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Erwin’s office in the evenings was always warmer, Levi noticed it somewhere in between the first sip of his tea and another. The warm glow of the sunset made everything softer where the light still managed to reach, and the place was rather quiet, save for the scribbling of Erwin’s pen against the paper. Occasional footsteps came from the corridor, but they never got close enough to the door for anyone to realise the Commander was not alone.
Levi wanted to roll his eyes at the irony of him sitting in the very office of the man he had wanted dead not that long ago. Truth be told, he wasn’t even sure why he spent as much time here as he did. The office was pretty ordinary, and so was the man sitting behind the desk. At least, that was what Levi kept telling himself because any other alternative didn’t sit right with him and he wasn’t quite willing to admit it. Besides, Erwin made better tea than the military life had to offer, and Levi appreciated flavour.
It was getting darker outside, the sun slowly hiding behind the Walls, behind the horizon so distant for humanity that nobody paid much attention to it anymore. The disappearing light did not make Erwin look up from his papers, and Levi stared at the man a moment longer than it was probably appropriate. Erwin’s hand moved over the documents slowly, eyes scanning the words carefully, with focus fitting his rank. He would have looked relaxed if someone had not been watching closely enough.
Levi had been watching closely enough. Not that he would ever admit it, but his eyes stayed on Erwin’s face more often than he liked, and he could tell when the weight of the decisions he kept making got to him more than usual. It was quite clear from the way his brow furrowed and his lips pressed tightly together. His hand moved steadily, pausing only sometimes to re-read a sentence and ponder on it.
Levi looked away before he decided it mattered. His gaze rested upon the window opposite instead. The sun was set almost entirely now, covering the world in darkness step by step, natural light fading and being replaced by a lamp near Erwin’s hand and a few candles on the desk that made it possible for Levi to see steam from his tea curling in the air. He watched it for a moment or two instead of Erwin’s face and only looked up once, eyes going towards the window.
There was something wrong with the weather. Something kept falling from the sky, and it for sure was not rain. At first, it looked like ash, but it made no sense, and Levi frowned. Specks of white whirled in the air, falling against windowsill and glass. He nearly stood up to examine it before he realised it would look stupid, so he stayed seated, observing from distance. The specks made no noise when they hit the surface, and they were light enough to swirl with the mild breeze outside.
“Something wrong?” The voice was so sudden that Levi turned towards it immediately, surprise flickering across his face because he didn’t know he had been watched.
Erwin had looked up from his paperwork, blue eyes reflecting fire from the candles. There was no face expression readable enough for Levi to know what the other man was thinking so he ignored the question, turning away once more towards the window, telling himself the mystery behind the glass was better than whatever was hiding in Erwin’s gaze.
Erwin’s eyes followed his and something softer than Levi had ever seen passed through his face, but it was so quick he wondered if he hadn’t imagined it. His fingers tightened around the cup he was holding, but he hardly noticed the grip until the hot liquid started burning his skin. Levi put the cup down with clatter that seemed louder than it should have been.
“I thought it might snow at night,” Erwin said again, this time more quietly. Levi looked back at him. His face was still unreadable, and he hated that. “Morning drills will be problematic if it snows too heavily.”
Erwin’s attention returned to the papers after that, casual as ever, the pen resuming its rhythmic work. Levi blinked, lips slightly parted, and he kept on staring at the man like he held all the answers to questions Levi would never ask out loud. Erwin, damn him, seemed to realise he was being watched and put the pen down after a while once again, just to meet Levi’s eyes over the clustered desk he had a few complaints about.
“What is it?” Erwin asked, and Levi held his tongue for once because there were too many thoughts in his head and too few words to express all of them. The confusion in Erwin’s gaze nearly made him roll his eyes.
“That’s it?” Levi spoke up for the first time in a long time, and he was surprised by the disbelief in his voice. He hated it, too. Erwin blinked. This time, Levi huffed, patience already fraying and giving in to irritation. “Why are you acting like it’s normal?”
“Because it is.” He shrugged lightly, like it should have been obvious but somehow wasn’t. “It’s winter.”
Levi stared, and he despised himself for being so clueless and stupid because, apparently, the white shit had a name and was not as mysterious as he thought. He swallowed and looked down at his hands resting loosely against his knees.
“Right.” He watched his fingers for a second, trying to ignore the burn of Erwin’s eyes upon himself. He didn’t glance up only because he would find the sudden understanding running across the other man’s face embarrassing.
“I see,” Erwin whispered, something gentle entering his voice – something Levi loathed on instinct alone. The pen now lay forgotten on the paper, the candlelight flicking once, forming shadows in one place, getting rid of them in another. “You’ve never seen it, have you?”
Levi turned his face away so sharply it almost hurt his neck. His fingers tightened on the fabric of his trousers, and he wanted to snap at him, tell him it was none of his business what he had seen and what not. But the outside grew brighter and whiter as time passed and more specks fell from the grim sky, and Levi found himself drawn to them for reasons he couldn’t explain.
