Chapter Text
It had been four months since Johnny and Dally died and Ponyboy was still grieving like it happened yesterday. He isn’t delirious anymore, sure, and he’s acknowledged their deaths. But there was still a wide, hungry, black hole in place of his heart. The gang (or what remained of it) was just expecting he would get better over the summer. They knew about his nightmares and they realised how he was losing weight, but they wouldn’t understand how he felt. They couldn’t. They all had each other and Ponyboy had no one.
Except Curly.
Curly had started hanging around him more since Johnny’s death. They never talked about it, but it was nice to not be alone anymore. Even Soda barely hung around him when they weren’t home. Curly fed the empty hole a tiny bit every time he invited Ponyboy out, or watched him sketch, or smoked with him. But Curly was part of one of the toughest gangs in Tulsa, and would leave Ponyboy the second he found out about all those mushy feelings.
Besides, things were getting tense between their gangs. In fact, he’d been hearing whispers of a rumble happening between them. He wasn’t sure when it started, but Darry had been asking them to search for Pony if he went wandering away or make sure Ponyboy didn’t get in trouble, but the Shepards didn’t do anything for free. The problem is, Darry refused to help them out when they got into trouble. And they didn’t take to that kindly at all. This was very stressful, especially after what happened at the last rumble Pony was involved in. The day his best friend died.
₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊
It was finally summer. The last bell had just rang and socs and greasers alike were rushing out of school chattering about their summer plans. As Ponyboy walked to the doors, keen to get home, a familiar head of crazy curled hair walked up next to him. He supposed he didn’t want to get home that badly anymore. They walked in silence for a bit, until they reached the football field, where they would usually smoke after school. They sat down on the bleachers and started smoking a pack of weeds.
Soon enough, everyone else had left and they were the only ones left at the school. It had been a couple of hours, and Darry was surely wondering where he was. He’d somehow gotten even stricter since Ponyboy had gotten his grades up. He didn’t see how upset Ponyboy was, only his grades and track scores. Sodapop and Pony both thought Darry would loosen up after Pony ran away and what happened after, but that was short-lived.
“We should head back soon,” Ponyboy sighed.
“Yeah” Curly replied, before grabbing his bag and making his way down to the field.
There were teenagers and children in every corner and road, laughing and talking. The parks and stores were filled with people from school who Ponyboy did not want to see. It seemed Curly had the same idea, because they quickly scurried to the shaddier parts of town. There were still greasers around - there always were - but it was a lot more comfortable than being surrounded by socs. They rounded a corner to an empty lot (one where Pony used to watch the sunsets) and sat on a parking block. They pulled out the remainder of the cigarettes and started smoking them. Soon enough, the box was empty and Ponyboy really had to get home.
Hopefully, Darry wouldn’t mind as much, as it was summer and all. Darry didn’t really seem to care about things like that though. At least Ponyboy’s report card had come a week and track had been done for a while. Darry couldn’t holler at him for things that didn’t exist. But he would be mad about one thing or another, Ponyboy was sure of it.
“See you soon?” Ponyboy questioned before Curly had the chance to walk away.
“If our brothers don’t beat the shit out of each other, maybe.” was the response he got. Ponyboy let out a strained giggle, trying not to let the words get to him too much. Would Curly really not want to see him anymore if their gangs fought? Was he mad at Pony for their gangs’ tension now?
He pondered over these questions on the walk home. Golly, what could he do? The rumble seemed inevitable now. And someone was surely going to get hurt. He couldn’t lose Curly, not after he lost Johnny and Dally and seemed to be losing his brothers. Couldn’t Curly see that!? Well clearly not, all Curly thought about was fights and drinking.
₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊
“Hello, is anyone home?” Ponyboy inquired as he stepped through the door.
Someone clearly was, because the smell of dinner was wafting throughout the house, but there wasn’t a response to his question. He slipped his shoes off and threw his bag on the ground before he made his way to the kitchen. Darry was there, facing the stove, stirring some sort of pasta. He didn’t acknowledge Ponyboy at all.
