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Ilya had been miserable all week. The Centaurs had lost their last home game and Ilya thought it was his fault.
The weekend prior to the spectacularly embarrassing loss against Toronto was supposed to be for him and Shane – A rare chance during the Season to spend more than a few hours together before one of their stupid curfews or stupid flights to stupid games in boring stupid cities would burst their wonderful bubble of domestic bliss.
It was also the last chance to see each other before the playoffs. Before the media started their shit again.
He had been looking forward to it for a while – Uninterrupted time with the love of his life.
Shane’s flight was supposed to arrive in Montreal later that night and he would make the drive to Ottawa during the night.
Until his hopes were shattered by Shane’s text messages after he got home from practice on Friday afternoon
Shane
I’m so sorry.
Oh no, Ilya thought. He knew immediately what it meant. Shane was trying to let him down easy. It did not work. He appreciated Shane trying though.
As if she sensed something was wrong, Anya came trotting over and dropped her favorite toy in front of his feet.
A small teddy bear with a Metros Jersey. She let out a whine.
“Yes Anyeshka“, Ilya whispered while brushing his free hand through her soft fur. “I miss your dad too.“
He continued the pets and redirected his attention to his phone, to read the rest of Shane’s texts.
Shane
There is a Hurricane Warning
We’re stuck in Tampa, no flights are going in or out.
Ilya did not bother to come up with a reply and immediately pressed the call button.
A whispery voice came from the other line. “Ilya?“
“Hi“, Ilya breathed out.
He hadn’t heard Shane’s Voice in a week and the mention of his name was already enough to almost burst out in tears. He immediately put in on speaker so Anya could hear Shane too.
“So you are not coming?“, he asked, stupidly. Of course he won’t come. Even if they lift the hurricane warning, they won’t make it back on time.
Shane let out a desperate sigh. “No. I’m sorry.“
Another Voice was heard in the background
„Yes it’s Lily - No you can’t talk to her! Don’t take my phone! JJ, I swear to-“
There was a moment of silence before a small thud. He must have dropped his phone.
“Sorry about that. Someone didn’t take the Hurricane news all that well and has been spending a little money at the hotel bar. Coach wants me to keep an eye on him.“
“Is okay.“, Ilya said.
In truth it was not okay. He missed Shane and now he didn’t even get the chance to talk on the phone with him before it was taken away again.
“This fucking sucks. I’ve been looking forward to seeing you. I miss you so much“, Shane sighed into his phone.
“Me too.“
Ilya didn’t no what else to say. No amount of time on a phone call could ever be enough to tell Shane everything he wanted to tell him in that moment. Especially not with a drunk JJ around.
“I promise I’ll make it up to you. I’ll call you later when I’m alone in my hotel room okay? I love you.“
“Okay. I love you too, Shanya“, Ilya whispered, close to tears now.
“OOOH LOVE! Capitaine is in looove! Hollander and Lily sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G“, JJ could be heard drunkenly cooing in the background before Shane whispered an apologetic „Bye“ and hung up.
Ilya turned off his phone and threw it in the vague direction of his couch.
“Just us two again huh?“, he mumbled while hugging his dog close to his chest.
Anya let out a whine. And she tugged her Metros bear closer to her.
He let out a weak laugh.
“Yes I hate it too.“
A week later, his normal daily routine had returned. Practice, media, games, therapy, lots of phone sex with Shane, repeat.
He was just packing his bag to leave for afternoon practice when a text from Shane came in.
Shane
Do not freak out about the news alerts that will come in about 5 seconds.
Well now Ilya had to freak out. He immediately opened the News App.
Breaking News: Metros Captain Shane Hollander out for playoffs due to injury
Unforeseen Injury – Metros without Captain for Playoffs.
Hollander out - Will the Metros survive the first round?
Gay Metros player out of the Playoffs – Why woke Hockey doesn’t work
He closed the App and immediately called Shane.
His fiancé had barely a second to say hi before Ilya bombarded him with questions.
“What happened? Are you okay? Was it Comeau? Do not tell me it was Pike I will come to Montreal and kick his ass-“
“Glad your not freaking out“, Shane said dryly. “And hello to you too. I missed you too.“
“Yes hi, I love you and I miss you“, Ilya rushed out, “Now why is ESPN saying you’re out of he playoffs?“
“I busted my knee. It feels fine but our PT says I need stay out before I’ll hurt it even more.“, Shane said, sounding embarrassed.
“What? How did that happen?“, Ilya wondered.
Before he could get an answer, Anya came trotting over again. Ilya quickly switched the call to video.
“Anya look who it is!“, he said and turned his phone around so Anya could see the screen.
“Oh hey Anya! I miss you!“, Shane cooed softly the second Anya appeared on his screen.
Anya let out a content bark.
