Archive of Our Own

I entered Master Yoda's quarters, the familiar wet heat embracing my form and weighting my clothes.

"Aah, Obi-Wan!  Come, I have things to say to you," Master Yoda called, waving me over.  I crossed to the Master's chair and sat at his feet, putting us at eye level.

"Is it about Anakin, Master?  I have wished to speak to you about him."

"Patience, Obi-Wan."  Yoda's eyes were wide and bright, which meant his news was not bad.  Still, he preferred to keep me subject to his schedule "Tell me of your vacation, hmm?"

I smiled.  "We went to Naboo, Master, to visit Amidala.  It's been, I think, five years since we saw her last."

"Ah, old friends always a pleasure are.  She is well, hmm?"

"Very well.  The relations with the new Gungan leader are quite good, and they're working together on a new sea harvest project."

"Obi-Wan!  Ask for political report I did not!  How is your friend?"

I nearly blushed.  I suppose I had spent more time with various militaries than I thought. "She is quite well.  She's more impressive every time I see her. I was struck by her presence and strength as a child--as a woman she amazes me."

"Anakin and Amidala--very close, yes?"

"Nearly inseparable.  They speak every day when they can.  I wonder when they will announce their engagement."

Yoda looked at me.  "Think you, that marry they will?

"You don't?"

Yoda raised his ears and looked cryptic.

"They are extraordinarily close, Master.  Closer than many couples. Perhaps because she's the oldest friend he has."

"Mm."  Yoda's voice was neutral, telling me nothing.  "How is your Padawan, Obi-Wan?"

I thought for a moment, and said, "He's doing well for his level of experience.  He operates nearly as a junior Knight now.  He is, however, rather too tentative in his decisions;  I don't feel that he has enough confidence in his abilities to work independently yet.  I'm trying to work on that, as his skills are extremely good in the practice room;  it's only in the field that he hesitates."

"How is he unsure?" Yoda asked.

"He takes the right action, but then stops and looks to me for approval. Which isn't much of a problem when I'm present, but can be a significant barrier when we're separated."

Yoda absorbed my words with great interest.  He had always shown special interest in Anakin's progress and training.  "He finds you when you are not there, hmm?"

"Yes.  Always.  He always knows where I am."

"And when disabled you are, how functions he then?"

"I haven't been wounded like that during his training, Master Yoda, so I don't know.  I have tried to make him believe that I'm unavailable so that he's forced to make his own decisions, but I can't trick him.  It's unfortunate that his strongest and truest ability--the ability always to find and track me--is one that will be nearly useless after his knighting."

"Not useless if we pair him always with you, Obi-Wan," the Master said.

I laughed.  "I hardly think that our talents are so complimentary, Master Yoda.  He dislikes working with the military and you know that's where I'm most requested.  He would rather be a scholar or a Force engineer, I think."

"Mm."  That damned noncommittal noise again, one I had heard too many times in my life. I never knew if Yoda was doubting me or simply filing information away.

"Wish him to take the Trials, the Council does," Yoda said, his eyes steady on mine.

I exploded.  "What?  But he's not ready!"

"Your Padawan for eleven years he has been."  Yoda sighed. "Much need for Knights have we, Obi-Wan.  Many fallen.  Much destruction from the Mandelorian attacks.  Need him in the field.  Need you to take another Padawan."

"This is wrong, Master Yoda, completely wrong.  He's too young and too unsure of himself, he can't possibly be ready to work alone!"

"Confidence grows with experience, Obi-Wan.  His trials will tell us whether he is ready."

I set my mouth, fixing the elder Master with a glare.  He looked back at me, unflappable.

"I don't like this at all, Master Yoda.  I must protest this disregard for my wishes."

"Need to like this you do not.  Happen it will."  His voice was firm and allowed no possibility of further argument.

I gave up.  There was nothing more that I could do.  I knew full well that the will of Yoda was the will of the Council.  "What will his trials be?"

"Know that when he emerges, will you!"

I frowned and stood to leave.  "Do you truly think Anakin is ready?"

"Pass he will, or fail he will.  No more ready he will become."

I took my leave then, feeling troubled.

I sat at the table with a cup of tea, watching Anakin as he bent over his studies.  He was researching new hyperdrive generators, I believe;  astromechanics were always a hobby of his, and his skills far exceeded mine in that area and related studies.  He had picked up my trick of doing math to ease the mind through a frightening or stressful situation;  but rather than geometry and trigonometry, he worked differential equations.