“It’s not like I could just pop outside to comment on the shitty weather before.”
Erwin stared, taken aback by the sharpness in his voice, but Levi did not take his words back, nor did he feel ashamed of snapping.
“No,” Erwin looked down at his pen at last, voice getting quieter. “I imagine not.”
The silence after that was not exactly as comfortable as it had been, but Levi ignored it, studying the window instead, like some stupid child that had just been given his first candy. It was pathetic and ridiculous, but he couldn’t stop looking. He got used to rain or sunlight that was too harsh sometimes. He got used to fresh air and the wind, and everything else that came with living above the ground. Still, there was something about snow that made his thoughts stop for a while, and he didn’t know what it was.
“Tch,” he huffed, frustrated now that there was no Erwin’s voice to shift his attention to something better, something useful. “Stupid.”
Erwin raised an eyebrow.
“Snow?” he asked, and Levi just shrugged, his hands letting go of his knees just to fold themselves across his chest. Erwin decided, wisely, not to remark on it.
Levi kept quiet, jaw tense and arms crossed tightly, like his dignity would shatter if he loosened either. The snow still made no noise, and he found it unsettling. He preferred when something was loud – at least then he could brace for it before it struck.
“It’ll have covered most paths by the morning,” Erwin added, breaking through the silence that lingered for too long. He watched the window now, too, and Levi almost appreciated him joining. “Perhaps we should see how it’s settling and if the main path’s still passable.”
Levi watched him, unimpressed, arms still folded tightly across his chest. Erwin was looking at him too, his expression completely serious and yet, softer than it was before. The candlelight flickered once, sending the warm glow over half of his face.
“You want to see the main path,” he began, leaning back into the chair until it creaked. Erwin did not give him an audible answer, he just stared like it wasn’t anything strange to offer it. “You’re the Commander.”
“Yes.”
“You have people who do it for you.”
Erwin didn’t smile, not really, but something in his eyes shifted. It was gentle and too warm for Levi to keep looking into them. He rolled his eyes, turning his face away for a second. A part of him wanted to point out how ridiculous and unsubtle Erwin was being but then, he’d have to pretend he didn’t want to leave. Or worse, ask for it himself.
He only clicked his tongue and focused on the wall opposite, deliberately avoiding Erwin’s face.
“Fine,” he replied finally, irritation seeping through curiosity because annoyance was easier to control. “Don’t forget your damn coat.”
Erwin’s lips twitched slightly, but he smoothed his expression into something serious enough before Levi could snap at him. Without anything more than a weak glare sent Erwin’s way to prove his point, Levi dragged himself to his feet, adjusting his cloak because it had creased sometime while he was sitting.
He glanced at Erwin only once before heading for the door, slow enough not to make his pace questionable. He didn’t want to see snow, not really, it was silly. It was childish. He was a soldier, and soldiers didn’t study weather conditions like they were something never previously discovered. Still, he looked over his shoulder one last time to see the window before following Erwin outside.
It was colder than he had assumed. The night was brighter, though. The snow fell upon the ground and covered it with a blanket of white, enlightening the surroundings a little bit. The snowflakes were slow, almost graceful in their descent as they swirled in the air, spinning once or twice before hitting the surface. Levi stopped right outside the threshold, looking up to see the sky. Erwin halted behind him, silent, clearly pretending he did not drag him outside just for this. A part of him was grateful. Another part still wanted to throttle him.
Levi looked around and reached out with his hand towards the snowflakes. A few of them rested on his bare skin, and he glanced at them, watching until they turned into water. He frowned then, offended by the tiny stain on his palm.
“Looks clean enough,” he whispered and immediately despised himself for it because it wasn’t meant to leave his mouth.
Erwin stepped closer without making much noise. Levi glanced at him only briefly before his attention snapped back to the snow falling all around. It gathered in his hair and on his shoulders, near his boots and on the path Erwin insisted he wanted to check even though he hadn’t looked at it even once since they walked out.
“Fresh snow always looks clean,” Erwin spoke at last, so quietly that Levi wasn’t sure if he hadn’t imagined his voice. He turned towards him, though, and the tenderness on Erwin’s face surprised even him. Levi could swear he had smiled, although he had no proof of it. Snow covered Erwin’s shoulders, too, and a few snowflakes stuck to his hair. He looked different from the persona of the Commander he maintained in his office. More at ease, perhaps, not that Levi cared much. “It’s a nightmare when it starts to melt, though.”