“Okay yes very cute, now tell me what happened?“, Ilya said, reluctantly interrupting the adorable interaction between his dog and his fiancé.
Shane rolled his eyes lightly. “Promise you won’t laugh“
“Why would I laugh?“
“Just promise, alright?“
“Okay, fine. I promise.“
Shane took a deep breath. “I twisted it while playing Just Dance with the twins.“
No answer from the other line.
“Ilya-“
“I’m sorry solnyshko“, Ilya blurted out before letting out a hysterical laugh.
After a moment, Shane joined the laughter.
“Best Hockey Player in the world defeated by children in dance game“, Ilya sighed, wiping a way a tear from his eyes.
“So you do think I am the best?“, Shane teased him immediately.
“Ah,no!“, he playfully deflected, “You would be if you were going to the playoffs.“
Shane laughed. “Asshole“
“Ah, speaking of asshole-“
Shane immediately interrupted him.
“Don’t even think about it. You have practice in 10 minutes“
“I know something else we could do in ten minutes“, he muttered, and was immediately interrupted by Shane raising his eyebrows at him.
“Okay, bossy. Later though?“, Ilya asked with a pout to the camera.
Shane chuckled lightly. “If you behave.“
“Okay. I should leave now anyway. I love you.“
“I love you too.“
Anya whined again.
“Of course I love you too Anya. Bye.“
Anya made a happy sound and they hung up. And Ilya was sad again. Now he won’t even see him in the Playoffs?
He loved Shane more than anything. Anyone, actually. But this long distance thing was getting more difficult every day. Especially now that they’re engaged. And proud dog parents.
Just until the summer. Ilya thought, I’ll just have to make it till summer. Then we will get married and come out. I will even quit hockey. I will do anything. I just need him with me every day.
After practice, Troy approached him in the locker room.
“You okay, man?“
Ilya snapped his head up immediately.
“Yes. Why?“
“You just seem a bit – distracted, is all.“
Ilya shook his head and fiddled with his cross necklace under his shirt, specifically the ring.
“Is nothing. My uh, My Partner is uh..sick and we have not seen each other in a long time.“
Not a lie, but also not the whole truth. As usual.
Troy nodded his head. “I hope they’re okay.“, he patted Ilya on the shoulder. “If you need to talk, I’m here for you okay?“
Ilya thanked him and hurried up packing his stuff.
He needed to get out of there. He’d have enough time to chat with the others tomorrow, when they’d visit the children at the hospital.
Right now, he just needed to get home, cuddle Anya, and wait for Shane to call him and distract him with stories about his boring day and maybe some phone sex.
When he arrived home and had greeted Anya with pets, kisses and cuddles, he planted himself on the couch. Not knowing what else to do, he opened his photo app and looked at photos of Shane. They’re mostly screenshots from interviews or photos from behind where you couldn’t for sure tell if it was him.
Then, he opened his music app and turned on an episode of For The Girls. A hockey podcast hosted by two retired PWHL players who had invited Shane for an interview after his coming out.
Ilya had listened to the episode more times than he wanted to count. But it was the only thing helping him for a quick nap.
He let his fiancé’s voice lull him into a deep sleep.
The sleep was interrupted, what felt like years later, by Anya barking at something. But not her usual vigilant bark when a squirrel came to close to the window or a car driving past them on a walk. It sounded excited.
“Anya! Hello sweet girl“, a familiar voice cooed at his dog.
“Shanya?“, Ilya croaked out, still trying to arrive fully back in reality.
“Hi“, Shane said when he reached the couch.
“You are here“, Ilya said, stating the obvious.
“Yes I-“
Before Shane could continue Ilya was on his feet and pulled him in for a kiss.
He moaned deeply and grasped Shane’s jacket, as if he would disintegrate if he did not hold him as close as possible.
“Ya tebya lyublyu“, he whispered against his lips. Ilya brushed a thumb over Shane’s freckles.
“Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu“, Shane whispered back and crashed their mouths back together.
Shane could feel Ilya’s tears in his face, and wiped them away. They reluctantly pulled apart.
Ilya takes Shane in for a moment. Then he pulls him into a bone crushing hug.
Every time they meet again after going months without seeing each other, Ilya wonders how they survived it.
And this was the answer. The rush of adrenaline when the other person was near would have been enough for Ilya to survive a lifetime. The giddiness he feels when Shane laughs and kisses him and touches him- The way he looks at him with so much genuine care and love.
“I’m so happy you are here. I missed you so much.“, Ilya muttered through sobs and kissed Shane’s shoulder.
Shane rubbed his hands up and down Ilya’s back and kisses his neck. “I missed you too.“
Then Ilya took Shane’s hand, grabbed his bag and led him to his bedroom, where he would show him exactly how much he missed him.