He looked up at me suddenly.  Something undefinable passed across his face as he returned my even gaze.  "Is something wrong, Master?"

"No."  I tilted my head.  "You've reached your full growth, haven't you?"

"I don't know.  I hope so.  I hate growing out of my clothes, and I doubly hate having to relearn my balance."  He scowled.  He was a full head taller than I, and had suffered greatly during his frequent growth spurts.

"Your reach is an asset.  You're learning to use it quite well."

"Lack of reach doesn't bother you," he said with a smile."You just jump over your opponent's head."

"Hmm.  That reminds me.  We must work more on your defense of the air.  Just because you are stronger on the ground, doesn't mean you must remain on the ground."

"The element of surprise," Anakin said.

"Precisely."

"Can we use the blue practice room? It has the most padding on the floors." He grinned.

"Mm.  I can catch you, my Padawan, big as you are.  I would never hear the end of it from Master Yoda if I could not--after all, he trained Qui-Gon."

"Size matters not!"  He grinned even wider, and ducked his head. Anakin's face grew more serious as a thought passed through him, and he glanced at me. "Master, may I ask you something?"

"Always, Anakin," I answered.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

"No," I said, lifting an eyebrow.  Not for several years, since Knight Enderan.  "Why?"

"Amidala was wondering.  She thinks you need to relax more." The words were straightforward, but his expression hinted at more.  I would have to drill him on schooling his face.

That is, if I could still drill him on anything any more.  I must have looked troubled, because Anakin looked suddenly worried.

"I'm sorry if I was rude, Master--"

"No--no, it's simply been a busy day."  I stood.  "And now I think I will go to bed. Goodnight, Anakin.  Don't stay up too late."

"I won't," Anakin replied, looking relieved.  I left the common room for our shared bedroom.  I wondered what was truly on his mind, but I knew he would tell me eventually. My student was not one to keep secrets. Not from me.

Anakin still slept on a pallet across the room from my bed.  He used the Padawan's bedroom in the suite as a workroom for his many projects.  I had asked him several times if he wanted to switch to the Padawan's room, but he refused;  he felt more comfortable in the room with me.

I didn't argue with him then; I found his presence soothing as well. But I wondered now how much of that desire for closeness was linked to his insecurity in the field.  And I wondered doubly what would happen when he passed his trials.

If he passed his Trials.

I undressed quickly, changing into a loose shirt and soft leggings. Then I burrowed completely under the covers to think about the day.

My Anakin.  The Trials.  If he failed...I didn't know what would happen.  I wondered what made Master Yoda so sure that now was the time.  Maybe I was missing something, there was some secret sign that I had missed.  Qui-Gon had seemed so sure I was ready. But then, I was a good five years older than Anakin when I was knighted.

Hopefully his Trials would be easier than facing the Sith had been.

Hopefully he would pass.

Anakin entered the room a little while later.  "I can hear you thinking in the other room, Master," he said softly.  "I thought you wanted to sleep."

I pushed the blankets away from my head and looked over my shoulder at him.  "I did. I'm sorry to disturb you, Anakin."

I could see the young man faintly, shining in the dark.  "I'm not disturbed," he said,  "it's like a buzzing in the back of my head, but not an annoying one. You think very intensely, Master, I can't hear anyone quite like I can hear you."

It was strange that he could hear me at all through my shields. But my Padawan had unusually strong abilities in certain regards.  I had attempted to train him to use the powers I could isolate and understand.  But that was another way that my training was still not complete.  Hells, there was no way that Anakin could pass the trials.

"You're worried, Master," said Anakin as he undressed.  "What about?"

I sighed.  "Nothing I can share with you now, my Padawan. You'll know in time.  Good night to you."  I intensified my shields and pulled the covers back over my head.

"Goodnight, Master."  I heard the soft sounds of Anakin climbing under the covers and the lengthening draw of his breath.

Perhaps I was hiding.  Perhaps not.  I didn't need to worry the boy.  I put myself into a trance, forcing myself into sleep.

I paced in our quarters, where Master Yoda had firmly told me to remain. The Council's shields were very strong, I couldn't feel my Padawan at all. If I didn't know where he was, I would be terrified by now.

No.  I knew where he was, and I was all the more terrified by that knowledge.

