the lights off, leaving a small lamp on in the corner and settled himself in his armchair. He had confirmed the details for tomorrow and felt a wave of relief wash over him, finally they were getting somewhere after 4 years, finally he felt some guilt alleviate from himself. He pressed play on the remote to start the film, watching his son in the darkness momentarily. He had grown in these 4 years, he was a handsome young lad although with his large brown eyes and smooth skin he could be considered a pretty boy. He remembered a co-worker saying how cute his two daughters were back when they were kids, he was suspended for a week for beating him senseless. He had defended his son until the other man had uttered the word ‘fairy’ then he had just seen red. Finney has always been a sensitive boy, he blamed his late wife for this but he had always tried to push him into activities boys should do. When Finney signed up for Baseball he was over the moon, he hoped it would deter the notion that he was…. Queer. Terrance had fought with this over the years, he loved his son but prayed it wasn't the case. Their family had faced enough tragedy and if it were true that Finney liked… other boys, that would just make his life hell. He has never asked him and his son had never stated otherwise. He remembers before his abduction that Gwen had teased him about a girl called Donna, the one he had taken on a date. That had put Terrence's mind at ease. After Finney came home he hadn't really thought about Finney’s preferred partner, it seemed so unimportant after his abduction. He was just glad he came home alive.
Finney was captivated by the film, the setting was so cool and visuals were amazing. He munched on the nachos, offering some to his dad while never taking his eyes off the screen. Ellen Ripley was amazing, he loved her style and attitude although he felt his gaze wander over to Captain Dallas when he was on screen. The chest bursting scene had made him jump and gasp, his dad had seemed to share his sentiment. He felt Ellen’s frustrations of being dismissed for her logical thinking, she must have felt so powerless with no one listening to her even though she seemed to be the only crew member to take the threat on board seriously. With the countdown started and Ellen rushing to get to escape shuttle Finney covered his mouth with his hand when Ellen's route was blocked by the Alien. He felt his anxiety start to surge through him, his breathing picking up although he tried to hide it with his hand. As Ellen’s high pressure situation continued, Finney’s mind flashed back to unwanted moments. His sweaty fingers desperately trying to undo the combination lock with little sound as his captor slept behind him, the loud announcement of a dog setting Finney into flight mode. The adrenaline rush of running on exhausted legs into the night, mind going blank as to where to go, just to keep running. The roar of the engine behind him, making him more scared than he already was, panic overtaking his mind. His delayed reaction to switch direction when he abruptly banged into the side of the van. The look in his tormentor’s eyes burning with pure anger as he ran to reclaim him. The struggle against him ending with a knife to his throat and his small body held in a python grip. A larger hand crushing his small wrist in agony but refused to make a sound, only panting from exhaustion and fear as he listened to his aggressor’s harsh threat whispered into his ear.
“You say one fucking word… and I will gut you like a pig right here in the street. And strangle you with your own intestines.”
“Finn! Finn! Speak to me, hey! You alright?”
Finney came back to the present, all the lights were on. The movie paused and his dad kneeling in front of him clicking his fingers in front of his face. His face looked concerned, the table had been shoved out the way spilling the remaining bits of popcorn, the TV paused at Ripley attempting to cancel the self-destruct sequence. Finney looked at his hand, it was bleeding, he had bitten it, hard. He nodded his head in automation watching in fascination as his blood flowed down his hand, slowly dripping down into his lap. His dad got up and grabbed the first aid kit from the kitchen, warning it was going to hurt when he wiped his wound with a sanitized wipe, he didn’t even flinch, just watching as the wound was bandaged.
“We can stop the movie Finn, do you want anything? Hot chocolate? Want me to call Gwen and get her back home?”