Afterwards they lay together, cuddled up and Ilya kissed Shane all over his face, still so happy that his love is with him again. He fiddled with Shane’s necklace where his own ring was and kissed that too.
Then Ilya lifted himself up and bent down over Shane’s hurt knee.
“Does it hurt?“, he asked while kissing it lightly.
Shane shook his head and buried his hand in Ilya’s hair.
Ilya kissed further down Shane’s body ready to go another round when suddenly there were loud scratches on the door and a whine.
Ilya looked up at Shane, wordlessly asking if he could let Anya in. Shane nodded and Ilya jumped up to open the door.
“Jesus, at least let me pull on some pants“, Shane said when the dog jumped up the bed and wagged her tail at her dad.
“Come on, not on the bed“, Shane whined, sounding tired.
Anya booped her nose against Shane and whined again. “Yes, you are cute, but I still don’t want you on the bed.” He kissed her on the head and lightly shoved her off of his lap.
“Why can’t she sleep up here with us?”, Ilya asked, sounding like a little child.
“Because she drools and sheds and I don’t want to wake up in saliva and dog fur”
“Pozhaluzta Shanya, just tonight?”. Now he sounded and looked like a little child.
“Not tonight okay?”, Shane said, sounding genuinely exhausted.
“Down Anyeshka!“, Ilya commanded in Russian, and the golden retriever immediately obeyed.
Ilya quickly gathered a few pillows and a blanket from one of the guestrooms and created a makeshift bed for his beloved pet.
She immediately lay on top of it and let out an exhausted sigh.
The boys laughed at that and got ready to sleep.
They kissed goodnight and fell asleep tangled in each other.
At breakfast, Ilya could not keep his hands off Shane. He snuggled him from behind while he made his disgusting smoothie and pulled his chair impossibly close to Shane’s while eating his own meal.
“I’m sorry I will be gone most of the day.“, he muttered, staring down at his plate.
“Don’t be sorry, baby. These team hospital visits are the only thing you always sound excited about.“, Shane tried to reassure him. “I’ll be fine on my own“
“I won’t. I will miss you. And Anya“, he sighed, dropping his head on Shane’s shoulder. “Will be good for you two to bond though. You have barely spent time together without me.“
Shane was a bit worried about that. He had never had a pet of his own, and neither had any of his family or friends up until Ilya. What if he messes up? What if Ilya gets mad at him? What if-
“I can feel you thinking, solnyshko. Do not worry. Anya loves you. You love Anya. It will be fine.“, Ilya muttered, kissing Shane’s shoulder.
Shane smiled. He loved the way Ilya could read his mind and calm his worries.
Sometimes he wished he could do the same for Ilya. Ilya always reassures him that he did just that.
The rest of the morning was spent on the couch.
Shane had wanted to answer some work emails.
Ilya had wanted to make out. Ilya had been more persuasive than Shane anticipated.
Occasionally they pulled apart to tell each other something they hadn’t mentioned on the phone or in text.
They laughed together, made out lazily and pretended for a few hours that it had never been different.
Like this is how it was every day. How it should be.
The buzz of Ilya’s phone on the coffee table reminded them that reality existed.
“That is Harris probably. He is coming to pick me up”, Ilya said and kissed Shane quickly before getting up.
Shane nodded and immediately missed Ilya’s weight on top of him.
Ilya got ready and said goodbye to Anya with a cuddle, and goodbye to Shane with a deep kiss.
They exchanged I love you’s and after a few more kisses Ilya left.
“Just us two now, huh?”, Shane said, carefully kneeling to pet Anya, still wary of his injury.
She barked excitedly and flopped onto her back to get even more pets.
“We will be fine, won’t we?”, he asked.
Anya licked his palm in response.
With Ilya, and his power of persuasion and distraction, gone, he finally started to take care of his emails before he would have to suffer the wrath of Yuna later.
Some brand deals, Interview requests, occasional spam from a fan getting his email from God knows where. A few team event notifications. Same old boring stuff as Ilya would call it.
He was halfway through organizing his offseason schedule when he heard dog nails on the floorboard, approaching his makeshift workstation at Ilya’s kitchen table.
Shane felt a soft boop against his knee.
“Can’t play right now, Anya”, he said absentmindedly, readjusting his glasses and opening the next email.
The golden retriever trotted off again.
About half an hour later, Shane finished his work and threw himself on the couch. He grabbed his Hockey book he had left under the coffee table when he last visited Ilya and got to reading.
Halfway through the chapter he took a quick selfie of him in his glasses with the book open on his stomach and sent it to Ilya.
Shane put his phone away and continued reading. Until Anya returned.
This time she patiently sat next to him and stared at him.
Upon being ignored, she walked over to her bed and grabbed her teddy bear.
Arriving back at the couch, she dropped it on Shane’s chest, startling him.
“Fuck!”, he exclaimed, quickly snapping the dog saliva-soaked toy off his chest.