Abruptly the shields came down, and I felt Anakin again through the bond.

My comlink signaled.  It was Master Yoda.  "Passed he has."

That was all.  I sagged against the wall, rubbing my temples to ease the pain I hadn't acknowledged before.  Passed.  He passed.  My student was now my peer.

I leaned against the wall, my mind whirling with thought, until I felt Anakin draw near and heard the door open.

"Master?"  Anakin's voice was distant and strange.

I responded by drawing him into an embrace.  His arms enclosed me, and he rested his head on my shoulder, letting out a long, shaky breath.  I touched his mind briefly, making sure that he wasn't hurt; he was fine, but he didn't want to let me go.  I held him for a long time before he lifted his head and gave me a faint smile.

I made mint tea for us both.  Anakin sipped it slowly, curling around himself on the sofa.  I sat next to him, resting my hand on his knee and sending reassurance through the contact.

"Were your trials like this, Master?"  he asked eventually.

"I never had formal trials, Anakin.  I was knighted after the mission to Naboo."

He looked at me with enormous blue eyes.  "So losing Qui-Gon was your Trial."

I grimaced.  "In a way.  Defeating the Sith, after losing Qui-Gon, and not turning Dark--that was my trial."

"I don't know what I would do if I lost you, Master."

"You would grieve and go on."  I gave him a sharp and sudden glare. "There is no death, there is the Force.  There is no loss, the Force contains it all."

He looked at me over his mug, his eyes ancient and sad.  I reached for his hand, pressing it.  "You must listen, Anakin.  You knew this when you were a child.  There is no loss that is lost forever!"

He nodded, dropping his eyes.  "I know, master."

I sighed.  I let go.  "It's late.  We should go to bed."

He nodded again, standing slowly.  I followed him into our bedroom, and began to change, suddenly exhausted to the core.

I could feel his eyes on my back as I undressed, and the subtle tension across the bond.  I wondered what he would ask me this time, what hidden emotion would spring forth.

"Master...can I sleep with you tonight?"

I turned to meet his eyes.

"I would feel better,"  he said quietly.

I nodded.  "Always, Padawan."  He jumped up as I slid into bed, climbing in tentatively after me.

His skin was hot to the touch, a relic of his childhood on Tattooine. He rested his head on my shoulder, and his braid fell over both our bodies. I reached up and tugged it lightly. "You won't have this for long, Padawan."

"Oh...that will be strange.  What happens to it?"

"I keep it.  As a reminder that I succeeded."

"Oh."  I could hear him smiling.  "That's nice, then."

I brought up one hand and stroked his cheek lightly.  "Goodnight, Anakin."

"Goodnight, Master."

Then I pulled us both into much-needed sleep.

We traveled to the Mandelorian beta front, our first mission together as Knight and Master rather than Padawan and Knight.

I lay awake nights at the other side of the cabin listening to him breathe, deep and steady.

I saw Anakin through to Knighthood, Qui-Gon.  I kept my promise.  I kept your word.

I awoke first, as usual.  I despised sleep and generally woke before dawn.  Anakin was always content to awake with first light.  For many years, this was my only time alone.  I settled in with tea, reading the current news reports, casting the occasional look at my sleeping friend.  Student no longer.  Now a fine young man whose life I had helped shape for the past eleven years, of whom I could rightfully be proud.

The news was neither good nor bad.  Mandelorian patrol ships had been seen but not engaged--the usual pattern in this area.  It could mean that they were falling back or that they were gearing up for an attack; the pattern was the same in either case.  We had arrived shortly after the last attack, which had caused significant losses among the small fighters but left the main ships nearly unscathed.  Anakin spent his time training replacement pilots while I worked with the captains on strategy and information gathering, which meant that Anakin had probably done more good than I.

I studied the news for over an hour before Anakin stirred, earlier than was his custom. The lack of lighting changes on the battleship must have interfered with his internal clock.

"Good morning," I said.

"Good morning, Master," he mumbled.  He sat up and stretched his arms toward the ceiling.  I followed the line of shoulder, elbow and hand and smiled to myself:  he had not in fact reached his full growth yet. He would have another few years still before he reached his final height.

Anakin stood finally and retreated to the washroom.  He emerged looking more like himself, and I handed him a cup of tea.

He sipped it as he dressed.  "What is the schedule for the day, Master?" he asked, fastening his belt.