Finn shook his head no, he got up and went to use the bathroom and splash cold water on his face. He gazed at himself in the mirror, his face was pale, eyes looked darker than ever, his teeth were stained with his blood. He brushed his teeth and went back downstairs, he convinced his dad he was okay and asked to finish off the movie. He obliged and set the room back as it was, a small lamp glowing in the corner although his focus was aimed at Finney now rather than the movie. Finney clenched his fists as the movie resumed, a sense of melancholy washed over him as he suddenly wished he had his rocket pen. The small object brought so much comfort to him during his time of hardship, he had damaged it when he had been trying to escape out of the freezer and chucked it to the side. He always regretted leaving it behind, he should have taken it with him. His sister had got it for his birthday the year before he was taken - it was the coolest thing he had ever received and he was never without it. Another part of Finney Blake left rotting in that desolate basement. The film came to its climax as final girl Ellen Ripley shot her faceless pursuer out into space, her nightmare over as she left a voice log of the events she had endured. She tucked herself and Jonesy safely into hypersleep hoping to see civilization once again. Terrance cleaned up with Finney’s assistance, they discussed the movie and their thoughts.
“Do you think Ripley will ever get over the nightmare she endured? I know she is in hypersleep but what if she is stuck in a constant dreamstate of the Alien pursuing her until someone rescues her?”
Terrence thought about the question Finney had asked as he finished drying a bowl.
“Whose to say, it’s true she may be trapped in her sleep dreaming of the Alien chasing her down but she may also find peace in the fact she confronted it and won. She seems sure it’s gone as she watches it get blown out into space, there’s no monster pursuing her anymore.”
Terrence said goodnight and went to bed after having a final call from Gwen, she was staying at Susie’s for the night. Finney got himself comfortable for another night of little sleep. His mind kept replaying Ripley’s final confrontation, Finney had faced his monster as well, he had gotten away and won but his victory felt hollow. His escape led to an innocent man being killed, two men being killed. He had survivor’s guilt over walking away unlike Robin and the other boys, he hoped they had moved on and weren’t still trapped in that basement. He had thought about going back there, to try the phone but there was no point, he had cut the receiver free and wrapped it around The Grabber’s neck. Finney was a murderer, he had killed someone, he was relieved to be free but haunted at the thought of what he had done. He laid himself down and soon enough his exhausted body and mind succumbed to sleep.
It didn’t take long for a nightmare to start, Finney was on the Nostromo, he was panting and running away from something. In desperation he hid under a desk, putting a hand over his mouth to stifle his panicked breathing. The lights went out and all he could hear was heavy steps, someone was coming.
“I know where you’re hiding!”
That vile singsongy voice echoing off the walls, Finney felt tears spring to his eyes, he wanted to wake up, why wouldn’t he wake up. For the next couple of minutes, Finney kept as quiet as possible as he heard the figure move about the room. He prayed the man was bluffing and was actually struggling to locate him. The man slowly came to stop in front of the desk Finney was hiding under and crouched down to grab his ankles and pull him out. Finney gasped in horror as the man settled on top of him, he was trapped.
The singsongy voice was replaced with a darker tone, the one Finney dreaded.
“Found you, Naughty Boy.”
The Grabber took a hold of his hand and kissed his fingertips, Finney was panting in fear, he tried to wriggle but the man’s weight kept him in place. He licked up the palm of Finney’s hand all the way to the tip of his index finger.
“You always taste so sweet.”
Finney turned red with embarrassment as The Grabber kissed his hand in sick admiration, looking into Finney’s eyes as he did it. His face twisted into a sick grin unsettling Finney more than he already was, then he bit into his hand hard, Finney screamed in agony as blood gushed out.
He woke up.
After he cleaned himself up, he took himself outside to enjoy his brief escape, he was exhausted. He sat down and leaned against the side of the house, his legs spread out in front of him.
Soon enough his apparition appeared, Finney could only have a rigged staring contest with it as it continued to stand and look at him. After he lost and needed to blink he raised his chin and stared defiantly at it.
“"I got you... you son of a bitch."
The apparition tilted its head, as if processing what Finney had claimed. He lowered his gaze down to stare into Finney’s big eyes and slowly shook his head.
Finney was taken aback, fear filling within him. He stumped out the rest of his blunt, never taking his eyes off his visitor as he abruptly stood and went back inside, making sure to lock the door before sitting back down on the couch. Eyes glued to the door for the rest of the night.