Anya quickly ran after it and brought it right back to him, honoring her retriever blood, looking excited to play with her dad.
Shane, however, was still disgusted by the wetness and smell of the bear and threw it away again.
This spiel went on for a while until Anya whined from the other side of the room.
And again.
Aaaand again.
Shane snapped the book shut and looked for Anya.
He reached a tall bookshelf, situated against the wall where Anya scratched on the floor as if trying to dig the floor open.
“What is it?”, Shane asked softly, scratching behind Anya’s ears just how she liked it.
He carefully kneeled and started to inspect the shelf. It was a bit diagonal to the wall, not fully touching it. Shane looked behind it and spotted the bear toy behind it.
He carefully picked it up. That’s when he really noticed it for the first time.
The bear was white, or rather grey, with all the dirt and saliva it was covered in.
One of the arms was hanging on by a thread. It had a blue shirt. No- Jersey!
With a large “M” on the belly. A “C” on the chest. Shane turned the bear around. A white “24” was printed on the back.
A mini-Shane. Anya’s favorite toy was a mini-Shane.
Shane couldn’t help but laugh.
Anya pawed at the toy.
Shane faked a throwing motion.
Anya barked and got into hunting position.
He did it again, earning a less friendly bark.
Shane laughed and threw the toy again.
Anya happily ran after it. When she returned with the tiny Shane bear in her mouth Shane took his phone and snapped a quick photo.
He sent it to Ilya.
Shane:
Cute toy she got there
They played a few more rounds of fetch before Shane got them ready for a run. He’d initially planned on just taking her on a walk, but the playing made him realize he was dealing with an equally energetic sports fanatic like himself.
They ran down the river and Shane threw a few sticks for Anya to chase.
He could get used to this, he thought.
After they returned at Ilya’s house and Shane had showered, Ilya finally replied to his pics.
Ilya
Wearing glasses without me there? The betrayal (((
Ah you found Shanebear! Do not lose him she will be sad. And I will be too. We love him almost as much as real Shane )))
Shane
Why do you have a mini version of me as a dog toy?
Ilya
Because Sveta is evil witch and figured out you are the love of my life.
Was birthday gift.
Anya stole it. But she looks so cute cuddling with him so is her’s now.
Shane
Can Sveta get me a mini Ilya too?
Ilya
No!! This ugly logo does not belong on adorable teddy bear!
I have to go again, take boring pictures for Instagram.
I love you Shanya, kiss our daughter from me!
Shane
I love you too.
We both miss you.
See you later, baby.
He specifically added the “baby” to torture Ilya, because he got very clingy whenever Shane used the pet name.
“Thanks for driving me, Harris!”, Ilya said, stepping out of the Pickup Truck and gathered his things.
“No worries. The fans love the pics. The kids at the hospital loved you. We’re happy you have so much fun with this.”
Ilya nodded and to Harris’ chagrin was not in the mood for chatting, having missed Shane the entire day. “Well, I’m tired now so, bye bye.”
Harris said goodbye and drove off.
Ilya sighed deeply and shook the stress of today off. He genuinely loved doing these hospital visits but boy was it draining.
He was excited to spend the rest of the evening cuddled up with Shane and Anya, kissing him senseless and maybe making his absence today up to him in the bedroom.
The house was quiet when he got in. No barking, no tv or white noise. Just silence.
Ilya put his stuff away and entered the living room.
He was met with the sight of his fiancé fast asleep on the couch with an equally asleep golden retriever on his chest.
Between them, the Shane teddy.
Ilya couldn’t help but smile. He stepped closer and felt a few tears prickling up in his eyes.
This was his family.
The love of his life and his dog.
Not his dead father who never cared about him, or his brother who had seen him as nothing but an ATM machine.
Anya made a few sniff noises and huffed, slowly waking up and greeting her Papa with a few loud barks.
“Shhh, malyshka, dad is still sleeping”, he whispered greeting Anya with pets and belly rubs.
“Dad is awake now”, Shane croaked out and slowly got up. “Hi Baby.”
“Hey, moy lyubov”, Ilya whispers, leaning down to greet Shane with a kiss. “Should we go to bed?”
Shane yawned and nodded. “If there’s enough space for us...”
Ilya looked at him with a confused expression. “What do you mean?”, he asked kissing Shane again.
“Well, there’s you and me. Mini Shane…And Anya.”
Ilya’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. “Anya can sleep on the bed with us?”
“She is our daughter, is she not?”, Shane teased and pulled Ilya in to kiss him once more.
Ilya couldn’t help but kiss him again. And again and again.
Until Anya whined, indicating she is also tired and wants to go to bed.
Together, the small family walked upstairs to the bedroom and got ready for sleep.
The three of them fall asleep together, barely an inch separating them.