"The usual.  Plus a meeting with the captain at--"

The alarm screamed--cutting me off in mid-sentence.  The lights shifted brighter and gleaming orange lights told us the emergency.

We were under attack.

We threw our mugs down and ran, Anakin to the gun stations and me to the bridge.  I arrived in time to see a fleet of Mandelorian fighter craft swarming over the two battleships and four gunships.  "Our fighters are on the way," called one of the crew.

"Master Jedi!  Look at this,"  the captain called to me. "What do you make of this attack formation?  I've never seen anything like it."

She showed me a picture of the initial formation as the enemy fleet dropped out of hyperspace.  The pattern was complex, looking rather like a flower, and it was somehow familiar.  "I've seen that, I don't know where," I said, wracking my brain as I searched the databases for a match. I glanced at the main viewscreen and saw our fighters engage the Mandelorian craft.

Sudden memory--Qui-Gon, teaching me a game--a multi-level board game with small colored bits of glass and carved wood.  The object was to capture the opponents markers by jumping onto their square, while simultaneously gathering enough in one place to bring in--

And then it came to me, but too late, as the bridge exploded in a roar of white heat.

Bring in the destroyer.  And wipe out an entire level.

I was burning, something was burning, I had no sight--I had awful sensation and pressure, pressure all around me--//anakin//

//MASTER I AM COMING MASTER WAIT I COME//

//too late help the crew save them//

//WAIT WAIT WAIT FOR ME//

I had no voice, no memory then, just sightless shock and heat...

I woke up surrounded by heavy liquid and panicked--then I realized it was bacta, which meant things were fine.

I looked for Anakin across the training bond, and felt him sleeping uneasily.  I opened my eyes and saw the vague shapes of people moving about.

They pulled me out when they saw I was awake, and laid me out to recuperate. The air was heavy with the scent of burned electronics and burned flesh. I heard cries and moans of pain amid the hushed whispers of doctors and the hum of the struggling ship.

"Where--?"  My voice was ravaged, barely there.

"Don't talk," a nurse said as she hurried over.  She injected me with a painkiller and I surrendered back into the darkness, closing my eyes and letting myself heal.

I awoke to Anakin's hovering presence.  He burned beside me like a young sun, filling the room with his aura.  My eyes refused to open and my body was still in sleep.  I wanted to tell Anakin that I loved him, but my voice failed me.

"He's safe to move, he just needs rest.  His throat needs to heal, so don't let him talk.  Let me fetch a stretcher."

"No--I can carry him.  It's fine."

"Fine--good--we need the bed, there's just so many wounded--"

Anakin's arms around me, lifting me against his chest like a child. Wrapped in blankets and the yellow sun of his aura.  My bald head against his neck, a wholly new sensation. The weightless feel that meant I was being carried.

Twisting to open the door.  Laying me down on the bunk, and lying down beside me, wrapping himself around me.  I sighed and leaned into him, content to rest in the strength of my Padawan.

I slept uninterrupted for a very long time and awoke feeling nearly myself.  I recognized then that I had been burned rather badly, and that was the source of my strange hairlessness and intense healing.

I felt Anakin lie down beside me, curling around me protectively.  "Can rest now, things're stable, s'okay to sleep," he murmured.  I felt his breath against my shoulder. Only twenty. I was thirty-six. I had been his teacher for more than half his life.  It didn't matter that he was a Knight now;  he would always be my Padawan.

I think I understood the dilemma that I had placed before Qui-Gon, now that it was too late....Qui-Gon, I'm so sorry.

"Master?"  Anakin stirred sleepily.  "Master, you're sad, what is it?"

I tilted my head up and kissed his brow.  //just the past//nothing we can change//

He frowned, worried still, and pushed up onto his elbows beside me. "How do you feel?"

//much better//  Mind-speech strained me.  It was never my forte.  But my throat felt as if I had been swallowing knives, and
I didn't dare open my mouth.

Anakin shifted and stroked his thumb gently up and down my throat--and ice followed his touch, soothing the pain of my seared breath.

I opened my mouth, but Anakin stopped me.  "You're not supposed to talk until you heal."

//how did you do that?//

His mouth twisted.  "The Force guided me, I suppose.  I don't know.  I never know what I can do."

//the force speaks clearly to you, anakin//listen to it//

"I try but--it's hard to know what the will of the force is, and what my own wishes are. You keep telling me to quiet my mind, but--"  He shrugged, dropping his head.  "I'm not very good at that."