“Darry?”
“Do you need something?” the man in question replied, in a sharper tone than normal.
“Have I done something wrong?”
“Why don’t you tell me what you did wrong.” Darry stated, clearly implying Pony did something wrong, that he knew of.
“I’m not sure what I did, but I swear it won’t happen again!”
“It has already happened again.”
Huh. Darry was mad about something. That itself wasn’t new, but usually he would start hollering at Pony about it the second he walked through the door. Pony didn’t even know what he did wrong this time! Maybe Soda would know. He made his way into their shared room, but Soda wasn’t here. Soda was talking to him less and less nowadays, especially because of Steve. Steve absolutely hated him. He thought he was just some tag-a-long kid, but it wasn't his fault that Soda always invited him! Well, not anymore. Steve must’ve talked to him.
He dropped face first onto his bed, regretting it as his nose hit a book under his blankets. Sighing, he rolled onto his back, until he felt a rush of liquid start pooling in his nostril. He quickly hurried up, being careful not to get blood on anything. He rushed into the bathroom and stood over the sink. He twisted the tap, and watched as the blood falling in the sink swirled with the water. He turned his gaze up to the mirror, and observed his features. His hair was halfway grown out, his hair reaching a little above his chin. The bottom half was a bright bleach blonde, and the top half was a reddish-brown. His cheeks were slightly sunken in, and his under eyes were a dark purple. His lips and chin were covered in the nosebleed blood, which was still gushing out.
A few minutes later, when the bleeding died down to a slow dribble, Ponyboy wet some tissues and started dabbing them around his face. Soon enough, his face was clean again and his nosebleed had stopped. A light ache was manifesting in his stomach, so he made his way into the kitchen. He built up the courage to face Darry again, and hoped with his whole heart Darry wouldn’t be as mad. But it never worked out that well for Ponyboy.
A bowl of spaghetti was sitting on the table, still steaming hot, next to a scrawled note. It read:
Ponyboy,
Me and the gang are going to the diner. Don’t go anywhere while we’re out.
-Darry
He didn’t have much of an appetite after reading that. He didn’t have much of an appetite at all recently. The asshole even told him to stay home! While the whole gang was out having fun together! Well damn them, he was going to see Curly. He dumped the pasta into the trash, and hurried to pull his shoes on. On the way to the Shepard house he debated if Curly would even want to see him, but he didn’t want to turn back now. Plus, he could subtly make sure Curly didn't hate him. He made his way to the back of the house, being mindful not to be seen through any of the windows, and started tossing rocks up to Curly’s window.
The window was pushed up, and Curly stuck his head out, looking down at Ponyboy. A grin grew on his face, and he hopped onto a tree in their backyard before making his way down. They hurried off and made their way to the park, which was now more vacant than earlier that day. They made their way to the playground, careful to not go near the fountain (the one where Bob was killed). When they were there they sat on a bench. Luckily no kids were out this late.
“I can’t stay for long, the gang doesn’t want me out while they’re getting supper.” Ponyboy quietly said, bitterness creeping into his voice.
“They’re all together without you?” inquired Curly, “That’s a real shitty thing to do, I’m sorry man.” he continued, without having waited for a reply.
“Yeah, yeah I guess it is”
They sat for half an hour more gossiping about other greaser’s relationships and fights that have happened. When it started getting dark out they headed home, making sure to split up before they reached their houses. When Ponyboy reached his house, the car was still gone making it easy for him to go inside. They really didn't need to leave each other so soon. . . At least he was somewhat reassured that Curly still liked him, despite their gangs' tension.
He slipped off his shoes and brought his bookbag with him into his bedroom. There were books and random sketches strewn around the floor, and on his desk. Soda didn't keep many decorations or possessions in here. You would think this was only Ponyboy's room, from an outside perspective.
₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊
It was 10 pm or so when the rest of the gang got home. Ponyboy wondered where they were, as the diner was surely closed by then. When he heard their laughter and loud conversation near his door, he decided to feign sleep. He wanted to hear what they were saying. The door cracked open enough to let light fall onto the bed, and he heard Soda whisper,
“He’s asleep” before slamming the door shut.
“He’s such a baby! Who goes to sleep at 10 pm!” Steve exclaimed while the whole group chuckled.
Well maybe he’d be awake if the group actually invited him! It just seemed that whatever he did would always displease them. Last week, Darry was mad that he wasn’t sleeping enough, and today Steve thought he was a baby for sleeping too much! God, he wishes he stayed out with Curly. Any hollering would be better than hearing his “friends” talk shit on him.
Before they started to drift apart, Soda would always try to be mindful and quiet whenever Ponyboy would sleep. But that was a long time ago, and their relationship had been permanently changed. Pony stayed awake for a little while longer, but he only heard the gang recount what happened that night. He decided he would confront his brothers in the morning.
Soon enough, he actually fell asleep instead of just pretending. Almost as soon as his sleep started, it ended. His limbs were being held down and his throat felt raw from screaming. There was a shadow above him, who Pony soon realized was Sodapop. A slightly angry and somewhat annoyed Sodapop. He released Ponyboy and stalked out of the room the second Ponyboy realized he was there. He heard the blurred sounds of the gang laughing at him, yet again, before he finally fell asleep. Well, at least he had the decency to stop Ponyboy from hurting himself.
These episodes happened a few more times during the night, but no one was there to hold him down. Sodapop wasn’t in bed, and it seemed like the gang had left again. Golly, they really didn’t care about him at all, did they?
He didn’t particularly remember his nightmares, but the last one had spooked him enough to make it hard to fall asleep again. He dug around his desk drawers before he found some more weeds and a lighter. He pulled the window up and lit it, smoking a few sticks. He always thought best like this, when it was dark and quiet and he was all alone. The gang didn’t like him anymore. They didn’t want him around, and they only thought of him as some annoying attention-seeking kid. That was clear. But when did they start feeling this way? Darry had always been strict and Steve had always thought of him as an annoying kid. But Soda? Two-Bit? Sodapop used to be one of his favorite people!
They clearly didn’t want him around, so he would leave them alone. But what if Curly thought the same way? If the whole gang hated him it was likely there was something wrong with him. What if Curly also realized what was wrong with him? Then he’d actually have no one. He couldn’t lose them all, he would snap! To his horror, tears were steadily streaming down his face. He stubbed out his weed and pressed it against his thigh. He needed to get himself together. The gang would treat him even worse if he cried about being lonely. Like a baby.
For the rest of the night, he stared out the window and after what seemed like forever, the sun started to peek over the horizon.
₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊
Ponyboy sat at the table with Sodapop while Darry cooked them breakfast. Darry still seemed to be mad, for some reason, and all three of them were tense and seemed to be ready to start fighting. Ponyboy really wanted to bring up what happened yesterday, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready. Oh well, it’s better to just rip the band-aid off.
“Why did all of you go out without me?” Ponyboy blurted before he could stop himself. Silence met his declaration before Darry’s face turned red and he started to holler at him.
“Don’t talk about things you know nothing about! We don’t need to invite you everywhere, use your head for once! We’ve made it so very clear that we just need some time for us adults, so you need to leave us alone! I’ve worked so hard for you, I don’t owe you anymore!” Darry finished, out of breath from his yelling. This was another thing that had changed—Soda used to intervene before Darry got all worked up.
“But Soda and Steve are both 17! They’re children!”
“BUT THEY DON’T ACT LIKE A CHILD LIKE YOU DO!” He screamed. “GO TO YOUR ROOM, PONYBOY CURTIS!”
Well, that went horribly. Most of their interactions were like this, but this one had rather unfortunate timing. Ponyboy was starving, having not eaten since lunch yesterday. Smoking would surely distract him from his hunger, he resolved, so that’s exactly what he did.