Levi wasn’t sure if it was amusement in his voice, but he decided not to dwell on that. He simply turned around, glanced up at the sky once more. Then at the ground, veiled in soft white. He moved, and his footstep stayed engraved in the snow as proof that he was here, that he watched like some stupid kid and still found it beautiful in a way he’d never admit. He thought, briefly, that Isabel and Furlan would have loved it. He could almost hear Isabel’s laughter as snowflakes whirled around, and Furlan saying something dry and fond all at once. Levi would have probably smiled at them for a fraction of a second before either could notice and tell them to calm down, that it was nothing worth getting excited about.
But here he was, standing in the middle of it alone but not quite, watching the snowflakes dance around him in the air. They were unbothered by the chaos of the world and for a quick moment, Levi wondered if people could ever be as carefree. He reached for one again instead. This one was bigger and didn’t melt right away. He noticed then that it had a shape. He watched it, too, ignoring the way Erwin’s eyes seemed to linger on his face a bit too long.
He dropped his hand as soon as he realised that he was a grown ass man and probably shouldn’t be observing snowflakes like that. He sighed inaudibly and turned once more, only to meet Erwin’s gaze. It shone even in the falling snow. There was something in it that made it impossible to look away. Erwin’s hair was a bit dishevelled, which was a rare sight in itself. Levi got used to him standing tall and determined, with the face that promised everything and was certain of nothing. He was used to the man who was ready to sacrifice people and pretended it weighed nothing, dressing it up as a necessity when someone asked.
He definitely didn’t expect to see this Erwin Smith, whose hair was damp because of melting snow, wearing a crinkled coat grabbed in a hurry because Levi wanted to see the outside and never asked. He was still frustrated with that part, although he couldn’t tell what upset him more – him getting curious about something so small and ordinary, or Erwin reading it exactly the way Levi had not wanted him to and still being right about it.
Levi blinked, then looked away before the thought became bigger than he could allow himself and focused back on the ground. He cleared his throat, fingers curled in his cloak because the cold had started getting to them and he didn’t like it.
“You dragged me outside to see the main path,” he said, turned away now because he wasn’t sure what to make of Erwin’s eyes watching him so closely. “You’ve seen it. Was freezing our asses off worth it?”
He could imagine the barely visible smile on Erwin’s face. The bastard didn’t make a sound, but then he didn’t have to. The picture in his head was enough to annoy him. He folded his arms across his chest again, hiding them behind his cloak because it was warm and snow was not.
“It may’ve been,” Erwin finally responded, and Levi hated the tone of his voice because it sounded too gentle to pass only as successful inspection. He gritted his teeth for a second, fingers curling around the green fabric of the cloak even more tightly.
“Tch.” Levi turned towards the door leading inside, although he didn’t take a step towards it. In the corner of his eye, he could see Erwin standing next to, cloak loosely swinging behind his back, snow melting on his shoulders and head. Levi’s own clothes were now coated with it, too, and he shook it off with more irritation than was necessary. “The shit’s clingy.”
“Mm.” Erwin acknowledged the words with a small nod and a serene expression that made Levi want to punch a wall. “That’s not the word I would use.”
“Too bad I’m not asking for your opinion.”
This time, Erwin let out a quiet chuckle, and Levi glared at him like the sound had personally stabbed him. It did nothing useful. Erwin only stared back, less murderous and fonder than anything else.
“My apologies,” he said, approaching slowly. Levi glanced up to take a look at his face and their eyes locked. The snowflakes whirled around and between them, silent witnesses to whatever it was they were doing right now. Then Erwin’s focus went to a loose strand of Levi’s hair swinging to the breeze. His hand lifted, and Levi nearly took a step back but eventually didn’t because it was Erwin, and Erwin had a way of looking at him like he mattered. “You’ve got snow in your hair.”
“No shit,” he scoffed, never looking away. Erwin stared at him for a moment before his careful fingers brushed the wild strand along with a bigger snowflake stuck to it. His hand dropped almost instantly once it was gone, and Levi felt the absence of it more than he would have liked. He blinked and parted his lips to say something more but didn’t exactly know what. So he clicked his tongue in forced irritation and stepped away instead, arms folding tighter across his chest. “Are we going in, or what?”
Erwin’s face didn’t change as he gave him a firm nod, but Levi couldn’t stop thinking there was something lingering in the air, unspoken and heavy enough to be felt. He didn’t want to feel it. He took a step closer to the door, eyes on the snowy path in front of him, on the footprints he and Erwin had left. They seemed odd next to each other, but he couldn’t tell why it bothered him as much so eventually, he dismissed it, as well.
He went to the door, Erwin following close behind him, silent once more. Levi tried his best to ignore his presence, but it proved difficult with the way his faint touch still lingered on Levi’s hair where Erwin’s fingers brushed it. It stayed long after it was gone, and neither of them mentioned it. They simply hid inside because the cold was catching up to them and the more time they spent outside, the more people could see them like this, could see him like this. That was not something Levi was ready for.
Still, as he stepped inside and halted at the threshold, he looked over his shoulder at the snow that kept falling.