This was an old conversation.  Anakin was fiery by nature, impetuous and quick, and while I certainly understood that, it was my duty as his teacher to try to quiet him.

Anakin rolled over onto his back, nearly falling off the narrow bunk.  "I don't feel like a Knight, Master," he said quietly.  "I know the council has deemed me ready but my feelings tell me otherwise.  I nearly didn't pass my trials, Master."

//tell me//  Talk to me, Anakin, you have been far too silent.

He paused for a long moment.  "There...really wasn't anything to it.  Master Windu took me to a door, and told me to go through it.  That I would have only what I brought with me.  I thought he meant my saber, but...he didn't."

Anakin sighed.  "I walked through the door, and I was in a blank room, like an antechamber, with another door on the opposite wall.  I couldn't sense anything there, in the walls or hidden, so I thought it must be just...a room, a barrier between the Trials and the rest of the Temple.  So I crossed the room."

I listened closely.  I had never taken formal trials, so I was as curious as a Padawan about them.  The trials weren't a topic that was discussed generally, so it had never seemed proper to me simply to ask.

Anakin continued.  "I crossed the room, and then I stopped about a meter from the door. Because I suddenly felt ridiculous, like a child in adult's clothing, trying to move among adults unnoticed.  And--I suddenly realized that this was the last day I would be a Padawan, that I couldn't be in that place I loved so much any more, and I would either fail or become a knight.  and that scared me so much I couldn't move."

//place?//  Our quarters?

"My place by your side."  Anakin's brow knotted, his aura shading blue with regret.  "The future waited on the other side of the door, and I'm not as optimistic of the future as I used to be, as a child on Tattooine.  I've seen a lot since then."

An image, so strong that it flashed through his mind and into mine: the last time Anakin saw Qui-Gon alive, as we strode through the hangar toward the main doors--toward the Sith.  Anakin never saw the Sith, he saw only Qui-Gon confidently doing his duty.  With me at his side.

"I felt cold when I thought of the future.  Cold like space is cold."  Anakin shivered, folding his arms around himself.

//but you passed//

"Yes."  He was silent.  "I stood there for a long time, wanting only to stop time and keep myself in the same place.  But finally I reminded myself that I couldn't go back, I couldn't ever go back, and that I had to go forward in the most honorable way possible.  I had to honor my promises, to you and my mother and Master Qui-Gon--and to myself.  So I opened the door."

//what was there?//

"Master Yoda.  Just looking at me.  I told him I was ready for my trials, and he told me I had passed already.  That coming through the door was passing.  Because I had to face my fears, right?  I think they were doing something to make my fears come forward."

//probably//

"So I passed...but it doesn't seem right.  It doesn't seem like that's what you need to be a Jedi Knight.  To be able to walk through a door without being eaten by your fears."  He turned his head away, doubt silting dark cracks through the melancholy blue hue of his aura.

//anakin//i have a thing to share//

I closed my eyes and gathered my concentration, then opened my shields and showed Anakin my memories of my own trial.

Qui-Gon, lying dead in my arms, my brow pressed to his as I grieved. Unable to cry. The heat of the battle cooling into the greatest pain I had ever known.

Electric pain shot between us as Anakin reacted to this image. I stilled him, stilled us both, focusing on the aftermath.  My true trial.

The passage of time unmarked by sight or sound, just the humming cycle of the red energy gates. Kneeling, frozen to the cold floor. Running my hands through my Master's hair. Feeling hollow. Expecting grief to eat my flesh away to the bone, to look down and see nothing human. I had used my anger against the Sith, and I felt like there was nothing Jedi left. Long hours perhaps I knelt there, or pain-wracked minutes. No way to know.

But I could not fail my master.  I could not fail myself. I looked at the six energy barriers and collected myself forcefully. I used the meditation of the doors.

Qui-Gon gathered into my arms, a beloved weight.

The first door was the door of duty.  I stood before the red field, remembering all that I owed to the Jedi, the Naboo, my master, myself.  Duty is drilled into us, it is an easy thing to remember.  The connectors turned and I stepped through the door, stopping on the threshold of the second.

The second door was the door of honor.  I had given my word to Qui-Gon that I would continue, and train the boy.  I could not go back on that, not now, not ever.  I renewed my sense of honor.  The connectors turned.  I stepped through the door.

The third door.  The door of strength.  Strength to carry the burdens that others cannot, as I carried the burden of Qui-Gon's body when his spirit left it behind. I stood up straighter, the connectors turned, and I stepped through the door.

The fourth door.  The door of courage.  The sense within the heart that banished fear.  I released my fear of the future. And my fear of myself.  The connectors turned, and I stepped through the door.

The fifth door, the door of serenity.  The knowledge that the Force would always play through us, and that we could trust in it's presence. The knowledge that there was no end, that the Force encompasses us in life and death alike.  I looked at Qui-Gon's still face. The connectors turned.  I stepped through the door.

The final door was the door of love.  Not the love of a single person, but the ability to feel love at all.  I loved my master with all my heart, and I was determined to love equally the boy he bestowed upon me.  I shifted the weight in my arms and pressed a last kiss to my master's forehead.  The connectors turned.  And I stepped through the door.

And I walked on.

I broke contact slowly and reluctantly.  This sort of sharing was quite unusual, but I had no regrets.  Anakin's face was wet with tears, but his aura shone orange with the happiness that such closeness brings.

//the mystery of the closed door is one that we face every day//

//I am proud of you anakin//

He smiled and shifted closer, pressing his face to my neck.  "Thank you, Master."

I lay half asleep for most of the day. Anakin was at the computer terminal. I knew it was something tricky by the intense feeling of his thought, but I couldn't muster enough attention to find out what. I heard bits and pieces of his communications with other engineers:

"...can't leave him...work from the terminal..."

"...need to patch through to an intact relay...boost the signal..."

"...ping return 8770...6558...try zSsst-Im 12, they have a strong distancer..."

"...five five nine, ping return 1228, relay through Qrr-An, five four six, ping return 1337... boost the signal..."

Anakin woke me after a long while.  "Master--we've regained communications with the Temple.  I need you to listen as I give our report, so I don't miss anything important."

I sent my agreement and fought through the fuzziness, prodding myself awake.  I heard Anakin request Mace Windu, then I heard the voice of the man himself.

"Knight Skywalker.  We have had communication silence for eight days;  what happened? And where is Master Kenobi?"

"Master Windu, Master Kenobi is here but injured.  He's unable to speak and confined to his bed for the time being."  Anakin's voice was strong but rough with exhaustion.  I tried to remember the past eight days as Anakin continued with his report.

"We were attacked by Mandelorian ships eight days ago.  They decimated our fighters and brought in a new, powerful ship of a type not on record. That ship destroyed the main battleship, the Quorzzt, and crippled the Dayrunner, upon which we are traveling.  The gunships were able to drive off the Mandelorian destroyer, but I believe they only retreated because they believed both battleships to be defeated."

Anakin paused and lowered his head.  "When the Dayrunner was attacked, the bridge was destroyed and the entire bridge crew killed. I--I rescued Master Obi-Wan from the bridge but I couldn't help any of the others.  This was in disobedience to Master Obi-Wan's direct order." He didn't look at me.

"Continue, Knight Skywalker."

Anakin nodded and visibly collected himself.  "When the battle ended, the head engineer took command.  She is the highest ranking officer on board.  We discovered that the power supply to the engines was compromised.  The Quorzzt was a complete loss and the gunships are not large enough to hold all the surviving crew, so we cannibalized the remaining fighters and patched together a power supply."

"How much power does the ship have?"

"Enough to get us to the zSsst-Im system in two days, if nothing goes wrong."

"Continue on that course.  We have sent word to the zSsst-Im 12 base, so they will be equipped to assist you.  We will give you further instruction after some discussion."

Anakin nodded.  "We should be able to contact you readily, Master Windu.  The communications systems were destroyed when the bridge was hit, but I believe we have them repaired now."

"Good work, Knight Skywalker.  You will be commended for this."

"Sir?"  Anakin's voice squeaked with shock.

"May the Force be with you."

I heard the connection break.

"Commended?"

//Anakin//

His head snapped toward me, and he stood up.  "Master Obi-Wan?"

//come here//  I crooked my fingers, beckoning him close. He crossed to me and knelt down at my bedside.  I gathered my strength and placed my hand on his head, sending warmth toward him.

//I am very, very proud of you, Anakin//

He smiled tentatively and then beamed as he realized.  "You're not angry?  Even a bit?"

//no//how could I be?//

Anakin laughed aloud and flung himself toward me, embracing me tightly. "I've been so worried, you were so badly wounded, all I could think is that I disobeyed your order and I just-- I just-- Master--"  He pulled back, staring into my eyes.  "Did I really do well?" he asked.

I pressed my hand to his cheek.  //you did well//you did extremely well//

He beamed again, then suddenly swooped down and caught my mouth in a kiss, long and hard and intensely passionate, the suppressed emotion of years flowing over me.

I was--surprised and not, reluctant and eager, but I did not break the kiss.  I heard his thoughts, ringing in my head like bells on the wind of lust and love.

//I can't bear not being together.  I can't surrender the best person alive in this galaxy.  I can't let you go.//

He released me finally, hectic color in his cheeks and renewed fear in his eyes.

I smiled.  //Anakin//

"Master," he whispered.

//let us discuss this when I am able to talk again//

He nodded.

//I am not angry//help me trance please//

He nodded again, tried a smile, and put two fingers to my forehead. I felt him lead me gently down into sleep.

The doctor scanned my throat.  "The damage is much reduced...I wish all my patients had Jedi abilities," she sighed.  "Do more of whatever you have been doing, and inhale this spray every hour.  You should be able to talk soon.  Skywalker, keep an eye on him, I think this one will push himself too hard too soon."  She smiled at both of us and gathered her tools.

"I will," Anakin said.  In fact, he hadn't left my bedside once that I could remember.  He must have done the needed repairs when I was in the bacta tank.

The doctor left, and Anakin knelt at my bedside.  "I'll make some tea, all right?"

I nodded.  Anakin went to make the tea, and I tried the spray the doctor gave me.  The first shot hit the back of my tongue, so I simply swallowed it.  I tried again and choked on the mist, trying desperately not to cough.

Anakin ran over, putting a hand to my throat and easing the irritation with the Force.  He put his other hand to my forehead and stroked it, trying to ease the tension.  I made a noise of unrest in the back of my throat.  I have always hated being an invalid.

When the fit passed, Anakin fetched our tea.  "This should help, Master," he said, settling on the bed beside me.  I sat up a bit straighter and sipped at it, finding that he was correct.

"We've nearly reached zSsst-Im 12," he said, "and there's no sign of Mandelorian activity. They're probably consolidating their win on the front." He sighed.  "I wish we could have done better against them. One destroyer against two battleships and four gunships... it should have gone better."

I pinched his knee and glared at him.

"Ow!  Well I can wish, can't I, Master?"  Anakin took another drink.

I took a long drink from my mug and cleared my throat experimentally.  It felt much better, so I tried vocalizing.

"Hmm."  I sounded like Yoda, but it was a start.  Anakin looked disapproving.

"Don't push, Master."

I waved my hand at him and tried again.  "Ssh.  A'akin."

Anakin heaved an enormous sigh, drained his cup and slumped sideways over my shins.  I gave him a smile and reached out my free hand. His hand met mine just above my knee, grasping it warmly.  His touch was somewhere between friend and beloved.

I regarded Anakin over the rim of my cup.  No longer my student, and no longer a child. The crew treated him as a respected peer; I was quite sure that his role in the building of the power supply and reconstruction of the communications system was larger than he made it seem.  He had proven his strength under duress.  He had proven his worth to the Council.

I blinked, and when my eyes reopened I saw him as a Knight.

"What are you looking at," he asked.

"You."

He blushed.  The soft rose under his golden cheeks was quite attractive, I decided.

"Tell me.  About Amidala," I croaked.

Anakin looked confused.  "She's...my friend, the best friend I have apart from you."

"Not.  Your lover?"

"No.  Never.  We're too good friends for that."  He smiled, and I knew what he meant.

"I thought.  For a while.  You are close."

"She's like my sister.  Like family."

I nodded, and squeezed his hand.  "To love...another Jedi. Hard.  People die...separate...often.  You know this.  Qui-Gon. Banden.  Te-Kan Soren."

"I know.  I always have known, Master.  It wasn't any easier on Tattooine.  But it's worth it, don't you think, if you find the right person?"

I smiled, looking at the hope on his face.  "Yes."  Then I tugged on his hand, encouraging him close.  He rose up to all fours
and moved toward me, beaming brighter with every motion, until he straddled my lap.

"Is it worth it for us, Master?"

I answered him in the affirmative with a kiss.